V / Modern. - Tumblr Posts
❝ COMPLICATED, ❞ izzy scoffs under his breath. it's not nearly a big enough word to fill three years of silence, & he shakes his head at the sheer inadequacy of the explanation. it's hard to believe that billy actually thought he wouldn't still be here, especially considering that it wasn’t izzy who had left in the first place. but there's something earnest & achey in his tone, voice stretched tight. & izzy has to remind himself that whatever really happened, he can be pretty certain that billy didn't want to go — he never would left his ocean willingly.
still, izzy can’t bring himself to look billy in the eyes, his gaze pushed off-center instinctually like when he’s been looking into the sun too long. & instead, he finds himself glaring at the boy behind them, now turned to face away as if he can tell that he's being stared down. he’s tall, good-looking, exactly billy's type, & far too pale to be a california native. ❝ steve, ❞ he repeats, the name leaving a bitter taste in his mouth. ❝ right. ❞ he doesn't need to hear any more to understand. in those years apart while izzy stayed in the same place, billy had moved on.
izzy has to force himself to meet those blue eyes again, to push through the way they almost singe his skin. ❝ ‘course i'm still fuckin' here, where else am i gonna go ? ❞ but he says it with a soft smile. it's a truce — at least for now — & it dawns on him suddenly that he doesn't even know where billy's been this whole time... or if he will be leaving again, going back to some new home with steve that izzy can't even begin to imagine. ❝ & you ? what are you doing back here, after all this time ? bringing your boyfriend to visit, is it ? ❞
what took you so long? the question lingers. sits heavy on his chest. because it's a good question, it's an honest question. and it's not like he wanted to take too long. it's moreso that he got his soul stolen from him. he got beaten and buried on the ground. he died and had to rebuild himself from the ground up. everything was against billy making it back to the sand. and if he was on his own, he. he wouldn't have made it. he knows this. he had given up on himself month number two out of cali. and he doesn't know if he can admit that to izzy. he can be honest.
"thought there wouldn't be anything left for me. besides the ocean." the end. that billy would die and he'd be one with the ocean he means but here you are and. how long have you been waiting. and he's being honest. he doesn't know if he likes it. "-i didn't think you would wait. things got, so so fucking complicated." billy can tell. it's been three years and izzy is here like he's been here for three years, and billy isn't alone. because hawkins was a shit hole but steve. steve wasn't shit, he was a goddamn lifeline and it would take forever to begin to explain how billy would be one with the goddamn ocean if steve had given up on him. but billy, billy can tell by the way izzy asks.
"-i'm telling you. things got complicated." feels his tongue heavy. like he won't be able to fucking explain and maybe he won't. he looks over his shoulder before looking at izzy. not apologetic. not sorry. because. there's nothing to be sorry about. things are never easy for billy and he doesn't know how to explain. "that's steve." and he tries to say it in a normal way. he knows it won't sound that way. "-honest to god izzy, i didn't think you would be here. i didn't think you'd want to see me again." like what happened was billy's fault. it feels like it is. and there's this fear that somehow this will crumble before billy can even think about it again.
kami's exhausted. tired. it's his own fault, really, pushing himself to work the last few days of the work week when he felt under the weather at best. it's a good thing he had today off, he'd PLANNED to spend most of it sleeping. at least, for the most part, he's feeling better. it must be the lack of patrons or customer service voice he has to put on.
at the very least, kami had anticipated lying in a miserable stupor for most of the weekend. not that he'd planned on shutting anyone ELSE out. but sometimes, his thoughts ― even with his medication ― get the best of him. he's found it far more helpful to let himself stew in self imposed misery before reaching out for a sense of normalcy.
when he hears the knocks on his door, he groans and hoists himself up off the couch, knocking his phone to the ground. he'd intended on MAYBE browsing the internet at some point today, but that's forgotten about as he rests his hand on the doorknob. kami realizes he probably should actually check to see who's at the door ― he hadn't expected company, nor had he ordered food. there should be no real reason for anyone to just randomly knock on the door.
he pulls it open.
for a second, kaminari stares at the figure before him. too tired, head pounding, and just confused. this... looks like someone he'd once known a long time ago. months and months and―
he promptly SLAMS the door shut, even going the extra mile to turn the lock. all at once, his chest tightens and aches, like he's having a heart attack randomly. cluching his chest, kami sinks to the ground, turning his back to the door and leaning against it. he's breathing heavily, hunched forward with knees drawn up. cluching his temples, kami lets out a terrified moan, staring wide eyed at the ground.
"no, you stopped haunting me," kami blurts out. voice, probably muffled through the door. he EXPECTS 'kuni' to hear it. "i'm on meds now, you stopped haunting me. you aren't supposed to hurt me anymore. why are you me?"
no, NOT him. kuni. she'd introduced herself as kuni this time. the wave of panic rushes over him again, threatening to drown him. kami almost can't even breathe, save for wheezing rasps as he presses his trembling fingers more painfully against his temples. "you're dead. you're both dead. makoto why? please stop haunting me, please just leave me alone. i'm... please..."
he can hear his blood roaring in his ears loud enough that it threatens to drown out his THOUGHTS. the door before him looks more imposing than it has any right to be. knock. knock. knock. that's all he needs to do — that's supposed to be the easy part, yet ku ... no, ren finds himself freezing when it counts. ( cold feet. just his luck, huh? ) it probably doesn't help that this is the longest he's spent in public in — well, MONTHS. the brunt of his social interactions have consisted of monosyllabic exchanges with the night shift cashier of his local convenience store. after a while they stopped even questioning the vast amounts of caffeine-leaden garbage he was putting into his body. in hindsight, that probably wasn't a good thing.
okay. enough stalling. an inhale, an exhale — and he's raising a hand, rapping knuckles sharply against his cousin's door.
ren waits and waits and waits for him to answer. he's adorned himself in a dark jacket with a hood large enough to comfortably shroud any recognizable features from wandering eyes. ( fucking security cameras might as well be planted on every street corner these days. ) the lower half of his face is adorned with a mask, and when the door FINALLY cracks open, he preemptively hooks a finger beneath the thin fabric. ❝ ... kaminari. ❞ the name feels awkward on his tongue, like the months and months of separation have left it feeling unfamiliar. he stares at his cousin — meeting the eyes that bear such eerie resemblance to his own. he really should have taken the time to plan out what he was going to say, but he didn't and there's no point in agonizing over what's already done. ❝ i know how strange this might look, but i can explain. ❞ and he punctuates the reassurance by tugging the mask down, revealing his face in full. same indigo hair, same piercings, same shadows beneath his eyes from a decade of substituting coffee for sleep.
