Painful - Tumblr Posts
I'm going to miss missing you
Some would say it was time wasted
But I think it was just more time of you
I've been to heaven
I wish I could tell you
It was real
My close ones always tell me
" You're going to make it"
I always reply
" I believe you"
At which point do your loved ones become inseparable from you?
I've had these limbs my whole life, yet I'd trade a limb for any of them
Picture pains
Moments frozen in time
When you were mine
Maybe this is fate
To be reminded, my smile is fake
There's no escape
My friends watch me wither away
Always reaching, begging me to stay
Don't try to fix me
I'm too broken
Intimate with insanity
My heart was chosen
There's so much pain
Hiding behind all these frames
There's no more joy
Between the sheets of glass
Wish it could last
I can barely cope
Almost out of hope
These chemicals are leaving my brain
There are so many picture pains
This was one of the last things I've wrote.it turned out to be multiple ideas I wanted to get out.It's been weeks now but the significant result of this was the conversation that sparked with a friend. He asked if I write for enjoyment. The thing is I don't feel happy to write most of the time. But maybe it's about getting rid of sadness to become happy.
My first lover Loneliness
She never spoke but she sounded like the wind blowing through the trees
Or the creak when the bench swings
And she would never leave
As I float here in silence
You see peace but I'm submerged in violence
As my mind will riot
Setting blaze to any hope
Leads me to the rope
My lends to myself Is always bias
And only I hold myself to the highest
Of standards that taunt me
That are daunting
You wish for me to stop
Playing hide and seek with the demons
Can't you see I'm more than enough
To haunt my own dreams
As I carry myself
With out purpose for unknown reasons
As I fade in and out
Only to be captured by the moon beams
You wanted me to vanquish my darkness
Saying I could still be alive
But living with out it could be the hardest
Would enough of me survive
And. .
The only the only thing worse than this
Is the projection of shame from your eyes
Which becomes my reflection
And rejection is black and white
Prisoner
What a lonely way to live a life
And pretend you're alright
Start believing the lie
" I'm fine"
You wanted to be swaddle by the truth but now you're hiding
Trying to find the good but it's albata lining
A self promise to stay hidden
Regret became your prison
Locked shut and the key is forgiveness
Bound to hell
I'll drag these chains
Through heaven's gate
She kissed me farewell
They said fate been decided
I say I decide fate
1/∞
I think it's important to keep trying
If it's not increasing the odds for me
Maybe it's helping another
For life to exist on a floating rock in a vacuum following a ball of gas following a mystery
The dice roll happened more times than mortals can comprehend
1/10
Out of 100 or 1000?
No a billion
A trillion?
1 out of infinity
That's my love for you
Do you know what it's like to mourne for the living? People are still alive yet gone. Away from you.
Puzzle pieces
All this time you've wandered
All the love you let go
Has it once made you whole
Always stuck with two puzzle pieces
The beginning and end
Trying to make the in-between fit
Worlds away
I was never here to stay
And that's okay
Don't ever be afraid
I'll still find you world's away
Quote from Brene Brown about the church.
Why do I write
When the world around me
Weeps at the sound
Of my aching heart
It has been broken
Time after time
Never fully healing
This is my suffering
Despair I choose
Tears welt in eyes
That no longer see
Desperate cries
Echo in hollow rooms
As I break down
Because of you
Again
A. Simone
Feelings??
Tell me
Goddamnit
Get up and answer
These questions
That decided
To lay waste to my mind
Because
My heart got tired
Of speeding up
Slowly racing
Every heart wrenching moment
Wasted
On another person
Who saw me
As nothing more
Than a stepping stone
I tried
For fuck's sake
I gave my all
And for what
What did I get in return
Besides overlapping scars
Broken trust
And my personal favorite
Shattered desire
I was thrown
Into a spiraling landslide
Of overwhelming emotions
All of which
I couldn't understand
I don't want
To love you
Since you clearly
Don't know how
To love
And I'm not
I'm not even mad
I hate it
This forgiveness
Floods from the depths
Of my despair
As if the scars
And confusion
You caused
Never happened
I look up
At my ceiling
As the cars
Rush by
Tires screech
As if they have
Somewhere to be
In the middle of the night
Or maybe
They are running
Like I am
From the truth
And the street lights
Numbingly illuminate
My bedroom
Through cracked blinds
Allowing the muddled hues
To paint my walls
I wanted
To be ok
Claim to be unbothered
As if you
Had no hold on me
All of my confidence
That has been slowly dwindling
Flailing embers
Dancing further
From hell’s flame
Suddenly vanishes
And I hear it
The cries
My damn cries
These choked out sobs
Being muffled
By pillowcases
Soaked in my desperation
For a feeling of acceptance
As my body
Curls into itself
Trying to hide
From the voices
That scream
Inside my own head
Tell me
You
You
You
You didn't mean it right
That everything
We went through
Holds no value
In your heart
And I was never
Even a glimmer overlooked
In your manufactured world
Carefully crafted
To benefit you
And you alone
Please
I don't want
Empty promises
Made
By a broken soul
I don't care
If you don't like
Certain parts of me
And desire change
I will not
Destroy the few pieces
Of my identity
To force myself
Into the mold
Of your lover
When I clearly
Am not the one
When your issues
Become greater than mine
When all you see
Is what I
Can do
For you
Then don't bother me
I'm going to leave
Watch as my back
Fades into the distance
The shackles
You placed around me
Clank against
The floor
I don't have the time
The patience
The heart
To deal with this
I bled myself out
And the hollow feeling
That resides in my chest
As I search
For the steady beat
Of my dismantled heart
Inside its bony cage
A soul
Drowning in blood
Beautiful crimson waves
Choking it out
Darkened by frostbite
Of a frozen world
Each cold shoulder
Feeling as if
A refreshing summer breeze
Is warming me up
Ever so slightly
As I float
In nothingness
My world
Has faded out
Drained of all color
No longer
Am I able
To enjoy the beauty
Of a sunrise
Or dawdle in the peace
Of a sunset
I reach out
Palm facing hell
As fingertips poke
At the heavens
As if trying
To remind myself
That I am still
Among the living
But without love
Not from myself
Not from others
Is this really
What it means
To be alive
Or am I merely existing
Pointlessly exhausting myself
Trying to forge a path
And call it my own
Before I close my eyes
And rest
Never to be bothered
Ever again
A. Simone
Goodbye
I always try my hardest To see you smile That special sunshine smile That only you can do I hold my breath As I go to great lengths For your melodious laughter To fill the room Even if it means Embarrassing myself I would do anything For you I try To be okay Put on My fake face And pretend That my world Isn't crashing down Around me Broken shards Of a discarded heart Embedded in a bitter soul Bleak and hopeless Crimson waves Washing away My sins Crystal tears Making their way Down rosy features As a hollow cry Is never heard By bystanders Unknowingly witnessing The destruction Of the once Radiant child Pure and blissful Beaten down By words Pushed away By loved ones Forgotten completely By friends There is no love Left in the void Caged inside A bony prison Steady beating Pounding skull Wasted space No more A soft smile Graces my features As I close my eyes For the last time K. Sin
Remember
Do you remember that night we spent on the floor, playing Pokémon? We must've kissed for hours, laying on that floor together. Afterward, you rested your head on my lap and stared up at me with your soul-snatching eyes. It was the first time I ever felt safe being so close to someone. Even though we were still basically strangers...you felt like home.
That night. That's when I knew I was yours.
