Izzy / Interactions. - Tumblr Posts

🪐 — LUCIUS SPRIGGS  for  izzy !

the admission catches him by surprise,   leaving him entirely stunned for a good few seconds.  for a moment he is even tempted to ask izzy who he is and what he has done with their resident feral first mate,  but well..  lucius hardly wants to ruin this,  whatever this is shaping up to be,  so he holds his tongue,  allowing his expression to actually soften.  they had their rocky moments,  for sure,  and lucius has all but forgotten cutting himself on izzy’s sharp edges not too long ago at all.  still,  there is no metaphorical blood spilled between them now.  izzy doesn’t shove past him,  doesn’t lash out,  either  —  he gives him very much needed directions,  instead,  instructing lucius on what he wishes him to do.  so that’s really nice.  it also makes lucius finally stop over thinking each stupid intake of breath.  that’s great too,  helps him feel less like he is trying to kiss a wild animal.  it’s definitely a learning curve from here,  but lucius is good at paying attention and pretty determined to not overstep any boundaries that might be set.  

‘  yeah?  okay,  yeah  —  i can do that.  ’   there is an actual smile on his lips at this point,  relieved and hopeful  (   foolishly maybe,  but a tiny bit proud,  too?  he seriously doubts izzy would have gotten there without a little push,  if anything else   ).  '  i don’t mind.  i wanted to touch you earlier,  actually,  i just.  wasn’t sure you would have wanted me to.  you,  um..  didn’t have the happiest reaction last time,  so.  ’   and who could blame lucius for hesitating,  seriously?  but anyway,  he has more urgent things to consider right this moment,  like following through on what lucius has asked him to do.  less talking and more doing.  he knows,  he knows.   '  i am going to  —  here.  is this okay?  ’   lucius pushes his hands up until one finds the back of izzy’s neck,  fingers brushing against his hair.  the other goes to his waist,  as he experimentally tugs the other man closer. 

      HE DOESN’T MISS THE HESITATION,  eyes following every moment — as well as the absence of it when lucius goes still at his request.  &  there is sense of panic that rises in izzy instantly, warning him that he’s asked too much, that there will be consequences for such an admission.  but then there’s a smile, a softening in his expression.  &  when lucius admits that he actually wanted to touch izzy, that leaves him breathless with shock.  for who would want to touch him, of all people  —  especially now that he is old  &  wounded  &  undesired by all, even the one man who had always been at his side ?  but there is no hesitation in the boy’s hands when they curl around him  &  pull him closer.  one even finds bare skin above his collar, cradles the back of his head in a way that’s confident, yet gentle.  &  the way he draws izzy in, it’s easy for him to believe that this is no joke, no trap.  that lucius actually does want him, too.                    ❝ yes, it’s — ❞  but izzy’s voice breaks off, unable to find the words. it’s overwhelming is what it is, to be so close to another man, the flush of heat beneath his black clothes spreading slowly up his throat  &  over his face.  but though izzy can’t entirely understand it, he also knows without doubt that he doesn’t want it to stop.  ❝ it’s fine.  it’s good, ❞  he decides at last.  &  in admitting it aloud, it’s like the resistance to his desires that he has been honing for decades frays thin, becomes weak enough for him to push through it  &  slot his lithe body against lucius’s larger one, hands pressed to his broad chest.  &  izzy tilts his face upward with the intention of making good on his request for another kiss,  finally allowing his eyes to rise to the other man’s.  &  he’s still a bit shocked to find there’s not a trace of disgust there, only his own desire mirrored back at him.  ❝ lucius, ❞  he says, the first name unfamiliar in his mouth. izzy had kissed him once already  —  but even he knew that he had been none too kind about it.  &  he wants to make up for his mistakes. wants to do it right this time.  his gaze falls to lucius’s lips again.  ❝ can i — ? ❞

🪐 — EDWARD TEACH​  for  izzy !

here’s the tragedy:   a beautiful boy is sitting on your bed.  he doesn’t tell you he loves you,  but he does.  devotion stronger than a cannon ball to the gut,  the kind of it he would drown for,  if only you asked.  edward lays his head on the bed,  eyes on the ceiling for a moment or two before turning them on izzy  —  the angle is a bit weird,  and his neck will soon start to feel funny,  but he makes it work somehow.   ‘  whatever you want,  really.  just make it piraty enough.  ’   he thinks on it,  shakes his head and then turns to face the bed,  elbows on it,  one hand ending up on izzy’s knee for good measure.  no,  it’s not enough.  he wanted this moment to be branded on both their minds,  something undeniable,  a tether and that only works two ways instead of just one. 

'  wanna do something crazy,  iz?  ’   a near whisper,  as if they’re conspiring,  or on the edge of something greater than themselves,  his eyes now boring into izzy’s ones without pause.  perhaps it’s the fading adrenaline from the earlier raid,  but he feels a touch dizzy,  as if drunk or feverish.   '  do the same for me.  mark me,  make me yours.  ’   this is not what captains usually ask of their first mates,  edward is pretty sure,  but he also couldn’t care less.  carve your name into my arm and lick the blood from it afterwards,  only then will i know we are inextricably bound. 

