Peaky Blinders Imagine - Tumblr Posts

is alfie okay fit blurb night but i can’t stop thinking about him just sitting back all giddy while his wife chews out tommy

Jesus, I live for this.

“Are we going to have a problem here, Mr Shelby?” your voice is so sweet that it sends chills through your husband’s veins, the meeting he had been on across the other side of London running so late that you had seemed to take matters into your own hands by starting it up without him. “Because I know for a fact that the papers you’re holding are grossly deflated to make it look like you’re turning less of a profit. I also know that you wouldn’t dare pull this with another firm.”

Alfie stops Ollie from stepping closer, the gaps in the blinds and open door showing that you’re handling yourself well from the position he usually fills and that the business is in safe hands.

“Tell me, Tommy, do I look easy to you?” there’s something vaguely sexual about the way you ask, the switch of your legs as they cross clearly taking Shelby’s attention with them. “Because you see that girl of yours back in Birmingham she may be willing to drop her knickers for that price but I’m not even willing to give you a crate of the brown stuff. So why don’t you do us a favour, yeah? Either up your offer or fuck off because we don’t have all day, ‘sweetheart’.”

The venom you put into the word says that Tommy’s tried his usual attempt at flattery and the way you look up to see Alfie behind your reflection only makes your fake smile turn into one that is all too real. 

“See you started without me.”

“Actually Alfie, I think we are done here, don’t you Mr Shelby?”

“I’ll double it,” reluctance comes from the man in question as you cross to join your lover in the doorway, breaking your greeting only to smile up at him in celebration of your success.

“And for talkin’ to my wife like that you’ll stick in another 10%, yeah? Gentleman’s honour and all.”

Never fuck with a Solomons.

˚୨୧⋆｡˚ ⋆ FLUSHED CHEEKS ˚୨୧⋆｡˚ ⋆

━━ ada’s brothers won’t believe her when she tells them that she’s dating a world famous fashion designer / model icon.

word count: 1328

pairing: fem!reader x ada shelby

warnings: none

The day you met Ada was the day that made the remainder of your life perfect.

You memorized clearly that you encountered her during one of your visits to London for a fashion exposition.

One of Ada's friends somehow managed to acquire two tickets for the exposition and invited Ada.

Within thirty minutes of arriving there, Ada had to go use the restroom.

When she entered the women's bathroom, she noticed you seated on the tile floor with a cigarette in your hand. Your head was leaned back against the wall, while your heels had been discarded beside you.

When you heard the door opening, you looked up to see Ada. At first, you assumed you were so high that you were dreaming of angels, but after having examined her clearly you realized that you weren't dreaming.

Ada had shifted uncomfortably as she was at the mercy of your cold stare, but momentarily realised that you were y/n y/n/n the world-known fashion designer and model.

When Ada ultimately came back to her senses, she was relatively surprised to see you there considering the fact that you were the main guest of the fashion exposition.

When she timidly questioned you about it, you just told her that you didn't particularly like these kinds of events and that you were inclined towards hiding in the restrooms if you had the chance.

Ada merely nodded, not knowing what to do as you resumed staring holes into her head before she took cover in a toilette stall.

After she had composed herself, she unlocked the door again to see that you still hadn't moved and walked over towards you.

She gestured for you to shift slightly to create a place for her to sit before sitting down beside you and turning to look at you.

“Are you alright, Miss. y/l/n?” She questioned you softly, as you studied her features quietly.

“Yes, of course I am Mrs.-?”

“Miss. Ada Shelby,” she finished for you with a sweet smile resulting in the corner of your lips turning upward.

“It's a pleasure to meet you, Miss. Ada Shelby,” you spoke while seizing her delicate hand in yours and pressing a soft kiss to it which made her blush.

The remainder of the evening was spent in the women's bathroom, with you divulging to her all about your life as a famous fashion designer and model while she told you narratives of her life in Birmingham.

Occasionally someone would come into the restroom, but they mainly disregarded the two of you, thinking of you as some drunk women who were up to no good.

When the evening was reaching its end, you recalled not wanting to part ways with Ada. Having spent these few hours with her made you happier than the previous months when you were constantly miserable.

So, you gave her your address and told her that she could visit you anytime she desired.

You knew it was foolish to give your address to a stranger, but you couldn't help yourself as you looked into her sparkling blue eyes that had now become your favorite color.

Currently, you were driving your car to Birmingham because Ada wished to introduce you to her family.

When Ada informed her siblings and aunt that she was dating a woman, they couldn't believe their ears.

Surprisingly, Tommy had been the first one to smile and congratulate her sincerely before threatening whoever dared to date his little sister.

The remainder of her family soon followed, and she found herself to be supported by her family members, which was a tremendous solace to her.

When John ultimately raised a question of who you were, she told them that she was dating y/n y/l/n the famous fashion designer and model.

Ada had felt extremely offended when Arthur and John burst out laughing while Polly was scolding them.

So, here she was dragging you from your manor all the way to Birmingham to prove that she was dating you. That you weren't some figment of her imagination. And of course to introduce you to her family.

“You alright?” You questioned her as you saw her fiddling with the necklace that you purchased for her on her birthday.

“What?” Ada twisted to look at you with a perplexed expression as you examined her features carefully.

“I asked whether you are alright,” you repeated before taking her hand in yours.

“Oh, yes. Just jitters I guess,” she replied with a kind smile on her face.

“If you say so,” you mumbled before leaning over to kiss, which made her giggle into the kiss.

The ride to Birmingham passed painfully slow, but around the evening you finally reached your girlfriend’s hometown.

You unlocked your car door before strolling around the car to open the passenger door, where Ada had been applying a fresh coat of red lipstick.

You put the keys to your car into your pocket before you pursued your girlfriend towards her aunt’s house, where her family had been waiting to meet you.

Ada knocked harshly on the door, resulting in you lingering for a few moments before it swung open to reveal a youthful boy who you believed to be Finn, Ada’s youngest brother.

Finn’s eyes broadened at the sight of you as he stood there staring at you with his mouth agape.

“Finn?” Ada’s voice seemingly revived Finn out of his daze, rendering him to straighten out before he offered you a nervous smile.

He entirely ignored his sister as he outstretched his hand for you to shake.

You complied but rather than shaking your hand, he kissed it softly, which made Ada roll her eyes at her brother.

“I’m Finn, you must be Miss. Y/l/n,” you nodded with an amused smile on your complexion, resulting in him blushing slightly.

“Oi, Finn! Are you gonna let the ladies in or not!” Arthur Shelby’s voice bellowed throughout the house, which made Finn widen the entrance before stepping out of the way to allow you two into the house.

Ada whacked the back of Finn’s head, which made him hiss at her before they lead you towards the living room where the remainder of Shelby’s were.

When you entered the room, you first noticed an older lady who you assumed to be Polly. The noblewoman had an exceptionally great taste in fashion if you had to be honest.

Polly made her way towards you before shaking your hand politely as she smiled at you.

“It’s nice to finally meet you, Y/n. Ada’s told me a lot about you,” she spoke, causing the others to come out of their previous astonishment that Ada was, in fact, dating you.

John and Arthur nearly dashed towards you before Arthur pushed John out of the way, much to your amusement.

“I’m Arthur Shelby,” he flirted while kissing your hand before John reappeared behind him and shoved him out of the way.

John let out a breath of air as he quickly restored his hair before also kissing your hand with a cheeky grin plastered on his face, which made Ada once again roll her eyes at her siblings.

“It’s a pleasure to finally meet you, Miss. Y/l/n. I’m Ada’s older brother, John.”

Polly scoffed at her nephews before shoving both of them away from you because they were nearly all over you.

Eventually, the last man, who you identified as Tommy, in the room approached you with confident strikes. His icy blue eyes boreholes into your skull as he halted in front of you.

“Y/n,” he said briefly.

“Thomas,” you copied as he eyed your figure narrowly.

“I prefer Tommy, but it’s good to finally meet you,” he nodded curtly, provoking the corners of your lips to turn upwards slightly.

“Pleasures all mine,” you responded before turning back to Ada, who looked willing to slaughter all of her brothers.

©cupidsheqrt , 2022.

This was so cute

˚୨୧⋆｡˚ ⋆ RED LIPSTICK ˚୨୧⋆｡˚ ⋆

━━ you feel flattered when charlie shelby asks to marry you while your husband feels like he could strangle his nephew

word count: 2014

pairing: fem!reader x john shelby

warnings: none

The Shelby's were always your family.

From a young age, you had been a Shelby. Even though you weren't blood-related, they were more of a family than your actual family could ever be.

While you and Ada were nearest in age, you had always been closest with John.

It didn't matter whether you were two youthful teenagers messing around or two passionate lovers who tried to find their place in the world.

You and John had always been each other's priority.

So, it came as no surprise when you turned out being pregnant by John at the age of sixteen.

You and John happily married each other as Arthur walked you down the aisle.

The day that your first daughter had been born was the day that John vowed to you that he would grant you more children if that was what made you happy.

So, you had five more kids after Katie.

Even though your life was far from ideal, you still loved it with every fiber in your body.

John was an incredible husband. He was always faithful to you and constantly made an effort to spend as much time as he could with you and the kids.

A particular thing that he loved to do was to spoil you. Anytime you even merely glimpsed at a dress, the following day it would be hanging in your wardrobe.

You had frequently told John that he didn't have to purchase you expensive items, but he constantly said that he loved to do it.

Tonight, you were wearing a black dress that John had bought you for a gala that would be hosted by one of Tommy's business partners.

You were seated on the bench that stood in front of your bed as you slipped on your heels. A giggle escaped your mouth as you felt John's wet kisses on the side of your neck as he crept onto you from behind.

“John, we can't do this right now,” you said while your husband wrapped his arms around you.

“We can do whatever the fuck we want,” he muttered against the base of your throat as his hands roamed over your body.

You tilted your head back onto his shoulder, which gave him more access to your neck.

“Fucking hell, love,” John mumbled as a grin appeared on his chiseled face.

Just before he could get any further, you heard the door to your shared bedroom open, revealing your third-born son.

“Mummy! Tell Katie to stop putting makeup on me!” He cried out, entirely ignoring John who looked like he was done with his life.

John loved your kids, he really did. But he can't stop questioning why they won't ever leave the two of you alone for more than five minutes.

Fred ran over to you before leaping onto your lap as he buried his face into your neck, which John had been harassing a few moments prior.

“Bloody hell, Fred. What'd Katie do to your face?” John asked his son as he caught a glimpse of red lipstick smeared all over his face and a deep green eye shadow covering the lids of his eye.

“She put it all over my face!” He hissed while he attempted to conceal his face into your neck as deep as he could.

“That's not true, mum! He asked me to do it for him!” You heard Katie yell from her room while Fred settled down in your arms.

John let out a groan before getting off the bed to get a damp cloth to get the cosmetics off his son's face.

While he went to the bathroom, you caressed Fred's back soothingly which lulled him to sleep along with your consoling flower perfume which you had applied earlier that evening.

When John returned, you carefully turned your son in your arms before softly wiping the makeup from his face.

After having made sure that his face was spotless you stood up to carry him to his chamber while John watched you quietly.

You put Fred to bed before making sure that all of your other children were all safe and sound in their beds.

You kissed them all on their forehead as they told you a 'goodnight mum' before you switched off the light and made your way back to your shared room.

When you entered your room, you noticed John slumping against the headboard while he stared at the wall opposite of him.

“John?” You leaned against the door frame as he glanced at you before he clambered off the bed and made his way towards you.

Your husband tugged you into his taller frame while kissing you gently. He kissed the corner of your mouth before he lowered his lips to your jaw. When he reached your neck, he instantly pulled back as a disgusted look was present on his handsome features.

You furrowed your brows curiously as he stormed off towards the bathroom that was attached to your bedroom.

A few moments later you followed him only to see him holding his tongue under the water.

When he looked up at the mirror where he saw your figure, he gestured to his neck as the water got all over him.

“Gret hot uhin mahuh aw awe joh ek,” he mumbled as you frowned with a perplexed look on your face.

“What now?” John rolled his eyes before repeating the same sentence. When he noticed that you weren’t going to comprehend what he said, he turned off the water before turning to you.

“Fred got fucking makeup all over your neck,” he snarled, which made you look in the mirror where you glimpsed red and green lipstick stained on your neck.

“Oh,” you simply said before grabbing a damp towel to get it off your neck while John went to change his clothes so that he would look appropriate tonight.

After having scrubbed your neck, you made your way downstairs. John was already waiting at the front door with an adoring smile on his face as you put on your coat.

“You ready love?” You nodded at your husband, taking his outstretched arm before making your way to his car.

During the car ride to the Arrow house, you chatted John's ear off, which he didn't mind even if he whined about it.

Briefly afterward, you reached your destination before you made your way inside where the rest of the Shelby's stood.

“You're finally here! I was beginning to think that you two got lost,” Arthur exclaimed as he caught sight of you.

“Nah, the kids were being pissy,” John wrapped his arm around your waist, catching the lingering stares of the men who surrounded you.

You greeted all of your in-laws before going to stand next to Tommy, who was supervising Charlie.

“How's Charlie?” Tommy turned to you, allowing his eyes to leave Charlie for the first time that night, which provided him the opportunity to take off.

“He's alright. How're the kids?”

“They're alright,” you echoed, which made his lips turn upwards slightly.

“I-” Tommy was rapidly cut off as he noticed Charlie nearing the two of you with a cheeky smile on his child like features.

You scrunched up your face in disarray at Tommy's interruption before you followed his sight line and noticed Charlie.

The young boy had slicked his hair back with water and had requested Polly to make sure that he looked decent.

The two of you silently stared at Charlie as he cleared his throat before extending his arm out towards you.

“Dear Miss. Y/l/n allow me this dance,” you noticed that he resorted to using your maiden name and that he addressed you with Miss instead of Mrs.

You and Tommy shared an amused glance before you accepted his offer.

“Of course Mr. Shelby,” you took his arm, having to bent down slightly because he was five.

He chose a spot in the middle of the room before he turned back to you and made you pick him up so that you were in the same eye line.

“You look extremely beautiful. As usual, of course,” he rambled nervously with negligibly flush cheeks while you danced softly from side to side.

“Thank you sir. You look very handsome if you ask me,” you remarked with a kind smile on your face, which made him giggle giddily.

John had been searching for you for the past ten minutes after having closed an agreement with one of their business partners.

He had felt exceptionally pleased with himself and was thrilled to tell his wife about his triumph.

When he asked Polly about your whereabouts, but she told him that she saw you last with Tommy.

So now he was making his way to his older brother who was staring off somewhere with a fond smile on his face while Arthur was cracking up beside to him.

“Tommy, have you seen Y/n? Can’t find her anywhere,” Tommy and Arthur turned towards their younger brother before they swapped an amused look.

“Careful there John-boy little Charlie is planning to steal your wife,” Arthur laughed loudly which drew in some unwanted attention.

John furrowed his brows as he followed Arthur’s finger which was pointing at Charlie, who had enveloped his legs around his wife’s waist while she swayed from side to side with a smile on her face.

“That little fucker,” John mumbled under his breath as Arthur laughed even harder if that was achievable, and a small grin arose on Tommy’s face.

Polly and Micheal drew near the brothers, having noticed them by Arthur's loud laughing.

“What’s going on?” Tommy grinned at his aunt and cousin as Arthur was practically rolling on the floor, while John didn’t keep his eyes off his nephew who had caught his stare and smiled mischievously at him which only aggravated him more.

“My nephew is a real lady’s man,” Both Polly and Micheal glanced at Charlie who was kissing your cheek while maintaining eye contact with his furious uncle.

Micheal grinned slightly as the corner of Polly’s lips turned upwards in amusement.

“I swear if he doesn’t get his fucking hands off my wife, I will,” John declared angrily before you caught them all watching you.

You smiled sweetly at your family, which made your husband smile back at you while Arthur was trying to retain his giggles.

When the song ended, you put Charlie down before he led you back towards the Shelby's who were watching you with amusement shimmering in their eyes.

John quickly took you back from Charlie, which made the small boy frown before he turned to his father.

“I want to marry Y/n,” he simply spoke.

Your eyes enlarged while you gaped at him, Arthur got into another fit of laughter while your husband looked ready to annihilate his nephew.

“No. Absolutely fucking not,” John stated, which made Charlie roll his eyes at his uncle.

“And why not?” He questioned sassy.

“She’s already married to me,” John replied, Charlie, walked over to you and held your hand while the rest of the family silently watched the scene unfold.

“So? She can divorce you,”

“She’s too old for you. She could be your mother. Besides, she’s your aunt,” Your husband looked ready to pulverize him.

“But if you two divorce, then she won’t be my aunt anymore. And any woman older than eighteen could be my mother. Didn’t you get her pregnant when she was sixteen?”

Micheal choked on his drink, and you stared at Charlie with a perplexed look on your face. Polly was full-on grinning, while Arthur was turning red from the lack of air.

“Get here you little shit,” Tommy held John back as his son backed into you, looking for your protection from your husband.

“I think you should run before your uncle catches you,” you whispered to Charlie, who nodded before taking off into the crowd.

“Well, that was fucking amazing,” Arthur spoke before downing his drink at once.

©cupidsheqrt , 2022.

The Second Day of Christmas ~ Arthur Shelby

Prompt: Seeing the first snowfall of the year

Pairing: Arthur Shelby x reader

Warnings: None

Word Count: 487

A/N: I actually really love how this turned out and I want to say thank you so much to the anon who requested a first snowfall with Arthur.

With a quiet groan, you rolled over in your bed, pulling out of the arms that had been wrapped around you. Slowly, you opened your eyes, closing them again almost instantly, but then they snapped open again. You sat up abruptly, your eyes moving to the window of your shared bedroom. A small smile spread across your face as you jumped up from the bed, narrowly avoiding the arms that had reached out to grab you again. Arthur groaned as he opened one eye to stare at you as you rushed around the room, pulling on a pair of old trousers and a knit sweater. Hopping on one foot, you pulled on a thick wool sock, your other foot bare still. Arthur groaned again as he pulled the blanket tighter around himself, a shiver passing through him, “Come back to bed. S’cold.”

You glanced back at him quickly as you pulled your other sock on, “Snow.” And then you were rushing from the room and down the stairs, taking them two at time. You nearly tripped on the last step, but gripped the banister tightly and pulled yourself up. Rushing to the back door, you grabbed your boots and hastily slid them on and pulled open the door. As soon as you felt the cold air on your skin, you slowed down. Beautiful, shining snowflakes were still falling around you and you spun slowly in your spot, closing your eyes and breathing in the crisp winter air. You heard the back door open and close and the crunching of snow beneath Arthur’s boots. Your spinning halted and you faced your husband, your smile growing at the sight of snowflakes sticking to his mustache.

Arthur stepped over to you, draping your coat over your shoulders, “Forget something?” He was trying not to smile, and you laughed, shoving your arms in the sleeves of the coat, and fastening the buttons. Leaning forward, you pressed a quick kiss to Arthur’s lips and grabbed his hand. Leaning back again, you let yourself fall into the snow, pulling Arthur with you. His eyes widened as he tried to stop himself from falling, but ultimately failed. He fell next to you, the snow sticking to his coat as he rolled over slightly to get up, but you held tight to his hand, smiling at him as the flurries continued to fall, landing in your hair, and melting against the warmth of your skin. Arthur looked down at you and smiled. He laid back, feeling the chill of the snow against his neck, but it quickly disappeared as your free hand moved to caress his cheek. Despite the weather, it was warm, and he melted into your touch, his eyes closing for a brief moment. When he opened them again, you were cuddled up to his side, looking up at the sky, snowflakes catching in your lashes and a warm smile on your face.

For your Christmas Celebration!! 🎄⛄️

My favorite song is Snowman by Sia. It’s very beautiful but also sort of melancholy and nostalgic. I would love a story inspired by that with Arthur (maybe where him and y/n make a snowman together? I can imagine him getting so frustrated because he doesn’t have the patience for it lol) have fun with it! 💗🫶

The snow had come down thick and fast in the night and settled on every surface with a heavy winter hush. The streets were so much quieter in the cold, as if Jack Frost had whispered and sighed and frozen time itself. You imagined the whole city was quiet, muted grey skies accompanied by a muted soundtrack. A melancholic kind of peace wrapped you up as you shrugged yourself into one of Arthur's long black coats.

He'd been at work all night and when you'd awoken to find your bed empty you'd felt a little whistful and a little worried. Of course you knew that most likely Arthur had been held up in the betting shop again, his brothers business presiding over everything else in his life, but you couldn't help but worry about him. The life he led meant that there was all too many threats out there just waiting to hurt your man. So on mornings such as this when you woke to find he'd never made it home you couldn't help but imagine the worst.

So thats why you were wrapping his long winter coat around your much smaller frame, tugging the sleeves down over your gloves hands, taking your own wooly hat and tugging it down over your ears.

As you stamped your feet inside a pair of sturdy leather boots you hesitated to open the front door knowing that when you did you'd be hit with an icy blast of frozen air.

But you had to go down to the betting shop, just to check that he was alright, remind him where he was supposed to rest his head at night...

So you locked the front door of your little flat and edged your way carefully along the balcony passage that lead to the stairs at the bottom of your close. The rough metal stairs creaked and groaned beneath your feet, the very building frozen to the bones and though you were a little worried you might slip and fall all the way to the bottom of your 3 floor journey, you carried on. Arthur the only thing on your mind.

These days he was a little bit of a liability and you never could quite guess where you were going to find him. The betting shop, the garrison, a street corner passed out with a bottle of whiskey in his frozen hand...

