Sanzu Angst - Tumblr Posts
forget-me-nots
Based on request here
Genre: Angst, Angst and no comfort
Bonten Sanzu x Traitor!Reader
Warnings: Mentions/suggestions of drugs, mentions/suggestions of usage of drugs, suggestions/mentions of death, mentions/suggestions of blood, injury, cursing, trauma, scars, reader dies, torture, weapons, angst
Sanzu sighs, walking over to your quivering form on the bloody floor of your apartment. How pathetic. “Now Doll~” he hums, crouching to meet you at your eye-level, bloody katana in hand, “you know the rules. So there’s no point in cryin’ now.''
True. You did know. You knew what would happen the moment you even thought about betraying Bonten. About betraying Mikey, and the consequences that would follow after doing so.
Slowly, the tip of the blade grazes your arms, now burning and stinging. The pungent odor of copper and flesh fills your once, comforting home, a smell that was absolutely intoxicating to the crazed man in front of you. You were too weak to try to fight back anymore. Your body was growing numb and losing feeling. Everything around you was slowly becoming nothing but a blur and it was getting harder to stay awake for much longer.
“S-sanzu,” you whimper, “please,” you hiccup, “I didn’t have a choice…they were gonna hurt you,” you whimpered, fresh drops of salty tears running down your cracked face and into your bleeding cuts.
He scoffs, “You idiot. You still don’t get it?”
His once amused and bright, blue eyes instantly turn as cold as ice as he casts a contorted look of disgust and disappointment, “It doesn’t matter what happens to me…or to anyone else. All that matters is the king. I thought I had made that clear to you when you first started working for me.” he sighs, pushing off his knees to stand on his feet.
“That’s right…,” you murmur to yourself, slumping against the floor as you give in to the fatigue washing over you, “I did break the rules, I betrayed Mikey, I put the whole organization at risk and that makes me a liability. But, for the most part, it was certainly worth my life.”
Your eyes were void of its usual glint of life and your body grew completely numb and cold. You rest your head against the hardened wall, now staring up at the last person’s face you’ll ever see. “I’m glad that I met you, you know.”
Sanzu quirks a brow, “You're on the verge of dying and yet you have the nerve to say you were glad to have met me? I’m gonna kill you soon.”
You chuckle, shaking your head, “I’d rather it be you than anyone else.”
Despite his cold words and his familiar unreadable poker face, you could tell that something was holding him back from killing you. Or maybe you were just hoping he’d take pity on you. Either way, you were content with what was to come.
You turned your head to watch the pendulum of the wooden clock stored in the small corner of your apartment. You close your eyes, honing in the sound of the miniscule tics counting down the last few moments of your life.
Dying with regrets was way worse than dying itself.
The grim sound of midnight struck, and finally, it was time. You slightly peek an eye out, fluttering your half-lidded eyes as you watch Sanzu put on his black leather gloves.
“Any last words?” His voice was unusually soft, almost calm. It was as if he was getting ready to say goodbye.
You grinned, “That’s awfully generous of you.”
“Don’t make me change my mind.”
Your boss was never one to go back on his word. Even if he was about to kill someone. He was honest, and surprisingly, quite fair.
You couldn’t help but feel pity for him. How lonely he must be.
“Please take better care of yourself in the future and remember to water the flowers,” you smiled up at him one last time, “and if you ever want to talk…just remember I’m always here.”
And that was all.
The little twisted voice laughed and shouted in his head, mocking I told you so!
He knew it was going to happen eventually. He always knew that at some point, he’d be forced to end your life, just like the rest of the traitors murdered by his hand.
High or not, Sanzu could sniff a rat a mile away. That’s what he was good at. What he was trained to do. What he was made for. And, like all the other poor souls that thought they could get away with such treachery, you had met your gruesome demise by his hands. But, despite your actions, he still held a sincerity towards you, even after he had murdered you. Sanzu sighs, throwing his head back against the leather headrest of his office chair.
It’s been a day since your death. Most of the executives of Bonten knew what had happened, but didn’t care much, seeing how Sanzu had gone through more than just a few of his assistants. Everyone just went about their day as usual. Business was business.
Yet, the pink-haired man seemed more distant than usual, which wasn’t missed by his boss.
“Sanzu pay attention.” Mikey’s hardened voice warned.
No matter what he did, his mind was constantly occupied by you.
