Original Writings - Tumblr Posts

Sometimes I wonder,

if I ever stop trying,

will we still talk?

-katie, 09:00

if i pass away,

my pen will mourn me longer

than my friends will ever do in a lifetime

it will sit cold on my study table,

its own bereavement fester

with the lifeless body buried somewhere

reeking of lost poetry

an ocean of mystery that seems

unsolvable now that the lead vanished

like smoke

it will try to recollect the words

it used to scribble

and the emotions they carry

it will marvel at the depth of the scars

that resonate on the seemingly flawless pieces,

how many times in a day did i survive

the pangs before i decided the culmination

of a barren life

such a tragedy that it could only lie there

thinking of the past as its yearning

to be held burns with the candlestick

-mourn me longer,

katie, 16th of July 2021, 16:45

When I opened up about

my depression, my ex boyfriend

told me to get an exorcism

Yeah, if I remember it now

I can only laugh

and at the same time,

feel aghast at the ignorance

not just of my ex boyfriend

but of everyone else

who could not stop

the stigma that if you're

depressed, it's probably

because

you don't pray enough

that's why your mind

is so messed up like

paint splatters

Here's the thing, I pray

more than I should

kneel, hands clasped

tightly together as though

my whole life depends on

how firm my fingers could hold

on to one another, lips trembling,

trying to mumble pleas of guidance

to the Almighty, over and over

until I am certain that I am heard

Don't get me wrong, I don't doubt

His divine providence, but just as my anxiety

makes me go back to make

sure I left the door locked, I pray

five times a day to be sure my cries

reach the heavens

I pray harder than anyone I've ever

come across because I don't

wanna lose any chance to be cured

But then the demons still loom

inside my head, they managed

to make it their kingdom

You know one time, I was talking

to a dear friend and he told me,

"it's all in the mind"

My whole being sighed as I tried

to break free from the clutches,

the hands pushing my head deep

into the water, it's all in the mind,

my emotions aren't real

and if I could just snap out of it

then everything would be smooth

sailing, I am just sad

but my mind tends to intensify

that sadness, I overthink every

single thing even the ones I can't

control, and most often than not,

the sinking feeling leads me

to the decision that I am worthless

Grab a razor, a pin, a pair of scissors

anything sharp enough to cut

through my flesh so I could

bleed the negativities out

It's all in the mind, I try to

incorporate it in my mantra

However, just like the prayers

I say five time a day,

it does not work its magic trick on me

They told me I am merely an attention seeker

I am young and always in need of validation

That I always magnify my emotions

to their extremities

So I pull the sleeve of my cardigan

to cover the razor cuts, put on

a smile, okay I look dreadfully fine

The teacher calls me out, "sweetie

isn't it a little hot to be wearing

a cardigan?"

I tell her I am feverish as I feel

sweat dripping at my back

She'll leave me alone

like all of those who are

scared to meet me in the eye

but ended up judging me

I hear too many whispers

behind me, I say I don't mind

but I do, who wouldn't?

I just wish I could run

somewhere or could

disappear before the

stories catch up with me

My mother said I should ignore

people's opinion

for they don't define me, I do

But mama, the words crawl

on my bedroom wall, their

venom stain the pictures hanging,

the curtain, the floor

The noise becomes louder

drowning my heatbeat,

I put a hand over my chest,

It's time to pray again

I pray, pray harder than I used to

Beseech the heavens

to calm the waves devouring me

I repeat the mantra, seventy-seven times

It's all in the mind but the agony

is the realest I've ever felt in this life

I pull my cardigan, I can't bear to see

the cuts this time

I've been addicted long enough

to the sticky blood gushing

It's useless, for the real wound

is invisible

It's invisible

yet mighty enough to shrink

me into an insignificant mess

They all advised me to open up

so I can breathe

But, when I opened up about

my depression, my ex boyfriend

told me to get an exorcism

I am glad I didn't

-when i wore a cardigan at the height of summer, katie

image: https://id.pinterest.com/pin/730849845781054640/

Refuge Flashback.

Part One.

