Spotify Wrapped Memes : @polarnoid ( Astarion ) For Birdie # 95 Big & Scared By Raleigh Ritchie

🪐 — spotify wrapped memes : @polarnoid ( astarion ) for birdie # 95 ▶ big & scared by raleigh ritchie

THERE IS DANGER AHEAD, she knows. the parasite in her mind doesn't make itself known, most days, but birdie is well aware that it is only a matter of time for her if she does not rid herself of it. & ridding herself of it will be treacherous, but at least she is not alone. & at least tonight — at least here — there is some beauty to be found. she & her companions have made their temporary camp in a lush valley, & birdie has drawn away from the rest to perch at the riverside humming to herself, weaving the wild poppies & daisies growing there into a chain.

well used to being on her own, birdie senses more than hears the presence of another, & turns to see astarion regarding her from a distance. without breaking her tune, she flutters a hand toward him, beckoning him to approach before patting the empty patch of grass at her side, a clear invitation to join her. ❝ come & take a break, step into the sun. ❞

🪐 — spotify wrapped memes : @immobiliter ( silver ) for izzy # 47 ▶ don't let him go by reo speedwagon

THE UNBROKEN HORIZON is an unwelcome sight, izzy's frown deepening as he scans for any sign of approach & finds none. ❝ how can we wait anymore ? ❞ he questions. despite the renewed sense of purpose he had found upon joining the fight against the crown, patience was not a virtue he'd been blessed with. & silver seemed to hold confidence their leader, near as he could tell. but in truth, izzy still wasn't certain what to make of the legendary captain flint & his ever-shifting plans to stoke the war. the uncertainty of it had left him feeling restless, mistrustful. ❝ i'm still wondering what it is we're even waiting for. ❞

🪐 — spotify wrapped memes : @shadowcovcn ( edward ) for izzy # 98 ▶ rodeo by lil nas x

THOUGH HE'D THREATENED to leave more than once over the long years they'd sailed together, it had always been spoken out of frustration, empty of any genuine truth. but izzy can tell by the hard look in ed's eyes that this is different — this is real. ❝ i thought you would stay with me. ❞ terror wells up inside him, the idea of a future without his captain at his side utterly unknowable. ❝ i'm yours, you're mine. ❞ his hand flexes, longing to reach for ed. but izzy resists the urge toward gentleness, as he always does. instead he curls his fingers into a fist at his side, well-worn leather tightening over his knuckles. even now, his body remembers its place. yet his voice proves more difficult to control, words that are entirely-too-honest spilling out of him in a panic before izzy can stop them. ❝ & what am i gonna do ? i don't have a clue — there is no me without you. ❞

some little blog updates :

● i'm working on a new carrd, but it's a slow process. thanks for your patience ! ● i'll be adding back some old dropped muses, as well as some new ones & some "secret menu" but requestable character options that are really just here for my friends ( & sometimes one specific friend lol). stay tuned for the full, updated list. ● i'm going to consider this blog to be in a state of permanent semi-hiatus for the next year or so while i'm in grad school. activity until then will remain spotty. ● on that note, i think i'm going to unfollow some folks that i haven't yet interacted with. while i really wish i could write with everyone, the truth is that i'm just not in a space to accept new partners at the moment. so unless we already write, it will likely be awhile before i have the time & energy to reach out. until i graduate, this blog will be pretty much entirely geared towards my existing partners & close friends who have gotten used to waiting actual eons between replies.

thank you all for your understanding ! i genuinely adore every single one of you !

🪐 — spotify wrapped memes : @walkpathe ( edward ) for izzy # 44 ▶ my limb by hayley williams

❝ IT'S FUNNY — ❞ izzy speaks the lie with bitter irony in his tone, both of them well aware that there is precious little humor to be found here. ❝ of the two of us, you always were the gentle one. ❞ over his long years spent as blackbeard's sword, izzy had always known that he might one day pay a heavy price for his devotion to the defense of their shared myth. he had accepted the potential cost to himself years ago, the price one he was more than willing to pay to keep them safe. but what he'd never expected was for the worst hurt he had endured by far to come from his captain's own hands. & despite his stubborn desire to ignore the loss, it seemed that a wound took twice as long to heal when it was inflicted by someone you loved. ❝ when we first met, you were like a shy little rabbit, teething on a shotgun. ❞ his phantom limb tingles with an itch that can no longer be scratched.

some a lot of thoughts re: stede in s2 & the most recent episode pair in particular : — expect spoilers if you keep reading ! —

stede as a character has been both very interesting & a bit infuriating to me this season, & i will likely extrapolate most of these points into a more organized meta at some point, but i just really wanted to talk about some parts of his arc that i am finding particularly compelling at the moment, with a strong focus on the most recent two episodes. so without further ado, let's dive into my thoughts :

stede has always been absolutely desperate to be a "proper" respected pirate — that has been his primary self-fulfillment desire since before he met ed. & that is how their dynamic begins in s1 — with ed teaching him how to be more fearsome & earn both fear & respect.

the goal of being a "proper" pirate is heavily tied up with what i think is one of the most obvious (if not the penultimate) themes of the show: masculinity. & masculinity, as understood by the vast majority of pirates around him & as it is framed in in stede's childhood trauma ("this is what a man's work looks like"), revolves around violence & specifically the ability to kill. this has been one of stede's primary struggles over the series — his (& ed's) unwillingness to kill, which he is told repeatedly is reflective of his inability to live up to the ideals of masculinity.

