Anorexia Recovery - Tumblr Posts

"No matter how bad you think you look, someone's always gonna think you're hot." -Paraphrased from a woman thrice my age.

This is Mickey. He was thin when we first got him. I was struggling with the weight gain so I thought it was good you could feel his bones. I fed him exactly as I learned and now you can't feel his spine when you lift him.

I guess it helped come to terms with my own lack of visible bones.

I cannot overstate the impact having good people around you can have. I got the bottom of my eating disorder and I fully believe I would have been bedridden for a lot longer if not for my fiance. He was ready the second I was discharged with the meal plan from my dietian. He put his own damn weight loss on the back burner for months both before and after my starting recovery just to make sure I was eating.

And you know what? It worked. For a very long time the sole reason I pushed through for recovery was for him. Finally I found my own reasons. I'm not tempted to go back anymore.

My wonderful amazing fiance got drunk today. He told me he admired my determination. The fact that I was so dedicated to a look I was willing to kill myself meant 'this person doesn't take shit' but then when I went full force intorecovery 'this person really doesn't take shit'. Then he described me as aggressively working to better myself whether misguided or not

This has made me feel better than anything else could have

I am trans and anorexic and those two entities play on each other so well. I'm half convinced my hatred of my own body is what drove me to starve in the first place.

There are 2 very distinct feelings for "I hate my chest for being feminine" and "I hate my chest for being two literal lumps of fat". And they can happen at the same time.

A fun thing about being both trans and on the autism spectrum is that sometimes I can't tell WHY I have discomfort with my body, because it could easily be either or even both.

Like, my legs. Do I dislike having hairy legs because it's a masculine-coded thing, and it's giving me gender dysphoria? Or is it a texture thing, and I just hate the feeling of skin touching skin, which is 10 times worse when it's hairy skin?

(I'm pretty sure the answer is "both")

When I used to sit and fantasize about my recovery, I would imagine daintily trying bites of fear foods.

My recovery didn't look like that. It was crying at my first taste of red meat in 6 months. It was refusing to eat in the dining room. It was planning the exact right time to eat breakfast so my inlaws wouldn't see. It was being disappointed by every food I used to love and finding new ones. It was crying when I broke my jeans and the bravery to buy the bigger size. It was getting to know myself outside the aesthetic and realising after it all I don't like food that much.

Tumblr was a source of fuel for my anorexia. It's easy to compare and put myself down. Coming back now that I feel more firm in my recovery, well I think it might have been a mistake.

I want to go back to the tags that hurt me back when I suffered. I want to go and see the spo that lies there. I want to get triggered again. And I am. I've been going to these tags and I can feel the rock solid control I had start to slip.

The worst part is that I know those people don't mean any harm. I was there. I only wanted to find a home in a world that denied me one.

I'm back now and I refuse to go back to those tags. I want to help people now, not harm them.

A skill you will need in recovery. You need to learn to sit with the anxiety. Not tracking is going to cause you anxiety. So will not weighing in and eating foods you "shouldn't". It's hard, but you won't get anywhere if you let the urges get the better of you every time.

I'm struggling with it right now. I'm nearly a year in and I want to track like fuck, but it will only hurt me in the long run. I need to wait until the urge passes.

To all of you struggling with your bodies, keep going. You will never regret choosing to live. I love each and every one of you 💛

Nothing hurts quite like watching your loved ones enjoy delicious food that you'd do almost anything to eat while you starve and envy them and your stomach churns, empty with acid and consuming itself.

You don't want this. No one should covet Anorexia Nervosa, or any ED. They are pain and suffering and misery. Get out while you can. Get out before it's a disorder and no longer a crash diet that you started just to lose a few pounds. It's not worth it.

Fight. Please. For those of us who know nothing else anymore, fight for your life. Because if you don't fight, the only way out is a slow and painful death. Please don't give up, it's never too late but it does get harder and harder the longer you suffer. Get help.

I don't know who needs to hear this, but if you're 11-18, you don't need to be worrying about your body. You are a child. You are going to change so much in the next couple of years, so give yourself some time. Feed yourself for all of the changes your body is going through. You don't need to have slim thighs, bigger breasts, a smaller waist, toned arms, a round butt, abs, or any of the standards the world has used to lie to you. You also should not be comparing yourself TO ANYONE. Not the sophomore you pass by in the hallways, not the actress on the TV, not even your sister. People that are younger than you, your age, or especially if they are older, don't compare yourself to them. You don't understand the difference just a few years can make. I cannot tell you how much I changed from age 13 to 14 years old, both mentally and physically. That's only one year of time. And please do not compare yourself to adults. Even if you aren't 11-18, there is still no reason to compare yourself. Be kind to yourself. Please. You are so much more than your body. I know it doesn't feel that way but I promise.

"Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels."

First of all, that's a load of bullshit. And second there are so many things in this world worth your time more than 'being skinny'. There's the feeling of a full, warm stomach after eating until you are satisfied. There's not being cold all of the time. There's having the energy to play sports, do fun activities, or just walk up the damn stairs. There's not being distracted when you're talking with your friends; or eating your favorite foods with loved ones instead of sitting awkwardly while you try not to think about your stomach rumbling. Enjoy every second you have of this short life. There is so much life to live. I know you are wondering what life but it's there. Choose recovery, choose to live. I swear you will never regret it. If you are full for even one hour, if you are happy for just one moment, it's worth it. If I could hug every one of you I would.

(I'm tagging this under 'thinspo' so that all of the girls that are reading and being brainwashed by these disgusting, an0rexia promoting posts find this and with it some comfort.)

This makes me so happy and I wish this for every person. 🫶🩷

I ate so much yesterday. My eating disorder wanted to be really upset about it, but I found the strength to LITERALLY say "Fuck you eating disorder. Food is the least interesting thing about the day."

We opened the musical I'm working on! I spent time with friends at the after party! I played games and had a couple drinks. I laughed and took fun pictures with people I care about!

I won't remember everything I ate yesterday but I will remember the fun I had

Affirmations for EDs. Even if you don't believe them now, say them and work towards believing them one day

1. I do not need to have an excuse for being hungry

2. Eating will let me enjoy life

3. Eating will help the people I love

4. I do not deserve to feel pain

5. Just because this amount made me feel good yesterday doesn't mean it's enough for today

6. 'Being good' is not how long I exercise or how little I eat

7. Starvation does not protect me

8. Being thin won't fix my struggles

9. No one needs to be perfect