The things you would do on a normal day, the conversations he had with you on break, even the small things about you, he remembers it all.
And it was fucking bugging him.
His head was pounding at the thought of you. The dead traitor he justifiably murdered in order to preserve the existence of Bonten.
He runs his hands down his face, scooting up to his desk to finish the rest of the paperwork he needed to finish. Picking up some papers, he squints to read some of the fine prints, only to slam them back down on the dark wooden surface.
What the fuck is wrong with me?
He glances at the left side of his workspace, studying the small flower pot of tiny blue and yellow flowers.
“Don’t forget to water the flowers.”
That’s right. You had given him those flowers not too long ago. You were so happy when you did, as if you had poured your heart into the gift itself.
He stares at it, as if it were you staring right back at him with that same bright smile of yours.
Sanzu’s fists were balled up until his knuckles showed white, his jaw locked as he glared at the pot. He gets up, grabbing the flowers and chucking them across his office.
I need to forget.
He seats himself back in his chair before hastily digging for the drugs he had kept stored in his office drawer. His hands were shaking before even sniffing the damn stuff.
Why was he shaking? He didn’t know. All he wanted was to forget everything. Forget what he did. Forget you.
He’s quick to dump the powdery contents on his desk, not caring about wasting it. Separating a good amount into four thin lines, he quickly inhales each line, one by one, ignoring the burning fumes of his nose as he finishes most of the contents.
Soon, the familiar rush of adrenaline and the blurriness of his surroundings are present to his now disoriented senses. His mind was groggy, his heartbeat drumming in his ears as he slowly fell unconscious, succumbing to the peaceful darkness of his clouded mind.
I need to forget.
Leaning back into his chair, he relaxes, letting all the tension melt away as his eyes flutter shut, letting the drugs take effect, letting his mind wander back to the past. The past with you, that is.
The first day you had been assigned to him, he thought he’d be through with you in less than a week. But, boy, was he wrong. You were different from the rest of the female workers in Bonten. You didn’t care for money, or fame, or power. Hell, you didn’t even care for sex nor spending time with the other Bonten members.
But, the one thing you did care about was him.
Every morning you would bring Sanzu his usual bitter hazelnut brewed cup of coffee while greeting him with a sickly sweet smile, and in turn, he would return it with the edges of his diamond shaped scarred lips upturned into a small toothy grin followed by his cheesy earl morning greeting, “mornin’ doll~”. It took him a while to warm up to, but you certainly grew on him. Just a bit.
What was more puzzling to him, was your caring and kind nature towards him, despite the knowledge of what he did and the things he’s done.
Whenever he was high out of his mind and curled up on his office chair, you’d always be there to watch over him and do any remaining reports he had long forgotten after seeking solace in the various substances he would carry around in his suit pockets.
Or when he would argue with the Haitani brothers, you’d always take his side, even if he was wrong or just spouting nonsense. Deep down, Sanzu could tell that you had a knack for reading people. For reading him. After all, you were around him most of the time, especially when he would mumble random shit when he was high and asleep.
When he was hurt after coming back from his usual hazardous missions, you were always waiting for him in his office late at night with a first aid kit in hand to patch him up.
When he spent his restless nights drinking his soul away in an old bar, you would sit with him until he passed out cold so you could take him back to your place to sober up.
It was almost ironic how both of you acted so similar, yet so different. It was like you had your own sixth sense that was built into you just so you could take care of the troubled man you’d grown to be fond of. Just like how he had his own to protect Mikey at all costs.
“Why the hell are you around me all the damn time? I don’t pay you to be my caretaker.” he huffs, glaring at you from across from him as you stitch up a cut he had earned not too long ago.
You giggled at his usual gruff behavior, “I thought it was obvious haru,” you grin, the nickname music to the wounded man’s ears as he fights back a smile, forcing out a frown of displeasure.
“I wouldn’t be asking if I knew. And quite calling me that. It’s ‘boss’ to you.” you smiled.
“All right, I’m done!” getting up, you place the medical kit back to where it belongs in the office.
Sanzu groans as he gets up, his body aching all over. Rolling his neck, he turns around, meeting your bright e/c shining eyes.
He narrows his eyes, “What?”
You hummed, “I have something for you.”
“And?” he asks, folding his arms.
