Beomgyu Series - Tumblr Posts

Just Pretend (BEOMGYU) CH2 - Ivory Petals

"Can I go to prom this Friday?"

My mom drops her bag by the door, "Prom? Do you have a date?"

"Well, yes!" I say, "I do. Can I go?"

"But... aren't prom dresses mostly sold out now?" She asks.

Shoot. I forgot about that part.

"I'm sure it'll be fine"

-----

"Well, you still have that dress from your 6th grade recital"

I sigh, "this is a disaster."

"Let me check my closet and see if I have anything," My mom says as she leaves the room. We just got back from the mall, empty-handed. It turns out you're supposed to buy your prom dress a few months in advance, not a few days before. Who knew?

"Y/N! Y/N!" My mom calls as she rushes back into the room, "You'll never believe what I just found!"

"What?!"

She shows me a stunning red dress, sequins sparkling, even in the dim light of our living room.

"Where did you find that?" I shriek.

"I found it in the back of my closet from an old friend's wedding. It's your size too! Isn't this a miracle?"

I smile.

"Thanks, mom"

----- 

Tap. Tap. Tap.

The rain falls around me as I wait in the driveway. I protect myself with an umbrella as I hope to see a pair of headlights pulling onto our street.

"I'm sure he'll be here soon" My mom reassures.

"I hope so," I sigh. Soon enough, a black car turns onto the street and stops in front of our house. Beomgyu jumps out of the driver's seat and runs up to us.

"I'm so sorry I'm late!" he gasps, "there was a lot of traffic getting here"

"It's fine" I laugh.

"So this is your date" My mom muses, "it's lovely to meet you..."

"Beomgyu" He answers, water dripping down his bangs and onto his face.

"Beomgyu," she repeats, "well, you two better get going if you want to make it in time!"

He lifts his sleeve to check his watch, "You're right! We're already late"

"Bye mom" I whisper as we hurry to his car.

He opens the door for me, smiling, and I slide into the passenger seat as he closes the door behind me. He then gets back into the driver's seat and starts up the car.

It's a quiet drive to the venue. I try and think of something to say or some way to thank him for agreeing to go with me. Maybe it would've been better to just confess to him... that way, wether he agreed to go or not, I wouldn't feel indebted to him.

"Thank you for doing this, by the way" I mutter.

"Of course!" He grinned, "to be honest, I'm kinda looking forward to going"

I laugh, "me too"

Soon enough, we've arrived at the location. We can see people filing into the venue through a small set of double doors.

"Wait!" He exclaimed, "I forgot something!"

He quickly parks the car and turns to the back seats, searching through various papers and receipts for something.

"Found it!" He displays a small, clear box. Inside is a delicate arrangement of ivory flowers, so bright that they seem to glow.

"Wow, it's beautiful" I admire.

"I wasn't sure what color your dress was going to be, but I figured white would probably match it, right?"

"Absolutely," I continue, still in a trance from the dream-like petals, "Beomgyu, I-"

"Here," He gently takes it from the box and adjusts it around my wrist. His warm hands graze mine as he traces my skin. He looks back at me, "perfect"

The corsage was pretty, yes, but it paled in comparison to his eyes. They had this depth to them, warm and sweet that seemed to spark a million emotions in my chest. He looked at me like he could see right through all my disguises. A cinnamon-tinted gaze that felt like coming home. 

"We should go inside, huh?" He murmured.

"Probably"

The car door pops open as he walks over to my side, opening the door for me once again.

I laugh, "Y'know, you don't have to pretend when no one else's around"

"I'm not pretending," he drawled, "it never hurts to be a gentleman"

I giggle. We walk towards the venue, only centimeters between us. As we inch closer to the doors, we're welcomed by someone I only vaguely recognize.

"Beomgyuuu~" He calls, "I thought you said you weren't coming?"

"Yeonjun!" Beomgyu greets, "I wasn't planning on it, but then Y/N asked me, so I agreed"

"OoOoh," Yeonjun teases, "Good for you, man. I'm glad you could make it"

"Oh, I should introduce you two. Yeonjun, this is Y/N, my date. Y/N, this is my friend Yeonjun"

My face heats up as he calls me his date, even though I know it's just pretend.

"It's nice to meet you," I call.

"You too. I have to say though, you're too pretty to be with someone like Beomgyu. Wanna be my date instead?" He flirts. If I wasn't blushing before, I definitely was now. "I'm kidding, just a joke. So, you two got your tickets, right?"

We both pause in unison, hit with the same haunting realization. We turn to each other.

"By any chance, did you..." He asks. I shake my head no.

"Damn, I'm sorry" Yeonjun laments.

My first time going to a school dance and I forget to buy the tickets. Just great. Beomgyu's going to think I'm such a fool and never talk to me again.

"What should we do?" I ponder.

As we reach the front of the line, Yeonjun apologizes, "I'm sorry guys, it's my turn so I really should go. I hope you figure something out though!"

We thank him and choose to exit the line, walking back into the parking lot. The rain decided to take a pause, so we sit on the curb in silence. 

"This is all my fault, I'm sorry. I ask you to go with me and fake this whole thing only to not plan enough to buy the tickets"

"Hey, it's okay," he comforts, "It was an accident. I didn't think of it either."

"Yeah," I mumble as I rest my head in my hands. 

"Besides, you were just doing this so your mom stopped bothering you about it, right?" I nod. He continues, "So, if we just kill time for a few hours, she'll have no idea that we didn't actually go to prom"

I chuckle, "yeah, but... I don't wanna waste your time on something like lying to my mom"

"I already agreed to go with you, didn't I?" He jumps up and walks over to the car, "let's go somewhere. It'll be fun"

Just Pretend (BEOMGYU) CH3 - New Moon

We slow as we come up on a red light.

"So... where are we going?" I ask

"You'll see" He answers.

He makes a left turn. As we continue down the road, fewer and fewer cars are seen. Finally, he slows into a small parking lot with no cars in sight.

"We're here!" He announces.

This time, I open the door for myself and step out onto the asphalt, breathing in the chilling night air.

We begin walking through the park, treading slowly over gravel paths. Our steps synchronize at a steady pace, but my heart is still beating rapidly.

