My Prose - Tumblr Posts

We're together but each one of us is pulled back by the dogs of isolation. The desperation for touch, for speech is crisp but the silence is conquering. We sit disconnected, we sense our words and phrases falling short of dare and of significance. We look at each other but our eyes are clouded, blinded by the black mist of misunderstanding. I look at you and you at me, we are mere discoloured postcards, ripped love letters, both of us are clinging on something that's driving us astray. We're together but we're so lonely. Your eyes have their unfinished passion and mine are brim of affection. But none of us dares to come closer or to set the tongue free. We sit: silent, self-centred, singular, and sinuous, as we let these small misunderstandings, grouping, winning, and seizing vain victory. You look at me again and I at you, our wrong silence is bleeding for speech, for liberation, for communication.

@kafkaesquebibliomaniac

(Artwork by Joseph Lorusso.)

In Silence

May I occupy

The space

Beside you

For a while

No words

Let’s not talk

About anything

Just sit with me

In silence

Feel every breath

Perceive

The underlying connection

Time weaved

For us

Before we even walked

This galaxy

-Stormykatie

"When a writer loved you so, you can never die."

Image: Pinterest

Eternal Stirring

He stood in the doorway;

A phantom eyeing me.

Crumpled papers in his arms;

Dried ink stained his heart.

I can’t repress the shudder;

That abruptly rose within me.

As he paced the line that parted;

His ghostly self from me.

He handed me the paper;

Where he wrote all his dreams.

I read each word in tears;

Every verse spoke of me.

I gazed at his bloodshot eyes;

They twinkled back at me.

I rose to plant a kiss;

He trembled against my lips.

Now I can claim it’s true;

What people always say.

“When a writer loved you so;

You can never die!”

-Stormykatie

I want to be lost

In my ocean of thoughts

Linger in the depth

Of my rambling chaos

//

Perhaps to be lost is better

Than have me stand

Infront of you

But never seen

For you seek

The comfort

Of winding lies

Not the beautiful fiasco

Of black stormy hair

Freckled facial skin

A pair of clear brown eyes

Dancing about your face

Once in a while they stop

To stare

A little deeper

Like they're trying to probe

Into your soul

Completely shrouded

In an exquisite smile

A perfect masquerade

//

I try to know you

Like a sacred creed

But you hide beneath

Layers of cemented lies

You refuse to speak

To my exposed soul

Cast away the truth

Back to the grave

Where it spent

Eons of incarceration

//

Why wouldn't you look at me

As I bare it all

I stand in stark nudity

Before you

But you turn away

//

Are you afraid

To discover what's engraved

In my bones

For so long

Your name

Tattooed in me

In my soul

A beautiful calligraphy

Of pain

An anguished scream

Swallowed by the wind

A tale

Of love and lost

Spilled carelessly

In ancient Baybayin

-Tattooed in me,

Katie, 20:00

(Baybayin is an ancient pre-colonial Philippine writing system.The term Baybay literally means "to spell" in Tagalog.)

When hurt

I may break

Like a figurine

May scream

Like a banshee

In gritted teeth

Curse fiercely

Like there's no tomorrow

When it's too much

And I am shaking

All my resolves

Crumble within

I may shed

Niagara of tears

May plead the gods

To send me

A little thunder

To match

The pouring rain

It's given

For my heart,

It is fragile

May shatter a bit

Like a glass

Scattered

On the floor

But what it won't do

Is knock

On your door

Beg for affection

Yes, when hurt

I may roll

But you will never

See me crawl

While I force

Together pieces

That don't fit

If I am not wanted

I will leave

It's that simple

-Simple

(Soon enough, I will learn to love the sound of my footsteps as I walk away from everything that hurts...)

