Jaemin Angst - Tumblr Posts

[3:02] "Stop being cheesy in front of me," you glare at your best friend and sister as they steal kisses and candies from each other. You huff, focusing back on the video game and violently hitting Jaemin's character instead of killing the enemy, leading to your defeat.

Game over.

You groan, "Freaking lovebirds bring me bad luck!"

They haven't said a word, not even daring to bite back at your playful remark, just looking at each other. You shake your head and smile fondly. You stood up, moving to the kitchen, where you take a glass of water and clutch on your heart.

It feels strange.

They didn't even notice you leaving.

Jaemin looked beautiful when he's with your sister. Honestly, he looks beautiful even when he's not, but... well, there's something else. He looks happier. Livelier. As if he wants to live for an eternity no matter how cruel the world is.

As children, it was the two of you against the world. It was you he played games with, stared at, smiled at. Only you. It was your name written on his wrist by glittery pink ink. It was his doing that your parents always scolded you both for wrapping your pinky fingers in red ribbons, saying you're both too young for such things. Things didn't change much even as you grew up.

Or, at least, until your sister came back home from a faraway land unfamiliar to you.

Maybe it's not jealousy in your heart. Maybe it's actually envy. It might not be 'why is it her?' and rather, 'why is it not me instead?'

Because yes, you'll admit, you love him. Your best friend who you love with more than a best friend would. You love him, but you don't say, you never will. You're in love with him, but it's nothing enough to change fate, alter the world. You see in his eyes, the same ones you fell into, that he could never look at you the same way.

He'd never love you. Not the same way you loved him.

But her... well, she put stars in his eyes. She hangs the moon in his night sky, lifts the sun to rise in his world. She was new. She didn't know him at all, hasn't been there in his ups and downs. She wasn't there for him when you were and she didn't comfort him like you did. It wasn't fair!

It wasn't fair...

But it made him happy.

And when it made Jaemin happy, why would it matter if was fair at all?

You take deep breathes, soft against the rim of the glass. It must be suffocating, the grip you have on it. A little stronger and it'll break under your fingers. Water drips down your neck, and it's not spilling from your lips because of the water you just drank.

You're crying. Were you happy? Were you sad? Or, were you tired of having to be both, happy for them and sad for yourself?

You would always be the best friend and her the girlfriend. He put a ribbon on your finger and a ring on hers. He promised to be by your side forever, and he promised to live with her for the rest of his eternity. No matter how you look at it, it didn't matter that he knew you deeper, longer. You're the best friend.

The girl he went to school with everyday, the girl he exchanged presents with every holiday. The first girl to tell him he's beautiful and it's fine to love flowers and the color pink. The first girl he brought home, introduced to his family. The first girl to know about his parents' divorce, the first one to comfort him, from then even until the funeral of his father and more times aside from that. The first girl who let him know it was okay to cry, to be sad.

And, years down the line, he'd realize that you're the first girl he's ever truly fell in love with. Rose petals scatter the red carpet, youthful whites against passionate red. He's come to regret the years he wasted looking at you like anything else but a woman, scared that if he saw you in any light other than his best friend, he'd fall irrevocably in love. Love scared him. Though, he realizes just then, loss scared him more. Loss of you. Loss of the chance to love you. To have you. To kiss you. To hold you.

To have forever with you.

Just then. He realizes just then.

As you walk down the aisle, a flower path leading to a man that's not him.

tw: cheating

[08:37p.m.] Oddly enough, the first thing you do after finding out from your trustworthy neighbor that your boyfriend brought a handsy lady to your apartment was to pick up a box of pastries and two cups of hot chocolate on the way home from a trip you were done early for.

As expected when you return, the lights were off and the TV was on. The AC was most likely on high, and you frown, remembering the sudden spike of your electricity bill. Maybe I should be grateful they at least turned off the lights?

They don't notice you, too immersed in kissing each other and lost in their wandering hands.

"Hi, boyfriend," you make your presence known, taking off your coat. "I suppose you're my boyfriend's other girlfriend? Hi, boyfriend's other girlfriend."

You watch in amusement as they part, horrified expressions on their faces. Your expression dims ever so slightly at recognizing her familiar face from the light the TV casts on her delicate features.

"Oh, apparently it's my boyfriend's best friend who happens to probably be his girlfriend," you nod teasingly. You sigh, walking closer to them, setting down the snacks you picked up on the way home. "I didn't know you were gonna be over, so I just got two hot chocolates. I probably got one of your favorite pastries, though, so please help yourself."

"Y/N, love, I—"

That was ironic and you'd be a liar to say bile didn't rise up your throat. The beast inside you feels a tickle of rage, of amusement, but you were never that person; no, you'd wreak havoc if you wanted to because you certainly could, but is there anything more maddening than the paranoia found in silence and the impending outburst that just wouldn't come? Yeah, exactly.

So you keep up your perfected calm smile.

"Please make yourself at home," you say kindly, "I'm going to gather my things."

"Y/N, I—"

"Jaemin," you tilt your head without your expression faltering once, "Let's live a life where we exist far, far away from each other."

Without a word, you turn around to the direction of your room, packing up your things. All his gifts, be it the dresses he gave you or the promise rings he put on your fingers, are left on the bedside. Your framed pictures are gathered in one section of your bag, none left to remind him that you existed in his life. There's no way you're letting a man like him be reminded of you.

You chuckled — how sweetly love felt like, almost like being fucked by a knife. Not that you know what that feels like, but it seems like an appropriate thing to say.

So he found someone, huh.

You smile to yourself.

Good riddance.

Daaamn this sure hit close to home... like what he said about movies with happy endings? Pretty relatable tbh. I cried so much while reading and then the smut was * chef's kiss *

no, thank you

part of the Pride Universe

jaemin x fem reader

others: haechan (mentioned in jaemin’s thoughts but not present in the real plot)

genre: smut with plot, roommates au, mentions of university (jaemin is a med student), angst, fluff, very +18 tho

warnings: very! rough! smut! (brat taming, oral, masturbation, multiple orgasms, overstimulation, denial, slight degradation, restriction, manhandling, bath tub is one of the locations), short mentions of mlm (jaemin x haechan fwb in the past), yn comes off rude in the beginning but it’s necessary for character development, yn has an anxiety attack, angsty 

words: 11.3K

this is kinda good if I say so myself, yall have to read 👁️ if you don’t like mlm or memberxmember I promise it’s just a short bit of fluff/angst connecting it to Cute~ and that’s all lol, the plot is very jaeminxreader centered 

Jaemin has been told that he can’t say no to people. Yes, he will come to the party. Yes, he can help with the moving out. Yes, he can help you with Anatomy. Yes, that kind of anatomy as well. 

The only time Jaemin would say no is when people would ask if he’s busy or tired. No, I’m fine. No, everything is alright. 

Seguir leyendo

Daaaaaamn like, i feel for jaemin but sometimes i just wanna hit them in the head for being so dense like ugh i need more and i need it now

the way life goes — six(pt.2). (n.jm)

PAIRING: na jaemin x reader GENRE: smut, angst, fluff, college au WORD COUNT: 14.3k

SYNOPSIS: you finally get inside jaemin's mind. flashbacks in jaemin's point of view could change everything.

CHAPTER WARNINGS: (majority of this is a flashback chapter but then it continues with the present time in jaemin's pov), jaemin's thought process can come across as confusing and it will remain confusing, he goes through a lot of up and down moments, heavy mentions of panic attacks and anxiety, emotional and lost jaemin, the return of you know who, explicit content, unprotected sex, daddy kink, choking, light make-outs

A.N: i advise you to read six(pt.1) first. six will now come in three parts.

[series m.list]

— [𝐅𝐋𝐀𝐒𝐇𝐁𝐀𝐂𝐊 : 𝐒𝐄𝐗 𝐀𝐍𝐃 𝐄𝐌𝐎𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍𝐒]

Jaemin doesn’t know if you know, but he knows you’ve been avoiding him for almost a week. 

You’ve been acting weird since you came back from getting breakfast the other morning, refusing to meet his gaze and even blowing off the promised movie you’d both watch, going straight to bed for a nap with no spoken words. You told him you were tired, that you were too exhausted from sleeping on the sofa and that you just needed your bed, but he didn’t believe that. It was a weak excuse, but he didn’t want to question it, not when he could see you didn’t want to discuss anything further with him. He still followed you though, he even came to nap with you and held you tightly as you slept, just for comfort, just to let you know that he was there for you. 

It irks him a little that you didn’t tell him what was wrong that morning and now with you ignoring him like the plague, he was getting frustrated, maybe even a little annoyed. 

Truthfully, he was starting to get busy with his photography projects, one of his finals coming up soon that desperately needed to be done but he still tried to make time for you. He called you almost every night and, thankfully, you answered a few of them. But it wasn’t enough. It wasn’t a long phone call, lasting around 10-15 minutes, enough time to get the both of you off whenever you called each other horny. 

Other times he just wanted to talk. He wanted to ask about your day, about your assignments, wanting to know what you’re working on and if you’ve eaten already, but it never happened. Either the call would be cut short due to you yawning or the both of you being too sexually frustrated to hold a full conversation.

You both haven't slept with each other in a week and it’s fair to say that he’s a little desperate, but it's pushed aside by the intense curiosity on why you've been ignoring him. He won't admit that to you though. Not right now. He doesn't want to seem pushy in trying to get inside your head.

“Have you decided what you’re going to do for your final project?” He hears Junghoon ask from beside him and Jaemin shrugs his shoulders, not really caring about the final project this moment in time when he’s got his phone in his hands, bringing up your recent texts. Short and straight to the point, different from how you both usually text. His tongue prods his cheek in anger. “Trouble in paradise, huh?”

Jaemin raises his head and turns to look at Junghoon who’s a little too close to him, the deadpan expression on Jaemin’s face is enough for the latter to slowly move back in his chair, giving Jaemin his respected space with a gulp. He holds intense eye contact with Junghoon before bringing his attention back to his phone, thumbs vigorously tapping against the screen to send you a message.

jaemin: can u come over after classes today jaemin: i want to see u jaemin: i need to see u

you: what abt your photography projects you: i thought u will be busy all week too

jaemin: fuck that. jaemin: i want to be busy with you

you: idk jae..

jaemin: come jaemin: i mean it

“So… is there trouble in paradise?”

“You like to invade people's privacy a lot” Jaemin points out, shutting off his phone and shoving it inside his pocket as he side glances at Junghoon who seems a little offended at his jab. “You’re not good at giving people their personal space, are you?”

“I wouldn’t call it that” Junghoon frowns. “I’m just very intrigued and—”

“Nosey?”

Junghoon jumps straight in to attack, “My life is boring, okay? I’m living vicariously through you right now. You are sadly the only thing that’s entertaining in my life and you’re just going to have to deal with it”

Jaemin’s brows raise in amusement, the corner of his lips twitching as he tries to hide his smile and Junghoon huffs, finding defeat in the lack of Jaemin’s answer as he turns back to his computer, lip jutting out into a pout as he scrolls through his photography files.

This time, Jaemin smiles, hand moving over his mouse and watching the cursor glide across the screen. “There’s no trouble. We’ve just been too busy to see each other lately”

The sound of Junghoon’s chair scraping against the floor makes Jaemin chuckle, seeing Junghoon excitedly move closer in the corner of his eye, leaning on his elbow as he, yet again, invades Jaemin’s personal space but he holds back on any comments this time, allowing Junghoon to have his moment.

“Yeah?” Junghoon grins interestedly. “When was the last time you saw each other?”

“The day after Sunwoo and Yeeun’s party”

“That was almost a week ago” Junghoon gapes, his brows furrowing. Jaemin hums with a nod. “That’s tough… I mean, I’m not even with anyone, but if I wasn’t able to see my girlfriend for—“

“We’re not together” Jaemin cuts in and Junghoon blinks in surprise. “We’re just sleeping together”

“What?” Junghoon whisper-shouts, eyes wide as he leans closer to Jaemin. “With the way you guys were acting at the party, it seemed like you were more than ‘just sleeping together’”

“We’re exclusive” Jaemin adds. “Exclusive friends with benefits. That’s all it is”

“Did you become exclusive before or after that threeway kiss between her, Jeno and Miwoo had?” Junghoon teases, wiggling his brows at Jaemin who looks far less than impressed, narrowing his eyes at Junghoon and lips curling into a grimace to which the latter cackles at. “l’m kidding, dude. Relax…  But this ‘exclusive-friends-with-benefits’ must be pretty serious, huh? I mean… when you and Eunbin—“

“You’re getting a little too personal, Junghoon” Jaemin warns, giving Junghoon a look that makes him cower back slightly, instantly throwing up his hands to say he means no harm but Jaemin’s already triggered, no longer wanting to discuss the topic anymore.

“I didn’t mean it like that” Junghoon frowns apologetically. “I’m sorry, man…”

“It’s fine” Jaemin’s answer is short, lips pressing together in a tight line and Junghoon sighs, pushing his chair back into its original spot as he focusses back on his work, allowing himself to accept Jaemin’s blunt answer of ‘fine’. But it wasn’t fine. It never was fine. 

• • •

“Shit” Jaemin curses at himself, as he stares at the smallest of stains on his sweater from the two iced coffees he’s holding on a tray, having spilt some on himself as he tries to open the front door with his hands full. He manages to do it after a few failed attempts, choosing in using his elbow to push down the door handle and kick it open with his foot before using the same one to close it again, readjusting his camera in one hand and making sure the beverages are stable on the tray as he walks through the house.

He goes to head straight upstairs to wait for you but he comes to a halt when he hears your laugh coming from the kitchen. Jaemin didn’t expect you to be here so early and he can’t stop the smile that spreads across his lips from hearing your laugh, heading straight for the sound but stops in the kitchen doorway when he sees you accompanied by Jeno and Jeno holding your hand. 

His face twists in confusion, watching as Jeno squeezes your hand gently with the most reassuring smiles he has ever seen. His brows pull together as wonders on what Jeno’s reassuring you about, but the way you both laugh together as you pull your hand from Jeno’s and he chases it, that’s when Jaemin can’t help but clear his throat to grab the attention in the room.

Jaemin doesn’t take much notice of Jeno looking at him when he’s got you staring at him. His heart flutters slightly as you make eye contact with him, a weird feeling washing over him that almost makes him feel a little bit uncomfortable, but he decides to welcome it with open arms if it means he gets to be with you today. He’s missed you, more than he’d care to ever admit. He wants to talk to you, to finally ask about your day, to finally ask where you’ve been and how you’ve been holding up with your classes… but he wants to do it alone. He doesn’t want Jeno here.

Jeno, being the saint he is, understands the message Jaemin silently gives as he raises from his chair at the kitchen island, shoving his phone into the pocket of his sweatpants as he excuses himself, mumbling about how he was going to see Miwoo and Jaemin could almost kiss him right then and there as a thank you, but his gratitude slowly slips away when Jeno makes eye contact with him before dipping past, a quiet ‘you-need-to-talk’ type of look that leaves Jaemin even more confused than he already was coming in earlier.

It doesn’t take long for Jaemin to ask you to come upstairs to his room, muttering a small thank you as you open the door for him due to his hands being preoccupied and you even close it yourself which he’s thankful for again, carefully putting down his camera on his desk along with the coffee tray and handing one over to you, proudly showing the ‘iced toasted vanilla latte’ sticker thats plastered across the back for you to see.

You take it out of his grasp. “Thank you”

The corner of Jaemin’s lips turn into a frown as he realises you didn’t recognise he’s got you your favourite drink, feeling slightly defeated as his shoulders shrink, grabbing his own coffee with a small mutter of, “You’re welcome”.

It’s quiet between you and Jaemin, too quiet. It makes his head overcrowded with too many thoughts and questions, especially some regarding what was going on between you and Jeno downstairs. Was Jaemin jealous? Not exactly, he’d like to argue. He knows how close you and Jeno are. He knows that the two of you have been friends much longer than you have with any of the others… so it’s obvious you would be close. The threeway kiss he saw you, Jeno and Miwoo participate in at the party was definitely something that’s unable to escape his mind… but he knows you were all drunk. None of you were sober. It was just for fun.

So what exactly is the problem? He’s secretly nosey, for starters. He wants to know what you both were talking about earlier and, even though he doesn’t want to admit to it, he was confused on why Jeno was holding your hand and giving you reassurance… because what would you need reassurance about? It worries Jaemin a lot, he wants to be the one to reassure you. Is there something you’re hiding from him?

“What were you and Jeno talking about before I came in earlier?”

He doesn’t miss the way your eyes widen slightly before relaxing your shoulders. “It’s nothing important… He was just cheering me up, that’s all. My assignments are just getting to my head, they’re stressing me out a little”

Oh. Jaemin frowns at that, a ugly feeling settling in his chest at the thought of you being so stressed and worked up over your assignments, as he reaches his hand down to affectionately caress the back of your head, pushing you forwards carefully to lean down and press a chaste kiss to your forehead. Your frown matches his and he can’t help but feel as though there’s more than what you’re letting on, but he doesn’t want to stress you out anymore, he doesn’t want to see you be caught up in your worries.

“You work too hard, hm?” Jaemin coos in that voice he knows that you hate so much, but it makes you smile and his chest soars when he sees that exact smile creeping onto your face. “You need to chill out… your health is more important than some assignments”

“I know, but—”

“You’re smart and you know exactly what you’re doing” He cuts you off, not allowing you to make up any excuse. His hand resumes in caressing the back of your head, rings getting caught in your hair which you both snicker at, but he goes back into serious mode as he speaks, “Chill out with me today, okay? You can even nap on my bed if you want to… it’s all yours”

“All mine?”

“All yours”

• • •

Despite telling you to chill on his bed, Jaemin couldn’t exactly do that himself due to a photography project he had to work on. He did lay with you for a bit, trying to get you to talk about your day and what you’ve been doing since you’ve been so busy, but the one worded answers and the simple replies got under his skin a little. It seemed like you weren’t interested in having a conversation with him, to which he blamed you being so stressed over your assignments and potentially too tired. He yearned for you to talk to him, to tell him everything that's going on inside of your head and that he could help you… but with the lack of communication, Jaemin gave up.

He sits at his desk, the sound of him clicking his mouse and sighing to himself about mistakes being the only noises that break the silence you’re both stuck in. He glances over his shoulder a few times during his work, seeing you rotate between sipping the last remains of your drink, playing games on your phone and laying against the pillows while staring up at his ceiling mindlessly. Jaemin even looks up at the ceiling, wondering what’s so fascinating about his white ceiling that you can’t even find the words to talk to him. 

It doesn’t take long for Jaemin to crack, pausing his work to swivel around in his chair to face you, the quietness and the lack of talking becoming too much for him to handle. He feels frustrated, horny, annoyed, maybe even a little upset.

“Okay, what’s going on?” He breaks the silence as he stands, abandoning his project as he makes his way over to you on the bed. You still don’t look at him which he sighs at, standing in between your legs that hang off the edge of the bed, his hands touch your thighs, kneading and groping the skin. His gaze turns hard as he looks down at you. “You’ve been weird this past week and there’s no point in trying to deny it either… I know you. What’s been going on?”

“Nothing” You mumble to him distractingly, eyes dazed. “I’m just tired”

“Do you expect me to really believe that?” He quirks his brow, tuting with a shake of his head as his hands grope your thighs harder, thumbs pushing into the flesh. “You think I haven’t noticed you actively avoiding me?”

“W-what?! No, I—” You stutter immediately, struggling to find the right words. He’s got you. So you have been avoiding him on purpose. “Jae, I—”

“I just want to play with you” His voice whines, his bottom lip jutting out into a pout at the thought of you avoiding him all this time. He feels annoyed and a little taken back, but with how horny he’s been feeling and seeing you stare up at him the way you are, he lets his annoyance slip away. You whisper his name, but he hardly pays any attention as he speaks again, “How am I supposed to play with you if you keep avoiding me and hiding from me, hm? That’s not nice… is it, baby?”

“No” You shake your head, your own arousal pooling in your eyes and Jaemin fights the urge to grin at how turned on you are right now.

“Can I play with you now?” He asks and you’re quick to nod your head, just as desperate as he is. “Then open your legs for me, baby”

The way you open your legs to invite him in makes Jaemin grin wickedly, gripping your thighs tight in his grasp as he pulls you down the bed. He grunts softly when the bulge in his shorts presses against you, his teeth digging into his bottom lip when he feels you lift your hips to rub yourself over his covered cock, the grin on his face widening. You’re so desperate for him… it’s cute.

You lean up on your elbows but Jaemin is quick to push your back down as he crawls on top, hovering over you with a tilt of his head. Something stirs inside of him as he sees the expression on your face, eyes wide and needy, mouth parting with small gasps escaping your lips. It’s something he’s felt before when he was with Eunbin, but it was always pushed to the side, something he couldn’t explore further into… but he would be willing to dive further if you were up for it too.

He swats your hand away when you try to touch his face and you obey, resting your hand at your sides despite him feeling the way your hips continue to rub against his. He sighs at your reaction with a tut, running his hand up your body and over your chest, ghosting over your neck.

“Look at you… so desperate” He rasps, tracing his index finger over your throat carefully, watching your reactions for any uncertainty or hesitations. Seeing none, Jaemin’s even more careful when he decides to wrap his hand around your throat, waiting for you to pull away at any moment but you melt into his grasp with a gasp. The corner of his lips twitch excitedly and he adds slight pressure, feeling you gulp beneath his touch.

He forgets for a few moments about the rings on his fingers hurting you and he panics, getting ready to move his hand away and get rid of the rings until he hears you moan. A pathetic sounding high pitched moan that sends his head into a frenzy. His mouth drops open in shock, never having heard that sound come from you before but he regains himself, shutting his mouth as he wants nothing more than to have you make that noise again.

“Baby, I’ll give you everything you want…” Jaemin says as he presses his thumb against the side of your throat, his hips beginning to rut against yours. He hesitates before he says his next words, but he wants to test the waters with you. “There’s no need to be a bratty little bitch”

“Fuck” He hears you moan out and he feels giddy, trying his hardest not to break character to giggle. He watches as your fingers curl around his necklace to drag him down, puckering your lips to press them against Jaemin’s but he’s quick to pull back, to keep a distance between you both.

“Apologise first” He says with a smirk, glancing down at your lips that press together tightly. “Apologise, and I’ll give it to you”

“I’m sorry”

His heart warms at that, fighting the urge to actually smile at your apology. He was hurt with you avoiding him, even though you must’ve had your real reasons that Jaemin will wait for you to feel comfortable enough to tell him, but he was still hurt.

“Sorry what?” Jaemin presses, wanting to go over the line and see if you’d be comfortable enough in delving deep in one of his fantasies. You’re quiet now, which makes Jaemin a little nervous. He doesn’t want to push you too far nor does he want to make you uncomfortable. He briefly remembers a conversation with you, how the two of you should be open with your kinks and fantasies and should at least try anything once.

He can see the cogs turn in your head as you figure out exactly what he wants you to say. You don’t show any disgust or hesitancy. You’re breathings laboured and Jaemin can still feel you gently humping his leg like a bitch in heat. He smiles at that.

“Baby…” He calls out tauntingly, adding extra pressure to the grip he has around your neck and you whine. “Are you going to say it?”

“I’m sorry…” You whimper quietly, your fingers tugging at his necklace again to pull him closer and Jaemin obliges, nodding his head, so eager for you to mutter that word. “Daddy”

Fuck. He’s done for. “That’s my good girl”

• • •

“I’ve got you, I’ve got you” Jaemin mutters in your ears as his arms slip under your body to hold you to his chest securely. He feels terrible when your face screws up in pain from the soreness that spreads through your body and he presses his lips to your temple as he lifts you up from his bed, cooing in your ear at your whining. He’s careful as he carries you into the bathroom, the activities from a few moments before taking a toll on his own body but he pushes it to the side to focus on you.

He’s gentle when he sits you down on the bathroom counter, leaving you for a brief moment to run the water to fill up the bathtub. Jaemin comes back to stand in between your thighs, grabbing the packet of wet wipes from the side and pulling a few sheets out and leaving them on the side for use.

Jaemin cups your face as he gently wipes at the mascara that has smudged around your eyes, face full of concentration as he’s careful not to poke and prod at any sensitive areas or even accidentally jab your eye. He’s seen this done by Jeno multiple times for Miwoo and he’s glad he’s taken some mental notes otherwise he’s sure he would’ve messed up horribly by now. He mutters a quiet apology as he sees you wince when his thigh accidentally knocks against yours, creating too much movement in your legs which you’ve voiced how sore they are.

His hands drop down to your thighs to massage the aches and pains, watching your face intently for any show of discomfort but you’re smiling at him thankfully, head drooping low from tiredness but he makes a noise of disapproval, shaking his own head as he cups your face.

“Can you stay awake a little longer for me?” His voice is quieter than usual and it startles him slightly, feeling that unusual but familiar sinking feeling in his chest, but he ignores it to focus his attention more on you.

“Okay” You simply answer with a murmur, nodding your head. Jaemin whispers a thank you as he presses a soft smooch to your lips, pulling back before he could even allow himself to get carried away in the feeling of your lips. He sees you trying to sway him back in but a nose of protest rumbles from his chest, shaking his head as he silently tells you no. You oblige with a pout but the smile soon comes back when Jaemin gently pushes his forehead against yours.

He moves back to briefly kiss your temple, arms slipping around your body to haul you off of the bathroom counter to help you into the bath, squeezing himself in behind you and resting your back against his chest comfortably.

Jaemin takes his time washing you, his hands light and careful whenever he touches your body, scrubbing you clean with your favourite scented soap that he kept in his bathroom. He coos in your ear when he reaches in between your thighs, cleaning away yours and his cum that sticks to your skin and even when you flinch away in pain, he calms you down, humming softly to distract you from the aches and pains. 

That sinking feeling in his chest gets deeper, his head beginning to swirl with unspeakable thoughts and he finds it a little hard to breathe now, the anxiety that's slowly rising within him getting worse and Jaemin finishes cleaning you up before cleaning himself as quick as possible, soaping up his body and washing it away while trying to keep you awake, wanting you to be in bed to get a good night's sleep.

Jaemin climbs out of the bath first, grabbing a towel to secure around his waist before helping you out, covering your body in the most comfiest of towels and guiding you back into his bedroom. It doesn’t take Jaemin too long to dry your body, even trying his best to tie your hair out of your face, getting frustrated at the little baby hairs that slip out from the hair tie but he leaves it, dressing you in one of his old shirts and allowing you to get comfy under the covers with small comforting pats on your back.

You fall asleep in a matter of seconds which always seems to impress Jaemin, watching your chest rise and fall with slow and steady breaths. He, admittedly, finds you beautiful like this, bare faced and at peace in his bed. His fingers reach up to trace across your delicate features, smoothing over your eyebrows and eyelids, over your nose and across your lips. He turns his hand over to brush his knuckles over your cheek and down your jaw but he retracts when you shift in your sleep and yet again, that sinking feeling. That dark, deep sinking feeling is back again.

Jaemin shuffles back from you and off the bed to grab a fresh pair of boxers out of his drawers, pulling them up his legs and resting low on his hips, breathing in through his nose and out through his mouth, fighting off the heavy weighted thoughts that rest in the back of his mind. He collapses down at the edge of the bed with a huff, blunt nails pinching at his thighs to regain control of himself, trying his hardest to listen to the rain that pelts heavily against his window along with your steady breathing. It works for a little, his hands leaving his thighs to come together, mindlessly fiddling with the rings as he now stares out past his drawn blackout curtains, dark and gloomy grey skies staring back at him.

Something pulls at his chest again and drops low into his stomach, but it’s different this time, because he feels nothing but everything all at once. His body feels so foreign to him and he even slowly glances down at his hands, flexing his fingers to make sure all ten digits are intact and that he’s conscious. You have more or less fingers when you’re lucid dreaming, he reminds himself. He slowly raises his hand and places it on his chest, above his heart. You’re still beating. 

If everything was working normally, why does he feel so shitty? Why does he feel so empty and lost? The sex wasn’t bad, it was the best sex he’s had in awhile and he was thankful you were open to indulge in one of his fantasies. He enjoyed it and most importantly to him, you enjoyed it… so what was wrong with him? Jaemin sighs in frustration, rubbing his face tiredly as he pushes himself off the bed to walk over to his mini fridge beneath his desk to grab a bottle of water, unscrewing the cap and taking a few hefty gulps, the coldness soothing his tight throat.

His eyes look around the room, to his computer, to the polaroid picture, to the bed, to you, to the ring sitting on his bedside table. To that ring. 

He stares at the dainty jewellery for a while longer as he gulps more water, finishing the bottle in seconds before his bare feet drag across the floorboards to his the item in question, carefully picking it up and examining it between his two fingers. His lips form in a straight line. Nothing. There’s absolutely nothing going on inside his head right now. It worries him a lot, knowing that every time he even spared a glance at the ring, there would be images popping up inside his head, past conversations echoing in his ears, dread and hurt filling his stomach.

It makes him sick.

“Jaemin?” He hears you groggily call out his name from beneath his blanket and he hears you shuffle around, undoubtedly looking for him. Your voice brings him comfort and it drags him back to reality, the thoughts that begin to overcrowd his mind disappear as fast as they came. He can breathe again.

“Yeah?”

“What are you doing?” He doesn’t answer at first, instead he swallows thickly and closes his fist around the ring with a shaky breath, reaching down to rip open his bedside drawer and throw the ring inside, slamming it shut with a loud thump that has his ears ringing. Jaemin winces at the noise, hoping he didn’t affect your ears as much as it did his. 

He’s quiet climbing beside you in bed, crawling beneath the covers and resting his head on the pillow, turning to stare straight at you. Despite the only light in the room being the moonlight seeping through the gap in his curtain, he can see the curiosity and wonder pooling in your iris, a question laying on the tip of your tongue that he’s internally begging you not to ask yet. He’s not ready… and he’s worried about that. Will he ever be ready?

Jaemin exhales deeply, feeling the stress lift away from his body as his hand comes down to touch your cheek delicately, tracing over the skin before he messily tucks a strand of hair behind your ears, keeping it out of your face and away from your ears. His fingers come around to play with the ear that dangles prettily from your ears, smiling to himself when he realises you’ve forgotten to take it off before bed.

His eyes dart down to your lips, licking over his own just as he leans forward, caving into his urges of giving you a kiss, a kiss so gentle and soft that it makes Jaemin’s neck feel hot, especially with how your hand cups his face to keep him in place, holding him so carefully in the palm of your hands. It makes Jaemin’s heart melt.

He’s really missed you… and he hopes you missed him too.

— [𝐅𝐋𝐀𝐒𝐇𝐁𝐀𝐂𝐊 : 𝐉𝐄𝐍𝐎]

“Are you alright?” Jeno asks cautiously as he looks up from his phone, watching Jaemin mindlessly swirl the spoon around in his cereal, not paying attention to the milk that spills over the edge. “Jae?”

