Im Not Okay Actually And Im Just Gonna Cry Myself To Sleep Right Now - Tumblr Posts

True facts

let me tell you why this line right here breaks my entire fucking heart. (spoilers ahead for anyone currently watching for the first time!)

cause imagine MICKEY. growing up in that fucking house with that sad excuse for a father. he can’t be who he wants to be, so he’s angry, violent and resentful. to me, it’s very possible that when he had sex with ian for the first time, that was also his first time bottoming (a very scary and vulnerable thing!). he trusts ian enough to carry on fucking him; sometimes in his house where his fucking dad could show up at any time.

then he fell for this ginger idiot, kissed him (which was probably his first kiss with a guy!), went through hell, lost him, found him again, came out because he didn’t want to lose him a second time, fully fell in love with him, he cared for him when he got sick, he protected him.

then he got his heart broken, ended up in prison, where, upon ian visiting him, was told by ian himself that the only reason he turned up was because he was being paid to be there. even after that, he’d shown ian the tattoo he’d done himself to confirm his commitment to him. only to get a placating fake promise that ian would wait for him. which was obviously bullshit at the time but would have been further cemented when mickey never got a visit from ian ever again. i’m assuming mandy didn’t visit him either and then svetlana probably didn’t visit much, especially when she married someone else and started a new life. mickey had nothing but four blank cell walls, and his memories.

then he plotted a full on jail break, going so far as to make a woman fall in love with him to do it. he went BACK to chicago at the risk of getting caught and getting even more jail time. all so he can see ian gallagher one last time before he heads for the border and leaves forever. all so he can see if there’s even a small fucking chance that ian might come with him.

and even here, in this moment, mickey’s still unsure. even though ian’s left with him. his “did you ever think about me?” just cuts so deep. cause he was alone in there, probably definitely thought about ian every single day. the truth is so loud in that question. it’s not just a “did you ever think about me?”, it’s him wondering it in the first place, which so clearly tells us that there wasn’t a day that went by where he wasn’t thinking of ian.

so this line, it just… breaks my heart.

mickey milkovich you will always be my number one ☝️

psa: i’m not hating on ian, for anything! i love ian, he’s my pookie (and my number two!) he had his own shit going on and he had a lot of stuff to figure out, not just mental issues! but him telling mickey he was paid to be there was just so OOC and again making mickey sound abusive to caleb when they both have a history of beating the shit out of each other. fuck the writers for that one. fuck them up the 🍑 with something spiky!

gif by @mickeygifs 🖤🖤🖤