❝ it's kuni. seriously. and i'm not dead — never was. ❞ weight shifts impatiently from one foot to the other. he has to fight the urge to look over his shoulder. ❝ can you hurry up and let me in? standing around out here is making my skin crawl. ❞
@oficeandwind new and improved modern AU!
he waits for the noises outside to die down. kami doesn't TRUST himself to open the door immediately and check. but he raises his gaze toward the ceiling, checking to make sure no hallucination is going to suddenly manifest from above. when nothing shows up, kami squeezes his arms, pinching them and leaving red spots behind. not enough to BRUISE, but more to check that he's lucid.
his pills were supposed to be stronger than this. but usually, the noises are followed with visuals, and without those, kami is starting to breathe regularly. more FORCED, but he's breathing. carefully, quietly, he's turning around and lifting himself up to peek through the hole. he's terrified of what he'll maybe see on the other side, so he sucks in a deep breath, pressing his hands to the door as he looks.
it feels like something straight out of a horror movie. there's NOTHING there ― but he's not marking himself as safe yet. not until he knows for sure.
"k...kuni?" kami tests the waters. he holds his breath as he scans what little he can see, but either the manifestation left, or kami was just having a very lucid dream. unlocking the door, he pulls it open, just in time to see his cousin.
with a shriek, kaminari jumps back, tripping over his own feet and landing HARD on his ass. it's painful, and he's wincing, half rolling to his side to rub at his tailbone. the door swings open wide to slam into the inside wall with enough force to almost slam shut again. LUCKILY, it doesn't. and the door rests, slightly more than ajar and leaving kami with plenty of room to stare.
his gaze never leaves his cousin. he's still not sure if he's hallucinating anything or not, but he's very much aware he's awake this time, with clarity. there's no fade out, no whispers that accompany this. just a very real, very SOLID figure sitting on his porch and looking almost dejected. or at least, that's what the posture looks like to kami.
"what the fuck, kunikuzushi?" kami snaps. the panic is fading, giving way to very sharp anger. he's still trembling, now harder than before. he isn't sure if he's going to have another anxiety attack or pass out, but he remains seated. "what the hell is actually wrong with you? if you're even real, that is!"
he lurches back when the door SLAMS in his face, only just barely managing to preserve his dignity by swallowing back a yelp. ❝ kami — ! ❞ the hacker hisses, trying his damndest to keep a low voice while still somehow conveying his displeasure to the SABOTEUR on the other side. he surrenders to his paranoia, glancing over his shoulder to ensure no wandering eyes are watching this downright embarrassing display. fortunately, the neighbors haven't come creeping out of their homes to gawk like the empty-skulled lemmings they most assuredly are — but that doesn't mean this commotion won't draw unwanted attention if he isn't able to stop it quickly. ❝ bastard. ❞ ren mutters, turning back to the door. he has half a mind to start clawing at it like a cat. see how much of a hallucination he is after he's caused a pretty penny of well earned PROPERTY DAMAGE.
he settles for knocking — again. still clinging to the barest threads of proper social decorum, if only for the sake of minimizing the spectacle. ❝ i'm not aunt makoto — and i'm not another manifestation of your mind playing tricks on you. ❞ knock. knock. knock. ❝ i'm very real and very alive. i can even prove it if you'd just do me a favor and open up already. what's the harm? it's just me. ❞ knock. knock. knock. ❝ you know that i know how to pick locks. so why don't you save us both the trouble and let me in ... before i FORCE my way in and throttle you. non — ugh. NON-FATALLY, for the record! ❞
this clearly isn't working. his back hits the door with an audible THUMP and he sinks down to the ground. tugging knees to his chest, ren rests his chin on top of them. maybe this was a bad idea. ( no, it definitely is. ) he's well aware that kaminari has his own demons — and is swiftly coming to the unnerving realization he probably contributed GENEROUSLY to them with his little stunt. he simply assumed appearing like this would be enough to fix it. fix everything. repair the damage, repay his debt — though it seems as if he's accumulated INTEREST over the months and months he's diligently kept himself hidden. ren didn't think kaminari would care so much. his mother certainly didn't; she couldn't even be bothered to handle his funeral arrangements herself.
they hadn't even gotten the flowers right; bruise-violet and crimson like freshly spilled blood. his favorite color was BLUE.
❝ i made a mistake. ❞ he finally says, voice taut like a string pulled near to breaking. ❝ i had to resort to doing something desperate — otherwise i would have ended up dead for real ... please, kaminari. ❞ pride tastes foul on his tongue, but ren swallows it down to beg. ❝ i need your help. just open the door ... and i'll give you the explanation you deserve. ❞
his mind is an empty state of what the fuck, on repeat. it's like a static hum in the back of his mind, leaving him unable to do ANYTHING until kuni is inside. it's only at this point that kami manages to get to his feet, lurching toward the door to slam it shut, locking it once more.
he's still not sure what's actually happening, only that there's a sense of URGENCY that has him even more on edge. "i'm sorry," kami says, clenching his teeth and holding back the urge to snap. "if i can't call you by your fucking name―" he stops there, looking back toward the door. he doesn't know his neighbors well enough to have a solid connection. he's doubtful any of them would actually care about someone named kunikuzushi, but he also hasn't been part of his cousin's world. he doesn't know what exactly is going through kuni's mind.
"so basically you let me think you were dead for months on end." his voice is flat. he's still running over all the information in his mind, trying to make sense of it. it's only giving him an even bigger headache, and threatening to pull him down into some depth of despair and heartbreak. kami gets it though. LOGICALLY, he can understand why kuni did what he did. kami isn't sure he'd take the same exact road, but he can understand burning all bridges (literally) to get out of trouble.
emotionally though, kami feels betrayed and heartbroken. he'd thought their bond had been a lot stronger than this. kami had relied on kuni for A LOT, and part of him is even wondering if his own demons had helped contribute to this, like kuni WANTED to get away from him.
his eyes are starting to wonder from these thoughts, so kami turns away to hastily wipe his eyes. he's not going to start crying now, not when there's so much to actually discuss. he still needs answers, though he's not sure how likely he is to get all of them right now. kuni is probably exhausted, and needs a place to stay and... kami has a spare bedroom...