Jaemin hums, turning his head to Jeno who’s pointing at the mess and Jaemin’s gaze drops down, curses under his breath as he quickly grabs a napkin to wipe away the spillage, throwing the wet paper into the trash with a huff.

Jeno’s brows furrow worryingly, curious to what’s going on inside of Jaemin’s head as he shuts off his phone, leaning his arms on the kitchen table in front of him, giving Jaemin his full attention.

“Dude, what’s going on?”

“Nothing” He immediately answers, but his eyes shut in defeat as he realises that this is Jeno he’s talking to, knowing that he’s not the type to drop the subject so quickly. It’s been a few days since you came over and the feeling he experienced after having sex with you hasn’t fully disappeared, it’s been lingering on his mind ever since and eating him alive, along with the ring that’s locked away in his bedside drawer. “It’s hard to explain”

Jeno gets comfortable in his seat, offering Jaemin a gentle smile. “Try”

“I, uh—” Jaemin’s clears his throat. “I had sex with Y/N the other day, the day you guys were talking in here before I came home, and I… I don’t know, it was pretty intense, I guess. We dove into something for the first time and I think I lost myself for a while, things felt weird—I felt weird… emotionally”

"Postcoital Dysphoria"

Jaemin’s face turns blank, not understanding a word that came out of Jeno’s mouth. “What?”

Jeno chuckles, the corner of his lips twitching upwards in amusement. “It’s postcoital dysphoria. I’ve experienced it a few times with Miwoo when we had sex. It’s just something that sometimes happens when having good, intense sex… It’s normal, dude. You don’t have to worry about it, you’re fine”

“I am?” Jaemin questions and when Jeno laughs at his response, Jaemin’s face drops into another blank expression which has Jeno laughing even harder than before. “Jeno, come on, I’m serious”

“I’m serious too” Jeno grins, “You’re fine. Your mood just drops after using so much emotion and stuff when having sex. Trust me, I’ve been there. I’ve freaked out too wondering if something was wrong with me but it’s normal” Jeno pauses for a moment, the grin dropping from his face as he looks warily over at Jaemin. “Although, If you’re experiencing that a lot then maybe you should talk to—”

“It’s only happened once” Jaemin is quick to add in, watching as Jeno’s shoulders drop in relief. Jaemin purses his lips slightly, feeling his own relief weight off of his body knowing that everything was okay. “Thank you, by the way… for telling me about that”

“No problem” Jeno dismisses with a shake of his hand. “I’ve been there with Miwoo”

“Yeah?” Jaemin’s brow raises slightly, remembering Jeno even admitted to that earlier. “Where is Miwoo anyway? Doesn’t she usually come over earlier on Thursdays?”

Jaemin instantly notices that Jeno’s tongue prods against his cheek in annoyance and Jaemin takes this as a sign to sit down, pushing his bowl of cereal to the side as he looks at Jeno worryingly. The relationship Miwoo and Jeno have has always been complicated, even to Jaemin. They bicker a lot but they always make up at the end of the night. The dents on Jeno’s bedroom wall from his headboard can prove that. They don’t stay angry at each other for too long, and even when Jeno comes to Jaemin for his support and thoughts, he’s never been this annoyed… or upset.

“We’re on a break, for real this time” Jeno mumbles, making Jaemin frown at this new information. “We had this stupid argument on Tuesday after our date, about how I wanted to dye my hair blue for fun and she said no, so we bickered about that… but it turned into something bigger”

Jaemin dares to ask, “How big?”

“Very” Jeno sighs, rubbing his face and running his fingers through his growing mullet sadly. “I’ve been stressed these past few days about college and some other stuff that’s been going on in my head. My professor has been wanting me and my group partner, Jungwoo, to come up with these designs that have been burning me out and… I don’t know, I talked to Miwoo about it and I guess I just wanted some comfort and advice from her, but she just brushed it to the side and tried to sleep with me instead to make me feel better that way… I didn’t want that”

“So it caused an argument between you two?”

“Yeah” Jeno nods, raising his eyes to look at Jaemin with a saddened expression. “I said some things I regret, really regret. I called her selfish and inconsiderate of my feelings… I was angry. I didn’t mean it”

“I mean…” Jaemin exhales deeply, twiddling with his thumbs as he tries to find the right words to say. “As much as that girl tests me, she’s not selfish… sure, she can be a little inconsiderate sometimes, but I know Miwoo well enough to say that she probably wanted to sleep with you during that moment because that’s the only way she knows how to make you feel better”

Jeno’s brows furrow at that, “Ouch?”

“We both know it’s the truth” Jaemin shrugs. “Look, dude, you and Miwoo have been together for longer than I can remember and you’ve always resolved any problems or issues with sleeping together… You don’t talk. You don’t communicate with each other because, let’s face it, fucking is so much easier than talking. But maybe that’s what you need, you know? You need to just… talk”

Jaemin’s voice quietens down as his own words sink in, realising how much he needs to hear this himself. He needs to talk to you. He needs to be honest instead of using sex as a way to escape. He slumps back into his seat, biting down harshly on his inner cheek, anxiously picking at the skin around his fingernails as the words settle. He needs to talk to you.

The thought about opening up sounds scary to him, that uncomfortable feeling settling in the pit of his belly when he realises talking to you about his past will open up mending wounds. He tries to convince himself that maybe opening up to you about his relationship with Eunbin will help him heal… but there’s always that little voice of doubt in the back of his head that tells him it will all go terribly wrong.

“You good over there?” Jeno asks with a slight teasing tone and Jaemin meets his eyes, nodding his head briefly. “You sure?”

“Yeah, yeah, I’m fine” Jaemin gives him a tight lipped smile as his hand reaches into his pocket to retrieve his phone. Jeno watches as Jaemin’s thumbs tap against the screen, pulling up your contact and clicking the call icon, bringing the phone to his ear.

Jaemin’s bottom lip gets caught between his teeth, biting down on the skin nervously as he listens to the phone ring, wondering if you’re even awake or busy but his thoughts are soon answered when the ringing stops and your voice comes through.

“Hello?”

“Get dressed. I’m coming to get you in five minutes” He immediately gets into it, trying to calm his rapidly beating heart, the sound echoing in his ears with each heavy thud.

“What?” Your confusion is clear, it makes him smile a little. “What are you talking about?”

“I want to see you. I’m also thirsty so I’m taking us to get some coffee or something… my treat” His eyes darts towards Jeno who's still watching him with a smile, resting his chin on the palm of his hand. “Just me and you. Get dressed”

“Okay, okay” He hears you laugh. “I’m hanging up”

“See you soon, baby” Jaemin lets out a shaky breath when you hang up, staring down at your contact for a little while before shoving his phone into his pocket. “Stop staring at me”

“Sorry” Jeno grins cheekily. “Just admiring the view”

— [𝐅𝐋𝐀𝐒𝐇𝐁𝐀𝐂𝐊 : 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐓𝐑𝐔𝐓𝐇 𝐀𝐍𝐃 𝐎𝐏𝐄𝐍 𝐖𝐎𝐔𝐍𝐃𝐒]

During the entire trip to the café, Jaemin had completely forgotten about the reason why he called you in the first place, to focus on the peaceful conversation he was having with you and how you practically floated to the counter filled with pastries and cakes once you both walked inside.

He doesn’t blame you, the smell of coffee and baked goods is overwhelming, but he still laughs when he sees your fingers press against the glass cabinet where the desserts were showcased, his own hand raising to the back of your head and cooing at your behaviour to which you simply ignore.

“Welcome to 7 Dream Café” Jisung greets with little to no enthusiasm, clearly tired of having to use the same greeting over and over again whenever someone comes to the counter. “Can I take your order?”

“Do you have to say that every time we come here?” Jaemin asks, eyebrows raising in amusement.

“Sadly” Jisung mutters angrily, adjusting the dark blue pinny around his waist. “Apparently it’s a good look for the company to greet customers with the cafe’s name, makes it look like we’re professionals and all that shit”

“Did they say that or Chenle?”

Jisung pauses, blinks and his lips curl into a grimace. “Chenle”

“He’s probably fucking around with you” You tell him once your attention is brought away from the cakes. “Where is that little gremlin anyways?”

“Out the back teaching the new girl how to decorate the cakes. He nearly dumped a whole bowl of frosting over her head when she fucked up his flower design” Jisung snorts, not bothering to hide is amusement as he wipes the fake tears under his eyes.

“You seem way to happy about that” 

“I’m just glad it’s not me this time” Jisung grins happily as fingers tap against the touchscreen of the cash register at the most expert pace, briefly looking up at Jaemin. “You want your usual, yeah?”

Jaemin hums and nods his head, reaching for his card before tapping it against the glass cabinet. “And throw in two of those little cupcakes that she’s been eyeing up since we got here”

“Gotcha”

“Hey!”

Jaemin shushes you by pressing his finger to your lips, shaking his head with a smile before ordering you to go find a seat while he pays. You comply with slight hesitation and he watches as you head towards a table at the back before Jisung hands over the drinks. He taps his card against the reader before grabbing the drinks and following behind you, setting them down on the table as he sits opposite you.

He thanks Jisung once he comes over with the cakes before scurrying off to serve another customer and Jaemin grabs the fork, twirling it around his fingers as he examines the treat, deciding to cut off a corner piece and holding it out towards you to try first. The smile lingers on his face a little longer when he sees you beam and lean forwards to wrap your lips around the fork for the cake, humming in delight at the taste.

Jaemin brings the fork to his lips to suck off the remaining cream, keeping his eyes on you as he waits for your approval.

“Holy shit” He snickers at that and cuts off his own piece to try, only to widen his eyes in surprise at the taste that hits his tongue. He wasn’t a huge fan of cake, but the red velvet taste that hits his taste buds almost makes him change his mind completely. You grin at him from across the table. “It’s good, right? I’ve never tasted anything more delicious in my life”

“Eh…” Jaemin shrugs his shoulders as he takes in your form, eyes dipping low suggestively before a smirk appears on his lips, his mind overcrowded with the dirtiest thoughts and images. “I’ve tasted better”

• • •

“You know, you never told me about you”

Jaemin raises his head to glance at you across the table, brow lifting in curiosity at your words. “What do you mean?”

“About you… and Eunbin” There it was. The reason why he’s called you here in the first place. A sour taste forms in his mouth at the familiar name, tongue poking at his cheek, irritated at the thoughts and the feelings that come rushing back almost instantly.

His fingers tighten around his cup, the plastic crinkling beneath the force and he places it down before any damage could be done. He can tell you looking at him warily without even taking a peek at you and he breathes heavily through his nose.

“It’s just I’ve heard so much about her, you know? And I’ve heard how people talk about her…” You continue much to Jaemin’s dismay. “She seems really… sweet? I guess? It just makes me wonder what the hell happened between you both”

Jaemin looks up at you this time, fully regretting wanting to talk to you as he feels his stomach twist and churn uncomfortably. “Y/N—”

“Look, I’m sorry for bringing it up. Everyone knows her apart from me and It’s frustrating because I told you everything about me and my past relationship with Eric… I guess I kinda been hoping that you’d open up at some point and tell me about yours too, but you never did”

Just tell her. That voice speaks in the back of his head. He knows a great part of him wants to lay it all out on the table, to explain his relationship with Eunbin and how the breakup made him feel. But there’s another side of him that’s desperate to keep him quiet, to not let you in on his deepest thoughts and feelings, to not let you know how broken Eunbin had truly made him. 

Yet, you make him comfortable. He’s been sharing parts of him with you that he hasn’t shared in a long time. He relaxes around you, allows his body to melt into the comfort of your arms or even your presence. But still, the thought of telling you about Eunbin makes his heart feel as though it’s twisting uncomfortably in his chest and that his stomach is being repeatedly punched. 

Maybe he should just rip the bandaid off. Like he told Jeno, talking is important. People need to talk no matter how difficult of a conversation it could be… communication is key.

His teeth gnaw nervously at his bottom lip, sweaty palms rubbing against his thighs as he exhales deeply, leaning back in the chair as his head slowly begins to nod, folding his hands in his lap to prevent himself from shaking, “Okay. I’ll tell you about her”

You meet his eyes across the table in shock, “You will?”

“Eunbin and I were together for two years” He jumps straight into it before he allows himself to back out at the last second, fingernails digging into the back of his hands as you lean forwards to listen intently. “She worked part-time in this art store downtown so we would bump into each other every now and then when I needed to buy a new camera or a new scrapbook to put my photos in… I found her breathtaking. She was beautiful to look at and I plucked up the courage to ask her to be a model for one of my photography projects, and she said she would agree only if I allowed her to draw me for one of her art projects… so, we made a deal”

The way you’re smiling makes him feel sick, but he couldn’t stop himself from talking, the words pouring out.

“She was… god, she was like a breath of fresh air, you know? She never cared about what other people thought of her, she was just living her life to the fullest with no worries or regrets. She was constantly happy and I think that’s what made her so attractive and kinda perfect to me…” 

This is where Jaemin pauses, throat becoming dry and eyes beginning to sting as he realises what he’s about to say next. His heart thumps, his stomach churns and he’s afraid he’s about to have a panic attack, but he swallows everything down as he sees you looking at him with concern and he breathes steadily through his nose.

“Eunbin, she, uh… she got accepted into this art school that she desperately wanted to get in and worked hard for. She would continuously be all up day and night creating different art pieces to send off. I was happy for her, you know, her art is fucking gorgeous” Jaemin can’t help but praise, a faint smile spread across his lips as he remembers how proud he was. She is a really good artist. He rubs the sleeve of his shirt across his nose when he begins to sniffle, trying his best to contain his emotions that are daring to slip. “But the art school… The art school wasn’t here. which I didn’t realise at first. It was in New York. It was in fucking New York and she took it without any hesitations, not caring about anything else even though we talked about it. She said that the art school was the most important and meaningful thing to her, and that nothing else mattered… and she just, she—”

He hears you sigh, “Eunbin left you”

“Yeah, she left me” Jaemin drops his gaze to the table, refusing to look at you as his eyes gloss over. “I was proud of her, I always was. I admired her for working towards her dream and doing whatever she had to do to get to that dream… but I didn’t think she would leave me so easily for it, you know? She slept with me, I woke up and she was gone. Her and her stuff. Gone”

“Jaemin…” You say his name softly. “I’m so sorry”

He didn’t answer you, he couldn’t, too wrapped up in his own head as the images of him waking up alone in a cold bed flashes through his mind, all of Eunbin’s belongings gone apart from the ring she had left for him on the bedside table with a note: ‘𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘰 𝘳𝘦𝘮𝘦𝘮𝘣𝘦𝘳 𝘮𝘦 𝘣𝘺 — 𝘦’. He had crumpled up the note and threw it in the trash, and didn't even touch the ring for months.

He hated her, all of his sadness and betrayal turning to anger and hatred, blocking her number and deleting all photos he had of her, ripping the ones he printed from his camera. He turned into a lost cause, using alcohol and drugs to cope, even tried sleeping with other women to get his mind off of her but it never worked, he was still picturing her face and hearing her name. Jaemin would’ve been stuck in his rut if it wasn’t for Jeno who pulled him out of it before it got even worse, sticking by his side and making sure that he was okay. 

He’s forever grateful to Jeno. He appreciates Jeno deeply.

The sound of a chair scraping against the floor and your body heat engulfing Jaemin is enough to bring him out of his head, his own arms winding around your waist, head burying in the crevice of your neck as he melts into your embrace, allowing you to comfort him with soothing strokes on the back of his head. 

He holds you tight, fingers gripping your shirt in fear that you’d suddenly disappear from him too after opening up to you about Eunbin, but he feels you reassure him when you squeeze him back. You’re not going anywhere, he reminds himself, trying to steady his erratic heartbeat. You’re not leaving. 

— [𝐅𝐋𝐀𝐒𝐇𝐁𝐀𝐂𝐊 : 𝐁𝐑𝐎𝐒 𝐁𝐄𝐅𝐎𝐑𝐄… 𝐀𝐍𝐘𝐎𝐍𝐄 𝐄𝐋𝐒𝐄]

“Are you sure you don’t want to come inside?” You ask him softly as he reaches your apartment building, your hand gently tugging on his to try and coax him in. “You came all this way…”

“I just wanted to walk you home” Jaemin speaks quietly, giving you a tight lipped smile as your eyes meet his. Truthfully, he didn’t want to come inside. He didn’t want to be around anyone. He wanted to be alone at home in his room after the day he’s had, feeling drained from the conversation prior. 

Jaemin wasn’t ready to have any more conversations or even discussions about anything, he just wanted to rest even though he knew deep down that if he walked with you into your apartment, you would allow him to rest in your bed for as long as he needed… but he didn’t want that, not right now. He needed to be home. 

He sees how reluctant you are to let him leave but you respect his wishes with a quick nod of your head before wrapping him up in your arms. He exhales deeply as he hugs you back, relaxing at the way your fingers massage the middle of his spine but pulls away before he allows himself to get too comfortable, ducking his head low to leave a simple kiss on your lips before turning on his heel, desperate to make his way back home without any other word.

Walking into the empty house is a lot worse than Jaemin anticipated, the silence making him feel uncomfortable to the point he had to turn on his computer to play music in the background so the silence wouldn’t be too much for him. 

He didn’t know where the others were, but he was thankful to not have them around so he didn’t have to talk anymore, allowing himself to sit on the edge of the bed with his head in his hands, trying his hardest to focus on the music and not let any thoughts of Eunbin enter his mind.

A part of him was thankful he opened up to you, to let you know what was going on inside his head, how bad the breakup had affected him and his mental health, but the other part of him hated himself for reopening up healing wounds, a fear that maybe he was never going to physically recover from the heartbreak and memories. 

The waterworks start before Jaemin can even register what's happening, cheeks wet with salty tears and nose blocked. He’s unable to regulate his breathing, the heel of his palm rubbing vigorously against his chest as he tries to breathe steadily through his nose and out through his mouth but fails due to the choked sobs that leave his lips. 

His other hand that rests on top of his head fists his hair at the roots and tugs, the pain that soars through his skull bringing him back to his senses and the tears stop, the heavy weight on his chest and the tightness of his throat withering away into nothing. He can finally breathe again and he drops both hands to his lap, staring emotionlessly at the floor as he takes big deep breaths of air, allowing the oxygen to settle in his lungs.

He sits alone for quite some time, not bothering to move a muscle as his mind empties, numbing himself out completely, but his head perks up slightly when he hears the front door open and slam shut, heaving footsteps bounding up the staircase, loud enough to be heard over the music. Jaemin cranes his neck over his shoulder just in time to see his bedroom swing open to reveal a panicked and worried looking Jeno standing in the doorway, bangs sweatily sticking to his forehead, chest heaving rapidly.

Jaemin’s brows pull together in confusion when he sees Jeno’s shoulders drop in relief at the sight of him, stepping inside the bedroom and closing the door behind himself with a sigh.

“What was that about?” Jaemin asks in slight amusement, rubbing the sleeve of his shirt against his nose with a quick sniffle, hoping the redness of his eyes has faded away.

“She told me everything, about how you two talked about—” Jeno pants too heavily to continue, waving his hands around comically before plopping himself down beside Jaemin on the bed, elbows resting on his knees as he tries to catch his breath. Jeno makes zero sense to Jaemin right now and he cocks his head to the side, trying to figure out what the hell Jeno was talking about until it slowly sinks in. You must’ve told Jeno what happened. You must’ve told Jeno that he opened up about Eunbin and Jeno got worried.

Jaemin swallows thickly, unable to look at Jeno. “I’m fi—”

“You don’t have to lie to me” Jeno cuts him off almost immediately, raising his head to stare at him with a hard look. “Don’t lie to me”

Jaemin blinks, cheeks flushed, “I will be fine”

Jeno doesn’t seem convinced but he slowly nods his head in understanding, placing a comforting hand on Jaemin’s back and Jaemin reels away from the touch before allowing himself to relax, letting Jeno be the comfort that he needs.

It doesn’t take long for the tears to start swelling in Jaemin’s eyes once again and a frustrated groan leaves his lips, tilting his head back to try and suck the tears back in but his miserable attempts fail him.

Jeno smiles sadly as he cups the back of Jaemin’s neck to drag him into his tight embrace, one hand patting the back of his head soothingly while the other wraps around his middle. He waits for Jaemin to fight back, to rip himself out of his arms and say how he doesn’t need to be comforted like this, knowing how uncomfortable he gets sometimes with too much physical contact. But Jeno’s surprised when he feels Jaemin’s body slump forward in his hold, fingers gripping the back of Jeno’s hoodie as his shoulders shake with quiet sobs.

— [𝐅𝐋𝐀𝐒𝐇𝐁𝐀𝐂𝐊 : 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐑𝐄𝐓𝐔𝐑𝐍]

It was the morning after Jaemin’s breakdown and to be honest, he struggles to look Jeno in his eyes after crying in his arms for about an hour straight. He feels awkward, maybe even a little embarrassed even though Jeno is the only person that has seen all sides to Jaemin and is always quick to reassure him that everything is fine, and that it’s normal to be comforted when things go wrong or even when he’s upset.

“Are you seriously not going to look me in my eyes right now?” Jeno teases as the pair stand next to each other in the bathroom. Jaemin brushes his teeth quietly, keeping his eyes glued on his reflection in the mirror, trying not to feel hot under Jeno’s gaze. “I’ve seen you ass naked multiple times and you’ve acted fine, yet you can’t look at me after you’ve cried?”

“Shut up” Jaemin grumbles between a mouthful of toothpaste, unable to fight off the grin that creeps onto his face when Jeno bumps his shoulder with his. “Stop it”

“Okay” Jeno snorts as he puts down his own toothbrush, wiping the remaining paste away with a towel before grabbing the can of deodorant from the counter. “Me, Yangyang and Donghyuck got an early class today but we both finish around 10. We’re thinking of getting some breakfast later with the others if you want to join”

“Maybe” Jaemin hums.

“Can you hurry the fuck up?!” Donghyuck yells as he bursts through the bathroom door in an oversized puffer jacket and a knitted beanie on top of his head. “I got Mark blowing up my phone asking why me and Yangyang are taking so long—that Canadian fuck has his notes written on my laptop and he’s not shutting up about it!”

“Why did you let him use your laptop?” Jeno questions.

Donghyuck blinks, “I smashed his on accident”

“It wasn’t an accident” Yangyang corrects as he peers over Donghyuck’s shoulders, lips spreading into a grin. “Donghyuck got bratty when he wasn’t getting attention”

“It’s Mark’s fault!!” Donghyuck argues back angrily, huffing as Jeno pushes against his chest to usher him out of the bathroom, bidding Jaemin a quick goodbye as the trio leaves for the morning. 

Jaemin’s left alone once again, not really knowing where Shotaro and Renjun disappeared early hours this morning but he wasn’t complaining, he had the whole morning to himself before he potentially had to meet up with the others if he wanted to go for breakfast. He wasn’t certain if he even wanted to go, he didn’t really feel hungry and he wasn’t exactly up for any company, but the second his phone pinged with your name flashing across the screen from an upcoming message, he was eager to see what you needed.

you: hey you: i don't have classes today :) you: do you wanna do smth with me

His eyes widen slightly, not even thinking twice as he glides out of the bathroom into his bedroom, leaving his phone open on his desk while he rummages through his closet to find something warm to wear. I won’t answer, He thinks to himself, I won’t answer but I’ll show up at your door as a surprise. 

He pulls out a clean hoodie from its clothing hanger, letting the plastic drop to the ground as he shoves his arms through the sleeves and the hoodie over his head, running his fingers through his hair to style it out before looking for some matching sweatpants. Jaemin’s almost out of breath at how fast he’s rushing around his bedroom, glancing at his phone to check the time as he yanks his sweatpants up his legs, tying the string securely with a grin.

He knows you’re probably wondering why he’s read the message but hasn’t replied yet, already getting giddy at the mere thought of surprising you at your home. Maybe he should get some coffee along the way for you both.

Just as Jaemin yanks open his drawers to find a clean pair of socks, his back straightens almost immediately as he hears a knock at the front door, finding it extremely unusual for someone to be at the house this early in the morning. He begins to wonder if maybe someone had the wrong house, or if one of Yangyang’s hookups had forgotten something during their last encounter, or maybe it was you that decided to show up since he didn’t message back.

His heart warms at the thought and he’s unable to stop the grin that creeps on his lips as he exits his bedroom, jogging down the stairs with his hands smoothing out the wrinkles on his hoodie, fingers ruffling his hair to look somewhat presentable as he nears towards the front door.

He wonders if you’re going to give him an earful for leaving your text on read, or if you’re just going to stand there with an unamused expression on your face like you had done in the past. Jaemin snickers at the memory, curling his fingers around the door handle to pull it open, eager to hear what you’d have to say, but he freezes halfway.

Jaemin feels his heart drop in the pit of his stomach, a high pitched noise filling his ears as he takes a staggered step back, his hand that’s still locked around the door handle turns white from his iron grip. His heart thuds erratically in his chest, breathing laboured as he struggles to consume oxygen, vision slightly blurred so that it helps him no longer look at the face of the girl that’s appeared in front of him. 

He feels so dizzy that he’s thankful for the hold he has on the door, knowing that if nothing supported him he would’ve collapsed to the ground in a full blown panic.

Maybe it was all in his head, maybe the conversation of opening up yesterday made him crazy. This wasn’t real. It couldn’t have been real. She wasn’t really here, she can’t be—

“Hey Jaemin” Eunbin greets him with the kindest of smiles and her voice was enough to set him off. She lets herself into the house without any problem, wrapping her arms around Jaemin’s middle and squeezing tightly, a giggle fleeting past her lips despite him tensing up beneath her sudden embrace. 

He doesn’t hug back, he can’t even move his arms. He can’t fucking register what the fuck is going on. It doesn’t feel real, none of this feels real but he knows that he isn’t fortunate enough for this to be a dream, to be a hallucination. 

Eunbin pulls back from the one-sided hug to stare up at Jaemin who is now looking down at her, eyes wide. She looks different than what Jaemin remembers. Her hair has grown longer and she’s cut her bangs in, completely barefaced. She’s dressed in a white sleeved shirt with a green knitted vest over the top, paired with baggy denim jeans and her shoes that Jaemin remembers all too well. The blue butterflies and green aliens that she painted on her white sneakers in his room stares back at him. 

“Are we going to stand here all day?” Eunbin teases him as she toes off her sneakers, leaving them at the front door as she slips inside fully, shaking the bag in her hand gently as she turns to him. “I bought breakfast bagels and coffee. There’s enough for everyone”

“They’re not here” Jaemin finds his voice, but it's quiet and hardly audible to the point that Eunbin couldn’t hear him as she finds her way into the kitchen. Jaemin closes the door almost robotically and follows behind, lingering in the doorway as he watches Eunbin place the breakfast bagels and coffee on top of the kitchen island. He coughs to clear his throat, trying to force himself to speak louder. “What… what are you—”

“I flew in early hours this morning, if you’re wondering” Eunbin answers the question that’s been sitting at the end of his tongue. “I got some breakfast and I came straight here, to see you”

Jaemin swallows thickly, “To see me?” 

Eunbin seems confused, but she still smiles softly. “Of course… I missed y—”

“You shouldn’t be here” Jaemin cuts her off almost immediately, shaking his head. “You shouldn’t be here. I’m not—You’re supposed to—” Jaemin’s eyes snap to Eunbin’s face as he decides to lie through his teeth. “I have someone coming over. I have plans”

“Oh” Eunbin blinks, feeling slightly awkward as she taps her nails on the styrofoam cup that holds her coffee. She seems curious, “Who?”

“Y/N” He speaks your name before he can even think.

“The girl from your Instagram?” A smile spreads across Eunbin’s lips. “She’s Eric’s girlfriend, right? Or ex-girlfriend, I think? She’s the one that used to come around a lot with him to see Jeno. I didn’t know you guys became so close—”

“Excuse me” Jaemin doesn’t even give her time to respond as he’s already turning away from the kitchen door frame, heading up the stairs to his bedroom and closing the door behind himself quietly. His forehead thuds against the cold wood and he takes long, slow deep breaths, trying to calm down his nerves that are unbelievably heightened.

Fingernails dig into his palms as he tries to ground himself when breathing gets harder to control, vision disfigured as tears form across his waterline. His chest grows tight and the pain that soars is enough to have the tears rolling down his cheeks, throwing his hand over his mouth to cover the cries that escape.

He can’t believe that this is happening, that Eunbin is sitting downstairs in the kitchen acting nonchalant, acting as if nothing ever happened during their last encounter. She should be in New York. Why did she come home? He inhales and exhales deeply, hastily rubbing his hands across his face to get rid of the tears as he turns on his heel, spotting his phone sitting open on his desk.

Jaemin curses beneath his breath as he rushes over to his phone, seeing the amount of messages you’ve left behind and he feels silly when he realises he’s left you completely on read throughout the entire series of texts. He wants to apologise and he types out his sorry message before deleting it, unsure of how to approach this situation and his mind wanders to Eunbin downstairs, his heart rapidly beating again. 

He needs to be gone from this house, gone from Eunbin’s presence. Maybe if he asks you to come over and you knock at his door, he can tell Eunbin that you’re here and that he needs to leave. He lied to Eunbin earlier about you coming over, so she’ll believe it when she hears the knock at the door and Jaemin can rush downstairs to open it and quickly leave so he no longer has to be around Eunbin, and he can finally be with you. 

jaemin: come here jaemin: the house jaemin: please

Jaemin presses send quickly, teeth gnawing on his bottom lip as the little read notification appears at the bottom of his texts and his shoulders relax slightly, hoping that you didn’t leave him on read after his stupid mistakes and were on your way over. Please.

• • •

Hiding away inside his room isn’t one of his best ideas, perhaps it is one of his pathetic ones but still, he wasn’t ready to leave his room and face the girl that is sitting in his kitchen. She called for him a few times, asking if he was okay but he dismissed it by saying he was looking for something and immediately declined when she offered to help. 

Jaemin doesn’t want Eunbin here, he knows that much. He doesn’t want her to be anywhere near him after what happened during their last encounter, it baffles him at how nonchalant she’s acting about it. His brows pull together in deep thought, wondering if Eunbin had a different outcome of that night in her own mind. Is he curious? Possibly. Does he want to actually talk to her about it? No.

He knew this day would come, where she would come back home from New York and he’d see her face every now and again on the streets or in certain places, but he didn’t expect it to be this soon and he most definitely didn’t expect her to show up at his front door looking happy as ever, maybe even a little excited too. 

It confuses him, and he hates it.

