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Between The Lines

Pairing: Kim Mingyu x fem!reader

Genre: office au, office romance, angst, strangers(?) to lovers, Co-workers to Lovers, fluff towards the end

Summary: Y/n faces unexpected turmoil as she discovers that her new collaboration partner in the office is none other than Kim Mingyu, a figure from her college past associated with painful rumors. As they navigate their professional collaboration, Mingyu's persistent attempts to break through Y/n's guarded demeanor unravel a history of misunderstandings and hurtful rumors.

Warnings: slow burn-ish, reader is bullied in college, puckering of lips against each other, let me know if I missed anything

Word Count: ~3k

My main masterlist

A/N: Happy Carat's Day! This is my first ever fic and I am not sure how this will go. This story is just an idea that has been in my drafts for ages. I hope you like it! Cross-posting it here cause my other account is pretty new and this is not showing up in search results

The harsh hum of the photocopier and the distant murmur of office life formed the backdrop as I stared at my screen, which had just received a notification of an email. The subject line sent a ripple of anticipation through me: "Collaboration Partner Assignment."

Opening the email, my eyes quickly scanned the details. I braced myself for the revelation, but nothing could have prepared me for the name that leaped off the screen – Kim Mingyu. My stomach churned, though I couldn't pinpoint why. Maybe it was the mounting pressure of the project or the unfamiliarity of working with someone from another company. A wave of discomfort washed over me as memories of college days resurfaced, memories I had long buried because of the same name! But it couldn’t be him, right?

I had hoped to leave the shadows of the past behind, but fate had different plans. Mingyu, a name that had once been sY/nonymous with popularity and my own insecurities, was now set to become an integral part of my professional life.

Navigating the familiar hallways towards the designated meeting room, my steps carried the weight of unspoken history. The door creaked open, revealing Mingyu already seated, his eyes lifting from a set of project documents to meet mine. A knowing smile played on his lips, oblivious to the turmoil brewing within me. It was him, Kim Mingyu!

"Y/n, right?" he said, extending a hand in greeting. "I'm Mingyu. Looks like we're going to be partners on this project."

I hesitated for a moment before accepting the handshake. "Yes, Y/n. Nice to meet you."

The sterile hum of the office's fluorescent lights set the stage for a reunion neither of us had anticipated. Mingyu, a name echoing through the corridors of my past, now sat across from me in a conference room. His smile seemed to mock my silent discomfort, reminiscent of college days where he effortlessly commanded popularity, and I existed on the fringes.

"Ready to dive into this project together?" Mingyu's voice snapped me back to the present, his expression oblivious to the tumult of memories that threatened to overwhelm me.

"Sure," I replied, my voice masking the unease within. The corporate battleground was familiar, but the arrival of Mingyu resurrected a dormant storm.

As we settled into the collaborative routine, Mingyu's attempts to get to know me became increasingly apparent. In team meetings, he'd throw casual questions my way, trying to unearth the person behind the professional facade.

"So, Y/n, any exciting plans for the weekend?" he'd ask, a playful twinkle in his eye.

"Same as always," I'd reply, nonchalant. I wasn't one to divulge personal details easily.

But Mingyu was persistent, undeterred by my guarded responses. "Come on, Y/n, there must be something you enjoy doing outside of work. Hobbies? Interests?"

His inquiry probed deeper than the surface, seeking to unravel the layers I had meticulously wrapped around myself. "Not really," I'd brush off, maintaining a stoic demeanour.

In the break room, he'd invite me to join him for a coffee, hoping to chip away at the walls I'd built. "Coffee break, Y/n? It's on me," he'd offer, a friendly smile playing on his lips.

"Thanks, but I prefer working through breaks," I'd decline, my gaze fixed on the computer screen.

Mingyu, always the optimist, remained undeterred by my cool demeanour. "Alright, next time then," he'd say, masking any disappointment that might have lingered beneath the surface.

Our interactions, or lack thereof, became a dance of casual questions met with guarded replies. It wasn't that I didn't notice Mingyu's efforts – I did. The truth was, I had carefully crafted my isolation, and I wasn't eager to let anyone in.

One day, as we reviewed project details, Mingyu tried a different approach. "Y/n, we make a good team, you know? But it would be even better if we understood each other a bit more. What do you say?"

His words held a sincerity that caught me off guard. Maybe it was the vulnerability in his eyes or the genuine desire to bridge the gap. I sighed, relenting just a bit. "Look, Mingyu, it's nothing personal. I'm just here to get the job done."

He nodded, understanding but undeterred. "Fair enough, Y/n. I respect that. Just know, I'm here if you ever want to talk."

The unspoken hurt lingered beneath the surface, but Mingyu never let it show. His attempts to befriend me continued, even if they were met with my persistent nonchalance.

In another attempt to connect, he invited me to a team dinner. "Y/n, we've been working together for a while now. Let's celebrate our progress. What do you say?"

I hesitated, then finally relented, "Fine, but just for a little while."

As the evening unfolded, I found myself in an unexpected situation – Mingyu's infectious charm gradually wearing down my defences. We laughed, shared stories, and for a brief moment, the professional barriers faded.

In the midst of the camaraderie, Mingyu leaned in and said, "See, Y/n? We're not that different after all."

I couldn't help but smile, the walls I had so carefully constructed showing signs of cracking. Mingyu's efforts were slowly paying off, breaking through the layers that shielded me from the world.

As we left the restaurant that night, I couldn't deny the shift in dynamics. Mingyu, once an unwelcome intruder from the past, had become a persistent presence in my present – a presence I was starting to appreciate, even if I wasn't quite ready to admit it.

The echoes of our team dinner lingered in the air as Mingyu and I left the restaurant. Laughter and camaraderie had briefly bridged the gap, but as we stepped back into the office building, I retreated into my familiar shell. The nonchalant exterior was my armour, and I wore it with practised ease.

Days passed, and Mingyu's efforts to break through my walls persisted, but my responses remained unchanged – short, guarded, and distant. The unspoken hurt beneath his eyes grew more evident with each interaction, until one day, frustration etched across his face.

As I sat at my desk, engrossed in my work, Mingyu approached, a determined expression on his face. "Y/n, we need to talk. Meet me in the meeting room in fifteen minutes," he said, his voice carrying a firmness I hadn't heard before.

I raised an eyebrow, caught off guard by the sudden shift in his demeanour. "Sure, whatever," I replied, my tone as indifferent as ever.

The meeting room, a neutral ground for professional discussions, now became the stage for an unexpected confrontation. As I entered, Mingyu was already there, his arms crossed, and a look of frustration etched across his features.

"What's your deal, Y/n?" he began, his voice tinged with a mix of anger and hurt. "I've been trying to get to know you, to be a good teammate, but every attempt is met with this... this wall you've built. What are you so afraid of?"

I sighed, my nonchalant facade momentarily faltering. "Mingyu, I'm not afraid of anything. I'm just here to work, not make friends."

His frustration bubbled to the surface. "You don't have to make it so difficult, Y/n. We're part of the same team, working towards the same goal. Why can't we at least get along?"

I leaned back in my chair, the familiar defences back in place. "Getting along is not a requirement for getting the job done."

Mingyu's eyes flashed with a mix of anger and disappointment. "It's not just about the job, Y/n. We spend a significant portion of our lives working together. Why make it miserable for both of us?"

His words struck a chord, a brief pang of guilt flickering within me. But I couldn't let him see it. "Mingyu, I have my reasons for keeping things professional. Let's just focus on the project and leave it at that."

He leaned in, his frustration giving way to a determination that mirrored the spark in his eyes. "Fine, Y/n. If that's how you want it, we'll keep it strictly professional. But know that it doesn't have to be this way."

Mingyu's proposal hung in the air, and for a moment, I considered the possibility of a truce – a ceasefire in the silent war that had defined our collaboration. The weight of his words pressed upon me, and I decided to break the stoic facade, if only for a moment.

"Fine," I responded, my tone betraying a hint of resignation. "Let's keep it professional."

As the days passed, our interactions adhered to the newfound agreement. Work discussions unfolded without the previous tension, and the strained atmosphere began to ease. However, beneath the surface, the unspoken distance lingered, a reminder of the unresolved history that bound us.

Late one evening, as the office lights flickered in the waning hours, Mingyu and I found ourselves alone in the workspace. The hum of computers and distant traffic outside seemed to amplify the silence between us. Mingyu broke the quiet, his voice softer than before.

"Y/n, there's something I need to know. The tension between us... is it just about work, or is there something more?" His gaze bore into mine, a silent plea for honesty.

I hesitated, contemplating whether to unravel the layers that guarded my past. In that moment, I decided to breach the unspoken barrier. "It's not just about work, Mingyu. There's history – a rumour that tainted my college years, and I believed you were behind it."

His eyes widened, a mix of surprise and realisation flickering across his features. "Rumour? What rumour are you talking about?"

College, a realm of possibilities, unfolded before me. Amid vibrant campus life, I preferred solitude, finding solace in the quiet corners of the library. My routine, a sanctuary, was disrupted when a rumor about me and Mingyu, the campus heartthrob, began to circulate.

Whispers painted a false picture – a rejected proposal, a scornful comment. The rumor, like wildfire, labeled me as the girl who dared to confess, only to face ridicule. My once-unnoticed existence transformed into isolation as judgmental gazes and hurtful labels became my companions.

The most painful aspect was the misunderstanding – the lie that branded me a loner, rejected and ridiculed. The library, my refuge, now felt like a glass house, the rumor exposing me to the harsh scrutiny of others.

Mingyu, oblivious to the storm, continued his life, while I bore the weight of fabricated rejection. The rumor, a dark shadow, cast a long-lasting mark on my college experience. The isolation, self-imposed or not, became my reality.

"The one where it was said I proposed to you in college, and you rejected me, saying you'd never date a loner like me," I confessed, my voice holding the weight of years of perceived betrayal.

Mingyu's expression shifted from surprise to understanding, a furrow forming on his brow. "Y/n, I never spread that rumor. In fact, I had no idea it existed until now. In fact, I wanted to be friends with you back then and expressed it to some of my friends!"

My defenses faltered as the revelation sank in. The narrative I had carried for years, the resentment that fueled our strained collaboration, crumbled like a fragile facade. "But... why would someone spread such a thing?"

Mingyu's eyes softened with sincerity. "I don't know, Y/n. But I promise you, it wasn't me. I regret that you went through that, and I wish I could've been there to clarify things."

The weight of the misunderstanding hung heavy in the room. Mingyu's admission brought forth a vulnerability I hadn't expected, and the unspoken tension that defined our collaboration began to unravel. As we navigate the murky waters of our shared history, the silence transformed into a hesitant dialogue.

"Maybe," he began, choosing his words carefully, "we can move past this together. Start anew, without the burden of misunderstandings."

In the quiet office, Mingyu and I shared a moment where words seemed unnecessary. His hand found mine, a gentle intertwining of fingers that spoke volumes. Leaning in, he kissed me with a tenderness that felt like an unspoken apology.

The kiss was slow, each movement deliberate, as if time itself had slowed down. Mingyu's lips met mine in a dance of connection, a soft exploration that conveyed a shared understanding. It wasn't just a kiss; it was a promise – a promise to let go of the past and embrace the possibility of something new.

As our lips lingered in the gentle exchange, the weight of misunderstandings lifted. Mingyu's touch, comforting and sincere, became a bridge that spanned the distance between us.

The air shifted after the shared kiss, the unspoken tension replaced by a newfound understanding. Mingyu, eyes reflecting a mixture of vulnerability and sincerity, gently pulled away, creating a space for words to bridge the lingering gap.

"Y/n," he began, his voice carrying the weight of unspoken sentiments, "there's something I'd like to propose."

I met his gaze, a silent invitation to continue.

"How about we take a step into the present? Leave the office behind for a while, just you and me. What do you say to a dinner? A date, maybe?" Mingyu's words hung in the air, a simple yet profound invitation.

The corners of my lips twitched into a hesitant smile, the remnants of the emotional whirlwind we had just weathered. "A date?" I echoed, the word carrying a hint of both surprise and curiosity.

Mingyu nodded, his eyes holding a hopeful gleam. "Yes, a date. No work, no misunderstandings – just two people sharing a meal and getting to know each other beyond the confines of the office."

The idea, once foreign, now seemed like a welcome proposition. A chance to rewrite the script, explore the uncharted territories of this evolving connection. "I suppose a dinner sounds nice," I conceded, the tension replaced by a sense of openness.

His face broke into a radiant smile, the lines of relief and excitement mingling. "Great! How about tomorrow night? I know a place not far from here. Casual, nothing too fancy. What do you think?"

Tomorrow night – a prospect that carried the promise of a fresh beginning. I found myself nodding, the corners of my own lips forming a genuine smile. "Tomorrow night sounds good."

Mingyu's joy was palpable, and as he pulled out his phone to exchange details, the office surroundings seemed to fade into the background. In the quiet aftermath of a shared kiss, the invitation extended marked a turning point – a step away from the weight of the past and into the possibilities of the present.

As we finalised the plans, Mingyu's gaze held a promise – a promise of a date that transcended the ordinary, a date that hinted at the potential for something more. The unspoken tension that had defined our collaboration was replaced by the anticipation of a shared meal, laughter, and the uncharted journey that lay ahead.

♡ fluff | ✩ angst | ♪ personal favorite

Song Fic Series

S.Coups (c.sc)

♡ My Dawn | sfs

✩ Flower | sfs (currently down for editing)

Jeonghan (y.jh)

♡ Red | blurb

Joshua (h.js)

♡ Falling | blurb

Hoshi (k.sy) 

♡ ✩ Proud | oneshot 

Wonwoo (j.ww)

♡  Letters to You | sfs

Woozi (l.jh)

♡ ✩ ♪ To Feel Love | sfs

DK (l.sm)

♡ Daisy | sfs

Seungkwan (b.sk)

♡ Didn’t Stand a Chance | blurb

Vernon (h.vc)

♡ Korean Traditional Mungbean Pancake | oneshot

Letters to You (j.ww)

genre: flomf + a smudge of angst

pairing: jeon wonwoo x reader

series: Song Fic Series! - Run to You

word count: 3.8k

summary: childhood friends should never be separated

author’s notes: are posted separately!! take a look if you’re feeling bored LOL

MASTERLIST

Jeon Wonwoo watched the scenery outside of the train window as the machine made its way to Changwon. The sun had set a good hour ago, and he was completely aware that his actions were stupid and insanely spontaneous. Wonwoo unconsciously clenches the box of letters in his cold hands, his thoughts consisted of you, his leg jumping anxiously as he waited for the train to reach its destination.

You and Wonwoo lived in nearby neighborhoods since primary school in Changwon, his hometown. The two of you got along as quiet children; you understood each other. Your worlds were filled with wonder and imagination. Your precious innocence and childhood memories revolved around each other. The two of you didn’t see a problem with spending so much time together; even as the two of you entered high school, you found time for each other despite having different schedules. The two of you always tried your hardest to find time to walk home together. It didn’t matter that the other kids would poke and prod at you to start dating or tease you for spending so much time together; you were a pair and were precious to each other.

As the end of senior year of high school neared, thoughts on colleges and universities to apply were common. Wonwoo wanted to get out of the town and see the city, he craved the excitement that his hometown lacked, but you wanted to stay in Changwon because of its familiarity and the fear of becoming homesick. And when Wonwoo finally broke the news that he had been accepted to Seoul National University, you didn’t know how to react.

Your best friend made it to a great school, and you should be happy for him, but it was your best friend who would be separated from you after 18 years of staying side by side.

The two of you sat in silence after Wonwoo spoke, the slight squeaking of the rusting swing set the two of you sat on being the only audible noise. The swing set resided in a park you and Wonwoo frequented since you were young, it being the halfway point between your neighborhoods. Going here would be your sacred spot for years in your friendship; the most complicated talks would take place here, this being one of them. As your mind filled with clashing thoughts, some of your hidden feelings for the boy were pushing you to beg him to stay. Wonwoo waited for you to process the information he suddenly pushed onto you. He shifted his eyes to you to see how you were coping; he knew it was going to be hard for the both of you to be so far from each other; Seoul being on the other side of South Korea, from Changwon. It scared him to be away from his family, but he wanted to seize the moment, but he wanted to know if you would be alright with his absence.

Wonwoo silently intertwined his cold fingers with yours, a habit that the two of you unconsciously did when in need of comfort; or whenever his hands lacked warmth. Your hands were still so small and warm in his, something that he found comical since you were kids. But now, as growing young adults, the both of you knew that fate was bound to tear the two of you apart sooner or later. With lacklustre enthusiasm, you looked at Wonwoo with glassy eyes and a painful smile, giving a soft squeeze to give him more warmth.

“I’m happy for you.”

Jeon Wonwoo is no idiot. He knew that his departure to Seoul would significantly affect the both of you. The day of his departure finally arrived. He said goodbyes to family, and the two of you found yourself sitting side by side at the train platform, waiting for his train. The wait was silent for the most part, you had cried to yourself the night leading up to this day, and you were not expecting to fight your tears again today as you sat with him for the last time in a while. Without looking at him, you quietly reached for his hand and warmed it in yours. Wonwoo allowed your actions and silently watched you, a growing pit of sadness built inside him as your grip on his hand tightened with the whistle of the approaching train. It was time for him to leave.

The two of you stood up and looked at each other one last time. Your tears were flowing out now, causing Wonwoo to chuckle at you (even as you softly hit his chest) and wiped them away. You pulled him into a tight hug, the two of you pouring out your feelings into it, your tears staining his jacket and your hands clutching the fabric. The two of you gripped onto each other for the last time until the train’s doors opened. His hands slid down to your hand one last time as the two of you gave one last squeeze. And as his fingers slipped away from your warmth, he felt his heart clench at the sight of you standing alone on the platform crying. With a heavy heart and an unfamiliar feeling in his heart, Wonwoo boarded the train to Seoul with his luggage in hand.

~

It had only been a few days since Wonwoo left his hometown when he received a letter from you. You had mailed it in a decorated envelope that came in a hefty pack that you had bought from the stationary store near your school. Wonwoo recognized the envelope design and chuckled to himself, remembering how excited you got when he bought it for you. However, when he called you about the letter, you refused to speak about it and told him if he wanted to say anything, he would have to write back.

In your letter, you spoke about how life was doing in your hometown and about how it felt different without him there. You talked about his family and how you were preparing for the upcoming year at Changwon National University. You stated your purpose of the letter, explaining that although it is cliché, you claimed a warmth that one could feel when receiving a handwritten letter from someone close to you. Wonwoo let out a chuckle, humored to see your familiar behavior even when written out.

Wonwoo wrote back to you the same day and happily mailed it at the post office near his dorm. And without knowing it, he would excitedly wait for your next letter to arrive and would internally scream whenever a decorated envelope would sit in his mailbox. As the year progressed, the pile of letters from you grew. Wonwoo kept them in a small box on his desk and would read them over whenever he missed you or home. Polaroids from back home that you sent to him in each letter were taped onto his wall; a certain polaroid of you smiling with a lollipop stuck in your hair was hidden in his phone case. He found comfort in having your photo back there; he had a piece of you with him all the time, plus it was his favorite out of all the pictures of you.

His Uni friends were aware of your presence and how important you were to him. Wonwoo’s roommate, Seungcheol, would tease him often about you because the speckled man would close himself from the world until he finished the letter. Seungcheol didn’t mind, though; he found it cute how whipped Wonwoo was for the girl in the letters. Plus, you had sent Wonwoo’s roommate a lollipop in compensation for having to deal with him, so Seungcheol thought nicely of you. The rest of the 11 men Wonwoo befriended would poke and prod him about “his girl back home.” Which he would deny despite his quickening heart rate when speaking to you on the phone or through letters.

As school got increasingly difficult and the work began to pile up for the both of you, the letters stopped for a while after a mutual understanding that your lives were getting busy. Wonwoo had sent the last letter, which meant that he had to wait for you to send a response to continue the chain. Throughout the break, Wonwoo would continue to deny any claim that prompted him to miss the letters from you. He always had his phone to contact you whenever he wanted to. Despite him waving off his friends’ comments, there was a large part of him that longed to see another one of your decorated envelopes sitting inside his mailbox. There was something heartwarming about receiving letters because it took time to make and deliver. Letters took time out of your day, and he could tell that you wrote in detail, fearful of missing a detail that would have to wait for the following letter. 

Now, Jeon Wonwoo is not an idiot. He always took into mind what his friends thought about him and would reflect on his day to find ways to improve himself. One particular day was filled with his friends’ teasing had brought Wonwoo to question if he held secret feelings for you that he was unaware about. His thoughts were brought back to when the two of you were still children, racing each other to school or just simply playing in the park that the two of you would frequently return to even as you grew older. Wonwoo even remembered attending the annual cherry blossom festival with you multiple times, your families attending every so often. However, it was you who would push him to attend. One particular festival, however, he remembered holding your hand while walking under the falling cherry blossoms. As if he were put into a trance, he watched you in awe as you pulled him through the hallway of falling petals. Wonwoo furiously shook his head in embarrassment while laying down in his bed that night.

He only saw you as some childhood friend… right?

Wonwoo shivered and tightly wrapped himself in his blanket; his hands were freezing. He tossed around on his bed to rid his thoughts of you for the rest of the night. Unbeknownst to him, his longing thoughts of you would continue on for the rest of the week. He would space out so often that his friends would call him out for it, noticing an unusual difference in school performance and behavior. One of his friends, Minghao, even noticed that he would be holding his phone to rub the back of his case, to which he texted Wonwoo with concern afterwards. Wonwoo couldn’t understand why he was acting like this either. Everything that he looked at reminded him of you; even his side of the dorm had remnants of you. From the stickers you secretly super-glued onto his laptop to the blanket you gave him that was sitting on his bed. He was sick of it.

“Maybe I’m just homesick,” he would try telling himself. 

It wasn’t until he saw a particular decorated envelope sitting in his mailbox that he felt his heart rate rise at a spectacular rate as he giddily sped into the dorm room. Seungcheol was sleeping on his bed when he entered, his light snores filling up the silence in the room.

Wonwoo dropped the rest of the mail on the coffee table and jumped onto his bed, ripping open the envelope to see what you had to offer this time. To his surprise, there were no polaroids but instead, a small cherry blossom petal encased in tape. Confused, Wonwoo took out the letter to read why you had changed the usual trinket.

Your letter this time described your most precious memories together, from just sitting on the swings of your childhood park near your houses and eating whatever snack you had to chew on, to the fond memories that the two of you had shared from the cherry blossom festivals that you would drag Wonwoo to. In the letter, you told him that the sealed flower petal was from one of the festivals that the two of you had attended. It went on to apologize for the long wait for the letter and that it wouldn’t happen again. There was a small space of hesitation in the letter. The letter abruptly closed after the apology and written in a small font was an instruction to call you before reading the letter. 

There was something important that you wanted to discuss with him, you wrote.

Wonwoo felt nervous; he gently closed the letter and grabbed his phone. He glanced at his snoring roommate before getting up and leaving the dorm room, the taped flower petal in his hand. Wonwoo made his way up to the rooftop, a quieter place to have a phone call with you and he wouldn’t disturb Seungcheol, before clicking on your contact, every ring making his stomach sink deeper. 

“Hello?” 

Wonwoo unconsciously smiled before greeting you back; he had forgotten how pleasant your voice sounded. The two of you caught up for a while before asking why he had called. Wonwoo hesitated and began to fiddle with the petal in his pocket. He proceeded to tell you that he received your most recent letter and your direction to call him. Wonwoo let out a small laugh while telling you how unique the taped petal was, bringing it out of his pocket to observe it. There was a moment of silence on your end, the feeling of dread returning to Wonwoo’s stomach. You made an unintelligible noise before groaning out that there was something important that you needed to tell him. Wonwoo’s grip on the petal tightened.

“I’ve loved you for a long time now.”

~

Seungcheol could tell something was wrong. When he got ready to leave the dorm to his job, Wonwoo quietly slinked into their shared unit and laid face flat on his bed. Seungcheol called out to him and asked if he was okay only to receive a muffled groan in response. He didn’t want to leave his roommate like this, but his boss would kill him if he were late again. With a heavy sigh, Seungcheol left the dorm, shouting to Wonwoo to eat something before he gets home.

As soon as the door closed, Wonwoo turned his head to get air and pulled out the petal from his pocket. Your words were still ringing in his ear and the way you abruptly hung up after telling him that the feelings didn’t have to be mutual. His thoughts were in turmoil, did he like you that way?