Though it was still early the streets were still busy with children who had pulled coats on over their nightclothes and run out into the street to play in the snow. There were bodies being rolled up and pushed around the road to build snowmen and sled tracks had already been dragged up the hills to the best places to push off. The snow softened the sounds of laughter and squealing but Birmingham was very much alive and as you got closer to the betting shop you were surprised to see the streets quieten down.

Perhaps the fathers and the drunks who usually flocked to the shop were still in bed, your suspicions however told you that it was something else.

A missing Arthur Shelby and a quiet watery lane. The two could only ever go hand in hand.

And so when you saw him, lying flat on his back in the snow, a flare of fiery orange hair, damp and sticking up away from his face, you weren't shocked.

You could see his empty bottle standing up right too, buried in the snow so that for a moment you were worried that he'd passed out there before the snow had fallen. That it had been coming down on him heavy and cold all night.

But then you heard him singing... A bastardised version of a hymn you'd both learnt in church when you were young. One which sounded foreign and gruff on Arthur's tongue as it met the snow coated street without echoing, absorbed instead by the cold.

You'd have been worried if you hadn't seen him this way so many times before. Instead you hurried to crouch by his side and when you looked down at the snow melting in his moustache you giggled. He had his eyes closed and so he didn't see you when you leant down, your warm kiss bringing him back down to earth from wherever upon high he had been.

"Arthur love what are you doing?" You grinned down at him, "I was worried about you... Aren't you cold? You must be freezing!"

"Nahh not me my darlin, don't get cold me, take more than a bit of snow to get to me eh...." he said pushing himself up, this slightly giddy glazed look in his eyes that left you wondering whether perhaps Snow, was exactly what had gotten to him that morning.

You sighed but you couldn't help but smile as you crouched down beside him in the snow, looking down at his red rosy cheeks pinched by the cold he claimed not to feel.

"Now what're you lookin at me like that for darlin?" He frowned, your giggle rousing his suspicions as you held your hands out for him to take.

"Why dya think love?" You grinned unable to hide your amusement, "because youre Birminghams most wanted and I just found you making fuckin snow angels on your ones!" You couldn't help but giggle a little more when you saw him speechless and blushing, the crimson of his cheeks so bright and warm in comparison to the frost which surrounded you.

"you're the fuckin snow angel..." he murmured with a sheepish sort of smirk on his lips.

When his hands took yours his fingers were icy and his touch sent a shiver shooting through you. But in the moment after, when you tried to start dusting the snow from his jacket and he pulled you right in snug against him, a tight hug you couldn't escape from, you felt warmer than you'd expected to.

"You're a good girl aren't you come all this way to warm me up." He smiled into your hair, breathing you in as he nuzzled into you, leaning a little too much of his weight against yours. You almost lost your balance the two of your staggering two paces in the snow, him chuckling into your neck, his whiskers tickling your cheek as you fought to correct your balance.

"Arthur love be careful!" You giggled trying to pull away, kissing his cheek but holding onto him just as tightly as he was you. "Come on now let's get you home..." you tried to remind him of the cold once again, about how worried you'd been but Arthur was still sky high and all the more giddy now for having found you.

So instead of following when you tried to tug on his arm and guide him away back home, he tripped and stumbled away from you back towards the drift of snow which had gathered by the betting shop walls.

"Home?" He cried, "why go home now we haven't even built a snowman!"

"What?" You starred back at him in disbelief, your eyes sparkling with undeniable affection as you watched Arthur bent over, already beginning to gather a heap of snow to sculpt a snowman. "You? Arthur fuckin Shelby... Want to build a fuckin snowman?"

"By order of the peaky fuckin blinders!" He shouted, his grin wide, his eyes gleaming, his voice echoing merry off the houses and bouncing back to you with such spirit that you couldn't deny him this request.

"The peaky fuckin blinders eh?" You smirked as you gave in and waded through the snow to join him, crouching down and trying your best to pat down and sculpt the snowmans body as Arthur gathered more and more snow in a heap.

The snow quickly soaked through your gloves but as you worked you found yourself concentrating harder and harder on your masterpiece wanting to make the snowman perfect for Arthur who seemed to be so determined to build it. He was talking the whole time, telling you how good your snowman was going to be, telling you how fuckin strong and formidable he was going to be.

"An I'll tell you this for nowt an all my darlin this fuckin blinder of a snowman right, hes gonna be king of the fuckin street, wait...nah... Fuck that, never mind Watery Fuckin Lane, our snowmans gonna be king of all bloody Birmingham, king of fuckin England!"

"And all the territories..." you giggled along trying to carve out some arms for the snowman. Arthur wasn't exactly helping anymore, not now that he'd gathered all the snow and helped you pat it into a vague shape. Beyond that Arthur had neither the patience nor slight of hand for building snow anything and he'd taken to rambling about the brilliance of his creation more than actually helping.

"Wait... Nah, no no this ain't right this ain't right he's all crooked!" He crumbled reaching to try and help correct the bumps and lumps on Mr snowmans body, swearing and stepping back when he accidentally knocked the snowmans head clean off his shoulders.

"Oh fuckin hell, for fucks sake Arthur you dosy bastard!" He grumbled to himself leaving you giggling but reaching out to snatch at his hand and drag him back to you when he started to make for the ex head to kick it in.

"Ey you calm down... Patience Arthur just you wait..." You warned him, "you said you wanted to build a snowman so we're gonna build a fuckin snowman so you get back here and start helping me!" You giggled making a fuss like your fingers were about to fall off though in truth you'd hardly noticed the cold.

Your hands stung a little and your nose felt frozen but other than that you felt snug, wrapped up in Arthur's big coat and with Arthur himself hovering close around you at all times, his breath on your cheek or your neck every time he came lumbering up behind you to throw his arms around you and nuzzle into you once again.

He was getting more and more wobbly by the minute and when you send him off in search of two stones for eyes you half wondered whether he'd make it back. But he did. In fact he was hardly gone five minutes, disappearing inside the betting shop and coming back with two pieces of coal the perfect size for eyes.

"Found em my darlin, found the brightest bestest eyes for our man!" He announced, a drunken sway two fro as he hopped down from the doorway into the snow before staggering back to you.

"Oh perfect," you breathed smiling wide as you appraised the two shiny black pieces of coal, "he's going to be the most handsome snowman this side of Manchester..." you smiled placing the two lumps of coal evenly on the snowmans face. "Oh, Arth wait... What about his nose?" You frowned realising that you didn't have anything for the poor snowmans nose, but Arthur just grinned.

It was a guilty smile at best, one hand scratching the back of his neck, the other reaching into his pocket to produce an apple he'd already taken a bite from. You gasped on a laugh when you saw it with a chunk chomped out the middle, the red skin torn jagged, juices catching the icy light.

"Hungry are you?" You smirked taking it from him and burrowing it bite side down into the snow so that your snowmans nose was bright and red just like Arthur's and your own. Pinched by the cold.

You used your finger to draw his smile and then when finally it was finished you took a step back turning to Arthur over your shoulder to ask what he thought.

"Well Mr Snow man?" You teased your smile cheeky and lingering painting another glowing blush on Arthur's cheeks. "What do you think? Handsome right?"

"Almost finished..." he said with a thoughtful frown as he took one more clumsy step forward to stand before your work of art.

Then you watched as he took his peaky cap from off his head and placed it down on the snowmans head.

"There..." he said admiring the noble and imposing figure of snow, "fuckin king of Birmingham that's what he is!"

"And here I always thought that was you..." you teased wrapping your arms around him, standing on tiptoes to kiss his nose. Shrieking with a laugh when he took you by surprise, bundling you up and slinging you over his shoulder to carry you home.

AN// sorry this is so short!!!!! I've been struggling to write so much recently but this was such s cute idea and I had to write you something before the winter was over and done with completely!!!!

This is really sweet, love it!!

Cloudy

Arthur Shelby x F!Reader 

Synopsis : Arthur married you on the basis of business but he can’t help but feel insecure as his new wife avoids his gaze.

Note : I don't drink and have never been in a relationship so im unqualified to write about it but whatever

GRAMMAR BAD, DON’T EAT ME!

Arthur’s drunk again. A celebration was held in honor of another company milestone at The Garrison this time with all the entire Shelbys and Grays present along with their most loyal allies and employees. All was present except for you. 

You were supposed to be Tommy’s so-called ‘gift’ to Arthur.Another way to say he had done a deal with another family that needed their girl married to a man, just like John and Esme. Except, he deem himself not as lucky as his younger brother. You were unusually quiet, never even smiling at their own wedding. 

Deep down Arthur knew this would happen. His father always told him that all a woman's good for is to comfort men thus he never really tried to court any, only finding comfort in hired women. It bites him in the ass of course, seeing his younger brothers building a family with the women they love while he drinks and rots away at the pub. He was never really the smartest one of the siblings. 

On the night of the wedding we opt to get drunk and banging other ladies at the reception. A part of him just wanted to let out steam but the other part wanted you to react but you never did. When the news hits you all you said to him was  ‘Good for you?”. He almost thought you were mad, what kind of reaction is that? It’s like you're treating him like a co-worker just having a normal conversation about what they did during the holiday. 

He could never get mad at you though, you kept his house tidy,cooked a warm dinner when he got home, and never complained when he came home drunk or bloodied. Oftentimes he would see you occupied in craft or reading only glancing at him when necessary. It hurts his pride to be ignored by his own wife but overtime he starts to treat your indifference as normal as he continues to visit brothels to try to mend his broken ego. 

Now he’s walking wobbly on the lonely streets back home to his stone faced wife. The dark skies are whirling all around his eyes and the pouring rain louder then usual assaults his ear drums. How many bottles of whiskey did he drink to get this drunk? He lost count, all he wants to do is to shut his eyes. 

When he arrives home it's already past midnight but the light from the windows are still bright. He opens the door seeing you reading a crimson covered book without lifting her eyes off the pages. 

“Y/N! You should pay attention when someone enters a room, we have enemies” slurring through his words he tries to get rid of his now soaking weighted coat. 

You arch your brows in question, “I know what your footsteps sounds like, if you were an intruder I would have shot you by now”. He huffs, thinking how typical for you to say that like you know everything. In his frustration, he aggressively tries to shake himself off his soaked clothes. His eyesight only seeing the pooling wet floor under him, thinking how typical of him to be  this foolish. 

A fuzzy towel ruffles his hair trying to dry it from the rain water. You had stood up to help him dry off, and undress him to his underwear. He’s too drunk to even freak out about being naked in front of her, just relieved to be separated from his soaked clothes. 

“C’mon I still have some warm water left” you hold his rough against to guide him to the bathroom where a tub of warm water was prepared. 

“I was going to soak in it after I read in case you come home in the morning” you let him soak in the warmth of the water, as you began to lather his body with soap diligently covering every crevice of his body like she had done this multiple times before. 

“Why do you do this?” his voice low and rough 

Your brows arch again at the question, “What? Why wouldn’t I?”

He snapped his head towards her suddenly “Cause you hate me” his voice was weak and tired, his eyes were clouded almost like he wasn’t even looking at you. 

You can feel your heartbeat fasten. Arthur was well known to be an outgoing and loud person, seeing him be this quite worried you especially his eyes. Those eyes you see countless times when you would tend to your depressed and hateful father. 

After a couple seconds of them staring at each other, a splash broke your trance. 

“DO YOU PITY ME WOMEN?? IS THAT WHY YOU AVOID ME EYES? DO YOU SEE THE DEVIL IN ME TOO?”  his eyes widen in anger at you, his own self hatred consumes him as he stared back at your dumbfounded look 

Hoping Arthur didn’t see you finch at his sudden burst of sound, you take a deep breath before answering “I don’t hate you” your voice firm yet soft trying to convey your sincerity. 

Shame washes over him realizing he just yelled at the person who’s trying to help him. His eyes avert yours “Then why didn’t you smile at our wedding?” 

A sudden cold air struck your lungs as your own eyes widened. This marriage had been an unexpected thing in your life but you never hated it, so why DIDN’T you smile? Your rough hands wrapped around itself as you try to answer his question logically “This marriage is just a contract between our families. I didn’t see the need to look happy at a work event” 

A burst of laughter echoes through the room. “A work event ey? This is just work to you” you can feel the pain in his voice, despite being arranged to marry you he still hoped to be a happy partner with you. 

Only now did you realize that you had been hurting his feelings. You thought you just had to do basic marital obligation for him, not once did you realize that you needed to put work onto your own feelings with him. 

“Forgive me Arthur. I’m…I’m what you call inept in these kinds of emotional things.” 

His hands wave at you dismissively “I don’t blame you luv. I’m not as smart or attractive as my brothers. I get it now” the water’s started to grow cold 

“I think your plenty smart and attractive Art plus your the first born” you slowly try to continue to wash him

“What does that have to do with anything?” his faces the wall, not wanting to look at you 

Being bold, you took his chin gently to face you “How did you figure they grow up to be so smart? Or healthy? Or attractive? Was it your dad who left you every night?”

HIs eyes widened at your words

“You were the one who worked with your Aunt to make sure your siblings can at get the education they need and put food at the dining table. You were the one who took the blame whenever your father came home drunk. You were the ones to look after your brothers back at the army so they can arrive safe back home.” your hands instinctively slither around his hands warming them as the water of the tub starts to grow cold. 

“I’m the oldest too” 

A silent understanding bloomed between you two. You helped him clean up and as he get dressed you cooked him a meal before bed. During that time you two go on through the routine without talking but with the air lighter as it did a day ago.

“I’m sorry that I’ve been avoiding your gaze Art” 

“I was being dramatic, I should have talked to you instead of getting drunk” his mind now a bit more clearer as he lay in the comfortable mattress 

“As long as your safe and honest with me I think I could excuse anything you do after all you are a Shelby I would have already ran away if I wasn’t prepared” 

“Is that why you avoid me all this time? So you don’t get hurt?”

“Part of it is yea but the other part is just I never really had any experience with a romantic partner before” you get in under the blanket with him 

He chuckled “That’s just a fancy way of saying your a virgin 

“I don’t want to hear that calls himself the devil like some hormonal teenager” as you try to wave him off and prepare to sleep he grabs your arm, forcing you to meet his gaze 

“Kiss me. Prove to me that your willing to try this thing and not just saying promises for the sake of it” frim and anticipating your reaction his once cloudy eyes are clear and bright 

You breathe in to compose yourself “Fine”  Hesitantly you close your eyes tight, pursing your lips like a goldfish as it finally makes contact with his own thin lips. When you lean back to see his reaction you see a mischievous smile like he finally got the upper hand on you. 

“What a prude!”

Hi, Reb!! For Nina

🟣 : favorite color moodboard

Thank you so much for this ask, Flor🤍

Nina’s favourite colour is orange. For the ones who only know her from the “outside”, it might seem unusual because of the way she carries herself. Orange is quite a cheerful colour, and Nina can’t be exactly considered cheerful. However, the softer shades of orange remind her of sunrises, sunsets, fire and the flowers that used to grow in her grandma’s garden, thus bringing her a sense of peace.

Nina Ferrante is the OC from my Tommy Shelby x OC series Heart, Body and Soul.

First of all, thank you for writing this for us anxious people, I really needed this<3

And I am amazed by how you make these so accurate too!

Now, I love all of these, and here are just a few I particularly liked:

"Because if there's one person you know is always going to win a fight, always going to protect you... It's your Arthur..." Oh pleease, just how sweet is this😭

"He's a little clumsy sure, sometimes he makes you jump when he puts his arms around you and squeezes you tight sure, but nothing can make you feel better like one of Arthur's "everything will be alright" hugs. His mustache tickling your cheek as he kisses you and tries to reassure you, tries to soften his gruff tone for you talking as quietly as he can in your ear." I would very much like that, thank youu

"But if you didn't want to talk about it that would be alright too, he'd make a little joke "shit at talkin anyway are I..." he'd wink, hoping to draw a smile on your tear stained cheeks." And he would definitely do something like this, I can't😭❤️

Hi! I’m having a very hard time with anxiety at the moment I was wondering if you could do a peaky blinders characters (men) dealing with an anxious reader?

Hello lovely, I'm sorry to hear you're having a rough time at the moment and I hope these HCs can bring you a little comfort!! Anxiety is a rotter and when it gets bad it can feel v overwhelming I know that myself, so sending you lots of love and hugs and vibes <3

Slight nsfw in some places.

Tommy

🌿 When you first met eachother you both tried to hide your dark sides from one another. Tommy trying to hide his criminal activity, his brutal kill or be killed philosophy and his nihilistic world view which allows him to be so callous and cruel when he needs to be.

🌿 You were just trying to be the kind of woman that wouldn't irritate him. For as long as you could remember you'd been an anxious person, timid, easily scared, always caught up in your own spiralling thoughts, as skittish as a foal. You didn't want to get in Tommy's way, didn't want him to think you silly or hysterical...

🌿 So you tried so hard to pretend to be just like the other women in his life, women like Polly, Ada and Lizzy who you were sure feared nothing and nobody. Bold women who spoke their mind without fearing the consequences.

🌿And Tommy would try his best to play the gentle, gentleman. He'd do his best never to raise his voice around you, to always speak a little softer. Always being careful not to worry you, not to let you see his concern.

🌿 Though neither of you realised it for a little while, you were both hiding your true selves from one another because you could see right through one another's little acts.

🌿 Tommy could see the fear in your eyes every time you entered a room, he could see how you did the same as him - checked for every exit, every potential threat, every place to hide. Except he could tell you were seeing threats he wasn't. He knew you weren't like Ada or Lizzie or Polly from the moment he first laid eyes upon you and talking to you, getting close to you, seeing the way you struggled to force yourself to look him in the eye only to tear your gaze away seconds later, well that only confirmed his suspicions.

🌿 And you knew all about Thomas Shelby, infamous ganster, the war hero who threw his medals into the cut, a man quite opposite to you, never fearful, always feared. So his gentleness towards you confused you, made your head spin, left you so bewildered and perhaps slightly paranoid that you were falling victim to one of his tricks, that despite your best efforts you couldn't live up to the ferocity and strong willed reputation of those other women at Shelby Company Limited.

🌿 So despite his best efforts to be kind and careful Tommy Shelby still scares you and you find your anxiety so hard to control around him...

🌿 And though anxious women aren't usually his type he's so drawn to you, his need to rescue you is too strong to ignore. You remind him of a baby bird, a little twitchy and nervous, delicate and precious. All he wants is to pick you up off the ground and treasure you. Make you feel safe all the time.

🌿 He knows exactly how dangerous the world can be for women like you so he can't ignore his protective urge, can't ignore his desire to have you and take care of you...

🌿 Much to your torment then he refuses to let you alone, you can feel his eyes on you whenever you're in the room with him, he never strays far from you and you feel self-conscious worrying what he must think of you being so timid so often.

🌿 But all Tommy can think about when he sees you shying away from others is how he can protect you, how he can get you to feel safe around him... he wants to be the person you feel safe around, the one you look to in a busy room to keep you grounded and calm...

🌿 Deep down Tommy probably knows he should stay away from you, keep you away from his world where you will be in danger all the time, but in true Tommy fashion he thinks he's the only person on the planet that knows how you feel, the only person who could possibly take care of you and be everything you need.

🌿 Very quickly learns the things which seem to set you off, the daily household tasks which you struggle with most and has them taken care of for you... He doesn't say anything to you about this, just quietly deals with all the things he knows cause you dread... It won't necessarily help you get better but he doesn't care so much about forcing you to get better, not if he can keep you happy by taking the stresses away.

🌿 He uses words of reassurance when he can tell you're anxious, he will go over plans meticulously with you if he thinks it will help. However he can tell when that won't help, when you simply need to be told not to worry about a thing. "Don't you think about that now sweetheart, you let me do the thinking on this one eh, when have I ever let you down before eh? Everything's under control, there isn't one single thing you could think of I haven't already thought of so just you shut your eyes, take a nice deep breath, and relax eh? For me?"

🌿 Tommy's very good at talking you down from your anxiety, he'll pull you in close to him, his arms gentle around your waist, his lips right beside your ear as he murmurs reassurance and love to you.

🌿 He will always speak so gently and so carefully to you, holding your hands or your cheeks in his hands, lightly stroking his thumb over your skin to sooth you. He will play with your hair and tuck it behind your ear, stroking your cheek. All these soft affectionate little touches to keep your attention on him and the present moment.

🌿 "Look at me angel, you look at me when I'm talking to you so I know you're listening to me right?" you're so often too timid to look him in the eye when he speaks to you that he always makes sure to get close to you, tilts your chin up so you're looking up at him, and when you try to drag your gaze away he chuckles softly, "cmon y/n I know you're not afraid of me..."

🌿 He always feels guilty when he has to host busy parties because he knows they'll have your nerves in pieces so he always makes sure to come and rescue you, sneak you off for a breather... he'll cut into the conversation you're having, "My apologies, may I borrow y/n for a moment..." with no intention of bringing you back. It always makes you jump because he always seems to sneak in out of nowhere but when you turn around and see him your heart sings!

🌿 He will take you down to the stables, or off into the gardens. The stables is your favourite however, and his too. He thinks its amusing, to sneak down their in your finery, the two of you dressed to the nines stepping through the hay. He'll place you down on a hay bale and admire the view, how pretty you look with your dress and your jewellery, all silky and sweet... and shy. Then he'll sit down beside you and take your hands in his and he'll apologise for putting you through another party. "Y'know I hate these things too, I'd happily burn that bloody ballroom down right now..." he'll be trying to make you giggle, trying to relax you.