The moon's glow brightens his side profile, eyes gazing down at the path before us and a subtle smile painted on his face. I didn't think about how difficult it would be to spend all this time with him, him whom I don't know all that well. I didn't calculate the struggle of pretending to date him, but making sure he knows I'm pretending. In my head, I'm not pretending. Not at all.

"So, why this park?" I ask, "I mean- it's a very nice park! Really! Just... why this one?"

"My house is near here, so I come here a lot" he answers.

"Cool, cool"

He exhales deeply, "but, I guess it also means a lot to me because it's the only place I can be..." he pauses in thought, "myself"

"What do you mean?"

"Well, it's not like I'm not myself with others, like at school, but I'm not fully honest either" he elaborates, "I'm still trying to make people like me. Still trying to hold up the expectations on me"

I think about it for a second. Expectations, what expectations? Isn't he perfect?

So I ask, "What expectations are on you?"

He goes silent. Was that the wrong thing to ask? He sighs, "I don't know"

"I mean, what image do you have to hold up? You're already perfect. Everyone likes you"

"That image. The image of this perfect guy with perfect friends and perfect grades and... and," he stops, "and a perfect dad"

Wrong thing to say! I keep my eyes away from him.

I start, "sorry, I didn't know"

"No, it's okay, you wouldn't," he replies, "I just can't imagine anyone looking at me and thinking I'm perfect. I'm such a mess" he laughs.

"You seem perfect to me. Seriously, your hair is better than mine and I spend so long each morning styling it" I joke.

"I do have that," he chuckles.

"You absolutely don't have to tell me if you're not comfortable with it," I say, "but what did you mean when you were talking earlier? About your friends and your dad?"

"Oh," he pauses.

"It's okay if you don't-"

"No, it's fine. I uh-, my dad gets mad because my grades aren't the best, but it's not like I'm being lazy. I guess it doesn't help that I'm trying to pursue music, he never was one for art. Always thought it was a waste of money"

"I'm sorry. That's hard, he just doesn't understand where you're coming from" I reply. I wouldn't have expected that, I can't even believe he's okay with telling me all this!

"It's just... do you ever feel like people don't understand you? Like they don't even try?" He asks, looking at me. We make eye contact. And this time, I don't break it.

"Yes" I answer before looking away, "all the time. Whenever I talk to others at school, they never really let me in"

"Really?" He asks.

"Yeah. Everyone just kinda assumes that I don't want friends. But even when I try, they never really... get me."

"Exactly. My friends don't either" He says.

"What about Yeonjun? You seemed like you were great friends earlier"

"I mean, I enjoy talking to him. But I feel like... he has better friends than me"

"Aren't you all one friend group?" I question.

"We all hang out together at school" he says, "but... I feel like I don't quite fit in with them. Like if I keep my head down, they let me tag along. But I-, I try not to be too much myself because I don't know if they'd like me if they really knew me"

"Maybe I would" I said, though it came out more as a question.

He glanced at me in shock, before it settled in a smile.

"Maybe"

-------

As we reach my front door, I pause and turn to him. He stops on the steps to the deck.

"I had a good time" I say.

He looks down as his lips tilt up, "yeah, I'm really glad we did this"

"I know that we were just doing this as pretend," I whisper, "but I think this is the first time, in a long time, that I've really had fun with-, with a friend"

He looks into my eyes for the last time that night and says, "yeah, me too"

Just Pretend (BEOMGYU) CH4 - The Group Project

Prom went way better than I thought it would. Don't get me wrong, I was stoked to be going with Beomgyu. But knowing that the whole time, he was doing me a 'favor'? I thought it would be super awkward. Especially when I realized that neither of us had tickets to the dance, I thought I blew it right then. But I didn't.

It's harder now. It was easy to have a crush on him when I figured that was all it would be, and maybe that's the same. However, now I know so much more about him. And I feel like there's a connection between us, like he's not as unreachable as he used to seem to me.

And when I said that I might understand him, he said maybe!!! Maybe! And that he had a good time! But... that doesn't mean that it'll mean something after that. He could've just been responding.

Despite that, I don't want to think that way. As I walk into the classroom and sit at my desk, I find myself getting excited for class. I grab my notebook and pencil case, thinking what my color scheme should be for today's notes. Well, it's raining today, maybe blues? I grab a dark blue pen and match it with a light blue highlighter. And maybe... a bright red! Red like the vibrantly colored umbrellas and raincoats. I title my page and add the date. Mesmerized by the notebook in front of me, I'm pulled out of my trance the second a certain someone walks in.

It's Beomgyu. And he looks perfect. He always does to me. His long hair is fluffed up as he saunters into the room. What do I do? Should I wave, or is that too much? Should I pretend I don't see him? Is that rude??

He looks over and meets my eyes. He brightly grins and waves. My heart skips a beat, eyes widening. I give a short wave back and stare down at the paper facing me.

Why do you have to be so awkward, Y/N! You're losing your chance!

----------

When the bell rings, I stroll over to his desk. I hesitate, but we're friends now, right?

"Hey" I greet.

"Hi" he grins, "how was your weekend?"

"Mine was good! What about you?"

He starts, "Mine was-"

"How's the new couple doing?" Yeonjun says a bit too loudly.

But it's fine, because most of the class had already left, right?

...Wrong.

I turned in horror as the rest of our classmates stared from the door. I guess I took for granted how small our class was. They all were much more invested than I feel they should be.

"YOU TWO ARE DATING?!" Someone yelled.

"Um, uh.." Beomgyu stutters.

Yeonjun interjects, "Yeah, they went to prom together. Did none of you know that?"

As he's talking, he turns to us. His face gets confused as he whispers, "What's wrong? Are you two trying to keep it low key or something?"

I grimace as Beomgyu finally answers the other students, "Um, yes. This is my uh, girlfriend, Y/N" The students that remain in the class seemed shocked, but most of them fled the classroom quickly.

Once they'd all left, Yeonjun asks, "What's up with you guys?"

"We aren't actually dating," I answer, "Beomgyu was just pretending to be my prom date, 'cause my mom wanted me to go, and.. yeah"

"Ah, I'm sorry.." Yeonjun apologizes, "you're a super bad liar though, Beomgyu"

He laughs as Beomgyu glares at him, I look down at the ground in guilt, "I'm really sorry Beomgyu. You're in this mess because of me. I'll help you fix it"

"Oh, It's not your fault! It's his," he glares at Yeonjun, "besides, I don't mind. We're friends, right?"

