Ranting - Tumblr Posts

Okay, my sister just walked in on me scrolling on tumblr point five seconds after I opened tumblr, after the one and a half hour session of studying. How????? How tf does she manage???????? How is it always on my like three minute break that all my family members decide to come into my room???????? What can I do to prevent this??? Does this paradox have a name????????????

The audacity of this webbed site to advertise "Monopoly Go" to me.

1. Advertisers and those who concoct them in their black laboratories should hunted down and biblically sorted.

2. Monopoly sucks so much it's hard to even describe - the epitome of a random number generator game. The decisions one makes, even in its original, intended form, are so hamstrung as to be nonexistent. I could fend one human against three dice rolling bingo machines and the human would win about 1 in 4 times.

3. How is it possible that the most anti-capitalist board game on the planet not made by a 24-year-old from a Seattle commune has become synonymous with multimedia advertisement? I can go out and buy Star Wars monopoly, Pokémon monopoly, Monopoly Monopoly, there's a monopoly where you're allowed to cheat, there's one where you can spend $300 dollars for bespoke monopoly, and in a cruel twist of irony, there's even socialist monopoly. The game isn't even good! Who the fuck is playing this much monopoly?

4. I wanna touch back on 1. again, fuck advertisers. If you make corporate advertisements for a living it's on SIGHT.

5. I will bite you like a dog or other lesser beast

6. Monopoly as a game should not exist. If Hasbro goes under I will dance on the grave of brightly colored money and shitty tin hats.

Halloween Shopping

Work does dress-up nights every month, and this months is Halloween themed, so I bought my costume(s) today.  They were cheap, and consist mostly of wings and a very short rag skirt, but I can make the rest up from my wardrobe anyway.  So, win, I think :)

The thing that confused and scared me was the Christmas stuff.  The sheer amount of it that is out in the shops already is ridiculous.  IT IS OCTOBER.  There are over 9 weeks until Christmas.  Enough already, people.  It is one day, do not drag it out for months on end.

Odd Things To Happen At Work # 7

Ok, so I get that I look foreign.  After several people - including my colleages for some time - refusing to believe that I am, in fact, English, I understand that I look Mediterranean.  Spanish, most people seem to think.  That doesn't explain why last weekend a guy - who had already asked me once if I was Spanish and been told no - insisted on attempting to order from me in Spanish.  I don't speak any Spanish beyond 'si' and 'ocho', but I don't need to know more to know that whatever he was saying, it wasn't Spanish.  Gibberish maybe.  Certainly not any language spoken by any other person on the planet.

He did this twice before resorting to pointing at what he wanted.

The thing that really confused me though, was that he was English.  Why didn't he just talk to me like a normal person?

Work was not worth getting up for.  If the people who came in today are representative of the population as a whole, then shoot me now, cus I don't want to live on this planet any more.

Reflecting on 2021

Hey Ya’ll,

Not gonna lie...I am so happy that 2021 is over. Apart from the pandemic, there was a bunch of other stuff that happened in my personal life that I wish didn’t. I know I’m, definitely, not the only person who, unfortunately, relates to this. These past few years have reinforced the fact that we can’t control every single event that happens in our lives. The most we can do is the best we can to get by. 

I shed a lot of (unhappy) tears during 2021. I got my heart broken multiple times. I compared myself and my life a lot to my peers. I, often, felt as if I was living in a different timeline than some people. While I was watching other people reaching all of these incredible milestones (e.g., getting a new job, being promoted, becoming homeowners, finding romantic partners, getting engaged,  etc.) I, constantly, felt like I was just stuck. My mental health deteriorated. I neglected and lost myself. I felt like a complete loser in comparison to my peers. I also felt very jealous and, at times, bitter. I really longed for something incredible to happen to me as well. But, it just felt like one let down after another. The worst part is, I barely had time to breathe before the next negative thing happened. I was a wreck, basically...and not a lot of the people in my life even knew this. The ones who did were only aware of what I told them. I, often, left out details from my venting sessions because I was afraid it would be too much and they wouldn’t understand. So, they did not know the full extent of what I was experiencing.