🌿 He'll make you dance with him in the stables, sometimes in silence sometimes humming to you... He'll have you resting against him, your feet balancing on top of his to save your little slippers from getting dirtied. And he'll turn you in slow circles, kissing you every now and then, talking to you quietly about how lovely it will be later when everyone else has "fucked off to their own homes eh..."

🌿 Deep down he knows he can't protect you from everything however it's what he tells you all the time, and he definitely believes that himself too, he's determined you'll never be anxious again... But obviously thats not how anxiety works and when he can see that your anxiety has been building and building with no outlet for too long he has other methods of alleviating your stress... Tommy knows that sometimes the only way to dispel that sickening physical anxiety you feel is to scream...

🌿 So when its all becoming too much for you he takes you out riding on his fastest, wildest horse (not so wild of course that he can't control it and keep you safe, simply wild enough that you have the impression of being in a little danger) hell have you sitting in front of him, his arms either side of you caging you in securely, and he'll take you racing across the moors so fast it snatches your breath from you, you'll be screaming, heart racing, adrenaline surging through your body but by the end of it you'll be laughing and rosy cheeked and you'll feel safe in the knowledge that Tommy is there to keep you safe always.

🌿 He'll help you down from the horse and place you down on the grass somewhere in the middle of nowhere, hold you lying back against his chest whilst the two of you get your breath back. And knowing Tommy he'll try to give you some wise little speech about managing your emotions, about how your mind has a way of working against you sometimes, that he doesn't know why it happens - probably because it thinks its helping you to survive- but that sometimes it does and its alright as long as you can reason with yourself, know when your mind is lying to you.

🌿 He takes you down to the stables to meet the new foal and teaches you how to talk to her without spooking her, you watch him in awe as he whispered to her gently and coaxes the timid creature to him, and he turns back to you, his knuckles still brushing the foals face, "see, you're not the only one y/n, she like her peace and quiet too..." he teased beckoning you over to meet her, "here we are girl, brought someone to say hello, there there now don't be shy, it's alright girl, it's alright... This is y/n, she's just like you eh... So she's gonna take good care of you, cause she knows exactly how you feel..."

🌿 Yes, Tommy thinks horses cure everything.

🌿 If you get bad anxiety at night which stops you from sleeping he doesn't mind you joining him in his study. He hardly sleeps anyway and he knows it comforts you to be in his presence. So he keeps a blanket in his study and a rocking chair with cushions for you to curl up. He'll make you something warm to drink or offer you a nightcap and he'll let you sit up with him whilst he works quietly, the two of you in a comfortable silence until you drift off. He always makes sure to carry you to bed when you do eventually fall asleep and often your drifting off is what reminds him he needs sleep too. So you always wake up snuggled up beside him in the morning.

🌿 He'll read to you when you're worn out, or on the days when your anxiety has paralysed you and you can't muster the energy or the stillness of mind to leave your bed. He'll pull the covers back and rest your head in lap, get you wrapped up in the duvet and then sit reading to you, one hand in your hair fingers tangling with your locks as he strokes your hair.

🌿 "it's funny ain't it y/n, when people talk about Thomas Shelby they don't tend to talk about a gentle man...but this is what you've made of me ain't it... This is what you've done to me..."

🌿 Tommy will talk you up in a very measured but determined way, when you're anxious about yourself he will remind you of all your strengths and he'll reassure you that your perceived weaknesses are not weaknesses at all. "Everybody has weaknesses sweetheart, it's all about knowing how to light them up just right..." He's always reassuring you that the things you perceive as weaknesses, such as your anxious nature, are strengths when looked at from a certain angle.

🌿 And he'll never let you put yourself down, whenever you do start letting your demons get the better of you, he'll let you get it all off your chest but he'll never entertain your concerns, he'll be short and sweet about it, "It's funny you know hearing you say all of that with all of that conviction love, cause none of it's true is it?"

🌿 He never fails to let you know how proud of you he is. He's very fatherly in the way he guides you through challenges, always there to give you that little nod of encouragement, the hand on your pack to push you a pace forward when you hesitate. The warm smile, the quiet "atta girl" when you impress not only him but yourself too.

Alfie

🐻 You were Camden born and raised and your family were close with Mr Solomons. He'd known you since you were young and he'd watched a once somewhat precocious child grow to be timid, withdrawn and terribly reserved.

🐻 When you come to work for him as a secretary (a favour to your father who fears sending his timid daughter to work for strangers) Alfie is somewhat relieved to know he'll be able to keep an eye on you. Because he's always been fond of you... Your anxious nature has always brought out his tender side and despite everything, Alfie likes having someone to be soft with...

🐻 And he is so soft with you... It's almost embarrassing the way he treats you in comparison to everyone else and you're certain there's some resentment among the bakers because Alfie never raises his voice at you, never speaks sharply or cruelly to you. You get away with every mistake you make - and that's many because your anxiety has you so deeply in your own thoughts that often your fear of fucking up is what makes you fuck up.

🐻 But Alfie never seems to lose patience with you, he's always there to pick you up, guide you gently, fix your mistakes. "Never mind ziskeit, ain't no point crying over spilt milk... Although this here bread is a little more expensive than milk ain't it... Never you mind though yeah cause thats my problem ain't it, ain't your problem... You come with me yeah, into my office for minute, I'll get you a glass of somethin nice for those nerves of yours and we'll see you're feeling right as rain in no time at all my darlin..." he says putting his arm around your shoulder and guiding you away out of sight from any onlookers.

🐻 he can't help the affectionate way he feels towards you when he can feel you shaking like a little bird and the way he chuckles and says, "look at you, shakin like a little leaf caught in a very bad storm" makes you blush something chronic.

🐻 "Ain't no good at all that is it, nah ziskeit that won't do at all... We'll have to sort this out right away won't we, ain't no time to lose if you ask me..." he'd be tutting and studying your features, pinching your cheek until you smile, looking up at him shyly from under your lashes.

🐻 you've never been scared of Alfie Solomons, you've always known he was a friend to you, but that's not to say he didn't once intimidate you... When you first started working for him you used to jump out of your skin every time he spoke to you, and when he shouted at the bakers or when you could hear him ripping into someone in his office when a meeting had gone south well, he terrified you...Once... Not anymore...

🐻 Because whenever he saw you flinch at his raised voice he would apologise to you quietly, whenever he realised you'd probably overheard the goings on in his office, he'd have you brought to him and he'd spin you some yarn about the bad men he'd sent running for the hills. And he'd always take your cheek in his hand and stroke his thumb over your lips so gently when he spoke to you, told you that there was nothing for you to be worried about, that you'd find yourself held hypnotised by him. It would be impossible not to believe him and so you learned to look to him as your protector pretty quickly. He wouldn't have had it any other way.

🐻 He thinks you're like a baby bird and he tells you all the time, especially when he wants to tease you or see you blush. When he really wants to tease you he'll remind you what a precious young lady you used to be, he'll bring up all the times you gave the younger him a piece of your mind... "And some mind it is ziskeit, fuckin only God knows how scared of you I am..." he's only joking with you but the way he shudders makes you believe him. The wistful look he gets when he talks about the girl you used to be isn't lost on you though and you know he often wonders what happened to see you shrink into yourself the way that you have...

🐻 You're always anxious about getting in the way or frustrating him and so you almost always start your sentences with "sorry" and if you don't start your sentence with sorry it's because your sentence ends with "sorry" sometimes you start and finish a sentence with the word sorry... It drives Alfie up the wall and he makes a rule about "all this saying sorry unnecessarily when there ain't nothin to be sorry for..."

🐻 Whenever you apologise to him he gives you a little warning look, light-hearted enough but enough of a look that it stops you in your tracks. "Now now ziskeit, just what was it we agreed about that word?" "Uh.. if, if I say it I have to explain it?" "Right yeah, yeah that does sound familiar don't it... Yeah I'd say that is what we agreed... So... y/n ain't you gonna tell me then what you are saying sorry for today?" "Uh..." you always trail off because you never really know, saying sorry is just an anxious tick, one of those words which just slips out because you never really feel like you're doing the right thing...

🐻 "Right... Yeah, now thats exactly what I thought you might do y/n... That little trail off you just did there yeah, that's because you don't really know what you're saying sorry for right... And you know the reason you don't really know what you're saying sorry for yeah, is that there ain't no reason for you to be sorry at all..."

🐻 Naturally you open your mouth to say sorry, freezing with your lips parted halfway through the word when you realise what you're about to say... Alfie doesn't need to say anything, he'll just use his thumb to close your lips and give you a gentle pat on the cheek... "There..." he'll say softly, "that's better right, no more saying sorry... You ain't gotta be sorry to me for nothin ziskeit..."

🐻 Theatrical reassurance at the very least, this man will give you speech after speech after speech about how you should never be worried he's not going to want to see you, or talk to you, or be too busy for you, or be angry with you or anything... "Because you see ziskeit, and this is the thing right, this should have been inscribed by the finger of God on Moses' stones yeah... You are the light of my fuckin life right, and there ain't a single thing on this forsaken earth, not a single thing that could ever taint you in my eyes right... I am yours and you are mine and so that shall forever be..."

🐻 He likes to make you repeat that last bit for him everyday, just to make sure it really sinks in.

🐻 Alfie only teases you because he wants to try and build your confidence, he wants to coax that cheeky nature he knows you have out of hiding. So he gets a little playful with you sometimes, tricking you into letting your guard down, showing you it's alright to be yourself when you're with him.

🐻 Alfie praises you so much, he wants to make sure you know exactly how wonderful, how clever, how important to him you are... And the praise always makes you blush and shy away which is an added bonus for him because he thinks you're very pretty when you blush. He's always telling you how brave you are too, reminding you that you're ten times as brave as he is because you get through so many things that scare you, and you face every day even when every day things make you feel like hiding away for ever.

🐻 "As long as you ain't hiding from me my little ziskeit"

🐻 When you're feeling horribly anxious and sick Alfie will wrap you up tight in his arms, squeezing you in a big bear hug so that your body is pressed close to his snug and secure and he won't let go even when you try to pull away. He'll hold onto you and stroke your hair, lift you up off your feet. You can bury your face in his shirt or the crook of his neck and close your eyes or cry or just breathe in the smell of him to your heart's content.

🐻 He understands that you tire quickly, "I don't know my ziskeit look at you, gone an worn yourself out again... Come over here and rest awhile yeah, come curl up by the fire with your old man..."

🐻 He likes to have you curled up in his lap, the two of you sitting in his armchair by the fire in the lowlight of the evening or late at night when you can't sleep. The two of you will be listening to the crackle of the fire with Cyril curled up at your feet.

🐻 Alfie always pretends to be grumpy when Cyril, sensing your anxiety, abandons Alfie in favour of you. The sooky lump will plop his head down in your lap and nuzzle you until he gets your attention, draws you out of your negative thoughts to pet him instead... And Alfie will grumble and say things like "oh I might have known you'd abandon me - your devoted and loyal master for her you rotten old sook" but really he'll be glad to see Cyril offering you comfort, glad to see the smile warm your features when you begin defending Cyril, telling him not to listen to that grumpy old man who doesn't know anything.

🐻 "Oh is that what you think of me now ziskeit? Two betrayals in one evening, my godforsaken heart is in pieces, torn to shreds, you cruel cruel girl..."

🐻 At night he sleeps on his side with you nuzzled in beside him, his arm wrapped around you tight, the weight of his body leant gently against yours relaxing you as you fall asleep.

🐻 If ever any of the bakers do step out of line and snap at you, or if ever he hears them complaining that "that fuckin number girls always getting special treatment.." then Alfie likes to make a display of them, humiliating them in front of the rest of the men so that no one else will ever step out of line. "You wanna come up here and say that again?" He asks tapping on a barrel with his cane, making them get up on top to "present your thoughts to the room yeah? Cause not everyone heard you the first time and well, I'm sure it was important wasn't it... So I'm sure you'd like everyone to know exactly what you said just now about our y/n..."

🐻 And of course no man's ever stupid enough to get up there and repeat themselves. They only ever get as far as climbing up onto the barrel, hands trembling cause they're sure whatever comes next is going to hurt...

🐻 "Right... Yeah... Fuckin silence... Yeah I thought that might happen I did... You see your problem yeah mate, is that in this world right you've gotta pick one of two things right, you can either be fuckin stupid, or a fuckin coward... Now you can't be both right, you can't be both..."

🐻 Safe to say that what does follow makes sure they never say a word again.

🐻 When you do put yourself down, or he finds you getting yourself all worked up about a mistake you made or worrying that you're not good enough he will coax you over to him, get you as close to him as he can whether that's sitting you in his lap or towering above you, your body trapped between him and the wall, his knuckles beneath your chin..

🐻 "Now now my little ziskeit, what exactly have I told you about saying all these nasty, cruel things about yourself yeah? Now I wouldn't let anyone else get away with saying those sorts of 'orrible things about you would I? So how am I supposed to sit back and listen to all that without doing something about it? Will you tell me that ziskeit?"

🐻 Alfie can talk the hind legs off a donkey any day but when it comes to saying positive things about his lass he could talk for days, and he doesn't stop, all these meandering sentences laced with your praises, laced with teasing little threats too to warn you off ever saying those cruel things about yourself again... "Next time I catch you saying 'orrible things about yourself my girl I'll have to make sure you remember the rules right?"

Arthur

🍂 At a glance and certainly judging from his reputation you might assume that Arthur Shelby hasn't got an anxious bone in his body. That he's never experienced anything close to the full body panic which grips you at the slightest sense of uncertainty...

🍂 Especially because Arthur is well aware of the reputation he has as a blazé trigger happy thug and just how important it is that he keeps that reputation up... Arthur makes a show of being reckless, of brushing off everyone else's concerns with a shrug of his shoulders...

🍂 No matter what it is you're worrying about, no matter what it is that has your head spinning and foggy so that you can't think straight for all the fuzz, Arthur always says the same thing...

🍂 "Now don't you worry about a thing my love, nowt bads gonna happen to you my darlin, you're with the peaky blinders, everything's gonna go your way"

🍂 And sometimes it's enough to see someone else so confident, so self assured, sometimes his high energy levels, his apparent through the roof self esteem is enough to lift you out of your anxious pit... Enough to settle your nerves... Because if there's one person you know is always going to win a fight, always going to protect you... It's your Arthur...

🍂 But sometimes it's not enough and seeing him shrug off your worries just upsets you, makes you all the more scared... Makes you worry about other things you hadn't been worrying about before... Like what if you're too meak for him what if he's going to get sick of having a lass who's so "cowardly" and "pathetic"....

🍂 And because you're upset but also worrying about these other things you'll try not to show it. Try to keep it all bottled up, you get quieter, you start avoiding him (which is difficult because Arthur doesn't like to go a day without seeing you!) Trying your best to stay out of his way... Sometimes when you watch him, the way his confidence, his outrageous personality take over a room, the way he snatches up everyone's attention so easily, so proudly, makes you feel a little unworthy of him...

🍂 You love to see him so buzzed and lit up but it makes you a little sad because you know you can never be the same, you think you could never have that kind of spark, that ballsy charisma... That in comparison to him you're nothing but a timid little mouse that most people wouldn't even notice...

🍂 But the thing is Arthur knows more than anyone just what you feel like, how torn up and terrified you feel on the inside, because more often than not Arthur feels it too! He's always so so scared of letting everyone down, scared that he's too much, too volatile, too unpredictable, that he's going to put the family at risk by being stupid, by making the wrong move or by letting his fear and PTSD "get the better of him"

🍂 He's spent years trying to bottle all those emotions up just like Tommy always told him, have a drink and push the feelings down... Grit his teeth through the pain... But he can't. And so he knows just how you feel and he wishes he could find a good way to tell you but he isn't any good with words, so instead he tries his best to help you when he can through his actions.

🍂 Arthur wishes he could hug and kiss your troubles away, wishes that one lingering forehead kiss could cure your nerves, soothe those shivers... But he knows it can't... still that doesn't stop him from trying. He's a little clumsy sure, sometimes he makes you jump when he puts his arms around you and squeezes you tight sure, but nothing can make you feel better like one of Arthur's "everything will be alright" hugs. His mustache tickling your cheek as he kisses you and tries to reassure you, tries to soften his gruff tone for you talking as quietly as he can in your ear.

🍂 Arthur hates seeing you cry, hates seeing you look so scared but you so often do and it hurts his soul to see you in pain, he will do anything he can to try and make you feel better and so he is always bringing you little gifts, always trying to tell bad jokes to make you laugh, always trying to offer you reassurance... Although he doesn't like to focus on the things that make you anxious, he'd rather brush them off so that perhaps you won't give the thoughts so much gravity.

🍂 When you do look up at him with teary eyes though and he realises his assurances aren't working the way that he wants them to he'll take your cheeks in his rough palms and hold your face as carefully as he can, he brushes your tears away with his thumbs and presses a long kiss to your forehead. "Come on now my darlin don't you cry, no tears eh you're with me ain't you, so everythings alright... I know I ain't the friendliest man but you know I'll always look after you eh, you're my girl ain't you, so I'll always look after you..."

🍂 The first time you have a panic attack in front of him you're terrified he's going to think you're insane, scared that he'll think you're hysterical and slap you the way men often do to hysterical women, but when he sees you shaking, the tears streaming down your cheeks as you drop to the floor he recognises the emotional agony in you as something he's been through himself many times before...

🍂 And so he knows exactly what you need, how you need someone to be careful and gentle with you, how you need to be held, your head cradled to him as he gets down on the floor with you, slips his legs beneath yours and bundles you carefully into his lap. He keeps you close to him, reassuring you, telling you to breathe with him, telling you it will pass soon enough and that he's with...

🍂 "Salright my darlin I've got you ain't I, I'm here and I ain't goin nowhere, you're gonna be alright eh, I'm here... Me an you eh, we'll get through this together won't we..."

🍂 He lets you cling to him like your life depends on him, and in that moment it really feels like it does, like he's the only thing grounding you, like without him this horrible feeling would swallow you whole and trap you in a nightmare forever. But Arthur won't ever let that happen to you.

🍂 He'd kiss your hair and rock you, hold onto you for as long as you needed, he'd shush your crying but he'd let you get it all out of your system because he knows how awful it feels to be told to swallow it down.

🍂 And when you were ready he'd ask you what happened, what sent you spiralling and if you wanted to speak he'd listen, concentrating hard so that he can remember every detail, so that he can try and stop it from happening in the future.

🍂 But if you didn't want to talk about it that would be alright too, he'd make a little joke "shit at talkin anyway are I..." he'd wink, hoping to draw a smile on your tear stained cheeks. He'd be so gentle with you, wiping your tears away and then laughing at the dirt he's accidentally smeared across your cheeks.

🍂 He is unfortunately the king of unhealthy coping mechanisms and he would absolutely think he was doing a good thing pouring you a whisky for your nerves... He'll pour the both of you a glass and sit down beside you on the floor, he'll clink them together and help steady your hand as you take a tentative sip.

🍂 When you try to apologise for being dramatic he'll get annoyed, he'll try not to snap at you but it'll certainly come out as a grumble when he tells you not to talk "any of that shite..." It's only because he doesn't want you to put yourself down, only because he hates the people who would let you believe that you were being hysterical or dramatic.

🍂 And then he'll confess that he knows how you feel, knows what that feels like when you feel like the whole worlds ending, that he wouldn't wish that feeling on his worst enemy... That he's only sorry he couldn't do more to help you through it... That you're to tell him if that ever happens to you again because he never wants you to go through it on your own...

🍂 You're really quite shocked to know that your Arthur does in fact have his fair share of fears and doubts but him being honest with you helps build the trust between you so that it runs all the deeper and you become accustomed to depending on him, turning to him whenever you feel even the slightest hint of anxiety.

🍂 He's always there to reassure you that you're perfect the way you are, that you aren't getting in his way, that of course he loves you just the way you are, that you're not letting anyone down... And having someone look up to him the way that you do, does wonders to his own self esteem, knowing he's got someone who depends on him, who trusts him, thinks the world of him, thinks he's the bravest person they know, makes him feel fucking brave and dependable and strong.

🍂 At parties and late nights down the Garrison he'll order your drinks for you, he'll keep you tucked up under his arm all night and he'll introduce you to more of those unhealthy coping mechanisms (staying up all night, drinking, smoking, dancing.... having rough risky sex in other people's bathrooms whilst dazzlingly drunk)

🍂 Will not however let you touch the snow because "see that stuff right it's fuckin amazin but it's fuckin horrible stuff an all, devils stuff, tricks you right, makes you feel on top of the fucking world and then it drops you down in bloody hell and abandons you there and I don't ever wanna see you endin up there my darlin..."

🍂 And if anyone ever says anything about how quiet you are, or how youre always hiding away, how you ain't much of a peaky blinder, Arthur will shoot them that warning look, silencing them in seconds. His eyes growing dark, threatening, looking to the culprit with unforgiving malice in his eyes.

🍂 So people quickly learn that if they haven't got anything nice to say about you they'd better not say anything at all. And the more time you spend with Arthur the more his wild side rubs off on you... Your anxiety never disappears, but some things do get easier with your Arthur by your side because you know he'll never abandon you or let you fall back into that darkness again.

🍂 And Arthur finds that his own anxieties are quelled too, that through loving you he learns that he can be soft, gentle, kind, nurturing, all the things he thought he was incapable of... He learns that he isn't the monster he has grown to believe himself to be... That he has a heart just like any other man, that he is loving.