      IT IS NOTHING LESS THAN A BLESSING  to have edward’s eyes on him.  despite his father’s attempts, izzy had never become a religious man.  how could he believe in anything greater than this ?  when edward looks at him, he knows that there is nothing in any heaven that could hope to match the rush he feels, nor is there anything from any hell that could keep izzy away from him now.  ‘ want to do something crazy ? ’  edward asks him,  &  he doesn’t even have to consider it before he’s nodding  —  he’s already crazy for him.                               but it’s what comes next that shocks izzy into stillness, a breath pulling sharply into his lungs when edward says ‘ make me yours. ’   &  for a moment, he is certain he must have misheard.  he belongs entirely to his captain, of course.  that much felt so obvious that it went without saying, especially now that he wore the proof of their bond plain on his face.  but the idea that edward wants to belong to him, too is something izzy has never expected,  &  surely never dared let himself hope for.  there is nothing he would not do for his captain if it was asked of him.  but this is something he would actually ask for, if he could ever manage to find the voice to speak with.  ❝ edward, ❞  is all he manages at first.  &  when izzy says his name it sounds rather like a prayer.                 &  then he moves, eager to take the opportunity before edward loses that manic look that izzy loves so much. not a moment later, his captain is laying out on the sleeping bunk instead with a bottle in his left hand, his first mate perched loyally at his side.  edward’s right arm is extended out so that izzy can hold the hand firmly in his left, with the needle re-inked in his right.  &  in spite of the adrenaline that’s running through him, his grip is steady, just as he promised.  ❝ i’m going to put the first one right here, ❞  he says, tapping a smooth spot on the back of edward’s hand near his wrist.  ❝ if you like it, you can have more.  but this one here, this is ours.  this one will be just for us. ❞   &  then izzy catches his captain’s eye one final time before the needle descends, smoothing the place he plans to press their mark into with soothing strokes of his thumb.  ❝ &  don’t bite your tongue off, ❞  is his final warning before leaning forward  &  pressing the first beads of ink beneath his skin.

🪐 — @shadowcovcn​​​  ( laszlo )  sent   a meme   for  izzy   :

75 —  kalahari down by orville peck  ▶︎

     ❝ WELL WHAT DO I KNOW : just a bunch of sorrow. & it's not as if there's a trail to follow. besides, i'm better off alone if you ask me. ❞

🪐 — LUCIUS SPRIGGS  for  izzy !

‘  yes.  yes,  izzy you—  wait.  ’   half exasperated tone grinds to a halt.  his brain fights for control,  pushing back the bewilderment of it all and the dizzy   (   no pun this time   )   feeling spreading through his body.  it’s a bit comical,  this whole situation  —  they haven’t been on a first name basis until,  well,  now,  not without a bite of thorny sarcasm on lucius’ part anyway,  but this is not why he calls for a stop.  a break,  rather.  thing is,  he’s noticed it:  the limp. the..  whatever the hell happened to izzy’s foot.  and it’s late in the evening,  which means the man must have spent most of his day on his feet.  despite the infuriating sentiment izzy stirs in him almost without fail,  and the way past week’s words still kind of prick at the skin,  lucius spriggs is not,  at his core,  cruel.  and if he’s done the math right,  not even izzy deserves that.  did izzy notice it,  by the way?  how lucius breathes a little easier now that edward has left,  how his eyes don’t look for a way out and away from the man at any given time. 

'  we could sit,  you know.  it’s not much,  but i do happen to have something slightly better than the cold hard floor in here.  ’   the hand that was slowly moving through izzy’s hair   (   pretty soft,  actually   )   gets dislodged only so he can wrap it around the man’s wrist.  he doesn’t ask.  it’s a bit early in their tentative truce to go for the metaphorical throat like that.  maybe they’ll get there,  maybe they won't  —  for now,  lucius simply leads him towards the small cot stored against the opposite wall.  he mostly sleeps by himself now,  though pete visits sometimes,  because he ended up waking half the people on deck once,  screaming for help and tasting saltwater on his tongue after a freakishly vivid nightmare.   '  hello,  ’   he greets with a small grin curling around his mouth.   '  it’s still yes,  if you’re wondering.  ' 

     GENTLENESS IS ALMOST UNBEARABLE  to izzy hands  —  not because he doesn’t like it;  it’s far too early for him to try to work out how he feels about any of this  —  but because he has no idea how to respond to it.  he’d expected rushed hands  &  whispered instructions.  but lucius surprises him at every turn, seemingly content to take things at a more leisurely speed. he stops izzy before he can kiss him again, the younger man takes him by the wrist just above his glove  &  leading him deeper into the little room.  only when they're seated facing each other, his injured foot hanging off the edge of the meager sleeping cot, is izzy brave enough to meet his eyes.  &  to his surprise, he finds lucius looking back at him with a kind smile. still offering. 

                        something about being on a bed makes everything feel a little more serious,  &  izzy feels his breath hitch as heat floods his face.  the fear is still there, familiar as ever, a deep-seated instinct that urges him to fight or flee from some vaguely perceived threat,  but he knows that lucius won't harm him,  &  edward isn't here to be angry with him for forgetting his place.  &  izzy may be many things, but he is not a coward.

            so he pushes defiantly through the unpleasant sensation to press their lips together once again, more gently this time.  his skin flushes at the point of contact, but izzy forces himself to match lucius's unhurried pace, lips slow  &  explorative as they move against each other.  meanwhile, his left hand reaches out  &  finds the lapel of a cotton jacket, fingers curling into the fabric  &  tugging himself a little closer.  &  izzy has never smoked the opium that ed favors for the pain, never particularly cared for tobacco or felt the need to indulge in rum.  but as he leans further still into the kiss, he finds himself thinking that if he isn’t careful, he could quickly become addicted to this.