Although relief floods his system when he hears the front door open and close, wondering if Eunbin got tired of waiting or even realised what Jaemin’s true intentions were and left, and hopefully for good. He slides off his bed, gravitating towards the window and sneakily peeking through the curtains to see if Eunbin was leaving down the driveway but his stomach twists when he sees the white car parked out front with nobody occupying the drivers seat. Eunbin is still here, he frowns deeply, but why did the front door open?

Deciding to investigate, Jaemin quietly opens his bedroom door to leave the comfort of his room, silently walking across the landing to the stairs where he carefully climbs down, not making hardly any noises as he tries to listen in on the conversation that seems to be happening in the kitchen. His brows pull together as he moves faster and his heart thumps in his ears as he begins to recognise the voice that’s replying to Eunbin, body tensing as he stands in the doorway to see you sitting at the kitchen island with Eunbin.

You weren't supposed to come inside, but yet he couldn’t blame you for doing so. You are used to walking in and making yourself home, the boys have all told you (Haru and Miwoo) to do so. It’s normal for you, it’s normal for him… but fuck he wish that wasn’t the norm, not today. He didn’t want Eunbin talking to you, he didn’t want Eunbin anywhere near you. For a reason, Jaemin is unsure why, but he hates seeing Eunbin engaging in conversation with you which is why he decides to make his presence known.

“Hey”

Your head immediately snaps in his direction and with your eyes finally locked on his, Jaemin feels the worries inside his head begin to disintegrate, the weight on his shoulders slowly lifting. He’ll constantly be in awe at how simple you make him feel at ease, but his figure tenses up when Eunbin’s attention is now brought to him too.

But he keeps his eyes on you. You are the only person in this room that matters to him right now, the only person in this room he can look at without falling apart and he drags himself over to you, fingers itching to touch your skin, to feel your embrace.

He fully believes you read his mind because the second he stands beside you, your hand lays on his arm and his body relaxes, allowing to lean his weight into your side, his arm coming around to wrap around your back, clutching the back of the sweatshirt of his you’re wearing and he smiles softly, rubbing the fabric between his fingertips.

This calms him, being beside you, touching you. And his heart warms when he realises how fast you came over to help him, he’s filled with the uttermost gratitude and he wishes he can kiss you right then and there, but his head rises when he’s reminded of the person who is sitting opposite the two of you. 

Eunbin smiles when she reaches his eyes but Jaemin’s quick to avert his attention back to you with a thick gulp, watching your hands that now rest in your lap. He’s eager to slip his fingers between yours and tug you out of the house, to disappear for a little while.

“I’m sorry if I’m making things awkward, but…” Eunbin speaks up, disrupting the silence. She points at Jaemin first before she points at you which Jaemin isn’t fond of, eyes narrow slightly. “Are you guys, like, a thing?”

You clear your throat to speak first, “We’re—”

“We’re sleeping together” Jaemin tells her before he can even register what he’s saying. His lips press together in a tight line when he fully realises what he’s just blurted out, but there’s a twisted part of him that enjoys seeing the look on Eunbin’s face. His hand slips up your back to rest on your shoulder. “We’re exclusive”

The way you comically turn your head to look at Jaemin is enough to make him smile despite the ugly feeling in the pit of his stomach. He can see the uncomfortable look on your face and he’s regretful, not wanting to put you in such a position and he curses at himself for letting his pettiness get the best of him. He drops his left eye into a wink, hoping to silently reassure you and tell you everything is okay.

“Oh” Eunbin blinks, unsure of what to say. “How long?”

“A mo—”

The sound of you clearing your throat makes Jaemin stop and he looks down at you, a little confused but also worried, squeezing your shoulder in a gesture to ask if you’re alright but you ignore it as you give him a smile which he notices is not legitimate. “Sorry, I had something stuck in my throat… Anyways, I’m late so, uh, I’m gonna go. Bye”

The second you stand up from your seat, Jaemin is quick to grasp your hand in his. He sees how uncomfortable and panicky you look and his chest tightens, hoping to calm you down as his thumb grazes over the tops of your knuckles. He notices how your eyes nervously glance around the room, looking over at Eunbin who is already staring at you both and Jaemin sighs, cupping your cheeks in his hands to force you to look at him, not wanting you to feel intimidated under Eunbin’s gaze. 

“Where are you going?” He questions with a whisper. He doesn’t want you to leave without him, he wants you to whisk him away to wherever you’re heading… he doesn’t want to be alone with Eunbin. “Don’t… don’t leave”

“We’re going to be late to get breakfast with everyone” Jaemin’s eyes widen and relief instantly floods through his veins when he hears the emphasis on the ‘we’re’, realising that you’re going to take him with you and he couldn’t be more happier. He removes his hands from your cheeks to lace his fingers with your own, ready to leave right then and there.

“Wait…” Eunbin speaks up before Jaemin can even begin to ask her to leave the house. He briefly glances over at her, watching as she rubs the back of her neck and gives a nervous smile, “I just got here… I haven’t seen you in months and you’ve been avoiding me. Can we just talk? Please?”

“I—” Jaemin gulps at the sad look Eunbin casts his way and he sighs heavily, running his fingers through his hair. He’s conflicted seeing the all-to familiar sorrowful look on Eunbin’s face, it disgusts him how much it pulls at his heartstrings and makes him feel like a shitty person. But with the hand that's locked in your own and your body brushing against his from the close proximity, he wants you. He wants to leave with you. 

“It won’t be long, I promise” Eunbin promises him with hope. “Just for an hour, okay? I need to talk to you”

Jaemin’s silent now, staring at nothing in particular with his brows pulled together in deep thought, mind overcrowding with confusing thoughts and feelings that’s enough to give him a headache. His teeth bite down on his tongue with force, trying his hardest to focus on the pain to get rid of hushed voices inside of his head but he struggles deeply.

Closure, the voice in his head repeats. This could be closure. His eyes dart towards Eunbin who’s already staring back at him. Tell her how she made you feel. His forehead creases, lips forming in a straight line as his jaw tightens with a glare. Tell her how badly she fucked up.

“Fine” He nods his head once, “I’ll stay”

Jaemin turns to look at you when he feels your hand slip away from his grip, refusing to meet his eyes as your back straightens up, sending a tight lipped smile to Eunbin who seems content with his answers.

“It’s nice meeting you”

“You too,” Eunbin admits with a genuine smile. “I hope we can see each other again?”

Jaemin watches as you nod your head before bidding a quick goodbye, turning on your heel as you head out of the kitchen and Jaemin’s mouth open and closes repeatedly, unsure of what to say as he hurriedly follows behind you, latching his fingers around your wrist before you could open the front door and escape.

He presses your back against it, eyes filled with panic as they meet your emotionless ones, shocked that you’re trying to leave without even saying anything to him. Why are you mad? Did he say something wrong? Is staying not the right choice? Are you disappointed? He hates not knowing what’s going on inside your head, desperate for you to talk to him.

Jaemin’s hands shakingly come up to gently touch your face, pushing the strands of hairs neatly behind your ears as he dips his head down, trying to meet your eyes once again when you look away from him. Please look at me. He cradles your jaw, his thumb caressing your skin as he raises your head when you finally look at him and he leans in, pressing his mouth to yours in a slow kiss.

He feels your body react to him, instantly relaxing and curling your fists around the material of his hoodie to pull him closer and he complies, stepping forwards so his body is flush against yours, leaving no room for either of you. His arms slither around your waist as yours wrap around his shoulders, exhaling deeply when he feels your fingers tug at the hairs on the nape of his neck. The kiss is full of desperation, yearning, and he almost whines when you start to pull away from him, his lips immediately chasing yours but stops, opting to rest his forehead against yours as he tries to catch his breath.

“I didn’t want to stay” He tells you, wanting to explain his thought process to you. “But I think I need to do this for me, for closure” Jaemin’s hands rub the bottom of your back as he feels himself slowly go into a panicked state, wanting to calm himself down. “I need to tell her how I felt. I need her to understand that I—”

“You don’t have to explain it” You cut him off with a smile and he melts as he still feels you playing with the hair at the back of his head. “It’s okay, Jaemin”

Jaemin blinks softly, chest warming at the reassurance and he nods his head gratefully. He kisses your lips once again and he has the sudden urge to smile when he feels you kiss him back with your hand placed on his cheeks. He completely forgets about the person sitting alone in the other room, waiting for him to come back.

Truthfully, he doesn’t care about anything when he’s with you. You make him forget a lot of things that usually leave him in a rut. You help him breathe, you help him feel normal, you make everything seem worth it. 

The kiss is broken and Jaemin opens the door for you when you’re ready to leave, leaning against the wood as he stares at you, something tugging at his heart as you give him a smile and he freezes, body stiff against the door.

“Y/N…” He whispers your name softly, teeth gnawing down on his bottom lip as his palms become clammy. “I, uh… I…”

“What?” You press with a giggle.

“I…” Jaemin swallows thickly, something heavy dawning on him. He’s come to realise that you are the most important person to him, maybe even more than Jeno and that leaves him in internal shock but a smile crawls onto his lips as he stares at you a little longer. Jaemin has always appreciated the things he loves, and he wasn’t exactly sure what kind of love it is, but, “I appreciate you”

• • •

“She seems really sweet” Eunbin admits as Jaemin finds his way back into the kitchen after seeing you off, his hands shoved deep into his pockets as he leans against the countertop across from Eunbin, keeping his distance which she seems to notice almost instantly. “You can sit, you know—”

“What are you doing here?” Jaemin cuts her off with the question that's been swimming around in his mind, brows furrowing as he chews the inside of his cheek. He wants answers. He needs answers.

“I… told you. I came to see you—”

“But why?” Jaemin presses, frustration already beginning to build.

“I missed you” Eunbin admits, a sad frown displaying across her lips as she fiddles with her fingers. “I mean, I tried contacting you the entire time I was gone but you blocked my number”

“Why do you think I would keep your number after what you did?” Jaemin tilts his head to the side, staring at Eunbin who slowly sinks down into her seat under his gaze. “Do you even understand what happened? You fucked me and then you left. You didn’t tell me you were leaving, you just did”

“Jaemin—”

“Do you know how badly you fucked me up after that?” He seethes through his teeth. Jaemin doesn’t mean to get angry, but he struggles to control his emotions towards the girl that’s in front of him, wanting nothing more than her to understand what she has done. “I lost my fucking mind because of you and you were living your best life in New York”

“But we talked about New York after I confessed” Eunbin speaks with desperation in her voice. “We spoke about it and I told you that it was my dream to go, and you were supportive—”

“I was supportive of you following your dream. I wasn’t supportive of you lying to me about going to New York” Jaemin corrects, clenching his fists inside of his pockets and digging his fingernails into his palms, trying to keep control of his emotions, not wanting to break down. “You told me how the art school was the most meaningful and important thing to you, and that nothing else mattered…”

“You matter,” Eunbin quickly adds before she sighs. “I didn’t want to hurt you, Jae”

“But you did,” Jaemin smiles sadly. “I understand how important that art school was for you and I was happy that you got what you wanted because you worked hard for it… but understand from my perspective how shitty it was to find out that it was in New York and you leaving the day after”

“What I did was shitty, I know that” She admits, chewing down on her bottom lip as tears brim in her eyes. She looks down at her hands. “I shouldn’t have kept it a secret that it was in New York and I shouldn’t have left after sleeping with you… In my head, when we were arguing about it and I apologised, and then we slept together, I thought we were fine. I thought you were okay about the art school being in New York because you told me you loved me and you supported my dreams, which is why I left for it the next day”

Jaemin feels the sting as his eyes well up with his own tears and he tries to blink them back, “You thought we were fine?” That explains why she came here this morning… She thought we were still fine. 

“I’m so sorry, Jae” Eunbin stands up from her seat, making her way over to stand in front of Jaemin who tenses up and leans further back against the countertop. “I’m sorry I hurt you and I’m sorry for being so selfish… but please understand that it was never my intention to hurt you. Please”

Jaemin doesn’t speak. He can’t find the right words to describe how he’s feeling. But hearing Eunbin call herself selfish and apologise for hurting him left him in shock. He didn’t really expect Eunbin to feel this bad. Honestly, he was worried and waiting for another pending argument, to hear her tell her side of the story and stick with it, so having her admit her faults in front of him was enough to have the weight lifted off his shoulders.

Closure, the voice in his head speaks. You got your closure.

His head drops, chin touching his chest as he exhales before he slowly nods his head, an indication that Eunbin knows all too well. Jaemin accepts the apology, he hasn’t forgiven her for what happened and admittedly, he’s still a little angry, but he’s thankful for her verbal apology. 

Eunbin smiles through her tears as she steps forward, wrapping her arms around Jaemin in a tight embrace for the second time today. Jaemin’s brows jump in surprise, listening as she quietly cries against his chest, clutching his hoodie desperately and Jaemin remains still, staring down at the top of her head with his hands still buried deep in his pockets.

Yeess more jaemin angst

backburner [01]

PAIRING. jaemin x reader

CATEGORY. mini smau, angst, college au, hurt/no comfort

WARNINGS. language, jaemin might be a red flag, reader is too nice, angsty

SYNOPSIS. you know that it's sad that you settle for the backburner.

NOTE. nothing says happy birthday like writing an angsty smau for your bias (i love him, i swear 😭) there are a bunch of timeskips in between scenes, i hope it's not too confusing, but u can ignore most of the timestamps. the only important ones are the ones in jaemin and reader's conversations. i’ll try posting part 2 tomorrow! enjoy 🥹🫶🏼

part 1 | part 2 | part 3

NOTE. i also made a playlist for this au 🥹 lmk what u guys think so far!

TAGLIST. @radiorenjun @bluejaem @pink-but-rosie @renjun-pretty @holdinbacksecrets @rynshyuckies @jelllyjae @jenyongcas @whyisquill @beemarkie @morkxlee @hibuki-chan @moonwalkun @lyyhyuck @baekhyunstruly @lilacdreams-00 @ridinhyuck @archivedmkl @najaeminluvbot @jiye0n0 @rensiu @morkleetrash @neo444 @hrjchive @keemburley @soobin-chois @yiz-yo @juune04 @nctasdfghj @hyckio @studywoo @jun5ui @smolpeyy @mahae66 @kkotjia @yoonhanzjaem @goldryush @en-boys @stopeatread @hibernatinghamster @shwizhies @zgzgzh @bbymatz @eyantice @w0nderr @dinonuguaegi

Re reading this because I need to feel something and this always makes my heart ache and cry

she gets the flowers | na jaemin

title: she gets the flowers

pairing: na jaemin x fem!oc/reader

genre: song-fic, childhood friends to fwb to lovers to exes, fluff, smut/suggestive, angst | requested and inspired by she gets the flowers by beth mccarthy

summary: the person you shared every moment of your life with could never betray you, right? That was what she thought before Jaemin proved that he could turn from her soulmate to the biggest source of her pain.

warnings: mentioned drinking and smoking underage, smut, mostly suggestive, oral sex (f receiving, a bit more explicit), angst, no cheating but still feelings of betrayal, attempted suicide (not really, but just in case)

words: 6.855k

a/n: first of all, i'm incredibly sorry this took so long but i was going crazy trying to come up with a plot because the song led me to a plot similar to traitor so that's why it took so long. But I'm happy with the result and i hope you'll like it too. warning: probably it's even sadder than my other angst fics so prepare the tissues, i guess???

There’s something beautiful in growing up together and sharing every day of your life with somebody. It’s a type of bond that nothing in the world can replicate.

That was her relationship with Jaemin. She and Jaemin had shared their entire life together. It wasn’t like they had a choice when their mothers that were best friends for ages, casually ended up pregnant at the same time and gave birth to them only two days apart. Being raised side by side even if they weren’t related was something they couldn’t escape. And without realizing it, they became such a big part of each other’s life that living without each other was hard. 

They did everything together. All the dumb things you have to do at least once in your life. All their first times. All their heartbreaks, and joys. There wasn’t a single moment they didn’t share. 

Despite this, they were different. Jaemin wasn’t exactly a bad boy, not like the bullies type, at least, but he was the most reckless of the two. Always getting her in trouble, while she tried hard to still be the good girl she always was. 

“Jaemin, this is dumb,” she said, trying to stop him from climbing the roof of the store. That was the first time he took her there, only seventeen, the perfect age to try dumb things they couldn’t do. 

“Is it?” He asked, his hand reaching for hers to help her get up. 

She sighed before briefly looking around, making sure that nobody could see them and then followed him. 

“You’re so damn hard to convince sometimes,” he whispered, lips puffing out as he let out the smoke of the cigarette he had stolen from his dad’s jacket, head inclined enough so he could look at her. The chill breeze of October blowing on them. 

“And you’re reckless,” she huffed, resting her head on her knees, looking in front of her, they could see a small part of the neighborhood from there, and maybe it was worth the risk. 

“Here,” he said, handing her a bottle of soju and she pushed his hand away. “Oh, come on, that’s not dumb.” 

“You know I get drunk too easily, I will kill myself trying to climb down again.” 

Jaemin chuckled, shaking his head, before turning off the cigarette and drinking the alcohol instead. 

“The things I do for you,” he joked when he was done, moving closer to her, wrapping a hand around her shoulders. Her head leaned in immediately, cheeks brushing against the blue jacket he was wearing. 

“That’s because you love me.” 

“Yeah, I do,” he replied, leaving a peck on her forehead. 

And that was so normal for them that they never truly weighted the words they said to each other. The ‘I love yous’ didn’t mean anything, just like it didn’t mean how they always held each other’s hands when they walked side by side, and always called each other for help. 

It was normal, from the crib to when they went to high school and still looked at each other with the same old eyes. It was fine because they both had their own adventures, and they didn’t need each other for that.  

Until something wasn’t enough anymore. Until they started to realize they couldn’t find each other in other people. That their beds were always going to be cold if at their side it wasn’t them. 

They had no idea how their first kiss happened, or what exactly lead them there. After a long day at Uni, once again on that rooftop with the breeze freezing them. Hesitant lips getting closer, and shy eyes looking into each other, silently asking each other if it was worth it. 

When their lips touched their questions were answered. It was. It was worth putting on a line all their years of friendships. 

But they had the bad habit of never calling things with a name. That was their relationship since they were kids. It worked without trying. 

But they seemed to forget they weren’t five or ten anymore. They were grown-ups. They should’ve talked, should’ve put a name on it, and set some rules. Anything to don’t end up in ashes. 

But they didn’t and that kiss was followed by another. This time not so shy or full of fear. Their hands moved freely on their bodies, touching each other in ways they never imagined before. But once again it stopped there, as much as they were pulled by this force, the fear of taking a treacherous path was high. 

Until things took a different turn again. 

“Wasn’t expecting you here,” Jaemin said, opening the door of the apartment he shared with his friends. 

“I’m so tired,” she huffed, kissing him quickly and then falling down on his couch, throwing her bag next to her. “I have two essays to turn in and I have no idea when I’ll write them.” 

“Maybe you could start now,” he proposed, pointing at the books on the coffee table. “We could study together.” 

“I don’t want to study,” she replied, crossing her arms on her chest. 

Jaemin sat next to her, his hand caressing her cheek, making her turn around in surprise. 

“I can help you though,” she stuttered, gulping, wanting to pull away from him but at the same time she just wanted to crave more at his touch. “Would never want to come between your studies.” 

“We can do something funnier,” he proposed, and only then she turned around, seeing his eyes locked on her lips. 

“This is another one of your dumb ideas,” she whispered. 

“Is it?” He asked, same old smirk on his face that then turned into a smile that made her melt. 

“We shouldn’t be doing this, you know it,” she mumbled, lying, knowing she was lying. Because she wanted it, she wanted that to happen for such a long time. 

“Just this time,” he whispered, breath fanning against her lips. “Just once.” 

But it hadn’t been just once. 

It had happened over and over again. 

“Jaemin, fuck.” The loud music was muffled in his room as the party downstairs kept going on. But her mind wasn’t there, it was focused on Jaemin’s face buried between her legs and his hands wrapped around her thighs as he ate her out while she stood against the wall. Too eager to even wait of getting on the bed or undressing her completely. 

“You taste so good,” he mumbled pressed against her wet flesh, nose teasing her clit while his lips and tongue worked perfectly to bring her over the edge so soon. 

“I’m close,” she breathed out, fingers intertwining in his hair, pulling hard as the orgasm made her tremble. 

“Need you,” Jaemin muttered as soon as he pulled away, licking his lips before dragging her body on his bed. Their clothes were on the floor in a second and Jaemin’s hands ran all over her body. 

“Quit playing and just fuck me,” she urged, hips grinding against him. 

“You’re so impatient,” he groaned before leaning over the bedside table to grab a condom, ripping the wrap and rolling it down his length. 

“If you didn’t tease me all night, maybe,” she said, spreading her legs more, waiting for him to slip inside her. “Shit, so good.” 

Moans and whimpers got lost in the night as the party went on downstairs without their care, too busy burning into each other’s flames and lying into ashes on the bed as what was going on between them grew bigger and bigger every day. 

There’s something extremely painful about one-sided love. And it only gets worst when the person that gets you weak in the knees is your best friend. 

She should’ve known it was a dumb idea. She should’ve stopped it before it even started but by now it was too late. She was too deep into that. And she was once again half naked in Jaemin’s bed, getting drunk in a pleasure that wasn’t enough to water the pain any longer. 

“I can’t do this anymore,” she snapped, standing up, pushing his body away, and trying to look for her clothes again. 

“Did I hurt you?” He asked, grabbing his boxer just to cover himself the quicker he could and reaching her. 

She sighed, slipping on herself his shirt, lifting her head up to push down the tears. “No, I… it’s my fault,” she confessed, turning around again, looking for her pants but the tears in her eyes made it impossible for her to see. And the salty drops filled her eyes even more when she felt Jaemin’s arms wrap around her. 

“Hey, calm down,” he whispered, turning her around, her head falling in the crook of his neck as she let him lull her, his hands caressing her back. “It’s alright, it’s fine.” 

“No, it’s not,” she mumbled through sobs. “I can’t keep having you like this without truly having you.” 

Jaemin was surprised by her words and pulled away to stare at her face. “You mean the sex?” 

She nodded, the palm of her hand wiping away her tears. “I thought my heart was safe but I love you. And I know you don’t love me back, I know this was just… just the easiest thing we could do but I – I love you so much. I’ve been loving you for too long without knowing,” she sobbed. “And I know you don’t feel the same –”

“Who said that?” Jaemin stopped her immediately. 

“I know.” 

“You know? And based on what?”  

When she didn’t answer he shook his head. “You think I treat all my other friends the way I treat you? You think I stay up all night to study with somebody else? You think I prepare them tea? You think that if it was just sex I’d let you stay over every time and let you sleep on my chest? You think I’d make your breakfast? You think I’d let you borrow my clothes?” 

“Isn’t this what we… isn’t this what we did even when we were just friends? How can I tear this apart?” 

Jaemin sighed, nodding, “I don’t know…” he whispered. The lines of their relationship had always been blurry. All the years their friends told them they acted like a couple. All the years their family told them the same thing. All the times they wondered what they were. They simply never had the courage to say it out loud, but now that all the lines were crossed they couldn’t keep playing that game anymore. 

“I feel good with you, and I love you,” Jaemin said. “I love you so much,” he replied, cupping her cheeks in his hand, and her heart skipped a beat at his words. “And if you love me back maybe we could give this a try?” 

And she said yes. Of course, she did. She had been waiting for this moment for so long that she felt on cloud nine. 

Jaemin, her best friend, the perfect man she always wanted to have at her side, was finally her boyfriend. 

The perfect man. 

That was what she thought. 

That was what Jaemin was when he was her best friend. 

And he was like that even for the first year they dated. 

He was thoughtful, energetic, and responsible and the list of all the compliments she could give him could go on and on. He was the same Jaemin she used to know, the one she always loved, as a friend, as a lover. 

And their story was going so well that they even started to look for a small apartment together when the second year of University ended and moved in before summer was over.  

“Stop playing around, Nana,” she warned him, pointing the brush on his face, trying to squirm away from him. 

“Come on, it’s just some paint,” he laughed, successfully staining her face with the light blue of their bedroom. 

“What did you just do?” She glared at him before coloring his face too, making him laugh. “You want war and I’ll give it to you.” 

And that was another afternoon spent playing around, paint ending everywhere but on the walls, leaving them lying on the floor breathless before they decided that it was better to wrap it up and go take a shower. 

And the new house led to thousands of shopping dates to pick up the furniture, and everything else they needed. Long days running around ended in cozy nights spent together on their couch eating food while their place started to form around them, walls filling up, smelling and looking like them more and more with each passing day.

The last two years of University passed like that, in their place, with their usual routine, with new memories and joys. Inviting friends over, wasting Saturdays doing nothing but cuddling up in their living room, or taking care of the plants that filled their home. 

They slept and woke up, looking at each other, always more sure that they were meant to be each other’s future. 

Until something broke. 

Jaemin was distant. 

It wasn't a clear break, one day the sweetest, most loving person ever and the next one a cold, heartless one. It was slow, like the grains of sanding passing from one side to another of an hourglass. Slipping out of her hands just like sand. 

Every time she tried to plan something, he always came up with something he had to do. She didn’t want to call them excuses, but at this point, she couldn’t name them in any other way. 

And it wasn’t only that, it looked like he had stopped paying her attention at all, whether she wanted it for dumb reasons or even serious ones.  

“We have to call the landlord,” she reminded him from the kitchen, turning around to see that he was once again on the couch, doing nothing on the phone. 

“Jaemin,” she called him, leaning against the door frame, glaring at him. 

“Yeah? You wanted me?” 

“I was talking to you,” she replied. 

“I wasn’t listening,” he mumbled, putting the phone away. 

“Yeah, I can see it,” she sighed, turning around again. 

“What did you want?” He asked, and even if she didn’t turn around she knew he was in the kitchen too. 

“Nothing, I can do it myself.”

Jaemin huffed, “so you can be mad at me because I didn’t do it?” 

She chuckled. “You never do what I ask you do.” 

“Here we go again,” he replied, rolling his eyes and shaking his head. 

“Yes, I’ll say it again because we can’t keep going on like this. We have to call the landlord because he’s raising the rent of this house again. Our place. I don’t know if you get it that you live here, too.” 

“I know. I’ll call him. You think that will make him stop? It’s been two years since we live here, and he does it every time.” 

“You didn’t even answer your mother about Sunday.” 

“Do you really want to go there?” 

She sighed, studying his face with a shocked expression. “It’s your mom? And it’s to spend time together.” 

“I can’t.” 

“You can’t? On Sunday?” 

“I have... a thing to do…” 

“A thing? And what is that?” She tilted her head, trying to meet his gaze but Jaemin was avoiding it. 

“Need to help Renjun with something. Boring things you don’t care about,” he cut short, and she furrowed, but she had no strength to dig deeper and maybe end up in a fight. 

They fought too often lately. They had started to bicker over the smallest things, screaming at each other, drifting away, and crying over spilled milk. And that was fucking her up. 

She felt like she couldn’t keep going on like this, but every time she tried to talk with him, Jaemin always slipped from her fingers or she couldn’t find the mental energy to go all the way. 

It was just a moment. It surely had to be like that. Maybe it was the stress from work, or those normal crises couples went through. 

But to Jaemin it wasn’t a moment. 

“I want to break up.” 

And then those words arrived. They hit her like a thunder in the middle of a storm. While sitting in front of each other at the table of their house he was finding the bravery to put an end to them. 

“I can’t keep lying to myself anymore,” Jaemin confessed, eyes lowering because he couldn’t stand looking into hers. His best friends. The person he learned to walk with. The person he almost shared his birthday with. The person that saw him at his lowest. “I think I mistook the habit of having you by my side for love.” 

Her whole world fell apart. She had so many things to say, questions to ask, but not a sound could come out of her mouth. 

“I don’t love you. I’m not even sure I ever did. Not like this, at least. Not like you want me to love you.” 

Some moments of silence passed after his confession as they stared into each other’s eyes. Jaemin trying to imagine a reaction, hoping it was going to be different from the ones he pictured while preparing for this. Her trying to see a glimpse of a joke, a terrible and cruel one, but a joke.

But she knew him too well and his eyes, his beautiful, once warm, brown eyes there was no sign of a joke. He meant it. Jaemin meant every word.

“You never loved me?” She asked, voice trembling, eyes watery. 

“I don’t know.” 

“You don’t know? You’re telling me I just wasted more than two years of my life by your side and you don’t know?” 

“It’s not my fault, I… I thought I did before I met someone else and maybe… maybe this is not love. My heart doesn’t beat the same. I don’t know.” 

“So there’s also somebody else!” She screamed. “After all that I gave up for you! You couldn’t realize this a little bit earlier? Before I gave up my job in London for you? Before I put all my savings in this place for us to share? Before I gave up going to New York for the master?” 

Jaemin didn’t answer, he didn’t even look at her. He couldn’t stand the look on her face, he was used to wiping it away, to kiss it away, but now he was the one that caused it.

“I… fuck,” she cursed, throwing her head back to push back tears. “I could’ve had so much more and I never did all because of you, because I thought I had love and you’re telling me all these years had been a lie? I ruined my life for you and you can’t even love me. No, you can’t even look at me while you’re telling me this big news.” 

“I’m sorry,” he whispered, eyes meeting her just for a split second. 

“Sure, this is going to fix everything,” she chuckled bitterly. “Tell me what she has that I don’t!” 

“Don’t do this.” 

“Don’t do this? Seriously? I want to know. I deserve to know because you… you can’t just leave me like this.” 

“I’m not leaving like this,” he tried to explain. “I thought about it for so long.” 

“Why am I so hard to love?” She cried, but it was more of a thought to herself, getting up to walk back and forth because she felt all the emotions pile up and she needed to let them go somehow. 

“You are not hard to love. I love you, just not like that.” 

“Just shut the fuck up! I don’t care how you love me, I don’t want you to love me like that. Shut up!” Her whole body was shaking, tears flooding down her face, her head was about to explode, and probably her heart too.  

“I’m sorry.” 

“Stop saying it, stop it!” 

Jaemin sighed, he never imagine it would come to this. Honestly, he had no idea how else she could’ve reacted, but there must’ve been a good side to this, right? “I don’t know when it happened, I just realized it now. Isn’t it better like this? It’s over now and we can both move on.” 

“Sure,” she replied, holding in a bitter chuckle. “It’s so easy for you. She’s already waiting at home, right? Waiting for you, being everything you always wanted. Something I will never be.” 

“She doesn’t know. There’s nothing going on between us.” 

“I hope she makes you happy,” she replied, eyes closing so hard that tears rolled down her cheeks faster while her hand rested against the wall, trying to calm her breathing down. “I hope her eyes look better than they shine. I hope her lips taste sweeter than mine. I hope she looks prettier when she cries. I hope she won’t be so hard to handle.” 

Jaemin walked toward her, trying to hold her in his arms but she glared at him and it was enough to make him take a step back. 

