Demisexuality - Tumblr Posts

Tumblr do better.

So I'm a minor on the asexual spectrum (not entirely sure where on the spectrum but I'm definitely on it). I looked at the asexual tag and saw some p#rnographic stuff accidentally.

There are adults who thought it was a good idea to post p#rnographic videos (using the asexual tag) on tumblr without a warning of any kind.

PLEASE remember that there are KIDS -I repeat KIDS- on tumblr who can easily stumble across this unintentionally.

There are also adults who have TRAUMA related to s#x.

PUT A WARNING before any p#rnographic material.

And to all the minors who see stuff like that:

It is not your fault. You are a victim. Don't blame yourself.

look at those

Demiromantic / Frayromantic version 

l am Demisexual and Demiromantic but l hope it still proves your point :)

I need to prove a point to my mom. Reblog if you can realize you’re asexual/aromantic in your teens.

demisexuality can be so hard to explain because it’s misconstrued as you just wanting to trust the other person before you have sex with them. and I get why the misconception happens. But demisexuality differs in that there isn’t sexual attraction at all before that bond forms.

I think what people have difficulty with is the idea that there are people out there who aren’t experiencing sexual attraction at all until a certain point, if ever, because we’re taught that sex, libido, and sexual attraction are all the same, both in and out of queer spaces.

And when you’re learning about asexuality and demisexuality, you may learn that people have romantic and aesthetic attraction separately from sexual attraction, and that sexual and romantic attraction aren’t necessarily intertwined, and that may challenge your worldview on sex.

But “I trust you enough to have sex with you” isn’t the same as “I’m not sexually attracted to anyone but you, and the reason I’m sexually attracted to you now after we’ve established this close bond is literally because of the bond of trust we’ve been able to form”.

It’s easy to see how those can get conflated. On the surface, if you’re unfamiliar with asexuality, they may sound the same. But it’s important to acknowledge the difference between “no sex until I trust you” and “no sexual attraction unless I trust you and maybe not even then”.

Demisexuality is housed under the asexuality spectrum. It’s part of the gray area between being allosexual and asexual. It’s part of why the definition for asexuality includes “little to no sexual attraction”. It’s a mostly asexual experience with an asterisk.

While being demisexual may have impacts on a persons sexual activity, even demisexuals have a varied relationship to the act of participating in sex. Libido and sexual attraction are not always intertwined either, which can make telling the difference tricky.

I think of sexual attraction as libido that has a compass. Since I rarely ever experience sexual attraction, but do have libido, it’s noticeable for me when that libido actually has a direction to go, rather than being a floating, nebulous, independent thing.

Remember, not everyone is demisexual. There’s a difference between waiting to have sex and not having sexual attraction at all until a certain point. This also inherently ties demisexuality to romantic attraction and relationships, and not all demisexuals are alloromantic.

But if you read what demisexuality is and think “everyone is like that” or “that’s just being a woman”, you either 1) are demisexual 2) don’t understand what it is or 3) both. And it’s okay to not know. Just as long as you’re willing to try to learn.

Someday I'll document in detail how some sexualities and gender identities (especifically agender, asexuality, aromanticity, non-binary, demisexuality and things I'd like to also relate like open relationships and polygamy) are directly related to trauma and how exactly the idea of ​​using a colored flag with a different name to identify how the person identifies instead of recommending treatment is something absurdly toxic and insensitive coming from the LGBT community

I'd include trans here too but honestly I feel it's a deeper and different hole

June 9: Ace Rights Wangxian!

A/N: I've thought about this conversation between them since I finished the novel. While I would broadly classify WWX here as "sex-favorable asexual" and LWJ here as "grey-ace/demisexual (Wei Ying specific)," each person's experience is unique and neither of these are mine. I beg your forgiveness if anything I've had them say rings false. This fic is largely a discussion is about their sex life, but nothing more physical than kissing is shown in this story.

