Swwsdjian - Tumblr Posts

Heartstrings

Amaryllis moved about the apartment, her hands moving mechanically as she wiped down the kitchen counter, swept the floors, and straightened the cushions on the couch. Anything to keep her mind busy and occupied. She knew that Ian was coming over to talk, and the thought of it made her stomach churn with anticipation. She had a good idea of what he wanted to talk about, as he had been leaving her voicemails and text messages for months, apologizing for what he had done.

As she finished up the cleaning, Amaryllis took a moment to sit on the couch and reflect on how far she had come since the breakup with Ian. Just a few months ago she had been in a state of emotional despair, unable to even get out of bed in the morning. She had spent months going to therapy, working on her self-love and healing from the hurt that Ian had caused her. She had also been focusing on her music career, pouring all of her energy and passion into her art.

In the midst of her thoughts, Amaryllis was suddenly transported back to the phone call she had with Ian when they agreed to meet in person to talk. He had been persistent in his apologies, and she had finally agreed to hear him out. She had suggested that they meet at her apartment to talk because it was a private matter, and if either of them became emotional, she'd rather it be behind closed doors. However, she didn't explain this to Ian when they agreed to meet, not wanting to seem too vulnerable.

Shaking her head to clear the memories, Amaryllis stood up and took a deep breath, ready to face Ian and whatever he had to say. She knew that things between them could never be the same, but she was open to hearing him out and seeing where they could go from here if they could go anywhere.

As she waited for Ian to arrive, Amaryllis put on some music, allowing the melodies and lyrics to soothe her nerves. She couldn't help but feel a sense of pride at how much she had grown and changed since the breakup. And no matter what happened between her and Ian, she knew she had become stronger, more resilient because of it.

Just then, her phone rings and she sees that it is Shaun calling. She smiles and quickly answers the phone.

"Hey, Shaun," Amaryllis says, trying to sound cheerful despite feeling tingles all over in anticipation of what is to come. Shaun's voice was like a balm, soothing her worries away. "Hey, Amaryllis," Shaun replied, his voice calm and warm. "How are you doing today?"

"I'm okay, I just finished cleaning up the apartment," Amaryllis replied, taking a deep breath. "Ian's coming over to talk."

There was a moment of silence at the other end of the line before Shaun spoke up again. "Do you want me to come over?" Amaryllis considered the offer for a moment before shaking her head, even though Shaun couldn't see her. "No, it's okay. I think I need to do this on my own."

"Alright, but if you need anything, I'm just a phone call away," Shaun said reassuringly.

"Thanks, Shaun," Amaryllis said, appreciative of her best friend.

The two chatted a bit more, with Shaun offering words of encouragement and support until Amaryllis saw Ian's car pull up outside. "I have to go now. He's here," Amaryllis said, her heart pounding in her chest.

"Okay, remember to take care of yourself and I'm here for you, no matter what happens," Shaun said comfortingly. "Thanks, Shaun. You're the best," Amaryllis said, feeling more at ease.

As they hung up, Amaryllis took a deep breath and tried to calm her nerves. She knew seeing Ian again would be difficult, but she also knew she was stronger now.

As Amaryllis makes her way over to the door, she catches a glimpse of her reflection in the mirror in the hallway. Before, she was a mess - her hair was unkempt and her skin lacked its usual glow. But now, Amaryllis looks like a completely different person.

Her silver curls cascade down her shoulders and rest just above her waist, framing her face in soft waves. The dark roots at the top of her head create a gradient effect, adding dimension to her hairstyle. Her hazel eyes sparkle in the light, and her olive complexion glows with newfound health. She takes a deep breath, feeling confident in her appearance for the first time in a while.

Amaryllis adjusts her fitted black crop top, which accentuates her curves and draws attention to her neck and collarbones. Her high-waisted black pants fit her like a glove, hugging her curves in all the right places, while the flared leg adds sophistication to her outfit. The ribbed knit material adds texture and depth, completing the look. Amaryllis runs her fingers over the tattoo on her collarbone - a delicate script that reads "Nevertheless". She smiles at herself, remembering the tattoo's significance. On her left forearm, a geometric pattern stretches from her wrist to her elbow. And on her shoulder, a moody bloom bursts into life. Each tattoo reflects a different part of her personality.