This past week, I have been doing some reflecting on the past year as a whole. I, ultimately, decided that I never want to feel the way I felt last year ever again. That was the lowest I have ever been and just the thought of ever getting to that point again makes me nauseous.

Last night, I spent some time creating a vision board of how I want my 2022 to look like. I have never made a vision board before, but I have made new year’s resolutions in the past. Though...I have yet to actually accomplish any of the resolutions I have set during my 25 years on this earth thus far. Since I’m more of a visual person, I figured that a vision board would be an effective way to supplement my new year’s resolutions/goals/intentions (whatever you prefer to call them) for this year. I ended up creating mine on Canva. I then saved the document as a JPEG file and made the image my desktop wallpaper. That way, every time I open my computer to do homework, send emails, watch Netflix, etc, I am reminded of everything I want to accomplish for myself.

I know that there are a lot of changes I’m going to have to make in order to stay consistent with my goals this year. I’m fully prepared to make them. I’m not sure what it is, but I really have a feeling that this year is going to be different. And no, I’m not jinxing myself by saying that. I’m setting my intention for the life I want this year and putting it out into the universe to help manifest this. I know intention is not enough, but it is an important step in my pursuit of having a much better year in comparison to 2021 and having the best year I’ve had in a long time.

So, with that...here’s to a (for the most part) fresh start. I’m wishing a thriving year filled with many positive experiences and less tears for all of us. If your 2021 was actually a a positive year, then I wish you another positive year. I think we all deserve more happiness and less negativity, trauma and tragedy. 

Though, as I stated previously, you can’t control every single event that occurs in your life. So, additionally, I want to reiterate the following; do the best you can to get by. Even if it’s just waking up and getting out of bed, that is enough. You are always enough.

I’m really looking forward to how this year progresses for all of us. If you have also set any goals/intentions for yourself, I hope you accomplish them. 

Stay safe friends :) 

13 May 2022

My dog died 2 days ago and I’m still heartbroken.

Honestly, it feels so surreal knowing that I’m never going to see her again. 

I’ll never hear her barking at the birds whenever they’re hanging out on the lawn or at whatever neighbor’s cat that’s strolling along our fence.

When I step inside my house, I’m never going to see her rushing over to greet me. 

I’m never going to be able to take her on walks again.

Or pet her.

Or see her lie down by my feet in my room, while I’m watching tv or playing video games or doing homework.

I’m never going to be able to take her hiking like I had always wanted to, but never found the time to (now I’m really wish I had...)

It probably seems silly to some people to be feeling so emotional over a dog, but she wasn’t just a dog. She was basically family. She joined my family when when she was just a few weeks old. We basically raised her and I had some milestone years with her as well. To top it all off, she was going to turn 11 years old this month...

I know bigger dogs don’t live as long as smaller dogs, but I was really hoping I had at least a couple more years with her. With me moving back to my family home, since I graduate soon, I was looking forward to being home more often. Instead of having to go back and forth between two cities because of work and school.

I feel so bad because I feel like I didn’t have enough time with her. Like I said, the past few years, I was not consistently with her because of work and school. 

Now she’s gone and I’m never going to get that lost time back.

Im scrolling down on tumblr and i see a tails x reader fic from this creator and im like ok this looks lke something im intrested in 😶 cause i like platonic tails fic and i dont mind romantic ones too lol. But then i saw it was smut they aged him up and wrote smut about him. isn't he like 8 in the series (correct me if im wrong) but am i the only one that finds it mad weird to post smut about a minor. am i the only one who finds it so fucking weird . To me he is a literlly child i am fully against aging up minors just to write smut 🤨

Im sorry im just here to talk about it. People in the comments were all for it. idk this is my opinion

👀idk what i just wrote just ranting (pls correct me if i am wrong

I think telling individuals who like to regularly post pornographic content to go fuck themselves may not be the wisest thing to request.