"...if you had to do all that, then why come back at all?" kami asks. his voice is neutral, forcing himself to turn back to his cousin. "why not just let me THINK you were gone forever? i would've coped, survived, something." it's not a lie, either. even after his downward spiral thanks to his own mother, kami eventually found a way to bounce back. he likes to think he'd bounced back quicker after kuni's death, with it only taking a matter of months, instead of years.
his life is still a shit hot mess though.
"...and i'm assuming you want to stay here?" he's reaching for kuni though. desperately needing to FEEL how solid his cousin is. as mad and depressed kami is over the entire incident, kuni is still his cousin. someone he always held in high regard. to lose him again would destroy him.
despite his numerous requests ( demands, really ) ren isn't expecting it when the door finally DOES open. this time, he doesn't have the chance to swallow back his surprise — the hacker audibly yelps, and nearly falls over, only just barely managing to catch himself at the last possible moment. ( fortunately; if he landed on his laptop he would be furious. ) ❝ yes, yes. kunikuzushi. why don't you say it louder — i don't think the entire neighborhood has heard you yet. ❞ he knows it isn't kaminari's fault; his cousin isn't aware of the circumstances surrounding — well, ANY part of the mess he's gotten himself into. he's horribly stressed and his nerves are frayed and it's compelling him to lash out unjustly. he'll remember to feel guilt for that later; at the moment, he only has enough mental real estate to tackle one MISTAKE at a time.
the door is open, so ren decides he's going to take advantage of the opportunity before his cousin comes back to his senses. deft hands snatch up the flower pot resting on the porch beside him. it contains a SUCCULENT — a tiny, yet vibrant thing with healthy leaves. ( it's all he has for luggage. ) he rises to his feet and slips inside kaminari's home swift as the breeze, nudging the door shut behind him. it's only then that the hacker allows himself the luxury of a sigh; it feels like a weight has been lifted off his chest — not entirely, but enough so that he can draw breath without a STRUGGLE. ❝ i'm a member of this family. ❞ he says, looking down at his cousin. there's a twinge of sympathy in his eyes — as if that simple fact alone has DOOMED them both. ❝ naturally there's a lot of things wrong with me, but we don't have all day to list them. ❞ he at least has the courtesy to nudge the other with his shoe. it's a gesture that might be construed as playful or annoying ( or both ) under different circumstances, but here it serves as proof of his existence.
well. that was supposed to be the easy part. the hard part is actually explaining himself.
❝ i know it seems extreme. ❞ obviously. ❝ faking my own death isn't the sort of choice i would make if i had any other option. i needed to disappear — and the only way i could do that WITHOUT being seen as a loose end ... was if they thought i was no longer in any position to TALK. ❞ it was either that or run — but if he ran, there was no telling what they would do. target his mother? fine — she could fend for herself. target kaminari? he didn't deserve that.
anxiety has afflicted him with a strange, nervous sort of energy. ren finds he's started to pace — back and forth, back and forth like an animal trapped in a too-small cage. ❝ the ... that group i was involved with. i know you weren't exactly fond of them, but they were worse than i ever let on. considerably worse. i still continued to lend them my services, because ... ❞ because he liked feeling useful. feeling powerful. how stupid of him. ❝ ... not important. i had to leave — and kunikuzushi needed to die ... so to make a very long story short, that's precisely what i arranged to have happen. ❞
REN.
it's so foreign in his mind. it's easy enough to remember; only a single syllable. he clicks his tongue, trying to say it out loud, but it's like his voice stops. kami can't bring himself to utter anything right now. the tears are threatening to come back. even as he squeezes kuni's...no, ren's arm, kami feels a lump in his throat that he hasn't felt for years.
everything is rolling over him and threatening to crush him. he's not a crier, he hasn't let himself cry in so long. and yet, his very REAL cousin is here, offering his best iteration of an apology, and just. he's here.
letting his arms drop, kami sniffs, trying to swallow that stupid lump. it's not going away, and his throat is just filling up until he almost can't BREATHE again. it's a painful ache that's spreading up and stinging his entire face. this is embarrassing.
"of course―" i want you to stay here, is what kami WANTS to say. but his voice is too broken right now, stumbling over tears and a wave of embarrassment so strong he might as well be nauseous.
kami's hands come up to press over his face. his cousin, his stupid, reckless, best friend, is not allowed to see him so weak and pathetic right now.
( IT'S OKAY TO CRY, THOUGH. )
and yet, kami's sobbing. sitting back down on the ground, almost collapsing in a boneless heap. he hunches forward, as if THAT would hide his embarrassment from ren. ren. not kuni. it's amazing that the simple name is already starting to click in his mind.
or maybe kami's just latching onto anything at this point to make it more real than anything else has ever been. he wants to force some words out. say ANYTHING, but nothing comes to mind. his head is yet another buzz of jumbled thoughts and fragments of statements, but getting the actual words out is nigh impossible at the moment.
"―you fucking―" is all that comes out. you fucking idiot, i love you. "―don't ever―"
he sniffs again, trying to stop himself. it's not working well, almost like the NEED is too compulsory, and kami just needs to let the sobs run their course. "―stupid bitch―"
he's not sure who that last one is directed at: himself or ren. maybe a little bit of both. they're both amazingly idiotic; it runs in the family. they're both stupid for different reasons, but up until now, it's always worked. he feels stupid right now, certainly. stupid for letting grief impact his ability to live, stupid for being so emotional over ren coming back. no longer kuni.