! THIS IS NOT CONSIDERED PART TWO! THIS IS A FLASHBACK FOR CONTEXT! PART TWO IS UNDER DEVELOPMENT !

In Refuge, a bit of the past was referenced a bit, so consider this a flashback or prequel. And God, it's quite long.

TW - Swearing, wounds, bruises and bleeding, abuse

Summary - Supervillain was angry at Villain for failing a mission, and decided they needed to be taught the difficult way. When Hero overheard about this and got worried, they decided to save Villain, no matter the cost.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

A Few Months Ago. . .

“You failed to capture that inferior idiot?!” Supervillain screamed, making Villain flinch. They were both in Supervillain’s office, and recently, Villain went on a mission. Their main goal was to retrieve Hero, but they failed.

“They were too fast, okay? I’m sorry, Supervillain–”

“Sorry for what, exactly?! Being a disappointment?!” The room was full of tension. Supervillain could feel the fear radiating off of Villain. “I asked you to do one job and one job only. What was it?” They asked. Villain remained silent, looking at the floor, feeling pathetic. “Say it, Villain!” They screamed, rising from their desk.

“To capture Hero.”

“Exactly,” replied Supervillain. They walked around their desk as they circled Villain. “Your only task was to capture Hero. May I remind you that they’re the least of our concerns? We have Captain, Superhero, many others that’re stronger, faster…” They trailed off, now standing directly in front of Villain. Supervillain forcefully grabbed Villain’s hair and yanked it back, Villain groaning in pain. They looked into Supervillain’s cold eyes. “Yet you failed to capture Hero. Probably, if not, the weakest enemy we have right now.”

“They’re not weak! They just caught me off guard!” Villain shouted, their voice sounding broken with their lack of oxygen.

Supervillain looked them up and down before scoffing and shoving them away, Villain gasping for air. “You’re pathetic,” they spoke cruelly. “Barely able to handle a tier 3 Hero. You know how low that is for you? Even the cadets could execute better movements than… that.” They motioned towards all of Villain. “The entire thing’s on TV, y’know? Wanna bet how many people feel sympathy for us?”

“I–”

“NO ONE!” Supervillain screamed. Villain jumped back, wide-eyed. “Everyone’s mocking us. Mocking me. They’re degrading all of my work because of your slip-up! Not just here, everyone working with and under me! It’s bad for my image, bad for everything I’ve worked my ass off for!” Villain could feel themselves flinch everytime Supervillain yelled, but that just made them madder. “You’re… flinching? At what?! Me?! Because I’m mad that you made a mistake?”

Supervillain slowly approached closer. Villain backed up.

“Because you gave me a bad image to the world?”

A few more steps.

“Because you’re a failure?”

Supervillain was right in front of Villain, their structure towering over them. “Or are you simply scared of me?” Supervillain’s breathing was ragged and heavy, while Villain was barely breathing at all, like a single wrong move could kill them. Supervillain let out an empty laugh, slowly turning into a cackle. “You’re that pathetic, aren’t you?!”

Villain was too scared to respond.

“Y’know…” Supervillain grabbed Villain’s shoulder, their grip an uncomfortable hold. Villain squirmed. “You’re so weak, it’s embarrassing. Yet, I’m the one who has to deal with it. Isn’t that unfair?”

“I’m sorry, Supervillain.”

“Oh, you will be.”

Before Villain could reply, a strong impact landed on their stomach. They shut their eyes, but a large hand grasped their throat. They coughed, begging for it to end. Slowly, but surely, their eyes went black.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

“Supervillain! Please, stop it–”

“I’m sorry, Villain,” Supervillain replied, kicking Villain’s side. “But this is how you learn from your mistakes.”

Villain was laying on the floor, struggling to get up with their shaking arms. Their body was covered in bruises. While unconscious, the Supervillain dragged them to an empty room. It was unnamed, but famous for people never coming out.

I’m sure you can guess why.

“Get up,” Supervillain ordered, bringing Villain up by their shoulders. “And fight.” Villain tried punching their face with their broken hand, but Supervillain easily blocked and punched their neck, making Villain double over. Supervillain scoffed. “How pathetic are you that you can barely compete against me? A shame to the people who taught you.” Once Villain regained their oxygen, they pounced for Supervillain. Yet, it could only do so much. Supervillain easily moved out the way and elbowed their back, making Villain scream from pain. The previous injuries from Hero were still fresh, despite it being a few hours ago.

