Bpd Feels - Tumblr Posts

I feel so out of place

and I don’t really know who I am

and half the time I don’t know how I feel until I feel like I might burst because of what I’m feeling

and I’m so tired

and I wish I never existed

and I wish I could start my life all over again

and I I wish I could do everything I want to in this lifetime

and I wish I knew what I want for my future

but I also kinda wish I never existed to begin with.

It’s not fair.

It’s not fair that I have to listen and care about other peoples feelings but they don’t listen or care about mine.

They can just ignore and downplay mine. It’s not fucking fair.

This but instead of Ozempic I got mood stabilizers lmao

It never stops I am a black hole, nothing's ever good enough and I can't be happy with less, because everyone else is someone's favorite, everyone else can be someone's number one, why don't I get that, why not me

I need a big red circle and arrow around me that says “sensitive. will cry” like some sort of shitty clickbait YouTube video

You see, if everyone around you tells you you're the problem. You eventually internalize it. I wish I never existed, maybe then people around me wouldn't be so miserable. They'd be happy. And that's all I want.

this but instead I'm watching some of Tony Crynight's older videos

BPD is having a complete breakdown, finally hitting the breaking point from a depressive episode and spiraling, and then three hours later eating a slice of cake while listening to Sonic theme songs, completely unbothered. 😎

i'm nothing if not an attention seeking bitch

"Luca, your behavior is concerning, you need to delete your vent account!!!! "

Yap Yap Yap, you're acting as if I'm even REPARABLE at this point.

I'm working with a therapist, YandereDev has already addressed the allegations against him (AND IS GETTING HELP FOR IT), and just because I identify as an incel/femcel doesn't mean I'm gonna suddenly become this misogynistic pedo who has the most fucked up views about women you had ever seen in your life.

Let me educate you on something:

Incel literally just means "involuntary celebate", which basically means you are not able to engage in sexual activity due to ostracization and shunning (which is my case due to me being borderline and autistic and having to face the stigma surrounding my disabilities), and Femcel is the female/feminine counterpart.

it was a movement back in the 1990's - early 2000's as a way of uplifting those who became incels due to them being in a minority group, but sadly the original movement was abandoned due to how commonly associated it was with genuinely bad people.

Today, most of the self-identified incels/femcels are teenagers with ongoing mental health struggles who believe this label fits their experiences. These people (including myself) do NOT associate with anyone with intentions of doing harm to others.

As for the intrusive thoughts about killing my teacher: that was the result of constant dismissal and invalidation of my mental health struggles and due to the ongoing stress that has caused me. (I should mention that in therapy, I discovered that one of my biggest triggers is invalidation, and when I get triggered, I REALLY get triggered.), but I already did a threat assessment and I am speaking with my therapist as needed.

Also should mention: I have spoken with yandereDev directly a couple times (mainly to ask him questions), and out of all the times we spoke, he has not ONCE shown any interest or desire to be in a romantic/sexual relationship with me, in fact he's actually been keeping his distance (as a content creator should with their fans), so don't say he's trying to "gRoOm" me.

And do you REALLY think I'm gonna ask him out now??? At 17 years old????? FUCK NO, that's gonna hurt both me and yandereDev.

I'm waiting until I am 18 years old to attempt to be in a relationship with him, and by then I will the age of consent, therefore I would be able to consent to a relationship with him.

And as a final note: the people engaging with my content are not doing it to "enable" any genuinely bad behavior, I have stated myself that people can reblog my posts if they find it relatable. And people are engaging with my content because, well, they find it relatable. They share similar experiences as I do. Are those people in the wrong now because they had experiences in their lives and saw my posts and understand how I feel?

Honestly, idc if you're "concerned" or not, but you can't force me to delete my vent blog because you're upset that I happen to have a space where I am comfortable with talking about my mental health struggles. Why are you even looking at it anyway if you're THAT concerned about my posts? It feels a lot like you're just scrolling through my blog and cherry picking the posts that "concern" you.

Fucking weirdo....

If you're that bothered, just block it. I can assure you that I am okay and will get help if needed.

Don't like? Don't interact.

Thank you.

This but I'm not "sensitive" (I think), and most of the songs I relate to are because of my experiences with BPD lol

i’m ready to kill myself i was kinda just hoping i could maybe have sex before i die tho

"just learn to tolerate things" if i hear that shit come out of your mouth one more time I am going to hit you with a brick, fuck you.

I hate whenever people tell me that I "struggle with tolerating things" or how I "get triggered whenever someone has an opinion that's not 100% like yours", because while it is objectively true, people forget that i canNOT control this shit.

I stopped tolerating shit because i had people constantly manipulate and exploit me to the point it basically killed my wellbeing, it's LITERALLY a trauma response.

And the black-and-white thinking is because, get this: IT'S A PART OF MY FUCKING DISORDER, ONE OF THE MAIN CRITERIA ACTUALLY.

Also, saying that I get all pissy at someone not 100% agreeing with an opinion i have is a bit of a stretch. I can tolerate someone not 100% agreeing with me, I'm not that close-minded, however, what i DON'T tolerate is someone being a genuine asshole about their opinion and/or actively attempting to trigger me on purpose. (*COUGH COUGH* The Tony Crynight sever Incident)

Seriously, people act like I don't constantly argue with people online..

Anyway, probably gonna show this blog to my therapist (because at least SHE knows how I fell and at least I can actually trust her..)

Hallo :D

attention seekers u are safe here with me. if u want attention from me all you gotta do is reach out in literally any minor capacity and I will turn my attention fully to u with the force of a proton beam. I am just bad at reaching out and am usually wallowing in some kind of misery. but I love u.

your tone changed your tone changed your tone changed just say you hate me

i don't know what I want to do with my life. I'm scared, I don't want to do anything. I don't have a strong passion. Maybe I'm not even a real person.

Just let me curl up in a bed and sleep for an eternity...

Hell

learned that lesson the hard way.

just a reminder that it is not normal to think of ways to kys whenever an inconvenience occurs