Katie, 19:00

I loved you long before

I knew the color of your eyes

How your lips curve into a smile

How your heart beat rhymes with mine

So when you asked me to gamble with time

Oh I followed blindly

Walked with you

Without thinking twice

//

For your voice roared

Over the hubbub

In my head

Like a song

Taking me home

A resonating echo

In my dreams

Oh you called

I heard you every time

Whispering promises

More intoxicating

Than wine

//

But somehow everything felt unreal

Like the man that you are is just a work of fiction

Making me believe in false prophecies

As I leaned against rapidly collapsing walls

Cringed from the coldness that crawls

On my skin

Reminding me of every sin

We ever committed in the name of selfish whims

//

How we braved the storms

Expunged all uncertainties tangling

Our straight path

Like we knew where we're heading

Perhaps it was love

That kept us going

We didn't care if it lasts

Or if it costs us so much

More than we can afford

A golden penny or a drop of blood

We gambled every dream

We ever caught

Coupled with the hopes

We bottled

//

Our impetousity took us farther

Than everything we have put into plan

Threaded desert of snow

Swam oceans of unknowable sorrow

Fear has crept in me one of those moments

But when I looked at you

I defied gravity

Floated in cloud nine

Suddenly

There's no doubt in my mind

That we can make it

That we will make it

//

But did we?

Did we make it?

We could have made it

If you held tighter

I got you

But you chose to let go

Of everything

We ever built

I held on to you

To every word

You ever said

I honestly believed

You wanted me with you too

That you won't cast me out

After letting me get used

To your presence

To your warmth

But what have you done?

Of all the things

You could have done

You broke me

Like I mean nothing to you

//

I mean nothing to you! Nothing!

-Nothing,

Katie, 19:45

And then she rose from the ashes. Maybe she's meant to, afterall.

Katie, 11:45

My re-awakening wasn't easy. For I was required to see again things I already unsaw, learn knowledge I already unlearned, know people I already unknew. But when my eyes caught a glimpse of you, a silhoutte moving against the darkness, faith came rushing into my nerves. The gust of wind echoed songs I've already forgotten. But the tone, the lyrics, your eyes, your voice exude such familiarity I could not simply ignore.

//

You look like the muse I spent my life trying to immortalize. You smell like sea breeze. Your laugh sounds like crashing waves that rhyme perfectly with my morning rambles. Above all, you feel like the home my heart would always run to for warmth and a drizzle of love when everything around me is bereft of it.

-Feels like home,

Katie, 17:30

Don't let the world define you. Celebrate your strength; own your flaws. How many times you falter doesn't matter. How persistently you rise from the ashes does.

-Define you,

Katie, 23:00

I stare at your eyes, deeper...

deeper...

deeper...

Seek for the warmth that is no longer there.

For the warmth,

Katie, 05:00

Your Broken Angel

My wings get broken too;

I can’t fly.

But I wanna be there

To hold you when you cry;

Drink your tears;

Wipe them dry.

Until I wither away;

A disintegrating shadow.

In the labyrinth I hear the echo

Of your screams.

So I’m here

Always, your broken angel.

-Stormykatie

First of all, I would like to say I'm sorry.

I'm sorry that I'm running away again. I'm running away like I'm ruthlessly slapped by the hand of rationality. Yes, you're sweet and romantic but I deserve so much more than the illusion you're trying to paint in my head with words I've grown accustomed to. Such sweet words that do not possess a life of their own, bereft of the possibility of future realization. Somehow, they're just fragments of a promise, a hushed sound of uncertainty but were nevertheless uttered to feed the speaker's fancy. I'm yet to fall into such a romantic machination coming with the love bug crawling over my blanket. You have the audacity to say you love me but that's all. I've been waiting for the things that you will do to make me feel that that love is real and you're feeling it with every breath that you take.

Love, love isn't just words you can say. It isn't just something I can believe in a dazed mind. It's so much more. It's a commitment that binds people for eternity. A sacred vow to hold two hearts together. It's not a game ought to be played. Not a fire that can easily be extinguished by tanks of water. It's not pupils dilating or tongues sprinkled with deathly dose of fructose, or a vision of the moon getting bigger in a glance. It's a chance, a one in a million chance. A risk someone has to take willingly for no reason at all. And ours are just words you managed to weave to fill the vast spaces between us. Words I can't simply take for they lack justification. And words without justification are merely claims, pieces of alleged information that lack merit. You're sweet and gentle and kind. But deadly. Deadly because you make me wanna fall without any assurance as to where I stand in your life. What am I to you to begin with? Just a girl you can show to everyone like a trophy? Someone who walks and sits beside you so you won't be alone in a crowd? You haven't defined the role I am playing. But I am playing it anyhow, though I am always scared of breaking my heart yet again. So before this gets deeper, I have to run away.