“It’s like something’s holding you back.” Supervillain sad matter-of-factly.

“You don’t know anything about me!” Villain screamed, turning around and slapping Supervillain in the face. Though, it hurt Villain more due to the broken arm. Supervillain’s face was red from anger as they punched Villain relentlessly. Villain’s already damaged body grew even more broken. They collapsed on the floor, panting. They spit out blood and shakily stood up, but Supervillain pushed them down with minimum effort.

“I know more than you think, darling.” Villain scoffed at the nickname. Supervillain grabbed their hair again and jerked them up again. They shoved their back against the wall, leaving Villain pinned.  “You’re so frail, so broken, yet you hide it through misbehavior.”

“Gee, wonder who taught me that.”

“I’d rather die than take blame for disobedience,” Supervillain spat out. In a swift motion, Supervillain kneed Villain in the stomach, making them spit out more blood on Supervillain’s clothing. “And I’m disappointed in your lack of awareness. It’s the reason you lost.”

Supervillain dropped Villain’s limp body on the floor, yet stayed in front of them. Villain spared enough strength and energy to curl into a ball, hiding their vulnerable body.

“Though, I think there’s something more to it… Don’t you think?”

“Please, just… just stop–” Villain choked out.

“I could never help but feel like you have more reason to be scared of Hero than me,” questioned Supervillain. “After all, I hold more authority in this situation. And I know there’s something going on between you two. You’ve handled more than Hero gave you. I’m a prime example, aren’t I?”

“How comforting.”

“It’s true.”

“Please, just listen to me, Supervillain,” pleaded Villain. “I don’t know what you’re trying to hint at, but whatever it is, you’re wrong.”

“Oh darling,” Supervillain spoke quietly. They knelt down and lifted up Villain’s chin, gently wiping away the Villain’s dried tears. They spoke in a whisper in Villain’s ear. “I’m never wrong.”

Supervillain stood up and walked past Villain’s broken body. “Make sure to clean up all the blood when you’re done crying.” Villain didn’t look as they slammed the door shut.

Finally, the Villain broke. They started sobbing as they uncurled their body and leaned on the wall. They cried, not caring if anyone outside the room heard it. They felt dead.

And if they continued to fuck up, they would be.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

“Hero,” Captain said, their voice as stern as ever.

Hero was sitting in front of multiple screens that surveyed the entire city. At least, the more important landmarks where villains often attacked. “Yes, Captain?”

“You’ve been sitting here for god knows how long. Any reports?”

“None yet, Captain. Almost like they’re planning something.”

“Then get your ass to work,” they scolded. “We can’t risk anything happening right now. One wrong move and we’re dead.”

“Yes, Captain,” Hero mumbled, switching the cameras to different areas, looking for any hint at the villains’ wearabouts. Captain just stood behind their chair and watched Hero work non stop. Hero muttered curses when nothing was wrong. Almost like…

Like they didn’t exist.

“Something’s wrong,” Hero said. “They don’t stay this inactive.”

“No shit sherlock.” Captain rushed out the room, shouting commands at the other heroes nearby. Hero took one last glance towards the cameras and raced after Captain. They both walked along the hallways, the other heroes getting ready for a large scout of the surrounding areas. “Hero, you’ll be going to the power plant.” Captain ordered. “We suspect something big is happening, and it’s the most logical area they could be. Technology there’s already improved, and there’s no doubt they’ve heard. A great place for information.”

“Right.”

“Don’t fail us. Report back at midnight. Keep your comms up.”

“Yes, sir.” Hero darted away and split apart from the group. After getting ready, they grabbed their automobile and raced to the power plant.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

Hero spent hours searching through the power plant’s buildings. Nothing but the occasional mouse. Of course, there were barely any scientists or workers at this time. Most headed home to their family and friends.

Not Hero, they had a job to do. 

They carefully set down multiple spy cameras to give the HQ a view of the inside.