IZZY ALWAYS HAS A PLAN,  &  tonight is no different.  as he descends silently belowdeck  &  makes for the brig, the only step left to execute is don't get caught.  he didn't know exactly what would happen to him if his majesty's finest apprehended him in an attempt to free a pirate they had taken prisoner.  but after the brutality he had witnessed them inflict upon the beautiful young man they had captured by chance, izzy had not been able to stop himself from taking the risk.  it had been all he could think about then — when he'd screamed, when he'd doubled over, when the soldiers had laughed  &  taunted him  —  how to get the man off this ship before they could harm him again.  &   izzy is quite sure that he can do it, but he has to act quickly.  so with a stolen key  &  no hesitation, he opens the cell  &  steps inside.

an injured predator can be dangerous,  &  izzy remembers well how quickly the man had thrown himself at the leutienant when he’d attacked his mother's heritage.  but while there is a sword at his belt, izzy makes no move for the blade.  it is not meant for this man.  instead, his hands extend, palms up to show that he means no harm. ❝ no tricks.  i swear it.  on my mother.  ❞  his tone softens when he speaks of her, as it always does.

the dim light in the brig makes it hard to assess the scale of the man’s injuries.  but he had heard the crack of the rifle against the bone himself,  &  he can imagine the pain must be immense.  izzy can help him up the stairs  &  across the deck, but the plan will fall to pieces if he can't hold himself upright enough to row.  ❝ listen, i have a tender rigged  &  waiting for you.  i’m on deck watch tonight, so no one will see you leave.  i can help you get up the stairs  &  into the boat,  &  you should be able to put enough distance between yourself  &  this vessel before daylight if you row hard  &   travel with the current.  but you have to go now. ❞  &  then he extends his right hand, a clear offering of help.  ❝ it's ok.  you can trust me. ❞

he must have lost consciousness,   between a rifle smashing against his knee and officers dragging him carelessly to the brig of one of his majesty's damn ships.  at the very least they weren't laughing on their way down,  nobody was:  the agony rippling through his bones had triggered the worst of his temper like a dynamite fuse being lit.  even bound and with nausea threatening to empty his stomach right there on deck,  edward had scratched,  bitten,  and attempted to throttle at least one blue coated bastard   (   no such luck,  the fellow's still breathing   ).  the whip he could have endured,  he's tasted it a few times on hornigold's ship,  the sneers too   (   boring,  unoriginal,  the same old drivel that could have been directed at any pirate   ),  but then it had gotten personal.  then they thought it would have been funny to tell him that a cage is the only fit place for someone like him.  and his mother both.  to make it absolutely clear it wasn't about pirates anymore.

the sound of a door closing causes his head to snap up from the floor,  where he was laying curled around his knee,  and agony jolts through him anew as he scrambles to sit with his back to the wall.  vision blurs and then doubles,  but @musecraft 's voice makes it above the ringing in his ears enough to be heard:  hey, how badly are you hurt? can you move? you think you can walk?

'  fuck —  '   the first thing out of his lips is a pained gasp,  followed by a few shaking breaths.  he almost wishes the man would bludgeon him in the head and return him to blissful darkness.   '  stay away from me.  '   he manages to hiss a weak warning,  finally.  but even with pain clenching his jaw leeching his face of color,  he doesn't remember this one being among the laughing bastards above deck.  edward has learned to analyze a dangerous situation quickly and he's sure of it,  as much as he is sure that his knee is utterly fucked.  brows furrow then,  and he blinks in a desperate attempt to clear that awful fog from his eyes.   '  are you trying to fucking trick me?  '

      IZZY HAS NEVER BEEN THE GODLY SORT, no matter how intensely his father had tried to instill the faith upon him in his youth.  &  yet when he hauls lucius’ unconscious form out of the waves, he considers voicing a prayer to any deity that might be listening that the boy is still alive. he’d been floating for a few hours ;  it was already something of a miracle that the sharks didn’t have him for their supper, that he didn’t drift farther from the ship than he did, that izzy was able to find him in the dim light of a slowly approaching sunrise.  &  it seems that someone had afforded him one more.  because before he can utter a word to anyone, lucius is awake, eyes going suddenly wide  &  terror-stricken.

                ❝ i’s all right.  you’re all right, now, ❞   he says, flinching when the boy clings to him  &  shifts some weight to his freshly bandaged foot.  his tone is rough  &  uncertain, his voice not used to offering comfort. ❝ don’'t make me regret it. ❞ why izzy had come for the scribe  —  infuriating as he had been  —  even he cannot say. he had  felled countless men on blackbeard’s orders, never once hesitated to end a life if it meant protecting edward.  but this felt different ;  lucius was no threat to anyone.  he had simply been too close to ed when he’d snapped.  in the wrong place at the wrong time.  &  as izzy helps the half-drowned man steady himself, he recognizes the familiar sensation of guilt, heavy in his gut.

            it was his fault — so the least izzy could do was save his life.

           ❝ don’t worry about the others right now. ❞ before he had finally fallen asleep clutching his empty bottle, edward had mentioned a plan to leave any who would not be useful to them on a spit of sand somewhere, but izzy knew better than to say as much to lucius.  was cooking in the sun preferable to drowning in the sea ?  izzy didn't know which was a kinder fate.  ❝ we need to get back to the ship  &  you need to find a place to hide before the captain wakes up. ❞

voice hoarse and spent,   he doesn't have the energy to shout anymore,  so he just clings to the piece of wood beneath him like a lifeline.  it's safe to say lucius is nearly terrified out of his mind:  he is alone and surrounded by open water,  again.  it's pitch black,  again.  and who the hell knows,  there might be sharks lurking nearby.  oh,  great!  now he is even more terrified.   '  please  —  guys?  anyone?  '   his scream is met with silence once again and lucius chokes on a sob,  letting his head fall weakly against the wood.  the storm has been bad enough and now he is stranded,  stuck in one of his nightmares  —  has been for what seems like forever,  when it couldn't actually have been more than a few hours.