"―stay."
kami needs his cousin here. not to test how real he is, kami very much is relieved that this is not a figment of his imagination. he's okay, he's going to BE okay. his support system is back, and they can tackle any other conversation once kami is actually able to speak again. until then, he's just going to cry and feel like a stupid bitch about it.
he thinks the lock clicking into place behind him should be a source of COMFORT. they're inside now — shielded from the prying eyes of the world beyond. it feels like every time he's out in the open, the stares are a physical weight upon his back — heedless of whether they actually exist or not. realistically ren knows a simple door won't be enough to keep either of them safe. monsters can lurk in plain sight; behind a disarming smile, an anonymous username, in crunched numbers and lines of code. the deeper he allows himself to sink into his PARANOIA, the worse he feels. it would be one thing if his fears weren't based in reality, but unfortunately the hacker knows firsthand just how real they are. ❝ ... call me ren now. that's the identity i assumed after — well, everything. ❞ his alleged demise. ❝ people will ask questions if they hear you speaking with a dead man. you should spare yourself the trouble and crush their curiosity before it starts. ❞
kaminari has every right to be FURIOUS with him, of course. he tries to imagine how he would react were their positions reversed. would he be angry? hurt? probably — but that doesn't make his cousin's line of questioning sting any less. gritting his teeth, he forces himself to cease his relentless pacing. every bone in his body feels locked into place, joints traded for cement. ren's throat goes tight, tight, tight to the point of actual pain — like an invisible set of hands wish to choke any effort to DEFEND himself out of him. ❝ i didn't ... want to abandon you. ❞ abandon, just as every single person in their lives meant to protect them ... ultimately ABANDONED THEM instead. ❝ i had to stay away. lay low. it was the only way to guarantee you would be safe. ❞ honestly, the fact he's even here now is still a risk — six months may feel like an ETERNITY, but in the grand scheme of everything, it's hardly a drop in the bucket. just barely long enough for his presumed demise to be convincing.
he doubts kaminari will see it that way. no one likes a martyr — yet another reason why ren is such a wholly unpalatable individual. ( even so, he'll bear his anger if that's what it takes. )
lavender gaze flicks up. he sees kaminari reaching for him and extends a hand — an open invitation to prove that he's solid, real, alive. ❝ i heard about the funeral. ❞ ren says. it's a bit hard to look directly at his cousin directly, so he settles for the wall behind him — somewhere just off to the right. ❝ it's pretty typical of my mother not to care ... i guess i just thought, considering the circumstances, she might actually feel compelled to give a damn. ❞ he exhales a quiet huff. how stupid. how naive. ❝ ... i think you're the only one who actually cared i was gone. ❞
his free arm hugs the flower pot even closer to his chest, almost as if it's meant to serve as a lifeline. ❝ if you're willing to have me here, i'll stay. ❞ he'll even pay rent — money is always easy to acquire when one isn't afraid to resort to more QUESTIONABLE means. ❝ ... but i understand if you would rather not. i just wanted to give a little closure. all things considered, that's probably the least that i owe you. ❞
having thoughts about chongyun in modern!verse.
but basically chongyun is a popular paranormal streamer/youtuber. he'll stream himself going on ghost hunts, and then upload videos of like, ghost compilations or talking about haunted locations/cryptids. it's earned chongyun a fair amount of popularity and they love doing it.
but also chongyun is most likely really sensitive to supernatural energies, or ley lines that are strewn about. chongyun can sense if a spirit or entity is good or bad, and they can tell which locations are haunted or not. it's not the point that chongyun is psychic or anything, but chongyun probably does have strange gut feelings or can immediately feel a temperature change.
chongyun also collects EVPs too, along with pictures. but the EVPs are more for chongyun to keep as a personal record, like their own little collection of proof that they know what they're doing.
i don't know i just think it's neat. chongyun is just. HHHH about the paranormal in general.
it feels like hours pass by. kami's throat is sore, his eyes STING, and yet, when he finally looks up, it's only been mere minutes. he knows he looks like a mess, kami FEELS like he needs a long dunk in the bath.
but looking at ren has kami feeling guilty. not over ren's actions, not because he'd yelled, but because he also made ren cry. they're both that far gone, huh?
kami isn't sure where he wants to go from here. to HUG his cousin and have an official reunion? or to give each other space for a bit? there are way too many thoughts and questions swirling around in his mind, but nothing that settles to give him a direction. he sits for a few seconds, really taking the time to study his cousin. first, he's looking at that ugly flower pot.
not that kaminari can JUDGE ― his amethyst elephant is certainly no better (and on display right next to his television), but the fact that the pot is bedazzled has kami wondering exactly what ren did in his spare time. kami is even scanning the room for a place to PUT said plant, since it clearly means something to his long lost cousin.
he wonders if ren is tired. kami DOES have a spare bedroom that rarely gets used. there's not really a bed in there ― more of a futon type bed, but it'd work for now until he could help ren get settled in more. there's at least bedding to use. could ren use his own shower?
he's slowly getting back to his feet, making a mental note to splash water on his face in a little bit, once he helps ren feel settled. kami is no stranger to keeping himself shut away; he's certain his neighbors just think he's a recluse. which, REALLY isn't too far from the truth.
"ren." kami's voice is hoarse now, so he clears his throat, before moving awkwardly toward the hall closet. "do you...uh." he grabs a towel and tosses it toward his cousin. "...want to like. you know. clean up? i have some spare clothes i can lend you for now."
he hadn't noticed any particular smell, though that could also be shock clouding his mind. the towel lands on the floor, and kami stares at it for a few seconds. "the. uh. the spare bedroom is..." he trails off, but jerks with his thumb. "i have a futon in there, if you want to rest for awhile too. you're probably exhausted."
this is so AWKWARD. he's completely forgotten how to talk to ren, and it's even more awkward trying to pretend they both haven't just been sobbing on the floor together. but kami wants to return to feeling normal.
(WHAT EVEN IS NORMAL ANYMORE?)
"why don't you take a shower? i'll leave the clothes in the spare― in your room, and i'll make us something to eat, unless you're not hungry." he still has so many questions. kami wants to know EVERYTHING. he wants to hug ren and never let go. but maybe it can all wait until they've both had a chance to settle down and clear their minds.
he's bracing for rejection — because OF COURSE he is. the hacker is a pessimist by nature, yet in all fairness, life has given him very few reasons to assume otherwise. it's always better to prepare oneself for betrayal and heartache than allow those feelings to attack him completely unguarded. ( and assuming anything EVER goes right, he can be pleasantly surprised. ) naturally, he expects kaminari to be no different. he'll throw him out. he'll curse him for daring to show his face again — perhaps he was even happier with ren gone. closure is all well and good ... but appearing now only really serves to REOPEN old wounds, regardless of his intent. it was selfish of him to think otherwise. so selfish — all the while having the audacity to claim his actions come from a place of care without having the courtesy to offer even an OUNCE of context. he's disgusting. he's wretched. he's evil. he's ... he's spiraling.
six months trapped with only his own head for company haven't exactly been PLEASANT. on some level ren is aware of that — but he's never been forced to truly confront how bad it's gotten until that very moment. breaths are coming shallow and quick. his heart feels like it's trying to claw its way out of his throat. he's dizzy, and kaminari's reply barely registers in his ears — until a single word cuts through the haze of self-loathing like cold steel.
