Red Flag - Tumblr Posts

3 months ago

He may be a red flag, but I'm a bull.

He May Be A Red Flag, But I'm A Bull.

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6 years ago

WOW

This red flag just smacked me in the face.

The reason I moved in with him in the first place was because his mother had kicked him out of his house. He had been attempting to help his sister, who was visibly frustrated, with something on her new laptop.  She got a bit snippy with him and he lost his temper.  He punched a chair which hit the wall and left a hole.

I was present for this event.  I saw it unfold.  I watched him punch something because his sister said “I knoowwww!” 

A running theme was that he didn’t like when people were “ungrateful” or didn’t acknowledge him when he was trying to help them.

Funny parallel:  I moved out with him so we could combine our measly incomes at the time and prevent him from having to live in utter squalor.  I was not ready to move out; I was still trying to finish my degree and school full time.  I had to pick up more shifts at my retail job and worked nearly full time.  My grades suffered as I was now a full time student, employee and abuse victim.

I sacrificed a lot for him to have a better life but that’s never a story that got told. Or a thank you I received.


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6 years ago

Gaslighting - one from the vault - edited

I told him waaaaay back in our early days that I was attracted to women.  

This was when we were teenagers and he managed to hang on to a group of friends - I suspect the copious amount of alcohol consumed among other mood enhancing essentials tended to keep things light and fun.

Within this group of friends were two women in a relationship together. Some time after I had told him about my attraction he pulled me aside.

He told me that he had overheard these two women talking and they thought I was good-looking.  This didn’t really generate a reaction from me; they were in a relationship, I was in a separate relationship, and there wasn’t history, mutual attraction or chemistry.  As far as I was concerned they were commenting on the drapes.

He rolled his eyes and spelled it out for me, because clearly I was too stupid to figure it out. He told me that they would probably proposition me and if I said no that they would attack me.  Possibly even rape me.

I was shocked.  And frightened.   He told me most of the lesbians he knew were aggressive like this.  He said that if they even suspected I was anything but straight, they’d never stop bothering me.

He knew these people better than I did, and as a teenager emerging from Catholic school I was not acquainted with many out lesbians to base my experience on. Plus he was my boyfriend, and was always looking out for my best interests.  What reason did I have not to believe him? 

Fourteen years later, I can tell you that this story is total bullshit.  I doubt he even overhead them commenting on me.  

They never ever gave me even an inkling that their interests were anything other than platonic, and we all spent a significant amount of time together.  Furthermore I have heard nothing from any other source about them being aggressive, predatory, or violent.

And yet I was always on guard when they were around (which was frequently) because of what he’d told me.

WHY WOULD HE CONTINUE TO BRING ME TO THESE GATHERINGS IN THE FIRST PLACE IF HE THOUGHT THERE WAS A RISK THAT I MAY BE ASSAULTED?!

This event, ridiculous as it may sound, was a major player in the prolonged repression of my sexuality. And an excellent way to keep me off balance and uncomfortable in public, while simultaneously ruling out those he saw as his competition.

Three birds, one stone.


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6 years ago

Jesus has a place for me, a life of sin and infamy

When I met him, I was certain I had found my soulmate.

I was a miserable teenager; I was always unhappy and never understood why.  I think I understand better now, but that’s a post for another day or blog.

He presented himself as exactly what I needed. He had a shaved head, with piercings all over his face, a leather motorcycle jacket and chain on his wallet. When he found me I was in ripped fishnets and my catholic school skirt at a bar underage.  We were wasted, and convinced it was fate.

He introduced me to ‘real’ punk: Dead Kennedy’s, Choking Victim/Leftover Crack, F-Minus, Pistolgrip, etc.  He told me he found solace in punk when his home life turned sour in his early teens. This music aligned with everything I was feeling (angst, restlessness, anger) and hated everything I hated: in short, boo discrimination and establishment, yay liberty from the reign of old white men. 

I felt I had hit the jackpot.  I had met a handsome bad boy who was just my type at the time.  He was a rebel who’s views mirrored mine (so I thought), who stood for something.  And he was absolutely mad about me. He spent his last $10 on me. He would send me songs that he knew would tug at my heart  - “Who wouldn’t be the one you love” from the Pumpkins - and draw us bubble baths.  He scraped together what little money he had and bought me a ring - the one I just recently took off - and told me that one day he’d marry me. He wanted us to live for one another.  He called me his saving grace, “the one”, his beauty, his reason. 

I remember distinctly thinking that I would take a bullet for him.  I was inconsolably in love.

The first incident occurred within the first two months of us being together officially.  However, I chalked it up to a stressful home life, and with the stuff above, found it easy to ignore him screaming at me.

He was testing my boundaries.

Little by little it all ebbed away. All of it.  The kindness, the rebellious spirit, the spontaneity, the love, even the values I thought he and I shared.  

This all seems… so long ago, but I put on a song today that I haven’t heard in years.  It took me back.  Back to when I didn’t see him as a monster.


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6 years ago

I can't tell if my survivorness has made me over vigilant or if there actually a red flag. A woman on my facebook was tagged by her SO.

What do you see?

I Can't Tell If My Survivorness Has Made Me Over Vigilant Or If There Actually A Red Flag. A Woman On

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1 year ago

Is someone who overpacks a red or green flag? Cause on one hand they're taking up extra space, but on the other hand it shows that they're always prepared and think ahead, but then again they may be an over thinker too...

Comment your thoughts, this interests me.


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One thing I’ve learned is that if someone ever uses the phrase “happy go lucky”

RUN

They’re always toxic. There are other signs obviously, but not a single person I’ve heard say that were actually chill


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7 months ago

my type:🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩


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2 years ago

My family’s toxic trait is telling me taquitos don’t exist for literally 18 years.


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6 months ago

their first question being "is he/everyone okay?"😔😔😔


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3 years ago

My ex best friend literally thought it was “cute” that her boyfriend got jealous when she talked to her guy friends, and when she first told me that, I immediately told her that was a red flag. Well guess why they broke up? Because of his jealousy. And then they decided to get back together three days later even though he was moving away in a month and they wouldn’t be trying long distance. Her whole identity and self-confidence hinged on that relationship and I honestly found it all so pathetic.

This is why I don’t trust straight relationships.


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