“Thanks, Hero.” Captain spoke through the headpiece.

“Thank me later.” Hero spent the rest of the day camping in an office, hiding in the shadows. They officially used their last camera, placing them in specific areas to cover the most area. It was pin-drop silent.

A bit too silent.

Suddenly, the silence was disrupted by pounding footsteps. Hero swiftly shut off all communication, not ready to threaten their hiding place by Captain’s orders.

Hero’s breathing was still. Their body felt tense when the two figures came into sight. They were looking around for something, but didn’t carry flashlights. “Good for me,” thought Hero, and started to leave, their footsteps muted. Just when they were about to leave the building, their conversation caught their attention.

“Did you hear the shit that happened to Villain?” A voice whispered, but it was easily echoed off the building’s walls.

Hero froze, their breath hitching in the back of their throat. They lunged for their hiding spot again, crouching as they eavesdropped.

“Heard they got their ass beat by Supervillain, but nothing much.”

“Oh, shit. You should’ve seen it. It was fucking deranged.”

“Quiet!” One hissed. “Just focus on the mission.”

Hero couldn’t believe what they were hearing. Could this be why there wasn’t much activity as usual? Villain was Supervillain’s main pawn and prize. They executed their movements perfectly and flawlessly.

At least, until they fought Hero. Hero was victorious while Villain scurried away like a mouse. Captain and the others were celebrating, but Hero couldn’t help but feel guilty.

The duo of spies were still looking around, their backs away from Hero. Hero crept up on one of them and hit their head with their fists. Before the other could react, Hero already kicked their face. They both lacked armor and were easily knocked out.

Hero turned on their communication.

“Hero?” Captain spoke curiously.

“Sorry. I found two enemies. I’ll send their location.”

“Good work.”

Hero sent the coordinates.

“We’ll send someone in a few hours once they get back from patrol. You come back here, we have another job.”

“Actually,” Hero spoke, nervous to ask. “I was wondering if… if I could go on a different, more personal, mission?”

“What?” Captain said.

“I just…” Hero sighed, not knowing how to explain their thought. “I think there’s something going on with Villain–”

“Villain? You mean the asshole you beat a few days ago?” Captain almost let out a laugh. “What’s up with them?”

“I think they might be in danger.”

“Danger?” Captain spoke, almost mockingly. “Villain? The guy who’s been responsible for more war crimes than most, in danger?”

“I know, I know! I get it’s a bit… it’s a bit silly, but I overheard their conversation, the two spies, and I have a feeling something’s wrong.”

“Well, you can worry about it later,” Captain reassured, though it did everything but that. “Right now, we need to get the two spies at the base. I’ll send [Other Hero]. Make sure they don’t wake up.” Hero was about to complain, but Captain already left. A groan of annoyance left their throat as they stared down at the two unconscious bodies.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

“Hero?” [Other Hero] called out. “You there?”

Nothing.

The sound of water dripping somewhere made the aura uneasy. [Other Hero] quietly stalked along the walls to the coordinates, only to be startled by the sound of… bickering?

“You dumbass! How in the FUCK did you get knocked out so easily?”

“Says you! You were also–” “Oh, fuck off!”

Cautiously, [Other Hero] ran into the room and saw two enemy spies with their backs against each other, tied together with wire and rope. They both froze when they saw [Other Hero].

“Shit.”

“Shit.”

[Other Hero] pulled out their comms and quietly spoke to Captain. “Uh, Captain?… Hero’s… Hero’s not here.”

Captain’s sigh was audible, even to the two spies.

“Shit.”

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

Hero’s vehicle revved as they sped through the forest. What was creepy about the Enemies HQ wasn’t how it was hidden, it was the fact it wasn’t. Like an impenetrable fortress mocking everyone how it couldn’t be knocked over. The feeling scared Hero.

Any tracker or piece of communication to HQ was abandoned at the power plant, ensuring no one could follow them. This was their fault, and they were gonna fix it theirself.

When they were a distance away from the towering mansion, they hid their vehicle in the bushes and slowly approached. Of course it was guarded, so they took the stealthy approach. Hero’s HQ had a birds eye view of the Enemies HQ. It was helpful for figuring out how to break in, but the plan was disbanded. Still, Hero had the map memorized after staring at it for hours.