stay. ( stay? ) he actually WANTS him to ...
there's an audible THUMP as ren's knees hit the ground. he feels like a puppet whose strings have been sliced clean through. the hacker at least has enough sense to place his flower pot somewhere off to the side, but the movements feel hazy and dreamlike — disconnected from everything else around him. ❝ i ... ❞ words fizzle and fade on his tongue. he finally forces himself to look at kaminari — blinking in disbelief at the sight that greets him. for one fleeting moment, understanding clicks neatly into place; he's crying, over him. ( actually CRYING. ) that on its own is jarring enough, guilt squeezing his ribcage painfully. he wants to tell him — wants to explain EVERYTHING. what he knows, what he saw. what compelled him to do something so dramatic to begin with — but none of it feels like it would absolve the other of his pain. ren just wanted to protect him. ren still wants to protect him — and if nothing else, this entire exchange only serves as further motivation to keep him safe. kaminari deserves a life free of TROUBLES, without the sins of their family hanging over him like a dark cloud.
a blink, and ren realizes his vision is going blurry. there are tears dripping freely down his own face — traitorous things, like the physical manifestation of his own WEAKNESS. the hacker tugs his hood up, trying to cover himself as best he possibly can. there's a tremor running through his body so fierce his teeth feel like they're chattering and he curls his fingers so tightly into the fabric, it feels like it's about to tear. ❝ thank you. ❞ he manages to choke out, if only BARELY.
❝ ... thank you. ❞ for letting him stay. for actually caring, even in spite of his many ( many ) imperfections.
having thoughts about chongyun in modern!verse.
but basically chongyun is a popular paranormal streamer/youtuber. he'll stream himself going on ghost hunts, and then upload videos of like, ghost compilations or talking about haunted locations/cryptids. it's earned chongyun a fair amount of popularity and they love doing it.
but also chongyun is most likely really sensitive to supernatural energies, or ley lines that are strewn about. chongyun can sense if a spirit or entity is good or bad, and they can tell which locations are haunted or not. it's not the point that chongyun is psychic or anything, but chongyun probably does have strange gut feelings or can immediately feel a temperature change.
chongyun also collects EVPs too, along with pictures. but the EVPs are more for chongyun to keep as a personal record, like their own little collection of proof that they know what they're doing.
i don't know i just think it's neat. chongyun is just. HHHH about the paranormal in general.
@roleplay-abiogenesis2 / cyno
They're on the edge of the desert, and Chongyun is already out of the car and staring off into the endless sea of sand. This is definitely going to be one of those camp-out kind of nights, not that Chongyun is complaining. It's going to be a fun adventure regardless, and he's taking a few pictures to remember this moment.
They're pausing for now; Chongyun still fully intends on taking the car out further into the desert. He'd considered hiking inward, but it'd be easier to drive in and find somewhere to park. Though, Chongyun will also give the choice to Cyno, in case he has better ideas.
Then, they turn back to the car to let Anpu, the Shiba Inu, and Chang'e, the husky, out of the vehicle to let the dogs run around. "Hey, Cyno?" Chongyun asks. "You're ready for exploring, yeah?" They turn to their boyfriend with a large grin. "No cameras, no filming, just the two of us and our dogs."
They bend down to pet Chang'e. "Also, did you want to hike out and camp overnight, or drive further out and just camp out in the back of the car?"
by the time ren comes out of the bathroom, kami's already sitting at his small kitchen table. his own hair is damp, as though he'd stuck his entire head under the kitchen faucet. (he will deny that very action.) his gaze lands on the clothes ren is wearing, and kami has to swallow yet another lump threatening to form in his throat.
he's not going to spend the day bawling his eyes out. once was more than enough for both of them. still, ― this is just another wake up call that kami's facing. a tiny part of him is still not sure if this is actually a very vivid, REALISTIC dream he's having, or if it's just an entire day of bad luck.
though the pain he'd felt earlier would have woken him up regardless.
at ren's question pertaining tea, kami nudges the electric kettle forward. "green tea," kami mutters. "it's all i have." ideally, he'd prefer COFFEE for this scenario. the darkest, most bitter tasting drink he could ever concoct. that bitter taste of energy would be very much needed to keep him going for this conversation they're about to have. kami can't say he's looking forward to it, especially when he still wants to gather ren in a tight hug and never let go.
he even pushes a secondary mug forward, his own mug filled to the brim with green liquid. mostly untouched.
"and you're right, i have a lot of questions. and i'm confused, pissed, and." he stops, shrugging as he looks down. "i don't know, kuni. ren. whoever you are anymore. i guess ultimately i'm just glad you're here."
he tosses a couple packs of the green tea in ren's direction and waits for him to get settled. "i didn't do anything stupid over the last several months. i kept my head down, i stayed out of the limelight, kept to myself. but you know people were questioning your death. avoiding those asshole journalists was even more of a nightmare than dealing with chongyun's fame."
kami takes a sip from his mug, staring into the drink. "i still don't know why you ran with those assholes. i tried telling you they were shitty people and were going to get you hurt. i yelled at your grave. gave it the same chipped treatment i gave makoto's grave. pretty sure i broke my toe that time."
these are light attempts at humor. kami DESPERATELY wants to feel some semblance of normality, but the atmosphere feels like the humor is being sucked up by some vacuum.
"so, start talking. why'd you do it?" he's not sure what he means by it. the initial downward spiral, the faked death. ALL of it.
it's embarrassing that kaminari pulls himself together first, but it can't be helped. the sound of his name ( his NEW NAME ) is enough to wrench the hacker from the confines of his miserable skull. he doesn't look up — not even to catch the towel that lands pathetically on the floor between them. ❝ ... ❞ he scrubs at his eyes with a sleeve, but the telling way that they STING leads ren to assume they probably look too red and puffy to be even remotely presentable. fine by him; he has no interest in removing his hood anyway. ❝ sure. ❞ the hacker mutters hoarsely, before he even takes the time to register what he's AGREEING to. clean up. yeah — he probably should do that. he's been living out of a dingy hotel room for the past six months, too paranoid to risk straying beyond his little safe zone for longer than it took to run to the convenience store across the street. while it did have a shower, hot water has been rare enough that the thought of having free access to it now is something of a NOVELTY.
rising to his feet, the hacker snatches up the towel. there's a pause, eyes peering out beneath his hood — practically boring twin holes through his cousin's forehead with their intensity. jaw works and lips part, but whatever ren has half a mind to say is quickly discarded; instead, he nods and rather awkwardly walks past him.
he takes considerably LONGER than necessary to get himself cleaned up. just as well, the hacker assumes they could both use the opportunity to regain their composure. even so, ren knows he has to face the proverbial music eventually — and after stalling for approximately half an hour, he eventually wanders back out. he's still adorned in the same jacket as before, unable to part with the only means he has of HIDING his face. yet the clothes ren wears are the ones kaminari had the courtesy to leave out for him, and his hair is still damp enough that it clings stubbornly to his cheeks and neck. ( like splashes of dark ink. ) there's no evidence to suggest he was ever crying; he's learned by now how to COVER the signs so effortlessly it's practically second nature. dark shadows still stain the skin beneath his eyes, but those are always there — even a shower with actual water pressure can't wash away a decade of persistent insomnia.
