Vent?? I Guess - Tumblr Posts
Not feeling the best right now... Feel too feminine...even though I identify as a boy...
Have a few facts about me.
Tw: Vent and hypersexuality mentioned.
i feel disgusting and shameful of my h0rny self ... Like why cant I go give second without thinking about s3x or wanting to do sexual thing....like I even went to therapy for my sexual assaults that were against me but that doesn't help ...
I'm half tempted to draw Valentino sobbing and tied up while Exel laughs at him. I don't know why but...i just want to ...
something is definitely wrong with me. Maybe this image will help those understand why who don't know...
Warnings: Mentions of CNC,Sexual violence and Rape.
Also credits to artist.
sorry but the posts I plan to do will be postponed due to me just getting out of a behavioral institution. So yeah. I'm fine though.
(Credit to the creator of the image who I forgor the name of.)
I need to take the rest of the day off of tumblr. I keep forgetting how bad social media is for my mental health.
★Star ⭐✨★
(this is just a doodle)
Charaters used:
•Jim: created by meh
(Bro i am felling suicidal for now 4 FUKING WEEKS. Thats worring. But anywayssss, trying to get some people see my art [not gonna happend] before i go insane and kms!1!1!1)
It’s crazy how low self-worth fucks with peoples lives
The moment when you know it's your fault for winding up in summer school but you still complain and have the 24/7 urge to cry and jump off a bridge
Knowing I have to take my junior year of highschool seriously when I could barely take two weeks of summer school seriously is gonna kill me
When there so much you haven't done and all of it is due tomorrow.
My life is h*ll right now 🙃
Hey yea sorry I havent been as active as before on here a lot of shit has happened but like have this ig
I’m tired of caring for people that don’t care about me in return, but I also refuse to pursue your careless way of living,
Imma just say it,
Seeing your parents cry or grieve someone is weird, not in the sense that "Ah they souldnt do that" they are human too yk its normal but just- seeing it
You do not know how to maneuver around it, you don't know what to do or say. Parents are always strong you never see them just break down like that or just have this cloud of sadness over them. It's almost alien, to me at least
Is that bad? Idk I have this feeling in my gut it is but again idk what to do about it
I'm high? Yes, I'm high!! fucking high. <33
Gayness. Tw maybe???
you know your family is fucked when your 70 year old grandparents are more accepting than the dumbass homophobes who literally popped you out Arthur Morgan style. Like, ok, this might be long but bear with me. When my mom caught on that I *might* be a queer, she said that she was bisexual and that my dad 'is probably bisexual too" (like uhm?) And I was all "okay cool I can date girls and boys!". WHEN I CAME OUT AS TRANS she totally flipped on me. Said it was 'just a phase' and that I was 'niave and oblivious' basically called me stupid. When I came out to my doctor, she was totally chill and I was ecstatic. My mom said on the car ride home that she "just thought I was lesbian". WOW. MY THERAPIST HAD TO EXPLAIN THAT I CAN BE TRANS AND LESBIAN. WTF WOMAN??? my dad though....omg. he literally dragged me into his truck and gave me a talk about how I was confused and asked me what made me want to be a boy. HE MADE ME RESEARCH AND RIGHT A WHOLE FUCKING ESSAY. I TOLD MY THERAPIST AND SHE TOLD ME HOW HARMFUL THAT WAS. I CRIES FOR HOURS AND HE WAS STILL POUNDING ME ABT IT. I don't talk about it anymore. I look like a boy, yeah. They know I go by a different name. They just avoid it all together.
NOW. MY GRANDPARENTS!!! OMG I LOVE THEM TO DEATH. My grandma was going through my school yearbook and say that I was using a different name on my yearbook (I wrote it in there and she knows that my friends don't call me my birth name) and her first reaction was "Hey I know that kid!". She also asked me if i still use that name and I said yes. She'll also drop hints about me looking handsome and once called me a prince. She isn't as adapted to all the genders and pronouns and sexualities but she enjoys learning. Like genuinely enjoys when I explain. She uses all of my friends preferred names and pronouns. My mother does not. My mom is more used to the gay stuff. My grandma is learning. My grandpa doesn't rlly care lol.
Does anyone understand how fucked up that it? My mom's family is more supportive than my mom.
I woke the same as any other day, you know I should've stayed in bed
"My kid is ok, they don't have trauma"
Bitch your kid learned english alone when he was less than 10 years because you didn't know the language and so the kid felt more secure talking about things in english because it gave them the sense of control and privacy
Bitch your kid learn to dissociate in english because that's more safe and now sometimes they can't remember their own native language because their brain lock itself in english
Bitch your kid likes more english and talks better in english than their native language because they feel more confident and safe like that
Random like vent post that applies to us lol
Host be like
"We don't have any sexual trauma, wdym??"
And the 4 sexual protectores, 2 trauma holder and 2 sexual alters just look at him with an "are you serious??" face
I'm a bit bored, I should probably work on English class work, but my brain says no, and I have no real control, lol.
