Oh Ow - Tumblr Posts
no greater loss than that of a child
WHERE DO YOU GO WHEN YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES?
fire it hurts to be near him -- he makes you want to scream, cry, throw a fit. would this be fixed if you had what he has? would you stop hating so furiously if you became him? open your heart to the possibility that not everyone wants to drown you. maybe then, you'll be able to swim.
I know that this has probably already been said before, but I just need to say how dear Hua Cheng’s ‘San Lang’ form is to me.
Like, I don’t think it’s ever explicit stated why Hua Cheng chose to appear before Xie Lian as he did on the ox cart, but I think that there are many reasons.
The first being that he just really wanted to get close to his god without the fear of being rejected because he was a ghost king. Hua Cheng’s low self esteem (at least in regards to his looks) is something that is very explicitly stated in the novels and is an important factor how he chooses to present himself to Xie Lian.
Hua Cheng has spent his entire life hearing vitriol being spit at him, being told that he is monstrous and deformed. Undoubtedly, he had to do some pretty nasty things in order to firmly establish and maintain his rank as a ghost king. I wonder if he’s still haunted by the things said to him and if the things that he had to do ever made him feel like he’s proving those things to be true.
In being ‘San Lang’ Hua Cheng was able to shed all things that he has done as a ghost king and that past that haunts him and just exist as a companion to his beloved.
‘San Lang’ is who Hua Cheng would be if everything was perfect. He is a smart lordling who has run away from home. He is someone who had a home to run away from and the money to have a proper education. He is not the street rat that was run out of a family that should have loved him because of a superstitious belief and economic stress.
It’s the idea that Hua Cheng has specifically created that body with vision of a kinder past—a vision of what should have been—that really gets me.