🖤🤍💜

Wei Ying likes everything Lan Wangji does. Lan Wangji knows this to be true, because Wei Ying tells him, in exactly those words, every time Lan Wangji draws his husband close and asks what he would like.

But.

Perhaps there should be no "but"—Wei Ying is vocal, even loud, in his enthusiasm for all the ways Lan Wangji touches him, all the ways he takes him apart and feasts on the sight and sounds and sensation of his body.

But when Lan Wangji asks his fantasies, hoping to fulfill Wei Ying’s desires as fully as Wei Ying has fulfilled his, they are games, stories, often moments from their own past or clichés from romantic tales or erotic literature, and if playacting is the shape of Wei Ying’s desire, then Lan Wangji will do his best, but.

The jingshi glows warm tonight, and the day has been a good one, and when Lan Wangji draws Wei Ying into his lap and asks, "How would you like me tonight?" and Wei Ying replies, as he always does, "I like everything Lan Zhan does," Lan Wangji pauses.

"Wei Ying," he asks, "is there nothing in particular you desire from this husband?"

"Lan Zhan?" Wei Ying is confused. Lan Wangji considers the shape of what he has been wondering and arranges the words.

"You know there are many rules about restraining desire and excessive indulgence in physical pleasure," he begins.

Wei Ying grins. "Ooh, is this a new game? Have we broken rules, Lan Zhan?"

"Hush," Lan Wangji says, softening it with a kiss. "Listen." Wei Ying settles into Lan Wangji's arms, his thoughtful face on.

"In my youth, I did not understand these rules, why the other disciples joked about them. To me, they seemed simple, easily followed.

"Then, Wei Ying."

Wei Ying’s cheeks flush, and Lan Wangji has to restrain himself from taking that beautifully reddened skin between his teeth.

"I felt urges so intense they frightened me, reactions in my body I had no context for." He feels the corner of his mouth twitch. "I thought the problem could be solved if only you would learn to observe the rules."

Wei Ying laughs. "And yet I remain a problem, eh Lan Zhan?" he says, eyes twinkling with mischief.

"Never," Lan Wangji disagrees. "It was only ever that I had not yet learned how to hold wanting you inside my skin."

"Lan Zhan, you can't say things like that," Wei Ying protests. "It makes it sound like you wanted to ravish me all the time."

"I did want to ravish you all the time," Lan Wangji replies easily. "I do still. I'd never felt anything like that before, nor for anyone else, since. When I look at you, when I think about you, sometimes when I'm doing something else entirely, the wanting is there, dozens of different ways I desire to have you. Just now, I wanted to bite your cheek." Wei Ying shudders against him, breathing coming faster as Lan Wangji speaks. "What I wonder," he asks gently, "is whether that is how it feels for you."

Wei Ying's brows draw together. "Lan Zhan, you know I love you. You must know I love what we do together, all the ways you love me."

Lan Wangji kisses the wrinkle away. "I do know. I only ask to see if there is something you want that I haven't offered, or..." this is the delicate part "...or anything you don't don't want that you accept because I want it from you."

"That doesn't make any sense," Wei Ying argues. "Everything I like, I like it because you want it from—oh..."

He pauses, and Lan Wangji can see the ideas rearranging behind his eyes. He is so grateful for the ways Wei Ying understands him, for the second chance he has been able to understand Wei Ying.

"Oh, so... for you, the wanting is separate from the—" he waves his hands, blushing again "—the loving me of it all?"

Lan Wangji tilts his head side to side. "Not separate," he says, "but distinct. Like a hunger that remains, whether a meal is spread out before me or I'm practicing inedia, only for Wei Ying."

"Lan-er-gege!" Wei Ying squeezes him tight and buries his face in Lan Wangji's chest. "The things you say..."

Lan Wangji holds him. Sits with the ever-present simmer under his skin and waits.

"I like that you want me," Wei Ying admits, in his smallest, most honest voice. "I don't know that I feel that hunger the way you describe, but it feels good that I'm what you want, just as I am."

