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Leaving the Suit Behind? You Are Invited to Fill Out the Robin Exit Interview

OPEN

That birb looks so happy it's unreal.

Aw, I love this. So sweet of her.

So my Batfamily brain rot is back (not that it ever really left) and I just had a thought like…

If you’re a henchman/criminal in Gotham, seeing your life flash past your eyes is gonna be a somewhat regular occurance but… what if like… the thing that truly made a henchman’s heart fall to his ass was when they hit Robin just a little too hard and this 10 year old kid just starts crying and goes ‘Daaaaaadddd!’

That’s the moment when they truly think they’re going to die because said dad, the kid is calling for is a 6’6 demon from hell who’s all muscle and shadows and vengance and a lot of Gotham still thinks he’s a cryptid

The henchmen all drop their guns and try to calm the kid down but it’s over in 5 seconds flat. Batman breaks several bones before speaking to Robin in the softest voice they’ve ever heard him use and the criminal world, who was already a bit hesitant to fight a kid have even more reason to take it just a little easy on Robin.

And like, I can picture different reactions with every Robin.

Like, for Dick, he’s ten and we all know he was the most violent Robin second only to Damian so maybe when he’s ten or eleven and has calmed down a little, a henchback who still remembers what a little shit he used to be decides to get back at Robin, slips on a pair of brass knuckles and BAM

And then, little Dick just stares for a moment in shock, cheek already starting to bruise, the criminals he’d been fighting all stay still because it was a nasty punch and then…

“Daaaaad!!!” He cries out in a whiny voice that reminds them that Robin really is just a kid and it all clicks into place.

Even Bruce wasn’t expecting that, Dick has just started calling him dad and he still isn’t used to being called that so to hear his kid calling for him in the moment where he is startled and hurt and a little scared… the henchmen don’t even have time to react and they wake up in the hospital with concussions and maybe a few broken bones.

It doesn’t take Dick long to calm down, it was mostly that the hit from a random henchmen really startled him and got him right in the cheekbone. But Bruce still finishes patrol early and Dick still hides under Bruce’s cape all the way to the Batmobile.

Then comes Jason and Jason was such a sweet kid, I headcannon he was the one that called Bruce dad the most often while being Robin. So one night during patrol maybe he finds himself fighting Penguin or Two-Face and it’s been a long night and he has an exam the following day and Bruce is fighting another villain at the other side of the warehouse

The point is, the henchmen and Two-Face start landing hits on eleven year old Jason in his gut and at some point he loses sight of Batman fighting on the other side of the room. Jason gets scared because he’s never really fought without Batman and while he knows that Bruce is still in the warehouse, he can’t see him and the handle of a gun hits the back of his ankle and he falls and he sees Two-Face or Penguin or one of the henchmen getting ready to grab the front of his uniform and beat him up and…

“Daaaaddd!”

The criminals freeze for a moment. They’ve heard the stories of what happened the last time a Robin called scared for dad.

They’re fucked.

They all drop their guns and try to get Jason to calm down, but he’s crying just a little bit and calls again, his voice breaking and despite having been at the other side of the warehouse just a second ago, Bruce somehow drops from the ceiling and it’s over before the criminals can keep pleading with Robin to calm down.

Jason tries to apologize for ‘acting like a baby’ but Bruce is having none of it and carries him back to the Batmobile and Jason is happy to just hide his face in Bruce’s cape because he knows his dad will always be there to save him.

Then comes Tim.

And Tim gets found out while doing reconnisance and somehow he finds himself face to face with Bane who manages to wrench away his bo staff and Tim is just eleven and he is scared because Bane doesn’t look like he’s going to hold back

All Tim knows is that the crack he hears must surely be his ribs either cracking or breaking and he can’t breath and he can only muster enough air for a single word… and he calls for his dad through tears and fear

And at this point… at this point Batman has already lost a Robin, Tim may not be his legally but he is his son just as much as Jason was

Bane spends a month in the ICU

Tim is embarrased that he reacted like that. He thinks it makes him less of a Robin to called scared for Batman… for dad.

So Bruce tells him of the other two times it happened. It’s one of the first times he’s spoken about Jason to Tim so bluntly.

Then comes Stephanie.