John

🌼 Now John really doesn't have an anxious bone in his body. If he wants something he goes after it never stopping to question whether he's got ideas above his station, never stopping to question whether or not people will still like him if he prioritises his own needs...

🌼 That's the polar opposite of you and you know people must wonder why you're together, what he sees in you... Why he hasn't left you for someone more suitable, someone a little more fierce...

🌼 Because it is obvious, to everyone, how different you two are and even though John lives in his little world of optimism, despite his own lackadaisical nature, even he's noticed the way your shoulders are always tense, the way you hold onto things too tightly. The way you never stop counting the little ones, even when it's just the family at home.

🌼 At first he thought you were just an attentive mammy, but he's seen the fear in your eyes when you miscount because you're tired, or when one of the kids is hiding under the kitchen table and you lose sight of them for a moment. He's seen how quickly you pale and think the worst, how the tears rush to your eyes...

🌼 And he's felt the way you jump sometimes when you're tired and he's crossed the kitchen to your side a little quieter than usual, when you weren't expecting his arm to snake around your waist to pull you away from the dirty dishes and into him.

🌼 The way sometimes your eyes get this distant fear in them and you stop hearing the things people say to you because youve been sucked into another hole of anxious thoughts spiralling out of control in your mind...

🌼 He'd been drawn to you because you seemed so quiet and sweet, because you blushed every time he spoke to you, because you always looked so lost for words whenever he asked you a question or tried to tease you... You'd been unlike any other woman he'd ever been romantically interested in and that had felt like a challenge... A fun little game to play...

🌼 But the more he'd gotten to know you and understand the kind of lass you really were, the more the urge to protect you, sweep you up off your feet and soothe your worries, grew. The more he wanted to be the one you depended on. The one who could get you to relax a little, the one you felt safe around. He just wanted to give you a warm, loving home where you would feel safe...

🌼 He's so cheeky and always teasing you and his jovial nature makes it hard not to trust that everything will be alright, he believes that so firmly himself afterall... Sometimes his laidback nature is too much and you get stressed he doesn't seem to be planning or taking things seriously enough, however when you do snap or cry he can reassure you completely. Hugs, forehead kisses, an easy laugh as he pats your cheek and tells you everything's under control.

🌼 He will always step up to be the life of a conversation or party so that you don't have to, he'll include you in the conversation by slinging his arm around your shoulder and squeezing you into his side, occasionally looking down at you to lock eyes when he makes a teasing comment or a joke made only for you... Has a way of making you involved even when youre shying away from the conversation.

🌼 He's really proud of you, his "beautiful, beautiful flower!" And will shower you with praise all the time, he'll never let you or anyone else forget how important you are and he's always singing your praises, telling everyone what a brilliant mammy you are and how much the kids (and him) adore you, he won't let you or anyone else doubt you for a second!

🌼 He's a very chaotic man, very spirited, and boyish... He often takes a joke to far or gets a little too boisterous, and sometimes when you're feeling easily overwhelmed, senses working overtime, it can all get a little too much and John has to calm down so that he can calm you...

🌼 Sometimes John swears he can see your pulse racing in your throat as your eyes flicker around the room. You're constantly counting the little ones to make sure they're all there... He'll joke with you, come up behind you, hands on your shoulders giving you a little massage all "Relax would you sweetheart, this is a party... You don't need to worry about the kids we're all family here, they're perfectly safe..."

🌼 But when he bows his head to steal a quick kiss from your neck he really does feel how your pulse is racing and your body is shaking and when you turn to him with tears in your eyes he's really taken back.

🌼 "What is it love what's the matter?" Of course the moment he realises how frightened you are he stops his teasing, his brows knitting to a frown, his hand leaving you and reaching into the back of his pants for the gun he keeps tucked away just in case... "Is something wrong?" He asks in that tone which you know is reserved for only the most serious of situations and you feel so ashamed and embarrassed because this isn't a dangerous situation at all, you know it's not...

🌼 So you shake your head quickly and push away from him apologies tumbling out of your mouth quietly but dramatically, much more dramatically than you'd like... "Sorry... S.. sorry John this is just... Too much it's too much..." and just like that you're fleeing, out of the crowded kitchen and into the garden where the rain has sent the mud flowing over the stone path.

🌼 When these sorts of things happen and you run away from him in a panic, John sobers up to the situation pretty quickly, following after you, losing that boisterous streak, softening for you because he knows you need his softer side...

🌼 He'll find you outside in the rain and try to shield you from the weather with his body as best you can, gathering you towards the shade of a tree or the awnings of the roof. Somewhere out the rain, somewhere it can be just the two of you.

🌼 He'll wipe your tears with his sleeves and hold your face in his hands gently guiding your gaze up to meet his, "Why'd you runaway from me flower?" He asks even though he knows the answer now, realises that you had one of those moments where everything just became too much for you, the busy room, the noise of the party, the chatter, bodies having to squeeze by one another and around the furniture... It had all been too much and for a moment you'd lost yourself... And he hadn't noticed your panic until it was too late so he'd not been able to help...

🌼 "I'm sorry sweetheart, I didn't see it..." he'd sigh brushing your tears with his knuckles, pushing your hair from your face and kissing your forehead before giving you a warm gentle hug, completely surrounded your body with his as he holds you close. You close your eyes and take a deep breath, nuzzling into his shirt as he holds you steady and still. You feel better just for having his arms around you outside in the rain.

🌼 The garden is so peaceful, the pitter patter of the rain off the cobbles, and as John holds you close you feel yourself begin to calm down, your shoulders relax and your head stops spinning. You don't feel so sick anymore and you rest your body against his.

🌼 He doesn't like it when you try to say sorry after your "moments" as he calls them, doesn't like to see you looking guilty when he blames himself for you getting overwhelmed. He'll always tell you, "wasn't your fault sweetheart, don't say sorry for things that ain't your fault..." and then he'll make you promise that next time you'll find him before it gets too much so that he can rescue you in time.

🌼 John is very sensual, and whilst he might be a little boisterous and laddish his healing/love language is definitely physical touch... The signs of your anxiety which he notices first are always physical and his first instinct is always to try to soothe these physical signs...

🌼 He'll run you a hot bath for the two of you to share when the kids are all asleep (he'll have made up some silly story to keep them all in bed and quiet too) and he'll have you lie down between his legs, your head resting in the crook of his shoulder.

🌼 He'll run his hands over your shoulders and down your arms, massaging you in all the places you feel tender and sore, all the places he can feel tension...

🌼He'll bathe you, washing you gently, washing your hair and brushing it for you, wrapping you up in towels afterwards, carrying you to bed, smothering you in kisses, tickling and teasing you, physically relaxing you completely... Hovering above you in bed, scattering kisses along your shoulders up your neck to your lips...

🌼 John definitely knows exactly how to fuck the tension out of you and he's very talented when it comes to replacing that anxious head spinning fuzz with a blissed out kind of cloudiness instead.

🌼 If your adrenaline is all fired up and you've been restless and anxious all day he will have you lie across his lap, or have you sit between his legs so that he can let his fingers tease and then fuck that anxious adrenaline out of you...

🌼 He knows exactly how to take care of you when he's physically tired you out, scooping you up in his arms, letting you sleep with your head on his chest, his fingers stroking soothing patterns on your back until you fall asleep. .

🌼 He's always taking on that patriarchal roll, reminding you that he's your man, that that means it's his job to take care of you and look after you... So you can trust him to do just that...

🌼 "I'm your man eh, so trust me..." He'll say holding your cheeks in his palms, close enough to you that his nose is brushing yours as he looks at you not quite serious and not quite joking either. He'll pat your cheek and flash you a winning smile and when he's feeling particularly cheeky and he can tell he hasn't quite won you over he will bring the kids into it too...

🌼 "Katie love come 'ere for a second sweetheart, come say hello to your mammy..." he'll say scooping her up in his arms so that she's resting on his hip between the two of you. "Katie love, dya trust your daddy?" He'll flash you a cheeky smile when she giggles because you both knew she was going to say "Yeah!" Before he'd even asked the questio. "See flower... Katie trusts daddy, so you can trust him too eh"

🌼 John will absolutely make the most inappropriate dad jokes to try and lighten your mood and even when you feel sick with anxiety you can't help but smirk at some of them. They're terrible.

🌼 Whenever you put yourself down John never seems to take it too seriously, not because he doesn't care that you don't think very much of yourself but instead because he can't imagine a world in which any of the things you say are true... He'll laugh your negative self talk off light-heartedly, shake his head, hold your face in his hands as he gives you a kiss and says "sweetheart if you believe all that you're crazier than I thought..."

Bonnie

🍀Is such an observant lad that he tuned into your anxious ways within moments of resting eyes upon you. The way you would sit fidgeting, never able to look at anyone around you for fear they'd meet your gaze, the way he often saw you tugging on your sleeves or chewing your cheek, biting at the tip of your thumb or your cardigan hem.

🍀He saw how you would shy away from others, how you tended to keep to yourself and that if you ever did cross paths with someone else you only ever seemed to manage the word "sorry" as if you were apologising just for being near them..

🍀 He recognises the fear in your eyes when people start gossiping about the peaky blinders, notices how whenever you meet his gaze accidentally you try to hide yourself away... You seem so timid to him, so delicate... All he wants is to take your hand and show you you don't have to be so frightened all the time.

🍀 He's careful, watching you the way he'd watch a foal before trying to approach it, learning your anxieties by watching how you interact with others so that he knows how to go about befriending you without scaring you off.

🍀Watches over you from afar like the guardian angel you don't even know you have... If he hears someone ask you to go into the forest to collect some herbs, or into the city to buy bread, he will come to your rescue either by insisting he take you himself or simply by sneaking off to complete the errand before you even had the chance to start it.

🍀 He gifts you something like a rabbits foot or a four leaf clover to give you good luck and protection, tells you you're his lucky charm too. Something small and sweet that wouldn't mean alot to anyone else but makes you feel that little bit braver when you're trying to face the world.

🍀 Brings you lavender which he makes into an essential oil for you. He knows a lot about different herbs and plants that can be good for relaxing/soothing you. His dad taught him to brew chamomile tea too, whenever he can tell you're having a bad day he'll make this for you without even needing to ask, he'll just bring it to you and force you to stop whatever it is you're trying to do/ fretting over to take a break with him instead.

🍀 He's seen the way your anxiety makes you irritable, seen you muttering to yourself I'm frustration when your day is going from bad to worse and he can't help but think you're adorable... Still, when he sees you snap his heart breaks for you and nothing can stop him coming to your rescue.

🍀It happens one day, you're only trying to fold the clean laundry, taking it down from the line and shaking it out, but the wind is making your task harder than you can handle, blowing your hair in your face, blowing the sheet into you blinding you so that you can't see where you're treading. And when you trip and fall and land clean white sheet down in the dirt you find you've reached the end of your tether and just like that you burst into tears.

🍀You're not crying because the sheets dirty, you're crying because finally all that anxiety and tension you've been trying to bottle up for days now has bubbled over, the shock of your fall and the frustration of the wind blowing you about was enough to send the rest of your emotions cascading down on you like a tonne of bricks. So you just sit there in a heap, crying in the dirt...

🍀Until Bonnie sits himself down beside you, a cheeky but careful smile on his lips as he reaches for your hand.

🍀"What're we doing down here then eh?" He asks, looking at you with gentle teasing eyes, showing you he understands without a word. You just look back at him despairingly, feeling so hopeless and frustrated, your eyes spilling over with tears. You raise the dirty sheet up in explanation and he chuckles. "Well I reckon this'll need washed again won't it, I certainly ain't sleepin on that..." he says taking your fingers and unlocking them from where you'd been clutching at the sheet.

🍀"Never you mind that though little dove," he says shuffling up to sit closer to you, his hand rubbing your back soothingly, "you ain't in any sort of state to be washin sheets are ye?" He'll tease you a little about your sorry state but only ever gently, and he'll never let you feel useless or like you're letting him down. He'll always make sure you understand that actually it's the complete opposite.

🍀 Pulls you up into his lap right there in the grass, holding your face in his hands so that he can look at you and dry your tears. Kisses your nose and then your lips. "S'alright little dove, don't worry about the washin eh, worry about spending the rest of your afternoon with me..." He'll help you with your chores, which probably would have made them take ten times longer, had you been in any state to do them at all.

🍀 Then when you're finished (or when he's finished, having done most of the work for you) he'll take your hand and lead you away from the camp, somewhere you can be alone for awhile. Somewhere no one can burden you with anything else.

🍀 He knows that one of the best things for your anxiety is to tire you out, physically rather than emotionally. So he takes you down to the river to go swimming, splashing you and playing with you in the stream until you're laughing and giggling. He'll sneak up behind you and wrap his arms around you, kissing your shoulders and pulling you back to float with him in the water. Holding you with your legs wrapped around his waste as he carries you back to the bank, lying with you in the grass as you dry off, peaceful and quiet...

🍀He'll have you to sit so quietly with him listening to the different sounds of the woods. He'll teach you the different bird calls and then get you to tell him in future when you're anxious, he'll ask you what bird it is he can hear and it will force you to be grounded for a moment. Lights up with praise when you get it right.

🍀 You'll be lying with him in the grass, the sunlight through the trees warming you both as you dry, his hands wandering your body beneath the shirt he's lent you. His touch is so grounding and the way he holds you close to him makes you feel so safe and secure. He'll make up stories for you as you dry off, telling you tales about the forest, some of them silly to make you laugh, others romantic, about secret lovers stealing away between the trees. These stories are usually whispered in your ear between soft little kisses along your neck, sweet little distractions to take you as far from your anxieties as he can.

🍀 If you ever get the kind of anxiety which freezes you and makes it impossible for you to look after yourself properly Bonnie will excell at playing the patriarchal provider. He can cook and clean pretty well and he loves to look after you and spoil you anyway, so when he can see you're struggling he'll swoop in and save you without you having to ask. He makes you soup and serves it in your favourite mug then sit with you outside whilst you drink it together. He'll do things like wash and brush your hair when you're struggling and the feeling of him combing his fingers through your locks is so soothing for you both.

🍀 One of Bonnie's love languages is definitely physical touch and this is one of the only ways he knows how to sooth your anxieties. He is always showing you physical affection to let you know that he's there for you..

🍀Forehead kisses, hand holding, drawing circles round your palm, playing with your fingers to distract you. He likes to slip one arm around your waist or shoulders whenever you're standing together, holding your body against his so that you can feel him behind you. It's a protective thing, it doesn't just soothe your anxieties but also his. Makes him feel good to be looking after his girl.

🍀 When you're feeling anxious you have a habit of sucking your thumb or fingers, a lot of the time you don't notice yourself doing it but Bonnie knows that you don't like to be seen doing it by anyone else. That it embarrasses you because you think it makes you look childish. So as much as he thinks its kind of cute when you're sucking your thumb, if there's other people about he'll hold your hands and play with your fingers so that you don't suck your thumb.

🍀 Alone at night however, when he can tell you're struggling to calm yourself he will slip his thumb into your mouth for you to suck on him instead.

🍀When you go to sleep at night Bonnie has you sleep with your body on top of his so that your chest is against his and your heartbeat syncs up with his. He likes to be able to wrap his arms around you and hold you down against him, you using his body as your pillow, him able to kiss your hair as you drift asleep. It's the best place for you because it means you can feel him close to you and he knows he's right there if you need him.

🍀 He gives you soft but firm praise whenever you're alone together and you're anxious about your relationship or showing him affection. For as much as he finds your apparent shyness adorable, he wants you to feel safe enough to ask and tell him whatever you want. And he needs you to know how perfect you are to him, needs you to know that he's there for you always. So he's constantly offering you the reassurance you need and always there to tell you how proud of you he is or how good you've been.

🍀 "That's my girl, what did I tell you eh? Perfect little dove, that's what you are..." "Tell me what you need sweetheart, c'mon look at me darlin, talk to me... How can I help? There we go see, wasn't so hard was it dove? Good girl...."

Isaiah

🐀 Isaiah is not wonderful when it comes to recognising anxiety in other people. He just thinks you're a bit timid is all. A bit jumpy. He presumed it's because you know he's a blinder and that that makes your nervous. It takes a long time for him to realise that its anything more than that due to the simple reason that he's doesn't notice it himself and you are far too anxious to tell him about your troubles.

🐀 He affectionately nicknames you his "little mouse" and is always making teasing little remarks about how cute and mousy you are. It gets under your skin at first because you can't tell if he's taking the piss or if he means it when he says you're adorable... But Isaiah never stops, he's actually spurred on by the blush you get, the way your brow furrows into a little frown because you don't know what to say to him.

🐀 For all his teasing though he likes to try and keep an eye on you, make sure you're always at least still smiling. He's not shy about showing you he's there for you and you only either, he'll be next to you in every conversation, he'll answer for you when you hesitate or don't say anything at all. If ever you're talking and other people stop listening to you he's always there making eye contact and nodding, picking you up if others let you fall.

🐀 You spend a really long time hoping that your anxiety will just go away, that one day you'll wake up and you won't have that fuzzy sick feeling in your stomach which has a habit of paralysing you in social situations. But of course that's not how anxiety works and the longer you ignore it the worse it gets.

🐀 Until Isaiah does begin to notice that something is wrong. Because you're growing quieter, more mousy by the day and sometimes when you're out in public he swears he sees you searching for the quickest means of escape.

🐀 At first he doesn't know what to do about it, he can tell that you're troubled but he doesn't know how to get you to open up to him or admit that something is wrong. If you were anyone else, any other graft he would probably just leave you to it, wouldn't pry too much, wouldn't really be that interested in hearing your troubles... But you're not anyone else, you're you, and he has a strong patriarchal urge to protect you, take care of you.

🐀 So he has to be persistent. He tries to tease it out of you, tries to make relentless little jokes to force the issue, doing things which will leave you floundering in the hopes that you'll reach some kind of breaking point and have to explain yourself...

🐀 But it doesn't get that far because he can't stand the guilt he feels when he sees you start to get stressed out, when he sees your expression waver, your eyes growing watery, your hands beginning to tremble. So one day instead of making a dig at the way your hands are shaking when he's talking to you, he takes your hand in his instead. Holds it between both of his and let's out a little sigh.

🐀 "What's the matter love?" He honestly feels a little useless for having to ask, feels like really he ought to know without you telling him. After all you're his girl and he shouldn't be so clueless about your feelings. At least not as clueless as he is now. And of course you try to shrug your shoulders and pretend like everything's fine, you don't want to make him feel bad by admitting the truth.

🐀 But he isn't going to let you kid on and shrug him off so he shakes his head, his frown showing you he's being serious for once. "Don't give me that love, you're my girl ain't you, you tell me the truth..."

🐀 When you do try to tell him you struggle to get the words out, struggle to say it in a way that you think will make sense to him. But for all that Isaiah is often confident and cocky, he understands more than you realise. He knows how it feels to worry before he walks into a room, understands that edgy feeling of uncertainty.

🐀 And even if he can't exactly empathise, even if he knows he's never felt the fear you feel about entering social situations, never been frightened the way you are of busy rooms or men who raise their voices... That doesn't stop him from caring that you do feel that way, doesn't stop him wanting to help you...

🐀 He won't know exactly how he can help but he also won't be afraid to ask you what you need. "Let me help you darlin, tell me what you need..." He'll want you to tell him exactly what he can do to help and then he'll make sure he does every single thing. He surprisingly matter of fact about the whole thing.

🐀 He's kind of accepted that he doesn't get it therefore rather than question you when your anxiety starts playing up, or when you get anxious about something he thinks is actually pretty trivial, he just accepts that you feel the way you do and comes back with "well how can we make this easier?"

🐀 Please I know this is rogue but I really think if anyone was going to CBT you it could be Isaiah? I feel like he'd be really good at setting it all out like, he'll be the most "What is it you're worried will happen? Okay well, here is this other scenario which is pretty mundane but much more likely than all that you've just thought up... Cause if life was how you keep worrying it's gonna be, then I'd be pretty fuckin anxious all the time too Mouse..." I just think he'd be like, matter of fact, but light-hearted and jokey enough to actually really be able to help you rationalise and unlearn negative thought patterns... Which I understand sounds crazy because he's such a hothead in the show...

🐀 To add to that I think a modern day Isaiah would definitely take your anxiety seriously enough that he'd just straight up be like "well how can we get you the help you need?" And have 0 shame about taking you to a therapist or something, he'd be very clean cut about helping you feel better as quickly as possible.

🐀 I think he'd be an "any excuse to get his hands on you" type and would use "oh you're anxious in this social situation" as a reason to have you sitting on his lap, or have his arm around you. He'd never fail to pull the "oh you're so tense, come here..." Line and massage your shoulders just so he can get close to you.

🐀 Again, I think he'd definitely use sex as a de-stress technique too, I feel like he'd be very good at soothingly flirting with you until he manages to get you into his lap or into his bed, kissing your neck, gentle caresses over your body until your eyes flutter shut and you start to come out of your head and into the present moment where it's just you and him... He'd find a way to make you come undone and forget all your troubles.

🐀 It definitely boosts his ego having you always looking to him, dependent on him to look after you in situations which make your anxiety flare up. He loves being the one you come to at the end of a long day, loves the way it's him that makes you smile, your eyes light up, the little sigh of relief when you're finally returned to his arms. He's really proud of the fact that it's him that you turn to when you need help, and that it's him that you turn to for guidance.

🐀 When everything does get overwhelming and you just need to have a huge cry Isaiah will hold you so close, he'll stroke your hair and cradle your head to his chest, and he'll shush you and soothe you but he won't make you feel stupid for crying. In fact when you try to apologise for it he just makes light of it all, "sweetheart I'd be crying too if I had to deal with it, don't say sorry, reckon you're tougher than me..."