Wonwoo’s hands felt cold again, he pulled his sleeves over them.

For the next few days Wonwoo was even more out of his normal self and his friends were completely aware of it. They were weary on approaching him about it though, Wonwoo wasn’t the type to speak about his feelings to them. They could tell that he would be thinking about it too, his cheeks would turn the slightest bit of pink whenever he would space out, a mumbled “she likes me” escaping him once. He couldn’t not think about you, you were everywhere to him. It was similar to when he missed your letters but enhanced because of your confession. Wonwoo would space out more often than usual, enough for the boys to actually become annoyed at him. When his studies were being affected by this though, Seungcheol decided to step in and talk to him once and for all.

It had been five days since your call and there was a small yet growing pile of missing assignments from Wonwoo’s classes. Seungcheol opened the door to the dorm and found Wonwoo quickly shoving the box of letters behind him. Seungcheol raised his eyebrows at Wonwoo and shifted his eyes to look at the taped petal on his roommate’s bed, which Wonwoo immediately covered with his hand. Seungcheol let out a tired sigh and took a seat on his own bed across Wonwoo’s, giving him a serious look.

“You and I both know that you like her,” he started, Wonwoo couldn’t look at his older roommate. “I don’t know when you’re going to accept it but we both know that this,” Seungcheol motioned towards the scattered papers on Wonwoo’s desk, “won’t end unless you finally make up your mind.”

Seungcheol stood up from his bed, “Don’t think I don’t see you rereading her letters or that I didn’t see you hide her photo behind your phone,” Wonwoo froze, “you’ve got it bad man, everyone sees it except you.” Seungcheol then left the dorm, mentioning something about joining him and Jeonghan once he gets himself together.

Wonwoo continued to think about his feelings for you through the night, his roommate’s smack of reality helped him concentrate a bit better. It was Sunday, and Wonwoo was trying to complete his missing assignments from before. Wonwoo groaned in frustration and slammed his pencil down onto the unfinished calculus homework. He shifted his eyes to his phone, his heart beating a bit faster when the thought of him calling you crossed his mind. Wonwoo peeled his phone case off and cradled the small polaroid of you in his hand, his thumb rubbing over your face in the photograph and smiling as he saw the stuck lollipop in your hair. Wonwoo then reached for taped petal sitting on his bare phone; he had been hiding it there with your photograph to keep it safe. Wonwoo felt his face warm, your words ringing in his ear once more as his heart raced.

He did love you after all.

Something inside Wonwoo snapped. He got up quickly and took a look at the window, the sun was about to set. Wonwoo hurriedly shoved your photo and the petal into his pocket, grabbed his phone and wallet, and hastily toppled his books standing on top of your box of letters. With that in hand, he ran to the train station, purchased a ticket, and hopped on a train going straight to Changwon station.

Jeon Wonwoo watched the scenery outside of the train window as the machine made its way to Changwon. The sun had set a good hour ago, the lampposts outside illuminating the dark land beyond. Wonwoo unconsciously clenches the box of letters in his cold hands, his thoughts consisted of you, his leg jumping anxiously as he waited for the train to reach its destination. It was a two-hour trip by bullet train, he didn’t care that he spent so much money on a ticket, Wonwoo needed to see you.

He sent a quick text to Seungcheol that he was alive and was going somewhere for the night and turned off his ringer, he knew he was going to receive a horrible scolding for this once he got back but he focused more on the task in hand. Wonwoo clenched his cold fingers to get the warmth that he lacked, and carefully took out your photo and the petal he had carelessly shoved inside his pocket. The laminated petal was doing well, and your photo was crumpled now from his running, his fingers smoothing out the creases on the photograph before rubbing his thumb on your printed face.

The train’s chime woke Wonwoo up, the doors of the train slowly opening. Wonwoo shook himself awake and grabbed his belongings before making his way out. He was immediately hit with nostalgia as soon as he stepped out of the train.

The station looked the same as it always did. Wonwoo’s heart clenching at the sight of the seats the two of you sat on the day of his departure. He looked at his phone to check the time only to be met with a black screen; his phone had died.

As panic started to settle inside Wonwoo, he had a running start out of the station to your house, the street lampposts lighting his way through the familiar streets from your childhood. Memories floated around him, each and every spot in this town had a memory of you in it. From the races to school in the mornings, to buying you those envelopes you loved at the stationary store near your houses, and eating snacks at the park late at night, Wonwoo found himself standing in front of your house holding your box of letters in his arm.

Your room’s light was on and he felt his heart soar. He was here. He continuously knocked on the door, his heartbeat growing faster and faster as he heard your footsteps grow louder.

And there you were. Clad in a stolen shirt of his from high school, shorts, and a pair of fuzzy socks, you were as beautiful as he had left you.

You jumped into his arms, him dropping the box of letters to catch you and latch his arms around you. You disregarded all your feelings and tears you released for the past few days, all the anger and stress were being relieved being in his arms, you buried your face into his shoulder as he lifted you off the ground. Your best friend was home.

“I love you.”

Your eyes widened, tears resurfacing once more. Did you hear that right? Wonwoo held you close to him as he whispered in your ear.

“I’m sorry it took me so long to realize.”

You leaned back to see his reddened face illuminated by the street lampposts and let out a happy laugh as tears ran down your face.

“You came all this way just to tell me that?”

You giggled out as he softly kissed your forehead, a soft blush rising up your neck.

“No matter the distance, I’ll always run to you if it means I can tell you that I love you.”

A bright smile appeared on your face before burying it in his chest and interlocking fingers with his.

And suddenly, Wonwoo’s hands didn’t feel cold anymore.

~

Turns out, that petal you sent to him was from the festival that you realized that you were in love with your best friend. Wonwoo teased you, laying on your bed that Monday morning. You explained that if he didn’t hold the same feelings as you did then you would rather let go of the petal than to hold onto it.

Wonwoo looked at you with sincere eyes, interlacing his cold hands with yours to get you to look at him. He sat up and pulled you up with him, him placing a soft kiss on your lips as you got up. The two of you smiled at each other, sharing another kiss.

His and your box of letters sitting next to each other on your desk, Wonwoo never felt warmer with you here.

~

Then I can find you, who cares if it’s a bit far?

I’ll follow the line that connects us two

When you said you engraved my name in your heart

Remember why my eyes grew so big

 Right now, you and I, we both need the same thing

But I don’t have it so let’s meet again later

Please be well until I get there

I’m going to run to you

Flower (c.sc)

genre: HARD ANGST

pairing: S.Coups (Choi Seungcheol) x reader

series: Song Fic Series! - If I

word count: 2.3k

WARNINGS: major character death, mentions of blood, hospitalization, and disease.

summary: regret and mourning

author’s notes: are posted separately!! take a look if you’re feeling bored LOL

MASTERLIST

If the word I said countlessly came true

Seungcheol tirelessly dragged his feet up the hospital stairs, quietly telling himself to stay strong for one more day before entering your hospital room. There wasn't much to the room you stayed in, it was just as bleak as the others in the building. Yours though had a vase full of vibrant flowers adorning the table beside the guest chair.

A bright smile graced your features at the sight of him. You were sitting upright to get a good look at the view outside of your hospital window before he walked in. Bright rays of sunlight leaked into your room, bathing you in the sun's warm hug. Your sketchbook lay open on the overbed table, two small aster flowers sitting on the page of a finished sketch of the plant.

Seungcheol gifted you a chaste kiss before placing his belongings next to the vase of flowers and pulled the guest chair to your bed, ready to talk to you about his day. Speckled scars from your IV needle graced the top of your hand, Seungcheol being cautious when taking your hand in his. The shared smiles and faint giggles in this bleak room were more than enough for him; even the quiet conversations and comforting silences were perfect to him, just as long as he was with you.

Seungcheol wanted to pretend that everything was normal. He wanted you to feel normal and happy despite the sudden relapse of your childhood disease. He wanted to pretend that your skin wasn’t losing its color each day that you remained in the hospital or that you weren’t dying and that any day could be your last. He clung to you, childishly, wanting to spend every minute with you.

If I, if I, if I

The to-do list, because I couldn’t do it, its meaning is completely changed

Seungcheol still had his share of responsibilities despite his wishes to stay by your side 24/7. He still had college and a job to pay rent, which he became disinterested in both. A growing number of absences began appearing on Seungcheol’s school record; the frequent warnings from his boss no longer bothered him. He could no longer concentrate on anything other than you, and his life was being affected by it.

Seungcheol would often reminisce about the memories with you outside of the hospital when your paling skin was still its vibrant color and your smile wider and brighter than it is now. Memories where you would drag him to different places that he had never seen or noticed before or experience something new and fun. Seungcheol smiled to himself, remembering how eager and wide-eyed you were to see the world even before the two of you started dating. He was able to experience and come to understand your perspective as an artist. And he admired you for it, your ability to see beauty in everything, even in him.

And within that month where Seungcheol finally managed to ask you out and become his significant other, he was able to experience pure love and adoration from you. It is because of this love he refuses to accept the reality coming between your relationship with him.

There was still so much that he wanted to do and see with you; the different dates and days that he could only envision with you in it would only remain in his imagination. Everything that he had planned out would remain undone ever since you were admitted to the hospital.

Seungcheol’s to-do list no longer consisted of different escapades with you, but only to see you smile every day.

If I, if I, if I

I didn’t want to calculate the widened angle between us

You knew you didn’t have much time left; the doctors informing you that your time is limited, the disease spreading through your body too fast to cure. Your sickness weakened your body each day; it was growing harder to wake up from the worsening fatigue. It was something that you didn't want to think about or bring up when you were with Seungcheol, despite him being aware of what was to come.

You could tell that your worsening health was taking a toll on him. You were aware that he was ditching classes and that his job position was being threatened. You knew that he wanted to spend all of his time with you and that you did too. You loved him with all that you had to give; he became your everything without realizing it.

You often cried about the thought of dying and leaving everything behind, usually when Seungcheol left for his night shift or those rare times that he was in school (after scolding him). There were times that you despised yourself for causing so much pain to the person you have grown to love. There were nights where you cried, wishing that you were never diagnosed with this cursed disease, that you had a life with no more medication and pain, to repay Seungcheol for all that he has done while you were, hospitalized. You hated being so weak in front of him, sometimes pushing him away even though you wanted him to stay with you. You cried in fear when he was not there with you, selfish tears falling during the night at the thought of him finding someone else to love apart from you.

As the number of days you spent in the hospital rose, the weaker your body became; the pain in your chest from heartbreak and disease became more evident as breathing became difficult day by day.

With a sudden urge to draw you focused your strength into grabbing the pencil laying on the crease of your sketchbook. Everyday actions had grown increasingly difficult with your weakening strength. The pencil felt heavy in your hand, like carrying bricks, and you brought your other to help stabilize your shaking hand. A quiet sob escaping your lips from frustration and anger as the line on the paper scribbled into nothing. The silent clinking of your pencil hitting the ground didn’t make it to your ears as hot tears fell down your face. Your hands fell to your sides, weak and tired from something so simple. A sudden pain struck your chest making your body lurch forward. A violent array of coughs erupted from you; small droplets of blood mixed with your saliva stained the blank pages of the sketchbook. With blurry vision, you continued to fight for air, the quickening noises of the heart monitor dulling into a loud ringing in your ears as fuzzy images of nurses rushed into the room.

Your eyes shifted to the corner of the room where a vase of wilting flowers sat. Its petals splayed on the guest table, brown and limp, some falling like the confetti for their funeral.

If I-

Seungcheol was looking at the bright colors of the flowers behind the shop's window on his way to you. The colors reminded him of you in a way; the flower’s vibrant petals livened up the dreary afternoon he was experiencing.  

It wasn’t the first time he had been in the shop; Seungcheol had been getting flowers for you here since you hospitalized that the employees at the store began to recognize him whenever he came by. Seungcheol purchased a bouquet of chrysanthemums, as recommended by the florist who told him that it symbolized joy and long life, before heading to the hospital to do his daily visit.

The sky was filled with dark clouds, hiding the sun when Seungcheol made it to the hospital entrance. There was a bad feeling in his stomach and the weather was not helping with his growing anxiety. His grip on the flowers tightened as he hurried his way up to the floor your room was on.

Seungcheol felt his stomach drop at the sight of nurses rushing in and out of your room. He slowly staggered to your open door, pushing through some of the nurses crowding the area to get to you.

Visions and images of you came flooding into his mind as he inched closer to the door, his mind imagined your smiling face, smiling for him and him alone, and you that would jump into his arms and press kisses on his face telling him that you had healed. He imagined walking with you, hand in hand, out of this grim place and taking you to the beaches of Jeju, dancing on the shoreline. And he imagined saying his vows to you, dressed up so prettily with his friends and family around the two of you, and seeing his ring sit on your finger forever.

Seungcheol stopped breathing at the sight of your limp hand dangling on the edge of your bed.

Nurses pushed him out of the way in a rush to save you as he stood there, the chaos in the hall filtered out by the loud ringing of the flat line on your heart monitor. The ringing didn’t stop.

I’m late but even now, my eyes and mouth are full of you; A day passes and the regret is too deep- I’m drowning in it

Jihoon had been the one to take Seungcheol out of the hospital. He received a call earlier from the hospital, Jihoon's number being listed under Seungcheol’s emergency contact papers after your name, telling him to remove Seungcheol from the waiting room.

Jihoon quickly grabbed Seungcheol's prepped overnight bag and brought him to his apartment complex. The tight-lipped man didn’t want his friend to be by himself, so he welcomed Seungcheol to stay with him until he was stable enough to be on his own.

Seungcheol felt himself drifting. His head and heart felt empty as if he were floating in space, drifting aimlessly forever without anywhere to go.

Nothing felt real to him anymore; he would often think that he was stuck in the void that your passing had created in his head.

There were times where he would close the world out, where everything would turn black. And suddenly, you would appear, your skin returned to its glowing and natural color, your smile would be shining as it always did whenever he saw you, and your hand would take him, so warm and alive, pulling him into the embrace that he craved and begged so much to have one last time.

His eyes filled to the brim with tears for you, soft broken whimpers of your name escaping his mouth during the night that Jihoon would hear through the thin bedroom walls of the guest room while working. Jihoon could only hang his head in shame, praying for his friend to find peace with your passing.

Seungcheol felt like he was drowning, regret building inside of him. His hopes and dreams that he wished to fulfill with you suffocated him.

If I could have given you the proper support…

If I could have given you that last kiss…

If I could have given you that last ‘I love you’…

If I could still have time.

I’ll do whatever to love you again.

~

Where you going, where are you going

Why do I feel my grip loosening

My fist holding onto the edge of your clothes

Why am I losing strength

Our path, our promise to be together

Is already thwarted and you walk away

Turning your back on me

 It reduces to a single dot

It’s too empty outside of that interest

I hope that that dot

Comes back before me and turns into you

 If I could

If I could

If I could

I’ll do whatever

…

Seungcheol stands in front of your grave years after your death, a fresh aster flower in his hand as he reminisces on the memories the two of you shared in your younger years. These memories that could only bring him sadness in the past made him smile, time allowing his wound of you to heal in his heart. The thoughts of "what could have been" were able to fade with time as well.

Sometimes though, a few tears would escape. Seungcheol let out a sniffle, a dopey smile gracing his features as he apologized to you. He gently placed the flower on your headstone, his fingers tracing the grooves of your carved name on the stone as he did every time he visited you. He let his hand linger just a bit longer on your grave as he longed silently, hoping his prayers get to you. A ring of love adorned his ring finger as the rays of the sun bounced off the metal. Seungcheol’s face now with visible signs of age, smiled once more at your grave, whispering the words he wished he could have said to you before your passing,

 “I’ll love you forever my flower.”

 If we can walk this path together again

I want to hold your hands and give you warmth

If I hold your cheeks with warmed hands

Will you smile again for me?

Then let’s do.

 If I

Proud (k.sy)

genre: fluffy + some angst

pairing: Hoshi (Kwon Soonyoung) x gn!reader

word count: ~980

summary: comfort and confrontation

author’s notes: are posted separately!! take a look if you’re feeling bored LOL

MASTERLIST

Soonyoung snuggled closer to you, his head laying on your stomach as your fingers softly threaded through his silver locks, his light snores signaling that he had fallen asleep. You looked down at your boyfriend, a smile gracing your features, your heart drumming in your chest. He still managed to make your heart race despite the years you spent together.  

You continued to comb through his hair, thinking how peaceful he looked at this moment. Soonyoung had been busy with promotions for the comeback and his solo that the two of you rarely had time together. You let out a quiet sigh, not wanting to disturb the sleeping boy.

You grew to love Soonyoung. From his hardworking demeanor to accepting his stubbornness when insisting that he had to work harder. As much as you admired him for being able to take on so much and to come successful, you couldn’t help but worry about him from time to time.

Like Jihoon, he would push himself to give his all in everything that he did Soonyoung would continue fighting and struggling to get the best results out of the fear of failure; it’s this similarity that makes them so alike.

You shuddered at the thought of the small arguments the two of you had when he would push himself too hard. 

You would apologize not that long after, nonetheless. It wasn’t in your intention to stress Soonyoung more than he already was, and he knew that you were doing this because you were worried about his state. It brought the two of you to now, him relaxing in your arms. 

You lovingly stared at Soonyoung as you gently traced your fingers down his jaw.

You loved him so much. 

It wasn’t fair that he pushed himself so hard like this. You didn’t want him to burn out or to hurt himself in the process of doing something he loved. Even if it proved difficult to convince him to take a nap or even snuggle, it still scared you that he would continue pushing himself to his limit. 

You understood that he knew what he was doing and loved every second dancing, finding every second as an opportunity to improve. Yet Soonyoung tended to punish himself when things wouldn’t work out. Whether it be overtime in the studio or even in the gym, you would find him pushing himself until he couldn’t go anymore. 

You remembered opening the gym doors to drag Soonyoung home when he suddenly fell from the pull-up bar. You were about to run to him when he slowly pushed himself up, arms trembling from exhaustion, before punching the ground in frustration. You froze, watching his shoulders shake from where you were standing, his quiet sobs hurting you more than you could ever imagine. You remembered how painful it felt to see him in that state, and it didn’t take you that long to rush to his side to wipe away his tears and to take his sweaty body into your arms. 

Soonyoung stirred in his sleep, slowly waking up to the sound of your sniffling. It took him a few moments to process what was happening before pulling himself up to embrace you, your fingers gently clawing at the sweater he was wearing.

“What happened baby?” he whispered while stroking the back of your head, his voice a bit raspy from waking up. 

“I love you so much, you know that right?” you sniffled into his clothes. Even if it was unclear, he was still able to hear you, a smug grin creeping its way onto his face. Soonyoung giggled at you, pulling you from his tear-stained sweater to wipe your eyes. 

“You’re crying because you love me?” he teased, his hands coming up to squish your cheeks together; he found you adorable, his grin widening as he saw you pout in his hands.

“Yes, I am,” you pouted, your eyes sore from the tears. You pounced on Soonyoung, knocking him onto his back, burying your face into the crook of his neck, his arms snaking around your waist to keep you in place. The two of you relaxed against each other, allowing the peaceful silence to take over. 

“Please take care of yourself Soonyoung,” you mumbled into his neck, knowing he could hear you. 

Soonyoung sighed before bringing his hand up to stroke your hair, “I’m sorry Y/n,” he kissed the crown of your head, “I’ll try better for you.” 

You looked up at your boyfriend, pushing yourself up to kiss him. Soonyoung kissed back, his hand holding your cheek in place as your lips gently pressed against each other. When you pulled away, you nudged your forehead with his.

You gazed into his eyes, feeling heart race once more, “You are better, Tiger. You are enough,” Soonyoung’s breath got caught in his throat, “You’re enough for me, Soonyoung, and that’s more than I can ask for.” 

The two of you sat up again, “I love you so much, Soonyoung,” you caressed his cheek, “you’re everything that I could ask. I’m so proud of you baby,” You wiped the tears falling down his face.

“Your work isn’t going unnoticed, baby, and you’re working so hard. I’m in awe whenever I see you. You’re so bright and burning with creativity and passion,” you wiped another tear before cupping his face so his eyes would meet yours, “I just don’t want you to hurt yourself when things don’t go your way.” Soonyoung buried his face in your chest, his short hiccups muffled by your shirt. 

“Everything will work itself out Soonie, you’ve gotten so far and worked too hard for it to not to.” You ran your fingers through his hair, “I’m so proud of you, baby,” you whispered to him, Soonyoung’s arms tightening around your waist, “I’m so proud.”

yall i edited it i think its finally cool now guys please i like sobbed three times while trying to edit help hey you should def give it a read tho what omg 

Flower (c.sc)

genre: HARD ANGST

pairing: S.Coups (Choi Seungcheol) x reader

series: Song Fic Series! - If I

word count: 2.3k

WARNINGS: major character death, mentions of blood, hospitalization, and disease.

summary: regret and mourning

author’s notes: are posted separately!! take a look if you’re feeling bored LOL

MASTERLIST

Keep reading

𓇢𓆸 𝐰𝐢𝐥𝐝𝐞𝐬𝐭 𝐝𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐦𝐬

"someday when you leave me / i bet these memories follow you around"

💌 summary: once a dream relationship with the love of your life, now doomed to fail because of the media, you can only hope that minghao will think of you again -- even if it's in your wildest dreams.

💌 pairing: idol!minghao x non-celebrity!reader (angst, i almost cried planning this oneshot)

💌 genre(s): angst 😭

💌 word count: 3.25k words

even if you're not meant to be, you don't always have to end things on a bad note. inspired by taylor swift's 'wildest dreams', bolded and italicised words signify the lyrics.

"He said let's get out of this town, drive out of the city, away from the crowds..."

You sing the lyrics softly, looking out of the car window.

"Ironic," Your boyfriend chuckles from next to you, eyes trained ahead as he drives on the never-ending road, winding into evermore. "Exactly what we're doing now."

You let out a laugh, leaning your head on the window as he raises your interlinked hands to press a kiss on the back of your hand. "That we are, dear."

The sunset winds into the distance and shines, just the way you like it, and you pull out your camera, letting go of Minghao's hand to snap photos, much to his dismay.

"Hey," He nudges you after you're done admiring the way the oranges and yellows twist and intertwine in all the right places, and holds his hand out again. "Hold."

You pat his cheek affectionately and take his hand.

Thirty minutes later, the same man offers you his arm to hoist you up onto the roof of the van, where he insisted was the most beautiful place on earth.

You lay your head on his shoulder and sigh in content.

The sunset could shine all it wanted, and be the largest and prettiest thing in the sky, but nothing would beat the man who was currently nestled into your side, arms snug around you and smiling with the awe and love of a lifetime.

The photo you take of you two is now framed in your shared house, and your phone next to the photo frame buzzes and lights up.

"Happy two years dear, I love you to the moon and back. Sorry I had to go back to the city, but I promise I'll make it up to you."

"Nothing lasts forever... but this is gonna take me down..."

"What did you say?"

"I'm sorry."

"No, no, Hao, don't be sorry," you cajole. "We'll be okay. What did the company say?"

"They'll be releasing a statement." Minghao sounds half-frustrated, half sad as he paces around, you can hear his footsteps scuffing the floor. "They're trying to do damage control, but the media is already eating it up. People are spreading the photos and I just-- I'm sorry you have to go through this. I know we wanted to keep us private."

"It was going to come out at some point," You sigh. "We both knew that."

"But it shouldn't have happened this way." Minghao counters.

"I know," You murmur, "But don't think too much and worry. We'll be fine. I love you, and I'll see you tonight, okay?"

With the promise of seeing him and spending the night together, you hang up.

Two years is a lot, you tell yourself. He'll stick by you and you'll have the ending you always dreamed of with him.

But along with the consolation came a sense of dread. Were you convincing him or yourself?

"I can see the end, as it begins, my one..condition..is…"

"Minghao?" Your voice is meek, so scared, soft and vulnerable.

Minghao hates the way the happiness in your voice has disappeared.

"Darling?"

"Th-there's reporters shouting outside," You say, clutching the phone tight as if you could gain comfort from it. "Lots of them with cameras. They... I think you might have been followed home last night. They probably waited for you to leave."

"Shit," he curses. "Wait for me, I'll be right there."

