Tumblr Was A Source Of Fuel For My Anorexia. It's Easy To Compare And Put Myself Down. Coming Back Now

Tumblr was a source of fuel for my anorexia. It's easy to compare and put myself down. Coming back now that I feel more firm in my recovery, well I think it might have been a mistake.

I want to go back to the tags that hurt me back when I suffered. I want to go and see the spo that lies there. I want to get triggered again. And I am. I've been going to these tags and I can feel the rock solid control I had start to slip.

The worst part is that I know those people don't mean any harm. I was there. I only wanted to find a home in a world that denied me one.

I'm back now and I refuse to go back to those tags. I want to help people now, not harm them.

I wrote a book!

There is a war that has torn the world in half. The elves against the ogres. The book follows a teenaged elf and a toddler ogre as they try to find a place to call home. Love and loss and amazing dedication for his age.

I am trans and anorexic and those two entities play on each other so well. I'm half convinced my hatred of my own body is what drove me to starve in the first place.

There are 2 very distinct feelings for "I hate my chest for being feminine" and "I hate my chest for being two literal lumps of fat". And they can happen at the same time.

A fun thing about being both trans and on the autism spectrum is that sometimes I can't tell WHY I have discomfort with my body, because it could easily be either or even both.

Like, my legs. Do I dislike having hairy legs because it's a masculine-coded thing, and it's giving me gender dysphoria? Or is it a texture thing, and I just hate the feeling of skin touching skin, which is 10 times worse when it's hairy skin?

(I'm pretty sure the answer is "both")

I feel like people forget most trans guys still had to grow up as girls.

We were still forced to be mature early

We were still told to not to take up space

We were still subject to female beauty standards

Our bodies were still treated as inappropriate

We were still pitted against each other

We were still excluded from “male” activities

We were still treated as lesser the boys

Those things don’t evaporate once we transition they’re fucking internalized. I constantly have to remind myself I’m allowed to exist. We don’t stop dealing with misogyny.

Like/reblog if you think that you don't need to medically transition to be transgender

One time I had a panic attack mid act. We stopped got fast food and continued later once we were horny again

You have a complex relationship with your body and need to keep some/all of your clothes on during sex?

That's okay, what you're wearing looks good on you.

You need to take a lot of breaks doing anything intimate because you're easily overwhelmed?

I understand, I'm just happy to be here with you.

You're on medication that impacts your libido/makes reaching orgasm really difficult?

No pressure, tell me what feels good for you, and if you get frustrated we can do something else together.

Sex isn't going to look the same for everybody and that's fine, that's normal.

Sometimes you don't orgasm, sometimes you need to stop because your mood changes out of nowhere, sometimes you get really self conscious and need accommodations to take your mind off of it.

People are too complex for everybody to go about it the same, just keep doing what feels best for you, regardless of how different it may seem from other people's experiences.