Genuinely, to all those purposefully spamming their pornographic content in the asexual tags (without warning/content labels)....

Go fuck yourself?...I usually hate being one of those people who post things like this. But just...fuck you? What is your problem

this rambling is brought to you by adderall and a long car ride ™️ if i was gonna spend time with ateez just like casually this is what i'd want to do- 'star what started this ?' asked nobody but i'll tell anyways :

the song hoochie mama started playing and

MINGI, i am introducing that man to Hoochie Mama and Scrub Da Ground, we will be shmoking and making tiktok's that will never see the light of day until we wear ourselves out and pass out on the floor with a gerbil we somehow acquired

YUNHO, teach me how to play games that aren't plants vs zombies and super mario bros please and thx i'll give you a shoulder rub in return 🙏 he can play on my nintendo DS while i snuggle in his lap omg i just fainted

SEONGHWA, IM PLAYING WITH THIS MANS HAIR. self care and legos. is it predictable ? yeah but it's real asf that's why. i feel like puzzles too, but i would get bored after doing the border and end up koala hugging onto his back while he finished it

YEOSANG my buff fairy boy, i will work out with him no matter what KQ has to say abt it 🙄 i can teach him wrestling moves and nibble on his arms- WOAH WHO SAID THAT OMG

i want to watch classic comedies or cult classics with JONGHO, i had a dream once of watching Little Shop of Horrors with him and it's happening !!! i don't care what y'all say this man has an elite sense of humor and would be cracking jokes until our bellys hurt from laughing

buff fairy boy #2, SAN, he looks so fucking comfy i just wanna face plant into him and stay there fr. cuddles. he can even name one of my plushies 🙂‍↕️ i feel like he would also be good to talk about childhood memories and just reminisce

me and WOOYOUNG in one room would result in chaos no matter what we planned on doing so i'd say just hanging out. my gf says that me and wooyo are very similar and GURL... i won't go into details but we'd be having a sass-off until hongjoong had to break it up and then we'd sass some more cause we liked it 😓 we can cook together and fill the place with our witch laughs

SPEAKING OF HONGJOONG OMG HEY HUUUUUUSBAND LET ME RANT FOR A HOT MIN. he's so kewl i think i would simply just sit and watch him do whatever and be over the moon but more specifically i want to make a short film with him. both of us are very creative and i feel like it would be so much fun even if it was never posted anywhere. and holy shit the amount of times i've imagined listening to Preachers Daughter by Ethel Cain with him and letting him hold me while i cry and then he writes a song about it and we get married and have babies OMG WHO IS SAYING THAAAAAG 😦😦 we can get a home in nebraska at the edge of town and dance with the windows open (ethel cain reference anyone ? she's my favorite artist besides ateez) anywhoooo

Real.

(warning: dsaf spoilers)

as a fictionkin of henry miller from dsaf I get kind of scared saying I'm a fictionkin of him, as he is probably the fandom's least favorite character and is generally a horrible person. he's manipulated people, killed, lied, given lobotomies to dave + removed his organs, hell, I can give you a list of his crimes. (serial murder, mutilation, physical and psychological abuse, unethical experimentation, torture, arson, corruption, assault, sabotage, physical and psychological abuse, etc.) but like.. pls don't harass me for being a fictionkin of him guys I didn't ask for this :((

"problematic" fictionkins don't have to live every second in shame about whatever they did. they can have fun and be happy with themselves too

dsaf is actually rotting my brain this is becoming a problem

ok so im listening to mumford and sons rn trying to work on homework

AND EVERY FUCKING SONG REMINDS ME OF DSAF

so please take what i relate every song in sigh no more to (spoiler warning. like really big spoiler warning.) oh theres a lot of text here too. read under the cut at your own risk 🤷‍♂️

sigh no more - dsaf 3 good ending, last goodbyes from jack. why does this song make me sad

the cave - also dsaf 3 good route but like the entire thing. ive analyzed the lyrics to this song so much its not even funny "so come out of your cave walking on your hands, and see the world hanging upside down" is literally so davetrap coded to me.