"No!" Your voice cuts through. "You can't. Y-you'll be ambushed. I know how scary the paparazzi can get. I just--"

"Baby," He says, tears welling up in his eyes, because you’re right. He would be torn to shreds. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, a million times over. You don't deserve any of this, I-"

"No more of that," You whisper, and he goes quiet. "I love you. All I need is you. If this is what we must go through for me to be with you... so be it."

"I love you," he chokes out through a haze of tears and anguish. "I love you so, so, much, you have no idea."

"I love you too, Hao," You reply, and say that you'll hide out for a while so they'll leave before hanging up.

Minghao slumps down and cries like he's never cried before.

"I said, "No one has to know what we do", his hands are in my hair, his clothes are in my room...And his voice is a familiar sound..."

"Baby!" He races to you, sitting in the living room, still slightly shaken. He engulfs you in a hug. "I'm so sorry, I'll be sorry for the rest of my life..."

"It wasn't your fault," You reply softly, pulling back to cup his face, drawn and blotchy with tears. "Love you lots."

He wipes at your eyes, slightly swollen with your tears, ears still ringing with the shouts and camera clicks, eyes still seeing stars with the flashes as you stepped out to threaten calling the police.

"I love you," He weeps, clutching at the material of your clothes. "Why can't I just love you without other people getting involved?"

And you don't have an answer to that, so you just pull him in and press your mouth to his. It's salty with his tears, and he's shaking, but he hugs you tight, grip firm and unwavering.

He whispers promises into your skin, swears to every higher being that he'll keep you safe, promises that he'll love you for the rest of his life, and no one could keep him away from you, you both were too strong together for that. He tells you things will get better, they have to.

You believe him as you come undone, the tears staining the sheets beneath you.

"And when we've had our very last kiss...my last request...is.."

From that day on, everything changes, as much as you both vow to prevent it from happening.

Kisses are still shared, and movies are watched. His arms wind around you as you go to sleep, but those events are few and far between as he shuttles between you and the city, fulfilling his career.

When he comes home, he's either too tired to do anything, and you're not exactly inclined to ruin the one moment of peace he finally has for him.

What used to be a sanctuary of love and laughter and life, is now just an empty shell. Two people cohabiting in a desperate attempt to keep the flame kindled, huddling together for warmth.

You can feel it, and you know he can, too.

Things haven't gotten easier like he claimed. Your love hasn't dwindled one bit, but the media has only gotten more ferocious, even now hounding your workplace and regular haunts. You're practically confined within the walls of your home, either alone or with Minghao.

No more sunset dates. No more shared giggles under a blanket fort, no more pillow fights as he tackles you. No more late-afternoon cuddles as thin sunlight slants into the room. No more midnight instant noodle sessions. No more of anything. Silence overtakes, and the days drag by.

You know it's bubbling, the frustration, the anger at the media and at the world for being absolute busybodies, at Minghao (you don't know why), and at yourself.

And it's only a matter of time before it boils over.

You explode in the worst way possible.

It starts when Minghao comes home, looking even more tired than usual. You don’t even look up to greet him anymore as he trudges into the room, simply humming in acknowledgement. The spark in your eyes long gone, your smile feigned.

Perhaps those were the tell-tale signs of a relationship long gone. The spark wasn’t there. None of the previous joy you felt when he came home was there.

Were you falling out of love with him? ..No, that couldn’t be it. You knew you loved him for years, ever since you set eyes on him at an art museum, and you would always love him. Now, you just felt nothing but sadness when you saw him. If it wasn’t love, you would have only felt indifference.

None of you spoke about the reporters. It was like they didn't exist, only you knew it was the opposite, with them clamouring outside, with no reprieve. It was to the point where you had to lock every door and window for fear they would break in. Yet, both of you avoided the topic like a taboo, while it loomed over your bond like a dark cloud.

You came to the conclusion that it wasn’t that you wanted this relationship to end, it was more like… you just knew it would.

What you had with Minghao would not end well. It would only end.

“Hey,” He speaks for the first time since coming home. “How was your day?”

“Nothing much,” You reply, and the kitchen goes silent.

He knew your day was nothing much. He knew why it was nothing much too. You couldn’t even go out without being mobbed by shouting reporters and blinding cameras. How well could your day have went?

“Dinner?” You ask, and he shrugs. “Sure.”

It was sad, really, you note, how quickly a conversation could end. So pitiful that a couple of over two years, who always never had enough to say to each other, had nothing to say now.

You finish dinner in silence, only the clinking of cutlery to fill in the vacancy of your voices.

After dinner he walks to the living room and you to your phone. You open up the three messages that have appeared to view them, but let out a shriek and throw your phone on the couch next to Minghao.

He raises his eyebrows at you in confusion and picks your phone up when you look back at him, eyes wide in panic.

His eyes widen the same way when he sees the graphic content of the message, the threat of the malicious sender reverberating through his mind.

“This— you…” He trails off.

“Is-is that a knife?!” You yelp. “This person just sent me a photo of a knife and threatened to kill me!”

“Baby, wait—” Minghao gets up and reaches for you, but you shrink back. “D-don’t.”

His jaw tightens as he registers the fact that you’re afraid of him. That a devil hiding behind a screen was enough to scare you away from him, the person who loved you to the ends of the earth.

“Okay.” He steps back. “Please…don’t be scared of me. I’m not going to hurt you.”

“Not you,” was your only whisper.

He furrows his eyebrows. “What?”

“Not you,” You speak up, slightly louder than before. “Just… the fact that the rumour is out, the media at our door… we no longer have anything to say to each other… it hurts me beyond what you know.”

“I’m trying, love,” Minghao says, quietly.

“I know you are,” You reply. “Like I said, it’s not your fault.”

“But you’re hurt,” Minghao protests. “I’m hurt too, you know? I can’t even bring you out, let you live a normal life and be with you as I want. It’s not fair to me, either.”

“Nothing was fair from the moment the articles broke,” You reply softly, tears coming to your eyes. “That what we have is seen like…a mistake. A sin. That you, just loving someone, is the greatest wrongdoing. That reporters found the need to stay at our door just for pictures of us. That someone found the need to threaten to kill me.”

“That’s not fair,” Minghao protests again, tears welling up too. “You’re not the only one suffering here. I am too! My career, my relationship, all of that shoved into the limelight. Do you know what that feels like?”

“I don’t,” You answer. “I know I will never fully understand your situation. All I’m asking is…can’t we just—”

“Pretend nothing happened? Go on with this?” Minghao’s voice cracks. “You don’t want that. You do not. We can’t.”

“Why not?” You ask.

“Because nothing will ever be the same! Nothing we do can let us go back to before. You are hurt and stuck here, I am done for, we are now shackled here—”

“Shackled?” You ask quietly. “Is this what it is?”

“No, I—”

“I think I’ve known for a while,” You say. “That it’s not ‘if’ we will end, it’s when we will.”

“W-What?”

“There isn’t anything there anymore, Hao,” You throw your hands up. “Hell, we don’t even have anything to say to each other!”

“What can I say?! That my career is half ruined, my relationship dying away, my fans threatening to end us both?!”

You turn away, wiping the tears off your cheeks. “You should go, Minghao. I...I don’t want to keep you here if you don’t want to be. I'm so sorry...”

"Why won't you fight for us?" His voice is a deathly whisper.

"What?"

"Why... I know it's hard but... why-why are you giving up?"

"Giving up...?"

"You gave up on us." He breaks into a sob. "We don't talk because every time I look at you, I can't help but keep thinking about how much better your life could have been. You could go on sunset drives whenever you want. You could have spent night after night in blanket forts without a care in the damn world, without worrying that one day someone's going to break the door down and do something to you. You-"

"Thinking like that was always meaningless without you, Hao," You let out a humourless laugh. "All I wanted to do those things with was you."

"We can still do it all," He says, striding towards you. "I told you. I won't leave you."

"But you have to." You murmur back. "I've seen the reports. You're one of the highest-rising stars now. You're worlds away from where I am. And just being me, being bombarded with attention like this, attention I don't want, day in and day out, it... it suffocates me."

"So that's it?" He asks dejectedly. "You don't want me anymore?"

"I do want you, it's all I want," You try to gesture, try to tell him what you mean, but he shakes his head.

"You used to say that with so much life. Now... it's like a stranger telling me that." You look at him, eyes pleading, tears spilling over.

He takes a step back, eyes scanning you like it's the last time he'll see you. "I'm so, so sorry I put you through this. I-I'll go. I'll go now."

He comes forward and cups your face. He leans in, and kisses your forehead. The delicate action and gentleness of it all, combined with the salty tang of his tears, makes you tear up again.

“Say you remember me, standing in a nice dress, staring at the sunset, babe…”

You register the front door closing behind him. He’s gone, and God knows if he’ll ever return.

That night, you turn off the lights, make sure the windows are closed, but you leave the wooden door unlocked. You never locked it when he hadn’t come back.

You tuck yourself in, the way you like it, the way Minghao does it, and fall into a fitful sleep, the last words you uttered to each other ringing in your head.

When you wake up the next morning, Minghao hasn’t come back.

Something just tells you he won’t return this time.

“Red lips and rosy cheeks, say you’ll see me again…” The tinny sound from the aged record player plays, prompting you to hum along to the tune.

“XU MINGHAO, singer, makes record-breaking return to the stage, set to perform...”

“Three years on — where is XU MINGHAO’s mysterious ex-partner now?”

“Woman spotted outside his apartment — liar or lover?”

You close the papers.

You smile. He’s on top of the world, just like he dreamed.

And you… you were just here. Alone, but moderately content, and at peace.

The media had left you alone from the third week that Minghao didn’t return. They probably deemed you less newsworthy, you muse, as you pour yourself another cup of coffee.

You sip coffee as you sift through your mail. You pick up an envelope, and smile at your friend’s invitation to an awards ceremony. Knowing that you were a fan of one of the performing ballad singers, she, as part of the management team, had taken it upon herself to secure you a ticket.

You get up and stretch. It was time to go to the city.

"And now, winning the most prestigious award of the night, the Artist of the Year..." The announcer smiles, stage makeup bold and sparkling against the lights. She steals a look at the card in her hand, takes a deep breath.

"Xu Minghao!"

Your hand flies to your mouth as the big screen shows his face, smiling as he waves, bows, and walks to the stage. You don't look out of place, as just about every fangirl is doing the same. Tears come to your eyes and you blink them away.

He's just as dashing as ever. Decked in a smart suit and jacket to match, with small, sleek hoops in his ears, and lips curved in a charming smile, he accepts the award and addresses the crowd.

"I...I'm beyond honoured to stand here today," His eyes dart about, trying to capture every pair of eyes from his vision. "You know I owe just about everything to my fans, new and old, my family, and my friends who've been with me through everything."

He visibly swallows. "And there's one more person, one really, really special person I want to thank."

He stretches out his hand and smiles as if beckoning to someone, and a beautiful lady hesitantly steps up, dressed in a gorgeous champagne-coloured gown, soft curls in her hair, a bounce in her step.

"She saw me through the darkest period of my life," He says, clutching onto the lady's hand like a lifeline. "From strangers to friends, from friends to lovers, I want her to know she's my day one."

The cameras and fans go wild, everyone clamouring to get a better glimpse as the woman smiles at him, full of adoration like he once used to look at you, and they share an embrace on the stage, the host cutting in to sing praises of the newly hard-launched couple.

Meanwhile, you sit, rooted to your place, as you watch them. But it isn't overwhelming sadness that engulfs you. It isn't any form of bitterness or resentment. The sweet tang of pride, that he can now freely love, and gratitude, that his new love was doing what you failed to, rests on your tongue.

You rise to your feet. As you're in a row closer to the front, it isn't hard to get out. As you walk towards the exit, you glance back one last time, only to have shock rain down on you as he locks eyes with you from the stage.

The shock dies away swiftly, only to be replaced by soft joy. You smile slightly and nod at him once, with nothing but sincerity in your eyes, and watch the relief sag on his shoulders as he smiles and nods back. Even with no words shared, he knows you've both found your ending.

"Even if it's just in your wildest dreams, ah, huh..."

writer's note: first ever oneshot and this was...sad? but also i wrote this in one day and almost decided not to publish it because it was so rough lol

but please enjoy! any feedback and interactions are welcome :> thank you for reading!!

𝐦é𝐥𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧𝐢𝐞 •°. *࿐

🎻 feat: violinist!jun x violinist!reader, victorian era, enemies to lovers (kind of)

🎻 warnings: mentions of physical abuse (not explicit), mentions of cheating (but no one cheated)!!! not the best e2l i'm very sorry

🎻word count: ~11k

🎻 summary: in an era of music and dance, of dukes and arranged marriages, there is only one man whom you fight tooth and nail to play at the same tempo as -- legendary violinist wen junhui. people fall over themselves to dance to a song he plays, and festivities from all over the land request the pleasure of his attendance.

portraits are painted, praises sung of him, but you've only ever known him as your stiffest competition, in a society where outstanding women are frowned upon, reduced to mere puppets in the shadow of men. yet, amid domineering voices and too-loud presences, you have no option but to understand that he was the melody that played his way into your heart.

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1870, November 11th

"Your Grace," You reach for the Duchess' outstretched hand as you exit the carriage, your other hand lifting your gown, the horses skittering as they reach a complete stop.

"My dear Y/N! It has been too long since you have graced our court," The Duchess seems pleased to meet you as she clutches your hand tightly, you squeezing it in return.

"It has been long," You agree. "It is an honour to play for the annual ball once more."

"Nonsense!" She trills a laugh, her hand coming up to cover herself. "Truly, it is our greatest blessing to be able to hear your music."

You smile in gratitude as she leads you towards the palace. "Thank you, Your Grace. I'm looking forward to performing for you as well."

"I'll have someone send up your bags to your rooms," She adds, continuing to walk you in. "The estate is busy today, what with the company we're having... and the two greatest violinists of our time!"

Your smile freezes on your face. It can't be, it's not possible--

"Of course, we're not expecting Sir Wen Junhui just yet, but I like the staff to be well-prepared-"

Wen Junhui. Of course, it had to be him.

"My dear? Are you alright?" The Duchess asks you, concern on her face. "I didn't have you just now."

"My apologies, Your Grace," You immediately say, a smile plastered on your face. "I...I must have been tired. Carriage journeys have never really been my preference."

"Of course, how could I forget!" The duchess sighs, before turning to the servants trailing behind. "Ensure Miss Y/N has everything she needs. She must be in tip-top condition for the ball." At the servants' bow, she turns back to you. "I must return to the preparations," she tells you. "Will you be alright heading to your rooms by yourself? The servants will lead you."

"Of course, Your Grace," You curtsy. "You really didn't have to lead me in, it was too much trouble. Please, I wish not to disturb you further."

Again, her tinkling laugh. "What words! You could never be a trouble to me, my dear friend."

You bid your farewell and as she leaves, the servants motioning to lead you to your chambers.

You shake your head lightly as you resume the walk. Wen Junhui, in the same place as you. What luck.

───✱.｡:｡✱.:｡✧.｡✰──────✱

"You two surely have met, given your professions," The Duke tells you as he beckons to a tall man you know all too well. "It is my understanding that you both played for His Majesty's coronation the previous year."

"Indeed we did," His velvet-like voice, thinly masking his hostility, returns. "It was charming to be in her company."

"As if." Your mutter, thankfully, goes unheard by the Duke. Junhui, however, picks up on it, what with those sensitive ears of his that supposedly make him an oh-so-amazing violinist, and raises his eyebrows at you.

The Duke excuses himself soon after to find his wife, which leaves you and Junhui standing alone. His waistcoat, laced with what you recognise to be one of the finest silks in the market, rustles with his movement as he turns and faces you properly.

He bows to you in mock politeness. "My pleasure to be in your delightful company once more, Miss L/N."

You roll your eyes. "Skip the formality, for our sakes."

Amusement laces his cat-like features. "If you say so, treasure." The term of endearment stirs more irritation in you.

The hostility between you two dated back to your teens. Fresh out in the world and eager for opportunity, you tried to become the court violinist in the royal orchestra, to prove yourself not just as a talent but as a woman, only to be turned away with the memo that a violinist had already been chosen, the only one the court was looking for, and it had been Junhui, all lanky limbs but with the fervour of a highly determined seventeen-year-old.

And at the birthday celebration of a royal you didn't remember, for which your family watched from the gates, you heard him play for the very first time. The symphony the orchestra had played, the seamless chords and semiquavers that had flowed from his relentless fingers on the strings, and the firm press of the glowing horsehair of his bow had impressed every person in the audience. Except for you.

No, you were bitter, so, so, bitter, that the one chance you had strived for your whole life had been taken from right through your fingers.

From then on, you had been known, amongst many in your small town, not very kindly, to be the "young lady who had dared to pit herself against Wen Junhui".

Your mother and father had taken the remarks in shame, beginning to discourage you from pursuing music. Yet, you had taken no heed, continuing to find all ways to continue what had become your lifeline.

And as he soared, both in skill and in fame, to become the most popular violinist of the age, you worked equally hard at your art, staining your fingers with cuts and your wrists with injury as you strived to reach his heights.

And you had run into luck, for an academy run by a sharp-tongued man scouted you at a performance at your local church. Before long, you were on the stage, flitting from event to celebration, just as you dreamed. You played concertos and partitas to your heart's content, did opening acts for renowned orchestras, and headlined the stage in the courts of various nations, eager to keep climbing the ladder towards the goal that was Junhui.

But no matter your greviances, you truly enjoyed the stage. It was everything you had. You took pride in your work, you blushed at compliments, and you appreciated every chance there was to step on the stage and perch the four-stringed instrument on your shoulder.

Then came the day when you met your competitor for the very first time, performing at a gala held for a local lord. He'd looked at you, no doubt recognising you based on the gossip circulating around, and raised an eyebrow in teasing recognition before shaking his head and simply turning away. No formalities were exchanged, even though you were fully intending to be civil.

From then on, you both maintained a stoic but unspoken rivalry, making sniping remarks when you had the misfortune of meeting. Yet, years after it all started, here he was, standing in front of you, on a stage you would soon share.

And as luck would have it, a courtier walked over. Park, you remembered his last name with some effort. He had been the first to object when the court invited you to play at this ball. The papers had published his account of why you shouldn't be involved (boringly long, you thought).

"My, my, if it isn't the two legends of our time," He drawled, in a voice that grated on your nerves. "I must say, having you both on the same stage is rather...shocking."

Junhui raises his brows. "And what prompted that belief?"

"Oh, but doesn't everyone know of your rivalry, sir! Years upon years of competition of talent."

You let out a light laugh, leaning forward to the smug courtier to jest. "And which of us would you prefer, sir?"

His smirk is nothing short of hateful, you decide, when he replies, "Captivating as your music is, my charming lady, I find Sir Wen Junhui's music simply...breathtaking. Perhaps a fine man, bestowing his heavenly talents upon us all, is much welcomed now."

Junhui's smirk is even more hateful, you determine when he walks past you, Courtier Park in tow, his hand raising to pat your shoulder, which you brush off roughly, saying under his breath, "Better luck next time. Looks like you won't be playing in his court any time soon."

"Rot in hell."

───✱.｡:｡✱.:｡✧.｡✰──────✱

"Oh, how wonderful that you both will be sharing the stage this time!" The Duchess claps her hand in appreciation after each of you plays excerpts of your performance pieces.

"It's an honour," Junhui replies, bowing low. You curtsey, noting the way the Duke nods at Courtier Park after.

"Refresh yourselves," The Duke instructs. "We will see you at the celebrations. We're looking forward to both of your performances."

You can't bring yourself to look interested when Junhui turns to you. "As am I." The smug, arrogant twinkle in his eyes does not go amiss.

You curtsey once more and at the couple's nods, stride out of the room, Junhui behind you.

"The Divertimento No.17 by Mozart," He muses. "A fitting choice. You always liked the cheer."

"And you could only dream of appreciating them."

"Snippy as ever, treasure," Junhui answers patronisingly, as easy as counting.

"Yes, well, you are no different from the last time we met," You reply coldly, turning a corner. "Stop following me."

"Our rooms are nearby, treasure," He drawls, leaning against the wall. "Remind me again why you're being so delightful?"

"Why, huh," You sneer back, turning to face him. "Where to start? Why are you even here?"

"Why am I here?" He echoes. "My dear, I was invited. As were you. Through our wonderful years of being around each other, you would know I dislike performing for the royals. I agreed because I owed His Grace a favour."

"Of course you did," You mutter. "Well, I'll get going. Go find your next person to terrorise, you take joy in that anyway."

His chuckles go on as you walk off, the skirts of your dress fanning out behind you.

───✱.｡:｡✱.:｡✧.｡✰──────✱

Notes, one after another, flow like water out of his bow, in rapid semiquavers and strong crotchets, chords easing through the strings as easy as the alphabet.

You can't deny Wen Junhui is a phenomenal performer.

It's two waltzes before your piece comes up, and the guests of the ball are mingling, filling in dance cards, getting to know one another. You see a few familiar faces, ladies of society whom you'd seen on other occasions. The Duke and the Duchess took the dance floor earlier, and are now nursing glasses of carefully brewed liquor, laughing and entertaining.

The head of the estate's entertainment announces your appearance, and you step up in front of the orchestra. At your cue, the piano launches into the familiar cheerful chord.

And off you go from there. You laser-focus yourself on every note, the vibrato you'd honed to perfection. And thankfully, all goes without a hitch, leading to resounding applause as people break away from their dance partners.

The Duchess bustles to you after you bow and get down. "My dear, that was magical."

"Oh," You smile at her gushing compliment. "Thank you. I enjoyed myself."

"And so you should," The Duke encourages, walking up next to his wife. "What a stunning job you've done."

The Duchess hums in agreement before exclaiming. "Right! I was coming to say, the governors want you and Sir Wen Junhui to dance together."

You stiffen. "I'm sorry?"

“As a sign of goodwill,” The Duke says. “Not very customary, given that you have no real ties to each other, but we think it would be nice. Not to mention, you both ought to loosen up and enjoy yourselves tonight. Do you not agree?”

You’re about to politely decline, but an arm slides around your arm and tugs you closer. Just a little. “Of course we do. Thank you for the offer, Your Grace.” Junhui nods at the beaming couple.

The Duchess smiles at you as her husband nods, satisfied and ready to help her to the dance floor again. “Enjoy yourselves.”

“I—”

“Hush,” Junhui croons as he sweeps you into his arms and across the floor in an elegant turn, the beginning notes of another popular waltz playing out. “We are meant to revel. Look at the atmosphere we’ve created. We ought to enjoy the fruition of our work, no?”

“Shut up.”

He smirks slightly at you. “As you please. You’re not a bad dancer, I see.”

You curse silently. In the distraction of the banter, your feet had automatically stepped alongside his, rhythmically and physically attuned as one — one body and one being.

Heavens, you hated it.

“Fall silent at praises?” He raises his brows.

You snort. “Why should I if it comes from you?”

He gasps in mock hurt. “You wound me, truly.”

“Oh, forgive me,” You simper, a sweet smile on your face. “Whatever should I do with that information?”

And back and forth it went again, till the last cadenza played. His confident and suave digs, your sarcastic and impatient snipes.

He lets go of you as the crowd starts mingling again, and smiles. “It was a pleasure. We’ll meet again.”

He presses a kiss to the back of your palm, winks and disappears into the throng, leaving you looking appalled at your hand.

───✱.｡:｡✱.:｡✧.｡✰──────✱

1871, January 17th

“You want me to what?”

“Keep your voice down,” Your father urges.

“Oh, forgive me for being surprised that you’re marrying me off.”

“Daughter,” He says sternly, putting down his paper. “It’s Merchant Park’s son. A finely educated, young man. You will not do any worse with him. At the very least, it would make you seem more like the desired lady you are.”

“And what of my music?” You demand. “I have to put a stop to my dreams? On your order?”

“Dear,” Your mother cautions, then addresses your father. “Husband, we should tell her the truth. The deal is signed, anyway.”

Deal. You’re being sent to some stranger over a deal.

“We are not doing well, you know this,” Your father explains.

“I have told you, the commissions I get from the Lords and the palace—”

Your father holds up his hand. “Let me finish.”

“We need help to keep our estate and our rights,” He continues. “Merchant Park has very kindly provided a deal for us: a monetary exchange in return for a bride. As Mr. Nathaniel Park has proved himself a true man, we saw no reason to turn down such a win-win offer: a groom for our daughter and enough to sustain us.”

You clench your fists. “And you didn’t think to ask my opinion on all this? When I am the one to marry?”