“Leave,” she only whispered, taking a deep breath, trying to don’t pay attention to the tears that were making her look more and more pathetic. “You don’t want me, Jaemin. And I can’t change your mind. I can’t force you here. I already ruined enough of your life with this.” 

“You didn’t ruin my life, please. You will always be my best friend.” 

She couldn’t hold in the loud sob that rolled out of her mouth when he said that and her body crashed against the wall again. 

“I hate you so much,” she screamed, shaking and sniffling. “You — you should’ve told me this so long ago. I hate you so much,” she repeated, bending and holding her stomach, wishing she knew a way to make this pain stop. “I would’ve rather lost the sex with you than — than be — ugh,” she sobbed, completely falling on the floor.

Jaemin was frozen, his heart was broken too. He would’ve never wanted to be the reason for her tears, or for her pain, especially for this pain. Seeing her body shake, her face a mess of tears and mascara and her chest panting uncontrollably as she gasped for air. 

“I didn’t do this on purpose,” he whispered because he had no idea what to tell her. How to make her believe that if he made up his feelings before he would’ve told her sooner. 

“I know,” she replied, not looking at him. “But… leave, please. I can’t — I can’t do this… I can’t be this close to you. I — I… Leave.” 

And he did, walking to their bedroom he grabbed some of his things for the night and left. He tried to meet her eyes before closing the door behind him, but she was huddled up on the floor, sobbing uncontrollably and the only thing he could do after turning her in that state, was to leave her some space. 

When the sound of the door closing reached her ears, she started crying louder, fingers clenching too hard around her hair and pulling too much, trying to feel some physical pain because the emotional one was unbearable. 

That wasn’t fair. 

That was nothing of what she had planned for the night, or for the weekend, or for their lives. 

And she couldn’t even think why she wasn’t enough, why he didn’t cast her in the show of his life forever. She could only think about all the wasted times and how now she could’ve been anywhere else in the world, with a job that made her ten times happier, with somebody that truly loved her and still with Jaemin at his side, still her childhood best friend, still the little teenage boy that made her laugh, still the college pal that spent nights up with her. 

But Jaemin now turned into a nightmare. He was somebody that she didn’t know. 

Jaemin was the source of her biggest pain and that was a kind of hurt she didn’t know how to deal with. 

She felt sick. 

Sick to the stomach. 

So, still crying, and sobbing, she crawled on the floor, tired body making its way to the bathroom, feeling like she was carrying around a ton too heavy to handle. And she threw up, everything she could’ve, and finding the strength to lift her hand and flush was hard. Just like it was to get up when her heart and stomach hurt so much and she felt like she could barely breathe. 

“I’m so pathetic,” she whispered through sobs while she laid curled up on the floor, thinking it couldn’t be possible to react that way, that a break-up couldn’t be the end of the world, that a betrayal like this couldn’t be the end of the world. And yet it felt exactly like that. And she had no strength to get up or drag her body to the bed, their bed, so she fell asleep there, exhausted, heartbroken, and humiliated. 

It wasn’t going to be the end of the world. 

But right there, it felt like the end of the universe.  

Dealing with what came after hadn’t been easy. Seeing Jaemin’s face again hadn’t been easy. But that still was his place, and his friends couldn’t just make room for him in their houses out of nowhere. So they still had to share their everyday life for a week before Renjun found a way to let him squeeze into his house, a temporary solution to give him time to find a new place. 

But dealing with his absence wasn’t easy either. Every day when she came home the house was a little emptier. All the things they bought together. All the things she had seen in his room at his parent’s place, then in his college room, and now here. Gone. Gone just like him. 

Jaemin had tried to talk to her several times, but she never answered, unless it was really necessary, and when she did the only words were ‘yes’ or ‘no’ or small phrases.

She was angry. Furious even. So much she feared she was going to go insane. Because the pain was pressing her to the floor and she felt like she was about to explode. But that wasn’t her, that was a part of her that was hurt and devastated. And as much as Jaemin deserved it, she didn’t want to regret any dumb action, so she took a step back. Hoping he was going to leave her alone as soon as possible and then she would’ve healed by herself. 

And it took her at least one month to get back on her feet. She didn’t even feel pain, she felt empty, and for some reason, it was worst. She had no emotions to deal with, to feel and then analyze, no root of a pain to reach to break it apart. 

She spent her evenings sitting on a corner of the sofa, looking at the wall, feeling like she was going insane. Her friends tried to make her go out, get her mind off of it, but she had no strength. She was falling into a withdrawal. 

“What is this?” She asked her mother while she went through the mail, an envelope that was too elegant to be normal mail catching her eyes. She had started to come back to her parent’s house during the weekend to don’t feel so lonely because that place screamed Jaemin from every corner and she couldn’t deal with it. During the week she was too wrecked from work to let him drag her down, but the weekends were the worst. 

“What, honey? It must be the usual stuff,” her mother replied not even turning around, too busy crocheting a blanket. 

She wanted to leave it there, but something inside her told her to open it. 

“Are you kidding me?” She whispered, blinking her eyes twice to make sure she wasn’t going insane. “He’s getting married?” Her eyes were still on that piece of paper with her name written on it. “He’s getting married and he invited me?” 

When her eyes fell on her mother her heart broke even more. “You — you knew?” the words were shaking coming out of her mouth and her eyes got wetter. 

“Honey, I’m —”

“Don’t call me honey,” she warned her sternly, feeling like that pet name was mocking her even more. “You knew?” 

“I’m still friends with his mom, you know what’s between us, of course, I did,” she confessed, placing the wool next down on the armchair and walking toward her daughter but she stepped back. “I wasn’t planning on giving it to you.” 

“Why did he invite me? Does he think — does he think we can still be friends after all the pain he caused to me?” Her back met the wall and it was getting harder to breathe. 

He was getting married. 

Na Jaemin, her best friend for life, her first love, her first real relationship, the one she gave up so much for, was getting married two months after they broke up. 

“His mother did the invitations. You know it’s hard for us to see you like this. We just wish you would solve this.” 

“Solve this?” She almost screamed, staring at her mother in disbelief. “Solve what? The broken heart he threw to the ground and stepped on? I gave him my life, mom, I did things for him — I… I would’ve died for him and he tells me he never loved me. These past three years had been a lie, he was with me just because I was there, ready to crawl at his side, I was just a habit he was too afraid to lose and he had to tie me to him somehow until I became too much and he kicked me out of his life. How can I go past this? Why do I always have to be the one that lets people run over her?” 

“I didn’t mean that, but you two have been through so much. I don’t understand how —” 

“Yeah, you don’t understand,” she replied bitterly before grabbing her things and walking out of the house, not listening to her mother begging to make her stay. 

She had no idea how she made it home with the tears fogging her eyes and her heart split into million pieces more than it already was. But once she crossed the door she let out the most broken scream of her life, bending in two in front of the door, letting her body fall on the floor, screaming and crying, regretting all her life choices, wondering how the person she trusted the most in the whole world could’ve turned into her biggest enemy. 

Jaemin, the one that had her back when she did something wrong. The one that helped her stood up every time she fell. The one that kissed the pain away when she fell off the bike or from the swing. Her soulmate had backstabbed her, over and over again. 

“I don’t deserve this,” she shouted, resting her back against the hard door, head rolled back as she tried to let her lungs breathe in more air because she felt like she was dying. “I don’t deserve all this pain.” 

But she had nobody to talk to, nobody was there to hug her or calm her down, nobody to whisper in her ears that eventually, one day, everything would’ve been better. 

Nobody was there to tell her that one day she would’ve got that love she deserved. 

Because the love she deserved was reserved for somebody else. 

And she shouldn’t have added more pain to her suffering, but her hands quickly reached for her phone and opened Instagram. 

And there they were. 

“Forever and always” as the caption of their hands, two beautiful rings on their fingers. And swiping left another picture, their cheeks pressed against each other, smiling widely as the wind blew the hair in front of their faces. 

The exact picture she had of them on her lock screen, but now that she thought about it, after months of thinking that was one of their best photos, she realized that Jaemin’s cheek wasn’t so close to hers. 

And there were so many posts on Instagram, both of their feeds were full of each other with cheesy captions and emojis. Things he never, ever did for her. 

She broke down again, feeling her heart twist in her ribcage. 

She had spent months trying to convince herself that Jaemin had fallen out of love in the last months. That it had happened, that it was just bad luck and they weren’t meant to last. 

But looking back at it now, thinking about how easily he had moved on and what kind of love he was reserving for her, the sad truth crashed her to the ground. 

Jaemin had never fallen in love with her. 

They weren’t supposed to meet again, but she couldn’t say ‘no’ when her mother invited her to the usual spring party she threw the first week of April. 

“Sorry, I didn’t see you here,” Jaemin mumbled when they crashed against each other. “I was looking for a thing in my… my jacket,” he explained since they were both in the guest room. 

She was frozen. She wanted to leave. She should’ve left because she came there mainly to avoid him. She couldn’t stand seeing him and her all over each other, their hands intertwined, his lips always on her cheeks or lips, his fingers gently grazing her hair back. 

“Are you okay?” He asked when tears started streaming down her face. It had been months since he had last seen her and he never imagined she was doing this badly, she barely looked like herself anymore.

She didn’t even notice she had started crying, it happened so often lately that she didn’t even pay attention to it anymore. 

“Never been better,” she replied sarcastically, but her feet still couldn’t find the strength to move past him and walk out. 

“I didn’t know about what my mom did, I would’ve stopped her,” he said. 

She chuckled bitterly. “You think that the problem is being invited? You think that the mere fact of you marrying someone else after two months of our break up isn’t heartbreaking enough?” 

“I didn’t want to hurt you.” 

She nodded. “I know, I know. We never want to hurt others, and just because it wasn’t on purpose the others shouldn’t feel hurt or betrayed, right? It’s always an honest mistake. Oops, I slipped. Oops, I didn’t do it on purpose. I casually stuck ten knives in your chest but I never thought you would bleed and die on the floor, please, forgive me.” Her tone wasn’t high but bitter, full of a type of anger Jaemin never heard before. 

“Let’s not do this right now,” Jaemin said. “There are people.” 

“Yeah, you care so much about what they might think. You don’t even care about all the pain you put me through. How much this hurt and how much you, your mother and mine are slapping your happiness at my expense on my face.” 

“You shouldn’t have come here.” 

“I shouldn’t have? She’s my mom. This is my parents’ house. Not yours. You should’ve been thoughtful enough to say no when she invited you, to take your fucking distances from my family but no, this is so much better. You love seeing me miserable. You love knowing I’m not getting over you, that for me there will never be getting over you. Probably you get off to my pain.” 

“Don’t say things that are not true. I didn’t know you were coming, I wouldn’t have come.” 

“I don’t even get how my mom let her in, why she’s so supportive of you as if… as if you’re not the reasons I’m struggling to make it to the next day. Why does nobody care about me? Why is she still all over you? Why can’t she see it? Why can’t she realize you’re not the kind, little boy I used to spend my morning, afternoon and evening with?” 

“She’s just happy for me…” 

“Right, you’re happy, your family is happy. She’s happy, happier than I’ve ever been. You found your person, and there’s nothing I can do about it. And I’m so happy about it. Congratulation for being happy, for finding love, for — fuck,” she cursed. “I’m so happy for you. I’m so happy that she’s getting all the love I deserved to have.” 

“Don’t do this.” 

“No, I’m truly happy. I’m so happy that she gets the flowers, the boxes of chocolate, the nights out to stargaze, the marriage proposal, the new house, maybe even a dog or a child.” 

“Are you mad because I love her?” 

“I’m mad because she gets the love I deserved. The love that I gave you.” It was hard to say it out loud and in front of him but she was so mad, so frustrated that everybody there acted as if she was the problem or the overdramatic one. 

“She gets the posts made about her, she gets the flowers, she gets a perfect love that you never gave to me. You never loved me. All these years were a fucking lie, Jaemin. You lied to me. I gave you my everything. I was so open to you, I showed you my true colors and what I got back? A fucking play. You were playing a part. I have no idea who I had by my side in the last three years. And I’ve known you before we could even talk.” 

“I’m sorry but I can’t… I can’t choose who I love.” 

“I don’t care. I got excuses, Jaemin. You got to use this, to use me. You left me in the dust with nothing and then walked away as if it was nothing. As if I was nothing,” she screamed, fist clenching around his shirt before letting go because she couldn’t stand to stay this close to him. 

“Was I too hard to handle? Was I too emotionally unstable? What was wrong with me that — that didn’t make you love me? Why don’t you love me? Why don’t you want me?” 

“Because you’re not her,” Jaemin snapped, their eyes locking into each other, hearts breaking again. Hers because she never imagined he could hurt her that bad. Again. Over the same wound. Healing and bleeding. Closing and ripping open. And his because he never wanted to hurt her that bad. Jaemin truly didn’t want this to end like this. And he couldn’t stand the emptiness he could see in her eyes as they stared into his and felt like nothing of what they used to feel. 

They weren’t home anymore. And this was the cruellest reminder. 

Her feet moved back, heels almost dripping on the floor and lips shaking. She gulped, wrapping her arms around her shoulders, nodding as she felt the air dim in her lungs again.  

“You’re right,” she whispered, looking through the clothes to grab her jacket before putting it on and storming outside. 

Jaemin should’ve let her go but he knew that when she acted like this she was out of herself. 

“Where are you going? It’s dangerous to drive like this,” he screamed, running after her, cursing because he didn’t want to make a scene but he still cared about her. 

“Why do you act like you care? You don’t give a damn about me. Just — just stop this,” she replied, slamming the front door, walking fast to her car, falling apart when she turned around and he wasn’t there. His fiancée had stopped him, probably asking what was going on and he was lying, coming up with something that wasn’t related to her, because she wasn’t worth a fight between him and the love of his life, and he walked back to the garden, once again forgetting about her. 

Driving in those conditions was a terrible idea, but she wanted to go home and the idea of death didn’t sound so sad or scary. 

Dying for love was such a dumb thing. 

But she couldn’t keep her eyes on the road, her hands couldn’t control the wheel, shaking too hard. And when she lost control, when the car ran off the road and death grazed her, she wondered if it went in another way, if destiny wouldn’t have been so gentle to keep her alive if she would’ve gotten the flowers on her tombstones. 

But she wasn’t underground, she was alive, hurt, next to her car, crying her eyes out to a love that was never meant to be. 

She couldn’t know what would’ve happened if things went the other way. But of one thing, she was sure.

Someone else was getting the flowers and would’ve always got them. 

And that someone, wasn’t her. 

I hope you liked it! Please let me know with comments, reblogs or asks!!

still not over this..i hate HATE jaem's character in this. i want him to suffer. i want him to lose everything. i want her to cut ties with everyone including her family. and i gotta disagree with the one on comment section, she didn't do it all to herself. she clearly tried to stop before things get more complicated. she was ready to let go but he stopped her saying he loves her even tho he's still confused of his feelings at that time. he should've thought things through before deciding to trap her in a relationship that he himself was not sure of. he's so selfish. i'm so frustrated that this fic (and that sour series) would often keep me from sleeping for months now and to think this won't have a sequel 😭 so cruel 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

she gets the flowers | na jaemin

title: she gets the flowers

pairing: na jaemin x fem!oc/reader

genre: song-fic, childhood friends to fwb to lovers to exes, fluff, smut/suggestive, angst | requested and inspired by she gets the flowers by beth mccarthy

summary: the person you shared every moment of your life with could never betray you, right? That was what she thought before Jaemin proved that he could turn from her soulmate to the biggest source of her pain.

warnings: mentioned drinking and smoking underage, smut, mostly suggestive, oral sex (f receiving, a bit more explicit), angst, no cheating but still feelings of betrayal, attempted suicide (not really, but just in case)

words: 6.855k

a/n: first of all, i'm incredibly sorry this took so long but i was going crazy trying to come up with a plot because the song led me to a plot similar to traitor so that's why it took so long. But I'm happy with the result and i hope you'll like it too. warning: probably it's even sadder than my other angst fics so prepare the tissues, i guess???

There’s something beautiful in growing up together and sharing every day of your life with somebody. It’s a type of bond that nothing in the world can replicate.

That was her relationship with Jaemin. She and Jaemin had shared their entire life together. It wasn’t like they had a choice when their mothers that were best friends for ages, casually ended up pregnant at the same time and gave birth to them only two days apart. Being raised side by side even if they weren’t related was something they couldn’t escape. And without realizing it, they became such a big part of each other’s life that living without each other was hard. 

They did everything together. All the dumb things you have to do at least once in your life. All their first times. All their heartbreaks, and joys. There wasn’t a single moment they didn’t share. 

Despite this, they were different. Jaemin wasn’t exactly a bad boy, not like the bullies type, at least, but he was the most reckless of the two. Always getting her in trouble, while she tried hard to still be the good girl she always was. 

“Jaemin, this is dumb,” she said, trying to stop him from climbing the roof of the store. That was the first time he took her there, only seventeen, the perfect age to try dumb things they couldn’t do. 

“Is it?” He asked, his hand reaching for hers to help her get up. 

She sighed before briefly looking around, making sure that nobody could see them and then followed him. 

“You’re so damn hard to convince sometimes,” he whispered, lips puffing out as he let out the smoke of the cigarette he had stolen from his dad’s jacket, head inclined enough so he could look at her. The chill breeze of October blowing on them. 

“And you’re reckless,” she huffed, resting her head on her knees, looking in front of her, they could see a small part of the neighborhood from there, and maybe it was worth the risk. 

“Here,” he said, handing her a bottle of soju and she pushed his hand away. “Oh, come on, that’s not dumb.” 

“You know I get drunk too easily, I will kill myself trying to climb down again.” 

Jaemin chuckled, shaking his head, before turning off the cigarette and drinking the alcohol instead. 

“The things I do for you,” he joked when he was done, moving closer to her, wrapping a hand around her shoulders. Her head leaned in immediately, cheeks brushing against the blue jacket he was wearing. 

“That’s because you love me.” 

“Yeah, I do,” he replied, leaving a peck on her forehead. 

And that was so normal for them that they never truly weighted the words they said to each other. The ‘I love yous’ didn’t mean anything, just like it didn’t mean how they always held each other’s hands when they walked side by side, and always called each other for help. 

It was normal, from the crib to when they went to high school and still looked at each other with the same old eyes. It was fine because they both had their own adventures, and they didn’t need each other for that.  

Until something wasn’t enough anymore. Until they started to realize they couldn’t find each other in other people. That their beds were always going to be cold if at their side it wasn’t them. 

They had no idea how their first kiss happened, or what exactly lead them there. After a long day at Uni, once again on that rooftop with the breeze freezing them. Hesitant lips getting closer, and shy eyes looking into each other, silently asking each other if it was worth it. 

When their lips touched their questions were answered. It was. It was worth putting on a line all their years of friendships. 

But they had the bad habit of never calling things with a name. That was their relationship since they were kids. It worked without trying. 

But they seemed to forget they weren’t five or ten anymore. They were grown-ups. They should’ve talked, should’ve put a name on it, and set some rules. Anything to don’t end up in ashes. 

But they didn’t and that kiss was followed by another. This time not so shy or full of fear. Their hands moved freely on their bodies, touching each other in ways they never imagined before. But once again it stopped there, as much as they were pulled by this force, the fear of taking a treacherous path was high. 

Until things took a different turn again. 

“Wasn’t expecting you here,” Jaemin said, opening the door of the apartment he shared with his friends. 

“I’m so tired,” she huffed, kissing him quickly and then falling down on his couch, throwing her bag next to her. “I have two essays to turn in and I have no idea when I’ll write them.” 

“Maybe you could start now,” he proposed, pointing at the books on the coffee table. “We could study together.” 

“I don’t want to study,” she replied, crossing her arms on her chest. 

Jaemin sat next to her, his hand caressing her cheek, making her turn around in surprise. 

“I can help you though,” she stuttered, gulping, wanting to pull away from him but at the same time she just wanted to crave more at his touch. “Would never want to come between your studies.” 

“We can do something funnier,” he proposed, and only then she turned around, seeing his eyes locked on her lips. 

“This is another one of your dumb ideas,” she whispered. 

“Is it?” He asked, same old smirk on his face that then turned into a smile that made her melt. 

“We shouldn’t be doing this, you know it,” she mumbled, lying, knowing she was lying. Because she wanted it, she wanted that to happen for such a long time. 

“Just this time,” he whispered, breath fanning against her lips. “Just once.” 

But it hadn’t been just once. 

It had happened over and over again. 

“Jaemin, fuck.” The loud music was muffled in his room as the party downstairs kept going on. But her mind wasn’t there, it was focused on Jaemin’s face buried between her legs and his hands wrapped around her thighs as he ate her out while she stood against the wall. Too eager to even wait of getting on the bed or undressing her completely. 

“You taste so good,” he mumbled pressed against her wet flesh, nose teasing her clit while his lips and tongue worked perfectly to bring her over the edge so soon. 

“I’m close,” she breathed out, fingers intertwining in his hair, pulling hard as the orgasm made her tremble. 

“Need you,” Jaemin muttered as soon as he pulled away, licking his lips before dragging her body on his bed. Their clothes were on the floor in a second and Jaemin’s hands ran all over her body. 

“Quit playing and just fuck me,” she urged, hips grinding against him. 

“You’re so impatient,” he groaned before leaning over the bedside table to grab a condom, ripping the wrap and rolling it down his length. 

“If you didn’t tease me all night, maybe,” she said, spreading her legs more, waiting for him to slip inside her. “Shit, so good.” 

Moans and whimpers got lost in the night as the party went on downstairs without their care, too busy burning into each other’s flames and lying into ashes on the bed as what was going on between them grew bigger and bigger every day. 

There’s something extremely painful about one-sided love. And it only gets worst when the person that gets you weak in the knees is your best friend. 

She should’ve known it was a dumb idea. She should’ve stopped it before it even started but by now it was too late. She was too deep into that. And she was once again half naked in Jaemin’s bed, getting drunk in a pleasure that wasn’t enough to water the pain any longer. 

“I can’t do this anymore,” she snapped, standing up, pushing his body away, and trying to look for her clothes again. 

“Did I hurt you?” He asked, grabbing his boxer just to cover himself the quicker he could and reaching her. 

She sighed, slipping on herself his shirt, lifting her head up to push down the tears. “No, I… it’s my fault,” she confessed, turning around again, looking for her pants but the tears in her eyes made it impossible for her to see. And the salty drops filled her eyes even more when she felt Jaemin’s arms wrap around her. 

“Hey, calm down,” he whispered, turning her around, her head falling in the crook of his neck as she let him lull her, his hands caressing her back. “It’s alright, it’s fine.” 

“No, it’s not,” she mumbled through sobs. “I can’t keep having you like this without truly having you.” 

Jaemin was surprised by her words and pulled away to stare at her face. “You mean the sex?” 

She nodded, the palm of her hand wiping away her tears. “I thought my heart was safe but I love you. And I know you don’t love me back, I know this was just… just the easiest thing we could do but I – I love you so much. I’ve been loving you for too long without knowing,” she sobbed. “And I know you don’t feel the same –”

“Who said that?” Jaemin stopped her immediately. 

“I know.” 

“You know? And based on what?”  

When she didn’t answer he shook his head. “You think I treat all my other friends the way I treat you? You think I stay up all night to study with somebody else? You think I prepare them tea? You think that if it was just sex I’d let you stay over every time and let you sleep on my chest? You think I’d make your breakfast? You think I’d let you borrow my clothes?” 

“Isn’t this what we… isn’t this what we did even when we were just friends? How can I tear this apart?” 

Jaemin sighed, nodding, “I don’t know…” he whispered. The lines of their relationship had always been blurry. All the years their friends told them they acted like a couple. All the years their family told them the same thing. All the times they wondered what they were. They simply never had the courage to say it out loud, but now that all the lines were crossed they couldn’t keep playing that game anymore. 

“I feel good with you, and I love you,” Jaemin said. “I love you so much,” he replied, cupping her cheeks in his hand, and her heart skipped a beat at his words. “And if you love me back maybe we could give this a try?” 

And she said yes. Of course, she did. She had been waiting for this moment for so long that she felt on cloud nine. 

Jaemin, her best friend, the perfect man she always wanted to have at her side, was finally her boyfriend. 

The perfect man. 

That was what she thought. 

That was what Jaemin was when he was her best friend. 

And he was like that even for the first year they dated. 

He was thoughtful, energetic, and responsible and the list of all the compliments she could give him could go on and on. He was the same Jaemin she used to know, the one she always loved, as a friend, as a lover. 

And their story was going so well that they even started to look for a small apartment together when the second year of University ended and moved in before summer was over.  

“Stop playing around, Nana,” she warned him, pointing the brush on his face, trying to squirm away from him. 

“Come on, it’s just some paint,” he laughed, successfully staining her face with the light blue of their bedroom. 

“What did you just do?” She glared at him before coloring his face too, making him laugh. “You want war and I’ll give it to you.” 

And that was another afternoon spent playing around, paint ending everywhere but on the walls, leaving them lying on the floor breathless before they decided that it was better to wrap it up and go take a shower. 

And the new house led to thousands of shopping dates to pick up the furniture, and everything else they needed. Long days running around ended in cozy nights spent together on their couch eating food while their place started to form around them, walls filling up, smelling and looking like them more and more with each passing day.

The last two years of University passed like that, in their place, with their usual routine, with new memories and joys. Inviting friends over, wasting Saturdays doing nothing but cuddling up in their living room, or taking care of the plants that filled their home. 

They slept and woke up, looking at each other, always more sure that they were meant to be each other’s future. 

Until something broke. 

Jaemin was distant. 

It wasn't a clear break, one day the sweetest, most loving person ever and the next one a cold, heartless one. It was slow, like the grains of sanding passing from one side to another of an hourglass. Slipping out of her hands just like sand. 

Every time she tried to plan something, he always came up with something he had to do. She didn’t want to call them excuses, but at this point, she couldn’t name them in any other way. 

And it wasn’t only that, it looked like he had stopped paying her attention at all, whether she wanted it for dumb reasons or even serious ones.  

“We have to call the landlord,” she reminded him from the kitchen, turning around to see that he was once again on the couch, doing nothing on the phone. 

“Jaemin,” she called him, leaning against the door frame, glaring at him. 

“Yeah? You wanted me?” 

“I was talking to you,” she replied. 

“I wasn’t listening,” he mumbled, putting the phone away. 

“Yeah, I can see it,” she sighed, turning around again. 

“What did you want?” He asked, and even if she didn’t turn around she knew he was in the kitchen too. 

“Nothing, I can do it myself.”

Jaemin huffed, “so you can be mad at me because I didn’t do it?” 

She chuckled. “You never do what I ask you do.” 

“Here we go again,” he replied, rolling his eyes and shaking his head. 

“Yes, I’ll say it again because we can’t keep going on like this. We have to call the landlord because he’s raising the rent of this house again. Our place. I don’t know if you get it that you live here, too.” 

“I know. I’ll call him. You think that will make him stop? It’s been two years since we live here, and he does it every time.” 

“You didn’t even answer your mother about Sunday.” 

“Do you really want to go there?” 

She sighed, studying his face with a shocked expression. “It’s your mom? And it’s to spend time together.” 

“I can’t.” 

“You can’t? On Sunday?” 

“I have... a thing to do…” 

“A thing? And what is that?” She tilted her head, trying to meet his gaze but Jaemin was avoiding it. 

“Need to help Renjun with something. Boring things you don’t care about,” he cut short, and she furrowed, but she had no strength to dig deeper and maybe end up in a fight. 

They fought too often lately. They had started to bicker over the smallest things, screaming at each other, drifting away, and crying over spilled milk. And that was fucking her up. 

She felt like she couldn’t keep going on like this, but every time she tried to talk with him, Jaemin always slipped from her fingers or she couldn’t find the mental energy to go all the way. 

It was just a moment. It surely had to be like that. Maybe it was the stress from work, or those normal crises couples went through. 

But to Jaemin it wasn’t a moment. 

“I want to break up.” 

And then those words arrived. They hit her like a thunder in the middle of a storm. While sitting in front of each other at the table of their house he was finding the bravery to put an end to them. 

“I can’t keep lying to myself anymore,” Jaemin confessed, eyes lowering because he couldn’t stand looking into hers. His best friends. The person he learned to walk with. The person he almost shared his birthday with. The person that saw him at his lowest. “I think I mistook the habit of having you by my side for love.” 

Her whole world fell apart. She had so many things to say, questions to ask, but not a sound could come out of her mouth. 

“I don’t love you. I’m not even sure I ever did. Not like this, at least. Not like you want me to love you.” 

Some moments of silence passed after his confession as they stared into each other’s eyes. Jaemin trying to imagine a reaction, hoping it was going to be different from the ones he pictured while preparing for this. Her trying to see a glimpse of a joke, a terrible and cruel one, but a joke.

But she knew him too well and his eyes, his beautiful, once warm, brown eyes there was no sign of a joke. He meant it. Jaemin meant every word.

“You never loved me?” She asked, voice trembling, eyes watery. 

“I don’t know.” 

“You don’t know? You’re telling me I just wasted more than two years of my life by your side and you don’t know?” 

“It’s not my fault, I… I thought I did before I met someone else and maybe… maybe this is not love. My heart doesn’t beat the same. I don’t know.” 

“So there’s also somebody else!” She screamed. “After all that I gave up for you! You couldn’t realize this a little bit earlier? Before I gave up my job in London for you? Before I put all my savings in this place for us to share? Before I gave up going to New York for the master?” 

Jaemin didn’t answer, he didn’t even look at her. He couldn’t stand the look on her face, he was used to wiping it away, to kiss it away, but now he was the one that caused it.

“I… fuck,” she cursed, throwing her head back to push back tears. “I could’ve had so much more and I never did all because of you, because I thought I had love and you’re telling me all these years had been a lie? I ruined my life for you and you can’t even love me. No, you can’t even look at me while you’re telling me this big news.” 

“I’m sorry,” he whispered, eyes meeting her just for a split second. 

“Sure, this is going to fix everything,” she chuckled bitterly. “Tell me what she has that I don’t!” 

“Don’t do this.” 

“Don’t do this? Seriously? I want to know. I deserve to know because you… you can’t just leave me like this.” 

“I’m not leaving like this,” he tried to explain. “I thought about it for so long.” 

“Why am I so hard to love?” She cried, but it was more of a thought to herself, getting up to walk back and forth because she felt all the emotions pile up and she needed to let them go somehow. 

“You are not hard to love. I love you, just not like that.” 

“Just shut the fuck up! I don’t care how you love me, I don’t want you to love me like that. Shut up!” Her whole body was shaking, tears flooding down her face, her head was about to explode, and probably her heart too.  

“I’m sorry.” 

“Stop saying it, stop it!” 