winter winds - FLIPSIDE DAVESPORT!!!!!!! this is self explanatory im pretty sure but uhm. dave dealing with learning to love properly

roll away your stone - dsaf 3 evil route!!! woo. this song to me describes jack's slow acceptance of henry's influence ("and darkness is a harsh term, don't you think? yet it dominates the things i see") and davetrap's trust of jack leading up to his demise ("don't leave me alone at this time, for i'm afraid of what i will discover inside", "and you, you've gone too far this time, you have no reason nor rhyme, with which to take this soul that is so rightfully mine")

white blank page - reality dave's feelings towards jack, the obsession. three cheers for toxic zombie yaoi!! anyways this song is rlly good at portraying that for me. "you desired my attention, but denied my affections, my affections, so tell me now, where was my fault in loving you with my whole heart?" ITS SO DAVE CODED.

i gave you all - henry's major influence of how dave turned out and how davetrap's relationship with legacy reminds him of henry. trust me on this one guys.

little lion man - jack and dave's relationship to me, how jack (imo) will lash out say things he doesn't mean ("i really fucked it up this time, didn't i, my dear?") self explanatory enough.

timshel - THE KENNEDY FAMILY!!! this is so the kenendy siblings to me. theyre all different and yeah they have their fights but they stick together ("and you are not alone in this, as brothers we will stand, and hold your hand") i feel like the first verse is more dee-coded to me- "and death is at your doorstep, and it will steal your innocence"

thistle & weeds - MY FAVORITE!!! anyways uhm. dsaf 3 for SURE. more good route to me. jack sort of being torn between what to choose, the flipside crew advising him what to do ("but plant your hope with good seeds, don't cover yourself with thistle and weeds" (thistle and weeds implying henry here)) etc etc. but also dave in a way?? like how jack could leave him ("alone in the wind and the rain, you left me, it's getting dark, darling, too dark to see, and i'm on my knees, and your faith in shreds, it seems", "i know you have felt much more love than you've shown")

awake my soul - flipside davesport to me. again. im so normal abt them. sort of like jack teaching dave what a healthy relationship is like ig

dust bowl dance - dave. definitely dave. listen to the song and you'll see why tbh.

after the storm - post dsaf 3 good ending!!!! with also hints of thoughts back to the henry fight ("and i took you by the hand and we stood tall and remembered our own land, what we lived for")

woo!!! that was a lot of typing. thank you for taking the time to read this im very normal abt mumford and sons and dsaf

I'm keeping the Sekai the same: Cabin Sekai. It's a snowy cabin with a cozy interior that incorporates places of comfort from the members' lives.

Just saw someone on Quora saying that there weren't any queer figures in the American Revolution, and oh mah GAWD I yapped on for so long that my phone gained 67% more battery in that time.

Me and mah lil ol' yassified Steuben pfp yapped about lams and all the other ga-*GUYS for so, so so long😭

Anyways, tags go brr.

*burr

okay okay okay von steuben questions - errrr off the top of my head

he got kicked out of prussia (prussian army) for being gay? i know that's a fact but i don't know details :p

and benjamin franklin... he denied the gay allegations or just graciously ignored them while recommending steuben to washington? i feel like these two facts lack clarity and would love to know more about steuben in the military in general.

i know he was awesome (i read this somewhere, i think it was lafayette's bio - that he would get mad and ask his aides to swear at the soldiers for him lmao)

sorry for the... rambly ask. i'll also definitely be checking out your book recommendations!!!

AAAAAAA YAYAYAYAYAA OKIE!!!!