water ripples around him,  jerking lucius awake.  and he nearly lets out another scream when he sees a shadow looming over him.  he scrambles for some excuse to spill out,  in case it's the navy,  but he doesn't need to.  he half collapses against @musecraft 's smaller,  but much steadier frame and breathes out the first relieved breath of the night,  right against his shoulder. ( found )  

'  thank god,  i thought i was going to die.  '   shivers wreck through his body now,  making it harder for him to speak,  but that doesn't deter him from cracking a weak smile.   '  aw izzy,  didn't know you  —  you cared.  '   a bit lame,  he knows,  but he thinks a near death experience should grant him some leniency.  jokes aside,  they have come quite far from their less than amicable start..  so,  did izzy actually worry about him?  he has certainly found him first,  at any rate.  reason,  however,  makes it back into his brain at last and lucius gathers himself upright.   '  wait.  what about the others?  are they okay?  ' 

    WHEN EDWARD SMILES,  he looks like the man he’d been when izzy first met him.  the silver streaking his hair  &  the creases that form when his lips curl make no difference ; he still has that same glint in his eyes that refuses to go out.  & regardless of all that has happened since then  — &  everything he might have said to the contrary — izzy did not regret his decision.  he would choose to save edward again, every time, no matter what the consequences might be.  &  when he playfully jostles their hands ( the idea that he might not talking about stede leaving him breathless ), izzy can only hope that ed knows how he feels.

          but in spite of all they've discussed recently, all the agreements they have come to in hopes of moving forward together, there is still a lingering sensation of guilt.  in the quiet moment where they sit with their fingers entwined, izzy hears the memory of his own voice returning to haunt him.  &  even when edward dismisses him from his post, izzy doesn't move, eyes downcast  &  shadowed.  hoping that he knows is no longer good enough ;  edward deserves to hear the truth.

        ❝ ed — ❞  he starts, voice soft  &  low.   ❝ you know, when i … when i said that i should've let the english — ❞  he breaks off.  he can't even bring himself to say it a second time, even now. &  after a beat he gives up  &  moves on.  ❝ i never should have said that. i'm sorry. ❞  &  slowly, as though it's a real challenge, izzy drags his eyes up from where their hands are still curled tightly together  &  back to ed's face.  ❝ i didn't mean it. you know that, right ? i didn't mean it. ❞

his gaze doesn't drop,   it holds fast to izzy's face,  nearly unblinking.  for years,  for two whole decades   (  un-fucking-believable!   ),  edward had looked at his first mate without really seeing the whole of him,  the answer that was nestled right there,  between unflinching devotion and fierce protection.  edward had suspected,  at the very least,  yet in the end failed to connect two very important dots:  this is not something he had clearly seen before,  on the deck of a ship or in more or less clean taverns,  a passing fancy.  this is a larger than life feeling,  almost,  and edward has finally learned to feel comfortable enough in his own skin to not bolt away from it in terror.  nah,  he runs towards it and doesn't let go.

he smiles a bit to himself,  then,  but it gets comically dispelled by izzy's words.  he opens his mouth in protest   (   you little—   ),  in fact,  only to begrudgingly close it shut on the basis that izzy hands is,  unquestionably,  right.  as he often is.   '  yeah,  alright.  stayed out of trouble this time,  though,  didn't I?  '   his smile returns,  shifting into a grin with no small amount of mirth to it.   '  knew there was someone important waitin' for me here.  '   he gives their still joined hands a little shake,  as if to say yeah it's you,  feeling absolutely mad with giddiness under the moonlight and loving every second of it.  which is why it takes him a couple more minutes to actually get to what got him climbing up to the nest in the first place.   '  hey,  you should get some rest.  i'll take the watch.  '

     THERE’S A DELAY, but it only lasts a breath. then a hand is closing around his, strong & determined, the pirate pulling himself to his feet. yet no sooner does he straighten than he stumbles again, his injured leg evidently unable to hold him. izzy is quick to slip himself beneath his arm, taking on some of the weight from his weakened side. ❝ it's up the stairs or under the hull, so up you go. ❞ he half-carries the taller man as they hobble together first up the narrow stairs & then across the empty deck. it's slow-going, but they don't stop even for a moment. when they reach the waiting rowboat, there is a brief breathless laugh at his side. & izzy thinks to himself that enduring a lashing would be well worth it for the chance to hear that sound again.

                    ❝ i told you, didn't i ? ❞ he responds softly, smiling in spite of himself. ❝ come on, get in. ❞ at his bidding, the man slips out of his arms to pull himself over the railing & into the dinghy. izzy misses the touch immediately. but there’s no time to mourn its absence — if they are caught now, it will all have been for nothing. ❝ row east, into the sunrise. the current is with you, & so is the wind. we shouldn't be able to easily follow you. ❞ his voice is little more than a breath, his hands moving fast to unfasten the tie-offs & prepare the rowboat to be lowered into the inky tide below. ❝ there's rations & water enough for five days, but you should reach land well before that if you keep your heading. ❞ the main knot falls open, but izzy holds it taut to allow himself one last look at edward teach. he truly is beautiful, almost unbearably so. the sky above is scattered with stars, & his wide dark eyes seem to reflect them all as the two men look at each other. they are from entirely different worlds, izzy knows, one clad in a pirate's leathers & the other in a royal navy uniform. but for a moment it seems their hearts beat in tandem, matching the steady rhythm of the waves. then izzy clears his throat & the moment passes, the final rope ready to release. ❝ you have to go. now. ❞

try as he might to make sense of the situation,   edward can do nothing but watch the man as he approaches,  slowly,  with no sneer or taunt on his lips.  his head spins,  sight faltering again and for a moment,  all he can see is the awful blue of his coat,  his words entirely forgotten   (   on my mother   ).  for a moment that stretches on forever,  he is surrounded and helpless again,  at the doubtlessly nonexistent mercy of the navy,  not for people like him anyway.  but then again,  even if they were to offer him a way out from certain execution in the form of service to them,  he'd only spit it back in their faces.  he finally shifts his stare to look up at the man's face,  realizing with some delay that he is talking,  in the middle of some long speech that edward only catches in fragments.  he's got the relevant bits,  and they make enough sense with the offered hand,  but he can't help looking at the officer like he has suddenly grown a siren's tail.

