It's Crazy How My Perspective Has Changed. I Stopped Caring What My Body Looks Like.

It's crazy how my perspective has changed. I stopped caring what my body looks like.

I'm elated that I can benchpress 4 kg when 6 months ago I couldn't lift the bar.

I'm amazed I can squat 10 kg because 9 months ago I could barely stand.

I can watch myself in the glass door and critique my form instead of my rolls.

I don't even flinch to add more to a meal.

I don't give a singular fuck what my body looks like. I want strength. I want power. I want the shaking on the last rep. I want the pain of pushing my body. I want to see what my body can do.

A skill you will need in recovery. You need to learn to sit with the anxiety. Not tracking is going to cause you anxiety. So will not weighing in and eating foods you "shouldn't". It's hard, but you won't get anywhere if you let the urges get the better of you every time.

I'm struggling with it right now. I'm nearly a year in and I want to track like fuck, but it will only hurt me in the long run. I need to wait until the urge passes.

My patron goddess tbh

Cabin 2 mood board

Hera, goddess of women, marriage and childbirth

:)

I fucked up my elbow, so I can't do like half my exercises and I want to put my head through a wall.

Tumblr was a source of fuel for my anorexia. It's easy to compare and put myself down. Coming back now that I feel more firm in my recovery, well I think it might have been a mistake.

I want to go back to the tags that hurt me back when I suffered. I want to go and see the spo that lies there. I want to get triggered again. And I am. I've been going to these tags and I can feel the rock solid control I had start to slip.

The worst part is that I know those people don't mean any harm. I was there. I only wanted to find a home in a world that denied me one.

I'm back now and I refuse to go back to those tags. I want to help people now, not harm them.

I wrote a book!

There is a war that has torn the world in half. The elves against the ogres. The book follows a teenaged elf and a toddler ogre as they try to find a place to call home. Love and loss and amazing dedication for his age.