❝ i'm sure you still have questions. ❞ is the first thing ren says. his voice comes with an unmistakable edge of weariness. kaminari is free to ask whatever he PLEASES; the hacker simply can't guarantee an answer. ❝ ... and we should probably discuss the details of this living arrangement. ❞
but first, ❝ do you have any tea? ❞
"I'll be okay," he reassures Cyno. When Chang'e butts her head up against Chongyun, he's bending over to scratch her behind the ears. "I froze a few waterbottles before we left, they're in the cooler in the back." In the desert, it probably wouldn't take long for the water to melt, but the coolness would still keep Chongyun's temperature regulated.
He's more excited to get out there and find ghosts. Right now, Chongyun's energy is high ― the spiritual energy radiating from the desert is giving him energy he never thought he'd feel in so long.
"We're in for a huge treat," Chongyun continues. "There's a lot of something out there, just waiting for us to go explore." They walk around to the boot of the car and open it, revealing all the camping equipment that Chongyun packed. "I say let's hike out first, get a feel for the area, and then come back to get camp setup somewhere. What do you think?"
Chongyun is also slipping their phone into their pocket. No filming, they'd reassured Cyno, but Chongyun is still going to take pictures and film for themself to keep record of. With the desert brimming with activity as is, such an opportunity should not be passed up.
He'd nearly lept out of the car before it even stopped when they had arrived out into the desert proper. Few people in Teyvat City enjoyed this harsh environment like Cyno did. He'd stood out in the sun and taken a good, pleasant, long lungful of the air. Like he was smelling flowers only he could see.
It felt like coming home, in a strange way. Who was it who'd said he had to have been a scarab in his previous life? Maybe it was Collei.
And just as he was delighted to be there, he now felt that joy doubled with the presence of his loved one. At last, he had someone to share his favorite things with, although not without some worries and maybe a little nagging for reassurance.
"I'll never say no to camping, you know what I'm like." He said, briefly holding Anpu by the paws when the Shiba jumped up to lean against him for a close-up smile. His master returned the grin, and rubbed Anpu behind the ears before nudging him off to move closer to Chongyun. "But are you sure you're feeling up to it? It's not quite evening yet. I don't want you to get sick before we're even there."
He tapped his chin in thought, then proposed.
"I could carry everything, so you won't have to overexert yourself."
of everything for kaminari to react to, the phrase 'what would you sacrifice' is what jumps out the most. it's the single most infuriating line, and he's CHEWING on his fist to keep from saying anything until ren finishes explaining himself.
the anger is broiling though, leaving kami red-faced and barely able to contain himself by the time ren's done. honestly, he can tackle everything else after the fact, he is practically LEANING over the table, clenching his mug's handle far too tightly.
and the contents spill out. the table is flooding with hot green tea that spills over the edge, dripping onto the floor.
"what the fuck do you mean, you didn't think you had value?" he snarls, pointing a surprisingly steady finger in ren's direction. "you fucking had me, ren! i was there for you! i TRIED! i did everything i could to beat it through your stupid head that i cared about you. wasn't that good enough, or were you too wrapped up in your own misery?"
he pauses to take a breath, slamming his hand down in the spilled tea. "shit!" the still-hot tea burns, and the added liquid makes the slap sting more than it normally would. slumping back in his seat, he lets out a low groan of forced laughter. this is not at all going like he anticipated. of COURSE he still wants ren to stay. kami is not about to lose him again, and no amount of anger is going to allow him to watch ren slip through his fingers again.
"a misery i fucking share, by the way. your mother's a pile of shit, but in case you forgot, so was mine." he doesn't want to do any gloating about ren's admission. he's still too wrapped up in his anger. which, if he were to think harder, it'd be an anger born of worry and concern that he hadn't done ENOUGH to spare ren his feelings. "but fine. you thought the fatui were good enough, it's whatever. and you found shit out that caused you to fake your death and leave me in some wasteland-esque void or fog for six months."
even in anger, kami is not above dropping movie references. he wonders if ren will know what he's referring to. hopefully not ― give ren something to puzzle over for awhile.
"and i don't need your protection. if you're making moves to come back from the dead, you KNOW that's going to put me in danger too," he adds. though begrudgingly, ren DOES have a point. kami is safe as long as secrets remain exactly that. kami really doesn't want to be involved in whatever secrets have been uncovered, or are STILL secret. he's got his own issues in life without ren telling him everything. it's a hard line to walk down, but kami is willing to at least try. he's sure anyone else would kick ren to the curb and leave him to fend for himself to keep themselves safe.
perhaps kami's too selfish for that. perhaps he doesn't care about what happens after this. maybe this is some divine act of karma for disturbing the peace in the cemetary, twice now and committing even more vandalism. or perhaps life in general is just not wanting to give him any iota of PEACE. kami isn't sure, nor does he even care.
he gets up to get paper towels. "it doesn't matter anyway," he says, voice lowering back to a monotonous calm. "i'm not letting you go again. whatever shit you stepped in, we're family, and we help each other out, yeah?"