I nod. Friends...

He puts his arm around my shoulders and grins, "C'mon, girlfriend, we gotta get to our next class!"

I, however, am a fantastic liar. Because as we laugh together about how "we're just friends", my heart tears itself apart.

------

Rain pours from the sky, dripping down the window panes and onto pedestrians passing. A selection of patterned umbrellas shower the streets. I watch from the table on the second floor as people walk past.

It was our second class of the day now, history. And I'm feeling even more tired than this morning when I woke. I can't seem to focus, my mind cringing at the former scene and how my peers now know of my crush on Beomgyu, in a way. And yet, he still doesn't.

"-and you'll be choosing your own groups for the project"

What did the teacher say?? Choosing groups? This is the worst part of my classes. If I could just do the project on my own, that'd be easier. Now, I have to awkwardly glance at acquaintances and hope that someone partners up with me. If not, we'll have to do the whole "everyone without a partner raise your hand!" And I've had just about enough attention from my classmates today.

(BEOMGYU POV)

I turn to my friends, "should we all group up together?"

They aren't listening, they're talking about something else. Without me. It might be nice to work with someone else for a change, instead of having to nag them to do the work and feel like such an uncool friend.

"Oh! You all weren't in our first period, were you? Everyone knows about Beomgyu's girlfriend now, it was hilarious" Yeonjun laughs.

Huening Kai just gives him a blank stare, "Beomgyu has a girlfriend?"

Yeonjun stops, "yeah, they went to prom together? Y/N?"

Huening gasps, "YOU AND Y/N ARE DATING?!"

"It's not-" I begin.

"Shouldn't you work with her then?" Soobin questions.

"Yeah, yeah! You can get closer with your girlfriend" Yeonjun teases.

It feels like they're trying to leave me out again, like they dont want me in their group. I attempt to join back in, "but, aren't we always a group?"

"Well, yeah, but the groups can only have four people, so it just makes sense for you to work with her" Taehyun reasons.

Before I know it, they've pushed me in front of Y/N. And now we've made eye contact, and I'm making a fool out of myself in front of a pretty girl.

"H-hi"

"Hey" she says.

"Can uh, can we work together?"

"Sure!" She replies.

The class settles as everyone sits down with their group. However, the teacher notices our group of two and questions, "what's going on here? I said groups of four"

"W-well sir, we are going to work as a group of two" I stutter.

"It's gonna be a lot more work as just a pair, but if that's what you want"

I gulp as I turn to look at Y/N. She's turned away from me, staring out the window. I might be wrong, but I can't help but notice a faint blush on her face.

Just Pretend (BEOMGYU) CH5 - Favorite Color

"So, do you want to start on chapter five and I'll do chapter six?"

Me and Beomgyu sit alone in a corner of the library. It's fairly quiet where we're sitting, a snug corner filled with books.

"Yeah, then we'll start on the slideshow?"

"Sounds good!" He says.

We both open our textbooks and begin reading. It's silent, but a soft silence. The kind that's easy to fall into, forgetting how long it's been since someone spoke.

It's hard to think that someone who I'd only watched from afar is now my boyfriend. Even harder to remember it's only pretend.

However, I'm still proud of myself. All this time I've spent, closed-off, not connecting with anyone around me. Look at me now. I have a friend. And I think it might last this time. Even if I never tell him how I feel, having him here is enough.

I think back to what he said at prom: "I don't know if they'd like me if they really knew me." I wonder if no one's ever tried to get to know him. He has friends, but maybe he's never felt like those friends got to know the real him. Maybe he never let them. Maybe he's scared. Maybe I am too.

"Hey, Beomgyu," I start.

"Yeah?"

"What's your favorite color?"

He looks up from the textbook.

"Why do you ask that?" He questions.

"Just curious"

"Hmm" he pauses in thought, "pink"

I gasp, "pink? Really?"

"What's wrong with liking pink?" He grins.

"Nothing, it just surprised me. You only ever wear black"

I turn back to my book. It's true, he's always in dark colors. I figured that's what he liked, but apparently not. Such a bright color for someone so reserved. Like he's always trying to mask something.

"What's yours?"

"My favorite color?" He nods. "Yellow!"

He lights up, "wow, I figured your favorite color would be blue or something. Yellow isn't a common favorite, is it?"

"Not common, no," I reply, "but I like it. It doesn't try to make itself palatable for others. I respect that"

"I never thought of it that way," he said.

All of a sudden, Beomgyu's group of friends is walking up to us. I recognize Yeonjun, but the rest? I'm not sure.

"How's it going, you two?" Yeonjun asks.

I stay quiet. Beomgyu answers, "it's going well. What about you?"

"We haven't started yet," Soobin says.

They sit by us and we try to get back to our project. Their group is chattering on and on. Beomgyu lifts his head occasionally, but he mainly continues reading his chapter. Something Yeonjun says catches my attention:

"So she said one of her friends actually has a crush on Beomgyu"

Huening Kai jumps, "but he's dating Y/N?!"

"Well, they're not really dating, right?" Yeonjun turns to me.

My thoughts are racing, I guess there's nothing stopping Beomgyu from dating someone. Is it stupid to feel like we have something even though we only went to prom together?

"No, we aren't" I mutter.

"What do you think then, Beomgyu? Wanna give her a chance?"

I look to Beomgyu, but his smile has faded.

"Wether me and Y/N are actually dating or not, the rest of the school thinks we are. So, no. I'm not interested"

"I'm sure the school is not that invested," Taehyun states, "you can go on a date with someone else if you want"

"I'm not interested" Beomgyu repeats.

"Why not? Please, just give her a chance! What am I supposed to tell Minji, her friend will be so upset" Yeonjun insists.

"I've got a lot going on right now, I don't have time for something like that"

Soobin spoke, "like what?"