1. Well, yes and no! He was kicked out of the Prussian army originally because Frederick the Great was cutting down his staff, like, a lot, and Von Steuben initially wasn't KICKED OUT, although he was demoted DRASTICALLY, And was in a regiment he used to command. Count Von Anhalt, who was chief of staff at the time, had beef with Steuben for, like, no reason, and so they allegedly duelled, according to some biographers, though we lack evidence. After the duel, however, Von Anhalt completely removed Steuben from the Prussian army! Thanks to his "very close friend", (wink wink lover) Prince Henry III/ Heinrich III of Prussia, Henry recommended Steuben to a major duchess, and Steuben actually lived in Prussia for 10 more years!! He served a minor role in the court of Hohenzollern-Hechigen, and got Azor during that time! Azor Azor Azor we love Azor. He probably, like, found Azor as a stray or something, and went "oo pretty dawg you're never gonna be hungry again let's get a bedazzled collar on you and now you're a poor aristocrat like me yay" or something like that. That was really off topic actually, continuing. While he served in the court of Hohenzollern-Hechigen, rumors about his sexuality and his relationship with other men spread like wildfire, mostly behind his back. Frederick the Great didn't mind that much, however, being homosexual himself. But the people were incredibly loud about their opinions, and it was clear something had to be done. In the summer of 1777, Von Steuben visited Paris to see his friend, Comte de Saint-Germaine. (Who I think is actually so awesome but that's another story for another time.) While he was visiting Saint-Germaine, Pierre Caron de Beaumarchais and Silas Deane scouted him and we're like "Yoo, you're so cool, wanna get a job with us?" And he was like "nah lol America sounds boring as heck." And then Franklin was like "yo I'm with them and istg it's so cool and I'm like famous so join me" and Von Steuben was like "ERM no I don't wanna hear anything else about this murica I'm going back to Germany" and so he did, and... Uh oh. The second he returns, it turns out while he was gone, an anonymous letter was submitted to the courts, and the princes of Hohenzollern-Hechigen, claiming that Steuben had "taken liberties with young boys", which is an EXTREMELY controversial sentence in the amrev community. They were accusing him of being a p3d0phile, basically, specifically attracted to young boys.... Supposedly? There are many interpretations. I personally believe the letter referred to men around 18 years old, considering Von Steuben's relationship with men around that age later. There has never been any evidence that Von Steuben was a pedophile, though there definitely is evidence he was homosexual, or queer at the very least. Frederick the Great didn't find any evidence he was attracted to children, either, though allegedly did officially exile the baron for charges of homosexuality, which was a federal crime, only 5 days after he returned to Prussia. Von Steuben, now broke and with nowhere to go, returned to Paris and was like "Hey Franklin, about that offer, I could use it right now" and Franklin was like "YEAHHH BOI" And so they met up at a bath house, a place homosexual men commonly met to... H**k up, and a place Von Steuben was DEFINITELY familiar with. Franklin thought everything was looking good, and the group agreed that he'd be a great general for Valley Forge. Right before they sent him, however, they found out that he was attracted to men... THE NEXT PART GOES FOR QUESTION 2 TEEHEE

So... Yeah! Details! Yeah, he was pretty much kicked out for being gay :c

2. FRANKLIN'S RESPONSE WJOWJSJSJS

Franklin, Deane, and Beaumarchais... Honestly didn't care. Beaumarchais himself was pansexual, Deane was an ally and honestly indifferent, and Franklin was a MAJOR ally, some sites even saying he was queer himself, though I, as always, lack evidence. The group actually rushed to send him to America quicker, after finding out that... By law, Von Steuben was to be prosecuted wherever he went, as long as they could find him, and he was still in Europe. That was a thing... Yup... So they basically rushed him over so he wasn't hung or something, yay!! Franklin then wrote a flowery letter to George Washington basically saying "hey man I'm sending this really cool Prussian, he was a general, an aide to the king, and allat." Von Steuben was NOT a general in Prussia, and that was likely something Franklin made up to try to make up for the damage done to Von Steuben's reputation. From what we know, it was likely that Washington actually knew Von Steuben was homosexual before he arrived, but also couldn't care less.

So, that probably makes sense, but if it doesn't, I'm 100% here to clarify, I'm so sorry I ramble a lot.

(as a wise redditor once said, "he doesn't have to BE straight, he just has to shoot straight" man, I love military redditors during pride month.)

