Demi The DM - Tumblr Posts

Have some highlights from my last dungeon and dragons session:

Me (the DM) describing the stoneskin spell: You watch as he becomes rock hard

My table full of my cis het brothers: uncontrolable laughter

*After five minutes and everyone calms down*

Druid: Keep going, *muffled giggle* the bard got hard and then what?

*My table loses it again*

Paladin: *Rolls five nat 20s in a row*

Also Paladin: *Doesn't roll higher then a ten during the entire combat*

*My Druid Brother nat 20ing his way into inventing a new npc* : I want to find the prisoner who has been here the longest

Me (DM): You see a haggard half elf

Brother: I hand him some food and tell him the revolution has begun

Me: Roll persuasion

B: Nat 20

Me: shit He nods and tells you "I am with you brother"

B: Whats his name?

Me *while quickly trying to make basic stats for this unplanned npc*: His name..is Oliver.?

B: okay........Does he have a hat?

Me:..............no

*later during combat during Olivers turn*

B: What are you rolling?

Me: Percentile dice

B: HE IS A WILD MAGE?!?

Me *lying through my teeth*: Uh Yes

B: OH HE IS SO COOL

Thus Oliver the wild mage was born