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Helnik || GHOSTS OF OUR PAST || Chapter 1

Timeline: Just after Crooked Kingdom, right before King of Scars

Genre: Angst

Word Count: 852

Note: totally not venging revenge for my wasted tears over the untold story of helnik-

• masterlist // prologue // next chapter (coming soon)

---

Nina Zenik stood in the dimly lit study of the Van Eck Mansion, her gaze fixed on the flickering flame of a solitary candle. The grandeur of the room was lost on her as she wrestled with memories that refused to fade. She clutched Matthias Helvar's worn leather jacket to her chest, feeling the weight of his absence like a physical ache.

Outside, the wind whispered through the trees, carrying with it the promise of a harsh Fjerdan winter. Nina shivered, not from the chill in the air but from the relentless sorrow that gripped her heart.

Matthias, the boy who brought her back from death, the boy he loved, was gone.

Gone.

"Nina," a voice called out, deep and steady. "What are you doing here, witch?" he demanded, though his tone lacked the venom it once had.

Nina's heart ached at the sight of him. "I'm not here to fight, Matthias. I'm here because I miss you."

Nina reached out, her fingers brushing against his arm. "I know. But I can't help it. I keep seeing you everywhere."

His gaze softened slightly. "I was your enemy once. Do you remember how we met?"

Nina nodded, her mind drifting back to that fateful encounter. She remembered the fear and adrenaline, the way they had circled each other like predators, each one waiting for the other to make a move.

"You were so determined to hate me," she said softly. "But we both changed, didn't we?"

He looked away, the hardness returning to his face. "We did. But some things can't be undone. My people, my duty... they were my life."

"And now?" she asked, her voice trembling.

"Now I'm gone," his words hitting her like a physical blow. "You need to let me go, Nina."

"You saved me, Matthias. More times than I can count. You brought me back from the brink," she said, tears streaming down her face. "But I couldn't save you."

Matthias reached out, his hand hovering over her cheek. "You did save me, Nina. You showed me a different way, a different path. Even if it was just for a moment."

Nina's heart clenched, the pain too much to bear. "I don't want to say goodbye."

"You have to," he whispered. "For both our sakes."

The snowstorm intensified, and Nina felt herself being pulled away, the image of Matthias fading into the blizzard. She tried to hold on, but the wind was too strong. The cold bit at her, and she heard her own gasping breath. She was falling.... falling .....

Nina's vision blurred, and she sank to the floor, Matthias' jacket slipping from her grasp.

"Nina?" Inej's voice broke through the haze, filled with concern.

Nina looked up to see Inej standing in the doorway, her friend's dark eyes filled with understanding and worry. "I'm okay," Nina lied, her voice hoarse from crying.

Inej stepped closer, picking up the jacket and handing it back to Nina. "You don't have to do this alone, you know."

Nina nodded, though she knew that this journey, this grief, was something she would have to face on her own terms. "I need to take him home, Inej. It's the least I can do."

"I will," Nina promised, though she wasn't sure how she would keep that vow. She felt like a part of her had been buried with Matthias, and the road ahead seemed impossibly long and cold.

Inej sat down beside her, the silence between them filled with unspoken words. "Do you remember when Oomen cut me?" Inej began softly.

Nina glanced at her friend, surprised by the sudden shift in conversation. "Of course. How could I forget?"

"I was so close to giving up," Inej continued. "I felt the darkness closing in, and I thought that was the end for me. But then you came, Nina. You healed me. You brought me back."

"I did what I had to," Nina said, her voice barely above a whisper.

"You did more than that," Inej insisted. "You showed me that there was still light, even in the darkest of times. You gave me hope when I had none."

Nina's tears flowed freely now. "Inej, I..."

Inej reached out, taking Nina's hand in hers. "You have that same strength, Nina. You can find your way through this. And you don't have to do it alone."

Nina squeezed her friend's hand, drawing comfort from the warmth of her touch. "Thank you, Inej."

Nina stood up, wiping her tears, and looked around the study. She had to be strong, for Matthias, for herself, and for those who believed in her. With a deep breath, she steeled herself for the challenges ahead.

Then, without warning, the sound of shattering glass echoed through the mansion, followed by a chilling voice that sent a jolt of fear through Nina's heart. She turned, eyes wide, as a shadowy figure emerged from the darkness.

"Nina Zenik," the voice hissed. "Did you really think you could escape me?

Nina's breath caught in her throat as the figure stepped into the light, revealing a face she never thought she'd see again.