Stephanie never calls Bruce dad when she’s Robin. She’s not his daughter and he’s not her dad. They’re not sure what exactly they are to one another.

As far as Bruce knows, Stephanie’s version of Robin never called out to him when she was scared.

What he doesn’t know is that it did happen. Just once

It was the last time she was Robin. When Black Mask had her and she thought she was going to die

At some point while bleeding and feeling nauseous and so scared she could barely hear anything that wasn’t her own heart beating wildly against her chest… she called for dad. Not for Arthur Brown, but for Bruce

Black Mask laughed at her

Stephanie never tells Bruce

And finally… Damian

Now, we know Damian would probably never be startled enough to call for Bruce out of instinct, so I can see 2 scenarios in which this could happen.

First, he sees another kid do it. He sees a kid close to his own age laughing and playing, then tripping and staying quiet for a split second before crying out for mom and dad and he just… assumes that’s something kids do when scared and hurt and startled and does it mostly in an attempt to be a little more ‘normal’

Or, my favorite scenario… he hears of the other times it has happened. He overhears maybe Dick remind Jason of what Bruce did when Jason called out to dad as Robin. Tim maybe jokes that a Robin calling for dad is still the villains’ greatest fear

So Damian stores that knowledge away as a battle strategy just in case he ever needs it… and maybe a small part of him wants to put it to the test, to see if his father would protect him as brutally as he’s protected the Robins before him

So some random night during patrol, he’s up against several henchmen, a few of them grab him from behind, trying to hold him down. Damian is fighting against them when one of them swings a cylinder of metal that Damian thinks might’ve been meant for the plumbing and…

The henchman breaks Damian’s nose, there’s blood dripping down his chin and staining his uniform

Now… it is most certainly not the first time he’s broken something, he’s more than used to the pain, in fact, he barely feels it. However, it gives him a chance to put his little theory to the test

And so Damian allows himself to sound like the ten year old that he is and in a whiny, teary voice, goes… “Babaaaaa!” (Bonus points if it’s the first or second time he’s called Bruce baba instead of father)

What Damian didn’t take into account though, is that Batman and Robin aren’t the only ones on patrol that night. They made a big bust. The biggest part of the operation was over but they were still fighting a few stragglers. The whole fucking family is here.

And they all hear his cry.

Damian doesn’t think he’s ever seen a fight end so quickly. The henchmen only have a split-second of surprise before vanishing, being tackled or shot or having knives buried on their shoulders by his siblings.

The one that actually broke Damian’s nose is being beaten up by Nightwing, Damian doesn’t think he’s ever seen Grayson so angry.

A shadow kneels in front of him, father. Baba. He’s checking Damian and Todd is right at his side, both speaking in hushed tones, checking his injuries and wiping the tears that usually came with a broken nose.

And now… Damian is used to his father and Grayson treating him like a child, trying to be as soft as they can with him. Even Cain does it to some extent.

But… having Drake wrap an arm around him, calling him baby when knocking out one of the criminals that had hurt him ‘that’s my fucking baby brother!’ and continue to hold him later into the night on the couch, having Brown willingly give up all the snacks she keeps in her utility belt and promise to take him to Batburger the following day for milkshakes because he was ‘a champ’. And Thomas wraps his favorite blanket around Damian while they’re fixing him up.

Todd decides to stay the night at the manor. Which he never does. They all decide to spend the night at the manor when Damian still sniffles on the Batmobile and they have breakfast all of them together. Which Damian isn’t sure has ever happened before and Cain gets Alfred to make pancakes with chocolate chips instead of blueberries.

They call him baby in hushed whispers but for once, it doesn’t bother him even though it really should

But most of all, Bruce refuses to let him go for a good five minutes after he first cries for him. Smoothing down his hair and whispering that it’ll be okay and just being soft in a way Damian has never seen before.

He sleeps between his Baba and Grayson and he knows that Todd and Drake and Cain check in on them at least twice in the night for some reason.

And he realizes it’s… it’s nice. Maybe this really could be an effective battle strategy to be employed again someday.