Your father eyes you. “Daughter, things in other households are far worse. Some do not even know until the night before the matrimony. You might consider yourself lucky.”

You look to your mother, but she trains her eyes on her tea and doesn’t reply.

A painful lump forms in your throat. “Is there no other way?”

Your father shakes his head. “Not one as beneficial as this.”

“And will it ensure prosperity and stability for the rest of your days?”

He nods. “We will do much better than before.”

You blow out a resigned breath. “When will it be?”

───✱.｡:｡✱.:｡✧.｡✰──────✱

1871, March 1st

Church bells ring, shouts are heard.

You marry Mr Nathaniel Park in the nearest church to his estate. It has been the talk of the town, and throngs have turned up to see a wealthy merchant's son marry a talent of the nation.

Everyone, except for your families, seem to be under the impression that you had been seeing each other in secret for years, and had finally emerged to take the next step.

It’s all nonsense, every last detail, but the very same nonsense made it to the papers by next morning.

You leave your family home that night to start your life with Nathaniel.

───✱.｡:｡✱.:｡✧.｡✰──────✱

1874, June 28th

You were bored out of your mind.

Your violin was locked up goodness knows where, and Nathaniel had explicitly said he had no intention of letting you return to the stage as a career.

It had killed you a little inside, but it was to little surprise. Men like Nathaniel and his equally unbearable father were common. And you had fully expected to be controlled and restricted in return for your family’s benefit.

Except you had severely underestimated how much time the violin occupied. With nothing to do and only so much overseeing of the estate you could do, you were about to go insane.

Worse, Nathaniel had been in a dark mood as people in the streets had started gossiping.

Because while Wen Junhui had continued to travel far and wide to showcase his talents, his rival (yes, you) had suddenly stopped doing the same — so suddenly that it was downright suspicious.

And your temporary reprieve came when an invite for a local lord’s ball came by the estate. In it, it urged for both your attendance and a a suggestion for you to perform. It seemed like a good chance for Nathaniel to turn the tide and assure society that you were still fulfilling your dream, and to quell any rumours.

Your fingers were rusty, so it was to your shock when Nathaniel allowed you to play and practice for a couple of hours.

“For the ball,” He warned. “Only for the ball. I cannot have people speculating why my wife has suddenly stopped performing publicly.”

It was better than nothing, you surmise.

And so it is to your greatest pride that you stand once again on the stage, performing a sonata you’d long since learnt by heart, the guests clapping and in awe.

And after you get off the stage, you use the start of yet another dance to allow yourself to be whisked away by your husband. But your impatience returns once you see who your dance partner is.

“I thought I’d come keep you company since it has been a while,” Wen Junhui smiles lazily at you as he captures your hand in his. “Congratulations are in order, I see.”

You shrug.

“Funny how the papers said you’d been seeing each other for a long while. A secret dalliance, did that paperboy say? Wonder where that came from.”

"Be quiet."

He does not, in fact, keep quiet.

“Dashing man,” He nods towards your husband, who is doing an awful job of hiding his scowl at you dancing with another. “Tell him to loosen up and smile a little. After all, his wife is the star of tonight.”

“Shut up.”

“Not proud of your matrimony?” He has a saccharine tone which you decide you really hate.

“You know nothing.”

“Huh.” His grin drops, no longer pleasant, as you take another turn around the floor, falling perfectly into place with other dancers. “Someone is snippy today.”

“Would you please stop?” You demand hotly. It’s not as if you would admit right this second that this marriage was what you want. “If you have nothing genuinely good to say, why don’t you—”

"Oh, so you want me to be quiet, huh?"

His eyes are now suddenly simmering with both mild anger and something else, perhaps impatience. With that same burning expression on his face, he grips your hand and hauls you toward him.

The abrupt and rough action makes you release a squeak of surprise, and his other hand catches your head in time to adjust it on his chest.

You struggle. "We are in public! Unhand me this instant!"

"I told you, be quiet."

"What?!"

"Be quiet and listen," He demands, pressing your head to his chest, using the throng of dancers and people to hide you from Nathaniel. "Listen and tell me what you hear."

You scowl up at him. "Is this a joke?"

"What do you hear?"

"Your heartbeat, like a normal living person?" You snarl. "What more is there?"

"Listen again."

After a brief pause, you ask him, "Why is it racing?"

He glares at you. "Exactly."

"What do you mean, exactly? That was not even my questi-"

"My God, use your brain for once," He sighs impatiently. "If I truly hated you, would I have picked you as my dance partner? Would I have offered you my company and my well-wishes? Would I, Y/N?"

"W-what do you mean?"

"Forget it," he snarls, biting his lip in impatience. "Go and be with your husband. Last I heard, he was looking for your whereabouts." He strides away, leaving you stunned.

And even as Nathaniel meets you and berates you for leaving his side, and as you get back into the homebound carriage with him, your mind stays only on Junhui.

If I truly hated you, would I have picked you as my duet partner?Would I have offered you my company and my well-wishes?

Would I, Y/N?

You lean your head on the back of the carriage, the lights of the city wide awake, even with the lateness of the hour, your mind whirling with thoughts you didn't know were true.

His racing heartbeat, your racing mind. He didn't hate you. The real question now was... did you hate him? Still?

───✱.｡:｡✱.:｡✧.｡✰──────✱

1874, September 4th

It's a rainy afternoon when everything falls apart. Nathaniel is in a horrible mood, and you're about to lose your mind.

No music, since he took it away from you once you got home. No money to seek any kind of entertainment, since he's in charge of the estate's finances. You can't even go out on a ride, since he's ordered the footmen to keep you within the property.

“What’s going on between you and Mr. Wen?” You look up at his seething question as he strides in and throws the morning paper down on the table in front of you. “It has been months and columns are still writing about you two!”

“What am I supposed to do, tell the writers to stop?” You ask drily, and a sudden strong fist grabs your arm and a blunt impact is unceremoniously struck to your face.

You freeze, blood running cold.

Nathaniel doesn’t seem fazed in the slightest that he just hit his wife.

He grunts in displeasure. “Heavens, I’ll have to explain these articles to our family again.” He makes a tutting sound at you and strides out of the room, massaging his hand and rotating his wrist.

Amidst everything, the painful swell of your cheek and arm, the humiliation you feel, and the anger that courses through you, you can only think of one thing.

One person.

And so Junhui has the shock of his life when you turn up, panting and soaked in the downpour, at the gates of his estate. Your fine gown is as good as ruined, your updo plastered over your face. Your makeup is running, and Junhui wastes no time pulling you indoors.

"I didn't know where else to go," You murmur, strength sapped, and he says nothing, only signals to his servants to get towels and new clothes.

As he surveys you, his eyes widen in disgust and shock, and he takes your shoulders in his warm and gentle grip. "Was this him? Sir Park's son?"

At your unsettling silence, he repeats his question, more firmly this time. "Did he do this to you?"

For the first time in maybe your life, you meet his eyes fully. There is anger in his eyes, so raw and so deep, that you feel your eyes start burning again.

As you bow your head to blink the tears away, he lifts your chin to meet his eyes once more. "You have never shied away from me. Of all times, my treasure, I would beg you not to hide now."

You stay silent, and he repeats his question, each word more strained than the last.

You nod imperceptibly, confirming his worst fears.

"God," He groans, leaning forward to hold your hands in his large ones. "If I were a swordsman and not a musician, he would be gutted like a fish."

You try to crack a smile, but it just doesn't come out right. "You're not funny."

"I wasn't trying to be," He returns. "But whilst we are on this subject, perhaps my bow could do the job. It's sharp enough."

That finally coaxes a small, broken smile out of you, and his shoulders release slightly at the sight.

His servants return with the requested items, and after pushing you into a room with an adjoining chamber to dry off and get changed, he sits you down as he tends to you. Still shaken, you just let him, and you watch silently as he presses a small makeshift ice pack to your face, made of soft towels and crushed ice meant for drinks.

Occasionally, he brushes a hand through your hair to detangle it and let it dry. It's so... domestic, painfully so, and you're fully aware of how hard your heart is pounding.

"I hate you," His voice suddenly comes through, and you look up as they register. "I hate you so much, you know that?"

Your voice is hoarse as you reply. "I know. I know it all."

"I hate that you're here, in my estate. I detest the sight of you. I hate that we're here, only being civil under circumstances like these, and I loathe beyond comprehension that he did this to you. I hate it so much, but I despise you the most for not coming to my door the second it happened."

Your eyes sting again with tears, and he reaches up to wipe at them, his eyes the most tender you've ever seen.

"Do not shed tears for a man so undeserving," He murmurs. "It is unbecoming, you know."

"I know," You choke. "I didn't want to."

"Forget about him." His voice resounds like thunder. "You should not remain with a monster like him for your family. You are your own person, and your fate is in your hands."

He turns his attention back to the bruise on your arm, tending to it with the same gentleness and precision a tinker had with music boxes.

He called for medicine, clothed and fed you, only to hear you confess three hours later. "I must return before dawn. He will be seeking me out, and I can't have him come to your estate and make trouble."

"No." His firm refusal shot a pang into your heart.

"Junhui. I must."

"You will not return to that hellhole. It's my order."

"I have to, my family-"

"Would want their daughter to be whole and hale." His voice is deep and fierce, so much angrier than you've ever heard.

"I would not see you ruin yourself for a godforsaken life with him. If he can hit you once, and to this extent," he motions to you, "He will do it again and again. Each time even harder than the last. You will die at his hands!"

"The deal-"

"The money is the last thing on my mind!" He exclaims, now agitated. "I do not care about the riches or the deal your family has made with anyone. I just want you to be safe. I want you to be happy. Are you happy, locked up in a great lonely house with him, giving up on the art you have honed all your life, becoming his puppet and a shell of what you once were, only to be hit as if you are worth nothing?"

You shake your head, as if trying to shake off his words. "I know, you're right, Junhui, god! You are right about it all. But my family... they are everything to me. I worked all this time just so I could go home to them someday and live our days out in comfort. I...I cannot forsake them now. Not when they will be thrown into the streets and shamed if they do not honour the contract."

"Then stay here with me," He pleads. "I will handle all of it. I'll make sure no one gets hurt. You can perform and do everything to your heart's desire and I will never hold you back. Please."

"I cannot burden you with my issues!" You shout, choking back a poorly concealed sob, hands reaching to your hair to tug on it in frustration. "Please, Junhui, please, just... let me be. Live your life and let me live mine."

"You chose to come here tonight. Yet now you ask me to stay out this. How can I, if you're making a choice that may very well get you killed?!"

"I will not. You know that. I'm strong enough to handle it."

"Do you even know what you are handling?" He demands hotly. "A violent barbarian who knows only use his fists against a blameless lady and her family -- do you have any idea how horrendous that sounds?!"

You take a deep breath. "I-"

"I will open my gates to you and your family. I will give you my home, my sanctuary and protection, anything you will ever need. But in return, all I ask is that you leave that place. Leave someone who will never care for you the way you should be cared for."

"I can't, I can't. The world is in my way, his family-- they would never view me or respect me the way I want. Not as a musician who worked her way to the top. They will see me as a mere town-girl who seduced him for money and ran off with it. Everything I've done to make sure people never see me that way-- I can't handle that."

"And so you pick them, their satisfaction and influence, over your own fate?" He asks incredulously. "That strong, stubborn, steadfast woman I know -- where is she?"

"I am not picking. It is my only option! You have seen how the governors and men of the court see me, even as a musician in comparison to you. I would suffer that tenfold, and worse, my family will go the same path. I would rather die than allow it to happen, even if I must suffer."

The whole room goes silent, save for your breathing and his ragged pants.

His nose flares and his eyes narrow. His voice turns colder than the cruel winters of the land. "Is that what you truly mean?"

"..Yes. Yes."

After what seems like an eternity, he nods, so slightly you almost don't catch it. His lips curl, whether in disgust or mock of your decision, you do not know. He looks the most disappointed you've ever seen him. "Fine. Then let him destroy you. Let the people who do not matter, do not care about you tear you to shreds. Perhaps you were right, and I was the one meddling too much. I apologise." He starts walking away.

"Junhui-" You begin as you clutch his arm, dread running down your spine, but he simply looks at your hands wrapped around his with the indifference you thought was all he had. He looks at your pleading eyes, your shaking posture. He wants nothing more than to tell you how he feels, the immense frustration that you just won't let him be there for you... but through his raging emotions, his mouth stays shut.

"You can leave as you want," He says, all the emotion from prior gone. He finally looks you in the eye, his own betraying only the smallest hint of anguish and something you can't quite place. "I will not hold you back if that's what you desire. I just hope you will be happy with your decision, Y/N."

And then he's gone, leaving you to sink down in the middle of the room and cry into your hands, the finery of the gown he clothed you in now a mess around you.

───✱.｡:｡✱.:｡✧.｡✰──────✱

1874, September 5th

"You have returned."

Not quite a question, but you nod to your husband, who is currently lounging on a newly embroidered couch, eyeing you up and down with something close to disdain in his eyes.

"Costume yourself. Conceal everything well. There is another ball tonight in honour of a newly debuted painter, and we must attend."

Fantastic. Yet another function where you would be on his arm, hang on to his every word, pretend to love him. "Must-"

Nathaniel raises his hand and you flinch. He lowers it, head tilting. "You heard me."

You head up to your chambers in silence.

Your tears flow as you dress yourself as instructed, every puff of makeup lowered to your face doing a terrible job of hiding the marks on your face, the exhausted swell of your eyes.

Fine. Then let him destroy you, Junhui had said bitterly.

He probably already had, you thought. In ways no one would ever see.

───✱.｡:｡✱.:｡✧.｡✰──────✱

"Sir Park!" Court ladies and gentlemen alike hailed your husband as he helped you out of the carriage, painting the picture of a perfect husband. You see your mother, dressed in finery, looking awkward and uncomfortable with the current company. You start excusing yourself to walk to her, but Nathaniel holds you to him, glaring down at you with a fake grin plastered on his face. "What are you doing?" He hisses furiously under his breath.

"I am going to see my mother," You hiss back through gritted teeth, venom in your voice, a sweet smile fixed on your face as if you were exchanging an intimate secret. "Or would you prefer I scream for help, darling?"

He releases you immediately. "Be back swiftly. People will wonder of your whereabouts."

Without responding, you make your way through the crowd, smiling and bowing slightly to the upperclassmen who greet you. When you reach your mother, she visibly relaxes, reaching out to clasp your hand.

"My dear girl," She says, trying to smile. "You seem to have lost weight. Are you well?"

"Very, Mother," You reply, through a fake smile.

Concern shines in her eyes, and she tries to continue. "Daughter. Don't make the same mistakes I did, trying to keep defying your father. There are times where we must step back, and you might find that... life gets easier. The frustration will ease."

Would the frustration and pain of your marriage really fade? Would you, like Junhui insisted, be reduced to a hollow shell, numbed to everything and allow yourself to be treated like an unloved rag doll? Would you, after everything you did to make a woman out of yourself... become a meek and obedient arm candy, the one thing you never wanted to be?

As you pull away from your mother with a quiet excuse, you hear pleasantries being called to a new guest, and you turn to find Junhui, who clearly just entered the ballroom, staring directly at you.

You're not sure if your eyes look imploring enough, but it doesn't seem to work. Junhui turns away, and for the rest of the evening, you do not catch his eye.

───✱.｡:｡✱.:｡✧.｡✰──────✱

1874, September 21st

Days pass and you still play the perfect wife.

The order is exactly the same. You attend balls, play one or two customary pieces for Nathaniel to receive the oohs and ahhs of your talent, and at the end of the night, you return to your great, lonely house and sleep alone.

Soon after you got home from the ball, Nathaniel received an invitation to a business conference with the lords of Sicily. He had, after careful deliberation, decided to bring you.

Fine, you think. At least with the business, he might be too busy to keep you in line all day.

Nathaniel hasn't hit you since that night, but you're constantly on tenterhooks, on edge that his anger might blow once more. It's a ticking time bomb at home, and not much better outside. It isn't as if you have anyone to lament to about your marital troubles.

Your impatience is getting worse day by day. You already know the deal could easily be nullified, with the riches you know your family has received, but your parents still have no intention of setting you free. And so, on a warm Tuesday afternoon, three springtimes after it all started, you make your decision, rash and unchecked.

"I want to leave."

"What?"

"I cannot live like this. Not as your trophy wife. I wasn't born for this."

"And where will you go?" Nathaniel sneers. "Who will have you, a once-married woman?"

"It matters not where I go," You shoot, "You have no business knowing. As long as I am away from you, you asshole!"

"Oh, I would be very entertained," He replies coldly, a mocking smile set upon his hateful face. "I would like to know which man would take in the likes of you, even if you go to Sicily and start anew. Or maybe Sir Wen Junhui has already defiled-"

You slap him hard. He clutches his cheeks, turning red from the impact and from his rage. "You dirty little rat-"

"You are the vermin that thinks that way," You seethe. "You are the problem here. Not me, not Junhui, not my family. This isn't about the deal we made with your father anymore. It is purely because I am a woman that you are behaving this way. If anything is being defiled here, it is my dignity and your reputation."

He scoffs. "And you really believe some good Samaritan will voluntarily take you in and give you a bright future? Even if you believe so, you will end up the same way, in their kitchens, whether in Sicily or anywhere in the world. I am doing you a favour."

He steps closer. "But perhaps you already have someone in mind? ...Sir Wen Junhui, perhaps?"

You narrow your eyes at him. "What's this got to do with him?"

"Oh, you don't fool me," He laughs humourlessly. "You think I never see the way his eyes move to you when you're in the same room? You think I don't notice how you glance at him? And those few moments at the painter's ball last month. Care to explain that, my dear wife?"

"We are not on good terms." You hiss, stepping up to him. "Shame on you that you think otherwise, because there is nothing going on. I am no cheating liar."

"Perhaps not," He muses. "But I would pay good money to see what he thinks of you."

You stand your ground. "I want a divorce. That's all I want. I can return all the money you want to you in due course. Just set me free."

"Let's see what the courts think of that," He challenges, and you clench your teeth, anger overriding you like never before. "Your whole family will crash and burn with you. All because of your erroneous ways."

You stride away from him, out the estate doors, and his condescending, bitter voice resounds in your head, eyes wide in the face of your rebellion. "You don't know men the way you think you do, Y/N. Mark my words. Wen Junhui will not take you in no matter what he says. Women only have one fate, and you sealed it the moment we married."

───✱.｡:｡✱.:｡✧.｡✰──────✱

Junhui opens the door and swears it's deja vu.

Mere weeks ago he did the same thing, only for you to break his heart in a span of a few hours. He surmises that it must be the same situation tonight.

Nevertheless, he opens the door to your panting figure wordlessly and lets you enter. You look sheepish as you adjust your gown, body heaving with the effort it took to run here, but he does nothing.

No, if he gave in and comforted you, he did not think he could risk another heartbreak.

You beat him to it. "I'm sorry I came," You start hesitantly. He stays silent, so you continue.

"Nathaniel, he-"

"Forgive me, but I do not wish to hear details of your marriage. You said it yourself, your life is not my concern." He knows he is being petty, but this was the only way he knew he would not overstep.

"It-"

"What more do you have to say to me?"

You open your mouth to reply, but the bell of his estate rings and you glance at him, petrified. You mouth the words as if the visitor would hear, Nathaniel? His jaw clenches instinctively.

He quickly ushers you into another room, a safe distance from the sitting room where they would still be in earshot. "Stay put," He warns.

He leaves for the main door, and you can hear him exchanging greetings with a man's voice, all too familiar.

It is Nathaniel. You expected it.

"Please, sit. Can I offer you a drink?"

"No need for formality. I am not here as Sir Park's son, but as Y/N's husband."

"...I see. Well, what can I do for you?"

"We are both gentlemen, Sir Wen," You hear your husband say. "Let us get right to the point. You harbour illicit feelings for my wife, do you not?"

"...I'm afraid I don't know what you mean." Junhui's voice has turned cold. Nathaniel should be afraid, but he looks Junhui squarely in the eye.

"I told her this and I'll tell you too, Sir Wen," Your husband's voice is careless, as if he doesn't care what he's saying. "She is mine. And I have rules about the women in my life. They will not look at other men. Their life will change to suit mine. And if anyone tries to defy that, defy me, I will tear them down. You, my dear musician, are no exception."

The room goes silent for a moment. "Well, I am glad we straightened this out." You can practically feel Nathaniel smiling, smug in his arrogance. "Y/N will be heading to Sicily soon, and I must ready our travel plans. Goodness, what a world we live in!"

His footsteps scuff the ground as he gets up, then stop. "This was a nice meeting, but the next time we chat about this, I will not be as friendly." You hear his chair creak. "Well, as you were. Good evening."

"You do not deserve any part of Y/N." Junhui mutters.

"...I'm sorry?"

"I said, you do not deserve her." Junhui repeats, each word firmer than the last. "If you knew her at all, those vile, vulgar words should never have left you. Had you not wed her just for her talent and face value, you would have seen her for who she is -- a strong, talented, and truly selfless woman. She gave up her music, her lifeline, to marry a man she barely knows just for her family's sake. If you ever bothered to observe her beyond your conceited and overbearing ego, you would have found bliss with her by your side."

"...I knew coming to an agreement so quickly was suspicious." YOur husband laughs, slightly cruelly. "And you would know all that of my wife, because?"

"I do not know her as well as I'd like, but I know better than to let go of such a precious being." Junhui's words do not cease, each one hitting home hard. "The innate truth is, neither you nor I deserve her. I will not lie that she showed up at my estate the night you laid your filthy hands on her, and nothing has ever made me angrier. So I swear, from now on, not a single hand will land upon her, or be damned this nation and its money, I will make it my life's duty to ensure you never again see the light of day."

Nathaniel chuckles, as if Junhui's words are but a gust of wind, as insignificant as one raindrop in a thunderstorm. You cannot stay and hear any more of this. So you creep towards the nearest window, ajar to let air in. As you crawl out, careful not to hook the hem of your gown on the hinges, and flee for the back gate, you hear your husband croon. "There must be more than meets the eye, Mr Wen. Although, I hope you know where you stand. Y/N will never belong to you."

───✱.｡:｡✱.:｡✧.｡✰──────✱

1874, September 24th

"Thank you for coming, Mother," You try to smile at her, as she sits across you.

"You have never invited me over before," She says brightly. "What did you seek me out for?"

"I need to tell you something."

"Okay..." She comments, putting her teacup down. "Go on."

"I wish to leave Nathaniel."

"What?" Your mother is beyond alarmed, sitting forward and furrowing her brows. "Daughter, you know--"

"He hits me," You blurt out, and her eyes widen. Perhaps not the most graceful or discreet way to expose your suffering, but to you, there was no nice way to say it, no matter how much it hurt.

"He-- Y/N--"

"And someone else came and saved me. In so many ways, even the ways I did not know I could be saved.”

"Wh-" Your mother looks truly befuddled, and in any other situation, you might have laughed at the astounded look on her face.

"Wen Junhui." You continue blabbering. "He has seen me for who I am, at my best and at my worst, and he... he has healed me. He told me the truth that no one bothered to say, and he taught me that... that my fate is my own. Mother... I do not think I can live by the words of others. I think... I think that would make me miserable beyond belief."

Your mother is silent for what seems like an eternity, and you fiddle with your fingers nervously.

She finally opens her mouth to speak, and your breath catches.

“Of all people,” She murmurs, before giving you a soft smile. “I never would have thought that Mr. Wen would be the one to catch your eye.”

You shake your head in fond exasperation. “Life works in mysterious ways.”

“No.” She disagrees. “It has its own wiles and ways, but everything… everything happens for a reason. We were foolish to try forcing your happiness, weren’t we?”

You shake your head again. “I know you want the best for me.”

“I do, and I am glad you trust that, Daughter,” Your mother says softly, and you look at her, the gentleness of it all making your eyes glass over. “And if the best for you can be found in Mr. Wen…”

She dabs at her eyes carefully to prevent the kohl from running, and shoots a smile at you, genuine and loving. “Who are we to disagree?”

───✱.｡:｡✱.:｡✧.｡✰──────✱

1874, September 27th

"You'll need more coats. Those dresses of yours are so overbearing." Nathaniel comments as your maids fold both of your clothes into trunks.

You grit your teeth but say nothing, as you pick out your jewellery.