Helnik || GHOSTS OF OUR PAST || Chapter 2

Timeline: Just after Crooked Kingdom, right before King of Scars

Genre: Angst

Word Count: 2.8K+

Note: totally not venging revenge for my wasted tears over the untold story of helnik-

• masterlist // prologue // prev. chp // next chapter (coming soon)

---

Nina's heart pounded in her chest as she stared at the figure before her. The flickering candlelight cast eerie shadows on the walls, making the face of the intruder even more sinister. She took a step back, her mind racing with a thousand possibilities.

The figure smirked, taking a deliberate step forward. "Surprised to see me, Nina?"

Nina's breath caught in her throat. She recognized the voice, though it had been years since she had last heard it. "Jurgen," she whispered, the name escaping her lips like a curse.

Jurgen, a former drüskelle, had been one of Matthias' closest comrades. He was ruthless and unyielding, known for his brutal efficiency in hunting down Grisha. How had he found her here in Ketterdam? And why now, when she was already at her weakest?

"What do you want?" Nina demanded, forcing herself to stand tall, despite the fear gnawing at her insides.

Jurgen's smirk widened. "Revenge, of course. You took Matthias from us, and now you'll pay the price."

Nina's mind raced as she tried to formulate a plan. She couldn't afford to show weakness, not now. "Matthias chose his own path. He wasn't yours to control."

Jurgen's eyes narrowed. "He was ours until you corrupted him. But no matter. Your death will send a message to all who think they can defy us."

Nina swallowed hard, feeling the weight of Matthias' jacket still clutched in her hands. She needed to buy time, to find a way to turn the situation in her favour. "Do you really think killing me will bring him back? Matthias wouldn't want this."

Jurgen's expression darkened. "Don't pretend to know what Matthias would have wanted. You twisted his mind, made him weak."

Anger flared within Nina, a fierce protective instinct she couldn't suppress. "Matthias was stronger than any of you. He saw the truth, saw that the world wasn't just black and white. He chose love over hate."

Jurgen's lip curled in disdain. "Spare me your sentimental drivel. Your time is up, Nina Zenik."

With a swift motion, Jurgen drew a dagger, the blade gleaming menacingly in the candlelight. Nina's heart skipped a beat, but she refused to back down. "You're making a mistake," she said, her voice steady. "Ketterdam is under Kaz Brekker's control. You won't get out of here alive."

Jurgen laughed, a harsh, grating sound. "Kaz Brekker? The so-called Bastard of the Barrel? He means nothing to me."

Nina's mind raced. She needed to think quickly, to find a way to outmanoeuvre Jurgen. She focused on her training, on the lessons Matthias had taught her about survival and resilience. "Then let's see if you can handle me," she said, summoning all her courage.

Before Jurgen could react, Nina lunged forward, using the element of surprise to her advantage. She grabbed a nearby candlestick and swung it at him with all her strength. The heavy metal connected with his arm, causing him to drop the dagger.

Jurgen snarled in pain and rage, but Nina didn't give him a chance to recover. She kicked the dagger away, sending it skidding across the floor. "You're not going to win this fight," she said, her voice filled with determination.

Jurgen's eyes blazed with fury, but there was a hint of uncertainty in his gaze. "We'll see about that," he growled.

Before he could make another move, he suddenly stiffened, his eyes widening in shock. A thin line of blood appeared on his neck, and he collapsed to the floor, dead.

Nina's knees buckled, and she sank to the floor, the adrenaline leaving her body in a rush. She looked up to see Inej Ghafa appear from the shadows, her expression calm and steady. "You're safe now," Inej said softly.

Nina nodded weakly, her breath coming in ragged gasps. "I... I think so."

Inej helped her to her feet, her grip steady and reassuring. "We need to be more careful. It seems our enemies are closer than we thought.

Nina's mind was still reeling from the encounter, but she knew Inej was right.

Nina took a deep breath, trying to steady her racing heart. She knew she couldn't delay her journey to Fjerda any longer. She needed to bury Matthias and find some semblance of peace.

The next morning, the Van Eck Mansion was bustling with activity. Jesper and Wylan were already in the study, sorting through documents and maps. Kaz was at the desk, his fingers steepled in concentration as he reviewed the necessary transactions.

"Nina, you need to be ready," Inej said looking up from the map. "The journey won't be easy. I have spoken with the crew. We all give you all the help we can. In the meanwhile, why don't you come with me? There's a place we can go for waffles. You need a moment to breathe."

"Are you sure?"

"Com'on Nina. How can it hurt?"

Nina hesitated, glancing around the room filled with maps and plans, the weight of her next steps looming over her. But the thought of waffles, warm and sweet, tugged at something deep within her—something that reminded her of simpler times, of moments shared with people she loved.

Nina chuckled, the sound foreign and out of place amidst the wreckage of her mind. But she nodded. “Alright, let’s go. I can’t say no to waffles.”