I'm sorry.

-Undefined,

Katie, 21:00

Bloom honey, bloom

See those pretty roses?

They have thorns too

Had pierced someone

Hurt someone

But didn't sink in guilt

In life, things like that happen

You'll gonna hurt somebody

Break somebody

Well, who doesn't?

We all have that kind of days

We're loved

We're hated

Nobody is perfect

So get out of that shell

Brighten that face

And show the world

That you are capable of love too

Yes you don't always gleam

Like the sun

Sometimes you come

With a thunderstorm

But at least, honey at least

You don't fake any of it

You're authentic

You're raw

You're a mess

And because of that

You're beautiful

So like those pretty roses

Bloom honey, bloom!

-pretty roses,

Katie, 21:30

Image: Pinterest

Heart, I failed you again.

I'm sorry you broke again. And this time, I don't know if I can ever make you whole again. For you didn't just shatter into pieces. You've been burned into ashes. Unless, you're a Phoenix, there's no way I can revive you.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry I led you into an open combat. I'm sorry I didn't listen to your screams. I'm sorry I didn't trust you when you said we're walking into a trap. I thought you can manage. For heart, you've always managed. You've always been so strong. I counted so much on that. Even when you're losing it all, I didn't let you retreat.

I'm sorry.

It was all my fault. I led you into a battle we cannot win. I'm so sorry. I just thought he's worth it. That he's different. Now your ashes scattered about the ground say it all.

Heart, I'm sorry. I truly am.

Not a Phoenix,

Katie, 21:45

@littlest-meerkat

I catch the first drop of rain on my palm and imagine how much you waited for it. You told me you wanna fall in love before the first rain of November. It's been raining for weeks now, my love. And every drop reminds me of the reasons why you had to wait for this season, to fall in love. And though I exhaust my wit trying to get the wisdom behind it, I don't understand. I can't understand. Why did you wait? And why did the rain come too late? Too late for you to feel it glide on you face. Too late for you to catch it on your palm. You know, sometimes I try to question Cupid. Why? Why you? Why me? Why in the universe did we have to wait? If he has a conscience, why did he allow us to wait this long? Now you're gone and the sky just won't stop raining. And I still don't get it. My world may be flooded soon and I will still be here trying to unravel the wisdom behind the course of waiting you chose to thread when you could have just fell in love with me. I wish I could have just ignored your "first rain fantasy" and fell in love with you while I had the chance.

-Waited for the first rain to fall in love

Katie, 24:30

Fragments shrieking

Underneath her bed

Consuming sanity

Kindling time spent

Invincible soul

Turning cold tonight

In gloom sinking

Marching with shadows

Leaving the room

Enraged yet steady

Amidst falling debris

Varying degrees of

Incessant torment

Nothing could shake her

Gravitating towards

Nowhere she walks

On steep rocks

Wondering about the past

-Leaving tonight,

Katie, 24: 45

Image: Pinterest

Do you know where your faith lies?

If it's on things, luck or men, honey you're on your way to fail. Put your faith not on things that don't last, not on luck that is elusive, not on men who come and go as they please.

Put it on yourself. You alone can make a difference in your life. You alone can paint back the rays of sunshine in your eyes. Have faith in you, in yourself. Only then that you'll feel the winds of fortune blow in your favor.

Of faith,

Katie, 12:00

I'm glad that there's a home I can always run to when I am tired of all the world's foolishness. It's you love- my quiet space in the midst of chaos, my hiding place in this world of sorrow.

Katie, 13:00

This is beginning to look like December;

But her heart,

Oh, her heart felt

The extreme coldness first!

-Look like December,

Katie, 16:00

Go out. Go to places. Seek what you must. We can't just entrust everything to the universe. Sometimes we have to meet destiny halfway.

You have to work for it too,

Katie, 12:30