"And this," He holds up another gown, one of your personal favourites, a sweet baby-blue confection with small gems sewed meticulously within. "Outrageous. Have it burned, my wife will not be seen in things as skimpy as th-"

"Shut up!" You can't recognise your shout. "Just keep your mouth shut for a moment, won't you?"

He advances upon your retort, eyes glittering. "What did you just say to me?"

"I will not go to Sicily with you." You say resolutely.

He starers at you for a moment, then bursts into laughter. "You? Turning Sicily down? How amusing."

"I'll never go anywhere with you." You snap, backing away. The maids hesitantly put down their work, then proceed to leave the room, leaving just the two of you.

"Don't be ridiculous, wife," Nathaniel says condescendingly. "Sicily would be good for us to start over. Too many nuisances here."

As he laughs and returns to selecting clothes, you scoff. "You're one to talk. You ruined my life, you took everything dear to me away."

He throws down the possessions, a loud shout bouncing off the walls. "Understand one thing. You are nothing, you understand? I could crush you and all that you have under my boot all in a day's work."

You push back, enraged. "Don't you project your emotions and problems on me. Junhui was right. You don't know any part of me. Not what I love, you're nothing that any sane person wants or needs. You're human vitriol."

"Junhui, Junhui, Junhui," Nathaniel sneers. "So you do know he's in love with you. Why else would you allow him to poison your mind? That pest--"

You punch him in the mouth.

You punch your husband, a rich and influential merchant's son, square in the mouth.

Now, you're not a strong woman, and in any fight, you'd be knocked out like a light. But given that Nathaniel did not expect any form of violence or pushback from you, when he was so close to taking you to Sicily permanently, he stumbles back in surprise and clutches his jaw.

Taking advantage of his confusion, you run.

You run and run and run, to the stables, upon a mare, and urge it out towards Junhui's estate.

So you do know he's in love with you.

This was the only time you wanted -- yearned -- to believe Nathaniel Park.

───✱.｡:｡✱.:｡✧.｡✰──────✱

"You must think my home is a vacant shelter," Junhui comments as he lets you in.

He stiffens when you say nothing. "What is going-"

"Junhui." You lock eyes with him, firm and headstrong. "Are you in love with me?"

He stops moving entirely for five moments before chuckling. It sounds so artificial.

"No, that idea is repulsive."

"Junhui-"

"No."

"Junhui." You take his hands and plead. "Tell me the truth, and only the truth. Is it true, that you are in love with me?"

He tries swatting your hands away. "Please stop. Leave."

"I will the second you tell me that you are not in love with me. I will disappear from your sight for the rest of my life, I will leave for Sicily without looking back, and I will never return. Just answer me, just this once. Are you in love with me?"

His resistance snaps as he whirls to you.

"I've been crazy for you the moment I laid eyes on you!" He chokes out, eyes burning with emotion, hands flying to wipe furiously at them. "I couldn't fathom the thought that you hated me from the moment you saw me, goodness knows why, but I figured -- if that was the only way I'd see you for who you were, wild and free and beautiful, instead of the other ladies in court who put up facades to be around me -- I'd take it all. Whatever you gave me, I'd take and play along."

He swallows before he continues. "And yet it wasn't enough. Competing on and off the stage with you. I was in Rome when I received word of your union with that...that monster. I hated myself then. I regretted immensely that I had not asked for your hand before someone else did. I must have been complacent that you would always be around."

"Y-You...you never sought me out." You say softly, stunned at the revelation.

"It was a marriage between a renowned merchant's son and the world's best violinist, celebrated by all... I could not compare. Love would not cut it. Love would never cut it."

You could not help but cup his face, wiping the tears that leaked from his earnest eyes. "I truly believed you would find happiness with that man, treasure. I genuinely wished you well, even if it broke me." He whispers.

"And then you turned up at my gates, with bruises on you and a horrific story to tell," He continues, clenching your hands in his, "Yet I had to watch you, and let you return to that son of a bitch of your own will just so your family could live in peace!"

His body, now racked in sobs, crumples to the ground, bringing you with him as you cradle his head, tears of your own now dripping down your face. "Here you are now, one step away from moving to Sicily as you dreamed, asking me if I am in love with you? My beloved, is that really a question, or simply a confirmation?"

He looks up at you, eyes rimmed in red. "I cannot burden you with my emotions now. Not when you're achieving your dreams. Not when you and yours are suffering under the world's scrutiny. I love you so deeply that I know I cannot do that. If I cave into my emotions... you will be shackled to me, and I cannot have that on my account."

"No." You interrupt. His eyes raise to meet yours, as if in disbelief at what he was hearing.

"I plan to leave Nathaniel. All future plans are gone, and we will not be going to Sicily."

His eyes dilate in shock. The world goes silent, and it's just the two of you.

"I...I spoke to my mother. Way before today. About what you said. A lot of it was what you said." Your voice sounds foreign, so strange to your own ears. "I told her that I would settle the deal and anything we owe in any other way that would not require my happiness as a trade. I told her...I could not bear to let people who did not care if I lived or died dictate how I spend my days. I showed her the wounds he gave me. And I told her how you healed them."

He could not speak, could not move. The fact that you had decided to show your suffering to the one person you did it all for... he did not know whether to praise or cry at your bravery. That you, terrified yet adamant, had made a choice that would finally change the trajectory of your life.

You take a deep breath. Clasp his shaking hands in yours as you find your next sentence.

"You know this. The current divorce bill has always favoured men. In this age, no matter how big I am, no matter how much proof of how awful he is, society will only ever choose him over me. I have every intention to leave that monster, but it will be a tedious, arduous task, and I cannot promise anything out of it -- but what I can promise is that if you want me, you have me. Wholeheartedly, even if hell bestows its wrath upon us, my heart will always be yours. It..."

He waits with bated breath for your next words, his grip on your hand just as unwavering as your will.

"It must have been yours from the moment you pushed me to leave. You were the only one who saw me as anything more than a trophy wife, even with everything I threw your way. I only realised too late... that what I need isn't someone who would speak behind my back, or only support me from the sidelines."

His hands reached up to your face, trembling, cold, so full of emotion he felt like he would combust.

"I need someone like you to stand with me. I need you, Junhui."

It was all he ever wanted to hear. For the longest time, ever since he could remember. Just the thought that you might want him, competitor and all, shakes him to the core.

He grabs you and pulls you to him, hands gripping your waist. Tears form once more in his eyes as he shuts them and presses his mouth firmly to yours, and you can taste the salty tang of them on your tongue as you wrap your hands around his shoulders and tug him towards you. He smothers any remaining space between you -- not that there was much at all -- and wraps his arms wholly around you.

You both enjoy how you mold into each other so, so perfectly -- like a major scale, like a perfect chord, like the coda of your favourite orchestral symphony. One kiss against the next, the tune of your heart swelling into a brilliant crescendo.

You stay like that, lost in the throes of passion, heads tilting to accommodate each other, and when he finally pulls away, leaving you breathless as you meet his eyes, his expression changes into one of such deep love and joy, tears spring into your eyes again.

He draws you into a warm embrace, stroking the back of your head as you find solace in his arms. "Do not weep, treasure. I need you to stay with me, because after all these years of butting heads with each other, you are finally mine."

And as the darkness of the night descends upon the land, neither of you make any move to let go, because Junhui was right.

After all this time, of fighting and being at odds, you were where you really belonged.

With the man whose career you once swore to end, yet the only person who managed to play his way into your heartstrings.

───✱.｡:｡✱.:｡✧.｡✰──────✱

"And you must still leave, because?" Junhui is frowning, evident even with his head down, playing with your fingers. You look at him longingly.

"To finish what I have started, Junhui," You murmur, looking at him. "There is to be a court hearing, and only then will I know if I can leave him."

He only frowns further. "And you will be going alone?"

"My mother will be coming with me. I would need support."

His expression does not relax as you hoped, as he continues, "I presume I cannot go?"

"The court would be even less in my favour if you were to show up. Imagine the scandal it would cause!" You reply, chuckling as you fiddle with the silk material on his waistcoat, soft and fluffy against your rough fingers. "Why? Can't get enough of me already?"

"Shut up," He replies instantly, voice bitter. "If you had just married me before and not bothered with him, you could've avoided all of this."

"It was arranged, you idiot! And I wonder, who was the one who didn't ask for my hand and pined about it on his own?"

"I did not pine!" He defends immediately. "I could have you thrown out for such slander, you know."

"You keep telling yourself that, Junhui," You reply, smiling slightly. "How was I to know you wanted to marry me from the start?"

"You had your head up in your ass, trying to win a competition that didn't exist," He responds without missing a beat, grinning devilishly, and now you were ready to release a string of curses that would make your poor mother weep.

"Listen here, you little-"

He takes your raised fist and holds it easily in his own.

You scowl deeply. "What do you want from me now?"

"I want you to decide for yourself. Go and do what you have to for your own happiness. If you decide you do not want me-"

A slap to his chest leaves him stunned.

"Are you actually lacking in intelligence somewhere up there?" You hum. "You're much more an idiot than I thought."

"What?"

"I spilled all I had in my mind to you, you nincompoop." You mutter. "I want you. I will only want you from here on out. Don't be stupid."

"Do you mean it?"

"That you're stupid? Without a doubt."

"You know what I mean." He holds your gaze. That in itself has you gaping in mock hurt.

"Do you not trust my words in the slightest?" You ask incredulously. "My, what do you think of me?"

He raises his eyebrows. "After the past ten years? You want me to be honest?"

You slap his chest again indignantly and he laughs.

"Junhui," You say, softer than ever before, and he looks back at you, eyes shining. "I mean it all. Down to the last word. Please... believe me."

He'd never heard so much as a request from you, never mind a 'please'.

"I do. Gods... I do. More than anything." He cups your face affectionately, and you melt at the touch. He seems as though he's gearing himself up to say something, and after a few moments, he finally loosens his tongue.

"From now to the end, I will wait. I'll be right here. No matter the number of waltzes and music I must grace this ridiculous society with, you must promise, promise, you will come back for me." He leans into your hold, and the intimacy, the gentleness Nathaniel never once provided, makes you blink back tears.

"I will." You say. No more word play or snarky responses. Your promise hangs between the two of you, strong as the red string of fate shining between your interlinked fingers, bright as the days ahead.

With Junhui by your side.

───✱.｡:｡✱.:｡✧.｡✰──────✱

1875, April 2nd

Resounding applause booms through the concert hall. Junhui takes his final bow as the stage closes. Women were swooning, men applauding the prodigy violinist that finally graced the stage of Jahn's Hall. People waving could be seen wherever Junhui looked.

Show-off, you think to yourself. Yet, your legs betray you, standing up to carry you to the wings of the back-stage.

You handle your gown with ease, your feet carefully navigating through throngs of Junhui's well-wishers, the people manning the operations, all the way to the back where you saw clearly a large crowd forming.

Where the crowd was largest was where Junhui would be.

You pick at the bouquet in your hands in slight hesitation, until a man you recognise from many concert halls catches sight of you and promptly yells, "If it isn't Miss Y/N! Another wonderful musician in our midst! Freshly back from the courts eh?"

You shoot him a small smile and a nod, and he immediately starts elbowing people out of the way. "Out of the way, folks! She must be here for Mr Wen. The rumours are true, so move, fellas!"

Slowly, the crowd dissipates, fading to the sidelines, until Junhui notices the strange crowd movement. He looks up from his conversation with another man, and he freezes in his spot when he sees you.

Heart thumping so loud you can't hear anything else, you raise the bouquet (you searched for the perfect arrangement for almost a week, but you would carry that secret to the grave) and with a smirk on your face, you drawl, "Missed me?"

The crowd bursts into noise, full of clamouring and people shouting. Through it all, you pay them no attention, your focus only on the man in front of you, staring as though he's never seen you before.

Junhui stays stock-still for a few moments. You're starting to think he doesn't want you here.

"I know I did not write to tell you I was returning, but I can explai-"

The greatest violinist of the age strides over to you, captures your face in both his warm hands and kisses you.

You can feel him shaking as he presses himself tightly into your embrace, your foreheads almost touching.

"Seven months," He rasps out, pressing kisses on your mouth between each word. "Seven months and not a word from you. I imagined you'd run off with another man."

"Who else could have infiltrated my mind as you can?" You choke a laugh, reciprocating him with equal fervour. "Day and night, I ached to write to you, but I could not jeopardise my position in the court hearing."

"And what was the outcome?"

"Of what?"

"You know very well what!" He says, drawing away from you but keeping you locked still in his hug. "What of the case?"

You stay silent and his smile fades. "You are frightening me, treasure."

You laugh at that, unable to keep up the facade. "Ruled in my favour. We have signed the separation papers, and I am a free woman."

He shouts out something intelligible, and wraps you up in another bone-crushing hug which you happily return.

"I am glad I kept my promise," You murmur as he sways you around, lost in the joy of you back by his side. You hardly notice the hum of activity as someone ushers the crowd out of the room. "I hate to say this, but it may have been the best decision of my life."

"You say that now, treasure," He teases back before looking at you, puzzled. "What promise? As I recall, you did not write to me at all."

"That I would come back for you," You answer, without missing a beat. "That promise echoed in my head, every single day. When I stood my case, when I went to listen to an orchestra play the first day after learning I'd won. When I hastened my departure and my mother told me to be happy, all I thought of was coming home to you."

He pulls back and looks at you, eyes slightly glassier than they were before, and the brightness in his expression, the love in it, etches itself in your mind permanently.

"And you are home with me now."

"I am."

"You are not leaving me again, treasure. It is an order."

"You sound sappy. Stop that right this second."

"You started it first, darling. Your promise echoed in your head? Really?"

"You're insufferable. I hope you know that."

"Remind me when we marry. You love me anyway."

You sigh, half-helpless and half-fond, and reach up to rake your hands through his hair.

"I do. Gods... I do. More than anything."

───✱.｡:｡✱.:｡✧.｡✰──────✱

1946, November 11th

"Hang that over there, please. Right at the centrepiece of the fireplace."

"Here, madam?"

"Yes. Thank you."

"Treasure, you look at this portrait too many times in a day."

"Be quiet. This was the only good decision you made in our lives."

"You say that now. What of marrying me? Was that not the best thing you did?"

"The worst decision of my life, I can assure you."

"You're a terrible liar."

"I hate you."

"Love you too, treasure."

"..."

"You're smiling."

"I am not!"

"The curve of your lips won't go down. You are not sneaky."

"Shut up. I told you we should go see the classical group before they leave tomorrow."

"Don't distract me. We can look at the picture a little longer. It isn't time to go yet."

"Ah...finally, something good coming out from your mouth."

"The same mouth that kisses y- ow! My face!"

"Not another word!"

"Fine! God, you horrible lady."

"Fine, you wretched man!"

Shaking his head and smiling, the man, much older now, but with the same charming smile and earnest eyes, reaches his arm out to wrap it around his wife, tongue still sharp from their youth, yet still the most beautiful woman he's ever seen. She lets him embrace her, even leaning back semi-reluctantly, to his great amusement.

"Look at that," The lady marvels. "Look how wonderful the artwork is, Junhui. Goodness, I still remember the whole day."

"The best day of my life, treasure," The man responds gently. "I'll never forget."

Snug in each other's arms, the couple looks on, at the memory of their younger selves. The time has come and gone, but the days ahead of them are still as bright, the memory of this portrait just as vivid as ever.

The portrait of a beautiful young woman and a tall, dashing young man, sitting together on their wedding day, arms interlinked and smiles forever etched on their faces. Two violins sit next to each of them, and a small plaque attached below the portrait reads:

"Commissioned: Wen Junhui and Y/N L/N, March 7th 1876."

───✱.｡:｡✱.:｡✧.｡✰──────✱

author's note:

SURPRISE FIC in the middle of “This Summer”!!

i play the violin, so i was veeerrry excited to write one about music!! especially a period romance?? yes pleaaaasee

thank you for reading! 🎻🤍 feedback is always welcome :”)

This is so adorable. I adore Hoshi so much so I loved reading this.

Lost and Found - ksy

⤑ anonymous said: how about a soulmate au with soonyoung where you lost things and it appears in your soulmates room and vice versa? so you can get to know each other through items they’ve lost. can we get lots of fluff after they meet?

⤑ genre: fluff, some angst, soulmate au ⤑ pairing: Soonyoung x Reader ⤑ warning: just a lot of fluffy fluff with a splash of angst ⤑ summary: All your life, items had been disappearing from your room only for strange items to appear. Items that didn’t belong to you. Your grandmother told you the items belonged to your soulmate and that your lost items were in his room. You didn’t believe her until you began noticing all the items that appeared in your room had the same initials on them: S.K. ⤑ word count: 6.6k

listen: ♪ || ♫

a/n: This is such a cute concept! Thank you so much for sending it in! ~K♡

Keep reading

=͟͟͞͞˳˚॰°ₒ৹๐ S.Coups Fics/Drabbles/Blurbs Rec. List [updated: 20/7/2022]

— [♡] ; Heart Out by @dominocheol

Synopsis: Choi Seungcheol is in love with his best friend and roommate. She is the only one who doesn’t know.

— 『••✎••』 ; paring(s): choi seungcheol x reader (pronouns are she/her)

: ̗̀➛ WARNING(S): Implied smut, slight possessive!seungcheol, (a bit of) invasion of privacy

— [♡] ; game day by @escapewriter

Synopsis: jeonghan was successful in getting you out of bed on a tuesday afternoon. what you thought was going to be a simple lunch that he would pay for, was actually a trick to make you finally go see him and the rest of your friends play their first game of the season. of course, the universe always messes with you so here you were at the nurses office with jeonghan’s teammate, treating your hurt ankle.

— 『••✎••』 ; paring(s): soccer player!seungcheol x college student!female reader

: ̗̀➛ WARNING(S): swearing

— [♡] ; stepping up by @whatsk-poppinhomies

— 『••✎••』 ; paring(s): single parent!seungcheol x teacher!reader

: ̗̀➛ WARNING(S): slight angsty themes (mentions of a breakup)

— [♡] ; did you hit me with the confundus charm? by @sbnchaos

Synopsis: in which Choi Seungcheol is confused about three things; how the hell to pass his seventh year of potions, why Professor Malfoy hates him so much (it might be because of how terribly he’s doing in his class) and where your feeling for him stands.

— 『••✎••』 ; paring(s): Gryffindor!seungcheol x slytherin!reader

: ̗̀➛ WARNING(S): none

— [♡] ; 13 reasons why | reason no.1: it has a warm-hearted owner by @lily-blue

Synopsis: your love for each other with Seungcheol comes so naturally, it’s like it’s been there from the beginning

— 『••✎••』 ; paring(s): coffee shop owner!seungcheol & best friend!you

: ̗̀➛ WARNING(S): angst-ish

— [♡] ; dad!seungcheol by @horanghoe

Synopsis: in which seungcheol and you are parents

— 『••✎••』 ; paring(s): dad!seungcheol x fem!reader

: ̗̀➛ WARNING(S): mentions of suggestive jokes

— [♡] ; mafia au!seungcheol by @97-liners

Synopsis: the plan was easy. you would marry the younger choi heir, formally codifying the alliance between your families, then you would join their inner fold and destroy them from the inside out.

pretending to be in love was easy enough. getting seungcheol on board with the alliance was easy enough. convincing everyone that you're just a stupid princess was easy enough. but the only problem is that seungcheol isn't the careless pretty boy you had assumed him to be, and you quickly discover that he's just as cunning as you are.

— 『••✎••』 ; paring(s): mafia!seungcheol x fem!reader

: ̗̀➛ WARNING(S): mafia au, thriller, gratuitous violence and scheming

— [♡] ; the return of supercheol by @serenityseventeen

Synopsis: Choi Seungcheol, well known as the leader of SEVENTEEN, stage name S.Coups, is joining ‘The Return Of Superman’ show with his beautiful two-year-old daughter, Si-Eun. What is it like on the first morning with the new family?

— 『••✎••』 ; paring(s): father!seungcheol x mother!reader

: ̗̀➛ WARNING(S): none

— [♡] ; apologies by @jae-bummer

Synopsis: in which seungcheol tries to impress you

— 『••✎••』 ; paring(s): seungcheol x reader

: ̗̀➛ WARNING(S): none

— [♡] ; read all about it by @deedeekpop

Synopsis: Seungcheol never seems to have much time on his hands, but after he meets you, his schedule suddenly gets a lot freer.

— 『••✎••』 ; paring(s): football player!Seungcheol x journalist!reader [gn reader]

: ̗̀➛ WARNING(S): burnt injuries

— [♡] ; because I love you by @starlightxsvt

Synopsis: harboring feelings for your best friend of years have never been this hard. now, when he shows up with a beautiful girl in his arms you aren't sure how long you can keep your feelings to yourself.

— 『••✎••』 ; paring(s): best friend!seungcheol x female!reader

: ̗̀➛ WARNING(S): cursing, jealousy(lots of it), Halloween party, reader wears a slutty witch outfit, emotional constipation,arguments, crying, heavy makeouts, them both horny.

— [♡] ; 3 dates by @starlightxsvt

Synopsis: after one fateful encounter with him you cannot get him out of your head. so you opt to do some crazy things to catch his attention and even snag a few dates with him. only trouble is he isn't the type to stay after the whole disposition is over.

— 『••✎••』 ; paring(s): badboy!seungcheol x fem!reader

: ̗̀➛ WARNING(S): cursing, mentions of killing, mentions criminal activities, slight violence(non explicit), smoking, ma man Seungcheol ain't your typical badboy, self doubt, blackmailing, reader does all sorts of risky things, blood(nothing explicit), kissing, marking, mature/suggestive themes

— [♡] ; fated by @starlightxsvt

Synopsis: mafia/gang au!seungcheol

— 『••✎••』 ; paring(s): mafia!seungcheol x female reader

: ̗̀➛ WARNING(S): cursing and fighting

— [♡] ; sunrises by @starlightxsvt

Synopsis: in which seungcheol and you are in the midst of a zombie apocalypse

— 『••✎••』 ; paring(s): seungcheol x fem!reader

: ̗̀➛ WARNING(S): zombies and deaths

— [♡] ; fractured parenting by @cafeshuaaa

Synopsis: parenting can be an emotional rollercoaster when you’re far from divorced and the flames are far from dying.

— 『••✎••』 ; paring(s): seungcheol x afab!reader

: ̗̀➛ WARNING(S): mentions of divorce, bullying, food/weight

— [♡] ; me and my husband by @cafeshuaaa

Synopsis: even after marriage, your husband has peculiar habits that catch you off guard.

— 『••✎••』 ; paring(s): vampire!seungcheol x afab!reader

: ̗̀➛ WARNING(S): some blood mentions

— [♡] ; support system by @blu-joons

Synopsis: in which seungcheol is grateful to have you to look out for him

— 『••✎••』 ; paring(s): seungcheol x reader

: ̗̀➛ WARNING(S): none

✶ seventeen when you take your promise ring off during a fight

ft. performance unit

-> vocal unit | hip hop unit

junhui: he only notices it when you start to walk away. there's a lull in the kitchen, the type of weighted silence that lies thick and suffocating in the air, waiting for someone to make the first move. junhui takes the knife and slices. ("we can talk about it tomorrow," he says.) it gives you both time to be angry about it, sleep it off, then apologize. except, he sees the glint of metal rolling around in your fingers, and your still-empty ring finger when you turn around to leave. junhui has always given you time, given you the space to cool off and talk about it next morning, but he feels if he lets you and the ring go to sleep like that—("your ring," junhui calls quietly, his voice almost fragile with the way he speaks it. he hopes it's just a reminder, not a plea.) the band freezes in your fingers before you silently slip it back on.

soonyoung: he goes quiet. arguments with soonyoung are agitated, barely contained words exchanged like the beginning spark of a lit match; it's never loud, always tense, but soonyoung sees the fidgeting slide of your ring on and off your finger and his match snuffs out. his words trail off into nothing but a wisp of smoke, argument dying with it as he silently walks over to you, a careful yet gentle hand on yours. ("stop." it's the ash that falls from the top of burned incense, the soaking of a matchstick in water.) if you held your breath, you'd notice the slight tremble in his hands before your fingers left your ring and entwined with his instead.

minghao: the second you touch the band on your finger, he stops. ("let's talk about it later," he amends, eyes flickering to your hand before looking up at you as a sort of silent mutual understanding, only to find a hard stubborness in your eyes.) to him, the small gesture is a sign that you need time to cool down, to talk about it civily when the fight isn't so fresh in both your minds; to you, the postponing is something he just says. when is later? when will you talk it over again? when will his words mean something more than just pacifying platitudes? ("no," you declare, firmly planted, metal burning. "we need to talk about this now." you need him to understand this, to understand that it's worth it.) and to him, nothing was worth more than you. so he sits down, and you talk it through, and you apologize.

chan: you see the panic fly through his eyes. the ring has always been a comforting presence to you, grounding you when you need it most. but in the midst of a fight, the metal feels too tight around your finger. you needed to feel the skin beneath it again. chan stops mid-speech the moment he sees you pull it off your finger, alarm in his voice when you move to put it on the table. chan says your name like a fraying thread, as if wide eyes and closing distance were the only things he could do to keep it together, to keep you with him. (he looks between you and the ring, panic barely kept within its confines as chan tries not to spiral. "what...what are you..." is all he can manage to get out, words buzzing as they leave his tongue. you pause, startled, following his shaky gaze to the ring between your fingertips, and you breathe out a single noise. "oh.") you're not, you assure him, metal band warm in your palm. you would never. chan doesn't stop looking at you with trembling eyes until he can slide it on your finger himself.

if you come across this post then do read it amazing story

Echoes Within The Heart's Battlefield

Pairing: Seokmin (DK) x Female Reader Genre: Angst, Fluff (SFW) Warnings: Mentions of Child Abuse, Grotesque Description of Murder, anything I have missed and is a TW, lemme know please. I'll update. Word Count: 10.8k+ Master List is here

No dividers, we read like the ancient.