Jaemin sighed, he never imagine it would come to this. Honestly, he had no idea how else she could’ve reacted, but there must’ve been a good side to this, right? “I don’t know when it happened, I just realized it now. Isn’t it better like this? It’s over now and we can both move on.” 

“Sure,” she replied, holding in a bitter chuckle. “It’s so easy for you. She’s already waiting at home, right? Waiting for you, being everything you always wanted. Something I will never be.” 

“She doesn’t know. There’s nothing going on between us.” 

“I hope she makes you happy,” she replied, eyes closing so hard that tears rolled down her cheeks faster while her hand rested against the wall, trying to calm her breathing down. “I hope her eyes look better than they shine. I hope her lips taste sweeter than mine. I hope she looks prettier when she cries. I hope she won’t be so hard to handle.” 

Jaemin walked toward her, trying to hold her in his arms but she glared at him and it was enough to make him take a step back. 

“Leave,” she only whispered, taking a deep breath, trying to don’t pay attention to the tears that were making her look more and more pathetic. “You don’t want me, Jaemin. And I can’t change your mind. I can’t force you here. I already ruined enough of your life with this.” 

“You didn’t ruin my life, please. You will always be my best friend.” 

She couldn’t hold in the loud sob that rolled out of her mouth when he said that and her body crashed against the wall again. 

“I hate you so much,” she screamed, shaking and sniffling. “You — you should’ve told me this so long ago. I hate you so much,” she repeated, bending and holding her stomach, wishing she knew a way to make this pain stop. “I would’ve rather lost the sex with you than — than be — ugh,” she sobbed, completely falling on the floor.

Jaemin was frozen, his heart was broken too. He would’ve never wanted to be the reason for her tears, or for her pain, especially for this pain. Seeing her body shake, her face a mess of tears and mascara and her chest panting uncontrollably as she gasped for air. 

“I didn’t do this on purpose,” he whispered because he had no idea what to tell her. How to make her believe that if he made up his feelings before he would’ve told her sooner. 

“I know,” she replied, not looking at him. “But… leave, please. I can’t — I can’t do this… I can’t be this close to you. I — I… Leave.” 

And he did, walking to their bedroom he grabbed some of his things for the night and left. He tried to meet her eyes before closing the door behind him, but she was huddled up on the floor, sobbing uncontrollably and the only thing he could do after turning her in that state, was to leave her some space. 

When the sound of the door closing reached her ears, she started crying louder, fingers clenching too hard around her hair and pulling too much, trying to feel some physical pain because the emotional one was unbearable. 

That wasn’t fair. 

That was nothing of what she had planned for the night, or for the weekend, or for their lives. 

And she couldn’t even think why she wasn’t enough, why he didn’t cast her in the show of his life forever. She could only think about all the wasted times and how now she could’ve been anywhere else in the world, with a job that made her ten times happier, with somebody that truly loved her and still with Jaemin at his side, still her childhood best friend, still the little teenage boy that made her laugh, still the college pal that spent nights up with her. 

But Jaemin now turned into a nightmare. He was somebody that she didn’t know. 

Jaemin was the source of her biggest pain and that was a kind of hurt she didn’t know how to deal with. 

She felt sick. 

Sick to the stomach. 

So, still crying, and sobbing, she crawled on the floor, tired body making its way to the bathroom, feeling like she was carrying around a ton too heavy to handle. And she threw up, everything she could’ve, and finding the strength to lift her hand and flush was hard. Just like it was to get up when her heart and stomach hurt so much and she felt like she could barely breathe. 

“I’m so pathetic,” she whispered through sobs while she laid curled up on the floor, thinking it couldn’t be possible to react that way, that a break-up couldn’t be the end of the world, that a betrayal like this couldn’t be the end of the world. And yet it felt exactly like that. And she had no strength to get up or drag her body to the bed, their bed, so she fell asleep there, exhausted, heartbroken, and humiliated. 

It wasn’t going to be the end of the world. 

But right there, it felt like the end of the universe.  

Dealing with what came after hadn’t been easy. Seeing Jaemin’s face again hadn’t been easy. But that still was his place, and his friends couldn’t just make room for him in their houses out of nowhere. So they still had to share their everyday life for a week before Renjun found a way to let him squeeze into his house, a temporary solution to give him time to find a new place. 

But dealing with his absence wasn’t easy either. Every day when she came home the house was a little emptier. All the things they bought together. All the things she had seen in his room at his parent’s place, then in his college room, and now here. Gone. Gone just like him. 

Jaemin had tried to talk to her several times, but she never answered, unless it was really necessary, and when she did the only words were ‘yes’ or ‘no’ or small phrases.

She was angry. Furious even. So much she feared she was going to go insane. Because the pain was pressing her to the floor and she felt like she was about to explode. But that wasn’t her, that was a part of her that was hurt and devastated. And as much as Jaemin deserved it, she didn’t want to regret any dumb action, so she took a step back. Hoping he was going to leave her alone as soon as possible and then she would’ve healed by herself. 

And it took her at least one month to get back on her feet. She didn’t even feel pain, she felt empty, and for some reason, it was worst. She had no emotions to deal with, to feel and then analyze, no root of a pain to reach to break it apart. 

She spent her evenings sitting on a corner of the sofa, looking at the wall, feeling like she was going insane. Her friends tried to make her go out, get her mind off of it, but she had no strength. She was falling into a withdrawal. 

“What is this?” She asked her mother while she went through the mail, an envelope that was too elegant to be normal mail catching her eyes. She had started to come back to her parent’s house during the weekend to don’t feel so lonely because that place screamed Jaemin from every corner and she couldn’t deal with it. During the week she was too wrecked from work to let him drag her down, but the weekends were the worst. 

“What, honey? It must be the usual stuff,” her mother replied not even turning around, too busy crocheting a blanket. 

She wanted to leave it there, but something inside her told her to open it. 

“Are you kidding me?” She whispered, blinking her eyes twice to make sure she wasn’t going insane. “He’s getting married?” Her eyes were still on that piece of paper with her name written on it. “He’s getting married and he invited me?” 

When her eyes fell on her mother her heart broke even more. “You — you knew?” the words were shaking coming out of her mouth and her eyes got wetter. 

“Honey, I’m —”

“Don’t call me honey,” she warned her sternly, feeling like that pet name was mocking her even more. “You knew?” 

“I’m still friends with his mom, you know what’s between us, of course, I did,” she confessed, placing the wool next down on the armchair and walking toward her daughter but she stepped back. “I wasn’t planning on giving it to you.” 

“Why did he invite me? Does he think — does he think we can still be friends after all the pain he caused to me?” Her back met the wall and it was getting harder to breathe. 

He was getting married. 

Na Jaemin, her best friend for life, her first love, her first real relationship, the one she gave up so much for, was getting married two months after they broke up. 

“His mother did the invitations. You know it’s hard for us to see you like this. We just wish you would solve this.” 

“Solve this?” She almost screamed, staring at her mother in disbelief. “Solve what? The broken heart he threw to the ground and stepped on? I gave him my life, mom, I did things for him — I… I would’ve died for him and he tells me he never loved me. These past three years had been a lie, he was with me just because I was there, ready to crawl at his side, I was just a habit he was too afraid to lose and he had to tie me to him somehow until I became too much and he kicked me out of his life. How can I go past this? Why do I always have to be the one that lets people run over her?” 

“I didn’t mean that, but you two have been through so much. I don’t understand how —” 

“Yeah, you don’t understand,” she replied bitterly before grabbing her things and walking out of the house, not listening to her mother begging to make her stay. 

She had no idea how she made it home with the tears fogging her eyes and her heart split into million pieces more than it already was. But once she crossed the door she let out the most broken scream of her life, bending in two in front of the door, letting her body fall on the floor, screaming and crying, regretting all her life choices, wondering how the person she trusted the most in the whole world could’ve turned into her biggest enemy. 

Jaemin, the one that had her back when she did something wrong. The one that helped her stood up every time she fell. The one that kissed the pain away when she fell off the bike or from the swing. Her soulmate had backstabbed her, over and over again. 

“I don’t deserve this,” she shouted, resting her back against the hard door, head rolled back as she tried to let her lungs breathe in more air because she felt like she was dying. “I don’t deserve all this pain.” 

But she had nobody to talk to, nobody was there to hug her or calm her down, nobody to whisper in her ears that eventually, one day, everything would’ve been better. 

Nobody was there to tell her that one day she would’ve got that love she deserved. 

Because the love she deserved was reserved for somebody else. 

And she shouldn’t have added more pain to her suffering, but her hands quickly reached for her phone and opened Instagram. 

And there they were. 

“Forever and always” as the caption of their hands, two beautiful rings on their fingers. And swiping left another picture, their cheeks pressed against each other, smiling widely as the wind blew the hair in front of their faces. 

The exact picture she had of them on her lock screen, but now that she thought about it, after months of thinking that was one of their best photos, she realized that Jaemin’s cheek wasn’t so close to hers. 

And there were so many posts on Instagram, both of their feeds were full of each other with cheesy captions and emojis. Things he never, ever did for her. 

She broke down again, feeling her heart twist in her ribcage. 

She had spent months trying to convince herself that Jaemin had fallen out of love in the last months. That it had happened, that it was just bad luck and they weren’t meant to last. 

But looking back at it now, thinking about how easily he had moved on and what kind of love he was reserving for her, the sad truth crashed her to the ground. 

Jaemin had never fallen in love with her. 

They weren’t supposed to meet again, but she couldn’t say ‘no’ when her mother invited her to the usual spring party she threw the first week of April. 

“Sorry, I didn’t see you here,” Jaemin mumbled when they crashed against each other. “I was looking for a thing in my… my jacket,” he explained since they were both in the guest room. 

She was frozen. She wanted to leave. She should’ve left because she came there mainly to avoid him. She couldn’t stand seeing him and her all over each other, their hands intertwined, his lips always on her cheeks or lips, his fingers gently grazing her hair back. 

“Are you okay?” He asked when tears started streaming down her face. It had been months since he had last seen her and he never imagined she was doing this badly, she barely looked like herself anymore.

She didn’t even notice she had started crying, it happened so often lately that she didn’t even pay attention to it anymore. 

“Never been better,” she replied sarcastically, but her feet still couldn’t find the strength to move past him and walk out. 

“I didn’t know about what my mom did, I would’ve stopped her,” he said. 

She chuckled bitterly. “You think that the problem is being invited? You think that the mere fact of you marrying someone else after two months of our break up isn’t heartbreaking enough?” 

“I didn’t want to hurt you.” 

She nodded. “I know, I know. We never want to hurt others, and just because it wasn’t on purpose the others shouldn’t feel hurt or betrayed, right? It’s always an honest mistake. Oops, I slipped. Oops, I didn’t do it on purpose. I casually stuck ten knives in your chest but I never thought you would bleed and die on the floor, please, forgive me.” Her tone wasn’t high but bitter, full of a type of anger Jaemin never heard before. 

“Let’s not do this right now,” Jaemin said. “There are people.” 

“Yeah, you care so much about what they might think. You don’t even care about all the pain you put me through. How much this hurt and how much you, your mother and mine are slapping your happiness at my expense on my face.” 

“You shouldn’t have come here.” 

“I shouldn’t have? She’s my mom. This is my parents’ house. Not yours. You should’ve been thoughtful enough to say no when she invited you, to take your fucking distances from my family but no, this is so much better. You love seeing me miserable. You love knowing I’m not getting over you, that for me there will never be getting over you. Probably you get off to my pain.” 

“Don’t say things that are not true. I didn’t know you were coming, I wouldn’t have come.” 

“I don’t even get how my mom let her in, why she’s so supportive of you as if… as if you’re not the reasons I’m struggling to make it to the next day. Why does nobody care about me? Why is she still all over you? Why can’t she see it? Why can’t she realize you’re not the kind, little boy I used to spend my morning, afternoon and evening with?” 

“She’s just happy for me…” 

“Right, you’re happy, your family is happy. She’s happy, happier than I’ve ever been. You found your person, and there’s nothing I can do about it. And I’m so happy about it. Congratulation for being happy, for finding love, for — fuck,” she cursed. “I’m so happy for you. I’m so happy that she’s getting all the love I deserved to have.” 

“Don’t do this.” 

“No, I’m truly happy. I’m so happy that she gets the flowers, the boxes of chocolate, the nights out to stargaze, the marriage proposal, the new house, maybe even a dog or a child.” 

“Are you mad because I love her?” 

“I’m mad because she gets the love I deserved. The love that I gave you.” It was hard to say it out loud and in front of him but she was so mad, so frustrated that everybody there acted as if she was the problem or the overdramatic one. 

“She gets the posts made about her, she gets the flowers, she gets a perfect love that you never gave to me. You never loved me. All these years were a fucking lie, Jaemin. You lied to me. I gave you my everything. I was so open to you, I showed you my true colors and what I got back? A fucking play. You were playing a part. I have no idea who I had by my side in the last three years. And I’ve known you before we could even talk.” 

“I’m sorry but I can’t… I can’t choose who I love.” 

“I don’t care. I got excuses, Jaemin. You got to use this, to use me. You left me in the dust with nothing and then walked away as if it was nothing. As if I was nothing,” she screamed, fist clenching around his shirt before letting go because she couldn’t stand to stay this close to him. 

“Was I too hard to handle? Was I too emotionally unstable? What was wrong with me that — that didn’t make you love me? Why don’t you love me? Why don’t you want me?” 

“Because you’re not her,” Jaemin snapped, their eyes locking into each other, hearts breaking again. Hers because she never imagined he could hurt her that bad. Again. Over the same wound. Healing and bleeding. Closing and ripping open. And his because he never wanted to hurt her that bad. Jaemin truly didn’t want this to end like this. And he couldn’t stand the emptiness he could see in her eyes as they stared into his and felt like nothing of what they used to feel. 

They weren’t home anymore. And this was the cruellest reminder. 

Her feet moved back, heels almost dripping on the floor and lips shaking. She gulped, wrapping her arms around her shoulders, nodding as she felt the air dim in her lungs again.  

“You’re right,” she whispered, looking through the clothes to grab her jacket before putting it on and storming outside. 

Jaemin should’ve let her go but he knew that when she acted like this she was out of herself. 

“Where are you going? It’s dangerous to drive like this,” he screamed, running after her, cursing because he didn’t want to make a scene but he still cared about her. 

“Why do you act like you care? You don’t give a damn about me. Just — just stop this,” she replied, slamming the front door, walking fast to her car, falling apart when she turned around and he wasn’t there. His fiancée had stopped him, probably asking what was going on and he was lying, coming up with something that wasn’t related to her, because she wasn’t worth a fight between him and the love of his life, and he walked back to the garden, once again forgetting about her. 

Driving in those conditions was a terrible idea, but she wanted to go home and the idea of death didn’t sound so sad or scary. 

Dying for love was such a dumb thing. 

But she couldn’t keep her eyes on the road, her hands couldn’t control the wheel, shaking too hard. And when she lost control, when the car ran off the road and death grazed her, she wondered if it went in another way, if destiny wouldn’t have been so gentle to keep her alive if she would’ve gotten the flowers on her tombstones. 

But she wasn’t underground, she was alive, hurt, next to her car, crying her eyes out to a love that was never meant to be. 

She couldn’t know what would’ve happened if things went the other way. But of one thing, she was sure.

Someone else was getting the flowers and would’ve always got them. 

And that someone, wasn’t her. 

I hope you liked it! Please let me know with comments, reblogs or asks!!

⇢ afterglow

synopsis: the one where you've been regretting your breakup with jaemin but maybe you've always belonged to him, even if you're the blame for breaking his heart.

pairing: jaemin x reader genre: social media au, exes to lovers, college au, angst, fluff warnings: swearing, jokes about death, insecurities in relationships note: im lowkey v drunk rn and i have to wake up in 4hrs but ily guys so here u go :D

[ part one ]

permanent taglist: ~ @xxxx-23nct @maeumiluv @produmads @shwizhies @polarisjisung @dearlyminhyung @wooyoung-a @w3bqrl @daincty @deehyuck @ficrecnctskz @rv7hsua @n0hyuck @neosdaisy @baekhyunstruly @barbkh8450t @cupid-yuno @rum-gone-why @mxnhoeuwu @dinonuguaegi @alethea-moon @klovmasworld @haechansbbg @moonchele @sehunniepot

the 1 [NJM] (M)

Description: Six years ago, you decided to move away to a different country to go to school. The catch? You had to leave Jaemin behind, and you refused to drag him along. Now you're back and, for some reason, he doesn't quite seem to hate you in the way you thought he would.

(this is inspired by the Taylor Swift song by the same name, listen to it here)

Genre: Fluff/Smut/Angst TRIPLE THREAT (?? am i okay)

Content Warnings: Explicit sex, break ups, the angst isn't too bad I don't think. Just break up stuff l o l (also don't judge any typos or repetitions I didn't edit this because I wrote this whole thing today someone save me from myself) (also also I am totally working on all requests still, I just get random inspo sometimes and when it hits, it hits)

Word Count: 10,012 (yoo for why did I make this so long help)

Pairing: Na Jaemin x Reader (this is a non-canon AU, Jaemin is a lil businessman and the rest of Dream make appearances here. PS, Best Friend!Donghyuck y'all)

Juliet's Masterlist

Honestly, you never thought you’d make your way back to Seoul. Not when you didn’t have much to come back to. Leaving for college was the scariest decision you’d ever made, but you’re so much better off for it. The experience of living in another country—even if it just for school—is the best thing you’ve ever done.

But Seoul is home. Home is where the heart is, and yours has always resided here, even long after you left. You wonder about the friends you left behind, knowing you haven’t been the best at keeping up with them.

You especially think of Jaemin. The two of you were both twenty-two when you left and, at the time, you would’ve said you were in love with him. You’d been dating for a year before you made your decision.

You don’t think of him in a way that you still have feelings for him, but rather, you want the best for him. If anything, you want to know he’s been as successful as you after you walked away from him.

“America?” Jaemin raises his eyebrows, recoiling at the thought. “I mean, that’s a great opportunity, but wouldn’t it be hard?”

“Of course, it’ll be hard. I think I need to do this before it’s too late for me.” You look down at your hands to avoid eye contact with him. The last thing you want to do is break his heart. Hell, you’ll be breaking your own, too. But being in love with Jaemin doesn’t mean you have to stop everything going on in your life to make sure you keep him.

“How long?” he asks.

“The standard degree path is four years over there, but it could take longer.”

He pauses, gulping. “Wow. You’ll be gone for four years?”

“Yeah.” You pick at your nails and clear your throat. “This is…This is a once in a lifetime opportunity, Jaem. I can’t miss it.”

“I know. I wouldn’t want you to. Um, I guess I’m just nervous as to what that means for us.”

“I love you.” You reach for his hand, intertwining your fingers. “I love you so much, but I can’t ask you to wait for me for four years. Or longer.”

“It’s not like we won’t talk. We have calls, FaceTime, we have everything. However long you need, we’ll work it out.” He tilts his head. At your hesitation, worry spreads across his face.

“I…I don’t know if I’ll come back at all, is what I mean.” You finally meet his gaze and watch the shock course through him.

“Okay, then I’ll move there, too,” he replies, as if it were simple. His forehead wrinkles as he frowns. “If that’s what you want, I can do that. We’ve only been together a year, (Y/N), that’s not long enough for me. I need forever. I promised you forever and I meant it.”

“I won’t ask you to do that.” You shake your head, feeling your eyes well with tears. “Your family’s here. Your friends. We both know you wouldn’t want to move away from your mom forever.”

Jaemin lets out a short breath, tugging his hand away from yours and running it through his hair. “So that’s it? There’s no way I can convince you?”

“You deserve someone who wants the same things you do. The same life. If I can’t give that to you, someone else will. I love you, but sometimes, love isn’t always enough if we’re being pulled in different directions.”

“I won’t just forget about you. You’re just going to disappear?” He wipes away a tear, rolling his eyes.

“You don’t have to forget about me. I’m not forgetting about you. I just need to do something for myself, and I can’t force you along with me.”

The barista jolts you from your trance, asking you if there’s something she can help you with. You clear your throat, hoping you’ll be able to talk past the lump in your throat. After ordering your favorite coffee, you stand off to the side to wait for it.

The door dings behind you, but you think nothing of it. You continue about your business, checking your phone for the time and waiting for your drink. A message comes through from your friend Donghyuck asking if you’d gotten everything settled already.

You and Jaemin had the same friend group. That’s how you met, actually. Donghyuck brought you over to one of their group hang outs, and you and Jaemin clung to each other like glue. It was inevitable that you two would end up dating, and when you did, literally not one of them were surprised.

You send him a quick message back saying everything’s good, and then the barista calls your name. Smiling at her, you walk up to grab the steaming hot cup. Nearly groaning to yourself about how good it smells, you turn around to walk toward the door.

That’s when you see him.

Jaemin.

You haven’t seen him in years. Sure, you still had each other on social media, but you never went out of your way to look at him. Five years has done him well and, at first, you’re unsure if you should say anything. He’s staring right at you, but it doesn’t feel like an invitation. It feels weird.

He’s clearly not the same Jaemin he was, but he’s Jaemin.

And right when you think he’s going to storm off in the other direction and want nothing to do with you, he smiles widely and approaches you. His smile is as gorgeous as it was before, maybe even more so. Normally, this would do little to bother you. You two ended on somewhat good terms, so there’s no reason for either of you to be holding a grudge all this time later.

He wears black pants with a pale pink button-down tucked into them. There isn’t another word to describe him other than divine. He looks good. 

With his hands buried in his pockets, he makes his way over. “I thought that was you.”

“Yeah, it’s me.” You laugh shortly, surprised that you don’t feel too awkward now that he’s in front of you. “Wow, how long has it been?”

As if you don’t know.

“Five years?” he says it like a question. “It hasn’t been that long since we’ve talked though. I guess things are just hard with time zones, aren’t they?”

You give an exaggerated nod. “Totally get that. Well, how have you been?”

“Busy.” He snorts, widening his eyes. “Busy like you wouldn’t believe. Did you end up getting your degree over there? Have you been to see Donghyuck yet?”

“I got the very expensive piece of paper, yes. And I haven’t seen him yet, no. I got back two days ago and have been trying to get things settled before I take a break.” You sip your coffee, almost sighing at the taste of vanilla on your tongue.

“I’m proud of you.” He purses his lips. “Not sure if that means much, but I am. I’m glad it worked out the way you wanted.”

“Thank you. It means a lot, especially from you. What did you decide to do here?” you ask him, tilting your head a bit.

“I’m surprised you didn’t hear,” Jaemin says. “Renjun, Chenle, Jeno, and I opened a business a couple years back. We’ve been doing pretty well, but it doesn’t really leave us with much time for anything else.”

“Holy shit, Jaem, that’s awesome.” You can’t help but grin at him. “I always knew you guys were destined for great things.”

You think back to when you’d hang out with all of them—Jaemin, Mark, Renjun, Jeno, Donghyuck, Chenle, and Jisung. Every Saturday night, you’d all get together for drinks at someone’s house, a constant rotation of happiness, friendship, and pure adoration. You love all of them, albeit in different ways, you feel a strong connection to them all. Being without them for so long has certainly made you nostalgic, but you’re sure you’ll at least see some of them now that you’re back.

You’re not sure if Jaemin will ever be comfortable hanging out with you. Neither of you were particularly bitter in your breakup, but it wasn’t mutual. You didn’t even want it, and he certainly didn’t either. But Jaemin has always been understanding—almost to a fault. He would never ask you to do something if it was against what you wanted to do.

“You know.” He pauses, running his tongue over his teeth. “Are you busy? I’m on my lunch, so if you want to catch up a little, I have the time.”

You hesitate, unsure if it’s a good idea. Before you and Jaemin dated, he was an excellent friend, too. Your only worry at this point is if things will be awkward between the two of you, but it doesn’t seem to be that way yet.

“Yeah, actually.” You take another sip of your coffee, cradling your jacket over your arm to your chest.

He gives you another dazzling smile and gestures over to a small table by the window. “After you.”

You sit down, shrugging your purse from your shoulder and hanging it from the back of the chair. He follows your lead, black hair falling like a curtain over his forehead as he leans forward to bring the seat closer. An odd urge to brush it away overtakes you, but you grab your coffee instead.

Your past with Jaemin is long gone. He’s definitely moved on to bigger, better things, and so have you. Your time in America wasn’t wasted, and you knew from Donghyuck the moment Jaemin moved on from you. It didn’t hurt the way you thought it would. You wanted him happy and cared for, and if you couldn’t do it, you hoped and prayed someone else would.

That was three years ago, but Donghyuck never talked about Jaemin to you again, unless it was something small that happened in a group setting. At that point, you’d also moved on, so as long as he was alive and thriving, you didn’t need to hear about it. Everything was okay.

You’ll always hold an unmatched adoration for the man sitting in front of you. He was your first real love, but everyone knows not everything in your early twenties lasts. It’s true what they say—that you never truly forget your first love. That, and how once you love someone, you’ll always hold some sort of affection for them in your heart.

You tell Jaemin of all the things you got to do in America, and he listens intently. In turn, he tells you about his business and how they grew it from the ground up. It’s one of the largest companies in South Korea, and your heart warms with pride.

Everything you did makes sense. You did it for a good reason. If he had dropped everything and come with you to America, he wouldn’t be doing what he loves. Eventually, you were sure he would’ve grown to resent you if he had gone.

Before you know it, the two of you have been talking for well over an hour. Your coffee is gone, the small bit left at the bottom chilled. On a whim, he checks his watch and recoils in shock.

“Oh shit,” he murmurs. “I’m sorry, I didn’t even realize how long we’d been here.”

“It’s no big deal,” you reply, waving him off. “I’ll get going though.”

“Actually…So the guys and I still do Saturday nights. If you want to come this Saturday, it’s at my place. If you want, I can text you the address.” He taps his fingers on the table.

“Yeah, that sounds like a lot of fun. It’ll be nice to see everyone. I did get a new number though, so let me give it to you.” You reach into your purse for your phone so you can find it. Since you had to switch plans when you moved back, you don’t really know it yet either.

You read it off to him, and he purses his lips while he sends his address to you in a text message. Afterwards, he stands up and brushes off his pants.

“It’ll be just like old times. Jisung is finally old enough to drink, too.” Jaemin chuckles to himself before running his fingers through his hair to push it back. “I’ll see you Saturday? We start at six.”

“Absolutely. I’ll be there.” You watch as he retreats away from you, head held high as he walks out of the coffee shop. He was confident back when you dated, but he’s even more so, and for good reason. No matter what, it’s like he gets increasingly attractive as he ages.

As soon as he’s out of sight, you tap your cheeks to get the slight blush off of them. You didn’t expect to run into him like that, not so soon, but you’re glad you did. Everything happens for a reason, and you’re glad he’s okay with everyone hanging out. You’d hate to lose out on your friends because they have to pick sides.

The encounter stays heavy on your mind even until the next day when you’re supposed to meet Donghyuck for lunch. Your apartment is on the smaller side, since most of your savings was spent to get over here.

The living room is a little under furnished, but it’s nothing you won’t accumulate as time goes on. You have a soft loveseat, a TV mounted to the wall, and a small hallway off to the side that contains your kitchen and all the appliances. Your bedroom is on the left side, big enough only for your bed and a dresser.

You stand in front of the bathroom mirror, trying your best to look at least presentable. You’ve been exhausted lately. Moving countries, across the world, takes a toll on you. At least today is Thursday. You have a job interview tomorrow, and then you’ll get to see your friends on Saturday. Your heart aches for them. They were the best friends you ever had, a complete, close knit group of people who just function so well together. There wasn’t anything else in the world like it.

You go to the small sandwich shop, finding Donghyuck already sitting there waiting for you. His face lights up like a Christmas tree at the sight of you, and his chair scrapes across the floor as he hurries to get up and hug you. He squeezes you so tightly, you almost can’t breathe. You laugh anyway, returning the gesture the best you can.

“My God, I feel like I haven’t seen you in years!” he says, smiling widely. “Shit, you’re not allowed to move out of the country again.”

You roll your eyes, nudging him. “You came to visit six months ago.”

“Six months is still half a year, (Y/N). Never again.”

“Luckily for you, I do plan on staying.” You wait for him to release you before the two of you head over to the line to order.

“Every time I see you, it’s like you’ve grown up more.” Donghyuck fakes a pout, shaking his head. “Look at you, being an adult in the world.”

“Shut your mouth,” you say. “You’re only a year older than me.”

“A year is plenty of time for extra wisdom.” He crosses his arms over his chest, raising his eyebrows like his point is valid.

He orders for both of you, insisting on paying even though you’re about ready to wrestle his wallet out of his hands. It doesn’t matter if you had a billion dollars, he would still insist. That’s always what he’s been for you, your best friend. He takes care of you even when you don’t need it.

“So, when’s your interview?” he asks, accepting the cups from the person at the counter. Handing it to you, he leads you over to the fountain, filling his with Coke Zero.

“I’m glad to see some things never change.” You grin, picking your favorite drink as well. “It’s tomorrow. I’m hoping it works out, because job searching is so tiring.”

“Tell me about it. I’m sure it’ll go great. You’re multilingual and stuff. Employers love that shit.”

Before you respond, the order is ready. You two walk back to your table, conversing back and forth about random things. The conversation takes a turn, and you’re surprised when he actually brings it up.

“Jaemin said he invited you for Saturday.” Donghyuck sips his drink. “Are you going?”

You frown. “Well, yeah. I wouldn’t miss something like that. It’s been too long since I’ve seen everyone.”

“I know that. It’s not weird with you and him, though?”

“Not at all.” You chew the inside of your cheek as you contemplate. “I was worried it would be, but we caught up a little. He seems to be doing really well. If it’s not awkward for him, it won’t be for me. I’d love to be reinstated in the friend group.”

“Reinstated?” He scrunches his nose. “That implies that you were ever un-instated.”

“Is…is that a word?” You chuckle.

“I don’t know. Sounds right to me.” He shrugs, taking a large bite of his sandwich. “I did tell them you were coming back, but also that I didn’t know if you’d be comfortable with that. They all miss you. I swear, Jisung has been talking my ear off asking when we’ll all get together. He’ll be so happy you’re coming.”

Jisung has always been the baby of the group. Even as a full grown adult, you all treat him like a child. He doesn’t complain about it, and he feeds into it probably a bit more than he should. You learn Mark and Donghyuck live together, Jaemin, Chenle, and Jeno live in their own places, and Jisung and Renjun live together. You’re a bit shocked by the last pairing, but you don’t say anything about it.

“Just promise me that if it does get weird, you’ll tell me?”

“I’ll tell you. Promise.” You nod. “I don’t think it will. It was years ago, Hyuck. He moved on, I moved on, and we’re completely different people now. Neither of us are mad.”

“Good. It’ll be nice to have the family back together again.”

