It's Always A Steve Or A Stede Or Some Motherfucker Like That. - Tumblr Posts
❝ COMPLICATED, ❞ izzy scoffs under his breath. it's not nearly a big enough word to fill three years of silence, & he shakes his head at the sheer inadequacy of the explanation. it's hard to believe that billy actually thought he wouldn't still be here, especially considering that it wasn’t izzy who had left in the first place. but there's something earnest & achey in his tone, voice stretched tight. & izzy has to remind himself that whatever really happened, he can be pretty certain that billy didn't want to go — he never would left his ocean willingly.
still, izzy can’t bring himself to look billy in the eyes, his gaze pushed off-center instinctually like when he’s been looking into the sun too long. & instead, he finds himself glaring at the boy behind them, now turned to face away as if he can tell that he's being stared down. he’s tall, good-looking, exactly billy's type, & far too pale to be a california native. ❝ steve, ❞ he repeats, the name leaving a bitter taste in his mouth. ❝ right. ❞ he doesn't need to hear any more to understand. in those years apart while izzy stayed in the same place, billy had moved on.
izzy has to force himself to meet those blue eyes again, to push through the way they almost singe his skin. ❝ ‘course i'm still fuckin' here, where else am i gonna go ? ❞ but he says it with a soft smile. it's a truce — at least for now — & it dawns on him suddenly that he doesn't even know where billy's been this whole time... or if he will be leaving again, going back to some new home with steve that izzy can't even begin to imagine. ❝ & you ? what are you doing back here, after all this time ? bringing your boyfriend to visit, is it ? ❞
what took you so long? the question lingers. sits heavy on his chest. because it's a good question, it's an honest question. and it's not like he wanted to take too long. it's moreso that he got his soul stolen from him. he got beaten and buried on the ground. he died and had to rebuild himself from the ground up. everything was against billy making it back to the sand. and if he was on his own, he. he wouldn't have made it. he knows this. he had given up on himself month number two out of cali. and he doesn't know if he can admit that to izzy. he can be honest.
"thought there wouldn't be anything left for me. besides the ocean." the end. that billy would die and he'd be one with the ocean he means but here you are and. how long have you been waiting. and he's being honest. he doesn't know if he likes it. "-i didn't think you would wait. things got, so so fucking complicated." billy can tell. it's been three years and izzy is here like he's been here for three years, and billy isn't alone. because hawkins was a shit hole but steve. steve wasn't shit, he was a goddamn lifeline and it would take forever to begin to explain how billy would be one with the goddamn ocean if steve had given up on him. but billy, billy can tell by the way izzy asks.
"-i'm telling you. things got complicated." feels his tongue heavy. like he won't be able to fucking explain and maybe he won't. he looks over his shoulder before looking at izzy. not apologetic. not sorry. because. there's nothing to be sorry about. things are never easy for billy and he doesn't know how to explain. "that's steve." and he tries to say it in a normal way. he knows it won't sound that way. "-honest to god izzy, i didn't think you would be here. i didn't think you'd want to see me again." like what happened was billy's fault. it feels like it is. and there's this fear that somehow this will crumble before billy can even think about it again.
