Ricky Rants - Tumblr Posts
Is it easier to be manipulated and know that it’s happening but still fall into the hole, or not know you’re being manipulated?
There something bittersweet about realizing that you’re just a chain connecting people together. That you won’t be needed by them once they click. That you’re only there to start the ball rolling, but once it’s rolling, you’re not needed anymore. Your job is done and you can move on. Wether you want to or not. And life goes on.
Do people realize that some people don’t actually want glasses?
I have glasses, and I need them for driving and work, but most of the time I’d rather not see clearly. I am so used to everything being fuzzy, that wearing my glasses is overstimulating. I feel like I’m seeing too much and too little at the same time, like I’m wearing blinders.
I don’t know if anyone else feels that way but it’s certainly interesting.
The most frustrating thing is when you get an idea for something, but don’t have the skills to make the thing.
I have a really cool game idea, and I’ve mapped everything out, but I have no fucking clue how to code. My brother has coded before, but it’s gonna take forever to get to level we plan for this game. Forever is not a good amount of time for my stupid ADHD brain.
It’s sort of like the game of Life and the Sims but also a lesson in common courtesy cuz the complete disregard people have for that just grates on my nerves.
I have so many thoughts and entire timelines for this already ughhhh
Also just about every person in the game will be an actual other player cuz I think that would be cool.
Fake grass is awful. I get that it’s nice if people don’t want to pay to upkeep their musty dusty yellow stuff we call lawns in the desert, but the artificial turf of an unnatural color does NOT help when having a derealization episode. Feels like I’m in a liminal space type game, and not in a fun way.
It’s also fookin HOT in the sun.
Hate when people are like “stop rolling up your sleeves, you’re just trying to show off”
First of all: fuck you, it’s hot out.
Second of all: DUH! I worked hard on these muscles and I’m damn well gonna show them off!
Third of all: ever heard of a thing called fashion?
Hate being reminded of things I can no longer do. My younger sister is at the stage where she’s reading multiple books a day now, and everyone is like “hey remember when you did that??” I DO I FUCKIN DO AND I WISH I COULD STILL DO IT BUT I HAVENT BEEN ABLE TO FOR OVER TWO YEARS NOW DUE TO FOCUS ISSUES AND IT FUCKIN HURTS I DONT NEED TO BE REMINDED OF IT
I don’t need a reminder
“So what do you like doing? What are your hobbies?”
Me: reading, writing, drawing… (the same answer I’ve had for years)
“Oh really! What do you like reading?”
Me: *sweats nervously in hasn’t read an actual book in over a year and I sure as hell am not saying fanfics* uh, you know, I like Percy Jackson?
Why do they never ask about the writing bit???
Really love the fact that it takes me like 5 seconds to realize the hot glue is burning me/s
Really hate that I’m so number blind/memory bad that I don’t even trust a calculator without quadruple checking. And even then I’m not sure it’s right
Had church today. The pastor said “God loves the gay people” and the church was DEAD SILENT.
The pastor went on the say how God loves the liars and the thieves (he obviously meant that being gay is wrong which whatever. I’m gay. It’s not. Blah blah I could talk about that later) and people cheered.
It was only for the gay people that it was dead silent. Rubbed me the wrong fucking way I’ll tell you that.
The Mask Collection
Ricky/The Masks: called as such due to sliding into place alongside the Main. Everyone treats the name Ricky as if it is the name of the ship (like calling us the crew of Ricky) and everyone will respond to said name.
🖤🎧Shawn (they/he): The Main/Base. The life of the ship a la TARDIS. 18+ and the doer of everyday things. #shawn says, shawn draws
🌻🎮 Ozzy (he/him): The Copilot. Usually the one in the chair. Protective, passionate. Enjoys being spooky and horror things. Will rp as The Author if asked. #oz talks (old sign off was 🌻🖋️)
🩺🥼Doc (he/him): Always at front during injuries and other emergencies, but usually chills nearby the rest of the time. Possibly the oldest. Parent vibes. Caretaker and Crisis Mode holder. #doc is in
🎙️🩸Iz/Host (he/they) The Observer. A real critical smartass when he actually talks. Dude calm down. Speaks for Artie. Is basically The Host and will also rp. #host speaks
🫥🎩Orro (any): The Detached. The most separated from reality. Was originally Show Mode before passing it on to Bo. Derealization holder. #orro speaks
🐇🎭Bo (they/them): The Entertainer. Very emotional and bad at articulating. Is called the entertainer due to only appearing when the situation is overwhelming. Current Show Mode holder. #bo says boo
🐾👑Artie (he/him): The Smol. Doesn’t speak, very affectionate though. Loves animals. Based off the King of the Squirrels.
👥🔗Twins (they/he): The Hyperactive Librarians. Will talk your ear off the second they get the go ahead. Keeper of knowledge and random facts. Autism+ADHD holder.
🪓🪵Logan (he/him): don’t ask me why he’s here. I don’t know. He’s just chilling with the Doc and probably won’t drive. Will probably update this later. #fucker with claws, Lo says hello
⚫️👁️Void (he/they/it): Is just kind of there. Imagine a gentle parental shadow who will randomly say “good job” and pat you on the head.
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Collective tags
#ricky rambles/rants/writes (all of which will be used by everyone when the situation calls for it)
#mask talks is the tag specifically for talking about the masks.
I don’t know if I’m a system, or if I just really want to rp with one specific guy who won’t shut the f up, or what. Cuz like, we’re a whole, but at the same time everyone picked a piece out of the original to embrace and embody. And why is it easier to talk as someone else who isn’t wholly there but is definitely a feeling and has an equally similar yet separate personality? I don’t think giving everyone names/name placeholders helped very much in figuring this out :/
I cannot watch TikToks of Karen’s with Iz taking co-pilot anymore. He’s fucking quick to rage. You’d think Ozzy would be rage-y cuz he’s based off Author but nooooo. Host is a vindictive petty violent sonuvabitch. Like jeez dude, calm down. Boutta climb through the phone to beat up some people just stop
Dreams, visions, whatever the fuck, get me off this FUCKING RIDE!!!!!!!
Every time I feel like I figure something out about myself, I see something, or think of something, and doubt myself. Feel fake.
I call them masks because if I “become” one of them it’s easier to deal with certain situations.
Sometimes I feel more like one of them than myself. Like I’m on autopilot and someone else is driving, but I’m still the one giving directions, having taken the role of copilot instead.
Sometimes it’s more like a very intense feeling about something I normally wouldn’t feel that intensely about.
A few are only very rarely “out” (like crisis mode man) and sometimes I feel like I make them up.
None of them really have voices. I don’t hear them so much as I feel them. I feel like I’m faking or trying to be something we’re actually not.
Does anyone else feel like this?
Fucking sucks loving horror games and wanting to play horror games but having a bad heart and feeling like shit after every jumpscare.
Brain says it’s Thursday (its fawking Monday???) and I’m on waiting/panic mode but WE DON’T HAVE ANYTHING ON THURSDAYS?!! Why is this happening???