❝ green tea suits me just fine. ❞ he isn't especially picky as long as the drink in question is BITTER ENOUGH for his liking. ( coffee. tea. it hardly matters; he simply defaults to the latter out of habit. ) the hacker wastes no time snatching up the offered mug and filling it with steaming water from the kettle. he doesn't speak as he works — pretending to be too preoccupied with his drink. really, kaminari has every right to verbally eviscerate him after the stunt that he pulled. to throw him out. to cut him from his life like a surgeon meticulously extracting a tumor. initial bump in the road notwithstanding... all things considered, his cousin seems to be taking this surprisingly well. glad that he's here, he even says. ren just barely manages to keep from splashing himself with hot water when he hears that.
he tosses the bags of tea into his cup and knows he can stall no longer. he wants to remain standing — if only because sitting down at the table makes him feel a bit like an animal willingly CORNERING himself. even so, even despite every instinct he has telling him not to, the hacker still forces himself to take a seat. to speak like this implies a particular sense of EQUALITY — and he owes kaminari that much, at least. ❝ i know you didn't do anything stupid. ❞ ren gazes down at his drink, absentmindedly tugging on the strings to stir it. ❝ do you really believe i wasn't keeping an eye on you that entire time? ❞ such an admittance may sound downright unsettling coming from anyone else. it still feels a bit sickening to fashion himself a guardian angel of sorts — but that is the closest COMPARISON ren can possibly think of. he keeps tabs on everyone he has a modicum of care about. which is to say, he keeps tabs on kaminari — and occasionally his mother, when he feels like TORTURING himself.
a soft sigh. fingers curl around the mug; he doesn't drink yet, merely soaking in the warmth as it bleeds through his skin. ❝ in any case ... you were right about the fatui. a little too right. ❞ the hacker hopes his cousin enjoys THAT scrap of vindication while it lasts. ❝ i don't see much of a point in trying to justify what's already been done. i knew they were bad news ... i just didn't care. ❞ and maybe that means he deserves the mess that he's gone and gotten himself into. he certainly deserves the chipped headstone. ❝ have you ever considered what you would sacrifice to feel like your life has a PURPOSE? to cling to the delusion your birth had actual merit ... and that you were more than just the culmination of someone else's regrets? ❞
well. he already said he wasn't interested in JUSTIFYING himself. either kaminari understands or he doesn't — and considering their family history, he has a feeling he knows precisely where he's coming from.
grip then tightens harshly on his cup; the hackers knuckles go pale and bloodless from the force. ❝ the fatui were worse than either of us ever imagined. ❞ ren mutters, his voice dipping close to a growl. ❝ much worse. for the longest time, i was willing to be an accomplice to their atrocities for the sake of my own personal benefit. but they ... did something even i would consider absolutely unforgivable. ❞ he pauses, as if mulling over his next words very carefully. then, ❝ ... the less you know about the DETAILS, the safer you'll be. this is the kind of information that makes people who know it disappear — and they don't come back. ❞
ren's accusatory tone brings about a fresh wave of white hot anger, settling in the back of kaminari's mind. he FEELS hot, like he'd stuck his entire head into a bucket of burning coals. as much as kami wants to turn and snap back at ren, there's really, HONESTLY, no point in continuing the argument.
kami is TIRED. just as quickly as the anger came, it's dowsed, leaving him feeling exhausted. there have been too many emotions going through his mind since ren first arrived on his doorstep, alive, and kami isn't sure he can take much more of a heated argument on top of it. it almost seems like ren feels the same way ― or SIMILARLY, because as soon as he'd finished yelling, his own voice is lowering. kami wonders if they'd both benefit from a nap right now. or at least, more than a half hour for them to actually process their emotions.
there's that stray thought that if he disappears into his room, he'll come out later to find ren completely missing once more. so, right. kami is just going to crash on the couch for the day. not that he doesn't trust his cousin, but... kami doesn't trust his cousin right now.
"makoto isn't my fault," is all kami offers. tiredly. "i didn't know how bad it was over there. makoto never really sat me down to tell me what her sister was doing with you. and if she knew, she probably didn't give a rat's ass."
he comes back with the paper towels and starts mopping up the mess. "i'm sorry, though." kami lets out a sigh, watching as the paper towels send even more tea spilling over the edge of the table and onto the floor. drip, drip, drip, just like all his energy (he'd like to lay on the floor now too). "for yelling, for my mother, i dunno. i'm tired, though."
a wad of soaked paper towels is carelessly tossed over to the trash bin. it doesn't quite make it inside, instead landing just next to the bin. kami ignores it as he rips off another few pieces and continues to try and mop up the mess.
"and for those dirtbags..." kami doesn't really have any response to that. he's lived his own life as a criminal, kami knows what kind of trouble it can lead to. maybe not to ren's extent ― kami had never considered faking his own death before. this entire ordeal is terrifying though. it scares kami in ways he can't even BEGIN to fathom yet. at the end of the day, kami is just an idiot trying to keep his head above water.
"i'd say i know people who can help, but the truth is, i don't. i don't really have any ideas on how to help either. the most i can offer is my spare room and a prayer you don't up and disappear on me again. i don't think i can take another loss." it's such a shitty attempt at a joke. kami doesn't even smile when saying it. it probably even isn't a joke to begin with.
"maybe we can get you an official name change. unless you did that already. but like, kuni is dead, no one would second guess ren, unless they were really paying attention to our looks."
that's it, kami's out of ideas. and with those words, he thunks his head against the table with a groan.
he doesn't speak — not when the tea spills, not when kaminari comes dangerously close to getting up in his face. ren tries to remind himself to BREATHE. to weather this storm, because the anger is what he deserves — because the anger is what his cousin NEEDS, like draining venom from a wound. ( it seems only fitting to compare his presence to something poisonous. ) yet there is an emotion building within the confines of his chest he can't ignore. rage, indignation, the ache of old wounds never allowed to CLOSE. kaminari knows what the hacker has experienced perhaps better than any other soul — after all, they are both victims of their family's mistakes. but he doesn't know everything. he can't, and the fact that he has the nerve to scold him like he thinks he does is enough to snap ren's already frayed patience.