Beomgyu shuts the book closed, "I have a ton of schoolwork. No time for a girlfriend"

"That didn't stop you from going to prom with Y/N"

"That's different"

"How is it different?" Yeonjun commands, "honestly, I'm starting to think that you and Y/N are actually dating with how you're overreacting"

"I'm not overreacting," Beomgyu groans, "I'm just not interested. Why can't I say that? I'm allowed to not want to date your friend"

"Fine" Yeonjun says.

It goes quiet. Everyone is now doing their work, or at least staring at their laptops pretending to. Beomgyu taps me on the shoulder.

"Wanna go work somewhere else?" He whispers. I nod.

We stand and leave the library without a word to his friends. Silently, I follow him past the classrooms and out the doors. We find an area with few students. Sitting down on a bench underneath a large oak tree, I speak.

"I'm sorry. The whole fake dating thing is turning into a problem, isn't it? I can break it off, if you want. I don't want you to be fighting with your friends because of me"

"No, they're always like that" he says, bringing his knees to his chest.

"Really? It seemed like it was getting kind of..." I hesitate, "aggressive"

"They just-, don't listen to me. And will try to persuade me into doing stuff for them, or questioning stuff like why I don't want a girlfriend"

"Haven't you told them about your dad?"

"No" he states, "they wouldn't listen. If they did, it's not like they'd get it. Not like you would"

It makes me happy that he trusts me, though it shouldn't. He's talking about his problems with his friends. I add, "I'm okay if you want to date that girl. If you're worrying about my feelings, don't"

"I don't want to date her," he clarifies, "I'm not interested in dating right now. Everything in my life is already a mess, I don't need more... more things to feel like I'm messing up"

"Well, we've been pretend dating for a few days now, and you haven't messed anything up yet!" I joke.

He laughs, "you're funny"

"Oh, I know, Beomgyu."

Just Pretend (BEOMGYU) CH6 - Another Faded Polaroid

*NOTE: THIS STORY IS NOT REPRESENTATIVE OF THE MEMBERS IN REAL LIFE, IT IS PARTLY BASED ON THE CONTENT FROM THE MUSIC VIDEOS AND COMPLETELY FICTIONAL!! They're not actually mean it's just for the story 😭

(BEOMGYU POV)

It's lunch break, and I walk behind my friends on the sidewalk. I force a laugh and smile whenever they turn to me, but for the most part, I'm in my own world right now. I enjoy talking to Y/N, it's the only time I can talk about myself without judgement. My friends... I haven't tried talking to them about it. I have a feeling they wouldn't know what it's like to walk into a room and know everyone, and yet not a single seat has been saved for you.

As for my father, he always seems angry at me. I think he thinks I'm on the wrong track, and forcing me to think 'practically' is helping me so I don't regret my choices later. I just wish he had more faith in me, so he wouldn't assume that my choices are ones I'd come to regret.

I don't know Y/N that well. I don't know why she asked me to be her date to prom, she could've asked anyone. Maybe she figured I wasn't going with anyone else, which starts my racing thoughts. Worries of can everyone else see my insecurities? Is it obvious? Can everybody tell that I don't know what the hell I'm doing? I don't know.

And I do feel sometimes like I shouldn't be so honest with her. But, every time I turn to her, she always seems like she's listening to every word I say.

And right now, I just need someone to talk to.

"Beomgyu, you listening?"

"Huh?" I lift my head.

"So, I wanna give you another chance. I haven't told Minji yet, so you can still go out with her friend!"

I stumble over my words, "I-, I thought I said I wasn't interested"

Yeonjun laughs, "well, yeah, but that's just cause Y/N was there. It's nice of you to try to spare her feelings, but she's holdin' you back, bro"

"It had nothing to do with her. I just don't have time for something like that.. right now" I stammer.

"C'mon man, we all know she has a crush on you"

My face flushes, "why would you even SAY that? Y/N just-"

"You can be so oblivious," Yeonjun sighs, "Y/N is WAY obsessed with you. But don't miss out on something good because you're pitying her"

I grit my teeth, "I'm not pitying her. And I don't want to date your friend. I already told you"

Under my breath, I mutter, "sometimes, I don't even want to be your friend"

My friends stop as Yeonjun takes a firm step towards me, "what did you say to me?"

Suddenly, I no longer feel like the lost boy who stuck with friends who were no good for him because he was lonely. A rush of confidence takes over as I smirk, "Yeonjun, I'm starting to think you have a listening problem.

Or is it just your ego?"

He strides towards me, "what makes you think you can talk back to me? You think you're so cool now that one girl looks your way?"

"You always walk all over me like I'll come running back. Like you're better than me. What makes you think you can talk back to me?" I mock, "last I checked, this is just how you and me talk to each other now, Yeonjun"

He pushes me down to the sidewalk, "c'mon guys. Let's go"

And they follow behind him. Just like I knew they would. I look at the scrapes on my hands, then to their backs as they walk away.

Well, I knew this was going to happen eventually, right?

-----

(2 Days Later)

It's been a while since I've been to school. I didn't want to have to face Yeonjun. Or the others. I wanted them to think I was strong, and that their words couldn't hurt me. I felt like... if they saw me cry, they'd use it against me. In the moment, I felt like none of it hurt. Like it was the end of an era of pain and bottled-up feelings and tolerating it because it was all I had. They were all I had.

It was more than any one moment could capture, it was the culmination of many moments that I told myself weren't worth fighting over. Times when I'd get talked over. Times when I wasn't invited, and they'd come up with some excuse as to why. When there was a separate group chat. When I wasn't there for the inside jokes that, apparently, can't be retold. But it wasn't always this way.

Me and Yeonjun had been friends for years, way before the rest came along. We would spend so long just talking. I felt like he got me better than anyone else could. Then the rest came. It wasn't all at once, but slowly, more and more people were added to our friend group. I no longer felt like I was Yeonjun's best friend, even though he was mine.

Up until a few days ago, he still was.

He didn't use to care so much about what other people thought of him. Something changed. He wanted to be cool, he wanted respect, he wanted to get the girl he'd been chasing for years. And I was just someone from his past. Another faded polaroid. And he never wanted to take a new one.

So, I tried to make new friends. Tried to talk to others, break into the conversation. It seemed like having friends that treated me poorly was still better than being all on my own.