'  what the fuck,  man.  '   it has to be a quick decision,  he knows that,  there's no time for hesitation.  his only other option is doomed from the start  —  he can do jack shit on his own,  not with the state of his leg,  even if he were to incapacitate him somehow and steal his sword.  he'd still make a stupid,  insane,  bound to fail effort,  however.  you can trust me.  he grabs the hand,  of course he does.  he tries to kid himself,  half heartedly thinking that what comes next won't be so bad,  but getting on his feet,  putting even the slightest amount of weight on his bad leg is agonizing.  face blanched,  he almost passes out cold,  a black cloud obscuring his sight for a heart beat.  he doesn't remember deciding to do it,  yet lets the solid body near him hold him up with no resistance.   '  up the stairs,  huh?  gonna be fun.  '   he tries for humor,  even through teeth clenched so tight they start to hurt.  and up the stairs they do go indeed,  even though edward feels so sick he thinks he might loose it any moment, clutching that blasted coat with near to numb fingers.  when edward finally catches sight of the rowboat,  waiting for them just like the man said,  he feels like deliriously laughing.  he gasps out a startled half chuckle,  instead.   '  you really weren't kidding.  fuckin' lunatic.  '

     IT’S BEEN NEARLY THREE YEARS, but izzy still comes out to this beach almost every day around sunset. he’s long since lost hope of billy coming back here ( his darkest instincts have been reminding him that he might be dead since the sixth month without him ). so izzy tells himself that it’s not about him — it’s just that this is the only place he feels really relaxed. so he's not expecting it when he sees a familiar halo of blonde curls backlit by the sun, catches sight of a form he’d memorized years ago. & he's like a moth pulled into the light, finds himself walking across the sand as if in a trance until he's standing right in front of billy.

                                   he looks different — the first thing that izzy notices is the raised scars that track across his forearms, a little lighter than the rest — & yet the same. there are the same eyes he remembers, the same smile, the same thick lashes, & the same laugh when izzy breaks the silence. & izzy feels the air he hadn't even realized he'd been holding in rush out of his lungs, permission given to breathe again.

              ❝ yeah, i fuckin' can. ❞ he says, giving a sharp laugh of his own. he wants to ask where have you been, & what really happened to you, & do you forgive me for letting you go, & did you miss me the way i missed you ? but izzy isn't sure that he can handle the answers to any of those just yet. so instead he goes with ❝ what took you so long ? ❞ & he wants to hug billy, wants to pull him in close & not let go. but there's someone else there with them, someone with a tall swoop of dark hair standing a way back, as if he doesn't want to interrupt them. but he's watching, & izzy suddenly feels his defenses rising, a dark cloud cast over their reunion. ❝ who's that ? ❞

i don't know whether to be pissed or be thrilled to see you again. — from izzy

billy doesn't know what to feel. the warmth of the ocean breeze hit his face a while ago. and. and it should be enough. it should be enough. but. it isn't. suddenly miles and miles of fucking distance feels like nothing because now it's nothing. and he cannot remember the last time he saw izzy. it feels so long ago. and he'd told steve, he'd said. that he didn't think izzy would be here. but there was no denying. the possibility was there. and he'd be honest because he's going on this fucking healing journey or some fucking shit. because getting your guts stabbed in all directions kinda tends to change your view on life. but it's not. it's not that. it's the fact that billy's feet can feel the sand between his two and izzy is there like he's been waiting since the day billy got dragged tooth and nailed to certain fucking death. it's. it's a lot. and billy is kinda glad izzy says something because billy could have in fact fucking fainted before being able to day anything. like. sorry i left without saying anything. and you had to know what happened. and you knew, we both know you knew. and i missed you. and i thought you weren't going to be here. and do you miss me?

but he just stands there and billy laughs, because life is fucking ridiculous and god has a thing against billy. like it's a given. he looks to a side, and sees the ocean. and he feels seventeen again. feels sixteen again. on the beach. "-come on man." he starts, like not a single day has passed since they have been here. his heart feels heavy almost. he doesn't know. but when has he ever known "i think you can be both." he smirks at him. like this isn't altering the way billy is breathing. like. like he isn't dying to hold him again. something is different about billy. he can't hide it. dying does that to you.

@musecraft

IT WASN'T THE FIRST TIME he'd had a gun leveled at him — & he rather hoped that it wouldn't be the last — pirates were known to have notoriously quick trigger-fingers. the best course in these situations was to take the threat without reaction as izzy does now, arms crossed stiffly over his chest. ❝ you don't know me, but i imagine you've heard of my captain. ❞ he pauses, shifting his weight off his injured foot, the ache of which has become familiar & near manageable. ❝ goes by the name of blackbeard ? ❞ speaking the name usually changed people's tone considerably, especially with his recent list of crimes growing ever longer. but captain teague might have an unpredictable reaction as keeper of the pirate code, & izzy watches his reaction closely for any shift that might indicate danger.