Now that I have somewhat seen the light about Jason not being creative (because of that one post and I’m still in denial), therefore he’s not that creative of a writer, I now need an au where Jason doesn’t die but takes up journalism (still writing and not required to be too creative) because of a brief Lois Lane idolization period, where Tim gets adopted early and becomes Jason’s Jimmy Olsen.

the thing about the bats is that they're never lacking pockets. belt compartment, suit pocket, random reinforced lining in a glove, you name it. they've got a million gadgets and items hidden away on their person at any given time. getting them through a metal detector is a nightmare. and it's not all weapons -- it's weird multi-purpose tools, fear toxin antidotes in little vials, different clips for the grapple lines, etc.

the average person looks at a batkid and thinks they have ten, maybe fifteen items on them max. supers with x-ray or magic see a whole car's worth of items carefully layered under the various armor pieces and belts. and somehow every single bat knows where every single item is at any time. just like their dad <3

dare I say it’s

it’s a

it’s a round

A bird wanted to join the game.

barbara gordon: I hope paul blart just becomes one of those things that just continues to get sequels for absolutely no reason where the sequels try to be bigger than the last and it gets to the point of where they just send him into space.

dick grayson: Paul Blart Mall Cop.

cassandra cain: Paul Blart Mall Cop 2.

jason todd: Paul Blart Mall Cop 3.

stephanie brown: Paul Blart Mall Cop 4: The Final Chapter.

tim drake: Paul Blart Mall Cop 5: A New Beginning.

duke thomas: Paul Blart Mall Cop 6: Blart Lives.

damian wayne: Paul Blart Mall Cop 7: The New Mall.

luke fox: Paul Blart Mall Cop 8: Paul Takes Manhattan.

jean-paul valley: Paul Blart Mall Cop 9: The Final Mall Cop.

bette kane: Blart X.

kate kane: Paul Blart vs. Larry the Cable Guy.

barbara gordon: Paul Blart (2046 Remake).

I mean look at them

i mean…look at them!

THIS!

Robins and Gotham Villains

What if the Robins are each experts on particular Gotham villains? Like Jason was Robin when this villain first showed up or was most active. And Damian was Robin when that villain did. And Tim those villains and Dick these ones. And whenever Bruce fights that particular villain again he tries to partner up with that particular Robin/ex-robin because they know the villain best and can help fight him? And that Robin takes anything that villain does so personally, and feels like they have to take him down? Which Robins would are assigned to which villains?

Sort of based on villain introductions timeline, something like:

Dick: Court of Owls, Scarecrow, Penguin, The Riddler, Mad Hatter, Deadshot, Deathstroke, Firefly, Calendar Man, Dr. Freeze, Simon Hurt, Manbat, Crazy Quilt

Jason: Poison Ivy, League of Assassins , Falcone Crime Family, Black Mask, Ratcatcher, Ventriloquist/Scarface, Deacon Blackfire, Hush, Crazy Quilt, Manbat, Penguin, Two-Face

Tim: Victor Zsasz, Poison Ivy, Bane, Tallyman, Killer Croc, Harley Quinn, Professor Hugo Strange, Anarky, Hush, Cluemaster, Two-Face, Ventriloquist/Scarface

Damian: NoBody, League of Assassins/Leviathan, Court of Owls, Professor Pyg, Simon Hurt, Terminus, Deacon Blackfire

And don’t yell at me about the Batgirls. The Batgirls have their villains too. Batman’s got a Batgirl and Robin for every villain. Like Steph always gets to be on cases with Cluemaster, not that he could stop her.

I did this with a friend over the dining table once during a revision break, the more I went on the greater the look of horror grew 

Me, on a date: So who’s your favorite Robin?

Them: There are multiple Robins?

Me:

Me: *using breadsticks to demonstrate* So this is Dick Grayson. He is the first Robin.

Batboys: Expectations vs Reality

Expectations

Dick Grayson: Golden child

Jason Todd: Bad boy

Tim Drake: Uber nerd

Damian Wayne: Demon spawn

Reality

Dick Grayson: An actual hot mess.

Jason Todd: An actual ball of mush.

Tim Drake: An actual badass

Damian Wayne: Demon spawn

Weekly Caption This: Week 7

Jason: At the end of the day.

Jason:

Dick: ???

Tim: We're waiting for the inspirational quote.

Jason: It's night.

Steph: Wow that's a strong message.