I went back to them. I accepted that I'd be walking in the bike lanes while they stayed on the sidewalk. I learned how to look busy when they were telling a joke I wasn't there for. I learned to be less so they could be more. So they could take more. Because on the outside, no one can tell that I don't have friends. No one can tell that inside, I'm still on the outside. And I thought that could be enough. It would have to be.

I haven't told her, but I noticed Y/N from the beginning. It was all so familiar. The panicked glances at the announcement of a group project, the seat in the back of the room, the headphones that weren't plugged into anything. Maybe that's why I felt so comfortable talking to her, it was like I already knew her.

I hope my friends-, er... I hope my old friends didn't notice that my hands were still shaking as I talked back to them. I wanted them to think I was indifferent about it all, I wanted them to think that. But... I'm not strong. Once they'd fled, I cried my eyes out. Because even if it was for the best, it still hurts. So I haven't been to school in days because I don't know how I will act when I see them again.

———

For the first time today, I pull myself out of bed and walk into the kitchen. I reach for a glass and fill it with water. Then my dad walks in.

He clears his throat, "are you feeling any better?"

"Yeah" I mutter.

He walks to the stove and begins cooking something.

"I heard you were having some trouble with your friends"

"Who told you that?" I ask.

"Your mom" he clarifies.

"Oh" I said.

I sit at the counter and slowly drink my water. It's silent, besides the sounds of him cooking. However, it isn't tense like it has been in the past. Just a normal father and his son.

He breaks the silence, "Y'know, I get how you feel"

"You do?"

"I've had fights with friends before too. It's hard when you had people you could be yourself around, and then you have to walk past them like strangers" he continues, "did you fight, or just fall out of touch?"

"Well, Yeonjun's not the same anymore. He used to be so fun, but... now he's just weird and obsessed with being cool. I was getting annoyed at him walking all over me, so I told him that. And..."

"Yeah. 'S probably because he's insecure, lots of teens act that way" he turns down the heat on the stove, "but you shouldn't be around people that are bringing you down"

"Mhm" I stare into the glass.

It's not common for me to go to my dad for advice, but I'm finding that he does actually know how I feel pretty well.

"Hey dad?"

"Yeah?" He answers while turning to me.

"Will... will I ever make real friends?"

He ponders on it for a moment, "it's hard when you're young. I think as you get older, you'll meet new people and it's easier to find friends that you actually have fun with"

Then, I think of Y/N. She always listens to me, and she's funny and kind, and when I talk to her I never feel like I'm putting up an act.

"How do you get closer to someone that you're only kinda friends with?"

"Hmm, that's a hard question," my dad answers, "ask them questions. Get to know them. People like talking about themselves." He finishes the food he's cooking and grabs a bowl from the cabinet to put it in, "just be open to people. Don't close yourself off. Let people get to know you, and you'll find people that like you. People that you can be yourself around"

He passes the bowl to me, "I made you some soup"

I look down at the steam rising from the soup, "thank you, dad"

He nods and walks out of the kitchen. Just before he leaves, he says, "I hope you feel better soon"

I smile, "thanks dad"

Just Pretend (BEOMGYU) - Series Masterlist!

Here's all the chapters so far of my Beomgyu fan fiction, Just Pretend!

Y/N meant to ask her crush to prom, but ended up in a fake-dating situation. As more people find out about their "relationship", they find a true friendship. But is that all it'll ever be?

Chapter One - Promposal

Chapter Two - Ivory Petals

Chapter Three - New Moon

Chapter Four - The Group Project

Chapter Five - Favorite Color

Chapter Six - Another Faded Polaroid

Chapter Seven - Back at It Again

Chapter Eight - I Need You

Chapter Nine - Star

Chapter Ten - Define Love?

Chapter Eleven - The Moment I Knew

Just Pretend (BEOMGYU) CH7 - Back at It Again

(BEOMGYU POV)

It was time for me to go back to school. I'd stayed home for a while, but I have history again today, and I can't leave Y/N to do all the work on her own. At this point, I can no longer avoid my old friends. I have to go. I have to be brave enough to try.

I throw on a baggy gray sweatshirt and shove my phone into the pocket. Then I grab my backpack and walk out to the doorway, tying the shoelaces of my yellow converse.

"Ready to go?" My older brother asks.

"Yeah" I open the door and we leave. The jingle of his several keychains can be heard as he unlocks the car door and we hop in.

He turns up the volume of some rock song. We drive in silence to school. As we wait to turn into the school parking lot, he speaks.

"So, finally going my back?"

"Yeah, can't hide from my ex-friends forever" I say.

He nods, "I think you'll be okay, Beomgyu"

I look to him in confusion, "Really?" I ask.

"Yeah, you're pretty tough. You've been through a lot, but you always pull through. I mean, look at your music. Even with everything else, you can work really hard when you want something"

I look away as a smile forms on my face, "thanks"

We slow as he parks the car. I grab my bag and close the door behind me.

"Hey," my brother says as he pats my back, "you got this"

I smile, "thank you, bro"

Then I walk to my class. When I go with my brother to school, I'm always a little late. The halls are empty, just the other late kids rushing (or not) to class.

I gently open the door to the classroom and walk in. I try to be quiet, but even the lightest of footsteps seem loud. I notice Yeonjun first, a dark glare from the seat next to mine. Then I see Y/N. She gives me a happy, reassuring smile. And I smile too.

------

The bell rings. As my old friends walk past, most of them ignore me, or give me a cold gaze, or even pretend to be happy and distracted. But Yeonjun... the look in his eyes is different. I knew him well enough to know.

It was forced, it wasn't even mean. It was almost, pained. Lonely. He looked sad. Like he was trying to seem cool and unfazed, but the shock in his eyes and the bags under them proved otherwise. I drop my head back down to my desk.

Once everyone had left, I pulled my backpack over my shoulders and walked out, alone. Except as I exit the room, I'm met with someone else.

"Hi!" Y/N greets.

"Oh, hey" I say.

"You've been gone a while, I was worried"

"Yeah, I'm sorry. I'll catch up on the work for our project, I just-"

"Not about the project!" She stammered, "about you"

I look into her eyes. My shoulders slump down at her expression.

"You were?"

"Y-yeah," she blinked, "so, is everything okay? are you feeling any better?"