After lunch, Donghyuck drives you home. You thank him for the ride, and you head up to your apartment. Regardless of what you say out loud, your brain truly is whirling like crazy after your time with Jaemin.

You didn’t expect seeing him to send you for a loop like this, but you can’t help but think back to how happy you were with him. You two were…something. Maybe not perfect, but it was fun. Magnetic. Passionate. Everything you’ve tried to replicate, even though it’s impossible. No other man could ever be Jaemin.

Your mind drifts off, and you lose yourself in memories.

Saturday nights were a novelty. You sit on Chenle’s couch with Jaemin practically hung over you, the rest of the guys talking simultaneously and incredibly loudly. You didn’t mind it. In fact, you loved it. It reminded you how many people you had by your side, and how many of them were truly like you.

Jaemin kisses your temple, pausing there for a moment. It’s late, and you know he’s getting tired. Even though these are your best friends, you understand his need to wind down after a long night. You bring your wine glass up to your lips, finishing it off.

“Ready?” he asks softly.

You glance over at him and nod, smiling. “Yeah, let me go put this away.”

When you stand up, hardly anyone notices. Chenle and Jisung are basically yelling at each other about something you can’t discern. You laugh when Chenle argues with dramatic hand motions. That’s how you know it’s serious.

You’re pretty sure Renjun has Jeno in a headlock, but you go into the kitchen before you get a good look. It’s a bit quieter in here, and you take a deep breath. You place the glass gently into the sink, closing your eyes and craning your neck back in an attempt to relax. Saturday nights drain you in the best ways, and exhaustion is starting to creep in.

Before you know it, a pair of arms snake around your waist, tugging you back gently. You find yourself against Jaemin’s chest, and you instinctively lean your head on his shoulder.

“And I thought I was tired,” he mumbles, kissing your hairline. “Everything okay?”

“Yeah, I’m okay. Can I stay with you tonight?” You turn to face him, lost in the way the lights glitter in his deep brown eyes. He truly is the most beautiful man you’ve ever seen, and you don’t have to restrain yourself from reaching up to cup his cheek. His skin is so smooth beneath your touch, you want to touch it forever.

“You don’t even have to ask.” He nods. “You’re always allowed to stay with me.”

Jaemin tells the boys you’re leaving. Chenle and Jisung halt their argument to give you a hug, and even Renjun allows Jeno some breathing time so he can say goodbye, too. Jaemin’s place isn’t far from Chenle’s, so you sit in silence for the ride, sleep threatening to take over on the way.

His fingers intertwine with yours over the center console, and his thumb rubs gently on your skin. You hum in content.

“Don’t fall asleep yet,” he whispers, careful not to startle you. “We’re almost there, my love.”

You try your best to listen to him. When you finally pull into his building’s parking lot, you’re barely able to keep your eyes open.

This week had been extra long, and you weren’t sure if you’d be able to go to Chenle’s tonight in the first place. You’re glad you did, but you’d much rather be curled up with Jaemin. He unbuckles his seatbelt and gets out, striding over to your side of the car.

Opening your door, he reaches across you to take your seatbelt off. “You okay? Do you want me to carry you?”

“Carry me? Jaem, you live on the fourth floor. I’ll be fine, just help me up.” You hold your hand out to him, but he clicks his tongue and slides his hands beneath your back and knees.

“You underestimate me,” he teases you, pulling you into his chest. “I’ll get you upstairs.”

Instead of arguing, you let your head fall onto his chest and you listen to his steady heartbeat. You’ve been together for six months now, and everything has been perfect. At this point, you’re pretty sure you want to marry Jaemin. You don’t know if he feels the same way, but you know you’d be damn lucky if that’s how things go.

He’s caring. Loving. All the things you could ever ask for. Hell, he’s carrying you into his apartment building so you don’t have to walk. He’ll make breakfast in the morning like he always does when you stay the night, and he’ll brush your hair and braid it if you want.

When you finally make it up to the fourth floor (via elevator, thankfully for Jaemin), his heart is still steady in his chest, and he brings you inside his apartment easily. He immediately brings you into his bedroom, setting you on his bed.

“Want a shirt, love?” he asks, heading over to his dresser.

“Please.” Your eyes are closed as you rest on his pillow, sinking into the soft mattress as if you’re on top of a cloud.

Jaemin grabs one for you, helping you sit up so he can help you take your blouse off. He pulls it over your head, the cotton fabric settling on your skin. It smells of his laundry detergent, so you take a deep breath to appreciate it.

“Okay,” he mutters. “Lay down now.”

He guides you back down, and he finds the button on your jeans. You aide him in taking them off of you, and then he kneels on the floor next to you, eye level with you.

“I love you,” he says, brushing your hair behind your ear. “Forever. I promise.”

“Me too,” you reply, voice quiet. “Love you forever.”

With a soft smile, he leans forward to kiss your forehead. “Get some sleep, my love. I’ll be back to cuddle in a few minutes.”

You watch him walk into his bathroom, but you’re fast asleep before he comes back out.

Forever. You scoff at your ceiling. What a concept. A novelty, really. You’re not even sure if it exists at this point. If a man like Jaemin wasn’t your forever, who the hell would be? Nobody interested you enough. You don’t think you want Jaemin anymore, but you don’t want anyone else either.

A cat. That’s what you need.

You try to distract yourself with the thought of that, but it doesn’t take long for another memory to completely consume you.

“Is this okay?” he asks, chest heaving while he hovers above you as his hand rubs up and down your side. “Tell me if you’re not comfortable.”

“I love you,” you tell him easily, as if the words are second-nature when they come to him. “I’m ready. I want you.”

Seven months in, and you and Jaemin were just now preparing to have sex for the first time. You’d touched each other, explored each other, but he always insisted he wanted it to be perfect. This, you decide, is perfect. He’s perfect. Nothing about him makes you nervous, and you’re more than ready to take the next step with him.

Neither of you are virgins, but it’d obviously been a while for you both. He lines himself up with your entrance and groans.

“You’re so wet,” he murmurs, as if he’s mesmerized. “I love you.”

To quell his nerves, you pull him down into a soft kiss, letting your mouths work together in perfect harmony while he slowly, carefully pushes inside you. His lips part, still pressed to yours, once he’s fully in.

Your eyes desperately want to flutter shut, but you don’t dare look away from him right now. He stays there for a moment, relishing in the feeling of the two of you finally being connected like this. Jaemin is deeply sentimental, so you know how much it means for him to take this step with you.

“You’re so beautiful,” he groans, taking your bottom lip between his teeth and tugging gently. “God, you feel so good.”

A small whimper leaves you at the sensation, and you rock your hips in response. “Move,” you tell him.

He drops his head to your neck, kissing, sucking, and nipping as he sets his pace. Oh so careful not to break you, he moans into your skin, the vibrations making your whole body tremble. The slide of him against your walls is intoxicating, and all you can do is take it, legs locked firmly around him as he takes you to a new world.

“Jaem.” You sigh, running your fingers through his hair for encouragement.

He continues to thrust, his breathing starting to increase when he gets closer to the edge. Without missing a beat, he reaches between the two of you to rub circles on your clit. You moan a bit louder than you should, but you don’t care.

Suddenly, you’re floating, brain going fuzzy when you reach heights you never thought you could. Your back arches into his body, nails digging into his shoulders as the world tilts off its axis.

“Shit,” he gasps, hips bucking. “You’re squeezing me so tight.”

You let out a shuddering breath, body slumping when you land from your free fall. Weaving your fingers through his hair, you pull him up to kiss you, swallowing his breathy whine as he cums.

Both of you sit there for a few moments, the only sounds are from the panting. He rests more of his weight on top of you, enveloping you in all the heat pouring out of his body. With a sweet kiss, he hums into your mouth.

“We’re gonna have to do that again.” He chuckles, his nose nuzzling your cheek. “You’re so fucking perfect.”

“Says you,” you retort.

“I’m so serious.” Jaemin frowns at you. “I’m going to make love to you forever. We’ll get old and gray and I’ll still find you sexy.”

You laugh, smacking his chest. “You’re ridiculous. But you better mean that.”

“I’ve never meant anything more.”

When Saturday rolls around, you head into your closet to pick out an outfit. You don’t want to wear anything too fancy, but not too casual either. Settling on a flowy, pale pink top and a pair of jeans, staring at yourself in the mirror for much too long.

No part of today has to be weird. You’ll show up, have a great night, go home, and repeat it again the next week. Even knowing that, you’re more nervous for tonight than you were for your interview yesterday.

You think you got the job, but you’d hear back for sure on Monday. Logically, you have nothing to worry about on either end.

You put Jaemin’s address into the map on your phone, and you see it’s not too far from your apartment. Donghyuck offered to pick you up, but you decided it’d be best if you got there on your own. That way, you don’t have to make Hyuck leave early if things aren’t going well for you.

You slide on your boots, checking your pockets to make sure you have everything before you walk out into the street. Locking the door behind you, you make your way over. It’s a little before six, but everyone knows you’re chronically early. Even when you and Jaemin were dating, you were at least fifteen minutes early for every occasion.

You’re excited to see Jaemin again, but you know you shouldn’t be. In fact, you distract yourself with the idea of all the other boys. You saw Hyuck already, but seeing all the others for the first time in years is going to be a great experience.

When you arrive at the building, you blink in surprise. With him being a successful businessman, you knew he probably didn’t live in the same place, but this one shocked you. It’s huge. There are probably dozens of floors, and you have to look at his text message again to see which one he’s on.

Twenty-four? Holy shit.

You step into the lobby, and the man at the front desk also serves as an elevator guard. When you approach, he raises his eyebrows at you.

“Where are you needing to go, ma’am?” he asks.

“Twenty-fourth floor, it doesn’t say a number on the text, though—”

“Let me call up there to confirm. What’s your name?”

“(Y/N),” you reply, shifting on your feet.

“One moment, please.” He grabs the phone off the hook and dials quickly. “Mr. Na, I have a woman here to see you. Her name is (Y/N).”

It only takes a second for the man to nod and hang up the phone. He bows his head to you and gestures behind him. “He said he’s expecting you.”

The doors part for you and you step inside, and somehow, the button for the twenty-fourth floor is already pressed. You wait patiently inside as you ascend, the nerves beginning to sink in. Jaemin might be expecting you, sure, but you’re probably going to be the first one there. You always are.

When the elevator dings and opens, you expect a hallway. Instead, you’re walking straight into Jaemin’s living room. The wall across from you is all glass, the buzzing city view below making your heart drop. Hardwood flooring covers the expanse of the room, a faux fireplace on with a large sectional in front of it, a coffee table, and several other seating arrangements.

A few bottles of rosé are in a bin of ice on the coffee table, with ten glasses set out. You frown, letting your mind wander on who they could be for.

“Oh, you’re here!” It’s not Jaemin’s voice you hear.

When you turn toward it, you’re surprised to see a woman. She’s beautiful, with long black hair and shining brown eyes, and it takes you less than a split second to realize who she is. What did you expect? Jaemin moved on, and you shouldn’t be surprised. Your ribcage shouldn’t be constricting as hard as it is right now, but you laugh as she gives you a hug.

“Sorry, I’m a hugger.” She chuckles as she pulls away from you. “I’ve heard so much about you. The boys get so crazy when good things happen. It’ll be nice to have another girl around here, Jiyoon and I are pretty close to insane. I’m Yeeun.”

She holds her hand out to you and you take it, overwhelmed by the information she’s given you. Jaemin walks out from the kitchen, his white button-down shirt sleeves rolled up to the elbows and the bottom hem tucked into a pair of blue jeans.

“Don’t scare her away.” Jaemin grins, shaking his head at her. “She’s kind of shy.”

“I’m not shy,” you retort.

“And that’s why you’re only one step inside, right?” Jaemin quirks an eyebrow, leaning his shoulder against the wall. “Make yourself at home. Lord knows everyone else does.”

“Where should I put my stuff?” I ask.

“The couch is fine. Everyone should be here soon.” Jaemin gestures over, but before you say anything else, he heads back into the kitchen.

“He’s so serious.” Yeeun cringes, walking with you to the couch. “Sometimes I think he’s got a stick in some places.”

“I can hear you,” Jaemin says.

You have to hold back another laugh.

“That’s the point,” she shouts back.

You take a seat and cross your legs, taking in the grandeur of Jaemin’s apartment. Various paintings hang on the walls and, in the midst of your concentration, something jumps in your lap. You gasp, throwing your hand over your mouth.

Thankfully, it’s just a kitten.

“Oh, that’s Luna.” Yeeun reaches over to give her a quick pet. “Jaemin’s got three cats. Luna, Lucy, and Luke. They kinda look similar, but you’ll learn them eventually.”

You stare at the animal in shock, wondering what convinced Jaemin to get three at once. Shrugging it off, you pick her up and hold her to your chest, running your hand over her soft fur.

“Chenle should be here any minute,” Yeeun says under her breath, glancing down at her phone. “Let me c—”

The elevator dings again, and Chenle walks in without a second thought. He tosses his jacket on the table and rolls his shoulders as if he’s done a bunch of work. Yeeun launches from the couch, and you can’t say you’re not relieved when you see her plant a kiss firmly on his lips. She’s not Jaemin’s girlfriend, she’s Chenle’s.

“You miss me after not seeing me for an hour?” he teases her, his arm wrapped around her waist.

“You’re so mean.” She scrunches her face, grabbing his hand and leading him over to the couch.

Chenle grins widely when he sees you and gives you a quick hug. “You finally decide to come back after five years?”

“Don’t be a brat.” You snort. “You’re elated I’ve returned.”

“We all are,” he says easily. “If I have to hear Hyuck cry one more time about you being thousands of miles away I might end him.”

“You and me both.”

“Oh, I had Yeeun come a little early. I knew you’d be atrociously early because you’re you, and I thought it might be weird with you and Jaemin alone, so…” Chenle lowers his voice.

“I appreciate you.” You smile, taking your spot back on the couch. “I’m okay, though. Really.”

Especially now that you know Jaemin’s not dating Yeeun.

“Chenle, I swear to God, if you eat all of this fucking board before everyone else gets here, I’m going to kill you.” Jaemin reenters, placing a charcuterie board down by the wine. “This took hours, dude.”

“I’ll leave it alone.” Chenle holds his hands up in mock surrender, sitting next to Yeeun and throwing his arm over her shoulders.

The next one to show up is Hyuck, who brings Mark in tow. They both hug you, and by now, conversation is flowing with everyone. Jeno is next, then Renjun and Jisung. You’re not sure what you were expecting from him, but he’s definitely turned into a grown up since the last time you’ve seen him.

“Holy shit,” you say, practically in awe. “Did you have seven growth spurts?”

“Actually, I think it was only one.” He laughs, patting your back. “I didn’t believe Hyuck when he said you were coming. Told him I’d have to see it with my own eyes first.”

When everyone is finally sitting down around the couch, you notice Chenle already eating some of the cheese. Jaemin glares at him, but he eventually gives up. You sit between Yeeun and Donghyuck, fading into the conversation in the way you used to. It warms your heart, and you have to fight the overwhelming feeling of having missed so much time.

Leaving was worth it. The experience you had was unlike any other, but you regretted not staying in contact with all of them—even Jaemin. Mark opens the wine first, pouring it into nine of the glasses.

“Where’s Jiyoon?” He frowns, directing his gaze to Jisung.

He shrugs. “She’ll be here soon. Her grandparents are in town, so she’s staying with her mom until they leave. But she shouldn’t be any later than seven-thirty.”

Your mind whirls at how they’re reacting to Jisung having a girlfriend like it’s normal. He’ll always be your baby brother in your eyes, regardless of blood relation.

“How’d your interview go?” Donghyuck asks you, roping you into the conversation.

“Oh, I think it went well. I find out for sure on Monday, so I’ll let you know.” You grin. “I’m ready to start making more money.”

“Why don’t you just come work for us?” Chenle offers. “I’m surprised Hyuck didn’t tell us you were looking for a job still.”

Donghyuck drops his head into his palm. “No shit, sherlock. Think about why I wouldn’t.”

“It doesn’t need to be like that,” Jaemin interjects, sighing. “(Y/N) and I are good. There’s no eggshells to walk on. Just let it go. Pretend it never happened.”

Pretend it never happened?

Your heart ping pongs around your chest, and you choke on your sip of wine. Everyone turns toward you and you chuckle nervously.

“Sorry. I wasn’t expecting this topic.” You set the glass down on the table, suddenly much less interested in it.

“If that’s what she wants, she can absolutely do that,” Jaemin continues. “If we’re ever going to be normal, we can’t be the only ones over it.”

You stare down at your lap, fidgeting with your hands as you try to ignore all the attention on you.

“Um.” You clear your throat. “I’m gonna go grab some water.”

You shoot up from your spot, darting into the kitchen before anyone can say anything else. Once you reach the island, you brace your palms on it to keep you afloat. You close your eyes and let out a deep breath.

“Hey,” Jaemin murmurs, stopping next to you. “Are you okay? I’m sorry if that was too much.”

“I’m fine.”

“Did I say something?” He furrows his eyebrows and shifts closer so you have to look at him.

“No, Jaemin, I promise. Everything’s good. I just need a minute.” You run your fingers through your hair and glance around the room. “Do you have water bottles?”

“In the fridge,” he replies.

Crossing his arms over his chest, he rests his back on the edge of the island, watching you as you grab one. You twist off the cap and take a sip.

“I don’t want you to be uncomfortable. That was never my intention.” Jaemin sighs.

“Regardless of your intention, I’m not uncomfortable. Everyone’s just so…different. But the same. And I missed you guys, you know? I missed Saturday nights and being around my favorite people, but it’s…Forget it. Please.”

“Okay.” He nods. “Come back out whenever you’re ready, then.”

Jaemin walks away from you, looking back once over his shoulder before he disappears around the corner. You bury your head in your hands, but you refuse to let anyone think you’re upset. About anything. Jaemin especially.

You take another drink of water before you follow him out to the living room. When you make it back to your spot between Hyuck and Yeeun, he leans over to whisper, “I got up to follow you and he looked like he would rip my head off if I moved another muscle.”

You snort. “Yeah, sure.”

Shortly after that incident, Jiyoon finally shows up. She’s a bit taller than Yeeun, with dyed blonde hair and brown eyes. Jisung introduces the two of you, and she greets you kindly. Mark fills her glass and hands it to her.

 You hear funny stories from Jeno, listen to Renjun scolding Jisung about something, and rest your head on Hyuck’s shoulder. He doesn’t seem to mind, so you don’t plan on moving. He’s having a heated discussion about something to do with stocks with Jaemin and Mark. You happily tune them out, because you have no idea what they’re talking about.

You finish your glass of wine and pour yourself another one. Chenle’s taken care of most of the charcuterie board by now, and Yeeun is showing him videos on her phone. You take a moment to appreciate everyone around you, something you never did before, and realize change may not be a bad thing.

Yes, everyone is different, but so are you. It’s magical when people grow up in the same direction, even past time, distance, and space. They’re all the same at their core, but older. Wiser. Happier. More mature.

You’re on your third glass by the time the night deepens. It must be past ten o’clock at this point, but you don’t feel tired at all. You’re surprised when Chenle and Yeeun leave first. They both hug you on their way out.

Apparently, they broke the seal, because Jisung and Jiyoon are next, followed closely by Renjun. Jeno doesn’t leave until eleven, and Mark and Donghyuck are packing up to leave as well.

“Do you need a ride home?” Hyuck asks.

“I’m okay.” You shake your head. “I’ll leave in a few minutes, don’t worry.”

He hesitates, but eventually listens to you. You’re left alone with Jaemin, much to your surprise, and he’s not kicking you out at the first opportunity he gets.

“Did you want help cleaning up?” you question.

“There’s not much to clean,” Jaemin replies, standing from his seat. “I won’t say no to help though.”

“Of course.” You chuckle and get up, brushing off your jeans. 

Grabbing a few of the glasses, you carry them into the kitchen and put them by the sink. Between the two of you, you’ve got everything in the kitchen within a few minutes.

“I’m glad you came,” Jaemin says, running the water to rinse out the dishes.

“Me too.” It’s not a lie. You love being in this group, but you wonder if there was a better way to ease back in.

“I…Can I say something?” he asks. “If it’s too weird, you can tell me no.”

“By all means.”

“You know I’m not mad at you, right? I’m not bitter and I don’t hate you. I missed you a lot, actually. But I don’t want you to think you can’t come around because of me.” He pauses, taking his bottom lip between his teeth. “I’m really proud of you. Of all the things you’ve accomplished, and I know we couldn’t have done the same things if we had stayed together.”

You don’t mean to let out a relieved breath, but his words take a weight off your shoulders. “Thank you, Jaem. I’m proud of you too.”

“Have one more drink with me? For old times’ sake?” 

“I’d love that.”

So that’s how you end up next to Jaemin on his couch, his feet kicked up on his coffee table. You make jokes, talk about everyday things, but the more you drink, the more you crave to know about the past, about what happened after you left.

“Is the past off-limits?” You turn to look at him, almost blushing when you realize how close his face is to yours.

“I don’t think so.” He shakes his head. “But for every question you ask me, I get to ask you one.”

“That sounds like a good deal.” You smile. “But you go first.”

He gives you a half-smile before pursing his lips as he thinks. “Was it easy for you? Over there, I mean.”

“I wouldn’t say it was easy. It’s hard to pinpoint the exact experience because things are so different here…but I don’t think I’d go back. It was a good experience, and I loved it, but this is where I belong.” You stop, contemplating your own question. “How were you?”

“Is complete honesty okay?” He quirks an eyebrow.

“It’s preferred, actually.” You take another sip.

“It took me a long time to recover. And I don’t want to make you feel bad, because what’s done is done, and we both needed the room to grow. You know, if you never hurt, you’ll never learn. Life is full of learning experiences. But yeah, I was a mess for a while. I loved you long after you left.” He smiles, as if loving you is a fond memory. “Do you miss me?”

Present tense. Miss. Not did you miss me, but do you miss me.

You chuckle, pursing your lips. “Yeah, I do.”

When you meet his gaze again, you see the soft look he gave you whenever he saw you before. He gulps, wetting his lips. Your heart twists in your chest as you realize what this means for you. No matter how much time passes, you’ll never stop loving Jaemin. It doesn’t matter how far apart you’ve been or for how long, because all of you yearns for all of him.

Your voice shakes when you ask your next question. “Where would we be if I hadn’t left? If I changed that, would everything be different?”

“Um.” He’s only inches away from you, studying your face with fervor. “In my mind, I definitely thought we’d be married by now. In love and happy, making babies that hopefully look more like you.”

You try not to let the tears form, but they sting your eyes anyway.

“Is that what you wanted?” he whispers.

“Well, I kinda wanted them to look more like you, but yeah.” You laugh as a tear falls, and you move to wipe it away, but Jaemin beats you to it. His thumb swipes across your cheek.

You’re not sure what’s happening between the two of you, but every part of you craves this.

“We were pretty great, huh?”

“Is that your question?” He smiles. “Because yeah, we were.”

“If that was mine, that one counted as yours too.” You lean into his touch, letting the warmth seep through your skin. “God, I wish it had been you. I wish you were the one.”

His lips part, but it sounds as if his words catch in his throat. He blinks rapidly for a second, gulping. “Who said I can’t be?”

He leans closer.

“I’m gonna kiss you now.”

Your heart drops, but you give him a tiny nod, aching for him. “Jaemin.”

He stops right before your mouths connect, and he lets out a sigh.

“Jaemin,” you repeat. “I have to say something first.”

“Okay.”

“I thought I got over you, but it’s only because I didn’t see you for years. Being with you right now…I might still love you, and if you’re not kissing me for the same reasons, we should stop before we both get hurt again.” You clench your eyes shut, refusing to look at him while you make a fool of yourself.

“I was hoping you’d say that.” He doesn’t give you the chance to respond, kissing you hard. You melt into him, much like the ways you used to.

He shifts to cup both of your cheeks, his mouth working against yours in that perfect harmony you’d only ever found with him. You grasp onto his sleeves. When he pulls away, he rests his forehead on yours.

“I…” he trails off, wetting his lips. “I want you.”

His voice is raspy as he says it, and it sends heat between your legs. You clench your thighs together.

“Me too,” you reply. “I want you, too.”

“Are you sure?” he asks.

“Of course.” You lean forward to kiss him, and as your lips meet his, he pulls you onto his lap. Straddling him, you weave your fingers in his hair and hold him close to you.

His hands dip down to your ass, squeezing it and pushing you a bit forward. You groan when you feel his tongue slide across your bottom lip, and you give him access. Without a fight, you let him dominate your mouth. When you grind down, you gasp when you feel him hardening beneath you.

“You’re so perfect,” he whispers, only breaking the kiss for a split second.

He lets out a small whine when you pull away from him, but he’s quickly silenced when you tug your blouse over your head. While he stares at your black lace bra, you work on unbuttoning his shirt.

 “Not here,” he interrupts you, grabbing your hands. “There’s only one place I want to have you right now.”

He stands, holding onto you tightly while you wrap your legs around his waist. For a brief second, you think about what Hyuck would say to you right now—if he would be okay with it or if he would call it a mistake—but you chase the thought away as fast as it comes.

Jaemin carries you to his bedroom, kicking the door shut behind him. He sets you delicately onto his bed, the familiar softness making you sigh. After he finishes taking his shirt off, he climbs on top of you, kissing your cheek, your jawline, down the pulse thundering in your neck, your collarbone, the swells of your breasts. He leaves marks on them before continuing his descent.

And then he’s at the hem of your jeans. He looks up at you, eyebrows raised. “Can I?”

“Please.”

Jaemin is a unique lover. He memorizes all the things you love, what makes you tick, and what he can do to elevate your pleasure. You’ve never had to fake it with him.

“It’s been a while for me,” he mutters. “It might not be…the best.” He clears his throat awkwardly, but pops the button and unzips the zipper.

“I’ll be happy with whatever you can give me,” you say.

His confidence returns after that, and he moves to tug your pants down your legs. You try your best to help him get them off of you, and he finally makes it back between your legs. He rubs his thumb over the obvious wet spot in your panties, humming to himself.

“Time doesn’t change how wet you get for me, huh?” He tsks, pressing a kiss to your clit through the fabric.

When he tugs them down, he admires you before leaning forward. You don’t expect the electric shock you feel when his mouth comes in contact with your core, but it has your back arching when he’s hardly done anything. Your hand immediately finds his hair, gripping it.

His tongue slides along your entrance, barely dipping inside before flicking your clit. He teases you like this a few times, but then his lips wrap around your sensitive bud and he sucks. His fingers trail up your thigh, and he extracts a moan from you when he pushes them inside you.

You inadvertently clench your thighs around his head. He moans against you, the vibrations sending pleasure shooting up your spine. You don’t mean to push him closer to you, but you can’t help it. Everything inside you feels like it’s crumbling and coming together at the same time under his ministrations.

You writhe much more than you should, and if it were anyone other than Jaemin, you’d be embarrassed.

“You taste so good,” he groans against you, thrusting his fingers faster. “So beautiful when you drip for me like this.”

He curls his fingers, and you slap a hand over your mouth to muffle your pleasure. One last flick of his tongue on your clit has your back arching, the bubble bursting inside you as you grind into his face.

After he’s helped you ride through your high, you sit up, sending him back a bit. You quickly reach for his pants, squeezing the prominent bulge before undoing the button and zipper. He steps out of them , pulling you toward the edge of the bed.

“We don’t have to,” he says, breathless. “We can wait if you’re not sure.”

“Jaem,” you reply, cupping his cheeks. “I’ve never wanted you more than I do right now.” You tug him down, kissing him with all your might. You taste yourself on him, but it does little to bother you. All you want is him.

His tongue explores your mouth while he finds the clasp of your bra. He pulls it away from you, guiding you back down onto the bed. His kiss trails down once more, stopping at your breast so he can take your nipple into his mouth. He swirls it, teeth gently scraping.

Finally, he’s shoving his underwear down and grabbing a condom from his nightstand. He rolls it on before joining you on the bed once more, and you feel his tip prodding at your entrance.

“You’re absolutely sure?” He pauses, giving as serious of a look as he can muster. “If we do this, you’re mine again, you know that, right?”

“I’ve always been yours, Jaemin,” you remind him, lifting your hips. “That never changed.”

You barely have time to finish your sentence before he’s pushing inside you, face contorting with pleasure as he bottoms out. Heart pounding, you grip onto his shoulders and wrap your legs around his waist.

“You okay?” he whispers, leaning down to kiss your neck. His eyelashes flutter across your skin, your body already slightly sticky from a thin sheen of sweat from your first indescribable high.

“Please move,” you whimper.

Jaemin moves slowly at first, allowing you both to get used to the feeling of being connected again. It’d be a long while since you’d done anything, too. He pants, nipping and sucking at the sensitive part of your throat.

His hips rock steadily, making sure to press as deep as he can every time. You're already a moaning mess below him, holding onto him for dear life.

“I’m sorry,” he says softly. “I’m not gonna last long.”

In response, you tighten your legs around him and flip him over, leaving him on his back and you on top. His eyes trail all over your body. You roll your hips. He sits up, grabbing your waist and pressing your chest against his, his dark, hardened gaze meeting yours as if this is a challenge.

“Lay back,” you tell him, running your hand down the hard planes of his chest as you gently push him back down. “Just watch.”

He gulps, but does as you say. His hands relax on you and he allows you to set your own pace. You lift up, shuddering at how he feels rubbing on your walls. His fingers twitch as if he wants to pull you back down.

“Baby,” he groans.

You set a steady pace, a bit faster than what his was. He traces down your body, leaving goosebumps in his wake as he moves downward until his thumb is pressed to your clit. You bite your lip to stop your moan, leaning back and bracing yourself on his thighs. He’s a mess beneath you, pleasure written across his face. It makes you want to do more, to work harder to bring him to his edge.

You’re so wet, slick sounds of him entering you fill the silence between sounds of euphoria. His thumb glides back and forth so easily, you have to pick up the speed. Everything around you begins to go fuzzy, and you know you’re approaching your second orgasm of the night much faster than you’d like.

Mid-way through your lift-up, your high hits, forcing you back down on his cock to finish with him buried deep inside, stretching you out. He sits back up, guiding you up and down as you slump onto his chest. He meets you halfway, thrusting up as he pulls you down.

He lets out a deep groan and holds you close to him, gently rocking his hips. He gasps for breath, pressing gentle kisses to your shoulder.

“I love you,” Jaemin whispers. “Don’t go again.”

“I’m not going anywhere.” You shake your head. “I love you, too.”

He opens his mouth to say something, but you both frown when you hear the elevator ding.

“Who is that?” you ask, climbing off of him on shaky legs to try and find your clothes.