He wipes his face against Lan Wangji's chest, and Lan Wangji's heart clenches at the wetness that clings to his eyelashes when he looks up. "Is that okay?" Wei Ying asks. "I'm sorry if I'm not—"

Lan Wangji cuts him off with a kiss, and Wei Ying melts into it, like always.

"No sorry between us," he insists. "Just as you are, as you said. If you wanted nothing more from me than someone to buy you Emperor's Smile, that is what I would give you, and gladly."

"Well I certainly won't turn that down," Wei Ying chuckles, "but I've grown rather spoiled by the rest of it too. I think we'll keep things as they are, Lan Zhan, everyday and all."

"If it's ever too much, if I'm ever—" he needs Wei Ying to understand, needs him to know that he's not beholden to what he said once or what he says now.

"I'll tell you," Wei Ying promises. "I don't think you could be too much for me, Lan Zhan, if I'm honest, but I'll tell you."

Lan Wangji nods and lets his body show the gratitude he feels for the promise, for Wei Ying’s understanding, for everything about the man in his arms. Wei Ying meets him, warm and welcoming as ever, opening to receive all the love and desire Lan Wangji has to give. Their lips and bodies move in tandem, a dance they've both learned all the steps to, until Wei Ying suddenly stops and pulls back.

"Wait!" he says, looking stunned, "Wait, so you mean to tell me all that poetry about desire and yearning and aching for the touch of your beloved is literal? People are really walking around out there feeling a physical need to, to kiss on somebody? Isn't that distracting??"

Lan Wangji can't help but smile. "Highly."

"And some people feel like that for more than one person? Maybe even for anybody attractive they see?"

"I believe it differs in focus and intensity," Lan Wangji says, "but as I understand it, yes."

"Holy shit," says Wei Ying, looking a little gobsmacked by the very idea. "All this time, I assumed that was metaphor."

Lan Wangji loves him so, so much.

"Well. WELL!" Wei Ying says, as he pins him with a serious look. "Anytime you're feeling too distracted by all that yearning, you just come and find me, husband. It won't do to have Hanguang-jun incapacitated by his amorous desires."

Lan Wangji chuckles. "If my husband insists."

"He does! This Wei Ying will accept as many kisses and everydays as his poor, horny husband requires." His grin is wide and beautiful and so fond, and, as ever, Lan Wangji wants to kiss it right off his face.

So he does.

🖤🤍💜

#PrideMonthSnippets Masterpost here!

I’m 25 and this is literally me

me when i have a crush

im so glad i have most of my classes with him

aw he’s so cute when he bites his lip

aw

oh hes staring at me

oh im staring at him too

oh he smiled at me

help

help

help

abort abort abort

friends who barely know this guy tell me if he likes me i value your opinion

what do you mean you dont know

ugh

i cant talk to him thats so hard

how do i talk to him

oh no he talked to me

help

what do i say

laugh

you look like a bitch way to go

go talk to him so he knows you like talking to him

no?

fine die alone then

lol im acting so weird in this class that i share with him just to get his attention

dont sit on the floor you loser

youre on the floor

fab

now hes definitely noticed you

gesturing frantically across the class is a great idea

oh look schools over now you failed

exams? no that is not a good time to meet him you have to sTUDY

these are your last ten minutes before the exam and youre spending them staring at him

youre creepy

he crashed into you and you didn’t say sorry?

congrats you failed as a human

stop

stop

stop

oh look he liked you this whole time you weirdo

Omg yes...

My problem with online dating is that I have no interest in talking to anyone unless I already know them. Kinda defeats the purpose.

Personal rant

I really need someone I can write to, when I wanna bitch about my demisexuality. Someone who will understand me. My current friends either (1) don’t understand and don’t take me seriously, or (2) don’t understand me, but pretend that they do. I’m not sure what’s better ... Maybe (2), because then at least I don’t have to look at a smiling overbearing face, telling me that I’m just overly romantic/dramatic, and then listen to some dumb-ass advice like; “You just need to meet someone new” or “Let’s go out, I’ll find you a guy”. 