Amaryllis finishes looking at her reflection in the mirror and smiles softly at herself. She turns away from the mirror, her attention now focused on the door in front of her as she waits for Ian to arrive. She takes a deep breath, trying to calm her nerves as she readies herself to face whatever comes next. It's been months since she's seen Ian, who went to school across the country, and the anticipation of their reunion builds up inside of her.

Finally, she hears a knock at the door, and she takes one more deep breath before opening it. Revealing Ian standing before her, she takes another deep breath as she sees Ian's auburn hair, tied into a low ponytail, framing his handsome features. His dark brown eyes scan her face, and his freckles add a boyish charm to his appearance. Amaryllis can't help but notice how much he's changed since they last saw each other. As Ian steps closer, Amaryllis notices that he's wearing their couple-set necklace. She almost reaches towards her neck, where she used to wear her half of the necklace, but stops herself as she realizes she's not wearing it.

"Hey," Ian says softly, breaking the silence. His voice is slightly shaky, indicating that he's just as nervous as Amaryllis feels. "You look amazing, Amaryllis."

Amaryllis feels her cheeks flush at the compliment, and she nervously tucks a strand of hair behind her ear. "Thank you," she replies with a small smile, motioning for him to come inside. "Please, come in."

As Ian steps inside, he immediately takes off his shoes and looks around the apartment, his eyes scanning the familiar surroundings. "It feels strange to be back here after so long," he says, his voice tinged with nostalgia and regret.

Amaryllis nods in agreement, "I know what you mean," she replies, leading him toward the living room.

Ian takes in the space with a curious gaze, admiring the minimalist yet cozy decor that exudes warmth. He notices a colorful abstract painting on the wall, which draws his attention.

"You redecorated," he observes, turning to face Amaryllis.

"Just a little," Amaryllis says as she closes the door behind him. "I needed a change."

Ian nods in understanding, but the air is thick with tension, and he shifts uncomfortably from one foot to the other. As they sit down on opposite sides of the couch, facing each other, Amaryllis can sense the weight of the past still lingering between them.

Amaryllis notices that Ian is looking a little uneasy, and decides to break the awkward silence. "Can I get you something to drink?" she offers, hoping to make him, as well as herself, feel more at ease.

Ian looks at her, grateful for the offer. "Sure, that would be great," he replies, his voice soft.

Amaryllis stands up and heads towards the kitchen, motioning for Ian to make himself comfortable. As she rummages through her cabinets, she can't help but feel nervous. This is the first time she's seen Ian in months, and the emotions she thought she had put to rest are resurfacing.

She takes a deep breath and focuses on the task at hand, pulling out a couple of glasses and filling them with ice. She opens the fridge and peers inside, trying to decide what to offer Ian. She spots a carton of orange juice and a bottle of sparkling water and decides to mix them together, hoping it will be to Ian's liking.

She pours the concoction into the glasses and makes her way back to the living room, where Ian is sitting on the couch, staring at the painting on the wall. Amaryllis sets the glasses down on the coffee table and sits down beside him, careful to leave some space between them.

"Hope you like orange juice and sparkling water," she says with a small smile, offering him a glass. Ian takes a sip and nods in approval. "It's good. Thanks," he says, his gaze meeting hers. Amaryllis can feel her heart racing as their eyes lock, and she quickly looks away, taking a sip of her own drink. The silence between them feels heavy, and she wonders how they can ever hope to bridge the gap that has formed between them.

"So, um, how have you been?" he asks, rubbing the back of his neck. Amaryllis takes a deep breath, trying to find the right words. "I've been good," Amaryllis says, trying to keep her voice even. "Just keeping busy with work and stuff." She takes a sip of her drink before continuing, "I'm also getting back into music," Amaryllis explains, her voice growing more confident. "I've been working on some new songs and building a platform online. It's been really exciting to see the positive response from people."

Ian nods, looking impressed. "That's amazing, Amaryllis. You were always so talented. I'm glad to hear you're pursuing your passion."

Amaryllis smiles softly, but her eyes betray a hint of sadness. "I won't lie, it's been a tough few months," she admits hesitantly. "But I'm pushing through and taking care of myself." 

As Amaryllis hesitantly admits that it's been a tough few months, Ian can see the sadness in her eyes. He realizes that the reason behind her struggles might be his own actions and feels immense guilt.

"I'm so sorry, Amaryllis," Ian says, his voice barely above a whisper. "I know I hurt you, and I hate myself for it. I should have never cheated on you. You're the most important person in my life, and I messed up everything."