“Not a clue.” Jaemin frowns, quickly disposing of the condom and putting his underwear and pants back on. He comes back to kiss your cheek. “Stay here. I’ll be right back.”

He walks out into his living room, but you get dressed quickly so you can follow him out. You hear him conversing with someone, but you’re not sure who it is. You’re finally back in your jeans and shirt, so you head out to check out what’s going on.

You know your hairs a mess, your makeup is definitely smeared, and your face is red, and on top of all of that, you’re coming out of Jaemin’s room. Anyone with a brain would see what’s going on.

Chenle moves over to the couch and grabs a purse, which is presumably Yeeun’s, and claps Jaemin on the shoulder before he notices you.

“(Y/N)?” He blinks in surprise, glancing between you and Jaemin. “This is a new development.”

“It’s not really that new,” Jaemin says. “Um, we were kind of…busy, though. If you could…”

“Right.” Chenle shakes his head. “Right. You two have fun. Not too much fun, and make sure no one gets hurt this time, please?”

“Are you going to tell Donghyuck?” You scrunch up your nose.

“I’ll give you a twenty-four hour head start.” He grins, saluting you both. “Take care of each other, dipshits.”

You massage your forehead with a sigh, and Jaemin approaches you.

“You got dressed.” He pouts.

“Well, yeah. Somebody was here.” You chuckle.

“Were you wanting to leave?” he asks, eyebrows furrowing. “It’s okay if you do, I just…thought we’d spend the night together.”

“I don’t want to leave,” you tell him. “I told you I’m not leaving you again, Jaem. I meant it.”

“Then let’s get back to bed.” Jaemin massages your shoulders gently as he guides you back to his room.

He gets you a T-shirt to wear to bed, and once you’ve changed into it, you crawl onto his mattress and wait for him to join you. Instead, he stares at you, a smile on his face.

“I never thought I’d get you like this again.”

“You were always the one for me, Jaemin. It just wasn’t the right time.” You rest your head on one of his pillows, patting the spot next to you. “Now come over here.”

He finally listens, climbing under the comforter and pulling you to him until you’re pressed into his chest.

Kissing the top of your head, he hums. “We’ll have everything we ever wanted.”

like him

snap!

"shit" is all jaemin can think as the girl he didnt even bother asking for a name peppers sloppy kisses along his neck. Her touch suddenly feeling nauseating as the flashes keep going off.

In a quick move Jaemin pushes the mystery girl off of him, hoping and praying that the camera was all his own imagination.

"What's wrong-" the puzzled girl starts before he cuts her off.

"Please just get out of the car I need to go." Jaemin says in a slur of words trying to get her out as quickly as possible. "But Jaem-"

"Please. Get out." Sternly he looks at her while unlocking his doors awaiting her leave.

"Ugh you're such a dick Na Jaemin." pouting the girl leaves the car and slams the door to head back to wherever she came from.

In the silence of the car his heart beats out of his chest before rushing home. But not before stopping at a flower shop to pick up a peony boquet. Your favorite.

•

Standing outside of your shared apartment Jaemin can only hope some higher power out there really can hear him and help him out. They just took the pictures, theres no way they've gone around yet. he tries to convince himself but being in this buisness for as long as he has, he'll be lucky if they aren't plastered on billboards right now.

With one final breath, boquet in hand as the other shakily reaches for the knob he goes in.

Relief washes over his anxious mind when he sees you watching television with nothing but nonchalance on your face as you witness the characters on screen laughing.

"Hey pretty lady" coyly he says as he approaches your shared couch with the boquet behind his back. Feeling relieved by the second realizing you havent seen anything yet.

"Hey Jaem" you say with the usual smile on your face. Skeptically eyeing him as he approaches with his hands behind his back. Finally standing in front of you he crouches down to land a kiss on your cheek before revealing the boquet he bought you.

"Aw you didn't have to babe." with a smile on your face you plant a kiss on a beaming Jaemin before getting up to look for a vase.

"Just felt like getting my princess something." Jaemin says following behind you before grasping your arm to pull you into his chest. Embracing you before planting a kiss on your forehead.

"Whats up with you today?" you giggle looking up at your boyfriend who can only grin back at you in order to mask his anxieties of you figuring him out. "Can't I just love my girlfriend?" Jaemin says before reaching in for another kiss.

"Which one?" you ask. His heart stops as the color begins to drain from his face.

"'nct Jaemin caught in car with girlfriend'" recalling the title of the article name as you look up at his aghast face. "I didn't know we went on a date today" you continue with not a single change in the smile you send his way. "From what I remember I've been here all day."

Jaemin's mouth opening and closing trying to form words but with no avail. All he can feel is guilt. In an attempt to save himself he starts "I don't know what you're talking about babe." he tries but fails.

"Jaemin" seperating from his grasp feeling repulsed you gulp down the lump forming in your throat. "Don't act stupid with me, I saw everything. The pictures the articles, everything." Unable to keep up the facade your face drops as your emotions finally come up to the forefront. Jaemin watches as your clear eyes become glossy with a blink, the way your face contorts into that of heartbreak and betrayal.

"B-baby you know those tabloids lie-" he lets out hesitantly trying to convince you to believe him as he walks towards you.

"Stop." finally the tears breaking through your eyes down your face all you can do is cry before continuing. "Please Jaemin, just leave I really don't want to play this game with you just please." All he can do is watch with unease as the one girl he shouldve loved and protected is hurting because of him.

"Please baby it was a misunderstanding, I don't even know that girl-"

"So all these years we spent together was worth a girl you didn't even know? Thats all we amount to? That's all I amount to? Because you couldn't keep your dick in your pants you decided to throw it all away?" through your messy tears you continue to break down. "You threw me away for a short high Jaemin." Throwing the boquet at his feet you finish. "I hope it was worth it."

Trying to push past his way Jaemin grabs your wrist. "Please baby I'm sorry it didn't mean anything." going on his knees to express his sincerity. Refusing to meet his eyes you attempt to pull your arm away to no avail as he brings your hand to his lips and lands a chaste kiss before sliding it to his cheek. "I know I fucked up please baby I promise I'll make it up to you." Jaemin continues to spill out to try and break through to you. All you could do is let out an exasperated laugh before finally looking at him kneeled before you with pleading eyes. The same eyes that promised you his future, the eyes that had all the answers you needed. The same eyes that threw it all away for a second of bliss.

Hurt and anger leaving you feeling nauseated as the tears kept falling down your face. You felt so betrayed that he could do this to you and so unabashedly beg for your forgiveness after crushing your heart like it was something as accessible as whats under his pants.

"You promised me you wouldn't be like him Jaemin. You promised you wouldn't hurt me the way he did." is all you could cry out without continuing to break down. And just like that Jaemin is left stumped trying to find words that won't come out, any word that he hoped would change your mind but nothing formed because he knew he lost you.

All the feelings of betrayal, insecurity, heartache, grief, new and old consumed you as the wounds in your heart continued to drive deeper with every aching memory that rushes back to you until all you feel is complete numbness watching the man who was once the love of your life hurt you in unimaginable ways. With not another word you turn around, walk out that door and never turn back.

the 1 [NJM] (M)

Description: Six years ago, you decided to move away to a different country to go to school. The catch? You had to leave Jaemin behind, and you refused to drag him along. Now you're back and, for some reason, he doesn't quite seem to hate you in the way you thought he would.

(this is inspired by the Taylor Swift song by the same name, listen to it here)

Genre: Fluff/Smut/Angst TRIPLE THREAT (?? am i okay)

Content Warnings: Explicit sex, break ups, the angst isn't too bad I don't think. Just break up stuff l o l (also don't judge any typos or repetitions I didn't edit this because I wrote this whole thing today someone save me from myself) (also also I am totally working on all requests still, I just get random inspo sometimes and when it hits, it hits)

Word Count: 10,012 (yoo for why did I make this so long help)

Pairing: Na Jaemin x Reader (this is a non-canon AU, Jaemin is a lil businessman and the rest of Dream make appearances here. PS, Best Friend!Donghyuck y'all)

Juliet's Masterlist

Honestly, you never thought you’d make your way back to Seoul. Not when you didn’t have much to come back to. Leaving for college was the scariest decision you’d ever made, but you’re so much better off for it. The experience of living in another country—even if it just for school—is the best thing you’ve ever done.

But Seoul is home. Home is where the heart is, and yours has always resided here, even long after you left. You wonder about the friends you left behind, knowing you haven’t been the best at keeping up with them.

You especially think of Jaemin. The two of you were both twenty-two when you left and, at the time, you would’ve said you were in love with him. You’d been dating for a year before you made your decision.

You don’t think of him in a way that you still have feelings for him, but rather, you want the best for him. If anything, you want to know he’s been as successful as you after you walked away from him.

“America?” Jaemin raises his eyebrows, recoiling at the thought. “I mean, that’s a great opportunity, but wouldn’t it be hard?”

“Of course, it’ll be hard. I think I need to do this before it’s too late for me.” You look down at your hands to avoid eye contact with him. The last thing you want to do is break his heart. Hell, you’ll be breaking your own, too. But being in love with Jaemin doesn’t mean you have to stop everything going on in your life to make sure you keep him.

“How long?” he asks.

“The standard degree path is four years over there, but it could take longer.”

He pauses, gulping. “Wow. You’ll be gone for four years?”

“Yeah.” You pick at your nails and clear your throat. “This is…This is a once in a lifetime opportunity, Jaem. I can’t miss it.”

“I know. I wouldn’t want you to. Um, I guess I’m just nervous as to what that means for us.”

“I love you.” You reach for his hand, intertwining your fingers. “I love you so much, but I can’t ask you to wait for me for four years. Or longer.”

“It’s not like we won’t talk. We have calls, FaceTime, we have everything. However long you need, we’ll work it out.” He tilts his head. At your hesitation, worry spreads across his face.

“I…I don’t know if I’ll come back at all, is what I mean.” You finally meet his gaze and watch the shock course through him.

“Okay, then I’ll move there, too,” he replies, as if it were simple. His forehead wrinkles as he frowns. “If that’s what you want, I can do that. We’ve only been together a year, (Y/N), that’s not long enough for me. I need forever. I promised you forever and I meant it.”

“I won’t ask you to do that.” You shake your head, feeling your eyes well with tears. “Your family’s here. Your friends. We both know you wouldn’t want to move away from your mom forever.”

Jaemin lets out a short breath, tugging his hand away from yours and running it through his hair. “So that’s it? There’s no way I can convince you?”

“You deserve someone who wants the same things you do. The same life. If I can’t give that to you, someone else will. I love you, but sometimes, love isn’t always enough if we’re being pulled in different directions.”

“I won’t just forget about you. You’re just going to disappear?” He wipes away a tear, rolling his eyes.

“You don’t have to forget about me. I’m not forgetting about you. I just need to do something for myself, and I can’t force you along with me.”

The barista jolts you from your trance, asking you if there’s something she can help you with. You clear your throat, hoping you’ll be able to talk past the lump in your throat. After ordering your favorite coffee, you stand off to the side to wait for it.

The door dings behind you, but you think nothing of it. You continue about your business, checking your phone for the time and waiting for your drink. A message comes through from your friend Donghyuck asking if you’d gotten everything settled already.

You and Jaemin had the same friend group. That’s how you met, actually. Donghyuck brought you over to one of their group hang outs, and you and Jaemin clung to each other like glue. It was inevitable that you two would end up dating, and when you did, literally not one of them were surprised.

You send him a quick message back saying everything’s good, and then the barista calls your name. Smiling at her, you walk up to grab the steaming hot cup. Nearly groaning to yourself about how good it smells, you turn around to walk toward the door.

That’s when you see him.

Jaemin.

You haven’t seen him in years. Sure, you still had each other on social media, but you never went out of your way to look at him. Five years has done him well and, at first, you’re unsure if you should say anything. He’s staring right at you, but it doesn’t feel like an invitation. It feels weird.

He’s clearly not the same Jaemin he was, but he’s Jaemin.

And right when you think he’s going to storm off in the other direction and want nothing to do with you, he smiles widely and approaches you. His smile is as gorgeous as it was before, maybe even more so. Normally, this would do little to bother you. You two ended on somewhat good terms, so there’s no reason for either of you to be holding a grudge all this time later.

He wears black pants with a pale pink button-down tucked into them. There isn’t another word to describe him other than divine. He looks good. 

With his hands buried in his pockets, he makes his way over. “I thought that was you.”

“Yeah, it’s me.” You laugh shortly, surprised that you don’t feel too awkward now that he’s in front of you. “Wow, how long has it been?”

As if you don’t know.

“Five years?” he says it like a question. “It hasn’t been that long since we’ve talked though. I guess things are just hard with time zones, aren’t they?”

You give an exaggerated nod. “Totally get that. Well, how have you been?”

“Busy.” He snorts, widening his eyes. “Busy like you wouldn’t believe. Did you end up getting your degree over there? Have you been to see Donghyuck yet?”

“I got the very expensive piece of paper, yes. And I haven’t seen him yet, no. I got back two days ago and have been trying to get things settled before I take a break.” You sip your coffee, almost sighing at the taste of vanilla on your tongue.

“I’m proud of you.” He purses his lips. “Not sure if that means much, but I am. I’m glad it worked out the way you wanted.”

“Thank you. It means a lot, especially from you. What did you decide to do here?” you ask him, tilting your head a bit.

“I’m surprised you didn’t hear,” Jaemin says. “Renjun, Chenle, Jeno, and I opened a business a couple years back. We’ve been doing pretty well, but it doesn’t really leave us with much time for anything else.”

“Holy shit, Jaem, that’s awesome.” You can’t help but grin at him. “I always knew you guys were destined for great things.”

You think back to when you’d hang out with all of them—Jaemin, Mark, Renjun, Jeno, Donghyuck, Chenle, and Jisung. Every Saturday night, you’d all get together for drinks at someone’s house, a constant rotation of happiness, friendship, and pure adoration. You love all of them, albeit in different ways, you feel a strong connection to them all. Being without them for so long has certainly made you nostalgic, but you’re sure you’ll at least see some of them now that you’re back.

You’re not sure if Jaemin will ever be comfortable hanging out with you. Neither of you were particularly bitter in your breakup, but it wasn’t mutual. You didn’t even want it, and he certainly didn’t either. But Jaemin has always been understanding—almost to a fault. He would never ask you to do something if it was against what you wanted to do.

“You know.” He pauses, running his tongue over his teeth. “Are you busy? I’m on my lunch, so if you want to catch up a little, I have the time.”

You hesitate, unsure if it’s a good idea. Before you and Jaemin dated, he was an excellent friend, too. Your only worry at this point is if things will be awkward between the two of you, but it doesn’t seem to be that way yet.

“Yeah, actually.” You take another sip of your coffee, cradling your jacket over your arm to your chest.

He gives you another dazzling smile and gestures over to a small table by the window. “After you.”

You sit down, shrugging your purse from your shoulder and hanging it from the back of the chair. He follows your lead, black hair falling like a curtain over his forehead as he leans forward to bring the seat closer. An odd urge to brush it away overtakes you, but you grab your coffee instead.

Your past with Jaemin is long gone. He’s definitely moved on to bigger, better things, and so have you. Your time in America wasn’t wasted, and you knew from Donghyuck the moment Jaemin moved on from you. It didn’t hurt the way you thought it would. You wanted him happy and cared for, and if you couldn’t do it, you hoped and prayed someone else would.

That was three years ago, but Donghyuck never talked about Jaemin to you again, unless it was something small that happened in a group setting. At that point, you’d also moved on, so as long as he was alive and thriving, you didn’t need to hear about it. Everything was okay.

You’ll always hold an unmatched adoration for the man sitting in front of you. He was your first real love, but everyone knows not everything in your early twenties lasts. It’s true what they say—that you never truly forget your first love. That, and how once you love someone, you’ll always hold some sort of affection for them in your heart.

You tell Jaemin of all the things you got to do in America, and he listens intently. In turn, he tells you about his business and how they grew it from the ground up. It’s one of the largest companies in South Korea, and your heart warms with pride.

Everything you did makes sense. You did it for a good reason. If he had dropped everything and come with you to America, he wouldn’t be doing what he loves. Eventually, you were sure he would’ve grown to resent you if he had gone.

Before you know it, the two of you have been talking for well over an hour. Your coffee is gone, the small bit left at the bottom chilled. On a whim, he checks his watch and recoils in shock.

“Oh shit,” he murmurs. “I’m sorry, I didn’t even realize how long we’d been here.”

“It’s no big deal,” you reply, waving him off. “I’ll get going though.”

“Actually…So the guys and I still do Saturday nights. If you want to come this Saturday, it’s at my place. If you want, I can text you the address.” He taps his fingers on the table.

“Yeah, that sounds like a lot of fun. It’ll be nice to see everyone. I did get a new number though, so let me give it to you.” You reach into your purse for your phone so you can find it. Since you had to switch plans when you moved back, you don’t really know it yet either.

You read it off to him, and he purses his lips while he sends his address to you in a text message. Afterwards, he stands up and brushes off his pants.

“It’ll be just like old times. Jisung is finally old enough to drink, too.” Jaemin chuckles to himself before running his fingers through his hair to push it back. “I’ll see you Saturday? We start at six.”

“Absolutely. I’ll be there.” You watch as he retreats away from you, head held high as he walks out of the coffee shop. He was confident back when you dated, but he’s even more so, and for good reason. No matter what, it’s like he gets increasingly attractive as he ages.

As soon as he’s out of sight, you tap your cheeks to get the slight blush off of them. You didn’t expect to run into him like that, not so soon, but you’re glad you did. Everything happens for a reason, and you’re glad he’s okay with everyone hanging out. You’d hate to lose out on your friends because they have to pick sides.

The encounter stays heavy on your mind even until the next day when you’re supposed to meet Donghyuck for lunch. Your apartment is on the smaller side, since most of your savings was spent to get over here.

The living room is a little under furnished, but it’s nothing you won’t accumulate as time goes on. You have a soft loveseat, a TV mounted to the wall, and a small hallway off to the side that contains your kitchen and all the appliances. Your bedroom is on the left side, big enough only for your bed and a dresser.

You stand in front of the bathroom mirror, trying your best to look at least presentable. You’ve been exhausted lately. Moving countries, across the world, takes a toll on you. At least today is Thursday. You have a job interview tomorrow, and then you’ll get to see your friends on Saturday. Your heart aches for them. They were the best friends you ever had, a complete, close knit group of people who just function so well together. There wasn’t anything else in the world like it.

You go to the small sandwich shop, finding Donghyuck already sitting there waiting for you. His face lights up like a Christmas tree at the sight of you, and his chair scrapes across the floor as he hurries to get up and hug you. He squeezes you so tightly, you almost can’t breathe. You laugh anyway, returning the gesture the best you can.

“My God, I feel like I haven’t seen you in years!” he says, smiling widely. “Shit, you’re not allowed to move out of the country again.”

You roll your eyes, nudging him. “You came to visit six months ago.”

“Six months is still half a year, (Y/N). Never again.”

“Luckily for you, I do plan on staying.” You wait for him to release you before the two of you head over to the line to order.

“Every time I see you, it’s like you’ve grown up more.” Donghyuck fakes a pout, shaking his head. “Look at you, being an adult in the world.”

“Shut your mouth,” you say. “You’re only a year older than me.”

“A year is plenty of time for extra wisdom.” He crosses his arms over his chest, raising his eyebrows like his point is valid.

He orders for both of you, insisting on paying even though you’re about ready to wrestle his wallet out of his hands. It doesn’t matter if you had a billion dollars, he would still insist. That’s always what he’s been for you, your best friend. He takes care of you even when you don’t need it.

“So, when’s your interview?” he asks, accepting the cups from the person at the counter. Handing it to you, he leads you over to the fountain, filling his with Coke Zero.

“I’m glad to see some things never change.” You grin, picking your favorite drink as well. “It’s tomorrow. I’m hoping it works out, because job searching is so tiring.”

“Tell me about it. I’m sure it’ll go great. You’re multilingual and stuff. Employers love that shit.”

Before you respond, the order is ready. You two walk back to your table, conversing back and forth about random things. The conversation takes a turn, and you’re surprised when he actually brings it up.

“Jaemin said he invited you for Saturday.” Donghyuck sips his drink. “Are you going?”

You frown. “Well, yeah. I wouldn’t miss something like that. It’s been too long since I’ve seen everyone.”

“I know that. It’s not weird with you and him, though?”

“Not at all.” You chew the inside of your cheek as you contemplate. “I was worried it would be, but we caught up a little. He seems to be doing really well. If it’s not awkward for him, it won’t be for me. I’d love to be reinstated in the friend group.”

“Reinstated?” He scrunches his nose. “That implies that you were ever un-instated.”

“Is…is that a word?” You chuckle.

“I don’t know. Sounds right to me.” He shrugs, taking a large bite of his sandwich. “I did tell them you were coming back, but also that I didn’t know if you’d be comfortable with that. They all miss you. I swear, Jisung has been talking my ear off asking when we’ll all get together. He’ll be so happy you’re coming.”

Jisung has always been the baby of the group. Even as a full grown adult, you all treat him like a child. He doesn’t complain about it, and he feeds into it probably a bit more than he should. You learn Mark and Donghyuck live together, Jaemin, Chenle, and Jeno live in their own places, and Jisung and Renjun live together. You’re a bit shocked by the last pairing, but you don’t say anything about it.

“Just promise me that if it does get weird, you’ll tell me?”

“I’ll tell you. Promise.” You nod. “I don’t think it will. It was years ago, Hyuck. He moved on, I moved on, and we’re completely different people now. Neither of us are mad.”

“Good. It’ll be nice to have the family back together again.”

After lunch, Donghyuck drives you home. You thank him for the ride, and you head up to your apartment. Regardless of what you say out loud, your brain truly is whirling like crazy after your time with Jaemin.

You didn’t expect seeing him to send you for a loop like this, but you can’t help but think back to how happy you were with him. You two were…something. Maybe not perfect, but it was fun. Magnetic. Passionate. Everything you’ve tried to replicate, even though it’s impossible. No other man could ever be Jaemin.

Your mind drifts off, and you lose yourself in memories.

Saturday nights were a novelty. You sit on Chenle’s couch with Jaemin practically hung over you, the rest of the guys talking simultaneously and incredibly loudly. You didn’t mind it. In fact, you loved it. It reminded you how many people you had by your side, and how many of them were truly like you.

Jaemin kisses your temple, pausing there for a moment. It’s late, and you know he’s getting tired. Even though these are your best friends, you understand his need to wind down after a long night. You bring your wine glass up to your lips, finishing it off.

“Ready?” he asks softly.

You glance over at him and nod, smiling. “Yeah, let me go put this away.”

When you stand up, hardly anyone notices. Chenle and Jisung are basically yelling at each other about something you can’t discern. You laugh when Chenle argues with dramatic hand motions. That’s how you know it’s serious.

You’re pretty sure Renjun has Jeno in a headlock, but you go into the kitchen before you get a good look. It’s a bit quieter in here, and you take a deep breath. You place the glass gently into the sink, closing your eyes and craning your neck back in an attempt to relax. Saturday nights drain you in the best ways, and exhaustion is starting to creep in.

Before you know it, a pair of arms snake around your waist, tugging you back gently. You find yourself against Jaemin’s chest, and you instinctively lean your head on his shoulder.

“And I thought I was tired,” he mumbles, kissing your hairline. “Everything okay?”

“Yeah, I’m okay. Can I stay with you tonight?” You turn to face him, lost in the way the lights glitter in his deep brown eyes. He truly is the most beautiful man you’ve ever seen, and you don’t have to restrain yourself from reaching up to cup his cheek. His skin is so smooth beneath your touch, you want to touch it forever.

“You don’t even have to ask.” He nods. “You’re always allowed to stay with me.”

Jaemin tells the boys you’re leaving. Chenle and Jisung halt their argument to give you a hug, and even Renjun allows Jeno some breathing time so he can say goodbye, too. Jaemin’s place isn’t far from Chenle’s, so you sit in silence for the ride, sleep threatening to take over on the way.

His fingers intertwine with yours over the center console, and his thumb rubs gently on your skin. You hum in content.

“Don’t fall asleep yet,” he whispers, careful not to startle you. “We’re almost there, my love.”

You try your best to listen to him. When you finally pull into his building’s parking lot, you’re barely able to keep your eyes open.

This week had been extra long, and you weren’t sure if you’d be able to go to Chenle’s tonight in the first place. You’re glad you did, but you’d much rather be curled up with Jaemin. He unbuckles his seatbelt and gets out, striding over to your side of the car.

Opening your door, he reaches across you to take your seatbelt off. “You okay? Do you want me to carry you?”

“Carry me? Jaem, you live on the fourth floor. I’ll be fine, just help me up.” You hold your hand out to him, but he clicks his tongue and slides his hands beneath your back and knees.

“You underestimate me,” he teases you, pulling you into his chest. “I’ll get you upstairs.”

Instead of arguing, you let your head fall onto his chest and you listen to his steady heartbeat. You’ve been together for six months now, and everything has been perfect. At this point, you’re pretty sure you want to marry Jaemin. You don’t know if he feels the same way, but you know you’d be damn lucky if that’s how things go.

He’s caring. Loving. All the things you could ever ask for. Hell, he’s carrying you into his apartment building so you don’t have to walk. He’ll make breakfast in the morning like he always does when you stay the night, and he’ll brush your hair and braid it if you want.

When you finally make it up to the fourth floor (via elevator, thankfully for Jaemin), his heart is still steady in his chest, and he brings you inside his apartment easily. He immediately brings you into his bedroom, setting you on his bed.

“Want a shirt, love?” he asks, heading over to his dresser.

“Please.” Your eyes are closed as you rest on his pillow, sinking into the soft mattress as if you’re on top of a cloud.

Jaemin grabs one for you, helping you sit up so he can help you take your blouse off. He pulls it over your head, the cotton fabric settling on your skin. It smells of his laundry detergent, so you take a deep breath to appreciate it.

“Okay,” he mutters. “Lay down now.”

He guides you back down, and he finds the button on your jeans. You aide him in taking them off of you, and then he kneels on the floor next to you, eye level with you.

“I love you,” he says, brushing your hair behind your ear. “Forever. I promise.”

“Me too,” you reply, voice quiet. “Love you forever.”

With a soft smile, he leans forward to kiss your forehead. “Get some sleep, my love. I’ll be back to cuddle in a few minutes.”

You watch him walk into his bathroom, but you’re fast asleep before he comes back out.

Forever. You scoff at your ceiling. What a concept. A novelty, really. You’re not even sure if it exists at this point. If a man like Jaemin wasn’t your forever, who the hell would be? Nobody interested you enough. You don’t think you want Jaemin anymore, but you don’t want anyone else either.

A cat. That’s what you need.

You try to distract yourself with the thought of that, but it doesn’t take long for another memory to completely consume you.

“Is this okay?” he asks, chest heaving while he hovers above you as his hand rubs up and down your side. “Tell me if you’re not comfortable.”

“I love you,” you tell him easily, as if the words are second-nature when they come to him. “I’m ready. I want you.”

Seven months in, and you and Jaemin were just now preparing to have sex for the first time. You’d touched each other, explored each other, but he always insisted he wanted it to be perfect. This, you decide, is perfect. He’s perfect. Nothing about him makes you nervous, and you’re more than ready to take the next step with him.

Neither of you are virgins, but it’d obviously been a while for you both. He lines himself up with your entrance and groans.

“You’re so wet,” he murmurs, as if he’s mesmerized. “I love you.”

To quell his nerves, you pull him down into a soft kiss, letting your mouths work together in perfect harmony while he slowly, carefully pushes inside you. His lips part, still pressed to yours, once he’s fully in.

Your eyes desperately want to flutter shut, but you don’t dare look away from him right now. He stays there for a moment, relishing in the feeling of the two of you finally being connected like this. Jaemin is deeply sentimental, so you know how much it means for him to take this step with you.

“You’re so beautiful,” he groans, taking your bottom lip between his teeth and tugging gently. “God, you feel so good.”

A small whimper leaves you at the sensation, and you rock your hips in response. “Move,” you tell him.

He drops his head to your neck, kissing, sucking, and nipping as he sets his pace. Oh so careful not to break you, he moans into your skin, the vibrations making your whole body tremble. The slide of him against your walls is intoxicating, and all you can do is take it, legs locked firmly around him as he takes you to a new world.

“Jaem.” You sigh, running your fingers through his hair for encouragement.

He continues to thrust, his breathing starting to increase when he gets closer to the edge. Without missing a beat, he reaches between the two of you to rub circles on your clit. You moan a bit louder than you should, but you don’t care.

Suddenly, you’re floating, brain going fuzzy when you reach heights you never thought you could. Your back arches into his body, nails digging into his shoulders as the world tilts off its axis.

“Shit,” he gasps, hips bucking. “You’re squeezing me so tight.”

You let out a shuddering breath, body slumping when you land from your free fall. Weaving your fingers through his hair, you pull him up to kiss you, swallowing his breathy whine as he cums.

Both of you sit there for a few moments, the only sounds are from the panting. He rests more of his weight on top of you, enveloping you in all the heat pouring out of his body. With a sweet kiss, he hums into your mouth.

“We’re gonna have to do that again.” He chuckles, his nose nuzzling your cheek. “You’re so fucking perfect.”

“Says you,” you retort.

“I’m so serious.” Jaemin frowns at you. “I’m going to make love to you forever. We’ll get old and gray and I’ll still find you sexy.”

You laugh, smacking his chest. “You’re ridiculous. But you better mean that.”

“I’ve never meant anything more.”

When Saturday rolls around, you head into your closet to pick out an outfit. You don’t want to wear anything too fancy, but not too casual either. Settling on a flowy, pale pink top and a pair of jeans, staring at yourself in the mirror for much too long.

No part of today has to be weird. You’ll show up, have a great night, go home, and repeat it again the next week. Even knowing that, you’re more nervous for tonight than you were for your interview yesterday.

You think you got the job, but you’d hear back for sure on Monday. Logically, you have nothing to worry about on either end.

You put Jaemin’s address into the map on your phone, and you see it’s not too far from your apartment. Donghyuck offered to pick you up, but you decided it’d be best if you got there on your own. That way, you don’t have to make Hyuck leave early if things aren’t going well for you.

You slide on your boots, checking your pockets to make sure you have everything before you walk out into the street. Locking the door behind you, you make your way over. It’s a little before six, but everyone knows you’re chronically early. Even when you and Jaemin were dating, you were at least fifteen minutes early for every occasion.

You’re excited to see Jaemin again, but you know you shouldn’t be. In fact, you distract yourself with the idea of all the other boys. You saw Hyuck already, but seeing all the others for the first time in years is going to be a great experience.

When you arrive at the building, you blink in surprise. With him being a successful businessman, you knew he probably didn’t live in the same place, but this one shocked you. It’s huge. There are probably dozens of floors, and you have to look at his text message again to see which one he’s on.

