Life Posts - Tumblr Posts
There are days that are good, days that are bad, and days when you show up to class and just wanna fight anyone who even blinks at you
Life Tip #1
not the most popular person in your school? spread rumors about those who are and watch triumphantly as their social status crumbles from underneath them and you alone are left standing
Life Tip #2
set alarms for when you should drink water so you can turn them off and ignore them and feel like the dehydrated disappointment you are at 3 p.m. and 7 a.m. sharp
Life Tip #3
stressing out for finals? don’t study at all and don’t eat or sleep so when it comes to the time for finals, you can pass by passing out
Life Tip #4
hate people being taller than you? urge them to walk blindfolded into a corn maze and use a chainsaw to cut off their legs
Life Tip #5
are you always wrong about everything? brainwash yourself into believing you’re perfect and never accept shit from anyone else again
Life Tip #6
unsure of how to flirt? learn to yodel so you can impress all of your prospective partners through the power of your mating call
Life Tip #7
struggling to with a certain teacher who dislikes you? don’t waste your time improving your grades, morals, and confidence. Instead, construct an elaborate plan that frames your teacher for purposefully failing students and get them fired
Life Tip #9
tired of hand-washing expensive bras? avoid washing them at all by releasing yourself from the pressures of society and bra wires and never wearing a bra again
Life Tip #10
avoid having to ever going out in public again by committing a crime that will get you placed under house arrest for an easy reason as to why you can’t go to Bertha‘s high school reunion party
Life Tip #11
are you and your best friend drifting apart? make your next best friend a rock instead, and never fear emotional attachments again bc billius is in your pocket. forever.
Life Tip #12
losing followers because your content is shit? track down each and every one of them and haunt them as a living ghost until they can do nothing but submit to your vengeance and hit that follow button!
Life Tip #13
suffering from horrible mood drops? stash a bunch of food in various pockets in your jacket and backpack and totally forget about them so you can find them later and know that even if you’re surrounded by sneaky bitches, at least you can trust your past self with taking care of yourself
Life Tip #14
stay alive during finals week by imagining your teachers falling into your demonic void that curses them to bad luck for just long enough to not have a fun New Year’s Eve if they don’t give you a good grade
Life Tip #16
make sure you’re dating somebody who deserves you by making your motto “six digits in the bank or ditch ‘em”
Life Tip #18
if you feel bad about yourself, just know that the bar for 2018 has been set so low that you could wish somebody a nice day and be praised as a god for not being a complete dick. you’re doing amazing sweetie ;))
Life Tip #20
start making a paper star for every day of your life and store them secretly around your house, and only tell people about it in your will. when it comes for your funeral, have someone release all your paper stars into the crowd of mourners. the next person to make a speech must tearfully wipe their eyes and mention how you were always starry-eyed. the person that laughs must drown in the stars bc that shit’s disrepectful
Life Tip #27
grab a highlighter and draw some of that neon shit on your hand bc you need a reminder that you’re part of the important things too!! gotta highlight the things you don’t want to forget!! :D
Life Tip #40
an actual life tip!! kiddos if you guys have abusive or restrictive parents and own an iphone that you like to use at night, pls keep yourselves safe by changing to black wallpapers so that the light of your screen is darker and won't get you caught as easily! also, instead of dimming your phone beyond what you can do normally using zoom bc that wastes a lot of battery, put your phone on the normal dimmest setting and turn your phone to graycale by going to settings -> general -> accessibility -> grayscale
this makes your phone black and white so bright colors won't hurt your eyes or give you away! pls stay safe out there kiddos
Life Tip #50
instead of thinking it as writing a thesis for your essay, think of it more as spill the tea-sis in order truly blow them away! what’s the ultimate hooker in your gossip article babe?? that’s how you’ll get them