🐀 He's always the right amount of gentle and the right amount of joking about things... Most of the time. Sometimes he'll get the vibe wrong, not realise quite how wound up you are, make a joke at the wrong time which earns him a snapping at, or which tips you over the edge and makes you cry. He thinks it's funny when you get feisty because you're tense, but when you cry he feels so guilty and immediately drops any kind of joke so that he can give you a hug and try to make you feel better.

🐀 I feel like he'd be terrible at looking after you when you get "frozen" by your anxiety and you can't do normal household tasks like cooking a meal. Isaiah will certainly try his best to do all the things you usually do, but dinner is going to be a mess, and the kitchen is going to be a mess, but he's still going to do his best to look after you both as best he can.

Michael

☘️ If there's one man who really understands emotional turmoil it's Michael, his experiences in childhood mean he's familiar with anxiety/depression and that means he recognises all the symptoms in you pretty quickly.

☘️ Only thing is he's not much of a talker... He learnt at a pretty early age to repress all his negative, difficult feelings, to ignore emotional problems and just "be a man" but that's not what he wants for you. So it breaks his heart to recognise you struggling but not know how to talk to you about it or try to help.

☘️ So he uses his money and social power to make your life as easy as possible. He'll use his status with the peaky blinders to intimidate others into being nice to you, your boss at work, coworkers, family members, shopkeepers etc... anyone he thinks might not treat you as delicately as he believes you should be treated. If he ever hears of someone raising their voice at you he makes sure they pay.

☘️ He'll make excuses to be as much a part of your life as he possibly can be, that way he can assess the different ways he thinks you might be struggling so that he can throw more money at the problems... Paying for extra housekeepers, for food, for new clothes, your rent so that you don't have to work as many hours and you'll have time to rest... He'll probably accidentally overwhelm you and you'll start to grow anxious about why he's treating you so differently.

☘️ And of course in the end, money can alleviate some of the stressors which aggravate your anxiety but it can't cure you, and every now and then when Michael is forced to accept that fact, he gets really upset with himself for not being able to do more.

☘️ Might sometimes grow frustrated with your anxiety, not because he finds you frustrating but because he's frustrated with himself for not knowing how to help. He really beats himself up about the fact that he isn't doing enough and yet in your eyes he's doing more than he needs to.

☘️ Especially because for as much as you appreciate all the money he spends trying to "fix your problems" all you really want, all you really need is someone to talk to, someone who will understand what you're going through and be there to hold your hand or give you a hug when you need it.

☘️ You won't exactly argue about it but one day when you find yourself on the verge of tears in conversation with him, your fingers trembling, that horrible sick feeling in your stomach, your head all fuzzy with stress, he's asking you what he can do to help and you get desperate... "Please Michael stop it, stop it... You've already done so much fo me I can't stand it... I just... I just need a hug and... I don't know? Someone to listen to me..." You feel terrible and ungrateful for having burst out with it like that when he was only trying to help, but when he hears you he cringes and realises his mistake.

☘️ He'll do a little nervous laugh, pinch the bridge of his nose or rub his face with his hands and sigh. "Fuck," he chuckles, "of course, I've been a perfect fool haven't I?" He'll wrap his arms around you and hold you gently to his chest, lay a lingering kiss in your hair and shut his eyes. For a moment he'll just hold you, cherish you.

☘️ He'll stay up late at night talking to you, listening to you when you're worried about something, trying to reassure you with potential solutions to problems, or simply reassuring you that people dont hate you, or that you haven't upset anyone.

☘️ I think he probably gets anxious too, worries that he's still not doing enough, that he can't provide for you the way you need someone too. Michael will have to face a lot of his own fears, learn to talk about feelings and share his thoughts and emotions with you so that you can both depend on one another and feel confident depending on one another.

☘️ When you get anxious about his love for you he can't help but laugh your concerns off, when you worry that you're too much for him, that he'll get bored of you because you think you're a handful, he always has a witty line to fire back with before he gets deadly serious. Because if there's one thing you're not it's Too Much.

☘️ If you voice these doubts late at night when you're lying side by side in the dark Michael will sit up, turn the lamp on and make you sit up so that he can look you in the eyes and tell you how much he loves you. "I don't ever want you to doubt that my love, my heart will always belong to you..."

☘️ He'll kiss you and say it again between kisses, holding your hands and guiding you closer to him, only satisfied when he's got your body pressed tightly against his and his lips are free to scatter you in kisses whilst he whispers his love for you whilst you drift to sleep.

☘️ Because of your anxiety and the fact that you have a tendency to dwell on your worries and fears Michael will try to keep you as far away from his family and the family business as he possibly can. He'll be pretty successful too, keeping you almost completely naive to his criminal side. As far as you're concerned Michael is the perfect New York gentleman. He's always working behind the scenes pulling his strings to keep you safe, but you don't notice a thing.

☘️ His family think you're sweet but terribly shy and Michael doesn't want to give them the opportunity to get to know you any better than that. He'd father they think his wife plain and timid than have you get to know them and realise the darker side of his life. He likes being your gentleman, and his family would be a threat to the peaceful sanctuary he's been trying to build for you at home.

☘️ Michael really likes to be in control of things, in fact not being in control is something which makes his own anxiety flare up, and so being in a relationship with Michael means you never have to worry about anything... No tricky decisions, no fretting over organising events or running the household. Michael has tabs on everything and everything runs smoothly and logically.

☘️ At times when your anxiety is so bad you feel like you can't function or do anything Michael will help you with every detail of life from helping you pick the perfect dress for the evening, choosing what you eat at the restaurant, speaking for you at social events, deciding how you spend your day, which chores you can do etc... he can and will organise every minute of your day for you so that you can get some semblance of order back in your life when you feel everything slipping...

☘️ At the same time however his favourite form of escapism is to literally just up and leave. When your anxiety is particularly bad and truly exhausting you he knows the perfect way to help you is to take you somewhere out of the city, a beach resort, a romantic European city... As long as it's warm and as long as its world's away from New York. He'll take you to a spa, spoil you rotten with gifts, organise the perfect week away for you. Let you live in a romantic dream world for as long as you need to to feel happy and peaceful again.

☘️ Deep down he knows that facing your fears will help to ease your anxiety, but he'd be a hypocrite to tell you that when he has so many of his own issues that he leaves unaddressed. And then there's the fact that he knows how much pain and stress you have to go through when facing those fears in order to get over them... He never wants to see you struggle, ever, not even if it's be good for you in the end... He'd rather construct a dream world for you to drift around in safely for the rest of your days.

Aberama

🐇 Being a fair bit older than you he's got far more life experience and though he was never particularly anxious in his youth he's certainly mellowed out with age. He's a very peaceful, calming presence and that's one of the things you love about him. The fact that just being around him is enough to settle your nerves a little.

🐇There's something do gentle about it, but so quietly self-assured that you know you'll always be safe when you're with him. He doesn't have to tell you -but believe me he does- for you to know he'd do anything for you.

🐇Just as you are drawn to him because his self-confidence and peacefulness soothe your anxieties, he is drawn to you because he can see how much you need someone like him. He's so endeared to you from the moment you first say hello. You're so shy and you look around the room the way rabbits look when they're twitching shivering and fearful.

🐇 He's so nurturing and he has that world weary wisdom too, any problem you present to him he can either come up with a simple solution or he can shrug his shoulders and say with such certainty that it'll all be fine, or that it isn't worth worrying about, that you have no choice but to believe him and put your faith in him. At times like these he will often ask "do you trust me y/n?" And your answer is of course always yes. There's no one on earth you'd feel safer putting your trust in.

🐇Honestly he Daddys you to pieces. It's been awhile since he really had someone to take care of and he's missed it so much. Taking care of you let's him feel useful again, makes him feel like for all the bad deeds and sins he's committed in life, he's got the chance to do some good in taking care of someone as precious as you.

🐇 He's really talented at curating physical comfort and he understands how much a calming, safe environment can contribute to calming anxiety. He builds the perfect sanctuary of a home for the two of you, lots of blankets, low lighting, candles, incense etc.

🐇 He makes a mean Chamomile tea and teaches you the family recipe... even then, he's always the one who makes it for you and will get you all cosy wrapped up in blankets in the vardo, bring you your chamomile tea and then sit with you in his arms quietly listening to the rain on the roof or the sounds of the forest/ fields/ river outside.

🐇 You love listening to him tell you stories. His voice is so soft and lilting that no matter what stories he's telling you you always feel so cosy, safe and relaxed by the end. You often drift to sleep whilst he's recounting an old folktale to you and stroking his thumb through your hair.

🐇 He will do his best to show you that you'll always be safe with him, that he'll never let anyone hurt you, that no matter what the problem is he'll always be there to work it out with you. He gets the balance right between "wanting to wrap you in cotton wool so you never feel anxious" and "wanting to help you learn how to cope/overcome your anxieties" and his way of striking this balance is to do everything with you, he never lets you go through anything alone and when you're having days where you don't feel capable of anything he will acompany you on every errand, help you with every chore - even the most simple things like bathing yourself, cooking/ eating, going to the shops...

🐇 He will draw a bath for the two of you and you'll wash together, he will wash your hair and wrap you in a towel afterwards, but he'll encourage you to help yourself too. The same when cooking, he'll sit and peel/prep the food with you, sharing each task between you to lighten the load, but keeping you busy so that you get the selfesteem boost from finishing a task.

🐇 When you need to escape he'll take you on the road just you and him, off into the wilderness where you can be immersed in nature and reconnect to the earth. The city, Birmingham being as grimy and busy as it is, is one thing that rages your anxiety and so Aberama is careful to make sure you get plenty of time away, out in the countryside. He'll take you foraging as a way of unwinding you, its the perfect combination of "slow, peaceful activity" and "task that requires a little concentration" he teaches you to recognise different plants, berries, mushrooms and will be so proud of you when you begin to learn and forage things for yourself.

🐇 He really believes that napping with your love beneath the shade of a tree on a summers day can solve all your problems and honestly, when he has you held in his arms, soothing you to sleep with some meandering story about the very tree you're sitting beneath, you can believe that he's right.

🐇 If theres something really really getting to you, a worry you just don't seem to be able to shake, Aberama will take you to a faerie tree to tie your wish to it

🐇 Lights a fire and wraps you up in a blanket, the two of you warming yourself by it as the night ages. He'll sing you to sleep with dreamy folksongs, the two of you watching the embers smoulder before you finally drift off and he carries you to bed.

🐇 He is so soft and reassuring whenever he speaks to you, you often get anxious about your relationship, you fear abandonment or that you are too much for anyone to ever really be able to love, and knowing you feel these things hurts Aberama's heart. So he does his best to gently reassure you of his love for you night and day. He makes sure its the first thing he tells you every morning and the last thing he says to you as he kisses you goodnight.

Taglist

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*slides a crisp $20 bill across the table* peaky boys reaction to the reader that gets excited any time they see them, like they literally light up with excitement, even if they just saw them~

Hiiii sorry this took so long and i hope i manage to do it justice ♥️

Tommy

🌿 He's alarmed by it at first, almost thinks its a little silly... Suspicious is perhaps the right word? Tommy is used to people performing for him, pretending to be something they're not, acting the way they think he wants them to act... Usually because they want to get something from him.

🌿So yes, at first he is cynical, he doesnt believe for a second that you're really so pleased to see him... Usually when Tommy enters a room that room falls silent, people shiver, people's mouths run dry... conversations go unfinished... a shadow passes over all he passes by.

🌿 Unless you're in that room... if you're in that room everything is different, your eyes light up, your whole demeanour brightens, you practically jump out of your seat and rush to him... you clasp his hand in yours and practically drag him to your table desperate to tell him all about your day and hear all about his... it's like he's the sun in your sky and he doesn't know what to think, only that somehow someone must have put you up to it, or perhaps you yourself are playing a game of mistruth. Attempting to deceive him...

🌿 The thing is he can't work out any alterior motive, theres no reason as far as he can tell, that you would want to cosy up to him or flatter him like this... And if you did, well, he can't help but think you'd be smarter than to think squealing and throwing your arms around him every time you see him is the best way to go about that...

🌿 But he can't bring himself to believe you're innocent, that you're being genuine... he wants to, really desperately wishes he could join you on your apparently care free sunny side of life but he can't... it's not like he hasn't been burned before...

🌿 So he's stand offish with you at first, always telling you to settle down, smirking at you, he almost seems a little embarrassed about the attention you're throwing at him... which is unusual for him because it's not like he isn't used to women flirting with him.. perhaps it's that this isn't flirting in the way he's used to.

🌿 It's warmer, more innocent. There's no games being played, not the way he's used to... and he gets very irate about it, feels he has to nip whatever trick you're trying to play in the bud immediately.

🌿 So the next time you rush to him throwing your arms around him he snatches your wrist in his hand and drags you away, into a lonely room, he sacred you with his sudden temper, the angry way he traps you between him and the door, finger pointing accusingly in your face...

🌿"Right miss l/n whatever this is eh, whatever you're playing at it ends right now you hear me? Right now..." you don't know what to say to him, speechless with fear, eyes wide and filled with tears as you stare up at him in shock. "Wh...what are you..." you start stuttering, your heart thudding in your chest, your stomach heavy like it's filled with stones so sad and disappointed because you love him and it looks right now like he hates you...

🌿 "Don't give me that love, I know you want something so you can drop the act... Whatever you want right, you do what everyone else does, you book an appointment with Lizzie and you book your turn!"

🌿But the minute the cold words leave his mouth he regrets them, the way you resolve falters, the way your eyes brim with tears... Your whole demeanour changes, you shrink away from him, as if it hurts to touch him. You can't look him in the eyes and he wonders if perhaps that hurts too now. Because you don't just love wildly, you hurt wildly too and he's wounded you mortally with his icy words and his cynicism...

🌿He knows straight away that there was no act, that you'd been nothing but genuine from the start. That perhaps your actions might have seemed a little childish, but that ultimately there was no harm in them. Or in you. You are just a very sweet girl who, for some god only knows reason, really loved him...

🌿 "Fuck I'm sorry love..." he sighs reaching for your hand, deciding better of such a halfhearted gesture and instead engulfing you in a warm embrace, holding you tight and secure, rocking you side to side, eyes closed, savouring every second he had with you in his arms. When he kisses your hair he breaths in your scent, looks down at you with these deep apologetic eyes, "Sorry love, forget myself sometimes... Get so wrapped up in me own head that I forget who I'm dealin with sometimes..."

🌿 "Its been three days since I saw you last.. I just missed you Tommy, I'm sorry I won't..." you begin to tell him you won't do it again, about to apologise for everything but he cuts you off, finger to your lips all, "no, no don't do that, please don't tell me you won't do it again love, please don't think I don't enjoy seeing you smilin eh? You keep smilin whenever you feel like smilin eh love, promise me you'll do that for me?" he says kissing your cheek, your nose, all over your face as hes talking to you, holding your cheek in his palm, his eyes so serious when he looks into your eyes waiting for an answer...

🌿 You're so confused, ten seconds again he looked like he hated you and now he's holding your face in your hands, smothering you in feathered kisses.

🌿"But..." you start your little frown would be adorable if he didn't feel so guilty for putting it there in the first place..."but tommy I don't understand you just said..."

🌿"Never you mind what I just said eh, I was wrong... Doesn't happen often sweetheart but sometimes, perhaps.. I am wrong." He says stroking your cheek, brushing your tears away... Because now that he knows this isn't a trick, now that he knows he can trust you, that this is safe, he's relieved to let his guard down, relieved to trust you the way he's wanted to for some time, relieved he can finally kiss you, taste a little of that sunshine you seem abundant in.

🌿He will make you promise him that you'll forget what he told you, that you wont stop smiling, and when you do he'll kiss you quickly on the lips and pat your cheek, "very good angel, good girl."

🌿Because the truth is that his cynicism before was just a defense mechanism. He hasn't seen someone light up the way you do for him for such a long time and he didn't want to believe you could really be so excited to see him, because believing that fact meant accepting that you really do love him, that in many ways you depend on him, that there are plenty of opportunities to let you down.

🌿The way he sees it, if he can make you that happy he can also make you twice as sad and he's seen that now too, just now when he almost broke your heart...

🌿In truth he loves your sweet ways, the way you rush to hug him, to hold his face in your hands and kiss him, without a care for who may be watching. He loves to see the light in your eyes when your whole face glows with joy thats because of and intended just for him.

🌿 Tommy is for the most part, a difficult man to read, he's reserved, always calm, his poker face was mastered at birth... You on the other hand wear all your feelings on your sleeve. Even if you wanted to hide how you felt about something you're pretty sure you couldn't. Somewhere between you and tommy there should be balance, you should even one another out. That isn't what happens however. If anything the contrast makes the both of you seem more extreme. You look giddy and wild in comparison to Tommys quiet, still nature. He looks dead behind the eyes, ice cold and unfeeling in comparison to you.

🌿 But it works, ultimately you need someone calm and he needs someone like you to remind him that there are still happy people in the world. That he still brings someone joy and meaning in life.

🌿 He does kind of wish you'd develop some kind of poker face though because he knows it isnt good for people to see you behave so childish and naïve, it puts you at risk. Makes you look like an easy target. Someone as sweet and pure as you sticks out like a sore thumb in Small Heath and he knows that every other bad man, men like him, out there will see you as an opportunity. Because sweet girls like you are the hardest to ignore when they cry. They'd make you cry to get to him.

🌿But what can he say, theres so much dark in the world and not enough people know joy, someones gotta let the light in from time to time and its good that you do.

🌿So when you run and throw your arms around him, burying your face into his chest he will wrap his coat around you and hold you just as tight. He'll let you smother him in kisses and embarass him with your relentless affection and he'll just chuckle, kiss you back and, eventually say something like "settle down now love, you'll make our company jealous..." He's only teasing you, always lighthearted, he'll never make the mistake of being harsh with you again.

🌿But he will lower his head and whisper a reminder to you, that there are peolple watching, that sometimes its better to keep your feelings concealed.

🌿He won't stop you though. After that first time when he scared you, sapped the life from you with two short thoughtless sentences, he has made an effort never to try and reign you in like that again. You're his sunshine girl and that's the way he wants you to stay forever.

🌿 In fact your happy go lucky excitable nature makes him more determined to protect you from the world. He doesn't ever want you to lose that joy, never wants to see you tired or worn out or disappointed. He lives every day with one thought heavy on his mind - he has to keep the sun in the sky for you. Can't ever let you feel the rain.

🌿One day you pull away having smothered him in your usual affections in front of his brothers and Ada and when you see the faintest tint of pink in his cheeks you smile coyly, "my my tommy shelby do my eyes deceive me or is that a blush I see before me?"

Alfie

🐻 Alfie Solomons is a grumbling old eccentric, a tired out, miserable, sharp tongued misery old git and you... you the most lighthearted, melodramatic, delightful girl he has ever met...

🐻Doesn't know what you're so happy about but he knows he'd be a fool to suggest you wipe that giddy little smile off your lips... because that giddy little smile is the prettiest smile he's ever seen and knowing it's all for him makes him feel so hopeful.

🐻 The first time it happened - the gasp, the jump, the gleam in your eyes as you threw yourself into his arms - he was floored by the shock of it... He isn't used to positive attention from women at the best of times, especially not pretty young women like you... Even if you have been sweet on eachother for a little while, even if you have been seeing one another in secret for several weeks...

🐻 So when you saw him across the street at the market and let out a gasp, waving to him from across the road before darting in front of a cart to throw yourself into his arms he almost fell over, wasn't prepared, couldn't believe his eyes... Couldn't believe the speed at which you came barrelling towards him...

🐻You took him completely by surprise but he caught you, just about. The two of you nearly fell over in the bloody road but he caught you, his big arms closed around you, squeezing you just as tightly as you held onto him. He wrapped you up in one of his bear hugs and chuckled at your enthusiasm. He was confused but he wasn't going to pass up the opportunity to hold you nice and tight. To show off to the whole street that you were his girl and you were ecstatic to see him...

🐻 "Now," he chuckled, smiling into your hair as he cradled your head to his chest and pressed a kiss to your temple, "I'm wondering my little ziskeit, what exactly all that was about yeah... You coulda got yourself killed runnin into the road like that and forgive me poppet but I ain't entirely sure I understand what was so exciting to you that you forgot yeah, to use your street smarts yeah?"

🐻 "Sorry Alfie..." You shrugged his worries off so easily, that girlish smile on your lips unfailing, it was almost infuriating and yet, it was far too pretty for him to really get annoyed at you... So a peck on the lips is what you get for being so thoughtless, a "you're lucky you're so sweet y/n... Or I might get cross with you..."

🐻 He is always having to remind you he isn't as young and strong as he once was, that you've got to be careful with him, you've got to slow down... You've got to think of his old and failing body yeah, "I'm fallin apart ziskeit and all these theatrics yeah, they're speeding up the process so just... Take a breath right and settle down..." When he sees your simmering pout he softens again, drops the grumpy old man act and coos to you, "I know poppet I know, you're just happy to see me right... God knows why yeah, god knows why..."

🐻 He's always teasing you about your excitement, reckons it's cause you're young, tells you "not to worry ziskeit, you'll grow out of it..." But he hopes with his whole heart that he's wrong, that you never will lose this bubbling joy.

🐻 And though you think he's simply teasing you, playing that grumpy old man act, he really isn't... Deep down part of you knows he really does wonder why, doesn't understand why you love him the way you do, why you're always so happy to see him, why you don't mind showing the whole world how happy to see him you are...

