Steven Grant Angst - Tumblr Posts

The Healing Power of Love || Steven Grant x fem!Reader Drabble

Summary: one day Steven starts talking to you about his existential anxiety and how your love healed him. It encourages you to be open about yourself as well.

Warnings: mentions of anxiety & depression

Word count: ~ 1050

Authors: Fenrir & Cass

As Steven sat on a small coffee table with a newspaper in his hands, he suddenly asked, "Have you ever thought about life itself? Occasionally, I imagine life as a playlist of songs playing on shuffle, not knowing what to expect next. There might be a sad song or something upbeat to get us dancing. Whatever the case may be, I know that I enjoy listening to music. Life is just as enchanting to me as music, even when it means some tough times..." His tone was a bit sorrowful as he spoke.

Taking your eyes off your phone, you slowly blinked, feeling a little confused. The timing of Steven's statement was odd and out of the blue. "It's an intriguing way to state it, love. What prompted you to think like this?"

"I would like to be entirely honest with you. Life hasn't been easy - I have spent the last few months trying to get my life in order. This is especially difficult for me since everything I believed in has been shattered. That was the moment I discovered the truth about my past and realised that I was not 'real', but just an alter. I hope you do understand what I mean."

Your head nodded slowly as you placed your phone on the coffee table and adjusted your position on the couch. "According to what I've learned so far, I think I know what you mean."

"In my search for the pieces of the life I thought I knew, I am trying to sort them out. It is challenging for me to find the words to describe the change in my life that occurred. Normal things became huge obstacles, and I don’t want to add those pieces to the new picture of myself. There were trust issues, fears, disgust, and broken family ties. There were panic attacks and a lot of crying, but also numbness. Uncertainty..." Steven's voice fell away, and a single teardrop rolled down his cheek.

You cupped his cheek, gently wiping the teardrop away with your thumb as you moved closer to him. "It's true, there are parts of ourselves that we don't even know about, but look at you," you smiled gently at him. "In spite of the enormous obstacles, you're doing well."

"You know, Y/N... If there was a map explaining how to navigate life, I would take a long look and then hand it to you. But none of this is simple. A map for me might not make sense to you. The places I would love to go or need to go, aren’t the places you hope to or will visit. Life is tricky. It is complicated. Everyone has to figure it out for themselves. Their hopes and dreams, who they want to be, and how they want to spend their days. In the past, there were days of deep depression and despair, not wanting to exist, not wanting to feel the pain, not wanting to feel anything. But I also got to live so many beautiful days because you came into my life..." Steven whispered quietly, looking at you hesitantly. "Do you love me?" He asked. "For who I am?"

You gently kissed his knuckles with the same soft smile you gave him earlier. "You know... I was stuck in that state that was like a heavy stone around my neck. I am sure that no 'life map' would show me the right direction. I was certain there was no place where I had a right to exist," you whispered sadly. "I tried distracting myself from it, hoping maybe in this attempt... I'd be able to escape this overwhelming feeling. But you know what?" You asked sadly.

Steven shook his head soundlessly, his eyes fixed on yours.

When you recalled your first meeting with Steven, you said, "There was this sad smile that gradually started to cut through that bloody rope. It cut the rock off. There have been a lot of bad things I have dropped since I met you, but there have also been a lot of new things I have picked up that are better, but I know one thing for sure," you squeezed his hand softly. "I would never pick up those without you. I would let that stone drag me down until I cut myself off. In other words, I didn't have a life map, but I found a compass. There is someone special who helped me, and I know I love this person so deeply. I can never imagine my life without you."

"I love you," Steven whispered, cupping your cheeks in his palms and rubbing them with his thumbs before crushing his lips on yours. The kiss he offered was sweet like a honey, maybe a little messy but it came from the depths of his passion and love for you. "When life seems hopeless, I want you to know that I have hope for us. When I cannot see my path, I know you have hope for me. On days when you cannot see your path, I have hope for you. When you share hope, it doesn't become less. It becomes more. Even abundant, I would say. So, if you need some hope, I have it for you. Thank you for being my solid ground, my safe haven where I can always be myself. It means a lot to me that you love me for who I am. The way no one else has ever loved me," Steven said, tears gathering in the corners of his eyes.

You didn't even try to stop yourself from crying. There was no need for you to be ashamed of your tears at this point. "Thank you for loving me and saving me from many terrible things. I promise to do the same in return."

"Your hug has woven our souls together in a way that's a forever bond," Steven chuckled, resting his chin on top of your head. With you by my side, the world slowed down on its axis. No time passed, no wind blew, no rain fell, and no sadness existed. Steven's mind was at peace. This was the love he had prayed for, the love he had waited for. Inwardly, Steven thanked God and hugged you even tighter. Love like this should be cherished for a lifetime.