"Well, It's still been rough," I sigh, "but I'm doing better"

Her eyes light up, "that's good! While you were gone, I-"

She stops as her eyes widen, "n-nevermind" her expression falls flat and she purses her lips, "I should get to class"

"What? Is something wrong?" I grab her shoulder.

She turns to me. Her face has significantly paled, "no, everything is fine. I have to go"

I watch as she runs away. She isn't even moving in the direction of class, just away from me. What's going on with her?

------

After school, I head to the library to meet Y/N and work on our project. I set the table with my laptop, textbook, everything we need to get to work. Then I watch the clock and wait.

Tick. Tick. Tick.

Minutes go by as I sit alone. My mind wanders, has she stood me up too? Did Yeonjun spread some mean rumor while I was gone? And I flinch as I think, does she hate me now, too?

But... she was worried about me. And I know she was. Her feelings emanate from her like an aura, so genuine, you'd be stupid to doubt them. She's my friend, probably my best friend these days.

So I open her number on my phone, typing out a quick message:

Me: Where are you? We're still working after school today, right?

I wait even longer. But it's been 40 minutes now. I even try calling her, but no one answers. Panic builds in my stomach, did something happen to her?

I decide to pack up my things and try going to her house. Something's up, she's been weird all day. I need to make sure she's okay.

Just Pretend (BEOMGYU) CH8 - I Need You

(Y/N POV)

"Sara told you to stay away from him. It's your fault now for not honoring that"

"Sara can tell Beomgyu how she feels! I don't see why me avoiding him is going to help. You need to deal with that on your own" I defend.

Sara scoffs, "how am I supposed to talk to him when you're always lurking?"

Remembering the fact that, as far as they know, I am his girlfriend, I continue, "YOU'RE the one that needs to stay away from MY man"

"He won't be your man for long" Sara begins rolling up her sleeves.

"Woah, woah," I panic, "you aren't-like, actually going to fight me, are you?"

They just continue walking towards me. I step back, but they speed up. Before I know it, I'm running away at full speed. Who knew that they really weren't kidding when they confronted me before. "Stay away from Beomgyu! He's mine!" I remember them saying. Oh well.

I can hear their footsteps pounding against the pavement behind me, catching up. I run way past the school, shoving past people walking by with "sorry!"s. That is until I slam face-first into something.

I breath in the scent of the soft fabric, relieved that my marathon is over. Then, I realize that I ran into a person. Whoever it is seems awfully familiar.

"Are you okay?" He asks nervously.

I look up into his eyes. Those same warm eyes that I fell in love with. Beomgyu couldn't have come at a more perfect time.

He wraps his arms around me, slowing down the thump thump thump of my heart. Time seems to slow, the people passing around me fading into a bokeh blur. I can only see him, and his dark, sparkling eyes passing over my face. Like he's making sure I'm okay. Is he? His gaze is wide, eyebrows knitted. He seems panicked, and he's also out of breath. Did he run here?

Then, his eyes shift to the two girls chasing me.

"Are they... following you?" He asks.

I nod quickly, "We gotta go"

He grabs my hand. As we're running, he looks back at me and gives me a smile. We go past buildings and houses, into side streets and alleyways. Until they're long out of sight. I'm not sure where we are now, in some neighborhood I don't recognize. Finally, we slow down to a walk.

"Beomgyu, where are we?" I laugh.

He exhales, "well, I know it seems like the middle of nowhere, but I swear this leads to my street"

"Your street?"

"Well we still have to finish our project, don't we?" He joshed, "you didn't show up to our study session today"

"Yeah, 'cause some girls were harassing me about you! Don't blame this on me" I ranted.

"Okay, okay" he laughed, "wait, about me?"

"Yeah, those two girls. Minji from our English class, and her friend's name was... Sara? I think"

He faltered, "wait, why were they chasing you, anyways?"

"Well, I was just trying to walk home after school-"

"Walk home? What about our study session?"

I pursed my lips, "I forgot"

He groaned, "Okay, continue"

"So, I was walking home, and they stopped me and tore me away from the sidewalk into this weird alley. Then, they began telling me off for talking to you today because I was 'ruining Sara's chance', and I was like, 'what does that have to do with me?'" I told, "So, after that they began threatening me. So I began running. And I just so happened to run into you!"

He seems to take it much more seriously than I try to, "they threatened you?"

"Well, they just started telling me how 'he won't be my man for long' and stuff. Then they were rolling up their sleeves, and, I don't know! Why would they act like that? Weirdos..."

All of a sudden, he's pulling me closer. As I wrap my arms around the thick material of his sweater, I find myself tearing up in his embrace. The unwanted interaction did hurt me, I guess I've spent a long time trying to pretend nothing ever did. But... he sees me. Better than I even do.

"Please tell me when anything like this happens," he breathed, "I don't want anything happening to you"

I cry, burying my face into his sweater. He just keeps holding on.

"I'm worried, beomgyu. If they do that just from me talking to you, how far are they willing to go?"

He separates from me, holding me by the shoulders, "then you call me"

He looks at me, and if I didn't know better, if I didn't have years of experience telling myself that he would never love me, I would say that he did. In his eyes, he looks like he loves me.

He swore, "I'll always protect you. You're one of the most important people to me right now, I...

I need you, Y/N. I need you to stay safe"

Just Pretend (BEOMGYU) CH9 - Star

(BEOMGYU POV)

I step into the entryway of my house, untying my shoes in the doorway. My brother saunters in holding a can of coke.

"Who's your friend, Beomgyu?"

"Uh, this is my," I whisper to Y/N, "do I say we're dating? Or fake dating?" She shrugs her shoulders. I continue, "this is Y/N. We are going to work on a school project"

He just rolls his eyes and leaves the room. I look to Y/N, her eyes passing over the room. She looks a bit confused, so I try to ease the awkwardness, "sorry, welcome to my house! That was just my brother"

"Oooh," She nods.

I guide her into the hallway and past several doors to my room. She continues to scan everything, like she's finally unlocking the key to a mystery. She takes notice of all my records and CDs lining the walls and filling the bookshelves.

"Wow, a lot of music" She notes.

I stand in the corner by my guitar, "yeah, it's one of my favorite things"

She browses the albums, looking over the covers, "Ooo, you listen to Lamp?"