🐻 And that makes you all the more stubborn to show him that love, to shower him in melodramatic affection every time you see him so that he can't ever forget or try to ignore the fact that whilst you might be his little ray of sunshine, he's the one who puts the sun in your sky.

🐻 He's the only one who can make you that happy, the only one who can spark that level of excitement in you, leave you all head in the clouds giddy whenever you see him but he's also the only one who's able to calm you, able to soothe your excitement and get you to settle down. Knows exactly how to talk to you to get you to come sit in his lap and enjoy a little peace and quiet with him.

🐻 There's this look he gives you when you're beaming at him across the room and he can see that you're bursting at the seams with excitement to be bundled up in his arms, it's this look which says "come here then," but which is stern enough to remind you not to run, remind you to be careful.

🐻 And when he squeezes you in one of his bear hugs and kisses your forehead he talks soft and low, so calmly to you that although he can't settle your ever fast beating heart he can slow those wild thoughts of you down just enough to see you let out a little sigh and nestle into his cosy embrace. "That's better ziskeit, you even remembered to check the road this time see, a good girl, that's what you are darlin..."

🐻 But he does think youre adorable when you get excited and he feels so proud that its him youre excited to see. Honestly it's hard to keep up his grumpy, cold-hearted mobster act with you around relentlessly brightening his day.

Arthur

🍂 Honestly he is completely baffled by you, he just can't get his head around it... what the hell are you so excited about? No one ever looks happy to see him... It really puzzles him and he spends days getting frustrated, trying to get to the bottom of it, asks his brothers whats "the matter" with you, asks his sister who just laughs at him, says "good god Arthur if you can't even get your head around that there really is no hope for you..."

🍂 When Ada does spell it out for him "she likes you you big idiot..." He blushes, gets even more confused and a little embarrassed... That isn't usually how girls show him they like him.. they're usually far more coy, they usually try that sophisticated flirting, they usually want him to buy their drinks and then fuck them senseless in the toilets...

🍂 Then he's flustered wondering if that's what you want him to do to him...

🍂 He'll go bright red and Ada will slap him because she knows exactly which pits his mind has wandered to... "For fuck sake Arthur if you used your head half as much as you use your cock you might not need me to spell these things out for you..."

🍂 The next time he sees you he's nervous, he can't stop wondering if you're going to do that thing you always do again? If you're going to make that noise... The little squeal of excitement you made last time, it was shortly followed by a skip, your eyes wild as you called out to him from across the room. That little giggle of glee when you waved to him and then appeared ever so suddenly by his side...

🍂 And when you do he's unnerved, he's paranoid... He wants his sister to be right but this is just so unusual for him... People are usually fucking terrified of him after all, he's nothing but Tommy Shelby's big brute, the rottweiler as he's often referred to.. how can a girl as blissful as you like him when she's heard the rumours about him... With his reputation how could anyone possible be giddy, head over heels happy to see him?

🍂 So he gets all in his head about it, starts thinking it's some kind of joke, perhaps his brothers or one of the lads set you up to this as a prank, perhaps someone is secretly trying to make a fool of him. The disappointment is tangible and he swallows a lump in his throat as he looks at you again, waving to him from across the room. Are you really playing a trick on him? Is this all to humiliate him?

🍂 When he turns away, hardly even smiles at you you're left confused and a little disappointed. Your heart sinks and you get up to join him at the bar where he's lined up three whiskeys.

🍂 "Are you upset about something Arth?" You ask, your touch on his arm sending sparks of hope through his heart, "you look all gloomy..."

"Aye that's me eh, gloomy... Not like you eh, a little ray of fuckin sunshine ain't ya..." he doesn't smile when he says it, in fact he almost sounds bitter and you bite your lip a little uncertain.

"I'm just.. happy to see you Arthur... I know it's only been a few hours but... Well I kissed you didn't I..." you admit.. you're not exactly embarrassed to admit it but you do feel a little silly now that you're spelling it out to him.

🍂 "Did... Did my..err.. did my brothers put you up to this or somet love?" He's feeling pretty embarrassed to ask it but he wants to know because if you are he wants to stop being teased and if you aren't well, he wants to kiss you actually.

🍂 And when he asks you laugh, your giggle lighting you up, lighting him up too when you shake your head and tell him not to be so daft, when you can't stop giggling at what a silly thought that is. "As if I'd want to help your brother's play a nasty trick on you you big idiot..."

🍂 He can't keep the grin off his face, lighting up immediately, his hands on your hips dragging you in close to him, holding you tight in his hands when he chuckles along and says "eh well in that case then," before planting a rather passionate kiss on your lips.

🍂 Arthur loves to layer the physical affection on thick, even in public, he adores how much you adore him, adores seeing you light up with excitement, adores seeing you happy... But what he adores most, and what he can't get his head around even now, is that it's him that makes you that happy. Him the monster, the rottweiler, that old brute... He's the person who makes you light up like the sun and the night sky all at once. He can't believe his luck.

🍂 He's a very full on, brash man and when you rush to him with excitement he matches your energy the two of you taking over a whole room with your adoration for one another. He really doesn't care about appearing "soft" he'll just sweep you off your feet, snog you to high heaven and dance you round the room...

🍂 Even if the last time he saw you was five minutes ago, the two of you still light up for one another.

John

🌼 John finds your melodrama highly entertaining. He loves to watch you light up whenever you see him. He's a very playful lover and he will match your energy 100%.

🌼 He won't even be taken back the first time it happens. You'll squeal and he'll see the joy in your eyes, one look at you and he'll know what you're going to do before you do it... so when you come running and jumping up into his arms he'll catch you and spin you round in a tight embrace.

🌼 Won't put you down but will keep you wrapped around him in his arms for as long as possible talking to you about your day and telling you all about his... well everything he can tell you.

🌼 However because you were always like this with one another it was very hard for you to tell your true feelings for one another. Your over affectionate friendship was often described by both of you as "like a brother/sister to me..." and so it took you both a long time to realise you were in love. When you did however because you were already so affectionate with one another you fell very easily into your new dynamic. The only difference being that now when you run and jump into his arms he meets you with a deep and affectionate kiss.

🌼 He absolutely adores your excitable nature, he's a big kid at heart and he loves that there's someone else in the world who is carefree and wild enough to wear their emotions on their sleeve the way that you do. His brothers warn him about you telling him to be careful, Tommy even suggests that a girl like you who throws her affections at people so wildly, is perhaps not necessarily loyal, but John defends you to the ends of the earth. And definitely comes close to hitting his brother for suggesting something so improper about you.

🌼 And so although it takes you awhile to win over his family, John trusts and adores you from the very first time he sees that wild ecstatic light sparkling in your eyes. He's always coming up with little nicknames for you, calling you his Little Firecracker, telling you you're like a bottle of champagne. He likes to call you fizzy because you're always bubbly and bouncy with excitement.

🌼 He actually takes a little while to work out that he's the cause of the excitement. Because he doesn't see you when you're not with him (obviously) so he just assumes that the way you are with him is the way you are all the time. When he finds out from Ada that she's never seen you act that way before with anyone, John gets the most smug and wide grin on his lips.

🌼 He's really proud of himself for being able to light you up like that, he thinks your smile is gorgeous so to be at the center of that... Well he can hardly keep that smug grin off his lips.

🌼 And then he won't stop teasing you about that fact, he'll catch you in his arms and then kiss your cheek and then he'll say something cheeky like, "so I heard a rumour flower, that you're never this excited to see anyone else... That true?"

🌼 But you're not exactly embarrassed about your feelings... If you were you would probably exercise some self restraint in public instead of squealing and jumping up to rush to him every time you saw him. So you just tease him back all, "duh John Shelby... You must be daft if you think this is how I treat all my friends... I'm almost offended... What do you take me for?" You'd ask until he was backtracking, actually blushing and apologising because of course he doesn't take you for that kind of girl... He was only trying to wind you up.

🌼 Still he won't stop teasing you and he loves to wind you up by mimicking your little squeal and the way that you flap your hands when you see him sometimes, he never teases you in a malicious way though and he's always quick to reassure you that he's only teasing, that he loves your little "noises"

🌼 You get to know the sound of his footsteps coming down the street or hallway and you're always waiting at the door for him ready to throw your arms around him. You look forward to seeing him everyday and on long days where he's been particularly busy and the two of you have been forced apart from one another for too long you both look forward to snatching the other up in your arms and talking their ear off, telling them all the things you've thought of and saved up in your head just for them.

🌼 And oh my god, where the kids are concerned... Your excitement + John's excitement fuels the children's and they're even more energetic and wild than usual. You make for one affectionate, untameable family...

🌼 One thing John is sure of is that he never wants to see you lose your sunshine streak and so he tries to keep all the darkness in his life as far away from you as possible. He never wants you to be worried for anything and keeps Peaky Business far away from you. He would protect you and the children and your innocence with his life, never wanting to see you lose your innocent, sunny disposition.

🌼 he also treasures the fact that in dark times he always has his ray of sunshine to look to, always has you with your glowing smile, you his little sunflower who thinks the world of him and is proud and content to depend on him... It does him the world of good to have your relentless optimistic kind of love, means he is never able to forget all the goodness in the world because you're always right there ready to push your way through a crowded room to throw yourself into his arms.

Bonnie

🍀 L o v e s it.

🍀 Bonnie wouldn't change you for the world. He thinks you're absolutely magical, the way you light up every time he meets your eyes across the room, the way you're completely unafraid to show how much you adore him, how you're head over heels giddy and in love with him.

🍀It makes him feel so special, makes him feel like he's the center of your whole universe and he is... you tell him that all the time.

🍀 At first he is certainly surprised by it... it's not that he doesn't believe himself to be worthy of your affection or your praise, it's that no one's ever been quite so confident in their adoration of him before... and well, he just wasn't expecting you to come barrelling across the room into his arms like a bloody cannonball...

🍀But your adoration makes him feel so special and he flourishes and thrives with all the attention you give him. So in fact he encourages it, he'll be the one calling out to you across the field, opening his arms for you to come running and jumping into them. He'll be the one sweeping you up off your feet and dancing you around.

🍀He's a very physically affectionate lad and he will take any excuse and opportunity to get his hands on you... Loves to let you tackle him with a hug only to pretend to be taken by surprise, to let the two of you go stumbling back and falling into the grass together, rolling around so that he can pin you down and kiss you, tickle you with your hands above your head.

🍀You're practically inseparable, you're always with him before and after a fight and Tommy Shelby finds it very frustrating that when he wants to talk tactics with his fighter, you're there hanging off Bonnie's arm, kissing his cheek or wrapped up in the lads arms whilst Tommy's trying to tell him how to throw the fight.

🍀You're his biggest cheerleader, shouting and cheering him on during matches.

🍀But wishes youf be a bit more careful about pushing your way through crowds of roudy men so that you can get backstage to see him.

🍀Obce he won a fight and the second the time bell rang you had lept to your feet, crossed into the ring and had thrown your arms around him squeelling delighted and excited into his neck. And he'd been exhausted and sore from the fight but he couldn't do anything but grin and hug you back pleased that everyone could see how excited his beautiful girl got to see him.

Isaiah

🐀 Put aside his charming nature, his brash flirtations for a moment and have a think if you ever saw this lad display actual joy/excitement/affection for anyone before... I think behind that flirtatious nature he's actually quite guarded, a little preoccupied with keeping up appearances...

🐀 So the first time he really experienced your heart on sleeve, flourishing affection, how lackadaisically you let the whole room know how happy you were to see him, he made the mistake of being too cool for you... he hardly even smiled at you, saluted you from across the room despite your beaming smile and how you'd waved him over... he just nodded to you, a small smirk and that deadpan salute.

🐀 It made your high spirits plummet like a stone. You didn't know what to make of it. You'd never been embarrassed to flaunt your feelings before but he made you feel like you should be... that public rejection, his standoffishness, how casual and cool he'd brushed you off, making you second guess whether hed really meant any of the sweet things he'd said to you when you were alone. Made you wonder if you were just another of his one night stands... someone he could forget now he'd conquered you.

🐀And the thing about you is that though you may show your affection and excitement freely, you might feel adoration to the extremes.. you don't let yourself grow wild and dramatic for just anyone. Once someones shunned you like that, once they've left your heart aching and your eyes teary, you don't give them the opportunity to do it again.

🐀 So the next time you see him in public you don't even look at him and when he comes to talk to you you act like you don't know him at all... so now he knows how you felt... now he's sorry and wondering what happened to his little ray of sunshine...

🐀 Too stupid to realise that it's his own cold actions that have lead you both to this moment and when he asks you what's the matter he seems genuinely concerned about you and you can't believe his foolishness. You say plain and simple, "so it's true what they say about you is it... there really is nothing between your ears..." he frowns, confused because a) he doesn't know what you're talking about, he's got a whole face between his ears duh... and b) he can tell that whatever you're implying is spiteful, that you're trying to hurt him.

🐀 "Do all your thinking with..." but when you say that he gets it, the penny drops and he finishes your sentence.

"With me cock..." he smirks but there's no light in his eyes and he begins to understand, realises he's going to have to do a lot of making up to you, a lot to convince you that you're more to him than just a casual fling.

🐀 "For fuck sake love," he sighs when he sees tears in your eyes because your wild emotions have finally gotten the better of you and you don't have the energy to keep this cold mask on. You're not a cold person, you're a person with so many feelings and you feel them in extremes.

🐀 "I was so happy to see you.." you sniffle thinking back to the moment he'd broken your heart with that, "stupid fuckin salute... I wanted a fuckin hug and you fuckin saluted me..."

When you say it he can't keep the smirk off his lips, can't help but chuckle because it sounds ridiculous... as in it makes him sound like a fucking idiot.

🐀 When your tears get thicker and you frown not understanding what's funny he raises his hands in surrender, "I'm laughing at myself mousy, laighin at myself for being such a fuckin idiot..."

🐀 He really does feel bad for having upset you like that, he had no idea how much his actions would effect you but he sees now that you really do wear your heart on your sleeve, that when you were smiling at waving at him it really was because you were that happy to see him.

🐀 So he promises you, he'll never salute you ever again. Takes your hand and kisses your palm, holds it there as he holds your gaze and says it again, "promise, I Isaiah Jesus will Never salute you ever again darlin, never..."

🐀 And though he does still get a little embarrassed from hard to time - because after all it's difficult to look like a hardened criminal when youve got the sweetest girl in the world hanging off your arm - Isaiah keeps his promise. He's never cold to you again.

🐀 He grows particularly fond of your over the top reactions to seeing him, grows to love the sound of your excited little squeak because he knows it means that any second now you'll come skipping into his arms and he'll have his beautiful girl by his side.

🐀He will definitely try to reign you in and pacify you will his cooler forms of affection in public. Not because he doesn't love you just the way you are, he does... he just knows he has a reputation to uphold and that if you're going to be his girl you have a reputation to uphold too. You can't appear too soft or his enemies will eat you alive and use you to get at him

🐀 So although he's never cold he will give you lots of little reminders to be calm, to be cool, lots of "not now darlin, settle down, come here sit in my lap" it gives him an excuse to get his hands on you and keep you close whilst still managing to look cool about it.

🐀 It doesn't half boost his ego and he definitely gets quite smug about it, if Bonnie, Michael o'r Finn try to tease him about how soft he's gone he can always just shrug his shoulders, "sounds like you're jealous lads... Just cause you've never made a lass make those kinda sounds..."

🐀 Has to admit that when he hears that happy little squeak you do, his mind wanders to other activities, can't help thinking about how cute your other noises might sound...

🐀 and when you're in private its a totally different story. Behind closed doors when he's not worried about what others will think of him, when he isn't trying to be the bad boy he will match your energy, he'll be sweeping you off your feet with all the passion in the world.

🐀 Definitely gets a kick out of mimicking your little squeal.

Michael

☘️ Michael was raised with manners, he was raised in a household which gave great weight to the ability to conduct oneself "properly" stiff upper lip, reserved... Women who wait to be addressed before speaking to their superiors etc..

☘️ That's nothing like you... In fact you're quite the opposite. You don't believe in withholding happiness, you don't believe in hiding your joy, your excitement. If someone makes you happy you should tell them, show them every opportunity you have..

☘️ And though Michael may be taken back by your somewhat unignorable adoration for him, there's nothing he can possibly say to change your ways. You love him and you're going to express that freely and sometimes even wildly...

☘️And this does get under his skin, he can't hide his awkwardness, the way you sometimes embarrass him in public when you get so excited you can't contain your delight in seeing him... When you walk into the bakery in the morning and he's there to collect something for his mum, you walk in behind him and as the doorbell rings he recognises your gasp, the squeal of delight...

☘️ he says a silent prayer everytime eyes rolled up to heaven hoping you won't be quite as loud, quite as dramatic as last time. But as always you throw your arms around him, nuzzle into him and squeeze him so tight... So quickly of course that he hasn't even had a chance to put his arms round you, he's just stood there like an awkward plank of wood in your embrace.

☘️ He thinks you make him look silly... Unprofessional, not to be taken seriously... He worries that people will start to get the impression he isn't as tough or as cold as his cousins. That he's an easy target...

☘️ Will absolutely tell you you need to calm down if you're in public, he'll be so stern about it too. He won't exactly shrug you off coldly and he won't dismiss you because that would make the whole thing look even worse, how rude it would be... it would make one impropper act all the more uncooth and embarrassing...

☘️ So he'll always welcome your affection but he won't match your energy, instead he'll wrap his arms around you, hold you tight but not squeezing you to death the way you are him, and when he kisses your cheek he'll speak quietly but commanding.

☘️ "Now now love calm down, don't cause a scene eh... you can tell me all about your day later eh... for now though eh just you hold my hand and keep that pretty little mouth of yours shut..." he'll kiss your hand and then keep a tight grip on you. It's his way of letting you be close to him, letting you feel a little affection in return whilst still remaining proper and polite in company.

☘️ but secretly he loves your dramati, romantic ways. Because that's all it really is isn't it, romantic? You're like one of those melodramatic french girl stereotypes, you can't simply hold your lovers hand, you must throw your arms around him, sigh like a Juliet, hold his face between your two hands and kiss him like you're breathing him in. Like his kisses give you life... And Michael loves that...

☘️ He loves feeling loved. Literally who doesn't.

☘️when he's had a shit day at work, when he feels like no one respects him, it feels so good to come home and have you hit him with all that affection and adoration. Having you waiting at the door ready to throw your arms around him...

☘️It makes him feel completely adored, gives him a purpose, makes him all the more determined always to return home to you every night...

☘️You wait in the window looking out for his arrival home and then you go running down the drive to meet him, shouting his name, your cheeks rosy flushed from your excitement as he stops at the edge of the path, opens his arms for you to jump up into them. It's his favourite part of the day because it makes him feel so special, so important.

☘️ Michaels a generally serious, slightly melancholic boy, there's often a shadow which hangs over him, be it the pressure of living up to the high expectations he has for himself, or the shadow left over from a turbulent upbringing, the traumas he went through as a boy... There's always some kind of weighty preoccupation on his mind but you, you're a little ray of sunshine in a dark and fucked up world and he adores you, you're the light breaking through the cracks and he's so grateful to have found you. Your excitement and your drama are precious to him, he wouldn't ever want you to lose those traits and so he's fiercely defensive of you..

☘️ once at a family meeting you arrived late, rushing to Michael's side, you hadn't seen him all day and were excited to see him so youd thrown your arms around him all "I missed you so much," and Tommy grew impatient. He snapped at you, said "Michael for fuck sake would you control your damn wife..."

☘️ you were of course shocked by Tommy's sudden temper but what shocked you more was there whereas Michael would usually put an arm around you and remind you to settle down, save the excitement until you were alone, this time he stood up, glared at his cousin across the table...

☘️ "Tommy you might be the head of this family but if you ever speak about my wife like that again I swear I will..."

☘️ And suddenly it's you linking your fingers with his tugging him back to you, whispering to him asking him to calm down...

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Of Bending and Breaking || Tommy Shelby x Reader

Summary: Always being the one who cares for others comes with a price: you break down, but the most unexpected person is here for you: Tommy, the man you were forced to marry.

Words: 2,3k

TW: Hurt/Comfort, very tiny mention of past sexual assault, no proofreading 'cause it comes from clearing my drafts.

Notes: Aunt Isabella's is a tribute to my own aunt Isabelle who, unfortunately, died because of cancer a few years ago.

It all started with Polly shaking Tommy like a tree, her thin hands firmly grabbing his nephew’s broad shoulders: “You can’t keep sabotaging yourself like this, Tom.” These were the words that left her quivering lips as she dragged his staggering frame to the bathroom and pushed his face into the bathtub right under the tap. When the freezing water splashed all over his neck, Tommy opened his blank eyes wide and inhaled sharply, as if he had suddenly come back to life. Since Grace’s awful death, the gangster was the shadow of his former self. When he wasn’t waging a senseless war with Father Hughes and the Italian, or when he wasn’t keeping his buzzing mind busy with work, Tommy usually numbed himself with a deadly combination of whisky and opium until his deep-seated pain became bearable. It was the night he almost overdosed that Polly decided to take charge of his nephew and found him a new wife, in the hope of soothing his nephew’s mind and finding a mother figure for poor little Charlie. The idea had obviously sent Tommy in a fit of anger but Polly Gray couldn’t care less.