❝ no, you DON'T get it. ❞ the sound of his own voice startles him. suddenly hands slam against the table — careful to avoid the spilled tea whilst his own drink shudders dangerously from the blow. there's a harsh SCREECH as he pushes away his chair, nearly topping it over in the process. ❝ years of chasing impossible standards. years of living as someone i wasn't. years of performing day after day after day, trying to reforge myself into a SHALLOW IMITATION of her favorite person in the hopes that my own parent might find a reason to LOVE ME! ❞ distantly, ren realizes that he's screaming. the ache in his chest is swiftly growing unbearable, as if spurred on by his theatrics. fingers curl harshly into the fabric of his shirt; it does little to soothe the pain. ❝ and what did those years of trying earn me in the end, kaminari? ei still didn't care enough to handle my own fucking FUNERAL. the only one that actually matters to her is STILL MAKOTO — i was never anything more than a failed replacement for YOUR MOTHER! ❞ he doesn't mean it to sound so accusatory, but he's lost all control. the hacker thinks he'll probably come to regret this later, but in the moment, he's discarded all illusions of common sense.
this entire conversation is a disaster. ( as predicted. )
❝ so yes ... i did join the fatui. ❞ the chair squeaks again as ren sinks back into it. he suddenly feels burnt out, as if that little display took every scrap of fight he had in him. ❝ i didn't want sympathy from another of this family's victims. you were already dealing with ... enough. ❞ a dead parent. funeral arrangements. a media nightmare. ❝ i wanted to be useful by my own merit. i wanted to be more than just my mother's FAILURE. you don't have to understand; i'm only telling you how i felt ... and i've regretted my decision every single day. ❞
but kami is right; it doesn't matter anymore. ren still covers his face with a hand, trying to focus on recalling how to breathe. inhale, exhale. again, again, again until he can finally think over the blood ROARING in his ears. ❝ family ... right. ❞ he wants to ask why his cousin is so willing to stick his neck out for his sake after everything he's done, yet the hacker understands his reasoning entirely. ( isn't he the same? ) ❝ well, i'm not interested in picking a fight with my former employers ... not if i can help it, at least. ❞ he drags his hand down his face slowly. ❝ that would defeat the purpose of playing dead. to be perfectly honest ... showing up on your doorstep was the full extent of my planning. ❞ genius, he knows.
"one." kami holds up his index finger, too tired now to even GLARE at ren. the most he can manage is a blank stare. "i don't give a shit if you know them well enough. i don't want you handling the fatui on your own. i'm not about to let you throw yourself to the wolves again, so that's out of the question." he pauses to slap a few paper towels down on the ground. they come to rest by his feet, and kami doesn't even bother wiping up most of the spillage. a sticky floor is nothing new to kami, it's a mess for future kami to clean up.
"two." a second finger is thrown up. leaning forward to rest his elbows on the table, kami can only IMAGINE what he looks like now. definitely not worth looking into a mirror at this point. "i probably shouldn't be asking this in the first place, i'm safer not knowing, blah blah blah. but HOW are you getting your income?"
not... well... he isn't expecting ren to pay rent right away. maybe give his cousin a month to just relax. it's not like kami is short on funds. the whole reason he'd gotten a two bedroom apartment in the first place is because of the extra room it had offered. he would have gone with a bigger apartment even, but that had almost felt like too much for just him. the inheritence money is still in his savings, and the money from his job is enough to keep him living comfortably. the spare room is ren's now, for free if he wanted to.
kami isn't even sure he wants to pay for his living situation with something ill gotten; that wouldn't sit right with him. that's not exactly a converstaion kami really wants to have right now either. just asking about the money feels like plenty for now, they can continue other serious conversations later.
"and three." kami waves three fingers obnoxiously in ren's face. let him stew on point number two for a bit, kami isn't in any hurry to get through any of this. in fact, he's almost tempted to call off this entire conversation so they can both go wind down for awhile. maybe kami will throw his switch at ren to keep him occupied for a few hours so kami can take his long needed nap.
"if you go off and fucking die again, i'm purposely managing your funeral, and i will make sure EVERYTHING about it is the exact opposite of what you like. i swear on my fucking books that i will make sure candy platters are given to every attendant. you stay alive, and you stay with me."
he huffs, but pulls back, slumping in his seat. arms dangle at his sides as he rolls his head back to stare at the ceiling.
"and four, please go take a nap. i think we both need to cool off and relax or something. unless you'd rather play games. my switch is somewhere in your room; if you find it, go wild."
❝ it's ... ❞ well, he can't exactly say it's OKAY — because that little outburst proved it most certainly isn't. still, ❝ it's not your fault. ❞ it isn't. ❝ you aren't the one who should be apologizing. ❞ and he does genuinely regret lashing out at kami as though he were the one RESPONSIBLE. it's his mother's fault — and makoto's, depending on to what degree she was actually aware of ei's failings as a mother. ren never exactly saw his aunt as a person; she was more like an impossible ideal he strove to emulate — and later, a figure immortalized much like the medley of names every child was forced to memorize in their history books. ( even now, she still occupies that role in his mind, though for slightly different reasons. ) the hacker has always taken care to keep that particular opinion to himself, however; he doubts it would go over well with those more personally shaken by her untimely passing. he only had to deal with the ripples — a vessel nudged by the waves of some distant storm.
dragging his hand down his face, ren watches his cousin clean up the spilled tea. he feels NUMB, though whether from fatigue or burning through his emotions like a candle wick is impossible to tell. he reaches for his own cup and finally takes a shallow sip, barely tasting the bitter liquid on his tongue. ❝ i can handle the fatui. ❞ he says — hoping that the claim is CONVINCING enough to put kaminari's mind at ease. in truth, if ren thought he was capable of taking out that group, there would have been no reason to fake his own death in the first place. even now, he knows he has enough blackmail material stashed away to wage a VICIOUS war against them — though there's no telling whether he would actually be able to win... and even if he did, it would still come at the cost of compromising his security.
... more importantly, he could kiss any illusions of keeping his family safe GOODBYE. it just isn't worth it. not now — not while they think kunikuzushi is little more than a fading memory. ❝ i'm not going to disappear this time. ❞ he knows it's a joke, but he feels the need to reassure him nonetheless. the hacker can't; the same trick won't work TWICE. and his very presence here has, in some deeply selfish way, dragged kaminari into this mess — even if only as some unwitting accomplice. it doesn't matter; the fatui would surely ruin them both indiscriminately.
what a disaster. he glares into his tea, meeting the accusatory eyes of his reflection. his stomach twists with revulsion at the sight.
❝ i already took the liberty of changing my name. ❞ ren continues aloud. the fatigue renders his voice toneless. ❝ birth certificate, driver's license ... i fabricated them all. it shouldn't be a problem. ❞ he's already broken the law at the fatui's behest countless times; adding one more CHARGE to his hypothetical sentence hardly matters. ❝ and i have my own methods of securing income. untraceable. ❞
nails tap-tap against the mug. ❝ ... so i guess i'll just hide in your guest room until i die. for real, next time. ❞ his own terrible attempt at a joke, though it falls equally flat as kaminari's feeble effort. perhaps such a terrible sense of humor is a family trait.
