Values - Tumblr Posts
Communicating something in an empathetic way is the best act of respect and responsibility that you can show to someone. Otherwise, the best thing is not to do it.
FAST
Use this skill to help maintain your self-respect when communicating with others.
F - Be Fair: Avoid judgments and stick to the facts.
A - Don’t Apologize: Assert yourself and ask for what you want. Don’t apologize for making requests, having opinions or disagreeing.
S - Stick to Your Values: Make sure to confidently stick to your truth.
T - Be Truthful: Don’t exaggerate. Don’t lie or act helpless when you aren’t. Dishonesty over time erodes your self-respect.
*More DBT guides here*
At the rate I’m going I should catch up by the time I’m in my forties
The Truth About Leadership - Part 4
Values Drive Commitment
“Energy is neither good nor evil, it is the intent by which it is used that determines it’s helpful or destructive force”, Dungeon Master, Dungeons and Dragons Cartoon Series. I think Albert Einstein was also quoted saying something similar to this, after his discovery that Matter and Energy can neither be created nor destroyed, they just change forms.
Page 39 lists a series of values: success, wealth, family, freedom, growth, love, power, spirituality, trust, wisdom, health, honesty, and integrity. It also asks, “What do you really care about?” This question and these categories are about where you’re willing to place your energy into. Since thought is energy, in the human context, then intentions is the proper word for our actions, which are the physical manifestations of our thoughts.
This chapter argues the case that expressed values drive commitment. This argument is false since unexpressed values can just as easily drive a person’s commitment, just as easily as can expressed values.
In addition, this argument mixes intent and integrity. Intent as I described above is the energy or thoughts we have about different aspects of the human condition. Integrity is whether or not we maintain the social contract with ourselves and others. Or to put it in a context that is closer to what this chapter is discussing, what if everyone had an unwritten, mainly spoken, contract with each other. What would that contract be about? And why would you choose to honor that contract? Now, what if the spoken contract were not the contract you are choosing to follow, but instead have a hidden agenda. Now the difference between intent and integrity becomes clear.
Commitment occurs when two or more parties agree on a verbal social contract. I will commit to working, playing, spending time, and/or being with you, if your intentions at the time are the same as mine. For example, let’s go biking. This is simple enough, until the leader finds that after 6 degrees of separation, their ex-love happens to be a member of the biking group consisting of 200 people. And for the next 5 hours they are going to be touring through some very lovely terrain. Now this is a quandary for the leader of the biking group. Should he lead the group, or leave because someone’s values he can no longer agree with is a member of the group? (Grist for the Mill, or Sauce for the Goose?)
The social contract that the bike leader agreed to was, “To lead the biking group on a tour.” However, if his intentions or positions on his judgments towards his ex-love are made known this may end the biking tour for that day. However, if he withholds these judgments, the biking tour may go forward, everyone may have a great time, and as long as there is physical distance between the two, they may both separately enjoy the tour.
In this case, it is not expressed value that is driving the decision, but unexpressed values, which allows the bike tour guide to remain in integrity to his contractual obligations. Others may be aware of his dis-ease, and feel that he is upholding a great sense of integrity as he leads the tour, all the while knowing the personal emotional strain he is under.
The case that is used here is around an employment opportunity. As “The New Leader’s 100 Day Action Plan” (2009) by George B. Bradt, et. al., ISBN 978-0-470-43984-5, location 533 states, “There are only 3 fundamental questions asked during an interview: 1) Can you do the job? 2) Will you love the job? 3) Can I tolerate working with you?” Or put in other words: Skills, Enthusiasm, and Culture, or Strengths, Motivations, and Fit. Enthusiasm and motivations are forms of intent. Why do you want to be a leader? What motivated you to become a leader? Why did this particular issue cause you to become more engaged and enthusiastic than other people?
If I were to answer my own question, “Why is it important for me to write book reviews on leadership?” I think the answer would be, “Because I found the definition of leadership. I want to share it with people. I want to help foster others who are using the correct techniques to grow and empower positive leaders. I want to help the general public recognize people who are bad, negative, and dark leaders.” This answer demonstrates the three key points George made earlier: skill, motivation and culture.
The Truth About Leadership - Part 5
Focusing on the Future sets Leaders apart
This chapter argues that leaders are set apart from ordinary average everyday people because they have a vision about the future and act on it. This point is true; it does set different types of leaders apart. There are those that dream about a better future, but don’t act on it. There are those that haven’t even thought about a better future, but are just responding to needs of others. And then there are others that do what is suggested by the title of this chapter, “Leaders look long term”.
However, just because you’re not looking 500 years into the future doesn’t mean that you’re not a leader. The definition of Leadership simply states, “Guiding Intent with Integrity”. If there is a goal someone needs to achieve, and you have a way to achieve it, you are their leader. It doesn’t matter if it’s about going out dancing Saturday night, teaching a class room full of students how to speak English, or leading a nation through an economic crisis manufactured by the banks. As long as you are guiding your own intentions and those of our followers, and they feel you are in integrity, you are their leader.