       THE REVENGE ISN’T FAR AWAY, & izzy begins to return to her as soon as lucius is aboard the tender. the more his shoulders burn, the harder he pulls. the growing ache actually distracts from the sharper pain in his foot, & he endures it without complaint. yet he can’t help but wince at lucius’ question. he has no answer to give. while izzy would truthfully be glad to be rid of the lot of them — they were by far the most pathetic & infuriating crew he’d ever sailed with — that didn’t mean he would delight their slow painful death. besides, he's certain that even if he tried, edward wouldn’t be talked into keeping them aboard in his current state. izzy doesn't want to admit it, but something seems different about his captain’s rage this time, the ire he himself had unleashed. & he fears that lucius is right — that there will be no coming back from this ledge he's pushed them to.

                  ❝ i know he is, ❞ izzy snaps, voice ragged with exertion. the fresh injury on his foot throbs as if to remind him of the risk he's taking in disobeying his captain's orders, & he flinches in spite of himself. ❝ but we don't have much choice, do we ? if you'd rather take your chances with the sharks, you're welcome to jump back in. ❞ there is no lantern lit in the windows of the captain's cabin as they draw near, & the ship is peaceful & quiet. it seems that edward is still lost to his drunken sleep. izzy pulls them alongside until he finds the ladder he'd left waiting. & when he turns back toward lucius his voice is softer, almost gentle, as if he's trying to soothe his nerves. ❝ go, head straight belowdeck. i'll be right behind you. you'll be safe, just stay hidden. ❞

usually lucius would have some things to say about the reassurance he is being offered   (   okay,  quite a lot of things   ).  but in this nut case of a situation,  while he is still shivering and his throat feels scraped raw,  izzy's words don't sound entirely jarring.  or unwelcome,  even.  it's just nice to hear it and even nicer to believe him,  as baffling as it might seem:  izzy hands is a lot of things,  most of them not exactly positive,  but lucius supposes he can trust him when it comes to getting out of sticky situations,  when it's about improving his chances of survival.  and really,  they were painfully low before the man showed up like a mirage in the night,  before either sharks or fatigue could do the boy in for good.  even the usual snark isn't met with too much fuss.  lucius simply secures the blanket tighter around himself and when the eye roll comes it's more out of a matter of habit,  almost entirely half-hearted,  than actual grievance.

it takes being told not to worry, instead, to startle him out of the numbness taking hold of his limbs.  it shakes him out of the comforting darkness where what just happened to him is a distant dot on the horizon,  a nightmare he simply has to wake up from.   '  yeah?  and what will happen to them while i hide away in one of stede's ridiculous secret rooms or something?  '   voice crushed into a mixture of vitriol and disbelief,  lucius edges closer to the side of the little boat,  rendered suddenly aware of which side izzy would inevitably take in all of this,  when not covered by night and whatever blissful state of ignorance blackbeard has stumbled over.  he really should stop there,  shut his mouth and wait,  do as he is told,  yet the memory of fear turns his tongue sharp.   '  he is out of his mind,  hope you know that.  '

         COME WITH ME, he says, like it's the easiest thing in the world. like izzy could just step over the railing & into the waiting tender & desert his post & never look back. like he could leave this ship — the only place he had ever felt  that he belonged to something — & sail into the night with the most beautiful man he’d ever seen & not the faintest clue of what might wait for them tomorrow. ❝ me ... go with you ? ❞ he repeats, his disbelief plain. surely it couldn't be that easy. offers like this weren’t extended to men like him.

                              but edward teach is still lingering there in the starlight looking at him expectantly, like he actually wants izzy at his side. & he is right, after all — if his superiors discover that he had helped their prisoner escape, he would hang for treason. even if they didn’t, failing in his duties as night watchman was likely to earn him twenty lashes. izzy had accepted the price all along; it had been just another inevitable cost of life under the crown. but when he is offered another course, it’s as if the tethers that had been holding him aboard are severed in an instant. & izzy pulls himself over the railing to let himself drop into the rowboat in a single decisive movement, the descent line still in his hand. ❝ you know, something tells me i might be fucked either way, ❞ he says, even as a smile comes to his face, wide & wild. & izzy gradually releases his grip, the small boat lowering into the dark water below. ❝ but going with you will probably be more fun, eh ? ❞

edward breathes in the night air as the man speaks,   eyes closed,  already tasting freedom along with the salt on his tongue.  he doesn't appear to be,  but he is listening and closely at that,  his gut telling him that his improbable saviour is right   (   even the navy happens upon decent sailors once in a while,  it seems   ).  when edward opens his eyes again,  it's sudden,  the look of someone startled out of his wits and is not quite grasping what's going on.  it has nothing to do with the pain lancing up his leg in steady waves and everything to do with the man still standing behind the railing,  up on the ship.  his half delirious brain must have taken quite the leap without his mouth following through,  simply assuming he wouldn't have left there alone,  and is now struggling to catch up to speed.

''  hey,  no.  wait.  ''   jaw clenches as he struggles to pull himself on his feet again,  hanging on to a rope secured to the side of the hull.  for some reason,  the way he used we sits like an anchor weighting on his sternum,  pressing down and not supposed to be there.   ''  this fucking place is a cage,  don't you see it?  ''   oh he could throw dirt on his majesty's flag all night long,  but they don't have that much time so edward will have to make do.   ''  come with me.  you're fucked if they find out what you did,  anyway.  ''

       THE RESISTANT TONE jim takes makes izzy flinch in spite of himself. he knows the price for failing to obtain obedience from the crew — has learned the lesson twice over by now. he knows that when things go wrong aboard the ship, it is he who shoulders the blame. & he also knows that their current hell is at least partially of his own making, and that it is his duty to the crew is bear the brunt of edward's rage. so he takes his punishments without complaint, bites his tongue to keep from screaming & doesn't pull away even when the knife cuts through bone.

                  but he has not entirely gained control of the fear that takes hold of him when he knows it's coming, his breath hitching & his hands beginning to tremble. & this mistake will certainly provoke edward's wrath, the cask of rum they’d taken on in the last raid evidently improperly secured & left to crack open & soak the storeroom with liquor. still, izzy tries to speak evenly, to sound confident, to stand straight despite the stabbing ache in his mangled foot.

