Josie Mccoy - Tumblr Posts

I’m Not Her (W.C. 1,232)

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Fandom: Riverdale

Pairing: Sweet Pea / Reader

Warnings: Swearing

Summary: “You’re in love with her, tell me I’m wrong,” you challenge.

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     "You are so unbelievable," you huff as you storm into the trailer. Tossing your jacket onto the sofa, you stomp your way into the bedroom.

    Sweet Pea is right on your heels, slamming the front door and making his way down the narrow hallway to lean against the door frame. He rolls his eyes and cockily tips his head.

    "As much as your sass is hot, you're starting to irritate daddy. Now either you cut this shit out and tell me what the hell crawled up your ass tonight or you knock this of to instead knock the headboard against the wall instead." He wiggles his eyebrows suggestively but you only glare at your boots as you unlace them and kick them off.

    "Is sex the only thing you ever think about, is that the only thing this relationship is based on. Is that all I am to you? Because I actually like you. That's why for the past two weeks I've planned a nice date night for you and I. I made the reservations, called off work, and bought this brand new outfit for you only to ignore me the minute you spot Archie with Josie!"

    Pea nods in mock consideration, before a smug smile cracks across his face. One you'd really love to smack away.

    "Oh, I get it. You're jealous!"

    You lean over to wail one of your boots at his smug face but, of course, the big oaf ducks before impact. Merely chooses instead to move to approach you and then pull your struggling form against his chest, a chuckle vibrating against your cheek.

    "Isn't that just adorable. Greens definitely your color, baby. But you're being more sensitive than usual, are you PMS-ing or something?"

    You grit your teeth and shove him as hard as you can, managing to put at least 2 feet between the two of you. You take pride in the shocked face Sweet Pea makes at your outburst.

    "You think this is a fucking joke? You  humiliated me."

    Sweet Pea recovers with an annoyed look and eye roll.

    " Jesus God, y/n, chill out. It's not a big fucking deal. You're so fucking irritating anymore."

    You've hit your limit. Instead of saying anything else to him, you decide to take your leave instead. Sweet Pea can't deny the sudden wave of panic as you push past him into the cramped living room. The one he first kissed you in, the one that held the multiple candles you would buy on a whim, the one you both decorated for Christmas with a tree and gifts. He can swear that the smile on your face while you decorated was brighter than any of those lights. He doesn't know why, but in those few seconds it took for you to walk out the door, he's taken back to every memory he's shared with you. His bedroom where you took care of him in when he'd over drink or when he caught the flu. The bed you made love in, well you referred to it as 'making love' but he crudely referred to it as fucking. He remembers how your face fell at that, and it felt like he couldn't breathe. He made his way to where you were pulling on your coat.

    "What are you doing?"

    "I'm leaving," and with those few words Pea's heart clenched.

    "So that's it? It's over?" 'Of course it is you idiot. You betrayed her, you hurt her. Coward.'

    He can't help but to flinch when you turn to him with a face void of any emotion, although your eyes were glassy, he didn't know which sight hurt more.

    "Don't act so surprised. You and I both knew this was coming, it's what you wanted after all, right? That's why you wanted to keep me a secret from people, why you kept on flirting with people, ditching me to listen in on her practices. Why you wouldn't even take me to prom, all because she was with someone other than you. While you were stuck with me, the girl who gave everything she had to you like an idiot." A few traitorous tears escape from the corners of your eyes and he moves to get near you, only stopping as your body goes rigid and you compose yourself once again.

    "I'm done being that idiot, your idiot, Pea. I know now that all I ever was to you was an easy lay, a cook, a maid, a cover-up, an excuse to show up everywhere she was. I was your dirty little secret, your second choice to the amazing Josie McCoy. I thought that I could change your mind, make you see how happy I could make you... even at the expense of my own. I thought if I tried hard enough that I could be enough for you, like she is. But I know now that I'm not her. And that is why I'm not enough for you. But I do know that the smartest thing Josie ever did, was turn away from your bullshit... something I wish I could've done from the beginning." Tears now course steadily down your cheeks, but a weight has lifted off your shoulders with each word. While to Sweet Pea, the words felt like a bullet to his heart.

    'No,' he thought, 'you're my everything. I was so stupid. I'm so sorry. I don't want her, you are enough.'

    "You're in love with her."

    Pea stands there with his mouth opening and closing like a fish, his mind going a million miles an hour with all the things he desperately wants to tell you. 'No. NO. Don't think that baby, you are my light. My love. My happiness. I was just so scared of you, of how much you changed me, changed me into someone so much better than a serpent asshole. I fell for you so hard, so quick, it was easier to push you away than to endure the way you make my heart race the minute I set my eyes on you.' Words he couldn't bring his mouth to say.

    "Tell me I'm wrong," you nearly begged. Oblivious to the war raging inside the boy in front of you, holding your breath in anticipation that for once, he would choose you.

    'yourwrongyourwrongyourwrongyourwrongyourwrongyourwrongyourwrongyourwrongyourwrongyourwrongyourwrongyourwrongyourwrongyourwrongyourwrongyourwrong'

    You nod your head, accepting his silence as his answer. You put your hand on the doorknob and suddenly Pea remembers his functioning vocal cords, but all rational words all pleas and professions of love escape him in his last ditch effort to get you to not leave.

    "Wh-where are you going?"

    "I'm going home."

    'NoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNo'

    "But, but you are home."

    You don't answer, instead pulling the door open and palming your keys. And in that last moment, before you step out of the trailer, out of his life and this single sided relationship, you turn to meet his dark eyes one last time. You don't see the man you fell in love with, not the man who would cook you breakfast in bed, the man you gave your first time to, the man you dumbly hoped to marry one day. No, he wasn't any of those anymore. He was your first heartbreak, a lesson to be learned.

    "Not anymore."

    And with that slamming of the door, the boy fell to his knees in grief while you, like all the memories, were gone.


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