Alpha written, beta read but not theta edited. Excuse the errors.

A.N You will not believe this one fic was birthed because of a single comment I saw by @onlyseokmins. Inspiration runs funny guys.

Downing his fifth shot for the night, he gazed around him as people mixed into the crowd, sweaty bodies on the dance floor, jiving to the rhythm of 'Kokomo’. 

Women glide around the room, attending to sleazy men- men who couldn't keep their hands to themselves, groping what was clearly not theirs.

He wanted to puke in the mouth before he realized no one forced him to be here, this was purely his choice to make ,coming to a hostess bar.

Better yet, he could get into a ton of trouble coming here, going so far as having his contract terminated if anyone finds out an idol from Hybe was present here. His disguise wasn't fooling anyone but he hoped the drunken bodies around him would be too inebriated to care.

His only goal for the night was to pretend this day never existed. 

"Dokyeomah, you are just too sensitive." Sensitive. He hated that word. When did being a little emotional and empathetic deprive him of any choice to make rational decisions ?

His members loved him ,he was quite sure of that, he wouldn't have survived a decade with them had they not. But every so often they keep forgetting that he has grown up after all. He wasn't seventeen any more.

Being a little goofy did not rid him of adult duties and although he knew his hyungs meant it for the best, their constant coddling was getting on his last nerve and he needed to leave that environment.

Which in hindsight proved to be just fine, that's what led him to see you.

You descended down the stairs in a black velvet gown, gloved hands drumming down the railing of the stairway, curls bouncing with every stride you took on your downward descent. He didn't think curly hair would be this sexy on anyone but the way it cascaded down your shoulders all the way to the hip, allured him in. It seemed every curl was hiding a mystery within, winking at him to dare make a move. 

He couldn't take his eyes off you even if he tried, what with your pouty lips, foxy eyelids and freckles- when did freckles become something he simped over? 

As if mocking his decision to approach you, a burly man, quite the hunk of a man if he could lightly put it, walked right in front of his view, placing  an arm around you, whisking you away to the inside quarters.

How could he ever think someone like you would be alone and that he might have a chance? You and that man just made perfect sense together.

Downing his sixth shot for the night, he set to drown out the night forever, hoping the hangover would be so painful that he could wipe you from his memories.

~~~~~~~~

Just another one of those days again. Seriously, Seokmin needs to figure out what was up with his bandmates and their strong belief  about his inability to make up his mind. 

Shua hyung had called him too naive when he had protested against management's refusal to attend his friend's party. 

Ninth year of contract and he still needed several rounds of permission and a clan of men to accompany him to his friend's party , and even with the outright dismissal to attend what would have been a fun night for him, rather than take his side, Shua hyung had sided with his manger on this. Traitor.

"Beomsoo has allegedly been accused of having drugs at his parties Minnie, and going to one such event could have you risking all of our reputations."

Allegedly. 

Everything in the industry was ruined with a mere word of allegedly. Smear campaigns especially against Hybe artists were on the rise and he "should have known better than to think of asking permission to attend Yoo Beomsoo's party."

Having all this aggravation within him but still denied the mere opportunity to drink the night away, Seokmin adorns a baseball cap and joggers, running to 'Cluckingham Bay'- his favorite Fried Chicken place, the one near his apartment. He didn't want to risk going to a bar pulling up for practice the next day hungover. He almost got caught for his last stunt.

Hopefully. he could lose himself in the hustle and bustle of a crowded restaurant all the while eating his heart out and satisfying a part of him by breaking his dietary restrictions. He was too hard on his body anyway. 

The restaurant was far too loud and it could be the sadness that lent to his lack of hunger but the chicken was just not doing it today. The grease from the bone was adding to his queasiness. It seems today's events were far too unsettling that the scrumptious meal in front of him, enough to feed three big men, wasn't doing it for his appetite. 

Not wanting to feel even worse for the food he was eventually going to waste, he paid his bill, making sure to add a huge chunk of tip and sat there opting to stare at the multitude of people coming and going. He didn't miss the tick in the waitress' face at the huge amount of food that they were going to have to waste.

After having wallowed in enough self pity for a whole night's worth, he began to take the long way home, hat pulled all the way up obscuring his face. The restaurant was closing for the night and he had well overstayed his welcome.

~~~~~~~~

He wouldn't have heard it in his usual jovial self but today that sound was unmistakable. A small squeak filtered into his hearing.

His body froze and blood rushed haywire. All of 5'11 and big muscles yet a small rat could have him in a frenzy. This must be his penance for disrespecting his hyungs.  Every nerve in his body stood still and although his brain told him to run, his body couldn't quite process the order. 

It's already way darker than he'd like it to be, save for the light from the nearby lamppost, add a crawling creature to the mix, Seokmin was ready to just die.

After a whole 30 seconds had passed, he couldn't hear the squeak no more. Relieved at the runaway mouse, his body began to unfreeze, preparing to dash home. 

That decision proved futile on hearing the rustle of plastic. 

If he didn't agree that he was a "pabo" as his hyungs believed him to be, he sure did a terrible job of trying to prove them wrong, with the way he was following that sound. He had no idea how, his feet just seemed to carry him through it.

He followed his curiosity and watched as a certain figure sat hunched on their hind legs. With as much stealth he could afford himself, he ambled in the shadows to catch a sight that would forever be ingrained in his brain forever.

~~~~~~~~

It was unmistakably you, your curls that revealed mysteries could not be missed, but were it not for the hair , he wouldn't have realized it's you. There you were, in a ratty baseball shirt and torn jeans-  torn against their will as opposed to the fashion choices they make in their outfits. Your once gloved hands were now shaking in the cold night air and you were holding a chicken bone.

Realization hit him like an ice cold bucket of water on coming to the conclusion that you were feeding into the food he had meticulously thrown out. Scarfing down the meat like this was your first meal in days, huddled near the bin for warmth, you looked gaunt. There were no freckles, no shine in your matted hair and no elegance in your position. 

After your last bite, you stood up, wiped your hands on your pants, put your head into the trash bin (in hopes of catching more food he gathered). Failing to come up with anything, you went your way, the pangs of hunger never having left you.

Gone was the graceful aura, replaced by a picture of frustration and survival. Seokmin felt a pang of sympathy, mingled with confusion. How did someone so ethereal end up here, in such a rough-and-tumble state?

Not able to stomach it anymore, Seokmin bolted home hoping the tears blinding him wouldn't cause him to stumble. 

~~~~~~~~

It is a habit now. What had initially started as means to vent from the heavy exercise his body succumbed to with all the dancing had now moved onto a need. 

The restaurant owner had created a safe spot for him. They knew his specific order and what followed after that. The waitress 'Minari noona' would come in and ask if it was the usual. Upon confirming, he'd gobble down his share of the food, pack up the rest, seclude it in a paper bag he'd begin collecting now, and place it near the exact same spot- by the trash bin. 

He never saw your face after that but he could always tell it was you, owing to your trademarked hair. You'd scamper in, looking sideways, up, down and above?, on seeing nobody around you'd open your paper bag, sitting in the same position- a squat. He loved watching you gnaw on the chicken bone. 

It did sound weird the way he'd phrased that. But watching you savor fried chicken, not wasting a single piece of meat, nibbling on the bone and how you'd pack up the waste and throw it into the dustbin after which you'd wipe your hands on the handkerchief you'd retrieve from your pocket and walk away gave him sense of serenity.

Tonight proved to be no different. His routine was always the same. Walk to the bin, place the paper bag there, go back to the restaurant and stare from the window in his secluded spot, ordering a plate of tea cakes to avoid suspicion.

Except, he was unaware of the figure looming by the bin, eyes covered by a  bandanna. Just as he began to get up from his crouched position on the floor after having placed the bag, he was punched.

Straight on the gut.

"Ooomf- What the f-"

His cry was cut out as a palm was placed against his mouth muffling his screams. The other hand came around his eyes blinding him and Seokmin could feel the cool in their hand. 

He yelped again and this time, the figure climbed on him like a monkey, effectively shutting him down to silence.

He knew he should be scared, but feeling the weight of a human body, he was astounded to realize they weighed so little. Why was a child attacking him?

Struggling beneath them proved useful; one shove in, he managed to tackle them and unveil the bandanna, revealing your furious eyes. What the actual fuck?

Your enraged eyes blazed as you punched him again on the shoulder, your frustration evident. “You!”

Seokmin spluttered “W-wwhat did I do?”

“You’ve been watching me, haven’t you? Stalking me?”

“No, no! I’m not stalking you! I—”

“Then why are you always here? Why do you leave that food?”

“I—I just wanted to help. I thought you might be hungry.”

“Liar! No one is that nice. Well, except for the man who owns the restaurant here. But he said he never placed any paper bags by the bin. Be honest, or I will report you to the cops. I am not afraid of anyone.”

Well shit. He had to think fast! Panicking,he lied.

"Well I used to be hungry too. I know what it’s like to struggle, to not have enough. I’ve been there. I was poor once, and I know how it feels to be in need. I didn’t want you to go through that alone.”

Your eyes looked through him not believing a single word.

Commit to the bit, stare her down!

“Really? You were poor?”

He was not. 

“Yeah. I know it might sound hard to believe, but I’ve been in your shoes. I understand what it’s like to need help, and I just wanted to give back in some way. I’m sorry if it came off as strange.”

Silence.

He was beginning to sweat gratuitously. 

Taking a deep sigh, you looked back up at him, with a huge heart stopping smile? 

Seokmin was doing whiplashes around you, one minute he was awestruck by your gorgeousness, next minute he was dumbfounded because of how cute you were. Your cheeks bunched up and your eyes closed to the intensity of your smile. 

And now you look sad. 

"I am sorry. I will pay you back. Rent has been tight this month , and I-

" No , no no .. hey please none of that. Seriously don't worry about paying me back just-"

Crap what does he say? You were looking at him dubiously. 

"I don't want your pity ---?"

Oh right, she wanted his name, he can't let down his cover-

"Minnie. You can call me Minnie."

"Okay Minnie, I don't need your pity."

 “How about this? Two months from now, we’ll gather in the exact same spot. If you still want to pay me back then, we can talk about it.”

“Two months? Why wait?”

“Just... trust me on this. I’d rather you focus on getting through now. Let’s talk about it then, if you still want to.”

Nodding slowly, “Alright. Two months. Thank you, Minnie.”

“You’re welcome. ”

"Alright then. Do you want to share this with me?"

"Oh no- I couldn't-"

You brought the heat back in your upturned mouth and he didn't want to argue anymore. 

And so, under the moonlight, a friendship was forged between two souls, bound together not by truth but by a shared meal of chicken, fated to find connection amidst a heap of lies.

~~~~~~~~

His once- in- a- fortnight visits turned from once a week , to an almost everyday visit. He knew the effects of having fried chicken daily would wear on his body ,which is why he resorted to spending extra time at the gym.

You both didn't talk much, afraid that if you did secrets would come out in the open. But you both did bask in each other's presence to munch on some chicken and savor each other's serenity in a world of chaos.

You had begun to liven up under his care. He watched with pride as some meat had descended into your cheeks, there was mirth in your eyes and best of all, you weren't looking at him sketchily everytime.

Except today, he was met with a shocker. Your foxy eyes now glaring daggers at him all the while holding up a magazine plastered with his face all over it.

He sighed. It's a miracle he could hold on this long without the truth coming out

“What the hell is this? Who's Dokyeom? Who's DK? Who's Seokmin And who the hell is MINNIE??”

He looked down, guilt-ridden.

“I— I’m sorry. It’s me. I’m Seokmin. I should have told you the truth from the start.”

“You should have? You think hiding behind a fake name is okay? How long were you planning to keep this charade up? And why? What was the point of all this?”

“I didn’t want you to see me as just another idol. I wanted to connect with you as a real person. I thought if I used a different name, we could have something genuine.”

You scoffed . “Genuine? Are you kidding me? You were lying to me this whole time! How can you expect me to believe anything you say now? You’ve been deceiving me from the beginning!”

"Hey you were lying to me too, one minute you were in silks parading around 'Aurora Nights' and now here you are eating from a garbage bin. I kept your secrets too!"

"W-wwhat?"

Did he end up ousting himself?

" I mean I--"

"So this whole thing was a pity party huh? You couldn't afford me then so now you choose to lure me in by buying me food every night in hopes I'd strike up a conversation with you and you could- what? Play knight in shining armor?"

"That's not what I-"

"Cut the lies Dokyeom" 

He missed being called Minnie.

You turn to speed and walk your way but he's way faster. 

Catching you by the elbow, he turns you around and you look at his teary eyes, pleading with you to give him a chance to explain.

"Look I am sorry okay, but please let me explain. Honestly, I never thought the lies would get this far, I- I well I just wanted to buy you dinner, to help. It was never about pity or trying to play some kind of hero."

He wanted to say more, but you didn't look like you needed a lot of explanations. You stared deeply into his eyes as if deciphering what's really going on in there.

Seeing nothing but raw emotion, you shrugged and took his hand, leading him to-

"What's happening? Where are you taking me?"

You turned back with a grin.

"I did offer you a payback didn't I? Well, come over."

He came to an abrupt halt. 

"Listen, I am sorry if you thought you needed to pay me back in any way but I don't want to impose and I am not about that life- I couldn't- I don't want you in that way I-"

He was stuttering but you looked at him with an amused glint in your eye.

"You don't want me in what way?"

" Umm I- crap are you really making me say it?" 

He was blushing furiously, sweating through his shirt.

You let out a big laugh, sort of like a witch and he watched endeared.

"I mean I wanted to pay you back with Wenchang chicken since a quick Google search led me to believe that was your favorite food but if you don't want-

Not letting you finish your sentence, still holding your hand he ran into the night, your loud laughter following him.

~~~~~~~~

Guilt weighed down on Seokmin that he was hiding this from the members. They did tell each other everything after all.

But he couldn't risk a rebuking from Cheol hyung for his night outs or an immediate investigation from Hannie hyung to find out who you were. He didn't want to scare you away. You had just started getting closer to him.

He loved these nights, where you both escaped to the rooftop of the restaurant, ( he realized it was far too risky to continue their rendezvous in a popular hub spot) and dived into the bucketful of fried deliciousness. He's tried to add soju to the mix but you had declined. He remembered that look- a mix of sadness and anger, as if that bottle offended you. He never asked again.

Sometimes he brought you small gifts- a scrunchie - having a noona meant he knew scrunchies were important, so he'd kept one in his pockets just to be of help and sure enough the day arose and he couldn't be happier. A Spotify subscription- rich or poor everyone deserved to hear music uninterrupted he tells you, a cute Sanrio themed wallet- he'd disgruntled at the way you aggressively stuffed your cash in pockets crumbling them up effectively and a pair of fuzzy socks since he'd seen you shiver in the winter air. 

You'd reciprocate in your way- a doodle you'd done of him- he was gobsmacked at your talent, he told you as much, you'd smirk back; a handkerchief that you crocheted , you'd caught him sniffing the night before and wanted something to stop his runny nose; a small coaster for his table- 'when you drink a warm cup of coffee, think of me' - he could never forget you even if he tried.

Each gift was a step toward rebuilding trust.

Gradually you let the other into each others circle, still not offering up really personal information- Seokmin for fear of NDA and you because you were still guarded - but he'd share about his frustrations in dance practice and you'd vent about your day- your work was still a mystery to him, but he could take a wild guess.

~~~~~~~~

Something was off today. He could tell it was. He might have nailed every note in their song, gotten every step right in their choreography, and even received compliments from the manager for his jokes that uplifted everyone , but he could feel it in his bones- something dreadful would happen.

It had been over a week since he last saw you, and although he tried not to be too upset about it, you hadn't agreed to an everyday meetup in the first place. You'd do this often—disappear for weeks and  appear randomly, offering no explanations (not that he'd dare to ask). Your aura screamed "get away from me." He knew he hadn't reached that part of a friendship yet, although his curiosity was piqued.

But today he was getting a certain feeling that shook him to his bones. And he couldn't quite put a finger over it.

He declined the invitation to have drinks with the members, making  up a half cooked lie, bought a few skewers of lamb chops and went to the rooftop of 'Cluckingham Bay'.

It's past two in the morning, the sound of the wind rustling offered him no comfort. Still resistant about going home, hoping against all hopes that you were okay. 

He sent a quick prayer above and ended up dozing off, surrounded by the fuzzy muffler he'd brought to keep him warm.

~~~~~~~~

He woke up to the sight of your eyes, smeared with mascara streaking down your cheeks like dark rivers of terror. You were shaking uncontrollably, as if you were a withered leaf detached from its tree, caught in a relentless storm.

"오이 Oi?"

It was an inside joke that had transpired to him calling you a cucumber when he'd asked you for your name, your reason being that you were 'as tasteless as a cucumber' and although he protested vehemently , you did not succumb and reveal your name, so 'Oi' it is.

It felt like his voice had brought you out of whatever trance it had been in, causing you to jerk and just stare at him.

He was up in no time, a quick glance at his wrist watch had him tell the time as 3:40, shit had he been out of it for so long? and came over to you.

"Hey." He cooed at you. He had a number of questions-where had you been all week? Why had you shown up now, in such a state? What had happened to you? Were you running from someone?

He didn't want to overwhelm you with any questions so he spoke gently, hoping the troubled look from your eyes would disappear.

His gaze fell on you, clad in a satin dress that clung awkwardly at the waist while the hem hung in tatters. A deep gash on your forearm bled freely, and his heart raced with alarm.

First things first, he needed to cover you up. The cold wind had you shivering, your teeth chattering uncontrollably. He wrapped his muffler around you, not met with any resistance.

You welcomed the warmth, relaxing your shoulders at his touch and he had this gentle longing to scoop you up and keep you to himself, sheltering you from the cruel world. Alas there's only so much he can do.

"Come home with me," he pleaded. 

"You can leave whenever but please, it's too cold and you look like you just ran away from someone. I cannot, in good faith, leave you alone here in the dead of the night. "

Someone must have hurt you pretty bad because without any argument, you nodded. He bent down signaling you to get on his back and holding onto your ankles, he carried you down the rooftop.

Somewhere between the short walk, you had fallen asleep, the heavy head resting on his shoulder was proof enough. You looked like you needed the rest, and so he took extra care not to jostle you too much while he took you to his apartment.

~~~~~~~~

He woke up at an odd hour, the uneasiness he was feeling had come down but still not fully placated. 

He moved quietly to the guest room, the weight of his unease pressing down on him, knocking softly on your door, holding his breath, hoping for a sign of life.

Silence. "Well she might still be sleeping" he thought.

Not wanting to disturb your well deserved rest, he began to start the day, opting to text his managers he wouldn't be making it for practice today due to 'unforeseen circumstances'. Hoping that none of his bandmates would come to check on him, he started preparing a heavy breakfast.

You had looked ravenous yesterday and in your exhausted state you had refused to eat anything.

He recalled your eyes watching his every move as he used a warm towel to wipe down the blood and grime on your right arm. He had begun to softly sing, more so to calm him than you. And like a baby your eyes fluttered softly, head jerking with the dire need to sleep. He had tucked you into the sheets, still softly singing, choosing to rub your cheek and lay you on the sheets.

His heart still weighed heavily down on him at the thought of you being so afraid last night. His questions were still unanswered and more were brewing but he supposes today will be the day that changed.

An hour later, still no sign of you. The weird sensation creeped up on him again and in a haste moment of irrational thinking he knocked on the door and opened to reveal- an empty bed.

His noona's clothes he had lent you the night before were folded and placed neatly on the bed with a note.

 A simple "thank you" written in neat cursive.

~~~~~~~~

Seokmin was too angry to come to the restaurant today. Yes, he had assured that you could leave any time you wanted but surely you could wait till the morning? At least have some breakfast?

By evening, his anger had subsided. You must have run after showing a vulnerable side to him and deep down he knew they had crossed a lot of invisible boundaries. Rationality settled within and he made up his mind to visit you. If only you were there.

It seems he'd jumped the gun because there you were, in front of his apartment, bloodied and tattered up. His heart sank.

~~~~~~~~

Shua remembered a young Seokmin, before he became "DK"- wild eyed, heart three sizes too big for him and a voice that could thaw hearts. 

Fans had affectionately dubbed him "Sunshine," and it was a fitting name. There was something irresistible about Seokmin’s unwavering adoration and the way he followed Shua’s every move with a childlike wonder. The term "hyung" from him carried a special kind of reverence, and it was impossible not to be deeply touched by his genuine admiration.

Which is why his recent sketchiness was beginning to scare him. It didn't sound like Seokmin to hide things from Joshua of all people. He had been avoiding their pancake dates, opting to make them at home and bring extras for practice, refused the karaoke machine he had been whining out all year for, choosing to request board games instead? 

And now he watched warily as Seokkie was caught resting on the couch mid practice with a magazine? Since when did he start reading? A non picture book at that?

Quietly, so as to catch him off guard ,he crept up behind and WHAM!

Seokmin shrieked, jumping into the air, animatedly clutching his imaginary pearls.

Seokkie was quick but Joshua was quicker, he caught sight of what he was actually doing- fiddling on his phone- ahh that seemed more like him- but why was he hiding something- w-was he watching- ? 

Gazing down, he saw what Seokkie tried so hard to hide, his Notes revealed- "Freedom Formula: A 10-Step Plan for Her New Life".

Cue an eyebrow raise and Seokkie liquified onto the couch. 

Jeonghan had come in from the recording studio to investigate the shriek.

There were now two of his dearest hyungs looking at him inquisitively, expecting him to open up. He knew this day was coming but he hadn't thought this far ahead on the lies he should be prepared with. 

He avoided confrontation at all costs. Trying the whole pouty lip, big eyes and folded hands didn't work on them, they needed him to spill. 

So spill he did.

~~~~~~~~

"You know we are on the second leg of our contract right? Which means you have every right to date whoever you want it-"

"D-ddate!? W-what do you mean by date?"

Shua hyung spoke first- "Yeah date, young one. What did you think of?

“No, no, that’s not it at all. I mean—who said anything about dating? I don’t like her like that!”

His hyungs shared a look. Oh no, he didn't like where this was going. At all.

Smirking , Jeonghan asked "You sure about that Seokminnie?"

"Yeah-uh!"

“Alright, explain this to me, kiddo. You see a girl eating some chicken, she accuses you of stalking her, and you still persist in pursuing a relationship with her, even offering up your apartment for her to stay over for free?”

Seokmin started blushing furiously “No way! It’s not like that. I’m just—trying to be a nice guy.”

Raising an eyebrow, Shua hyung asked  “A nice guy who suddenly turns into a knight in shining armor over a chicken dinner? You’ve been dodging our pancake dates and offering up your place. If that’s not romantic, I don’t know what is.”

Jeonghan began to snicker “Yeah, Seokkie. You couldn't be more obvious, my child."

Take a defensive stance.

“Seriously, it’s just that she’s been going through a hard time. I didn’t want to make a fuss about it.”