    ❝ you’ll do as i say & keep your mouth shut about it, ❞ he snaps, loathing the waver he cannot entirely keep out of his voice. ❝ i’ll handle this mess, & you’'ll go back to your post & stay out of the way. ❞ & out of edward's line of fire. ❝ that’s an order, jim. ❞

❝ we will never speak of this again. ❞ — for jim from izzy ( @musecraft )

"THERE'S- THERE'S NO WAY HE DOESN'T NOTICE THIS." The crew's "crime" may as well have been splattered across the room. They were fucked. They were all fucked. Blackbeard was going to lose what was left of his mind over this silly, stupid error.

As always, Izzy spoke with the utmost certainty. As if he could see into the future and know that as long as they kept their damn mouths shut everything would be okay. And Jim wanted to believe him. Christ almighty. All he had to do was turn around and climb back up to the deck. But his feet, always nimble and ready to dance across the ground as if he walked on clouds, were now made of lead. A quick glance out of the corner of his eye was all Jim needed to know the truth. Nothing could make Izzy lose his composure completely. But a well trained eye could see how the past few months had worn on him. Before he could so much as make an offer Izzy cut him off, "we will never speak of this again."

Fuck that.

"Enough with the lone wolf shit. I'm not going't let you take the fall for this. " Either they figured this out or their deranged captain cut off both their toes.

❝ NO WORSE FOR WEAR. ❞ save the missing toes, the sleepless nights, & the damnable bleeding heart in edward's chest that insisted upon making the rest of the caribbean bleed with it. but izzy knows better than to say so aloud. whatever the cause of edward's good mood today, he doesn't anticipate it to last — but he also doesn't intend to befoul it. ❝ we're already older than most of our lot will ever be. must be doing something right. ❞

You are not the burnt and broken shell of a man that I believed you to be. — for ed from izzy ( @musecraft )

"And you're not the listless, browbeaten husk of a man that I feared you'd become. Look at us. How many decades? And no worse for wear then when we started."

      IF DROWNING COULD BE PLEASANT, it might feel something like this, izzy thinks as he feels himself drift deeper down down down into the kiss. the sensation of someone touching him so gently is pleasant, & the hand pressed against his chin is large & soft. & he does like it, he decides at last. so much so that when lucius stops to speak, izzy can’t help but groan quietly in protest. & it quickly turns into a scowl when lucius taps the side of his head. ❝ what is it with everyone on this fucking ship's obsessive need to — ❞ he cuts himself off with an aggravated sigh, refusing to let bonnet's favorite phrase leave his mouth. not here, not now.

            but izzy still doesn’t release his hold on lucius’ jacket, eyes downcast as he fiddles absently with the lapel. it takes him a moment, weighing the words carefully on his tongue before he lets them out. ❝ i don't want to talk, ❞ he finally says, voice low but steady. ❝ i want to keep kissing you. i want to touch you. ❞ as if to make the point, his gloved hand reaches out to rest just above the other man’s knee. & izzy slowly pulls his eyes up lucius’ body, for the first time truly allowing himself to appreciate the slope of his torso, the broadness of his chest, the kiss-flushed shade of his lips. ❝ i want to see you, & — ❞ he pauses, breath going shallow. ❝ & i want you to see me... underneath all this, i mean. ❞

izzy curls his hand around his light jacket again,   bringing them closer still and lucius lets out a laugh,  small,  more breath huffing out of his lips than sound.   '  like that,  do you?  '    lucius has certainly no complaints about it to make.  and besides,  he has better things to do,  like for example shifting just enough so that he can put one hand on izzy's leather clad shoulder while the other daringly comes to rest at the man's jaw,  skin on skin.  heart skipping a tiny beat,  lucius has to remind himself that izzy asked to be touched,  that this is fine,  all good,  nothing to worry about.  the angriest,  possibly most repressed man he's ever met,  allowed lucius to touch him, to lead him to a bed,  and is currently kissing him carefully..  gently even?  which is nice,  sure,  but. 

'  i'm not going to break.  you don't have to hold back if you don't want to.  '   on his part,  lucius is keeping his own touch considerate,  grounding rather than hurried  —  not because he is scared or inexperienced,  god no,  but simply because this should be a safe space,  one where izzy can let himself have this without shoving it away as fast as he can.   '  tell me what's going on in here,  '   he speaks quietly,  voice steady,  as he lightly taps a finger to izzy's temple.   '  tell me exactly what you want.  '

    ❝ COMPLICATED, ❞ izzy scoffs under his breath. it's not nearly a big enough word to fill three years of silence, & he shakes his head at the sheer inadequacy of the explanation. it's hard to believe that billy actually thought he wouldn't still be here, especially considering that it wasn’t izzy who had left in the first place. but there's something earnest & achey in his tone, voice stretched tight. & izzy has to remind himself that whatever really happened, he can be pretty certain that billy didn't want to go — he never would left his ocean willingly.