They snuck to the side and climbed over the fence. The Enemies HQ was ginormous. It was like a mansion and castle fused into one.

Sighing, the Hero jumped down and rushed to one wall, looking for a way to climb. They pulled on their gloves and grabbed one piece of the wall, testing if it could hold their weight. They continued the process until they found a close enough window. They took a peek inside. Their heart stopped and they almost fell from the sight.

Supervillain.

Only so much could be seen through the tinted glass, but they could barely make out Supervillain facing a group of people, probably cadets, seemingly giving a speech. Hero moved swiftly to the side out of their view. No way can they use that window. They continued their search for another one.

Another, slightly smaller window was in Hero’s grasp. Learning from previous mistakes, they checked it out. It seemed empty, only a punching bag and bed was seen through the tinted glass. They lifted up the window and crawled inside, landing on the floor with a thump. Brushing theirself off, they looked around the room for any potential threats.

After destroying most of the cameras, Hero cracked the door slightly open and looked around the hallway. Too many people were around, and they quietly shut the door and locked it. They sighed and looked around the room for anything to disguise theirself. The closet was full of clothes, easily distinguished as enemy attire. They slipped off their hero uniform and tried the outfit. It was snug, but good enough. After shoving the hero's clothing under the bed, they rushed out the room, ignoring all the conversation and people around them. They silently prayed no one would recognize their hair or face, but they didn’t have time to worry.

When they were far enough away from the crowd, they immediately started sprinting through the halls. “Villain?” They called out. “Villain!” Their breathing was frantic, panic starting to take over their body. They recalled what the other two mentioned about Villain.

“Heard they got their ass beat by Supervillain, but nothing much.”

“Oh, shit. You should’ve seen it. It was fucking deranged.”

Adrenaline was pumping through their blood, worry seizing every part of their body and mind. “Villain, god dammit! Where the fuck are you?!” They continued to scurry throughout the corridors of this damned place looking for Villain. The image of Villain’s wounded body kept appearing in their head, and they felt even worse. Villain was a person too, they were just too blind to see it.

“Fucking hell– Villain!” Hero screamed out. They started to hyperventilate. There were too many doors, too little time. They checked most in this hallway, maybe there were others. It was just an endless cycle. Open and slamming doors, running, catching their breath, opening and slamming doors…

God, were they ever going to find Villain?

After countless attempts to try, they leaned against the wall, catching their breath. Their legs felt limp from running through the hallways. They felt tears prick in the corners of their eyes, feeling worried about Villain.

“H-Hero?” A quiet mutter spoke, its voice a raspy breath.

Hero’s eyes widened as they quickly stood up. “Villain? Villain!”

“Hero…” Villain trailed off. Their voice was muffled, like they were in a room.

“W-where are you?!” Hero spoke frantically. “Tell me, now!”

No response.

The only indicator Villain was nearby was their ragged breathing, barely holding on. Hero tried opening one door, but it was locked. They pulled at the knob, but it wouldn’t open. “H-Hero…”

Bingo.

Hero slammed into the door, hearing the hinges slowly crack and break. When the door fell down, Hero rushed inside and looked around. A movement in the corner caught his eye.

“Villain!” Hero ran towards Villain and fell down to their level, embracing them in a hug. They let go and observed Villain’s broken body. “Fucking…” They were speechless. Villain looked like hell. There were giant bruises and gashes on their wounded skin, blood pouring out of their mouth, and they looked like they could barely stand.

“Hero… Why are you... You’re-.. I.. I didn’t think you’d–”

“I know, Villain. I know.” Hero carrassed Villain’s injured face, blood staining their hands. “But I’m gonna get you outta here, okay?”

“Promise?”

“I promise.”

Hero gently lifted up Villain bridal-style. “Please…” Villain croaked. “Don’t get caught.” Hero nodded and walked out the room, looking both ways. Carefully and quietly, Hero walked along the hallway, trying their best to hide in the shadows. They still had to wrap the situation around their head. They were currently risking their life by saving Villain.