Coincidentally, on page 47, it is stated, “we found not surprisingly, that the importance of being forward looking increased with age, work experience and level in organizational hierarchy” Leadership is about guiding people to their goals, so as people gain more experience about understanding goals, obtaining goals, and helping people achieve them, as well as motivating people to achieve them, yes, it stands to reason, just like children learning to walk, we will strive to use techniques that make it easier to achieve our goals and rely less on others.
Have you ever wondered why children learn to walk? Maybe it’s because they get tired of waiting on others to help them do things. Have you ever wondered why seniors refuse to stop driving? It’s reported that seniors don’t want to give up their independence. Interesting correlation, wouldn’t you agree? Therefore, if follows that if I can achieve a goal more easily by leading a group of people to help me achieve it, wouldn’t I prefer to do that, instead of doing it all on my own? We as a general rule learn how to do things more easily, and will leave older habits behind that took more time, and energy.
How many people do you know that still use type writers? Now, why have so many people switched from type writers to using word processors?
The problem isn’t that other leaders are not thinking about the future. It is that they are here in the present, dealing with present problems, and haven’t learned how to utilize the tools of leadership effectively to motivate others around them to help them solve a common problem around the human condition. As was illustrated in the first chapter, “You Make a Difference”.
Aaron Bushnell's final social media post before his self-immolation.
What are core values, and how do you pick them for your characters? (Part I of Core Values)
A core value is a fundamental belief your character holds, one that is so obvious to them that they cannot explain it. A character's decisions will always be guided by their core values. Some examples:
Integrity means a character will stick to their moral code; often links to the core values of Honesty, Trustworthiness, and Loyalty.
Justice means a character will seek to right wrongs, whether caused by someone else or themselves.
Autonomy means a character needs to guide their own path and not be told what to do by others.
Loyalty means a character will act in a way that will benefit those to whom they are loyal, whether that's a family member, friend, or another individual (or organization) that has earned their loyalty.
Survival means a character will do whatever it takes to keep themselves alive.
Family means a character puts family above all else; strongly linked to Loyalty.
Personal gain means a character will do anything for wealth or other commodities.
Reputation means a character is concerned about how they appear to others and will do anything to make sure others see them as they wish to be seen.
How do you pick core values for your characters?
Core values are the root of all motivation, but there are a lot of ways to figure out what they are. The answer to the titular question depends on how you like to create your characters.
Some writers start with a basic character 'picture,' like "strong-willed airship pilot on an adventure for lost treasure". Other writers start with a character-story hybrid, such as "grumpy, asocial wasteland survivalist who discovers what it means to be part of a found family."
Still others might have an entirely different approach, but these are the two I'll focus on today.
Building your character "values-first"
You may wish to decide your character's core values first to figure out what situations to put them in. Choose 2 or 3 to start. The "grumpy, asocial wasteland survivalist" character has values already baked into the concept. They value their Privacy/Autonomy and will prioritize Survival, but eventually, their Loyalty will prove more important. Try this: Write a blurb for each value you've picked that explains how this value affects their life.
Discovering your character's values as you write
On the other hand, you could start writing first and let the character tell you what they value based on their actions. For instance, let's say your strong-willed airship pilot just turned down a lucrative job because they want to be a trailblazer, not a follower. You didn't know they were going to do that! Here, your character has just demonstrated that they value Autonomy above Personal gain. Try this: Like in the above example, figure out why your character took a specific action, then translate that into a core value.
Add your answers for both exercises to your character bible for later reference.
How do you figure out your characters' motivations? Tell me!
I welcome additions to this post! If you have another method for figuring out what motivates your characters, I'd love to hear about it.
I'm going to make a few more posts about core values, including "how to keep your characters 'in-character'" and how to create conflict based on core values. They'll all be in the core values tag on my blog once they're up, and I'll edit this post with links as well.
Core Values Series
Part I: What are core values, and how do you pick them for your characters? (you are here) Part II: How can you make sure your characters stay "in character?" Part III: How to create conflict based on your characters' core values
"'Why did you do all this for me?' Wilbur asked. 'I don't deserve it. I've never done anything for you.' "You have been my friend, replied Charlotte. 'That in itself is a tremendous thing. I wove my webs for you because I liked you. After all, what's a life, anyway? We're born, we live a little while, we die... By helping you, perhaps I was trying to lift up my life a trifle.
Heaven knows anyone's life can stand a little of that.'"
~From Charlotte's Web by Elwyn Brooks, "E.B." White
More Huevember!!
Extras Below!:
i'm sharting, the improvement i'm making in a single study 😭😭😭 why did i never think to do this before
Apologies for the ugly watermarks this is only flats so easier to y’know draw over small ones. I’m working on more paleo art and fan art but am currently a busy bee 🐝