With a teasing smirk that he would love to wipe off Shua hyungs face-“Sure, sure. And I’m guessing you also just happened to have an extra set of sheets and a spare toothbrush ready, just in case she needed a place to stay?”

“Oh, come on. Don’t try to act all nonchalant now. We saw you practically run to the store for those ‘emergency’ snacks and buy extra board games. Was that all part of your ‘nice guy’ routine?” That was Jeonghan.

Seokmin began to groan. "It's not romantic I promise."

Grinning mischievously, Shua butted in “You know, if you were trying to hide something, you’re not doing a very good job. Next time, just tell us if you’ve got a crush. We won’t bite.”

"Its not-"

"Alright, time out! Let's do this the only way we can."

And before he could protest any further, a finger came grasping his chin. His face was tipped forward and suddenly he had an eyeful of Jeonghan hyung right in front of his face. Fifteen seconds of intense stare down and he felt his soul being searched. And from deep within, he felt the secret pop out.

He gasped.

"Victory!" 

"How did you get that out of me? I didn't even know I liked her!"

"Hannie knows best young one"

His new revelation pinned the final nail down.

He was royally and utterly screwed.

~~~~~~~~

"Minnie if you don't sit still! I swear to God."

"I can't help it, the best part is coming, and you are looking out the window."

"Well if you could stop wriggling around so much-"

"Alright! If that gets you to watch the damn TV. Look here I go."

And true to his word, he sat perched up-Minghao-esque meditation style , hands clasped on to his folded calves, anything to get you to watch the damn movie.

He could hear your stifled giggles and he preened. Squinting slightly, he saw you watch in rapt attention at the kiss.

You were blushing slightly, nervously wringing your hands and shifting uncomfortably on the couch.

"If I didn't know any better I would say you act like someone who's never been kissed before."

You glanced over with wide, startled eyes.

"You've- you have never been kissed before?"

"Umm-" You looked everywhere but at him. Did he cross a line?

Well time to change the topic.

"Tentacles"

"Huh?"

It's a given that he loses his mouth to brain filter around you.

"I mean- so when we don't want to talk about a certain topic, we say Tentacles."

"You're a weird man."

Doesn't he know that?

Allie kisses Noah on the screen and he watches dreamily- at you. 

Hoping that one day, he gets to have you with him. To have your heart entrusted to him. To grow old with you. To protect you forever and ever, to not have you running away to wherever you escape to in the middle of the night coming back looking like a rag doll. To hold you close to him and have you look back at him with the same affection he tries to desperately hide around you. To love you and be loved by you. 

He knows the only way you had agreed to stay in his apartment was if he agreed to the promise that he will never fall in love with you.

He knows the only way you had agreed to stay in his apartment was if he agreed to the promise that he will never fall in love with you.

"Wow, fancy bedsheets huh. What happened to keeping it lowkey?"

'I--it's not fancy. They are Eomma's old ones.

'"Are you giving me your mother's used bed sheets Minnie?"

"They are not used I swear! She has too many and she-"

"I am just messing with you Minnie! I don't mind either way, shit's better than I'm used to. But why did you get me these new pajamas? I can see the tags on them so don't try to lie. You messed up the deal man."

"Well I can't have you wearing my noona's pajamas. They don't fit you. Besides, it's just a pair of pajamas."

"That's what you said about the four other pairs. And the watch. And the headset. And the- 

"Look, I have money, it's well established. This is hardly a tear in my pocket. These are basic necessities for you. Let me help you. You can pay me back one day if you want, but for now enjoy all these. The headsets and the watch are freebies from my sponsors. 'Sides, you do help with stuff. You are the bug terminator here and your worth is far more than any paying roommate. So please, don't deny all this"

There comes the smolder.

"Please?"

"Well alright, if it's no trouble to you Minnie. As long as you don't go fallin in love with me ."

"Pshaaaw. As if. You should be careful that you don't fall in love with me. I am the irresistible one."

"Said your mama?"

"I- yes?"

You snorted. 

"Well alright man. I will take the toothbrush and the headset and the pajamas. I don't really need the watch that's too much. Just don't fall in love with me."

“Pinky Promise. Come now let’s spit on it" Your disgusted face added more fodder to his funny ways.

Watching your keen attention on the TV, your gaze holding an innocent awe of wonder at the two people embracing each other in a sweet kiss, your fingers twitching curling up on the arm rest, your right knee bouncing rapidly and your lips coming in a pout, unknowingly mimicking the kiss, he knows he's fucked up. He definitely broke the one promise he made you.

He’s done for.

~~~~~~~~~

His parents found out. They kept bugging about his decision to skip Chuseok despite Pledis clearing their schedules. He couldn't avoid his mother's insistent calls for so long. And so he spilled. Thankfully they were graceful about it. He wanted to cry. Why did he worry about too much in the first place?

Since he couldn't make it home for Chuseok, his family decided to come to his place. This is why he was worried.

He knew so little about you except for the obvious signs that you were lonely. And that you had no family. Or you went no contact.

You were so stubborn about so many things but during movie nights, when it was your turn to choose movies, you'd always go for the family movies. He'd see you shed a tear every time a mother hugged her daughter. Your eyes longingly fleeted to the screen when a baby came on. You giggled at dad jokes. You with all these spikes built up, loved watching wholesome movies. Who'd have thought.

He went out of his way to surprise you with gifts, but the new phone he bought remained unopened. The white dress you had admired during a window-shopping spree with him, intended to make you smile, ended up having the opposite effect from what he had hoped.

You had slammed the door of his room ,causing his phone to clatter to the floor. 

"Seokmin, what the fuck is this?" He knew he was in trouble when he was called Seokmin.

"A dress."

"I know that but why is this on the bed?"

'I thought it would be nice to-"

"You thought what? That you can just buy me whatever and I will stay with you forever? Because the debt will be so high that it will leave me incapable of moving out since I can't afford it?"

"T-that's not-"

"Sure, that's not what you thought. Gosh all you men are the same! Anytime a girl eyes something beautiful you buy it for her making her fall into this false trap and then your true colors come because all men want the same thing!"

"I--"

But you had left slamming the door behind you, leaving the dress still intact by the hanger on his bed.

You came back two days later, with an apology. Ever the soft heart, he took you back dismissing your regrets citing it as his fault for intruding in the first place. No more surprise extravagant gifts for you okay? Except it was not extravagant. It wasn't even designer. But he didn't want to tell you that.

Anything out of the norm, that was not the usual flow of things scared you. He still didn't permit his bandmates to see you, knowing they would scare you away. Or be disdained by Jeonghan hyung who had overheard you screaming at him through the phone when he brought you that dress and had called you an 'ungrateful bitch.'

Which is why he didn't tell you his whole family would be coming over for Chuseok till the last minute.  He knew he was going for the jugular by springing this up on you the last possible second but his mother had pleaded with him to have you there. She wanted to meet you and a desperate part of him wanted exactly that. For his parents to be acquainted with the fireball that had captivated his mind, soul and heart.

As expected, you leaped up in a flurry, hurling curses at him for the last-minute notice (it was the middle of the night). However, what he didn’t anticipate was your obsessive cleaning spree around the house. No spot was left untouched—the kitchen hood, the door knobs, even the toilets were scrubbed to perfection. The shower handles seemed to be gleaming. Although you didn’t run away, your body language made it clear that you were extremely nervous.

Seokmin's family was just like him—warm and welcoming to anyone who accepted their love. As he watched his sister and mother greet you with genuine kindness, his heart felt heavy. His mother had embraced you and gently stroked your cheek, mirroring the affection he often showed. He noticed you excused yourself to the bathroom, claiming you needed to check something. But he saw the tears you tried so hard to blink away.

All because his mother had touched your face. Have you never had a mother?

His sister began to recount embarrassing tales from his childhood which had prompted you to boisterously laugh. Something he rarely saw in you. When his Appa had gently pushed you away from scaling the shelves to reach for the bowl on top, stating 'let me handle it' he had caught you discreetly wiping tears from your eyes again, he had followed you to the balcony when you excused yourself for fresh air.

They had brought out the board games, and his brother-in-law was in his element, trying to outwit everyone in Trivia as he usually does. But this time, he had met his match— you! Seokmin watched with pride as you bested him, word by word, leaving his family astonished. He noticed his dad giving him a subtle nod of approval. It was clear: he had never brought home a girl this smart before.

You'd once confessed embarrassedly you'd never been to college before. He didn't get why that embarrassed you. Only he knows how he managed to graduate high school. But it was obvious you'd have loved to go to college considering how smart you were. You were the equivalent of a human calculator. Shame smart kids like you didn't receive a chance.

Sleeping plans were strange. His apartment had only two rooms ,the guest room that was now yours and his room. His family was expected to stay over at a hotel as prior notice.

But you had refused, called him out on his selfishness for sending his parents someplace else ( not that they protested), insisting that they sleep in your room. He put his foot down when you planned to leave elsewhere for the night. He was not going to let you run away again, under his watch.

So the both of you slept on adjacent couches while he gave up his bedroom to his gloating sister. The next three days passed in a quick blur. You spent every living minute glued to his mother who enjoyed having someone to baby. She taught you how to cook basic dishes, offering you tasting privileges from her fresh batch of kimchi- something his sister and him were denied when they were children. But he didn't mind.

But you didn't need to know that.

Upon complaining to his mother at the unfairness, he had received nothing less than a tut from Eomma eliciting a giggle out of you, something that got his mother and him to share a warm look at.

It's obvious- his whole family had taken an attachment to you.

And so did you.

On the day of their departure you reverted to your old ways, quiet, broody and snapping at him anytime he intruded. He had shrugged it off knowing fully well what the cause behind it was.

He caught you pulling away before his mother could come to hug you goodbye, the hurt evident in both your faces. Thankfully his mother was nothing short of understanding.

After sending them off, he came back upstairs to check on you and found you in his bedroom. With your hands pressed against the window, you stared wistfully at their retreating figures as they got into their car. Your sobs were silent, but your shoulders trembled with each breath

His heart clenched.

~~~~~~~~~

He had grown accustomed to the noise you made around the apartment—clashing pots and pans as you tried out new recipes, or the occasional expletive aimed at the characters in your horror movie marathons (he could never understand why anyone would willingly watch horror movies for fun). But today, the apartment was eerily silent.

You were home because your only pair of sneakers, browned at the edges, were still by the door. How he was itching to buy you a good pair.

Tiptoeing across to your room, he heard you groaning from behind the door. Thinking nothing about it, he hurriedly opened the door to reveal you twisting across the bed, your lovely features twisting in agony.

"Love?"

You looked mildly surprised at seeing him spring upon you but only for a second before your face etched with pain again. He quickly crossed the room over to you, sliding across the bed.

"Hey, tell me what's up. What happened?"

You look back at him tearfully and his heart squeezed painfully. What had happened to you?

Your shy but hesitant approach to answer that it was indeed periods confirmed his suspicions. 

"Would you like a hot bag?"

"What for?"

He hated how everything about your past life was released to him in the most pitiful way. Having a sister and a mother had made him knowledgeable on the subject of periods. He was not shy about this at all.

Calling out a quick five minutes, he runs to his room, changes into his pajamas and rummages through the apartment  whipping up the ultimate care package for you.

He comes back to see you crying real tears, rubbing your stomach with much aggression causing him to watch in sorrow. 

With gentle trepidation he lifts your shirt up, eyes never leaving your pinched face, placing the hot bag right on your tummy , visibly seeing your brows relax. 

"Minnie?"

"Yeah?"

"Could you, could y- umm"

"What is it love?" All this time and you were still shy around him? For what?

You were clenching your eyes, a rosy blush on your cheeks.

"Oi?"

"W-when you placed the bag on my stomach, your hands, they felt nice."

Now it was his turn to blush. 

Yeah he had big hands compared to yours, and they were warm. His previous girlfriends had talked about how soothing his hands were. Very slowly, he reached out to your tummy, unsure about looking into your eyes and began to massage your abdomen.

Very slowly, he watched your eyes flutter shut, dulcified by his gentle touch.

~~~~~~~~~

"Can you tell me a little about your childhood?"

Now where did that come from? It was unchartered territory to trespass into each other's past. 

You hadn't left the house the past few days due to periods and he tried his best to nurse you back to health. He'd never seen periods this intense, you puked every meal up, fainting in the washroom and kitchen scaring him enough to call his mother, who gave him detailed instructions to take care of you.

You dismissed his overly concerns claiming this was the usual for you. How many years had you endured hunger and homelessness bleeding around clutching your stomach in relentless pain?

Today, you had timidly knocked on his bedroom door, carrying snacks and drinks, and asking if he had some free time to spend with you. Little did you know.

He had built a blanket fort in the living room, just like his Appa used to when they were kids, using every throw pillow in the house and draping it with comforters and fluffy blankets. Your eyes lit up.

Nestled among the pillows and surrounded by delicious snacks, he began sharing more stories from his childhood. He watched, captivated, as your eyes followed every word, your giggles and comments adding to the warmth of the moment.

He definitely exaggerated to get a bigger rise from you but could you blame him. Who wouldn't love to hear your little chuckles?

Unbeknownst  to you, sleep had captured you quick enough and soon enough, you were draped across his torso, snoring soundly, He held you tight to him, his heart echoing the battlefield in his mind.

~~~~~~~

As they say the truth does come to light. He can't hide behind his movie dates, the roller skating rink date, the arcade date or the sushi date as mere excuses to introduce you to his world. You have to know that he feels something for you.

It's revealed in a non-climatic manner. You walk into the house one fine morning, after your nightly escapade , surprised to see a slender man perched on the couch expectantly awaiting your arrival.

Yoon Jeonghan. That's who he revealed himself as. You've heard many a story of 'Hannie hyung' but never imagined the same man who was loved so dearly by Seokmin would be sending you a death glare right now.

~~~~~~~

"All I am saying is, this has to stop before it gets too deep."

It's been a half an hour conversation and Minnie was still nowhere in sight. You were beginning to think his 'date with the manager' was a lie. Jeonghan looked devious enough to cook up some shit.

"But he told me that these were all friendly dates."

He gave you good once over. 

"You look like a smart girl. Don't play dumb. Why would a man like Seokmin go out of his way to be this good to a girl he's met once? 

Your heart? Your kindness? You did nothing good for him to show you grace.  An arcade date? A roller skating rink? Why would anyone take you to a roller skating rink in this century? A pet cafe? He's allergic to cats! Be serious. He's in love with you."

Every word he said drew an arrow right into your heart, splitting it open. Seokmin cannot be in love with you. It's not true. Surely not you!

~~~~~~~~~~

Something was up with you. He couldn't quite  place a finger on it. But between the constant dismissals and obvious fake lies, he needed to catch up on what was causing your sudden avoidance. It's like you'd gone three steps back in their now blossoming relationship. You who had finally begun growing out of your shell had gone back to being timid around him.

And so he staged an intervention. Fists curled up against the recliner, you looked anywhere but at him as he interrogated you.

He's tried all tactics and now reached his wits end. You refuse to speak. Gentle coaxing, teasing comments, even staged a whole dramatic fake cry to get you to open up to him. To no such luck.

You kept calling out 'Tentacles' to change the subject but he said by the veto power vested in him, he was overruling your appeal. Don't ask him too much about that. 

"Oi, just tell me. Come on love, we can solve it together."

"Why did you buy food for me?"

He didn't expect that.

"Why did you buy me that dress? Or the watch or the phone or the new pair of shoes? It's not a need now. Why did you do that?"

“And those movie dates. We could always sit here and watch it on your TV. Why did you take me to a pet cafe if you were allergic to cats?

He took a deep breath. 

"You really wanna know?"

Alright here he goes.

"I lo-"

"I am leaving." You jump up from the sofa, running to your room.

His heart is bursting at the seams, aching to confess his feelings to you. He knows nothing is holding him back except for your restraint, but he's determined to overcome that.

'It's too late, Oi. I tried so hard not to fall in love with you, but it's impossible.'

You had already reached the room, but he followed you in.

“I have seen parts of you that you never show out.” “You saw nothing.” He carried on not minding your interruptions, he’s got nothing to lose now.

“I have seen how you give everything you have to someone who’s a little less fortunate. Mingi from the streets, I saw him the other day. He came to thank me for funding his son’s education. Except I never did. You used up all the money you had saved up to spend on a young boy? 

You have next to nothing but you count your blessings well. I have often wondered why you wear nothing more than the same to pairs of outfits when you’d been gifted so much. 

You gave that all away to Hyori ahjumma’s granddaughter. She tattled on you when I went for a late night snack. Everything that is above your dire need is a liability and everything that is a gift is so well secured in your heart, the candy wrapper has seen no better  days than being pressed against your journal. You left it open one day. You are too kind to anyone, you don’t need a reason to, and you expect nothing back. Loving you has healed apart of me- "

"You are out of your mind. You do not love me."

"Please don't tell what I am feeling is not real. Dont rid me of that privilege"

"Well then, you are making a mistake, Seokmin. A grave mistake. Boys like you deserve better than someone like me.

You know if you were to die tomorrow, the whole world would know about it. social media will blow up around the world, fans will be  flocking around this very apartment, grieving your absence and your family will be left in shambles Minnie.

But if I die-."

You began to laugh low.

"If I die, not a mosquito will show up. They won't know I am gone. The hospital will give up my body to be buried but I don't have a plot saved up to lay for eternity, so there I will remain discarded as a carcass. Probably sold to science. This sounds dramatic but I have thought a lot about this you know. That's how worthless I am. In your world of glitz and glam and prosperous family life, I don't fit in. 

You loving me? It's a choice. A choice you have to throw out."

"I won't."

Well then, I am leaving. I am sorry Min, I can't do this. You will get over this. If I stay, I am causing you to make the biggest mistake of your life.

And taking the bag you had packed in a hurry you left the room, and soon the apartment but never his heart. 

His heart kept echoing the beats to the battlefield in his mind.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

It's been six months now. He went through the five stages of grief in quick succession.

Denial: He banished any thoughts put in by his members that you had actually left, still eagerly waiting for you every night during the initial days. He had tried Cluckingham Bay but Jooheon the security hadn't seen any trace of you after you moved in with him. With no legal name or phone number, it was impossible to track you down.

Anger: He went back to drinking his woes away, not minding the shit talking the members did against you. Why try defending you when you never cared about him?

Bargaining: Regret seeped through the pores and his mind would replay back to that awful night. What if he had not confessed. Would you still have stayed? Would you have opened up too? Had he been too rash?

Depression: He found comfort within his home. In the couch you nestled upon, on the bed you rested your cheeks against, in the kitchen you had both cooked pancakes together. Nothing appealed to him to leave his house where he cooped up and wallowed in his misery.

Acceptance: He finally came to the sinking realization that you were never coming back. His worst fears have come to life. You were gone for far too long, out of sight but never out of mind .

But no matter what he tried, he couldn’t bring himself to step inside your room.

~~~~~~~~~~

The days leading up to 'Caratland' had him work up a frenzy. All he ever wanted to do was entertain his fans. But between the tight schedules that caused him to travel between multiple countries, the shoulder ache that kept flaring up and him missing you terribly, he was irritable.

Him crying was unexpected even for him. He knew his fans meant no wrong in booing, they were only teasing him but somewhere deep down, he had been casually hurt.

He couldn't go on like this, grieving a young girl who he was head over heels for. When does the pain subside? When will the tightness in his chest go away? When will the pillow know longer have to endure his tears?

Where were you? Did you die? He realized with a grieving heart that he would indeed never know if you were dead. You were right. Who did you have?

He came home heavy hearted with only one need- to sleep and never wake up.

He comes home to see you sitting there by the front door, hands on your knees, your head heavily resting against the door, your curls cut to chin level framing your cute face, makeup set in place,  freckles back with rosy lips adorning you.

Is this a dream? Was it really you? 