Damian: What The Fuck.

No one's really gonna mention how gender neutral most of the Robin costumes are????? Okay ig

for a sad prompt or idea(if it’s not you’re style or not comfortable you don’t have to do it)

Tim who’s been stressing and stuggling with his place in the batfam after Bruce came back. Like he and Dick never talked about the whole replacing Tim with Damian and calling him crazy. Like Tim who’s tired of being bullied by Damian, called replacement and Pretender by Dick, not getting acknowledged like his brothers by Bruce. Tim just sad realizing no one cares about him and this isn’t home anymore. So he goes back to Drake Manor and no one notices. Like Tim goes back to his empty childhood home sad and something happens and the family realizes that they didn’t treat Tim right and they feel guilty....idk just sum sad Tim and guilty batfam

I hope you like this, I tried my best and ik I kinda did a lazy ending but hey, it's self indulgent.

Tim was getting tired of it all. 

Tim was tired of it all. 

At first, he understood. It can be hard to come into a new setting with a bunch of people you feel the need to compete with, so he understood where Damian was. 

He understood that at times, Dick's humor was weird. He didn't mean anything by it. 

He understood everyone being busy and the entire family being chaos incarnate. 

He didn't understand why he was being ignored. It was like he never existed. His siblings, once loud and inclusive, had now kept to their own groups within the family, none of which included Tim. 

Duke was nice, but it was kind of hard to hang out with someone who was feeling sympathetic for him and his loneliness. It's not pity, he had to remind himself. 

He tried hanging out with them, he really did. He tried to ask Dick about his police work, which ended in Dick being reminded of police paper-work that he had yet to finish. He tried going to Jason only to get a scoff and a 

"yeah right, go bother someone else, replacement."

He didn't want to even bother with Damian, knowing that the boy would just glare at him and insult him. So he went to Cass & Stephanie, who promptly kicked him out because they were having a "private girl moment", aka talking shit about everyone and everything. He didn't have the energy to do that today anyway. 

The next person he went to was Bruce, busy as always. 

"Hey Bruce?"

"Hm?"

"Can you help me with some CEO stuff?"

"......Sorry, Tim. I'm really busy with this paperwork, but I'll help you later, okay?"

".........yeah. Okay."

He would've helped Alfred cook, but that was the only personal time he got away from this mess of a family. Alfred deserved his personal time. 

After about two days of "No, Tim", and "Go away, Tim", or "Sorry, Tim, not right now", he was done. He went upstairs. Grabbed his bags, packed them, and walked down the stairs. 

'This is their last chance,' he thought to himself, walking just a little bit slower in hopes that someone, anyone, would notice and say "Tim, stop!", "Tim, don't leave!", "We love you, Tim!". But alas, no such luck. He reached the front doors without so much as a "Hey!". 

So he left. We walked down the ridiculously long road, down the ridiculously long street, and back to the beginning of his life. His nightmarish, sad, apparently lonely, life. 

Drake Manor. Cold and empty as always, but at least he didn't have to pretend to be alone. He actually was alone, now. Fuck. 

It took two days for Bruce to sit down at dinner and ask, 

"Where's Tim?"

This of course started a panic. Searching the manor from top to bottom, looking around town, asking his school friends about him. Nobody found anything. Just as Jason grabbed his helmet, wanting to go interrogate someone who wouldn't even know where his brother was, Dick's eyebrows shot up and he gasped. 

"What?!"

".....Drake Manor." Bruce nodded sadly, 

"He's probably there. Let's go."

They found him, they talked, Tim yelled, a lot of people cried, and they ended the long night with an even longer hug. They each said they were sorry and Bruce told him he would never be ignored again. 

'That therapy sounds pretty good right about now.' Tim though as he walked back to Wayne Manor, family surrounding him on all sides. 

So at work the other day, the manager on duty, a coworker, and I were talking comics. Batman and Robin popped into the conversation. My coworker was like “Which Robin?” and I have never felt so giddy over a conversation at work before😂

This is a tall order but since youre the batclan expert can you find every instance of the batkids calling each other brothers and sisters? Trying to prove a point

and this isn’t even HALF of the ones i have saved

Four Calling Birds. In this particular case, Robins.