Amaryllis tries to steady her breathing as she feels her eyes begin to water but refuses to cry. She takes a deep breath and asks Ian the question that's been weighing on her mind for months.

"Why did you cheat, Ian?" Amaryllis asks, her voice shaking slightly.

Ian looks down at his feet, feeling ashamed. "I don't know, Amaryllis," he admits. "I was stupid and selfish. I got caught up in the excitement of my new life and the attention I was getting from other people. I was feeling insecure and I didn't know how to handle it. But that's no excuse for what I did to you. I should have talked to you about how I was feeling instead of betraying your trust."

Amaryllis sniffles and wipes her bottom eyelid. "Ian, I deserve more than just an 'I don't know,'" she says, her voice cracking with emotion. "I was always there for you. I supported you in everything you did, even when things were tough. I never judged you or made you feel bad about yourself, no matter what. And yet, you still cheated on me."

She takes a deep breath before continuing. "I feel like you took me for granted, Ian. Like I was just some sort of safety net for you to fall back on whenever things got tough. You didn't even consider how your actions would affect me. Do you know how much pain and hurt you've caused me? How many nights I spent crying myself to sleep, wondering what I did wrong?"

Amaryllis continues, her voice growing stronger. "And now, you're sitting here in front of me, telling me that you don't know why you did it? That's not good enough, Ian."

Ian takes a deep breath and looks up at Amaryllis, his eyes filled with remorse. "You're right, Amaryllis. 'I don't know' isn't good enough. The truth is, I was feeling insecure and lost in my own life. I didn't know how to handle the sudden positive attention I was getting from other people when I went to study abroad. You know I was bullied a lot growing up, so I was never used to getting positive attention. But being in a new place where no one knew me, people started to notice me, and it felt good."

He looks down, feeling ashamed. "I know it's no excuse, Amaryllis. I should have talked to you about how I was feeling instead of betraying your trust. And you're right about me taking you for granted. I never appreciated just how much you did for me, and I'm so sorry for that. I never meant to hurt you, Amaryllis. I love you, and I hate myself for what I've done to you."

Amaryllis feels a lump forming in her throat as she tries to hold back the tears. She takes a deep breath and looks into Ian's eyes, trying to find some kind of reassurance. But as she speaks, her voice cracks with emotion.

"Ian, were you bored of me? Wasn't I enough for you?" she asks, her bottom lip trembling. "I loved you so much, gave you all my time and attention, and yet you still cheated on me. Wasn't that enough for you?"

As she speaks, tears start to stream down her face, and she feels her whole body shake with sobs. All of the hurt and pain that she had been holding back for so long comes rushing out at that moment.

Ian's eyes fill with tears as he watches Amaryllis cry before him. His heart breaks at the sight of her pain, and he struggles to hold back his own sobs. He takes her hand and squeezes it gently, trying to find the right words to say. "Amaryllis, no," he says, his voice breaking. "It's not about you. You were never not good enough for me. It was always about me and my own insecurities. I was feeling lost and unsure of myself, and I didn't know how to deal with those feelings. I turned to other people for validation, and I made a terrible mistake. But it was never about you, I promise."

Ian wipes away a tear from Amaryllis's cheek, feeling guilty for causing her so much pain. "You've always been more than enough for me, Amaryllis. You're the most loving, caring, and supportive person I know, and I took that for granted. I didn't appreciate just how lucky I was to have you in my life." Ian's voice breaks as he continues, "I'm so sorry for what I've done, and I'll spend the rest of my life trying to make it up to you."

Ian pulled Amaryllis into a tight embrace, holding her close as she cried. He kissed the top of her head and whispered, "I love you, Amaryllis. I'm so sorry."

Amaryllis's heart was heavy as she listened to Ian's words. She could feel the sincerity in his voice, and it made her cry even harder. She leaned into his embrace, feeling his warmth and his love for her. After a few moments of crying, Amaryllis looked up at Ian with red and puffy eyes. "I... I don't know what to say," she said, her voice shaking. "I feel so hurt and betrayed, but I also love you so much, Ian."

Amaryllis took a deep breath before continuing, "I want to forgive you, but I don't know if I can. I don't know if I can trust you again, Ian. How do I know that you won't do this to me again?" She looked into his eyes, searching for a glimmer of hope and assurance.