Anyways, fictionkin shit, this is gonna be talking about my biological parents as Zuki, so there will be trigger warnings. All of this is just to do with my life as Zuki, I have problems with my parents here, but not as bad.
Tw: hinted at sexual assult not said by name but still, physical abuse, emotional abuse, verbal abuse, child abuse, bullying, scars, burning/fire, and maybe more? Idk if there's anything to add, let me know.
My bio father as Zuki was a horrible abusive asshole. He was not the first guy to get my bio mother pregnant [as my old sibling is my half-sibling from my mom]. He told my mother that if she just had one kid with him, then he would be "happy" (not his actual words but whatever). So I was the kid that came from this "agreement".
But when I actually got the first part[s] of my quirk at the age of 4, which included wings (which came from my sib's bio father pretty much, it's hard to explain exactly), he was fucking pissed but couldn't do anything cause my mother did what he wanted, she had one kid with him (just not the kid he wanted).
At the age of 7, the other part of my quirk came in. Which is/was essentially the ability to "drop" my body and become a "spirit," I guess you could say. It freaked people out, causing a lot of bullying and shit. Anyways, that just made my bio father [I hate calling him that, but whatever] hate me more.
He was always "aggressive" and abusive, I mean, he didn't get physical to me until I was around 5 or so. I also couldn't actually speak until I was at least 7, and then it was about at a like 2 year old level, basically. Anyways, he got physically abusive towards me when I was like 5, but he was always verbally and emotionally abusive towards me.
When I was like 11, my bio father got put into jail cause my old sib got into UA and told Aizawa about him and shit. I was happy that I was "free" from abuse [I wasn't really, but I was at least free from him].
My bio mother had an alcohol problem and would drink a whole lot. She wasn't really ever physically abusive when I was younger. But after my bio father got put in jail, it actually seemed to get worse with her towards me. Idk why exactly, but I believe it had to do with me kinda looking like my bio father and also my bio mother (she definitely had problems with self image and took it out on me).
My old sib didn't see the abusive side of our mother at all. They were the favorite child, they didn't look as much like our mother, I guess. They had seen only the loving side of our mother, which I knew existed but rarely saw when I was alone with her.
I always had a hard time admitting that my mother was abusive and shit. To me, it was deserved cause I was an unwanted pup that she was forced to have and care for. She still wasn't typically physically abusive.
When I was like 12 or 13, my bio mother left me alone in the house. She had slapped me to the ground before fully leaving as I was quietly "screaming" for her to not leave me. My older sib never knew this. As far as they knew, our mother was just really busy with hero work [I forgot to mention that both of my bio parents were heroes]. The only time our mother would be at the house is if I had called or texted her about my old sibling wanting to see her and shit. Then she would come home and act like everything was fine and that she still lived there and took care of me.
That went on until I was like 15, it was my second year in high school [another reminder that UA is a college and I was 18 in my canon]. My bio mother had been in a bad villain attack and was at the hospital and would never do hero work again and would have to be in the hospital for a while (years). After that happened, my old sib ended up becoming my legal guardian and shit.
My old sib was pretty busy with hero work since they were pretty much just starting out with their hero career. They asked Izuku's mom [Auntie Inko as I called her] to look out for me a lot, as she already was, and because me and Izuku were childhood friends who were re-becoming friends again.
Pretty sure if Auntie Inko had the full ability to support another child legally and shit, she would've adopted me. I was not an easy pup to deal with, though. I was very suspicious of her kindness and would fight her [I bit her a few times cause of being fearful and shit, I really regret that and shit]. I was sure that she would abandon me as well one day, of course this never happened [think of the moment in the movie Bolt where Mittens is talking about how "Penny is fake" that was kind of how I was with Izuku and his mom at first].
Anyways, Auntie Inko ended up basically being my parent until I got adopted by Dadzawa and Papamic.
I'm gonna go into a bit more detail, but not too much detail about my bio father's abuse now.
His quirk gave him wolf claws [not necessarily always out, but he kept them out almost all the time] that were able to use some of the elements (fire, water, etc. I guess) to hurt. It's kinda hard to explain rn, but basically, he could have his claws on fire [I use that example cause it was his favorite].
He would use his "fire claws" on me a lot when he wanted to hurt me. He burned me a lot with them, I had so many scars from him doing this a lot. I had one scar across my face that I got from one of those times that I hid with makeup for a long time. Eventually, I gave up hiding it, and when my friends asked about it, I would say it was old, and I just used to cover it up.
His abuse in this way made me very cautious around fire and shit [so yes I was very cautious and scared when Todoroki first started using his fire but I of course never said anything cause I was not about to discourage his use of his fire]. Fur and feathers don't really go with fire anyway, so yeah.
Idk if there's anything else I want to say but at least for right now, this is good. Sorry for 2 vent(?) posts back to back.
- Zuki Shay Lupo (They/hx/it)