I never realized how much this actually bothered me, until I realized that there are other people like me. Before I just tried to bury that feeling of feeling different and wierd. But now that it’s out in the open (for me) I can’t stop thinking that i’m never gonna be “normal”, and I can never go back to pretending that I am. Before I could push it down, and spoonfeed myself clichées from Hollywood-movies, but now I just feel frustrated and more misunderstood than ever. Not that I blame people, I don’t understand myself most of the time. 

I like concepts with a clear definition, and although I know that this is not how the world actually works, it’s still frustration realizing that my own sexuality doesn’t have a clear definition. Somehow I didn’t go through this when I was a teenager, like I thought I was supposed to. No, this all started when my real life began, when I was 25, and I got so unhappy trying to live the life, I thought I was supposed to live, until I couldn’t take it anymore. Quit studying, and started looking at myself and my life differently. All of a sudden I woke up. I realized that I was allowed to follow my heart. Question was; what did I actually want? I was used to making my decisions in life based on the outside, not the inside (although I sure thought I was). 

I woke up and started to look at everything completely different. Myself, my surroudings, my childhood, my family, my friends and .. my sexuality. Which I had described as being “shut down” for years. Because I didn’t feel anything towards anyone. I felt sexual desire, but not towards anyone. And I still feel it. I can have a crush on a guy for several months, thinking about him, heart jumping when I see him, but only wanting to talk or maybe kiss him. The sexual desire may come, but I need to know the dude first. Anyway, I could talk long about this. I like writing it down, and somehow this became a tumblr-post instead of a diary-entry (even though it probably should have been). But hey. I’m anonymous here, and maybe my ramblings can help another frustrated soul to understand that; You Are Not Alone.                       --- rant over, big hug if you made it this far, I appreciate it. 

The “close bond”-requirement can happen very quickly or very slowly, it’s a very individual thing, and is different from person to person. There is no time-limit, if it feels right calling yourself “demi”, call yourself that. 

I struggled with this myself. I felt like a fraud, because I had experienced primary sexual attraction once a couple of years back. But then it hit me, that it was probably more a case of “the exception confirms the rule”, more than “proof” of allosexuality. 

I call myself demisexual, because  it feels right, and nobody can tell me, or you, that what you identify with is wrong. It’s really only your decision what you call yourself, and you don’t have to explain yourself to anyone. 

Am I still demisexual if I don’t require a super close bond?

Like, what it’s someone I’ve been friends with for a few months?

Would I be gray-asexual then?

You,,, mean to tell me there's been a term to describe only feeling sexual attraction to someone you have a strong emotional bond with? Bruh I've felt like something was wrong with me for years for not being attracted to people in general.

Hell yeah there is 😆😆😆😆😆 and it’s called “demisexuality” 💜

And no it has nothing to do with Demi Lovato the amount of times I heard/read this joke is 🙄 y’all have no idea

There’s nothing wrong with you and you’re valid, we’re all valid, each person experiece sexuality and life itself differently ✨

God, I am angry at my demisexual ass today.. 

Feeling Lost

I try to do the best I can to try and find people that have the right mindset over people and equality and justice for others but when I think I find them, they end up disappointing me. I used to be more hesitant about things but hope to be getting better. I wonder if I might be wrong. Usually I see groups fight for a cause but there’s a bias or preference that compromises them that frustrates me. People need to realize that despite the struggles, no matter how small or big it might be, should matter. For those that have harmful ideas or mindsets should be educated respectfully but firmly. I just don’t know who the good side is anymore.

And here we have people hating on the Skittles pride pack on Instagram😐

"I just turned fourteen

And I think this year I'm gonna be mean"

June 12th🎉🎈🥳

PEOPLE ONCE AGAIN LOSING THEIR SH*T OVER PRIDE SKITTLES