Ian's heart ached as he saw the pain in Amaryllis's eyes. He knew that he had hurt her deeply, and he didn't blame her for feeling the way she did. He took a deep breath before speaking. "I understand, Amaryllis. And I don't expect you to forgive me right away. I know that I need to earn your trust back, and I'm willing to do whatever it takes to do so."

Ian took Amaryllis's hands in his and looked into her eyes. "I'll be completely honest with you from now on, Amaryllis. I'll be open and honest about my thoughts and feelings, and I'll work hard to show you that you can trust me again. I know that it won't be easy, and it won't happen overnight, but I'm willing to do whatever it takes."

Ian pulled Amaryllis into another embrace and kissed her forehead. "I love you, Amaryllis. And I'll spend the rest of my life making it up to you."

Amaryllis felt Ian's sincerity in his words, and it gave her a glimmer of hope. She wanted to believe him and trust him again, but it would take time. She wrapped her arms around him and hugged him tightly. "I love you too, Ian. And I want to believe you. But it's going to take time for me to heal and for us to work through this together. I need you to be patient with me and to understand that I may have doubts and fears."

Amaryllis pulled back and looked into Ian's eyes. "But I'm willing to try, Ian. I want to work through this together and rebuild our relationship. I believe that we can come out stronger on the other side if we're both committed to making it work."

A small smile appeared on Amaryllis's face as she took Ian's hand. "So let's take it one day at a time, okay?"

Ian looked deeply into Amaryllis' eyes, his own eyes filled with tears of emotion as he nods in agreement. "Okay, but please know that you're it for me. It's always been you, and it always will be. You're the one I want to spend the rest of my life with, the one I want to grow old with. You're my person, Amaryllis."

As Ian spoke, tears began to stream down his face, tears of happiness mixed with tears of regret for having ever doubted their love. "I don't know how I ever let myself forget that, Amaryllis. But I promise you, from this moment on, it's just you and me. No one else, ever."

Ian reached out to take Amaryllis' hand, his heart full of love for her. "I know I've hurt you, Amaryllis. And I'll spend the rest of my life making it up to you, earning your trust back. But please believe me when I say that you are it for me. You're the one I want to wake up to every morning, the one I want to share every moment with. I love you more than words can say."

Ian pulled Amaryllis close, holding her tightly as he cried tears of happiness and regret, and feeling her warmth and love in return. Amaryllis wrapped her arms around him, holding him close as they cried together. "I love you too, Ian," she whispered, her voice full of emotion. "I'm so happy to hear you say that, and I want to believe you. But it's going to take time for me to trust you again, Ian. I hope you understand."

Ian nodded, his tears still flowing. "I understand, Amaryllis. And I'll do whatever it takes to earn your trust back, to show you that I'm committed to you and only you. I know it won't be easy, but I'll do it, because you're worth it. You're everything to me, Amaryllis. Everything."

Ian slowly pulled back from the embrace, looking at Amaryllis with a mix of love and uncertainty as he wiped away his tears. He had poured out his heart to her, but he didn't want to push her or make her uncomfortable. "Amaryllis," he said softly, "Can I... can I kiss you?" His hand tenderly cupped her cheek as he awaited her response.

Amaryllis smiled warmly at him, her eyes shining with love. "Yes, Ian," she said, reaching out to touch his cheek. "You can kiss me."

With a deep breath, Ian leaned in and pressed his lips gently to Amaryllis's, feeling a rush of emotions as he did so. He had missed her so much, missed the feeling of her lips against his, and he felt like he was finally coming home. As they kissed, Ian wrapped his arms around Amaryllis, holding her close as they shared a moment of tenderness and love.

When they pulled away, Ian looked at Amaryllis, his eyes filled with nervous anticipation. He brought his hand to her neck, gently caressing her skin as he asked, "Did you get rid of the necklace?" 

Amaryllis's smile softened, and she reached down to lift up her pant leg, revealing the necklace tied around her ankle as an anklet. "No, I didn't," she said, still smiling. "I just... moved it."

Ian let out a relieved laugh, his nervousness dissipating as he reached out to touch the necklace. "Oh, thank god. I was so worried."

Amaryllis laughed too, feeling a wave of happiness wash over her. She pulled Ian back towards her, kissing him again as they both laughed and smiled, feeling the weight of their past worries and doubts melting away in the warmth of their love.

~

For Ian's character, I definitely had to do a lot of reading and research. Thank you to the amazing @yukidragon for her theories as to why Ian cheated! That helped me so much in my writing :)