The two women left the mansion, slipping into the bustling streets of Ketterdam. The cold air nipped at their cheeks, but Nina welcomed it, letting the sharpness of the wind clear her mind.

As they walked, Nina let her thoughts drift. For a brief moment, it felt like she was a normal person again, just two friends going out for breakfast, without the weight of death and duty pressing down on her. She clutched Matthias’ jacket tighter around her, feeling the familiar roughness of the leather against her skin.

"How do you find these places?" Nina finally asked, breaking the silence.

Inej glanced at her, her eyes twinkling with amusement. "It’s Ketterdam. You just have to know where to look."

Soon enough, they reached a small, tucked-away café, the kind of place you could easily miss if you weren’t paying attention. The warm scent of baking bread and syrup hit Nina the moment they stepped inside, and for the first time in what felt like days, a genuine smile tugged at the corners of her lips.

The place was cozy, with just a few tables scattered around and a handful of customers already enjoying their breakfasts. Inej led them to a table by the window, where they sat down, letting the warmth of the café sink into their bones.

A kind-looking woman with flour dusted on her apron approached, her smile bright and welcoming. "What can I get for you ladies?"

"Waffles," Inej said before Nina could even open her mouth. "Two plates, with all the toppings."

Nina raised an eyebrow at her friend. "All the toppings?"

Inej’s smile widened. "You’ll need it."

The woman bustled away, leaving the two of them alone again. Nina stared out the window, watching as the people of Ketterdam went about their business, oblivious to the battles and heartaches she carried with her.

"It’s hard," Nina said quietly, her voice barely above a whisper. "To keep going. To act like everything’s normal when it’s not."

Inej didn’t answer right away. She simply let the silence hang between them for a moment, before speaking softly. "I know it’s hard, Nina. But you’re not alone. And you don’t have to be strong all the time."

Nina swallowed, her throat tight. "I keep thinking about him. How I failed him."

"You didn’t fail him," Inej said firmly, "You loved him. And that’s what matters."

As they waited, Nina's thoughts kept drifting back to Matthias, to the life they could have had together. When the waffles arrived, she found she couldn't muster the enthusiasm she usually had for the treat.

"Nina, it's okay to grieve. You don't have to be strong all the time."

Nina looked up, her eyes brimming with unshed tears. "Inej, I don't know how to do this without him. He was my anchor, my rock."

Inej reached across the table, taking Nina's hand in hers. "You helped me when I was at my lowest, remember? When Oomen cut me, you brought me back. You showed me how to fight, how to survive. Now it's my turn to help you."

Nina let out a shaky breath, the tears finally spilling over. "I miss him so much, Inej. It feels like a part of me is missing."

Inej squeezed her hand. "It's okay to miss him. But remember, Matthias wouldn't want you to give up. He'd want you to keep fighting, to keep living."

Nina nodded, trying to absorb Inej's words. "You're right. He would."

Nina stared down at the waffles in front of her. Normally, she’d dive right in, smothering them with extra cream and berries. But today, they seemed almost... foreign. She poked at them with her fork, letting the smell and warmth curl around her, though it did little to comfort her heart.

Inej remained silent, sipping her tea, her presence steady like the tide. She knew when words would help and when they’d simply add to the noise in Nina's head.

After a moment, Nina took a bite, savoring the sweetness despite the bitterness in her chest. The food tasted good, but it couldn’t fill the void Matthias had left behind. "I wish he could’ve tasted these," Nina said softly, her voice cracking just a little.

Inej looked at her with quiet understanding, but she didn’t push. She never did. Instead, she let Nina's words hang in the air, knowing that it was enough for now.

As they finished up, Inej gently placed a few coins on the table and rose to her feet. "Ready?"

They ate in silence for a while, the sound of other patrons laughing and chatting quietly filling the cozy café. Nina tried to focus on those noises, tried to pretend like everything was normal. For a fleeting second, she almost believed it.

Nina wiped her mouth with a napkin and nodded. "Yeah. Let’s get back. I need to focus."

The cold hit them again as they stepped outside, though this time it didn’t feel as biting. It was almost as if the small café had offered a temporary reprieve from the grief that threatened to suffocate Nina. She still carried the weight of her loss, but it felt... lighter, like a burden she didn’t have to shoulder alone.

They walked in silence, navigating the familiar streets back to the Van Eck mansion. The further they got, the closer reality crept in—plans, journeys, final goodbyes.

Back at the mansion, Jesper and Wylan were busy finalizing the preparations. They had gathered all the necessary supplies and were now packing them into sturdy crates.

Nina joined them, her heart heavy but resolute. "I'm ready," she said, her voice steady.