Regarding your own situation, it was not the opium nor the loss of a dear lover that had led you to Birmingham’s most dangerous man but rather the bump in your belly. Aunt Isabella had understood what you were suffering from the moment you had stormed out of the vardo to throw up your breakfast in the nearest bush. The tall and lean woman, whose light brown and curly mane danced in the cold autumn wind, had looked at you right in the eyes and raised one of her thin eyebrows. If there was something pleasant with her, it was that words weren’t necessary.

Yet, later she encountered Polly, with whom she had been a great friend since childhood, and explained that a powerful American man had forced his seeds in you during his stay in England. Not willing to go through the traumatic experience of aborting, Isabella only saw one solution to your problem: you needed a husband who could protect you and your future baby from the evil man with his scarred lip. A wedding would be your salvation. At the realization of what Aunt Isabella had planned for you, you tried to run away from the camp in the middle of the night but she knew you too well and soon caught you, her sly hand firmly grabbing your wrist: “Y/N! It’s for your sake! He’s rich, he needs a wife and he is feared! You’ll be safe with him, don’t you understand?” She explained, cupping your face with her long fingers adorned with claws painted in red and far too many rings. “I don’t need a man to protect me! I don’t need anyone. He’s older and he’s a criminal! Who’s going to protect me from him eh? Have you think ‘bout that?” You cried, the soft light of the sunrise turning your tears into liquid gold.

But still, you wedded him and what was supposed to be the happiest day of your life turned out to be a dull event during which you dissociated the whole time. The only memories you had in mind were two piercing and frightening turquoise eyes staring right at your soul and soft whiskey-tasting lips stealing a quick peck from your cherry lips. A kiss devoid of any form of affection. And then, the groom left.

From what Aunt Isabella told you, your husband had spent most of the celebrations with his brothers, drinking and taking bets outside of Arrow House. Months had passed and still, you felt estranged to this place and its staff. The only moments your heart lightened were when Aunt Isabella visited you, or when Charlie spent time with you, otherwise you remained emotionally closed, trapped in your own mind. Overall you could not complain: You had a house far too big for you with plenty of workers willing to exhaust every one of your wishes. Charlie was a sweet boy, who loved you with all his heart even if you were well aware that you’ll never replace his mother. As for the Shelby clan, they were cordial with you without being really friendly either. And there was Tommy…

Cold and distant Tommy, who you only saw late at night when he discretely slipped under the bedsheet and turned his back to you without uttering a single word. Busy Tommy, whose replies remained concise and spoken with a quiet husky voice each time you asked him something — at least he talked to you a little bit. Trapped in a loveless marriage, that was what you were: Tommy was more a stranger, a mere gust of wind in your life, than the love of your life.

Still, the gangster stayed true to his words and he provided for everything, never refusing to give you money when you asked, and protecting you from the man who had taken your innocence. He even gifted you a wonderful stallion because he knew how much you missed riding. In exchange for his protection and riches, all you had to do was take care of Charlie and do your best to be there for your husband when his darkness threatened to swallow him whole.

You found out about the nightmares shortly after your wedding and quickly decided to do something about it. When he woke up screaming and drenched in sweat after tasting the tunnels’ dirt and Grace’s crimson blood in his troubled sleep, you always cradle him, your fingers losing themselves in his wet dark hair to pet his head gently. At first, you feared his reaction, expecting the infamous Tommy Shelby to push you and not-so-kindly ask you to keep your distance but, to your greatest surprise, he never did. Instead, he would bury his face in your cleavage, panting and trembling, and let you reassure him. Just like he let you bring dinner to him each time he drowned himself in paperwork and forgot to eat. He never commented on your cooking skills though, even if he always handed back empty plates.

The blood on his skin? You cleaned it.

The wounds of his flesh? You never failed to patched them up.

The hole in his heart? You tried to seal it off with caresses, soft kisses, and shoulder massages. Maybe one day he would slowly turn his iciness into affection. Little did you know that he needed it. And by it he needed you. Just like the whole family. How many times did you walk the streets of Birmingham at night, seeking for Arthur and then bringing him home to take care of a wasted and high him? Far too many to keep track. Similarly, you had spent countless evenings helping Ada when she felt overwhelmed, either nursing Karl or cleaning her house when, just like her brother, she overworked herself. And finally, Polly could never thank you enough for everything you did to soothe her mind after the gallows, still haunted by the bite of the hanging rope on her throat.

“Thanks Poppy.” Arthur muttered, the gravel in his voice coated with shame now that you were down clearing and disinfecting his split knuckles. The oldest brother had started to affectionately call you so for the sole reason that, according to him, you must probably grow better when blood was considering how much you had seen when patching the Shelby siblings. “Sorry for errr… For the mess.” He went on, his steel blue eyes fleeing yours.

“That’s okay.” You replied in Romani, “You, sweet idiot.” Endeared by how surprisingly soft Arthur’s harsh complexions could turn, you couldn’t help but gently put your hand on one of his cheeks. And during this tender display of affection, Arthur was convinced he had caught sight of a smile — a scarce event barely happening on your beautiful but resigned face. Comforted by the warmth of your palm, he leaned into your touch and looked at you through dark lashes, his lids half-closed.

“Tommy’s one lucky bastard to have ya for himself, eh."

"Let's both flee together then." You teased, the familiar tone of Romani language rendered even more melodious by your siren-like voice.

"Don't tempt me, little one." Arthur replied, softer than intended and probably only half-joking.

The oldest Shelby brother had barely closed the door when your smile disappeared and tears flooded your eyes. Admittedly, spending months of repressing your own anguish didn’t do any good to you despite thinking that focusing on others would have helped. Quite the contrary, all those negative emotions you had left on the back burner turned into a silent and deadly parasite that was eating you up. Dragging your tired frame to the cold and empty marital bedroom, you curled up in a ball in a corner of the room, your bruised knees pressed against your chest, “Positive. You gotta stay positive and push forwards y’see Y/N? Do the right things for the family…” You whispered to yourself as your breath started to quicken for the ball of sorrow in your throat was growing more and more. Yes, you had to smile and say that all was just fine because you knew you were lucky to be here and that you hadn’t any real reason to complain now according to the rest of the world. And yet, the truth was you were tired. So tired and overwhelmed by everything around you. With your wild soul trapped here in the mighty walls of Arrow House, you could not help but drown in an excruciating feeling of worthlessness.

You were lost in a world too difficult for you to understand. Lost and unprepared for a life that asked for too much. When you were living in the vardo with Aunt Isabella life seemed so much easier despite the lack of money and, sometimes, food. Prior to your wedding, she used to tell you that everything would become clear once you’d be a wife and a mother. You’d be an adult adult, you see? But she lied. They all lied. Even with a husband and kids, you still felt like a scared and confused child, who wanted to hide under the blanket of her warm bed and never face the world ever again. These concerns of yours? You never shared because you wanted the Shelby to keep seeing you as a reassuring presence— moreover, God knew how much their broken hearts needed your silent care.

Bringing your trembling fingers to your mouth, you muffled a first sob, convinced it would be enough to keep you from crying. What you didn’t expect was to burst into tears, uncontrollably weeping. After all this time forcing yourself to be strong, your mind had enough. As your heart-wrenching cries echoed in the room they muffled Tommy’s footsteps that were coming closer and closer. When the door flung open, you did not even move, lost in a spiral of pain and psychological exhaustion.

“Y/N?!” Tommy called you, his usual coldness swept away by a surge of panic. He closed the distance between you and him with hastened steps, and put one of his knees on the floor to be at your level, “What’s wrong, ay?” His husky voice asked, worries thickening his Brummie accent even more. You hiccuped and raised your flooded eyes towards him, parting your lips to answer. Yet, as soon as your gaze met his turquoise iris you started weeping again, louder this time. Words were at a loss by dint of never having the chance to express what you felt throughout your life. “Bloody Hell, Y/N! Speak!” Tommy hissed, his heart now drumming in his chest at the sight of his young and always-so-strong wife crumbling in bits in front of him. Never in his life, he had felt so powerless, not even in the tunnels… And, God, he hated it.

“N-nothing. I don’t… I don’t even know it’s just that— I’m so fucking tired, and lost, and confused, and afraid!” You spoke with a very fast pace, spitting years and years of repressed emotions flowing from you all the while feeling deeply ashamed of your mental breakdown. When you were done venting, you simply turned your head and waved off the topic, tears still rolling down your reddened cheeks “Anyway! You’ve got — more important things to do.”

“Stop it, Y/N,” He scolded, low voice rumbling in his chest. His strong and calloused hands, damaged by the war and hard work, cupped your face with a softness you didn’t know he possessed. For the first time in your life, his grip felt utterly reassuring as if you knew these scarred palms were not going to let you fall apart. Never. “You’re what’s important right now.” With that being said, Tommy leaned his forehead against yours and his enchanting eyes soon met yours to force you to focus on nothing else but the vast blue oceans which composed them. “I want you to calm down.”

“I can’t, I can’t—“ You tried to speak but you couldn’t, struggling to breathe under the crushing weight of your panic attack. Your mouth gaped, looking for the oxygen it couldn’t find.

“Oi!” Tommy said louder. So loud that his voice managed to overcome the cacophony of your beating heart and the buzzing sound of your anxiety that filled your head, “I want you to breathe with me, Y/N. Alright? You can do that for me, ay?” He asked, his eyebrows slightly frowned and charming crowfeet appearing at the corner of his eyes — how odd it was to see Tommy’s face veiled with something else than unsettling placidity. Caught off guard by the sudden realization of how close he was, you quieted down a little bit and soon followed the pattern of his breathing.

One long inhale through the nose, one longer exhale through the mouth, and a short pose.

Do it again.

Your shaky hands slowly grabbed his wrists in a desperate attempt to anchor you to reality. This, as well as the focus you had on his mesmerizing complexions.

His long dark lashes — you inhaled slowly.

His cat-like turquoise iris — you exhaled.

His salient cheekbones — You stopped breathing for a very short while.

The myriad of freckles — “Breathe with me, Y/N.”

The soft, hoarse lilt guided you through the dark and thick fog of your own brain, just like a lighthouse. Coming back to clearer waters, your body finally relaxed and fell almost limp in his arms. And once again he caught you, keeping you all safe against his chest. Tommy’s voice, low and steady, resonated one last time in the bedroom with a reassuring warmth as he uttered the simple yet powerful phrase, "I'm here." Each word carefully enunciated, carrying a quiet strength that soothed and reassured, like a comforting anchor in a stormy sea.

Keep your writers motivated: Reblog and/or comment if you liked it, you filthy animal! o/ English is not my first language btw.

Taglist: @adaydreamaway08 @theshelbyclan @jomarch-wannabe @esposadomd @zablife @woofgocows @anathemasworld @anastasia000 @kate654 @kxnnxy @babayaga67 @meowtastick @shelbyssins @sarai-ibn-la-ahad @bluevenus19 @raincoffeeandfandoms @kishie8 @zablife @alexandra-001 @dearshelby @alexizodd @helen06dreamer @kmc1989 @emotionalcadaver @peakyswritings @peakyltd @chaosinkest1996 @vanhelsingsbigtoe @red-riding-wood

Work of art (Michael Gray x reader)

Request: Michael gray x reader where the reader is ashamed of her strech marks and hides them from him and he finds out and just loves her???

To the anon who requested this: I'm sorry but I have the feeling that your request is really good for a headcannon, more than an imagine. So, I hope it doesn't bother you! ♡

Warnings: none

Disclaimer: I’m french and even if I’m learning English for eight fucking years, it’s not perfect and I’m sorry if there are spelling or grammar mistakes. If English is your native language (or if you’re bilingual), I would really appreciate it if you could help me by correcting my errors. Just don’t be too harsh, please. :)

***

➳ You started dating Michael a few months ago and, yet, you never had sex with him. So, he thought you wanted to save your virginity for the wedding and he never forced you.

➳ Like all men, he had desires. Desires that he showed when you were making out, but you couldn't blame him, far from it. You wanted it, but you were afraid, afraid he would see your body. You've always been very complexed because of your stretch marks.

➳ Many times you thought about making love in the dark, but it was too risky for you. This complex was eating you as much as shame was consuming you ...

➳ Your boyfriend asked repeatedly questions about why he couldn't see you naked, whereas you had already seen his body, but it doesn't go further than kisses and some caresses:

- "You don't want me?"

- "You still have your period?"

- "Is it length and the fat of my cock that scares you?" he asked in jest, helping you to relax a bit. Of course, you couldn't help but laugh. You had never seen a penis before his so you didn't had the chance to compare.

➳ You always managed to dodge the question that would make you tell the truth, but you were afraid that he would get tired of you and go elsewhere to satisfy his sexual desires.

➳ You were always at Michael's or he was at your home when your parents were away. One day, while you were waiting for Michael at his place, you decided to run a bath since you still had a good hour to wait before he returned to his place. When your clothes littered the floor, you were completely naked and getting ready to enter the bathtub, the door opened.

➳ You immediately grabbed the towel and covered your body the best you could even if it was already too late. Of course, you were embarrassed because you would have preferred him seeing you for the first time in other circumstances, but also because he had probably seen your stretch marks.

➳ "Michael, couldn't you knock?!"

"It's my flat and I didn't think you would be here." he protested, raising hands in the air to show his innocence, but the smile of this cheeky little bastard said otherwise.

➳ Approaching you, he pulled slowly on the towel to finally have the chance to see your body, but also not to rush you and make sure you wanted the same thing. Except you hold the towel, having crimson cheeks.

➳ "Stop, please..." you whispered.

"Why? Everytime we're about to have sex, you're blocking yourself and I still don't know why... Tell me what's wrong, what I can do to put you at ease..." he said before he kissed the tip of your nose with tenderness.

"It's not your fault, Michael. I just don't like my body... To be honest, I hate it..."

➳ He looked at you like you were crazy and he frowned, obviously he didn't understand. So, when he began to gently pull on the towel again, you let him do it while you closed your eyes, refusing to see his reaction. You were sure he would look at you with disgust.

➳ The towel slipped and you felt embarrassed like you had never been before. When you felt the tips of his fingers trace each curve of your body, you shivered. He was so delicate... At this moment, you felt less ashamed.

➳ "You're very beautiful. What's the problem, baby girl?"

You opened your eyelids and you looked into his beautiful gray-greenish eyes while a glimmer of desire shone there.

"I hate the stretch marks I wear on my body. I hate them so much, Michael..." you explained shyly.

➳ Caressing your stretch marks before he laid kisses on EVERY part of your skin that was affected by your complex.

➳ "Your body is a work of art and these marks are a detail of it, love." 

Sex or more? (Michael Gray x reader)

Request: Hi!! I was wondering if u could do a michael gray x reader where she has become his secretary and has a crush on her. Polly knows that she likes him back and thinks that michael only wants her to fuck so she scares her but michael finds out, looks for her and brings her back ??? Thanks!!💘💘

Disclaimer: I’m french and even if I’m learning English for eight fucking years, it’s not perfect and I’m sorry if there are spelling or grammar mistakes. If English is your native language (or if you’re bilingual), I would really appreciate it if you could help me by correcting my errors. Just don’t be too harsh, please. :)

+ I know it’s not by best work, but I’m so tired ‘cause when I’m posting this, it’s very laaaaate in France. x)

***

➳  You became Michael Gray's secretary about two months ago, some of your relatives weren’t as enthusiastic as you, but you didn’t care. It was your first real job and it couldn’t have been better, Shelby Company Ltd paid its secretaries quite well. So why would you refuse? Not to mention that your young boss was someone nice and pretty to look at... You couldn’t lie to yourself and tell you that working with him was unpleasant.

➳  Crushing on him so hard and blush every time he flirts with you. Your salary increased, without knowing why, but you never asked too many questions.

➳  He started to walk you home every night, so you learnt to discover each other until he invited you to go out with him some evenings, but it never really was a date.

➳ Finally, he settled a date, it was romantic and classy. It was the best night of your life, and that's how you understood that you liked him, except that you weren’t aware that the feeling was shared. After all, lately Michael had caught the reputation of a skirt-chaser...

➳ However, Michael was genuine, even though you didn’t notice. On the other hand, everyone around you saw very well that you crushed on Michael since you have never been talented to hide your feelings. And if everyone had noticed, Polly was one of the first to have seen it...

➳ Polly fucking Shelby. By talking to her, you ended up discovering that she had supernatural gifts and that she was able to discover a lot of things that were sometimes impossible. So, in the late afternoon, when she came into Michael's office while he was away, you felt something fishy was happening. Unfortunately, you weren’t wrong…

"Yes, Mrs. Gray? What can I do for you? Michael is not here."

"I came for you. I will be very clear with you: I know you love my son."

➳ You looked at her as if you hadn’t shit for weeks, your face lost all its colors and you became very nervous, unable to hold in place.

"Excuse me?”  

"Don’t play the girl who doesn’t know what I'm talking about, it's cliché. Look, you're not a bad girl and you don’t deserve that, but you have to know... Michael just wants to fuck you."

Agape, you looked in her eyes to see if she was joking, but when you realized that she was serious and you looked away as your sight blurred. You wanted to cry, except that you were holding back to not lose your credibility with Polly.

➳ No longer able to hold you back, you storm out of the office and return to your home without a word. What said this woman had hurt you in the depths of your being and you didn’t know what to do. The worst thing is that you believed her.

➳ When Michael came back to the office, there wasn’t the slightest trace of you, he decided to call you, but when you got down and his voice began to reach you, you hung up immediately. This worried him and started to question his anterior actions, which is why he went to ask his mother if she knew something.

"Mom, why Y/N isn’t here?” He asked, credulous.

"I told her the truth.” She replied, smoking a cigarette while she read some papers.

"What truth, damn it?!"

"That you just want to have sex with her. I don’t want this non-reciprocal feelings to affect her work before it's too late to go back."

"WHAT?! It's ridiculous!” He shouted, angrily.

➳ He left and drove to your house before knocking on your door and calling from outside. He climbed the gutter to reach your window, which he knocked on before discovering that your room was empty. Michael went down again and opened the front door. Once at your place, it’s on your balcony overlooking the outdoor courtyard that he found you back to him, sitting on one of the chairs.

"Y/N…"

"What are you doing here, Michael?” You questioned him without turning around, afraid he would see your red and wet eyes.

"I know what my mother told you and she’s wrong, although she says she can read people's intentions, see ghosts, and so on. I don’t particularly want to have sex with you even if you’re a very beautiful young woman. "

“So, what…?”

Finally, you dared to turn around and met his eyes, a beautiful smile stretched his kissable lips.

"I really like you. So, would you like to continue working for me and going out with me after work?"

How could you refuse?

Periods

Request: alfie solomons x reader imagines where reader is on her period? also one for john?

Warnings: none, periods are a normal thing.

Disclaimer: I’m french and even if I’m learning English for eight fucking years, it’s not perfect and I’m sorry if there are spelling or grammar mistakes. If English is your native language (or if you’re bilingual), I would really appreciate it if you could help me by correcting my errors. Just don’t be too harsh, please. :)

***

Alfie Solomons:

➳ Him wanting you to stay in bed:

“Alfie, you know I can’t!” you sighed.          

“Well, I’m going to call your boss and he will fucking accept because he’s a good man, innit?” he said, spreading his arms for you to take refuge there while an amused smile stretched his plump lips

“No, because he’s afraid of Alfie Solomons and his dreadful Jewish gang.”

“That’s fantastic, you can rest whenever you want, pet.”

You shook your head, hopeless and complied to his wish if it reassured him…

➳ He asked Cyril to take care of you even if he’s just a dog…

“Look, I need you to watch over her when I’m not at home. Alright, mate?”

“Woof!”

“Yeah, of course, you will have your reward.”

➳ He was used to periods, thanks to his sisters. So, knowing you were on your period or that you stained the bed sheets, it has never disgusted or surprised him. He was cool with that.

➳ Sometimes, he asked advices to his sisters and his mother:

“So, what stops the pain, Ima?”

“Giving me grandchildren, Alfred. It works every time and for nine months.”

➳ Putting hot clothes on your stomach to ease with the cramps and telling your stories about his childhood to distract you from the pain. Then, he asked you about having children, joking about the fact you won’t bleed from your vagina during nine months, which led you to slap him on his shoulder.

➳ Baking your favorite pastries when he came back home because he knew how much you were greedy on your period, but also you always said he had golden hands.

John Shelby:

➳ “I’m dying John, I swear!” you yelled after he teased you about being a weak woman. Nope, this month Mother Nature was so harsh with you, that is was intolerable.

➳ You kept massaging your tummy to help with the cramps and you just wanted to sleep, whereas all the kids were shouting or fighting over something, as always. “JOHN FUCKING SHELBY solve your children problem or I will break your neck!” Yep, it was harsh, but you still loved his kids and he knew it.

➳ Even if he liked mocking you, when he saw you were in a really bad shape, he silenced the kids so that you could sleep without being disturbed.

➳ “Shit, I didn’t impregnate you this month!”

“And if you do, I will cut your balls and feed the dog with them.” You responded, curled on yourself. “Six children are already a lot. We don’t need more.”

“But we don’t have one together…” he murmured, dropping kisses on your neck.

Sure, you wanted kids, but you preferred to wait. So, you contented yourself with having your period.

(A/n: in this one, Esme died, not John. That’s why they are already six kids, not four.)

➳ John was literally a rabbit, not having sex for almost a week was hard for him, especially if you were physically close to him. So there were a lot of displays of affection at home, in bed, which led to jerk him off.

➳ Making him massage your ovaries to calm them, to ease your mood.

➳ “John..?” you called in the darkness of the night before you turned on the bedside light. “John, wake up!” you startled him and he looked at you with narrow eyes, not fully awake.

