I Wrote A Book!

I wrote a book!

There is a war that has torn the world in half. The elves against the ogres. The book follows a teenaged elf and a toddler ogre as they try to find a place to call home. Love and loss and amazing dedication for his age.

Maybe a fun idea

Forced eyecontact will always make me weak in the knees. Like please grab my chin and force me to look at you while you fuck me.

This will never not be funny to me.

I feel like people forget most trans guys still had to grow up as girls.

We were still forced to be mature early

We were still told to not to take up space

We were still subject to female beauty standards

Our bodies were still treated as inappropriate

We were still pitted against each other

We were still excluded from “male” activities

We were still treated as lesser the boys

Those things don’t evaporate once we transition they’re fucking internalized. I constantly have to remind myself I’m allowed to exist. We don’t stop dealing with misogyny.

Tumblr was a source of fuel for my anorexia. It's easy to compare and put myself down. Coming back now that I feel more firm in my recovery, well I think it might have been a mistake.

I want to go back to the tags that hurt me back when I suffered. I want to go and see the spo that lies there. I want to get triggered again. And I am. I've been going to these tags and I can feel the rock solid control I had start to slip.

The worst part is that I know those people don't mean any harm. I was there. I only wanted to find a home in a world that denied me one.

I'm back now and I refuse to go back to those tags. I want to help people now, not harm them.

A skill you will need in recovery. You need to learn to sit with the anxiety. Not tracking is going to cause you anxiety. So will not weighing in and eating foods you "shouldn't". It's hard, but you won't get anywhere if you let the urges get the better of you every time.

I'm struggling with it right now. I'm nearly a year in and I want to track like fuck, but it will only hurt me in the long run. I need to wait until the urge passes.