You grinned, presenting a small brown garden pot, with small, bright blue flowers. You walk towards the tall man, gently taking his hands one by one to hold the pot. “They’re called ‘forget-me-nots’. I heard they bring luck and protection, so I thought I would stop by the flower shop to buy you some.”
He nods absentmindedly, “You certainly did your homework on a bunch of useless plants.”
Your smile slowly faded, dejected at his words.
“But you’ve missed a couple things.”
You pipe up at his sudden interest, eyes blinking owlishly, “I…did?”
He hums, holding the pot higher to get a better look at the flowers, “It isn’t just a symbol for protection and luck, it also symbolizes true love. The plant has a story of origin, you know.”
Sanzu waltzes over to his desk, gently placing the pot on the corner of his desk and leaning against the opposite side of it.
“The origin of these flowers were based in Germany. The whole name itself was German. The fable behind them starts off with a couple walking near the Danube River and they had came across these bright blue flowers. The man goes to get the flowers for the woman, but in doing so, the flowers were dropped and swept away by the river and in the end tells her that he should never forget him, which is how the flowers got the name ‘forget-me-nots.’ ”
He smirks at your shocked and slightly flushed expression. “I see…then, perhaps I made the wrong choice in flowers?”
“Not at all. I think it conveys quite a message.” he muses. His gaze continues to hold your own.
“I don’t suppose you happen to try to express more than just concern for my safety?” he asked.
You cleared your throat. “As a matter of fact, you're right.”
“And?”
You sigh, cheeks growing warmer as you look to the ground. “I love you Sanzu.”
He already knew that, but he just wanted to hear you say it. He hums pushing off the desk, walking over to where you stood. He brings a hand to tilt your head up to meet his gaze, “That’s quite the statement doll.” He leans over, lips hovering over your own, “Do you wanna know why I keep you around?”
“Why?”
He grins, “It’s cuz’ I love you too.”
Sanzu’s eyes are blown wide, his grip tightening on his chair as he gasps for hair. He was covered in cold sweat. His hair was disheveled, and his hands were trembling.
Why can’t I forget?
He knew why. God he wished he didn’t, but he knew.
It’s because, for the first time in his life, he had truly loved someone who loved him back, and because of him he wouldn’t be able to take your love back anymore. He wouldn’t be able to take back what he did.
“Sanzu?” you whispered, your honied voice catching the attention of the pink-haired man.
“What is it?” he sighs, not paying you any attention as he squints to read what was on the packet of documents he was looking over.
You smiled, “Don’t forget me.”
He pinched the bridge of his nose. “What?”
“I promise to never forget you, so promise me the same, ok?”
He looked up, staring for a brief moment in bewilderment, before pulling over his cold exterior.
“You mind if I talk with you later doll? Kinda busy right now,” he says gruffly, turning back to the documents scattered across his desk. You chuckled, bowing before exiting his office.
Glancing back to the pot of flowers on his desk, he says “I promise, I’ll never forget you.”
My Soul Haruchiyo Sanzu X reader (Angst)
Words: 1.1k
The concept of death never really mattered to Sanzu Haruchiyo. For the mad dog of Bonten, killing was the same as breathing. Yet, why? why was he shivering? In his line of work, weaknesses are to be discarded. But why did he feel like the world has come to a stop when Mikey ordered him to get rid of you. The love of his life who he knew he never truly deserved.
Memories of innocence invaded his mind. Every chapter of his life she was there, as his savior, his lover, his queen. Times where she cupped his face in her palms and told him how deep her love flows for him. How he deserved love. She accepted the broken him with no qualms. Always giving him the world.
Never in a million years had he thought he had to choose between his King or his Muse. Mikey never had a problem with her before but why now? Did Sanzu show vulnerability? Did he portray weakness? Was he not ruthless enough in the eyes of his subordinates? Why did Mikey come to the conclusion that the death of his love will be the answer?
He had to choose. Bonten was his kingdom and his king's word is the law.
His way back to his safe space didn't feel safe anymore. He felt cold after a long time. He told himself, that it was simply his intoxication or the weather. His hands made their way to the doorknob, wondering how he can make this easy for the both of them. He bit his bottom lip hard hoping that this was just a bad dream.
She stood there her back facing Sanzu as she was cooking. With the smell of it, it was his favorite. She heard footsteps get closer to her, she smiled softly inside knowing that her lover is right behind her and in a few seconds will wrap his hands around her waist and bury his face in her neck grinning like the lovesick fool he is.