And they were holding Villain bridal-style.

The thought made their face turn a bit red, but they continued the stroll. “Do you know where the exit is?” Hero asked, but when they saw Villain’s eyes slowly closing, they shut up. Villain needed their rest.

Through the winding and twisting corridors, Hero found theirself hopelessly lost. “Shit,” they internally screamed. Where the hell was the exit? Before they could think of a plan, a thousand footsteps echoed throughout the hallway. Without a warning, a swarm of people ran in their direction. Hero clutched Villain tightly in their embrace, bracing for an impact. The sound of their running rang in their ears and all around them. Yet, when they opened their eyes, everyone moved around them.

“The heroes are here!”

“Formation twelve, just like we practiced!”

“What’s with the sudden attack?!”

Hero gasped and followed them, Villain trying their best not to move so much. Everyone was at the front entrance. And guess who?

The fucking heroes.

Their giant vehicle was landed in the forest, casting a giant shadow over the enemy base.

“Where the fuck is our teammate?!” One of Hero’s comrade, [Other Hero], yelled. They held a gun and an expression of fury. Hero could practically cry at their sight. In the midst of battle, Hero ran forward, aiming for the craft. Captain was there to greet them, but not a pretty sight.

“I told you not to engage, Hero! You disobeyed orders,” they complained, scolding Hero.

“Well fuck your orders!”

“What.”

“You heard me! I’m not going to- to just let Villain be hurt like this! If you hate it, you can suck my–!”

Groans came from Hero’s chest, both forgetting about Villain cradled near Hero.

“The fuck you both screaming for?” Villain’s voice was strained and quiet, but it showed no less than annoyance.

“S-sorry, Villain.” Hero apologized, walking around and setting Villain down on a seat. Captain sighed, the creases on their forehead visible.

“I need a drink after this bullshit.”

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

“Ah, no need to tell me, [Other Villain]. I’ve already heard.”

“S-sir! Don’t you think we should do something about this?! I just think–”

“If Villain knows what’s best for them, they’ll come crawling back. Don’t you think, [Other Villain]?” Supervillain sat at their desk, continuing their paperwork with a fine pen. [Other Villain] stood awkwardly in front of them, giving the report that Villain was abducted.

“If Villain was abducted, don’t you think they can’t come back?” Supervillain faltered.

“Abducted you say? My, I thought they just ran away like a dog.”

“Negative. The injuries you gave Villain made them unable to fight Hero. We haven’t seen any sign of the two still in our territory. We assume they–”

“I don’t want assumptions. They’re pointless and useless.” Supervillain sighed and looked at [Other Villain]. “Send out a search party. If they don’t find him, bring me…” They paused in thought. “Bring me [Cadet Name]. If Villain won’t arrive, I’ll need a replacement.”

“Yes, sir.”

The moment [Other Villain] left, Supervillain stood up. They stomped over to the wall and punched it, a hole visible. They screamed in rage, the entire HQ freezing at their cry. They spent years training Villain to be the greatest. Fuck, Villain was phenomenal. They’d always ace their training as a cadet, show complete and utter loyalty.

Now it was all gone.

They went over to their desk and shoved everything away, most items crashing on the floor. Villain was a special case. Almost no one could replace them and their way of sparring. Supervillain wanted to cry for the first time in years.

“No. No no no. Emotion is weakness,” they said, speaking to theirself in a hushed voice. “That’s why Villain lost. That’s why they couldn’t follow the simplest of orders.” It was like they were trying to convince theirself that it wasn’t their fault Villain was gone from their grasp.

After all, a puppeteer is useless without their puppet.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

Geez, this was, like, 7 and half pages long! I did not expect that- Welp, Refuge was really liked, so I just wrote a flashback for some context. Hope you enjoyed!

☆ Xaniadusca Masterlist ( ! CANON ! )☆

DISCONTINUED

New Link

────── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ──────

Betrayal.

Summary - Ori and Onyx leave the Devil's Crest, leaving Midnight behind, too. The battlefield is swirling with emotions, sadness, anger, and betrayal. Angst

Part 1 | Part 2

────── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ──────