3. Yup yup!

Von Steuben actually didn't know much English! He DEFINITELY got, like, scarily and aggressively angry, and would call over his aides, mostly his lovers actually, because his lovers served as his aides-de-camps as Frederick taught him to do, okay I'm rambling sorry, but he would say "My dear Du Ponceau/Walker, please come swear for me in English. These fellows won't do what I bid them to!"

Von Steuben would get, like, ANGRY angry, and they'd usually have to calm him down after a while :P

Du Ponceau, aide and (lover?) to the baron, said that the soldiers would laugh out loud when they heard Du Ponceau translate all these scandalous words in his calm and reserved voice.

... I'm an extremely hardcore Steuponceau shipper btw so I hope this isn't biased but it might be😬

Von Steuben also had an extremely eclectic personality and was a genuinely funny guy, even when he was simultaneously being a big scary drillmaster/inspector general.

OKAY SO UH FIRST OFF TYSMMMM FOR THE QUESTIONS AAAA I LOVE YAPPING, I HOPE YOU ENJOYED AN EVEN MORE RAMBLY ANSWER!!! IF YOU NEED ME TO DO A SECOND ONE ON SPECIFICALLY THE COOL STUFF HE DID IN AMERICA, I 100% WILL, OR IF YOU NEED ME TO CLARIFY ANYTHING OR MAKE IT CLEARER, I 1000000% WILL!

Also EEEEEEEEEEE THE BOOK RECS YAYAYAYAY :OOOO TY!?!?!! (I wasn't loved as a child in case it wasn't obvious :>>>>>)

A small rant

I hate how right-wingers try to excuse spreading hateful or ignorant ideas as "just a joke" or "I'm just asking questions". Like they somehow think that jokes or questions cannot be rhetorical.

It's like some people think that ideas just don't affect the real world in any tangible form. Like they are just having a purely theoretical conversation that effects nobody at all.

People on the right need to realize that rhetoric is very capable of inspiring violence. Saying shit like "trans people are groomers" is the kind of shit that gets trans people killed.

And public figures who advocate hateful rhetoric will always try to distance themselves from the consequences of their words, saying shit like "I never said I condone violence", even when violence is the natural logical conclusion of their words. Yall cannot act like implying that Jews run the world is not a call to action to commit violence against them, that is pure bullshit.

I hate how behind everyone else i am. My first test is in two weeks and I don't have any grasp on the material. I haven't even taken enough credits to be considered in my second year of college and all I've been doing this whole time is rotting in bed on my computer. I should have a job I should be taking more classes I should have Hobbies I should have more friends I should go out and see the world. I hate where I am and the trajectory I have.

My stupid fucking chronic major depressive disorder is MEDICATION RESISTANT so it seems like me cycling between hypo and hyperarousal in how much I feel my emotions is just going to be the rest of my existence

Here is a WIP sketch for my own project, "Colorful Shadows."

The background is a pain for me to get done, but so far, I'm pretty proud of how this is coming along!

This project is helping me learn how to draw new things, like cats for example.🐈‍⬛️

Back in August of 2023, I was actually going to be a web comic artist instead of being an artist here on Tumblr

I have always loved Halloween and scary stories about vampires, ghosts, and werewolves. So this comic was going to be called "A Twisted Tail" and it was going to be about a 13 year old girl who goes out Trick or Treating for the last time before she was too old to go.

She would take a short cut through the woods and step into a fairy ring, which would send her to a world full of monsters. So she pretends to be a real witch as she meets and befriends many different creatures as she tries to figure out a way to get back home. I could not find any sketches or finished drawings of her friends she would meet, but from what I can remember she was going to meet a spider/human hybrid and a vampire

(I don't remember what their names would have been)

This story meant a lot to me when it was first created, and it still does, but now it has broken apart and has helped form two separate stories now.

Which one of the stories happens to be "Colorful Shadows" and the other is still in the making! I hope to have the second story and it's characters completed by October.

Anyway, I just wanted to bring some light to one of my old projects before it becomes forgotten in the mountain of other drawings 😅