"Yeah! Lamp's a great band" I smile. Yes! Finally, something we can talk about!

"Right?" She agrees, "For Lovers is good... have you ever listened to Her Watch?"

"YES, Her Watch is good too," I cheer.

It gets quiet as she continues looking through my collection. She gasps every time she recognizes an artist. I just smile, excited to have a friend with common interests.

Seeing if she knows any other musicians I like, I ask, "have you ever listened to Mitski? She's good too"

"Yes! I love Mitski" she turns to me, grinning.

"Really?" I buzz, "what's your favorite song from her?"

"Hmm... definitely Star! From her newest album?"

She likes the same bands AND the same songs, "that's my favorite too! That's crazy..."

"That's so cool," she sighs, "I love the lyricism in that song... how even though their love is over, she still views the memory of it as a star. Like even though their relationship has ended, she still finds hope in it"

"Wow, I hadn't really thought about it that way before, you're totally right" I discern. Yeonjun never liked the music I liked. I would always listen to the songs he liked so we could talk about them, but... he never did that for me. It's weird to have a friend like this.

I add, "I really like that one line, 'You know I'd always been alone 'til you taught me to live for somebody'. It always... hit me, for some reason"

She looks to me, "yeah, I like that line too"

And now that she's looking at me, I notice things I never noticed before. Her smile that slowly grows as she laughs, one corner of her mouth a little higher than the other. Her smile almost reads as a smirk. She has a few freckles on her face, one on her forehead and another by her bottom lip. I notice some on her hands as well. They lightly cover her skin like stars, just enough to form a constellation.

My heartbeat picks up. I feel a thump in my chest, but it must just be from running here earlier. I don't know what else it could be.

She tears my focus from the galaxy on her face back down to Earth, "So, we should probably start working on the project, right?"

"Yeah," I mutter, "we should"

-----

As it got late and the sun dripped down behind the houses, I offered to walk Y/N home. The walk was quiet. Her walking a few steps ahead and me, me. Me and my mind spiraling about her. And me worrying about why I keep spiraling about her. Me and her.

"See you tomorrow!" She calls out from her doorway.

I wave goodbye, "yeah, tomorrow"

When I get back to my house, my brother's standing by the door with a grin, still sipping the same coke that's got to be flat by now.

"So, Y/N," he begins.

I narrow my eyes, "what about her?"

"Sure she's just a friend?" He chuckled.

I rant, "of course she's just a friend! I barely even know her. We are just two people that have the same class, and we are working on a project for that class together, and we just so happen to get along okay. It's convenient. We are just friends"

"Hm," he taunts, "if you say so"

My face heats up as he laughs at me, "w-well why would you think otherwise?"

"Well, you're definitely right, just friends. I merely noticed that yesterday you were moping about in bed all day, and suddenly when you came home, you haven't been able to get that smile off your face"

I realize that I have, in fact, been smiling this whole time. I immediately switch it to a glare and cup my face to hide the blush creeping up on me, "well, that's just 'cause we... are good friends"

"Okay," he says, "at any rate, I'm glad you have someone that's making you smile"

-----

I spent the entire night tossing and turning. In the dark of my room, I couldn't get the shine of her eyes out of my mind. Cut it out! She's just an acquaintance! Thoughts flew through my mind, how do you know if you like someone? What if she's just a good friend and I'm not used to that, so I confuse it for a crush? What if I only notice her once we no longer talk, what then? What do I do?

I hug my pillow and squeeze my eyes shut. Trying to lure myself to sleep doesn't seem to work. I decide to scroll on my phone, somehow thinking the blue light will distract me from her. A text post emerges onto my feed:

"The more you hide your feelings for someone, the more you fall for them"

I throw my phone back down onto the bed, burying my head further into my blanket. It can't be... can it?

I grab my headphones from next to my bed, putting them on and connecting them to my phone. Opening Spotify, I search up a song and press play.

Remember when we met

We acted like two fools

We were so glad

So glad to have found it

That love is like a star, it's gone

We just see it shining

It's traveled very far

Author’s Note: I know I usually don’t leave one of these, but I can’t not. It’s too silly to me. I made a post yesterday saying that this chapter would be out March 27th. But then I checked the date on my phone, and it was March 27th, I thought, “no! This needs to be out tomorrow!” So I edited the post to be March 28th. It only occurred to me today that it was so late at night when I made the post that it was already the next day XD so I hope those of you that saw my post enjoy an early upload! Also, sorry it’s been so long since the last upload! But I am back!

Just Pretend (BEOMGYU) CH10 - Define Love?

(BEOMGYU POV)

It finally came, the day of the group project. Me and Y/N had prepared our slideshow, and also got some practice in. We had to present in front of the entire class, but I didn't find myself feeling super nervous. We were ready!

Having told my mom about the big day, she ironed out my shirt for me and made sure everything was all set.

"Mom, I told you. It's just a slideshow for history class"

"I know sweetie, but I just want to make sure you have everything you need" she said.

I continued, "no one's even going to notice what I'm wearing! They're just going to wear what they always do"

She called as I got ready to tie up my yellow sneakers, "Beomgyu, wear the new converse I got you! The blue ones"

I whined, "Why? I haven't broken those in yet"

"You need to look crisp!" She yelled.

-----

She also drove me to school, insisting that if my brother took me, I'd be late and miss the whole class and get a zero. Which, isn't too far off. Except now I'm 20 minutes early.

"Bye honey, I love you!"

"Love you too," I mumble.

I take the long way to my classroom. If I show up super early and it's just me and the teacher for a quarter hour, it'll be awkward.

I stop by the tree that me and Y/N sat at that one time. After the fight with my friends. The leaves shake and flutter above my head. I never noticed in winter, but it must be a cherry tree. The petals are now blooming a sweet bubblegum color, floating down in the dewy morning breeze.

As the ringing of the bell creeps up on me, I start to make my way to the classroom. As I'm reaching our hall, I see Y/N before me. She waves and jogs over.

Oh no. Oh no no no.

She smiles at me. Don't smile at me like that. Don't look at me like that. Her eyes glitter as she runs over. Her hair is curled slightly, and she's wearing a long, navy dress. Her mom probably also told her to dress nicely.