                        still, izzy can’t bring himself to look billy in the eyes, his gaze pushed off-center instinctually like when he’s been looking into the sun too long. & instead, he finds himself glaring at the boy behind them, now turned to face away as if he can tell that he's being stared down. he’s tall, good-looking, exactly billy's type, & far too pale to be a california native. ❝ steve, ❞ he repeats, the name leaving a bitter taste in his mouth. ❝ right. ❞ he doesn't need to hear any more to understand. in those years apart while izzy stayed in the same place, billy had moved on.

              izzy has to force himself to meet those blue eyes again, to push through the way they almost singe his skin. ❝ ‘course i'm still fuckin' here, where else am i gonna go ? ❞ but he says it with a soft smile. it's a truce — at least for now — & it dawns on him suddenly that he doesn't even know where billy's been this whole time... or if he will be leaving again, going back to some new home with steve that izzy can't even begin to imagine. ❝ & you ? what are you doing back here, after all this time ? bringing your boyfriend to visit, is it ? ❞

what took you so long? the question lingers. sits heavy on his chest. because it's a good question, it's an honest question. and it's not like he wanted to take too long. it's moreso that he got his soul stolen from him. he got beaten and buried on the ground. he died and had to rebuild himself from the ground up. everything was against billy making it back to the sand. and if he was on his own, he. he wouldn't have made it. he knows this. he had given up on himself month number two out of cali. and he doesn't know if he can admit that to izzy. he can be honest.

"thought there wouldn't be anything left for me. besides the ocean." the end. that billy would die and he'd be one with the ocean he means but here you are and. how long have you been waiting. and he's being honest. he doesn't know if he likes it. "-i didn't think you would wait. things got, so so fucking complicated." billy can tell. it's been three years and izzy is here like he's been here for three years, and billy isn't alone. because hawkins was a shit hole but steve. steve wasn't shit, he was a goddamn lifeline and it would take forever to begin to explain how billy would be one with the goddamn ocean if steve had given up on him. but billy, billy can tell by the way izzy asks.

"-i'm telling you. things got complicated." feels his tongue heavy. like he won't be able to fucking explain and maybe he won't. he looks over his shoulder before looking at izzy. not apologetic. not sorry. because. there's nothing to be sorry about. things are never easy for billy and he doesn't know how to explain. "that's steve." and he tries to say it in a normal way. he knows it won't sound that way. "-honest to god izzy, i didn't think you would be here. i didn't think you'd want to see me again." like what happened was billy's fault. it feels like it is. and there's this fear that somehow this will crumble before billy can even think about it again.

❝ He was my closest friend. Lost to a cheap and cowardly shot. ❞ 🪐 — @shadowcovcn ▶ edward teach for izzy hands

         AFTER A LIFETIME of battle spent mostly managing to avoid scars, it seemed his luck had finally dried up. he’d had a good run, but now izzy was getting old, his body slower & more mangled by the week. & it was leading to stupid mistakes, unnecessary injuries. it’s a testament to how badly the past months had been for his normally excellent track record that he couldn’t even be certain which shot ed was referring to — the one delivered by his own hand, or the hit the prince had managed to land in their skirmish to escape nassau. ❝ would you stop being so fucking dramatic ? ❞ he grumbles & shifts slightly, restless in the bed. the movement leaves his still healing bullet wound throbbing. science may have told them that there was nothing important on that side of the body, but it still hurt like holy hell. ❝ you never lost me. knew right where i was the whole time. ❞ 

                        but izzy has known ed long enough to be able to hear the muffled note of remorse in his tone, understand the apology hidden in his words. it's hard not to think about the last time ed had appeared at his bedside like this, glowing like a messenger from god himself. as izzy lie damned & dying, he'd half thought ed had come to personally deliver him to his death. but today is entirely different; as if ed has come seeking absolution. but he doesn't need it; izzy has already forgiven him, for everything. ❝ & you're not gonna lose me, ❞ he says, voice quieter but no less rough. ❝ i’m not going anywhere. you don't understand that yet ? ❞

🪐 — spotify wrapped memes : @shadowcovcn ( frenchie ) for izzy # 66 61 ▶ free by florence + the machine

❝ THIS IS HOW IT IS — how it's always been. ❞ they're alone in the captain's cabin, just the two of them, & izzy allows himself to watch frenchie's hands with open appraciation as they gracefully move over the strings of his lute. with the wedding fast approaching, the new captain & his first mate had a surprise performance to plan. & given all that they'd been through in recent weeks, it felt only right to celebrate their collective survival. a little strange, maybe, but somehow fitting. ❝ we exist in the face of suffering & death & somehow still keep singing. ❞

🪐 — spotify wrapped memes : @immobiliter ( silver ) for izzy # 47 ▶ don't let him go by reo speedwagon

THE UNBROKEN HORIZON is an unwelcome sight, izzy's frown deepening as he scans for any sign of approach & finds none. ❝ how can we wait anymore ? ❞ he questions. despite the renewed sense of purpose he had found upon joining the fight against the crown, patience was not a virtue he'd been blessed with. & silver seemed to hold confidence their leader, near as he could tell. but in truth, izzy still wasn't certain what to make of the legendary captain flint & his ever-shifting plans to stoke the war. the uncertainty of it had left him feeling restless, mistrustful. ❝ i'm still wondering what it is we're even waiting for. ❞

🪐 — spotify wrapped memes : @shadowcovcn ( edward ) for izzy # 98 ▶ rodeo by lil nas x

THOUGH HE'D THREATENED to leave more than once over the long years they'd sailed together, it had always been spoken out of frustration, empty of any genuine truth. but izzy can tell by the hard look in ed's eyes that this is different — this is real. ❝ i thought you would stay with me. ❞ terror wells up inside him, the idea of a future without his captain at his side utterly unknowable. ❝ i'm yours, you're mine. ❞ his hand flexes, longing to reach for ed. but izzy resists the urge toward gentleness, as he always does. instead he curls his fingers into a fist at his side, well-worn leather tightening over his knuckles. even now, his body remembers its place. yet his voice proves more difficult to control, words that are entirely-too-honest spilling out of him in a panic before izzy can stop them. ❝ & what am i gonna do ? i don't have a clue — there is no me without you. ❞