“What do you want eh? It’s 3 a.m.!”

“I want chocolate.”

“What?”

“I want chocolate!” you repeated.

“Can’t you move your ass to the kitchen?” he questioned, fixing his gaze on you.

“It was my nice request for you to move to change the sheets because I’m swimming in a pool of blood.” You explained with a smile, seeing him grimace.

“You still want the chocolate?” he asked nicely before he stole you a kiss.

Yeah, you had your way to soften that man.

Someone else better than him (Michael Gray x reader)

Request: Helloo, could you please do a michael x reader where the reader is a barmaid or waitress at the garrison, she has a boyfriend. Everyone knows Michael likes her and want them to be together and john tease him about it. Her boyfriend cheats on her and Michael conforts her. And then he tells her he loves her and wants her to be his gf???

Warnings: cheating + not my best work, I know, but I’m overwhelmed by everything I had to do :(

Disclaimer: I’m french and even if I’m learning English for eight fucking years, it’s not perfect and I’m sorry if there are spelling or grammar mistakes. If English is your native language (or if you’re bilingual), I would really appreciate it if you could help me by correcting my errors. Just don’t be too harsh, please. :)

***

Like every Friday night, the Garrison was crowded, impossible to get around without pushing someone or crushing some feet. It was in these situations that you blessed the lord to be barmaid and not waitress. Even if you had people at the bar, it was always better and then at least you had time to chat with customers or even the Shelby’s.

While you were serving a man in his 40s, you saw John Shelby and Michael Gray sitting at the counter and chatting. The smile that stretched John's lips was not unknown to you, he was certainly annoying his cousin and your curiosity prevailed by trying to listen to their conversation like a spy.

“By the time you make a move towards her, she will have had time to get married three times and have ten kids!” John joked, so Michael sighed, shaking his head.

"John, it's not that easy. She has a boyfriend."

"And so?”

"I would be surprised if she took it well."

I finished serving the last customers before moving on to those two, cutting them off in their discussion.

"Michael, John, what can I serve you?” I asked, smiling.

"Two whiskey, please, Y/N.” Michael replied, looking down at his hands.

I served them before dealing with the payments, making sure no one scammed us and I took the opportunity to listen to them resume their discussion. Wrong? Yes. Interesting? Really.

"What happened to Michael Gray, the guy who can fuck any girl he wants?"

"I don’t want to fuck her, that's what you don’t understand.” growled the youngest of the two.

"So, what? That's why you have no more balls to try anything? Or is it because you're afraid she thinks you have a dick too small? "

"Shut up.” Michael retorted before lowering his glass and snapping it on the varnished wooden counter.

"You know what? If I wasn’t married, I would already have tried something with Y/N.” he murmured, but not low enough so I could hear.

I couldn’t help but blush and tried to avoid their eyes the rest of the evening. It’s true that I had always found Michael pretty handsome, intelligent and friendly. Maybe more than once, my heart had missed a beat, but I had always ignored this great attraction towards him. I had never wanted to disrespect my boyfriend, considering that he didn’t deserve it, especially since we had been together for a year and a half. He came to visit me more than once during my services and this led to arguments, he was convinced that something was going on between me and Michael because of the continuous innuendos of the Shelby or because that I got on very well with the Chief Accountant of Shelby Company Ltd.

After closing the pub, you went home like every night, exhausted and having only one desire: to sleep. Ten minutes later, you found yourself in your boyfriend's building, went up the two floors and arrived at the front door; low moans of man and especially of woman came to your ear. You frowned and then widened your eyes as you understood what was happening. Alexander was doing what you forbade yourself, in the sheets you shared together. You didn’t need to check, it was useless, you weren’t stupid to believe that it was just a misunderstanding. You took out of your bag, a sheet of paper and a pen before scribbling these few words:

"You have chosen another that isn’t me, but don’t expect to see me again, except to come get my things. Good luck with her, hoping she will be the right one. - Y/N L/N"

You were sad, it was the case to say it, but you hadn’t shed a tear. Maybe you didn’t love him as before, and obviously it was reciprocal, but you would have preferred it to end otherwise. To deceive you and count on keeping it as a secret, there was nothing more cowardly.

You decided to turn back your way, going to your own flat.

*

The next day was a little more difficult, this story gnawed at you all night, not to mention that you couldn’t get Michael off your head either. Obviously, you liked him and it was reciprocal. Now, you were single and you wondered if anything could happen between you two... To be honest, you were a bit lost, between this break and the opportunity to be with Michael... This break affected you even if you didn’t want to admit it.

You were cleaning the counter as the first guests arrived; it was still a bit early when you saw Michael walk through the pub door alone. Usually, he always was with someone. You didn’t get up and continued your work until he sat on the stool in front of you.

"Hello Michael, what do you want?"

"Hi, Y/N. A whiskey, please."

You nodded with a small smile and served him immediately as you felt his gaze constantly on you. When you looked up, you met her beautiful gaze as his eyebrows furrowed.

“You really have dark circles under your eyes tonight, what's going on?” he asked, looking worried before taking a sip of his drink.

"Here are ways to seduce a woman!” I replied with an irony, a small smile on my lips. It was true that my dark circles had taken a rather purplish color that night, because of my lack of sleep. "Let's say that... I almost surprised my boyfriend, finally ex, cheating on me. And then other little things that it took me time to fall asleep and that my sleep wasn’t renovator."

"He did WHAT?!” he almost choke on his whiskey and gawk like an idiot.

"Cheated. He cheated on me, Michael. But it’s going to be okay... "

I looked down at the counter, feeling my throat tighten. A person in whom I had great confidence betrayed me and there was nothing I could do against it, except wait for time to pass and let the wound heal.

"He doesn’t deserve you. You'll find someone else better than him..."

"I think I already found it..." you thought.

"If I was him, I wouldn’t have done that.” he added, looking into my eyes.

"What would have you done?” I asked, leaning towards him.

"I would have stayed by your side, faithful and I would have waited patiently for you to come back, to take you in my arms and kiss you” he confessed, murmuring, his voice hoarse.

My heart began to accelerate at his revelation. I bit my lower lip, bringing my face close to his.

"What's stopping you?"

"I want you to know something first: I have strong feelings for you for a while and knowing you with him became unbearable. I'm sorry for what happened to you, but I'm glad you're not with him anymore."

"Know one thing," I repeated, like him. "It's reciprocal."

It was all he needed to slide a hand behind my neck and put his lips against mine for a passionate kiss.

There’s plenty more fish in the sea.

You grow up too fast (Michael Gray x reader)

Request: Hey, can u write an imagine or hc about being ada's bff and going to polly's, meeting michael??? He falls in love w her and takes her on a date and to a family meeting were he presents her as his girl

Warnings: none, only fluff

Disclaimer: I’m french and even if I’m learning English for eight fucking years, it’s not perfect and I’m sorry if there are spelling or grammar mistakes. If English is your native language (or if you’re bilingual), I would really appreciate it if you could help me by correcting my errors. Just don’t be too harsh, please. :)

***

➳ When you met Ada, you were 16 and even if she was already 22, you understood each other so well and if you weren’t straight, you would probably fall in love with this woman. Now, you’re her best friend for 6 years and you only met Tommy when he broke into her house, to see if she was doing well. So yep, you never met the others Shelby in Polly’s house until that day. Ada absolutely wanted you to meet her brothers, her cousin and her aunt.

➳ At the beginning, even if they were nice to you, because Ada trusted you with her whole heart, you were so shy. For you to relax, John and Arthur had in mind to make you laugh with their best puns and jokes, and it worked. Even Polly chatted with you like you belonged to this family. To summarize, it was really nice.

➳ But there was Michael, you couldn’t help but blushed every time you met his gaze. He was handsome, well-mannered and a bit mysterious. So, at the end of the day, when he asked you on a date while all of his family members were doing something, you were surprised. Then, you gladly accepted, wanting to know him.

➳ Asking Ada for help to choose your clothes, hairstyle and makeup for your date. She was almost as excited as you were and she openly hoped you would become a real family member, like Mrs. Gray, which made you blush because it was so soon!

➳ Michael was hot as always.

➳ Him gaping when he saw you before he managed to compliment you:

“Wow… You’re incredibly beautiful, Y/N.”

➳ Taking you to a fancy restaurant, the kind where you had never stepped before. You were completely amazed. The food was excellent, at the top of the gastronomy.

➳ Michael couldn’t stop looking at you when he had the chance to. He found you so beautiful, intelligent and he loved when you were shy, he thought it was cute.

➳ His heart was beating like crazy and poor boy; he didn’t understand immediately what was happening to him. Then, he remembered what people told him, what if feels like to fall in love. At this moment, he knew he was falling so hard for you.

➳ At the end of the diner, he couldn’t resist you and your desirable lips. He gathered his courage, taking your hand in his, caressing your flushed cheek and he kissed you, putting all his love in the kiss. Then, he asked you to be his girlfriend and you only could accept, otherwise you would be crazy!

➳ You were in a relationship for two months, keeping it a secret, before you decided to reveal the truth to the Shelby’s, except Ada who knew because you couldn’t hide it to her.

➳ There was a family meeting between the Shelby’s, but Michael insisted for you to come because it was the best occasion to tell them. So you entered Thomas’s manor hand in hand and when they saw you, hands intertwined, you had nothing to explain. They congratulated the two of you.

“When is the wedding?” asked Ada to tease you a bit before taking you in her arms, whispering in your ear “Aw, you grow up too fast, my Y/N!” which made you laugh.

Periods part 2

Request: I received a few requests to write a second part about Michael Gray, Finn and Thomas Shelby.

Warnings: none

Disclaimer: I’m french and even if I’m learning English for eight fucking years, it’s not perfect and I’m sorry if there are spelling or grammar mistakes. If English is your native language (or if you’re bilingual), I would really appreciate it if you could help me by correcting my errors. Just don’t be too harsh, please. :)

***

Michael Gray:

➳ Michael was intelligent and received a good education, so he knew a few things about periods, but he asked Polly some advices.

➳ He wasn’t disgusted by the blood, so if you needed to change the bed sheets or something, he never said anything.

➳ Running warm baths for you, to help you to relax all your tensed muscles and to relieve your cramps.

➳ Sometimes he cooked for the two of you, especially if you were in a bad shape:

“What are you doing, babe?”

“The Sunday roast your mom used to cook. With some hope, it will be edible!”

“Please don’t kill us...” you whispered, a little smile stretching your lips. 

“Eh! I’m not suicidal, alright? We’re not going to die of food poisoning; I’m not Finn or Isaiah.”

You couldn't help but laugh, cuddling him from behind to thank him. Luckily, his dish wasn't bad, even if it will never be as good as your mother’s.

➳ Making some yoga postures because once, an Indian man told him that it was what his wife was doing to relieve her pain.

➳ He used to massage your entire body, insisting on your lower abdomen and back, where your ovaries were killing you.

➳ Preparing an herbal tea every night before he read to you your favorite book because it made you feel so much better.

 Finn Shelby:

➳ Poor Finn never had a good education. Actually, he didn’t know how to read and write until he met you and it was the 1920s, so he had a lack of knowledge about periods and in general about how female body work.

➳ The first time you were in pain while he was present, he didn’t understand until you explained him what was happening. But he was still confused, even if he didn’t show it.

➳ Being the cutie he is, he asked Ada for some help and she told him how he could help you to cope with the pain, if he wanted to serve to something and avoid being a useless boyfriend.

➳ The second time you had your period and that he was aware, he ran to a grocery shop and bought chocolate even if it was expensive at that time. Then, he went to the florist to surprise you with your favorite flowers!

➳ He still wasn’t quite comfortable to ask you to massage your lower abdomen because he was very respectful and shy, so he just cuddled you as much as you wanted.

(A/n: I know the Finn version is super short, but seriously I didn’t know what to write... So, if you have more ideas than me, tell me in comments and I will add them (and credit you)

 Thomas Shelby:

➳ The man had so many women in his bed in the past and had truly loved two of them before you, which made him an EXPERT. He gathered the expertise of all his brothers and his cousin.

➳ He knew what kind of tea you should drink, especially chamomile tea, and what food you could eat to prevent cramps. He even made sure you were hydrated.

➳ He made you bath in warm water every morning and night to be at peace.

➳ He massaged all the right spots like a pro, you didn’t need to tell him where it hurt the most AND he kissed you at the same time. This man had a gift to understand the woman anatomy and he could charm your ovaries.

➳Tommy bought you clothes, perfume and makeup from Paris, very expensive stuff at this time, and also pastries with flowers because it was good for your morale.

➳ Spending more time with you and Charlie on the first day of your period because it drained you from your energy and it was a good excuse to be more present for you two.

➳ Joking about getting you pregnant with his third child so you won’t be on your periods for a long time, this led to a more serious discussion, the baby subject, because both of you wanted a child in common. Especially since you didn’t have your own baby by blood, even if you loved Charlie and Ruby (even if she had a mother that was still in love with Thomas) as your own children.

“Would you prefer a boy or a girl?” he asked since he already had the two.

“It doesn’t matter as long as the baby will be healthy.”

Then, trying to choose names with important meanings for both of you.

➳ Cuddling all the night, his hot hand on your lower stomach since you were the little spoon.

The clementine, part 2 (Michael Gray x reader)

Read Part 1 before this.

Warnings: sad, Michael being a little shit

Disclaimer: I’m french and even if I’m learning English for eight fucking years, it’s not perfect and I’m sorry if there are spelling or grammar mistakes. If English is your native language (or if you’re bilingual), I would really appreciate it if you could help me by correcting my errors. Just don’t be too harsh, please. :)

PART 1

***

"Promise me that you will come back to me. Don’t forget that we must get married..."

"One day, I promise you.” he whispered in your ear before stealing you a tender kiss.

If only. If only his words were true. If only he wasn’t a liar…

Going to Birmingham was enough for him to totally forget you, as if you had never existed, to the point of ignoring all the letters you sent to him. At the tenth, over a whole year, still spacing the send time a little, you ended up giving up.

"Maybe the address isn’t the right one..." you tried to reassure yourself the best you could, but deep inside you knew very well that he could have found you, he knew your address. So, when you went back to his adoptive mother house, to hear about him, you learned very quickly that he had even broke off all ties with the woman who had fed, educated and loved him for years. No wonder... If he didn’t talk to her anymore, why would he talk to you? When the anger seized you, passing in front of the well wish he hated so much, your rage spilled. The famous well he hated... Chance or not, a worker had just stopped not far from the well and when he left his business unattended, you hastened to take the hammer he owned and you have hammered the well. It was not enough to destroy it, but it was to damage it a little at a certain place. When one of the bricks gave way completely, you picked it up before leaving, having an idea in mind.

What you were about to discover was going to destroy you.

When you went to Birmingham, you discovered with amazement that people only had a few words in their mouths: the Peaky Blinders. Even in the restaurant in which you were, you could hear a group of men and women talking about it vaguely. Your legendary curiosity pushed you to join the group before asking a few questions to a young woman of your age.

"But who are these guys? The Peaky Blinders?"

Credulously? You were. To be honest, you had never been interested in gangsters.

"The gang who run this city! The Shelby family. A lot of men and some women. I know you must not get in their way, unless you have to flee the city or worse, end up with a bullet between your eyes..." she finally whispered.

Shelby... Shelby... That name rang a bell to you. You had already heard it somewhere, but you couldn’t put a face on that name.

“Are they old? Young? Have they been doing this for a long time...?” You asked after swallowing a mouthful of your apple crumble.

"Tommy, the leader is in his thirties, John is a little younger and Arthur is a bit older. There is Ada, the only sister and there is a teenager. After that, there's their aunt, I think... Um... Polly! Polly Gray. And finally, Michael Gray. The rest, I will say, they are dogsbodies."

You failed to choke at her announcement. Michael Gray... Your Michael Gray? Yes, it could only be him, otherwise the name Shelby wouldn’t have mean anything to you. The man who came a few years ago was a Shelby, a family member.

"Where can I find them?"

You almost were treated of nut, madwoman, just by having the idea of wanting to meet them, but you insisted without explaining your reasons. Finally, the young woman ended up yield to giving you a very vague address: "Small Heath is their headquarters."

It wasn’t until late afternoon that you called a taxi driver to go to this small and poor neighborhood. And even if you didn’t feel in your place, having lived in a family and a respectable neighborhood, you walked with your head up without attracting prying eyes on you. It didn’t take long for an old man to tell you where the Garrison was, where you had a good chance of finding the Shelby’s. The closer you got to your goal, the more nervous you became. Your hands were moist and trembling, your heart was beating fast as your stomach twisted.

In the evening, when you passed the doors of the pub, you looked at each man. You didn’t see him. However, a couple or what appeared to be one, caught your attention by their behavior. The woman was straddling the man, kissing, while his hands were strolling on her body.

"How can they do this in public?” you thought. When you were about to turn your head, your heart missed a beat before he broke. The young woman had just back up from the man. A man who was none other than Michael Gray. The man who refused to answer your letters without any reason. The man you hadn’t seen for more than four years. The man you loved and with whom you had to get married. The man who had just broken your heart for the first time. Tears were rising, but you drove them away. You had to talk to him, try to understand... You waited for the brunette to leave before you sat at his table, facing him as he took out a small blue bottle from his pocket.

"Michael..."

When he heard his name, he raised his nose and faced you. The words were stuck in your throat. For almost a minute neither of you spoke, at least until you decided to break the silence.

"Why didn’t you answer my letters...?” you asked in a low voice, delicately.

He bit his lower lip before opening the bottle, putting the white powder on the table next to some bills. You weren’t stupid, you knew recognized the drug, cocaine, even if you had never seen it yourself.

"How is it possible? He never would have done that four or five years ago...?"

He didn’t answer and just rolled the thin bundle of notes.

"I'm talking to you! Answer me, Goodness!"

He raised his eyes, his emerald eyes gazing at you for a few seconds before focusing again on the snow.

"Cause, I didn’t have a special reason to do it. What would you have served me? To nothing. You would have caused me problems and then... You're not fun. In fact, you are rather the opposite: boring. Do you really think I want to settle down when I can have all the girls I want? When I can go out, drink and use drugs without having to justify myself? I guess you already have the answer, if you think a bit.” he replied coldly, his features severe before he sniffed the cock rail he had just prepared.

If your heart wasn’t already broken, it had just been shattered and reduced to ashes. Nevertheless, you found great strength inside of you to prevent yourself from bursting into tears like a child, even if it was hard. Having your heart trampled on by your first love is far from easy.

You looked at him in the eyes, a few seconds, to see if he didn’t play a joke, but he was very serious. Another hit to take... At that moment, you understood that the Michael you had known and liked no longer existed. The sharp contrast between the children’s purity and the adult dark world hit you hard.

"Now, can you leave before Genevieve comes back? She promised me a thousand and one wonders tonight, whereas she’s not an easy girl and you risk to ruin everything."

Your chest rose frantically under the effect of rage that you were trying to control. In addition to ridiculing you and your feelings, he behaved like the king of assholes. You couldn’t contain yourself anymore. Even before you both could realize it, your hand slammed against his cheek.

"I hate you, Michael Gray! Go to hell!” you spat angrily, throwing at him the brick of the wish well.

You left the bar, not giving him time to react. What was the point? To insult and humiliate you more? In any case, nothing would bring you back the man you loved. It was the last time you saw Michael Gray, your childhood and youth love.

Rules to ask an imagine or a headcanon

I explain why there are rules just after thoses:

1) Ask something original or at least not too cliché. I would accept something cliché if the character you want me to write for still doesn’t have the same plot written. :)

2) I’ll write what I want to, only if I like your request or if I feel comfortable enough to write it (it should be okay if you respect the first rule)

3) Don’t ask me the same imagine or headcanon you sent to someone else, please.

4) Don’t harass me. If you want an answer, message me in private ;)

5) Don’t ask for a character that isn’t already in my masterlist. I can accept only if I already wrote for a character played by the same actor. But I can’t make promises.

6) Feel free to ask age gap stories, I’m living for it! Aha

7) English isn’t my first language so I’ll make some spelling or grammar mistakes, so don’t be harsh.

8) Being polite is always a plus ;)

I’m not the kind of person to establish rules, except when I don’t have the choice. I need to explain myself, why I need to set up rules. I can seem stupid to say that, but I have been really busy lately and I always will. Firstly, I make my studies a priority. Besides studies, I write a lot. These are mostly novels (in French) and since I’m published author, I want to focus my efforts on my novels... I would like to live from my books but in France, it’s extremely difficult, so I have to work harder and harder. So, it takes a lot of my time. Not to mention that there are times when I really want to relax reading or watching movies and series instead of writing.

I hope you understand my choice,

Love you. ♡

MASTERLIST

My social media:

Instagram - carolinemertz_

Twitter - causeimhappines

Wattpad - CauseImHappiness

Stories ideas

Sometimes, I want to write stories morally very wrong, but I can’t because people will think I’m mad, they’ll insulte me or even boycott my other works... :(

Requests

Hey! I really miss tumblr and writing one-shots, headcanons, etc. I used to write about the Peaky Blinders, Supernatural and Resident Evil 🥰

I think I'll come back after mid-May. So, who wants me to write something? If you have something original in mind (which was not written yet), don't be shy and tell me about that! 😉

(and if I have to many requests, I'll write "requests are closed" in my bio)

Of course, it won't be posted before mid-May... Because of university (I still have exams during quarantine 🤦🏻‍♀️) and also because I work on a lot of projects, alone or with my publishing company, so you'll have to be patients aha

Lots of love ❤️