"Hey! Ready for our presentation today?" She greets. And her voice is so soft and kind. And she smiles, gosh, her smile. My heart aches for the love and comfort I feel with just a grin from her.

Don't make me fall for you. What am I supposed to do then? How can I recover from that? Don't make me fall for you just to be rejected. Don't give me another thing to pretend to not care about.

"Hello?" She waves her hand in front of my face, "Beomgyu?"

She says my name and it's like I've never heard it before. Like it's my first time hearing my own name. Like it was made for her to say it. Like every moment, every memory from my life was only a prologue leading up to me meeting her. Like the story starts now, and I've never known myself until I've found who I can be with her.

She grabs my hand, "Beomgyu, are you okay? You're just standing there"

Finally, I snap out of my daze as I feel the warmth of her hand in mine. My face heats up too.

"Y-yeah. Just nervous about the presentation"

"Aw, don't be! I'm sure you'll do fine" she reassures.

But in my mind, I can't stop thinking about her. And if I have a crush on her. And if she likes me the same way. And if she doesn't.

"What if I don't?"

She laughs, "well then, just mess up in a funny way. At least it'll be entertaining"

The bell rings loudly through the hallways, but my ears zero in on her laugh. And for a moment, I think that I'll be okay with her loving someone else. It's enough just to make her smile. If I can make her laugh even once, it'll be enough for me.

"Should we get to class?" She asks, leaning in while keeping eye contact.

My breath catches in my throat. I just barely get out, "yeah, let's go"

-----

The presentation went well. I was able to calm down enough to present with Y/N, though my heart was racing the entirety of our slideshow. It still hasn't really stopped.

My last class ends and I begin to leave the building. As I reach the school gates, I see Y/N standing off by herself. Her hair is blowing so gracefully in the wind, her eyes gazing down at the sidewalk. Suddenly, she catches my eyes on her and grins.

"I keep forgetting that we don't need to work on our project after school today," she jokes.

"Y-yeah" I gulp. She's making eye contact with me. What do I do? Why do I suddenly feel so weird around her?

She fidgets with the straps of her bag, "so, got any plans for the weekend?"

"Nope" How am I still going to see her if we're not working on the project together?

"Then, uh.."

She looks at me. I feel my face flush scarlet. I turn away and hide my face with my hand, pretending to be deep in thought about something.

"Then, I guess I'll just see you around"

"Mhm" I nod, still facing away from her.

I hear her footsteps as she pats off. Once she's farther away, I turn back to her and stare.

Oh, Y/N. Look at me, pretending to be just friends. In reality, I'm already so far gone. My definition of 'love' was never complete, because the missing piece was always you.

Just Pretend (BEOMGYU) CH11 - The Moment I Knew

(Y/N POV)

Yesterday, I worried all morning and tossed and turned the night before, fretting what would happen to me and Beomgyu once we finished our presentation.

The presentation went well, but not me and Beomgyu.

Since I showed up that morning, he had been acting strange. I woke up early to do my makeup and hair, trying my best to look nice. My mom thinks it's because of the presentation. But really, it's because it was the last time we were forced to work together, and I hoped that if I could look good enough or sound smart enough, he would stick around.

However, he was distant the entire day. Like those pictures you see of the milky way galaxy, he seemed to be orbiting a whole other sun.

He performed well when it came to the slideshow, but I didn't see him again all day. It's like he was hiding. He had been dodging eye contact and muttering to himself since he got here. Was it something I did? I worry. I think back to me grabbing his hand earlier, shoot! I probably weirded him out and now he hates me, and, and... these nervous thoughts followed me all day, like the cherry blossoms in the spring air. Except far less pretty.

I practically ran to the front gates of the school. If I could see him just one last time before the weekend, maybe somehow I could... keep myself in his thoughts? He walked slowly from the classrooms, eyes down. When he finally looked up and saw me, he practically froze. Has he actually been avoiding me? What did I do?

I still smiled and ran over to him, "I keep forgetting that we don't need to work on our project after school today"

He gulped, "y-yeah" His eyes seemed to jump around, rarely meeting mine.

If I messed something up, I want to fix it! But how am I supposed to fix it if we never talk again?

"so, got any plans for the weekend?"

"Nope"

I went to prom with him (kinda), I talked to him once he lost his old friends, he helped me escape people that were bullying me, we've done this whole project together, how can we just move on as acquaintances after that?

"Then, uh," my mind raced as I tried to think of something we could do together, some excuse to meet up.

I looked at him again. He looked almost... agitated? He turned away and covered his face. I breathed a sigh. Then again, if he were to fall in love with me like I hoped, wouldn't he have by now?

"Then, I guess I'll just see you around"

He was still looking off somewhere. Maybe at someone else. Maybe at nothing at all, "Mhm"

I turned and began walking home. Once I was farther away, I felt tears start to well up in my eyes. I cried silently the whole way home.

Maybe it's stupid. Maybe I'm the one being unrealistic. But I really thought we had something, or maybe I just really believed we could've. I shouldn't have invited him to prom, it just made my feelings worse. And now I have to accept that we could've been, but we never will.

My feelings will just be fog on a window, obscuring my view but clear to him. My warm welcomes just melt at the hands of his cold gaze. And I'll have to be okay with that.

-----

I sip my warm latte, steam floating up and warming my face. I listen to the tap tap tap of the icy rain against the metal roof.

In this quiet morning, I just scroll through Pinterest. Saving photos of cute animals or funny memes. Just relaxing.

I hear something hit the window. I look out there, but I don't see much through the condensation on the glass.

Again, a knock. Is there some animal messing with the latch of the window? A squirrel that went a bit crazy?

The sound continues, so I finally close my phone and unlock the latch of the window to see what is going on.

"What is-"

I freeze in my spot at my desk. My eyes now wide and glassy.

Soaked from the rain. Eyes red; he's been crying for a while now. Hair all messed up. A slouch to his posture, shoulders weighing him down. Arms flat at his side. A pleading look.

"I didn't know where else to go," he mumbles.

A roar of thunder. A flash of lightning. A shiver as he stands before me. I'm still so shocked. I was worried I'd never see him again, but here he is. And that was the moment I knew, for sure this time.

This was real.

I finally call to him, "Beomgyu?"