so now, as of the most recent two episodes, he has finally achieved his goal from the first season of being a feared pirate in his own right, with the citizens of the republic of pirates are singing his praises & literally ready to die for him. & he achieved this status by "wasting ned low." so he is finally living up to that masculine ideal — & being handsomely rewarded for it, socially speaking.

but what no one save the crew of the revenge knows is that stede didn't gain the upper hand on ned using violence — he beat him by talking it through with his crew, & asking "what if it weren't like that" in regards to the toxic vibe ned had created on his ship. ned low was NOT taken down by violence — his killing was extraneous & unnecessary in the sense that the victory had already been won.

i think that it's very telling that stede sees a flash of that same childhood trauma when he kills ned. & watching that scene, it's obvious that in the moment, he didn't like it, it didn't feel good to kill someone who he didn't need to. but what does feel good is the attention he is getting from the pirate community at large. he's a leo ass bitch who loves the glory, & loves feeling like he's finally fitting into society ("the gentleman pirate's the dude!" after setting a man on fire), but i think that he has forgotten that he originally went to sea to escape those kinds of pressures. but toxic masculinity ideals permeate all aspects of society, including piracy, & stede has a very externally-motivated sense of self worth. so when he is praised for killing a man, he leans into it.

& what stede doesn't realize is that his crew (& ed) like him because he doesn't fit that masculine ideal, because he has a different way of doing things. i don't think it's a coincidence that jim & olu (the heart of the crew) decide they want to leave to travel with zheng (following their hearts) as soon as stede starts being That Guy who's all about his big bad pirate reputation.

i also don't think it's a coincidence that stede gets his ass utterly beaten by zheng so shortly after killing ned low. i saw a post about this already, so apologies to the person who i am paraphrasing, but when stede killed ned & thus became a "real pirate," he left the world of muppetry low-stakes tom-foolery that exists on the revenge behind, & became an actual pirate whose actions have actual consequences. the reason that the muppet tricks he used to beat izzy in the duel in s1 didn't work on zheng is because he's a real boy now — & real boys can bleed.

& when we consider how this all plays against ed, who is finally finally finally realizing that he doesn't have to (or want to) live that way, we see some really interesting parallels. looking at their early s2 reunion fantasies, we can see a dramatic difference in how they see an "ideal" stede. in stede's, he has a beard, he is wearing no fine silks or decorative clothes, and he kills izzy without any sign of remorse. but in ed's, stede is just this magical beautiful being that ed feels safe with & like he can breathe around.

i think it would be really silly to say that stede is leaning into these masculinity ideals because of ed — this has always been about him & how own insecurities. but i do think there is an element of 'this is what ed wants me to be' happening in his thoughts, even as ed desperately tries to tell him, over & over again, that's not what he needs or wants from a partner, & not what he loves about stede.

& this brings us, finally, to their canonical 'first time.' which i must confess, i have some mixed feelings about as a stede writer. yes, they clearly both wanted it in the moment, there was consent given. yes, it was sweet & romantic & hot with the fireworks & the song & all. & while stede did just kinda grab ed & interrupt him (after he brought up his father no less), given how the morning after scene went (& the fact that ed's spiraling didn't appear to really start until later at the republic of pirates), i think we can assume it was still an overall good experience for them both. but i also think that stede was very much acting in the spur of the moment & without full awareness. he says to izzy in episode 5 that he is "better in the field" & that "i just sorta black out & my body takes over," & i think that's actually very true. i think there was an element of that "blacking out" happening to him in this moment. he was feeling a lot of emotions — not least of which was the adrenaline & fear from having watched ed be tortured & potentially killed, which can absolutely result in an intense need for physical closeness — & his body just took over. & while that reaction is realistic & understandable, i do still kinda wish that he would have just been in a little more of a stable mindset, a little more present when they finally had sex for the first time — especially given how 24 hours ago, ed had asked him to take it slow. i think they both deserved that much.

all this is made more poignant by the simple fact that stede's behavior while initiating their first time is textbook masculine behavior. use no words, grab your lover bodily, shove them against the wall, & kiss them silly. & that's all well & fine — amazing even if that's what ed wants ! but does he ? we don't know for sure, because stede didn't actually ask. & this is indicative of the much deeper issues at play in their relationship which come to a head in their split in ep. 7: if they truly understand not just who their partner is, but who they want to be. & they cannot figure that out together if stede doesn't even know it about himself yet.

& the simple fact that ed is actually doing a lot more than stede at the moment to redefine his sense of worth & act in a way that honors his emotional & self-fulfillment needs even if it's outside his comfort zone is really telling to me about how deeply stede is in denial with himself about who he really is & what he really wants at this moment. i mean, even izzy is doing a better job deconstructing his masculinity & finding his self confidence at this point in the series — izzy ! come on, stede, you're being lapped by the slow horsey !

in conclusion... stede get your shit together challenge ! we will wait to see how the finale goes, but i really hope that he can come to understand that... he doesn't have to be That Guy, if he doesn't want to be. he doesn't have to kill or live up to some standard of manhood in order to be worth something. he was fine before, when he was still kinda soft & frilly. he was loved ! he was good enough ! edward loved him before, just like he was. even his crew found family had come to love & rally behind him, just as he was. & if he doesn't start to understand that he was fine the way he was, & stop trying to force himself into this little masculinity box to please the rest of the world, then i think he is at serious risk of losing both ed & the crew.