It had truly been too long.

~~~~~~~~~

TW: Grotesque murder talks. Child Abuse. “When I was four, Appa didn’t wake up to send me to school one day. I was confused. That never happens to him. He’s the one to send me off with a hug and a scrumptious packed meal. Thinking nothing of it, I gave him a kiss and went to school. I come home and he's still sleeping. His girlfriend told me he’s ‘tired after taking care of me’.

Worried I was causing him so much stress, I lay next to him , hugged him and went back to sleep. The next day, still no sign of him awaking. His girlfriend refused to budge when I told her we needed to take him to Dr Kim. Three days. Three whole nights I lay with a corpse that was my dad, hugging him to sleep every night and kissing him in the morning. It was my teacher, confused at my gloominess, who had a talk with me alone and called the cops. I had no idea my father was murdered Minnie. For years, I was in the system. I was the youngest orphan out there every year. Do you know how screwed up the system is? You are sent to foster homes, they don’t want you. They want the money the government provided them to take care of you. Except they never take care of you. They stamp on your knuckles if you ask for extras and laugh at you if you demand something. Being adopted would remove all rights for financial compensation so they enjoyed the money, discarded me. At seventeen I ran away. No home, no family and no dreams. Humanity is a joke. I’ve never known a mother’s love, never felt a hug in so long, never experienced kindness at the cost of doing a good deed just because one can. Good things never happen to people like me. We don’t get a chance at love because we are taught we never deserved it. My Appa’s girlfriend once told me, girls who kill their mothers in their womb, deserve no kindness. I was taught that having periods is God’s punishment to me every month, I should bleed to death. Seeing your family show me so much grace has made me feel out of place. For nine months I was there, in Ilsang volunteering at an orphanage. They adopted the last baby there. No more children. A lovely couple took little Eunha in, showing so much compassion to a child with cerebral palsy. 

And then I wondered. When will I get my chance? Do I not deserve good things too? What wrong did I do that my mother died during childbirth and my father was murdered. I deserve none of this self hate. I– I want to know what it is to love. To be loved. And then I thought of you Minnie. You showed me what it is to love someone unconditionally, expecting nothing back. You had no hidden malice. You listened when I vented, offered me solace when I cried and hugged me when I felt lonely. Your mother had no reason to be nice to a stray kid like me, but here she was, making me feel at home. Your noona’s monthly presents to me, your Appa’s kind jokes, your brother in law’s wit, you all took me in. You loved me purely didn’t you? A-and I never thought too much about it but the past few days I have been missing you more than I have allowed myself to feel. I watched Caratland today and I had the wrath to come and thwack each of those Carats who booed at you. I thought, ‘he’s going to come home and cry isn’t he?’ and suddenly, I wanted to be here. I need to be here. I want to be your person. The one you come crying to. Your safe space. You showed me unconditional love and I want to give it right back. To the boy who fed me chicken, housed me and loved me. T-this never happens to me. I never get too attached. But with you, it’s impossible . You are the sun and I orbit around you. So here I am .Asking you for one more chance. To take me in, should you give me the chance. This time, I will stay. I have no reason to run. You had me glued from the first go. I love you Seokmin” “Love I-” “L/N Y/N’”. “Huh?” “It’s Y/N. I figured if we are going to do this, we start the right way. I am Y/N. I don’t want to hide that from you.” You extend an arm out. He caught on to it in a firm grasp, shaking it. “Well Y/Nie I reckon we get into the house first shall we? And then we watch some shit show over a bucket of fried chicken and sleep on it. We have the rest of our lives to talk more don’t we? ” “And by the way Y/N, I love you. Never stopped. You make it impossible not to.” An arm around your back, he whisks you away to his apartment. BONUS

So you remember I once asked and you said you’d never been kissed before? “ I never said anything. Technically” “Yeah not with your mouth but your eyes did the talking.” You were beginning to blush now, nervously cracking your knuckles. “I wanted to change that. Figured we should start somewhere. I am all puckered up now, come here doll gimme some lovin, where my kiss at.” He sent a sleazy wink at you causing you to glare at him in faux disgust. He laughed outright, head thrown back. He loved putting you at ease with jokes like this. “Come here,” he patted his lap. You stood awkwardly in front of him, still unsure how to sit properly. Caressing your back, he slid an arm around, trapping you against his chest.

“Now, do you want to be taught how to kiss?”

A feeble nod. “Yes? Kay, go ahead. Kiss me.” “W-whaat? Just like that?” “Hey, it’s okay, it’s just me . What are you so worried about? I won’t laugh.”

You leaned in, giving him a hesitant smooch on the lips. He started laughing. “You just said you won’t laugh.”

You were indignant, beginning to get up, but he pinned you down. “No wait, I am sorry. Sorry. It’s just that it was so stingy.” “Yeah well, not everyone has experience like you.” “My first kiss ended with me throwing up because the girl had tuna breath. She broke up with me that instant.” “Oh.” “Yeah oh, not every first kiss is perfect. I just want you to take the reins. We do this at your pace. Here, you tell me where do you want to place your hands?” You flitted it through his belt loops gaping at him with round eyes. He had to stifle a laugh. Did you know how adorable you were?

‘Well okay, if that’s what you want. And I will,- yeah I will hold you like this.” He cupped your cheeks, stroking his thumb against your mole. You had closed your eyes, expectantly waiting for a magical moment and he wanted to give it to you but also- He blew into your mouth. Your eyes turned into slits glaring at him with mock anger, causing his giggles to grow louder.

It’s fun teasing you like this.

“If you are not going to mmmff-” He interrupted your sharp chide with a deep kiss, cupping your cheek and pulling you in. Your small gasp was not unheard and he drew you impossibly closer, hands gliding to your ponytail that was holding your short hair back, tugging on the scrunchie, letting his fingers weave through your curls.

You had grown pliant and he took advantage of it, it’s not often he gets you like this, and he planned to take full advantage of this, palm cupping the crown of your head , lulled by your small pants.

The first time he saw you, his heart raced. The next time he saw you his heart stopped. Now every time he has you, his heart echoes the loud clanging in his mind- the sounds of a battlefield. 

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la la lost u | h.js

summary: joshua left you behind for new york,to chase his dreams as a performer.he promised you that long distance would work,but both of you gradually lost yourselves in two different places.

genre: heart-wrenching angst,shua being an fboi,yn being kinda stupid

warnings:swearing,mentions of sexual innuendos,a lot of tears shed

A/N : I strongly suggest you listen to la la lost you by NIKI while reading this.It’s one of my favourite songs at the moment,and the song reminded me of cheol at first,but i decided that writing this about shua would make more sense

While I'm on Sunset, are you on the subway?

While I drive, are you gettin' on the L-train?

You’d always be wondering what would he be doing now.You stayed in Los Angeles,where you both grew up in.You’d experience beautiful sunsets while driving through the city,which you used to do with him.He on the other hand,moved to New York,to chase his dreams.

You were devastated at first,but you couldn’t stop him from leaving,you didn’t want to cut his wings,so you let him go.He dreamt of being a performer,making it big in the entertainment industry,but at what cost?

He’d lose a lot of things,the beautiful sunsets he watched with you,the lively atmosphere which would feel nostalgic to him,and now he’d be taking the L-Train in a busy,gloomy city.You hope he hates it there.

And fuckin' on Brooklyns in Brooklyn

Your Chelseas in Chelsea

Hope that eases the pain, so you remember to miss me

Joshua promised that everything would be fine,he promised that you’d both still be in the loving relationship you both were in.He made so much promises,yet he couldn’t even keep his word to one.

When he first left,everything went fine.There were messages every hour from the both of you,video calls every night filled with giggles and ‘i love yous’.You really thought it would be alright for him to be far away.

He managed to join a company and started to record songs.He’d tell you the progress of everything,when he would start to record the music video,the songs he wrote,and so much more.You enjoyed listening to him,knowing he was happy.

The hole in your heart that he mad when he left was starting to heal,until he tore it all down again.As months went on,the messages started to come mostly from you,and all you got were short replies.

You didn’t make anything of it at first,he was probably busy anwyays you thought.Video calls were only on weekends now,with his excuse that ‘he was getting busier recording songs’,what a liar.

If only you hd put the pieces together quicker,maybe you would have saved yourself from getting hurt.He’d been cheating on you for two months.

He cheated on you with this girl called Vanessa,who the hell even gets his pants tangled with a girl called Vanessa? She was pretty,you’ll admit,but she was such a bitch.Of course she was,she had sex with him!

You found out about them when you were calling with him,he had picked up.You were at home,lying on your bed after a day of attending exhausting classes in university.”Hey Vanessa sweetie” he cassually said.You were not surprised at first,Joshua had always called you sweetie throughout your relationship,but when you replayed what he said in your head again,you started getting suspicious.

“Who is Vanessa and why are you calling her sweetie?” you questioned.He didn’t say anything for a few seconds,he strangely just stayed silent.You were freaking out and thoughts began to race in your head.

Joshua cleared his throught before replying “Oh I just got her name mixed up with yours”.Feeling unsatisfied from his answer and starting to feel angry,you decided to speak again

“You didn’t answer my question,Shua.Who is she?” You pursed your lips and clenched your fists into tight balls.An ache started to form in your stomach as tears welled up in your eyes.

“She’s...she’s no one okay? Don’t worry about it.” Joshua said.He felt nervous,his palms were sweating and heart started racing.He didn’t mean to call you Vanessa,it just...slipped from his mouth.He had contemplated on telling you the truth,but he knew you would erupt if you found out.

“If she was no one,why would you call her sweetie?”

Shit,you put him in a tight spot now.He opened his mouth to say something in return but,his words had failed him.He knew he should have never slept with Vanessa from the start,his moral compass wouldn’t allow that.Joshua sighed,not knowing what to say. He’d just have to come clean.

“I’m sorry.I’m so sorry” he squeaked out.The atmosphere was hushed.He was petrified to know what your reply was.

Everything started to click.The reason he couldn’t text that much,the reason calls were only for weekend,and those short short replies.

He had been cheating on you,and you couldn’t put all the pieces together.Your jaw dropped and your eyebrows raised.The tears that were welled up started to fall freely now,you were crestfallen to see how unloyal he was.

“Sorry doesn’t fix everything you idiot.” you said before hanging up.You curled up into a ball and bawled your eyes out for..god who knows how long? The person you devoted your heart to,your other half, he was just another cassanova.

The worst part was that,he didn’t even try to call you back.

All my demons run wild

All my demons have your smile

In the city of angels, in the city of angels

It had been a month after you ended things with him. It was tough at first,you frequently saw him posting on his social media about how he was still living his normal life even after he tore your heart out.There were photos of Vanessa,which made you even more pissed.

You decided to delete everything that contained him in your phone,you blocked his number,even if your heart felt like it was so wrong to do so,but you couldn’t stay hung up over him forever.

You told your friends what happened between you and Joshua,all of them were super supportive on your side and said that he was stupid for playing with your feelings,but you still felt numb.

Deciding to move on and try to date other people even became a problem because of him.They all reminded you of him.Sometimes it was his hair,his eyes,his laughter,and his smile.

God,whenever you noticed that somebody had the same smile as him,your heart sank.He was so stupid to throw you away just like that,yet he’d still stay in your mind.

Hope New York holds you

Hope it holds you like I do

While my demons stay faithful

In the city of angels

As time passed on,you learned to let go.You started to be a normal person again,the person you were meant to be.You started talking to your friends more,going out more,you were getting back on track again.

While recovering,you managed to bring yourself closer to Wonwoo.He was one of your chilldhood friends who you grew up with,and had always stayed.

Wonwoo is one of the kindest people you know.He was the type of person you could tell anything to,and he would listen.In fact,he was one of the few people who you told first about the breakup.

He had just listened and comforted you with kind words when you broke down telling him what happened.He assured you that you were not the one at fault,and from then on you were always by his side.

You started getting closer to Wonwoo from that day,offering to go out to cafes and have lunch or dinner together whenever there was a little window of time in your schedule.Most of your time was gradually starting to go to Wonwoo..and then you started catching feelings.

Wonwoo had also confessed to you first,it was when you were having lunch together at a small cafe where you lived nearby.You were chewing your food when he suddenly blurted out “I’m in love with you.We should date”

You were surprised at first,but you accepted his offer and from then on,were one strong hell of a couple.

You didn’t expect to get into another relationship affter Joshua,but Wonwoo proved that it was okay to love again.He had got you to heal.Soon after,you fell head over heels for him,and Joshua slipped from your mind.

You unblocked Joshua after some time,you had made peace with what happened.He did follow you on social media again,he even saw your posts with Wonwoo,but he didn’t say anything though.It wasn’t like you were expecting him to.

You learned to close the chapter of Joshua in your life.The chapter had ended,and now there was a new one that began with Wonwoo.

Joshua would just stay as a memory,and you were gonna be fine with it.

cherry blossom | j.wonwoo

synopsis :where wonwoo and you travel back to changwon to experience the cherry blossom festival.

warnings : none

genre : fluff but a tiny little bit of angst

pairing: wonwoo x reader (gn),reader pining after wonwoo

“the weather seems to be lovely today don’t you think?” he asks.his voice held excitement,and his face held a smile when you turned to look at him.he was fastening his seatbelt,then trying to start the engine of the car.unbeknownst to him,even the most mundane things he did caused your poor stomach to erupt with swarms of butterflies and your heart to race for speeds that were unmatched.it was laughable to you.“yeah,i’m excited for the things we’re gonna do once we reach there,”you state.you leaned your head against the soft head rest while stifling a giggle.he turned his head to look and you and raised his brow confused.“well,we do the same things every year,i don’t know how you still have the excitement to do everything,” he sighs.he then lets out a soft laugh while beginning to drive the car.

“well,i’ve missed home a lot.and plus,we get to go the cherry blossom festival again”you excitedly exclaim.wonwoo shaked his head while continuing to laugh,you always were the positive one out of the pair,while wonwoo wasn’t necessarily pessimistic,but he was rather realistic.where were the two of you off to? to the airport about to take a flight to the place where the both of you grew up in,changwon.it was the holidays,so as usual your best friend and you decided to go home after being in seoul studying in university for the majority of the year.

every year changwon also held a cherry blossom festival.it was to celebrate the cherry blossom trees blooming,of course.wonwoo and you made it a tradition to visit the festival every year every since you were in little children.everyone hyped up the blush-coloured petals blooming and falling from those trees with their beliefs that it’ll create romantic or breathtaking scenarios in their life,and you didn’t lie if you wish that could happen to you with wonwoo but sadly your luck was never good.your relationship with wonwoo had always been a weird thing.growing up as best friends,you’ve never believed that you would see wonwoo as someone you’d catch feelings for.it wasn’t until sophomore year of highschool you realised your feelings for the boy,and now you were in your second year of university still lovesick with your bestfriend.

it didn’t help that wonwoo was also being so damn boyfriend material-ish.on days that you were feeling a little bummed,wonwoo would be there to make you a meal so he knew you ate and he’d be the absolute gentlest person while talking to you about your problems and damn,his hugs were heavenly.it was like taking crack but better,not that you have ever done crack though.it’s so annoying how the universe blessed you with practically everyone’s dream boy then you were just…you.deciding to push your thoughts away,you chose to enjoy the car ride.your eyes started to feel tired and flutter,maybe a little nap would help you push your thoughts aside.

wonwoo had been focusing on the road for some time but when he heard soft snoring from his side,he turned to look at you..the expression on your face was so serene, ‘you must’ve been enjoying your nap’ wonwoo thinks to himself.he smiled to himself,you always looked so adorable when you were fast asleep,not that he would ever have the guts tell you though.

the reving of an engine coming to a silence is what brought you to wake up from your nap.your eyes opened to see that you were in the familiar parking lot of the airport.you must’ve already arrived.you turned your view to wonwoo to see him staring back at you.he smiles out of relief and begins,“i was about to wake you up coincidentally,we should get out of the car now.” he said.you stretched your arms before unbuckling the seatbelt.you turned your head to see that wonwoo had already exited the car so you hurriedly followed along.

the car door was shut closed as you brought your feet to the car boot where wonwoo was lifting out your bags,you smiled to yourself and began to help him before he pulled the bags you were gripping out of your hands.wonwoo had simply tsked and said, “you should leave this all to me you know,” you sighed deciding to just follow by what he said, he could be really stubborn at times so it was better to not say anything.

you waited until wonwoo had finished lifting up the bags.once he was,you held a few of them in your hand so he didn’t have to worry about all of them. “you ready to go?” you asked.wonwoo hummed in return and started walking with you trailing behind. wonwoo then looked behind you to make sure that you were following him,he smiled when you looked at him and proceeded to continue walking into the doors of the airport.

“passport?”

“yep,im holding it right in my hand,woo.”

“identification card?”

“in my purse.”

“purse?”

“its right in front of your eyes in my hands jeon wonwoo,stop worrying about me okay?” you exasperated.the both of you were in the plane sitting right next to each other. wonwoo had decided to check if you had everything with you with the reasoning that ‘you were forgetful and tend to let things slip from your mind’.you found it a little endearing but wonwoo could sometimes be a worry wart.wonwoo sighed in return.“okay,i was just scared you’d forget okay?you’re kinda stupid sometimes” he said with a sly smile

“i don’t know if i should be offended when you forgot to bring your own wallet to a café that one time we went out for lunch” you said with a smirk while leaning your head on his shoulder.wonwoo just sighed while opening his mouth to retaliate but was interrupted by the pilot who started speaking over the intercom asking the passengers to prepare for the departure of the aeroplane.wonwoo had slinked his hand over your shoulder and patting it. “we’re gonna need all the rest we can get so we can adventure the city again and see the cherry blossom festival like we always do,get some rest okay?goodnight stupid”he whispered.that made your heart race at the speed of light and your cheeks heat up.you batted your eye at him to see his eyes flutter and his breathing had started to slow down,he was about to sleep.you thanked the world that he didnt get to see you like this.

for now,let’s just focus on enjoying the trip instead of your stupid feelings.

_ @SO0BERCORE ‘S FICS!

A/N:i mayhaps might do a part 2 to this fic,you can lmk if you wanna be tagged! also please let me know what you think of the fic,feedback is appreciated!!

requests are open !

i’ll be opening headcanons,fics,drabbles,timestamps and reactions!

here are the groups i write for

svt,nct ,(all units),exo

i wil only be writing angst and fluff,i will not write anything else!

+ posting, after breaking up w/ svt hhu (texts)

warnings : haha angst… lowkey toxic but it’s for the plot

pairing : hhu!seventeen x fem!reader;

choi seungcheol :

jeon wonwoo :

kim mingyu :

chwe vernon :

thinking of doing this with all units. gotta love me some angst ˙ᵕ˙

please request texts or fake texts, would be more than happy to provide! reblogs, likes, comments are all appreciated deeply, ILY!

©️heavensclqud 2024

Messing Up

Type: angst, mentions of depression, explicit language, based off lyrics from Oliver Tree’s Miracle Man

{Y/N and Jihoon get into a fight and regretful words are said}

[It’s my first time writing a fic in a long time, please excuse me if it sucks, I also had to rewrite it from memory because it accidentally got deleted]

Jihoon often stayed late at the studio with Bumzu these days. You hated always feeling lonely when he was gone but there was nothing you could do besides wait for him. You would leave food out for him and you would wake up to it untouched and a text saying “sorry I already ate with hyung” 

You were starting to think he was avoiding you and using work as the excuse. That was always the thought at the back of your mind these past weeks. You guys were never open to each other like you were when you guys had started dating. Back, then you would tell him all about your “issues” and he would tell you his.

Today you wanted to let it all out, tell him how you’ve been feeling lately and ask him about his feelings too. You didn’t want to feel the way you did when you guys met, you didn’t want to depress yourself with the feelings and emotions of loneliness.

You cooked the last 2 packs of ramen you had and set the table. Then you waited for Jihoon to come home... you waited.... and waited.... and waited.

He usually came home around 6am but it was now 10am, so you decided to text him to check if was coming home at all today.

Y/N: Are you coming home today?

Jihoon: yea i just had sum stuff to work on

Y/N: ok

Ten minutes passed and you heard the door unlock.

“I’m home!” he yelled, usually you would run up and hug him and kiss him and ask him how his day went like you used to some time ago, those hugs and kisses stopped one day and you didn’t know exactly when.

“Can we talk real quick hoonie?” you said forcing yourself to flash an empty smile.

“Sure babe” he said as he showed you his best fake smile. At this point you felt so numb next to him for some reason, he smelled of soju and pizza, you could tell he was a bit tipsy and on edge.

But you could no longer hold back your emotions, as your smile faded you said “Are you avoiding me? Just tell me what you want! Am I not enough for you?!” you weren’t expecting yourself to burst out like that so suddenly.

You could see the anger rise in him. His outbursts weren’t uncommon, they usually happened after he came off of work like today.

You didn’t expect what happened next, then again you don’t exactly blame him for it either. He got up and stormed to the medicine cabinet and grabbed your antidepressants, he held them up and yelled: “FUCKING UP YOUR LIFE, WAS IT ENOUGH FOR YOU??!”.He then violently threw them on the ground, pills scattering across the floor.

You didn’t know what to say, so instead, you smiled calmly, grabbed your phone, purse, and jacket.

“Umm I don’t know what just happened, but it definitely wasn’t what I had expected haha, umm foods on the table. It’s cold. I’m going, I don’t know where. I have to process this, I’ll pick my stuff up later...”

and with that, you left.

Jihoon began to bawl, muffling his sobs through his hands. Left with the memory of his mistake and the look in your eyes when you left. He messed up and all he could think about was how he saw your eyes fall out of love with him as you closed the door.

masterlist

{sorry this is a really bad fic but I had to get my overflowing angsty emotions out}

Where’s The Bed?

Type: Fluff, Couple Au, Drabble, a little angst just a lil

Requested by @nuestro-heaventeen (I tried my best I hope you like it! <3)

{Y/N and Wonwoo move in together}

 You grabbed the last box from the movers truck as Wonwoo paid the movers. You and Wonwoo had been dating 3 years and after a painstakingly long time, he finally agreed. He rejected your offer a year and a half ago to move into your apartment, one because he was gone all the time and there wouldn’t be much use in moving in if he wasn’t there, two because he had grown quite comfortable living with the boys and he thought it’d be a hassle to move his “perfect” gaming setup he had created with Seungcheol.

 After his last promotion, he was the one to bring it up in conversation.

“Would you want to move in with me babe?” he said nonchalantly. 

 You nearly cursed him out for asking such a stupid question. Of freaking course, you wanted to move in with him! This resulted in him trying to cuddle and you playfully refusing but ultimately giving in to his oh so cringy aegyo.

 Now here you two are in a forest of boxes, both utterly confused as to where to start. You both decided to get an apartment together instead of moving into your very small loft. Mainly due to the fact that Wonwoo’s PC system took up too much room and he couldn’t live without it although he was cutting down on gaming.

 You guys unpacked a lot of the boxes that night after the movers left, pushing the rest into what was supposed to become your office space. You ordered some pizza and opted for sleeping on the new couch, not wanting to try and build a bed at 11pm.

 The next morning you woke up to the sound of Wonwoo attempting to cook an omelette, you admit it didn’t seem bad but it looked like scrambled eggs as you looked over his shoulder. You snaked your arms lazily around his waist, he turned to try and kiss you but you quickly stopped that advance.

“I haven’t brushed my teeth baby”

“I don’t care your too cute to not kiss right now.” 

“But you see my lil wonton I care..” you said as you removed yourself to brush your teeth.

 After breakfast, you guys went back to unboxing your belongings. Wonwoo spending an alarming amount of time trying to assemble a comfortable gaming setup, even though you told him many times to do it later. 

 You guys had unpacked all the boxes and there was one very big thing missing from your bedroom. You went up to Wonwoo, who was now sitting in his gaming chair, with a very sarcastic smile.

“Baby where’s the bed?!” you said through your teeth.

“Oh that... Oh yeah, I umm sold it to get money for the new couch,” he said the last part in a fast whisper.

“JEON WONWOO YOU DID WHAT???!!! If you told me you couldn’t pay for it, I-”

“It’s not that I couldn’t pay for it, I just got my paycheck, of course, I could afford it. I just thought that because you always complained that your bed is too small and it always creaked, I could get you and me a comfortable king-sized bed...”

“What??”

“Yeah, y,know I’m pretty well off because of seventeen honey haha.”

*Ding Dong*

“Ahh see that must be the bed people.”

 Wonwoo opened the door. Three people came in with a bed that could barely fit your doorway, they assembled everything and even put some free bedsheets on. You felt kind of terrible for freaking out a bit. 

 He paid them and came back to you face down on the bed like a starfish.

“Comfortable?”

“Yes” you said but it was a bit muffled through the pillows.

 He pushed you to the side so he could slip under you and then laid you back on top of him so that you were now smooshed together. You quickly adjusted yourself so that you were laying side by side looking at each other. You looked up at him with puppy eyes and said,

“I’m sorry...”

“It’s ok baby, I should’ve told you, instead of making you freak out.”

“No, I should’ve listened to you before being dramatic”

 He pulled you closer as you buried your face in his chest.

“You're cute when your mad y,know that?”

“Ugh so lame, I love you though Jeon Wonwoo.” you chuckled.’

 He peppered your face with kisses and you guys relaxed into each other's arms. You wished you could stay like this forever but you were soon interrupted by the doorbell and banging.

“Yaa Wonwoo open up, you took my monitor you snake!! You guys better not be doing the frick frack!!” You guys laughed as Seungcheol yelled through the door.

Masterlist

Wake up

Type: Angst, a bit of Fluff

{Minghao wakes up after a “acquaintances with benefits” encounter with you}

Minghao POV

Something was warming my skin. Not like the warmth, I felt of you last night but rather the heat of the sun. My eyes felt heavy but I forced them open. My vision, clouded, but a few blinks fixed that. 

I was staring at the morning sun through the window, I should be admiring this beautiful view but my mind kept traveling back to last night. Remembering every moment of ecstasy and pleasure, I almost feel guilty.

Guilty for not getting to know you, for us not getting closer beforehand, for not knowing you. But I couldn’t change that now could I?

I turned my back to the sun, my back now feeling the warmth my face felt moments ago.

Now I was facing you and I didn’t care that we were nude, I didn’t feel any compulsion of wanting to relive yesterday like I did as I replayed it before I turned to you. 

Instead, my eyes traced your face, trying to ingrain the memory of every detail of your face into my mind. You weren’t super-model gorgeous, no instead a piece of art and art isn’t always supposed to look beautiful it’s supposed to make you feel something, you made me feel something.

I memorized every wrinkle, acne scar, and pimple. I memorized the way strands of your hair would fall every time you snored. I never considered myself as someone who would fall so quickly in love, I don’t even know if this is “love”. 

I placed my hand on your waist underneath the blanket and moved closer to you. I pulled my other hand from underneath me and began tracing the features of your face, lightly so I don’t wake you up.

From your eyes to your nose to your lips-

I suddenly felt the warmth of the sun again on my face. I held my eyes shut closely hoping it wasn’t as I thought, but sure enough, it was. I desperately tried to fall back asleep and continue that beautiful dream of you.

But no, the dream was over.

You weren’t by my side, I wasn’t tracing your face, my hand wasn't on your waist. Instead, I turned around to my bed empty and my clothes on the floor, and you not in sight. The scent of your perfume still lightly embedded in my furniture.

I heard the door close and I pushed myself to get up even if my body wanted to rest still. I hurried and put on my underwear and shirt, hoping I could catch you before the elevator door closed. 

I ran like hell to try and catch you, almost tripping on my neighbor's package they failed to pick up yesterday afternoon. Just as I got down to the end of the hall the elevator doors were already 3/4 of the way closed but you saw me still and I hoped you would push the button to reopen the door but you didn’t. 

I walked back to my apartment in defeat, mentally hitting myself for not getting your number or not waking up earlier. I sat on my couch ignoring my empty stomach that growled at me, only thinking of you. Just as I was going to try and go back to sleep and dream of you there was a knock on my door. 

I didn’t bother checking the monitor to see who it was, not caring anyways because you were already gone. I opened the door with my head hung low not wanting to see anyone right now. 

“I think I can stay longer... I didn’t think I’d wake you up, sorry.”

My knees went week hearing your voice and I really hoped this wasn’t another dream. That thought was diminished when I looked up and saw you standing there, I fought my every nerve to not hug you. 

“No no I’m just glad you came back..” 

Imagine the boys have been on tour for a few months. Idol!Jihoon hasn’t been able to call you and text are rare. In fact, the last time he texted you was a week ago. You understood, he’s busy but that didn’t change the fact that you felt lonely. You blamed yourself for feeling so entitled to him, for being selfish. You had your doubts, “Maybe he’ll break up with me soon” or “he probably feels burdened by being with me”, all those thoughts came to mind. 

Tonight you were feeling especially doubtful. He was coming home today but unlike on other tours, he didn’t send you a message saying he much he wanted to come home and relax with him and just be with him. Instead, you got a single message, “I’m Sorry”. 

Masterlist