"Haru," She called as she turned her head only to meet with her lover with his sadistic smile and a gun pointing straight at her.
Sanzu watched her eyes widen for a brief second before they went back to their original position. With no fear in her eyes. She softly smiled as she looked at him as if he was the most precious thing in the world. She knew him like the back of her hand. That sadistic smile he wore was nothing but a facade. Sanzu could feel his resolve crumbling. He had to do something quickly before the ache in his heart turns unbearable.
"Let's go to the roof," She said as she made her way toward the stairs and Sanzu followed right behind her. Sanzu felt his legs go heavy, every step he took felt painful. No amount of drugs will help numb his pain. The devil lurking on his shoulder telling him to get rid of her right this moment. A mere minute felt like a century when they met with the stars. She twirled around gently to meet with his eyes, still smiling.
"Hold me Haru," She said as she made her way right in front of him. Sanzu didn't even waste a breath as he wrapped his hands around her, his gun long discarded and laying on the ground. He never held her this tight almost suffocating but she didn't mind. Tears threatened to fall from his lash line as she caress his hair and held him as if he was made of glass. She gently pulled away from him and placed a hand on his cheek.
"Don't look at me like that!" He yelled painfully, gripping her blouse tight. She moved her lips towards his scar and placed a small kiss on it. Sanzu felt his knees go weak as he unintentionally let go of her.
"Let's run away," He ought to say. He wanted to say but... 'Do you really think Mikey will let you get away with it?' The voice in him said. He feared Mikey more than anything in the world. He knew what he was capable of. He was Mikey's slave and Mikey was his king. Betrayal was a lost concept for someone who only knew loyalty.
Why couldn't he choose you?
"Haruchiyo, "She called as he broke free from his thoughts. He found her in a circumstance he knew he never wanted. She stood there on the railing of the roof just a light push will end in death. His eyes were going blurry with the number of tears clouding his vision, yet he never blinked his eyes.
"Haruchiyo, I told you whatever your decision is I'll stand by you. Please don't blame yourself, this is something I decided on my own" She said as he paused hoping that he would meet her eyes. She wanted to burn his face in her memory so she can take it to the other world.
"Compared to your pain mine will be over in an instant." She said as she looked him in the eye internally cursing Mikey for giving her love so much pain.
"Please remember, I love you. In this life in our next life, I will find you. I forever belong to you," She said. her soothing words always gave him courage. His breath hitched as he hoped that he could run to her and simply hope that this was just a nightmare.
"Don't cry. I'm not going to die. As long as you think of me I'll always be alive inside of you. My soul is always watching over you." She said. She had always been the one to hold both of them, she was the stronger one of the both of them. Even her parting words gave him the strength to move on.
"Smile Haruchiyo," She said as he did so. That was the least he could do for her. As much as it hurt, she knew this was the end as she leaned back losing her footing and as the wind swayed her hair she looked at the stars silently praying for him to be safe as she met with her end, Haruchiyo yelled.
He knew that he would never be the same at least not without her.
SEE YOU AGAIN— sanzu haruchiyo x reader.
in which, you and sanzu are in a very chaotic arranged marriage.
+ tags. romance, fluff, heavy (?) angst, modern au, smau, arrange marriage au, college setting, use of profanities, eventual smut, 18+
+ status. on-going
+ official playlist by ch1yhoe
+ playlist i by eriskaitto | playlist ii by haruchiyo
$ ; smau series masterlist.
one ; two ; three ; four ; five ; six ; seven ; eight ; nine ; ten ; eleven ; twelve ; thirteen ; fourteen ; fifteen ; sixteen ; seventeen ; eighteen ; nineteen ; twenty ; more chapters to be added.
profiles and information are below!
profiles !
yours and sanzu's twitter profile.
general information !
you (21) and sanzu (22) + all the characters here are in third year college. senju is in college too, but she's a freshman. all of the characters are aged up.
no one knows about the marriage except for your family and friends.
your circle are hina, emma, yuzuha & senju.
sanzu's circle are the haitani brothers, koko and mikey.
timestamps aren't important! there would be times that i would write this series in a paragraph form because there are scenes that needed to be written in that form, hehe
if you want to be added to the taglist for this series, pls send me an ask! ;) + pls make sure u have your AGE on your bio. [CLOSED]