Jesper handed her a small, intricately carved box. "We found this among Matthias's things. We thought you might want to take it with you."

Nina opened the box, her breath catching when she saw the contents. Inside was a small, silver locket engraved with the words, "Jer molle pe oonet. Enel mörd je nej afva trohem verret." She felt a lump in her throat as she read the inscription. "I have been made to protect you. Only in death will I be kept from this oath."

Jesper placed a comforting hand on her shoulder. "He wanted you to have it, Nina. To remember him by."

Nina closed the box, holding it close to her heart. "Thank you, Jesper. This means more to me than you know."

Kaz approached her, handing her a set of documents. "These are the arrangements for your journey. The ship will take you to Fjerda, and from there, you'll need to make your way to the burial site."

Nina took the documents, her heart heavy but determined. "I'll see it through. For Matthias."

The room around her hummed with quiet activity, but the world felt distant. She traced the inscription on the locket, the words grounding her as if they were Matthias' final vow to protect her even now.

Kaz’s voice broke through her thoughts. “The ship won’t wait, Nina.”

She lifted her gaze to meet his, nodding once. The Bastard of the Barrel was a man of few comforts, but Nina knew that his abruptness was his way of caring. She slid the locket into her pocket, feeling its cool weight settle against her. She would carry Matthias with her, always.

The others had gathered in the grand entrance hall—Jesper, Wylan, and Inej stood watching her, their faces shadowed with worry. But this wasn’t their fight, their farewell. This was hers alone.

Jesper, trying to keep the mood light as he always did, flashed her a crooked grin. “Don’t go causing too much trouble up there in the ice. We can’t all come and rescue you, you know.”

Nina forced a small smile, though it barely reached her eyes. “I think I’ve caused enough trouble to last a lifetime.”

Wylan stepped forward, handing her a small bag with rations and supplies. “It’s not much, but it should help until you reach Fjerda.”

Nina took the bag gratefully, glancing down at it. “Thank you, Wylan. I don’t deserve all this.”

Wylan opened his mouth as if to argue, but then thought better of it. He knew better than anyone that there was no talking Nina out of this.

The air in the mansion seemed to grow heavier, like the walls themselves knew this was a moment of finality. Nina had never been one to shy away from the truth, no matter how painful, but standing here, preparing to leave behind her only family in Ketterdam, the weight of it was almost unbearable.

Finally, she turned to Kaz. “I’ll be back,” she said softly.

Kaz met her gaze, unflinching. “Don’t make promises you can’t keep, Zenik.”

Nina bit her lip but nodded in acknowledgment. Kaz didn’t deal in hope, and Nina couldn’t blame him for that. She shouldered her pack and headed for the door.

As she walked down the grand staircase and out into the cold Ketterdam morning, Inej caught up with her.

“Nina, wait.”

Nina stopped, turning to find Inej with that familiar look in her eyes — the one that said she saw more than what was in front of her. The one that had always made Nina feel like Inej knew her in a way no one else could.

Inej took a step closer, her voice soft but firm. “Take care of yourself. And remember, you’re stronger than you think.”

Nina swallowed hard, nodding. “I will, Inej. Thank you.”

The two women exchanged a silent understanding. No more words were needed. Inej was a reminder of all the strength Nina had left in her, even when it felt like she had none. She would carry that with her, too, on this journey.

As Nina walked toward the docks, the city slowly began to stir to life around her. The familiar clamour of Ketterdam’s streets was distant now, a background hum as her thoughts focused inward. She was leaving behind a part of herself here, a life she had known and the people she had grown to love. But another part of her, the part that still belonged to Matthias, was pulling her north—back to the frozen wasteland that had taken him from her.

Each step felt heavier than the last, but with each breath, she steeled herself. The weight of her mission settled over her like a cloak, protecting her from the cold, from the fear, from the sorrow that threatened to overwhelm her.

Matthias had fought so hard for this—fought to change, fought to live. Now, it was her turn to honour him. She wasn’t just carrying his memory with her; she was carrying his fight, his hope. And somehow, through the numbness and the pain, that thought gave her strength.

As she reached the docks, the scent of saltwater and wood filled the air. The ship that would take her to Fjerda bobbed gently against the pier, its dark sails standing stark against the early morning sky. It wasn’t a grand ship, but it was enough. Enough to take her where she needed to go. Enough to take her home.

Nina paused for a moment, standing at the edge of the dock, her heart pounding in her chest. She took one last deep breath of Ketterdam air, letting the wind carry away some of the weight she had been holding onto.

And then, with steady steps, she boarded the ship. The journey ahead would be long, but she was ready to face the unknown.

Ready to honour Matthias by living the life he had fought so hard to protect.