Twenty-four? Holy shit.

You step into the lobby, and the man at the front desk also serves as an elevator guard. When you approach, he raises his eyebrows at you.

“Where are you needing to go, ma’am?” he asks.

“Twenty-fourth floor, it doesn’t say a number on the text, though—”

“Let me call up there to confirm. What’s your name?”

“(Y/N),” you reply, shifting on your feet.

“One moment, please.” He grabs the phone off the hook and dials quickly. “Mr. Na, I have a woman here to see you. Her name is (Y/N).”

It only takes a second for the man to nod and hang up the phone. He bows his head to you and gestures behind him. “He said he’s expecting you.”

The doors part for you and you step inside, and somehow, the button for the twenty-fourth floor is already pressed. You wait patiently inside as you ascend, the nerves beginning to sink in. Jaemin might be expecting you, sure, but you’re probably going to be the first one there. You always are.

When the elevator dings and opens, you expect a hallway. Instead, you’re walking straight into Jaemin’s living room. The wall across from you is all glass, the buzzing city view below making your heart drop. Hardwood flooring covers the expanse of the room, a faux fireplace on with a large sectional in front of it, a coffee table, and several other seating arrangements.

A few bottles of rosé are in a bin of ice on the coffee table, with ten glasses set out. You frown, letting your mind wander on who they could be for.

“Oh, you’re here!” It’s not Jaemin’s voice you hear.

When you turn toward it, you’re surprised to see a woman. She’s beautiful, with long black hair and shining brown eyes, and it takes you less than a split second to realize who she is. What did you expect? Jaemin moved on, and you shouldn’t be surprised. Your ribcage shouldn’t be constricting as hard as it is right now, but you laugh as she gives you a hug.

“Sorry, I’m a hugger.” She chuckles as she pulls away from you. “I’ve heard so much about you. The boys get so crazy when good things happen. It’ll be nice to have another girl around here, Jiyoon and I are pretty close to insane. I’m Yeeun.”

She holds her hand out to you and you take it, overwhelmed by the information she’s given you. Jaemin walks out from the kitchen, his white button-down shirt sleeves rolled up to the elbows and the bottom hem tucked into a pair of blue jeans.

“Don’t scare her away.” Jaemin grins, shaking his head at her. “She’s kind of shy.”

“I’m not shy,” you retort.

“And that’s why you’re only one step inside, right?” Jaemin quirks an eyebrow, leaning his shoulder against the wall. “Make yourself at home. Lord knows everyone else does.”

“Where should I put my stuff?” I ask.

“The couch is fine. Everyone should be here soon.” Jaemin gestures over, but before you say anything else, he heads back into the kitchen.

“He’s so serious.” Yeeun cringes, walking with you to the couch. “Sometimes I think he’s got a stick in some places.”

“I can hear you,” Jaemin says.

You have to hold back another laugh.

“That’s the point,” she shouts back.

You take a seat and cross your legs, taking in the grandeur of Jaemin’s apartment. Various paintings hang on the walls and, in the midst of your concentration, something jumps in your lap. You gasp, throwing your hand over your mouth.

Thankfully, it’s just a kitten.

“Oh, that’s Luna.” Yeeun reaches over to give her a quick pet. “Jaemin’s got three cats. Luna, Lucy, and Luke. They kinda look similar, but you’ll learn them eventually.”

You stare at the animal in shock, wondering what convinced Jaemin to get three at once. Shrugging it off, you pick her up and hold her to your chest, running your hand over her soft fur.

“Chenle should be here any minute,” Yeeun says under her breath, glancing down at her phone. “Let me c—”

The elevator dings again, and Chenle walks in without a second thought. He tosses his jacket on the table and rolls his shoulders as if he’s done a bunch of work. Yeeun launches from the couch, and you can’t say you’re not relieved when you see her plant a kiss firmly on his lips. She’s not Jaemin’s girlfriend, she’s Chenle’s.

“You miss me after not seeing me for an hour?” he teases her, his arm wrapped around her waist.

“You’re so mean.” She scrunches her face, grabbing his hand and leading him over to the couch.

Chenle grins widely when he sees you and gives you a quick hug. “You finally decide to come back after five years?”

“Don’t be a brat.” You snort. “You’re elated I’ve returned.”

“We all are,” he says easily. “If I have to hear Hyuck cry one more time about you being thousands of miles away I might end him.”

“You and me both.”

“Oh, I had Yeeun come a little early. I knew you’d be atrociously early because you’re you, and I thought it might be weird with you and Jaemin alone, so…” Chenle lowers his voice.

“I appreciate you.” You smile, taking your spot back on the couch. “I’m okay, though. Really.”

Especially now that you know Jaemin’s not dating Yeeun.

“Chenle, I swear to God, if you eat all of this fucking board before everyone else gets here, I’m going to kill you.” Jaemin reenters, placing a charcuterie board down by the wine. “This took hours, dude.”

“I’ll leave it alone.” Chenle holds his hands up in mock surrender, sitting next to Yeeun and throwing his arm over her shoulders.

The next one to show up is Hyuck, who brings Mark in tow. They both hug you, and by now, conversation is flowing with everyone. Jeno is next, then Renjun and Jisung. You’re not sure what you were expecting from him, but he’s definitely turned into a grown up since the last time you’ve seen him.

“Holy shit,” you say, practically in awe. “Did you have seven growth spurts?”

“Actually, I think it was only one.” He laughs, patting your back. “I didn’t believe Hyuck when he said you were coming. Told him I’d have to see it with my own eyes first.”

When everyone is finally sitting down around the couch, you notice Chenle already eating some of the cheese. Jaemin glares at him, but he eventually gives up. You sit between Yeeun and Donghyuck, fading into the conversation in the way you used to. It warms your heart, and you have to fight the overwhelming feeling of having missed so much time.

Leaving was worth it. The experience you had was unlike any other, but you regretted not staying in contact with all of them—even Jaemin. Mark opens the wine first, pouring it into nine of the glasses.

“Where’s Jiyoon?” He frowns, directing his gaze to Jisung.

He shrugs. “She’ll be here soon. Her grandparents are in town, so she’s staying with her mom until they leave. But she shouldn’t be any later than seven-thirty.”

Your mind whirls at how they’re reacting to Jisung having a girlfriend like it’s normal. He’ll always be your baby brother in your eyes, regardless of blood relation.

“How’d your interview go?” Donghyuck asks you, roping you into the conversation.

“Oh, I think it went well. I find out for sure on Monday, so I’ll let you know.” You grin. “I’m ready to start making more money.”

“Why don’t you just come work for us?” Chenle offers. “I’m surprised Hyuck didn’t tell us you were looking for a job still.”

Donghyuck drops his head into his palm. “No shit, sherlock. Think about why I wouldn’t.”

“It doesn’t need to be like that,” Jaemin interjects, sighing. “(Y/N) and I are good. There’s no eggshells to walk on. Just let it go. Pretend it never happened.”

Pretend it never happened?

Your heart ping pongs around your chest, and you choke on your sip of wine. Everyone turns toward you and you chuckle nervously.

“Sorry. I wasn’t expecting this topic.” You set the glass down on the table, suddenly much less interested in it.

“If that’s what she wants, she can absolutely do that,” Jaemin continues. “If we’re ever going to be normal, we can’t be the only ones over it.”

You stare down at your lap, fidgeting with your hands as you try to ignore all the attention on you.

“Um.” You clear your throat. “I’m gonna go grab some water.”

You shoot up from your spot, darting into the kitchen before anyone can say anything else. Once you reach the island, you brace your palms on it to keep you afloat. You close your eyes and let out a deep breath.

“Hey,” Jaemin murmurs, stopping next to you. “Are you okay? I’m sorry if that was too much.”

“I’m fine.”

“Did I say something?” He furrows his eyebrows and shifts closer so you have to look at him.

“No, Jaemin, I promise. Everything’s good. I just need a minute.” You run your fingers through your hair and glance around the room. “Do you have water bottles?”

“In the fridge,” he replies.

Crossing his arms over his chest, he rests his back on the edge of the island, watching you as you grab one. You twist off the cap and take a sip.

“I don’t want you to be uncomfortable. That was never my intention.” Jaemin sighs.

“Regardless of your intention, I’m not uncomfortable. Everyone’s just so…different. But the same. And I missed you guys, you know? I missed Saturday nights and being around my favorite people, but it’s…Forget it. Please.”

“Okay.” He nods. “Come back out whenever you’re ready, then.”

Jaemin walks away from you, looking back once over his shoulder before he disappears around the corner. You bury your head in your hands, but you refuse to let anyone think you’re upset. About anything. Jaemin especially.

You take another drink of water before you follow him out to the living room. When you make it back to your spot between Hyuck and Yeeun, he leans over to whisper, “I got up to follow you and he looked like he would rip my head off if I moved another muscle.”

You snort. “Yeah, sure.”

Shortly after that incident, Jiyoon finally shows up. She’s a bit taller than Yeeun, with dyed blonde hair and brown eyes. Jisung introduces the two of you, and she greets you kindly. Mark fills her glass and hands it to her.

 You hear funny stories from Jeno, listen to Renjun scolding Jisung about something, and rest your head on Hyuck’s shoulder. He doesn’t seem to mind, so you don’t plan on moving. He’s having a heated discussion about something to do with stocks with Jaemin and Mark. You happily tune them out, because you have no idea what they’re talking about.

You finish your glass of wine and pour yourself another one. Chenle’s taken care of most of the charcuterie board by now, and Yeeun is showing him videos on her phone. You take a moment to appreciate everyone around you, something you never did before, and realize change may not be a bad thing.

Yes, everyone is different, but so are you. It’s magical when people grow up in the same direction, even past time, distance, and space. They’re all the same at their core, but older. Wiser. Happier. More mature.

You’re on your third glass by the time the night deepens. It must be past ten o’clock at this point, but you don’t feel tired at all. You’re surprised when Chenle and Yeeun leave first. They both hug you on their way out.

Apparently, they broke the seal, because Jisung and Jiyoon are next, followed closely by Renjun. Jeno doesn’t leave until eleven, and Mark and Donghyuck are packing up to leave as well.

“Do you need a ride home?” Hyuck asks.

“I’m okay.” You shake your head. “I’ll leave in a few minutes, don’t worry.”

He hesitates, but eventually listens to you. You’re left alone with Jaemin, much to your surprise, and he’s not kicking you out at the first opportunity he gets.

“Did you want help cleaning up?” you question.

“There’s not much to clean,” Jaemin replies, standing from his seat. “I won’t say no to help though.”

“Of course.” You chuckle and get up, brushing off your jeans. 

Grabbing a few of the glasses, you carry them into the kitchen and put them by the sink. Between the two of you, you’ve got everything in the kitchen within a few minutes.

“I’m glad you came,” Jaemin says, running the water to rinse out the dishes.

“Me too.” It’s not a lie. You love being in this group, but you wonder if there was a better way to ease back in.

“I…Can I say something?” he asks. “If it’s too weird, you can tell me no.”

“By all means.”

“You know I’m not mad at you, right? I’m not bitter and I don’t hate you. I missed you a lot, actually. But I don’t want you to think you can’t come around because of me.” He pauses, taking his bottom lip between his teeth. “I’m really proud of you. Of all the things you’ve accomplished, and I know we couldn’t have done the same things if we had stayed together.”

You don’t mean to let out a relieved breath, but his words take a weight off your shoulders. “Thank you, Jaem. I’m proud of you too.”

“Have one more drink with me? For old times’ sake?” 

“I’d love that.”

So that’s how you end up next to Jaemin on his couch, his feet kicked up on his coffee table. You make jokes, talk about everyday things, but the more you drink, the more you crave to know about the past, about what happened after you left.

“Is the past off-limits?” You turn to look at him, almost blushing when you realize how close his face is to yours.

“I don’t think so.” He shakes his head. “But for every question you ask me, I get to ask you one.”

“That sounds like a good deal.” You smile. “But you go first.”

He gives you a half-smile before pursing his lips as he thinks. “Was it easy for you? Over there, I mean.”

“I wouldn’t say it was easy. It’s hard to pinpoint the exact experience because things are so different here…but I don’t think I’d go back. It was a good experience, and I loved it, but this is where I belong.” You stop, contemplating your own question. “How were you?”

“Is complete honesty okay?” He quirks an eyebrow.

“It’s preferred, actually.” You take another sip.

“It took me a long time to recover. And I don’t want to make you feel bad, because what’s done is done, and we both needed the room to grow. You know, if you never hurt, you’ll never learn. Life is full of learning experiences. But yeah, I was a mess for a while. I loved you long after you left.” He smiles, as if loving you is a fond memory. “Do you miss me?”

Present tense. Miss. Not did you miss me, but do you miss me.

You chuckle, pursing your lips. “Yeah, I do.”

When you meet his gaze again, you see the soft look he gave you whenever he saw you before. He gulps, wetting his lips. Your heart twists in your chest as you realize what this means for you. No matter how much time passes, you’ll never stop loving Jaemin. It doesn’t matter how far apart you’ve been or for how long, because all of you yearns for all of him.

Your voice shakes when you ask your next question. “Where would we be if I hadn’t left? If I changed that, would everything be different?”

“Um.” He’s only inches away from you, studying your face with fervor. “In my mind, I definitely thought we’d be married by now. In love and happy, making babies that hopefully look more like you.”

You try not to let the tears form, but they sting your eyes anyway.

“Is that what you wanted?” he whispers.

“Well, I kinda wanted them to look more like you, but yeah.” You laugh as a tear falls, and you move to wipe it away, but Jaemin beats you to it. His thumb swipes across your cheek.

You’re not sure what’s happening between the two of you, but every part of you craves this.

“We were pretty great, huh?”

“Is that your question?” He smiles. “Because yeah, we were.”

“If that was mine, that one counted as yours too.” You lean into his touch, letting the warmth seep through your skin. “God, I wish it had been you. I wish you were the one.”

His lips part, but it sounds as if his words catch in his throat. He blinks rapidly for a second, gulping. “Who said I can’t be?”

He leans closer.

“I’m gonna kiss you now.”

Your heart drops, but you give him a tiny nod, aching for him. “Jaemin.”

He stops right before your mouths connect, and he lets out a sigh.

“Jaemin,” you repeat. “I have to say something first.”

“Okay.”

“I thought I got over you, but it’s only because I didn’t see you for years. Being with you right now…I might still love you, and if you’re not kissing me for the same reasons, we should stop before we both get hurt again.” You clench your eyes shut, refusing to look at him while you make a fool of yourself.

“I was hoping you’d say that.” He doesn’t give you the chance to respond, kissing you hard. You melt into him, much like the ways you used to.

He shifts to cup both of your cheeks, his mouth working against yours in that perfect harmony you’d only ever found with him. You grasp onto his sleeves. When he pulls away, he rests his forehead on yours.

“I…” he trails off, wetting his lips. “I want you.”

His voice is raspy as he says it, and it sends heat between your legs. You clench your thighs together.

“Me too,” you reply. “I want you, too.”

“Are you sure?” he asks.

“Of course.” You lean forward to kiss him, and as your lips meet his, he pulls you onto his lap. Straddling him, you weave your fingers in his hair and hold him close to you.

His hands dip down to your ass, squeezing it and pushing you a bit forward. You groan when you feel his tongue slide across your bottom lip, and you give him access. Without a fight, you let him dominate your mouth. When you grind down, you gasp when you feel him hardening beneath you.

“You’re so perfect,” he whispers, only breaking the kiss for a split second.

He lets out a small whine when you pull away from him, but he’s quickly silenced when you tug your blouse over your head. While he stares at your black lace bra, you work on unbuttoning his shirt.

 “Not here,” he interrupts you, grabbing your hands. “There’s only one place I want to have you right now.”

He stands, holding onto you tightly while you wrap your legs around his waist. For a brief second, you think about what Hyuck would say to you right now—if he would be okay with it or if he would call it a mistake—but you chase the thought away as fast as it comes.

Jaemin carries you to his bedroom, kicking the door shut behind him. He sets you delicately onto his bed, the familiar softness making you sigh. After he finishes taking his shirt off, he climbs on top of you, kissing your cheek, your jawline, down the pulse thundering in your neck, your collarbone, the swells of your breasts. He leaves marks on them before continuing his descent.

And then he’s at the hem of your jeans. He looks up at you, eyebrows raised. “Can I?”

“Please.”

Jaemin is a unique lover. He memorizes all the things you love, what makes you tick, and what he can do to elevate your pleasure. You’ve never had to fake it with him.

“It’s been a while for me,” he mutters. “It might not be…the best.” He clears his throat awkwardly, but pops the button and unzips the zipper.

“I’ll be happy with whatever you can give me,” you say.

His confidence returns after that, and he moves to tug your pants down your legs. You try your best to help him get them off of you, and he finally makes it back between your legs. He rubs his thumb over the obvious wet spot in your panties, humming to himself.

“Time doesn’t change how wet you get for me, huh?” He tsks, pressing a kiss to your clit through the fabric.

When he tugs them down, he admires you before leaning forward. You don’t expect the electric shock you feel when his mouth comes in contact with your core, but it has your back arching when he’s hardly done anything. Your hand immediately finds his hair, gripping it.

His tongue slides along your entrance, barely dipping inside before flicking your clit. He teases you like this a few times, but then his lips wrap around your sensitive bud and he sucks. His fingers trail up your thigh, and he extracts a moan from you when he pushes them inside you.

You inadvertently clench your thighs around his head. He moans against you, the vibrations sending pleasure shooting up your spine. You don’t mean to push him closer to you, but you can’t help it. Everything inside you feels like it’s crumbling and coming together at the same time under his ministrations.

You writhe much more than you should, and if it were anyone other than Jaemin, you’d be embarrassed.

“You taste so good,” he groans against you, thrusting his fingers faster. “So beautiful when you drip for me like this.”

He curls his fingers, and you slap a hand over your mouth to muffle your pleasure. One last flick of his tongue on your clit has your back arching, the bubble bursting inside you as you grind into his face.

After he’s helped you ride through your high, you sit up, sending him back a bit. You quickly reach for his pants, squeezing the prominent bulge before undoing the button and zipper. He steps out of them , pulling you toward the edge of the bed.

“We don’t have to,” he says, breathless. “We can wait if you’re not sure.”

“Jaem,” you reply, cupping his cheeks. “I’ve never wanted you more than I do right now.” You tug him down, kissing him with all your might. You taste yourself on him, but it does little to bother you. All you want is him.

His tongue explores your mouth while he finds the clasp of your bra. He pulls it away from you, guiding you back down onto the bed. His kiss trails down once more, stopping at your breast so he can take your nipple into his mouth. He swirls it, teeth gently scraping.

Finally, he’s shoving his underwear down and grabbing a condom from his nightstand. He rolls it on before joining you on the bed once more, and you feel his tip prodding at your entrance.

“You’re absolutely sure?” He pauses, giving as serious of a look as he can muster. “If we do this, you’re mine again, you know that, right?”

“I’ve always been yours, Jaemin,” you remind him, lifting your hips. “That never changed.”

You barely have time to finish your sentence before he’s pushing inside you, face contorting with pleasure as he bottoms out. Heart pounding, you grip onto his shoulders and wrap your legs around his waist.

“You okay?” he whispers, leaning down to kiss your neck. His eyelashes flutter across your skin, your body already slightly sticky from a thin sheen of sweat from your first indescribable high.

“Please move,” you whimper.

Jaemin moves slowly at first, allowing you both to get used to the feeling of being connected again. It’d be a long while since you’d done anything, too. He pants, nipping and sucking at the sensitive part of your throat.

His hips rock steadily, making sure to press as deep as he can every time. You're already a moaning mess below him, holding onto him for dear life.

“I’m sorry,” he says softly. “I’m not gonna last long.”

In response, you tighten your legs around him and flip him over, leaving him on his back and you on top. His eyes trail all over your body. You roll your hips. He sits up, grabbing your waist and pressing your chest against his, his dark, hardened gaze meeting yours as if this is a challenge.

“Lay back,” you tell him, running your hand down the hard planes of his chest as you gently push him back down. “Just watch.”

He gulps, but does as you say. His hands relax on you and he allows you to set your own pace. You lift up, shuddering at how he feels rubbing on your walls. His fingers twitch as if he wants to pull you back down.

“Baby,” he groans.

You set a steady pace, a bit faster than what his was. He traces down your body, leaving goosebumps in his wake as he moves downward until his thumb is pressed to your clit. You bite your lip to stop your moan, leaning back and bracing yourself on his thighs. He’s a mess beneath you, pleasure written across his face. It makes you want to do more, to work harder to bring him to his edge.

You’re so wet, slick sounds of him entering you fill the silence between sounds of euphoria. His thumb glides back and forth so easily, you have to pick up the speed. Everything around you begins to go fuzzy, and you know you’re approaching your second orgasm of the night much faster than you’d like.

Mid-way through your lift-up, your high hits, forcing you back down on his cock to finish with him buried deep inside, stretching you out. He sits back up, guiding you up and down as you slump onto his chest. He meets you halfway, thrusting up as he pulls you down.

He lets out a deep groan and holds you close to him, gently rocking his hips. He gasps for breath, pressing gentle kisses to your shoulder.

“I love you,” Jaemin whispers. “Don’t go again.”

“I’m not going anywhere.” You shake your head. “I love you, too.”

He opens his mouth to say something, but you both frown when you hear the elevator ding.

“Who is that?” you ask, climbing off of him on shaky legs to try and find your clothes.

“Not a clue.” Jaemin frowns, quickly disposing of the condom and putting his underwear and pants back on. He comes back to kiss your cheek. “Stay here. I’ll be right back.”

He walks out into his living room, but you get dressed quickly so you can follow him out. You hear him conversing with someone, but you’re not sure who it is. You’re finally back in your jeans and shirt, so you head out to check out what’s going on.

You know your hairs a mess, your makeup is definitely smeared, and your face is red, and on top of all of that, you’re coming out of Jaemin’s room. Anyone with a brain would see what’s going on.

Chenle moves over to the couch and grabs a purse, which is presumably Yeeun’s, and claps Jaemin on the shoulder before he notices you.

“(Y/N)?” He blinks in surprise, glancing between you and Jaemin. “This is a new development.”

“It’s not really that new,” Jaemin says. “Um, we were kind of…busy, though. If you could…”

“Right.” Chenle shakes his head. “Right. You two have fun. Not too much fun, and make sure no one gets hurt this time, please?”

“Are you going to tell Donghyuck?” You scrunch up your nose.

“I’ll give you a twenty-four hour head start.” He grins, saluting you both. “Take care of each other, dipshits.”

You massage your forehead with a sigh, and Jaemin approaches you.

“You got dressed.” He pouts.

“Well, yeah. Somebody was here.” You chuckle.

“Were you wanting to leave?” he asks, eyebrows furrowing. “It’s okay if you do, I just…thought we’d spend the night together.”

“I don’t want to leave,” you tell him. “I told you I’m not leaving you again, Jaem. I meant it.”

“Then let’s get back to bed.” Jaemin massages your shoulders gently as he guides you back to his room.

He gets you a T-shirt to wear to bed, and once you’ve changed into it, you crawl onto his mattress and wait for him to join you. Instead, he stares at you, a smile on his face.

“I never thought I’d get you like this again.”

“You were always the one for me, Jaemin. It just wasn’t the right time.” You rest your head on one of his pillows, patting the spot next to you. “Now come over here.”

He finally listens, climbing under the comforter and pulling you to him until you’re pressed into his chest.

Kissing the top of your head, he hums. “We’ll have everything we ever wanted.”

pairing: slytherin!jaemin x afab!ravenclaw!reader

words: 10.3k+

summary: na jaemin has asked you out every year since you came to hogwarts. maybe this is the year you’ll say yes.

genre: fluff, angst, smut

warnings: reader is shy, slight corruption kink, penetrative sex, loss of virginity, voyeurism, fingering, cunnilingus, public sex, squirting, creampies, messy sex

You’re in your first year at Hogwarts when Na Jaemin asks you out for the first time.

The both of you are standing in the middle of the courtyard and his ears are blooming red, either from the cold or pure embarrassment. He’s holding a chocolate frog, outstretching his hand to you.

“I think you’re pretty.”

You try to ignore the fact that your friends are squealing behind you. Your eyes are only focused on Jaemin, who’s wearing his signature smile. His best friends, Jeno and Donghyuck, are snickering behind him.

You know you want to tell the Slytherin that he’s pretty too, or at least thank him for the gift, but somehow your brain completely short circuits.

Your eleven-year-old self runs away from the group and back into the Hogwarts castle, breaking Na Jaemin’s heart for the first time.

—

You’re in your second year when Na Jaemin asks you out for the second time.

Your rejection of Jaemin the previous year spread around school like wildfire. Many of your friends asked you why you turned him down, especially when he was one of the most desired boys in your year. You didn’t know how to explain that he made you extremely nervous and his declaration of affection caused you to hate the attention you started receiving.

“Jaemin’s looking at you,” Doyeon giggles in your ear.

Your eyes wander up from your Potions book to see that, indeed, Jaemin is sitting at one of the library tables across the room, focus directed at you. You swallow and return your gaze to your textbook.

“Don’t you want to ask him why he’s staring at you?” Doyeon whines at your lack of enthusiasm. “He clearly still likes you!”

The librarian shushes your table and Doyeon sticks her tongue out when they’re not looking.

You sigh. “I just want to finish my Potions essay, Doyeon.”

You can practically see her roll her eyes in response. Jaemin has tried talking to you since the incident, jumping at any chance to partner with you during your classes together. You’ve only offered him rapid blinks and slow nods in return.

You groan when Doyeon suddenly elbows your side.

“Go and get me the book we need for Charms, please.”

“What? Why can’t you get it?” You frown, eyebrows furrowed.

She sighs as if you’re the one causing a problem. She gives you one of her signature looks and you grumble, pulling yourself away from the table. When you finally find the aisle you’re looking for, you nearly gasp when you see Jaemin there too.

Oh Doyeon, you sneaky witch.

He says your name like you’ve just caught the Golden Snitch. “Nice to see you!”

You smile awkwardly, ignoring the butterflies swarming your stomach.

“Hi, Nana.”

He beams when you call him by his nickname. You falter at his clear enthusiasm. You wish you were just slightly more brave to carry a conversation with him, but you resort to clumsily searching for Doyeon’s book. You sigh when you realize it’s on the top shelf.

Before you can attempt to grab it, you feel Jaemin’s chest press against your back as he easily takes it for you. You yelp at the proximity, ignoring his cheerful smile as he hands the book over to you.

“Looking for this?”

You try your best to steady your voice. “Um, yes?”

He chuckles. “You don’t sound so sure about it.”

Despite the book being safely in your hands, he shows no signs of stepping away from you. You avoid any eye contact you could possibly make with him.

“I should get back to my table,” you whisper softly. “Doyeon probably wants to get started on her Charms homework.”

“Meet me at the Astronomy Tower tonight?”

You blink at Jaemin’s question. He’s still smiling happily, fully expecting you to say yes.

“Um, I have a lot of work to get done tonight. Potions essay and all of that.”

“Oh,” he murmurs bashfully, scratching the back of his neck and taking a step away from you. “That’s okay. Some other night then?”

“Okay!” You squeak, taking your chance and scurrying away from him. Your abrupt departure prevents you from seeing the hopeful look in his eyes.

When you return to your table, Doyeon is smirking mischievously.

“You sure took a long time getting that book.”

“I hate you.”

—

You’re in your third year when Na Jaemin asks you out for the third time.

“Dude, she’s not going out with you. It’s starting to look super desperate.”

Jeno has to physically prevent Jaemin from lunging across the Great Hall table and attacking Donghyuck.

“Hyuck,” Renjun scolds from his spot next to Jeno. “You know Jaemin’s sensitive about it.”

“Whatever,” Donghyuck rolls his eyes. “All I’m saying is that everyone knows you like her, and if she liked you, then moves would have already been made.”

“You don’t know anything,” Jaemin hisses. “She’s just shy, that’s all. She doesn’t like the attention.”

Jeno glares at Donghyuck as a signal for him to shut up. Renjun even shoves a spoonful of chicken into Donghyuck’s mouth to make sure of it.

Jaemin’s focus returns to you as you’re giggling into your hand at something Yoo Jimin says. He fondly smiles at the sight of you looking so happy from across the Great Hall. He wishes you would look that happy whenever you see him too.

His attempts at getting you to agree to a date has been less than successful to say the least. Donghyuck was right — everyone in the Wizarding World knew of Jaemin’s crush at this point, but you still showed no signs of returning his affections.

“I’m not saying Donghyuck’s right or anything,” Renjun timidly brings up, earning a warning look from Jeno. “But maybe you should try crushing on someone else. Who knows? Maybe she’ll get jealous.”

Jaemin scoffs at the idea. As if he could like anyone else but you. It sounded unbelievably pathetic, but you were all he thought about. He wanted nothing but to hold your hand and kiss you in front of everyone.

Even if it made him the running joke to the rest of the houses, he didn’t care. He only desired you.

His blood boils when he sees Shotaro approach your table, cheeks red as he asks to sit down next to you.

“What the hell is he doing?” Jaemin hisses.

Jeno coughs awkwardly. “I heard from Sungchan that Shotaro has a little crush.”

“What?” Jaemin practically yells, causing the rest of his house to shush him.

“Alright, let’s be calm about this,” Jeno says, knowing how irritated his best friend could get. “Jaemin-“

Jeno’s protests are ignored as Jaemin makes his way over to your table. Jeno runs a hand down his face, praying that Jaemin doesn’t make a complete fool out of himself.

You nearly jump out of your seat when you hear your name being called. You glance behind you to see Jaemin.

“O-Oh,” you stutter, not expecting his presence. You fail to notice Shotaro’s shoulders slump in defeat at the sight of the Slytherin. “Hi Nana.”

You pay no attention to Doyeon and Jimin’s raised eyebrows from their positions across from you. Jaemin forces his hands between you and Shotaro, creating enough distance for him to sit in the middle.

“What are we talking about over here?”

Doyeon and Jimin exchange a look before Doyeon speaks up. “Shotaro over here was just talking about going to Hogsmeade this weekend.”

“Oh? I didn’t even know Hufflepuffs went outside,” Jaemin hums. Doyeon and Jimin cover up their laughs with a cough.

“Hogsmeade trips are for all students,” you mention quietly.

Jaemin smiles at you. “That’s right! I was actually thinking about going to Madam Puddifoot’s, want to join?”

Every student knows that Madam Puddifoot’s is where all the couples go on dates. Since this is the first year you’re allowed to take weekend Hogsmeade trips, you haven’t gotten a chance to see it for yourself. However, the thought of going with Jaemin seemed way too nerve wracking.

“She would love to!” Jimin interjects, shooting you a look.

“Actually, I was going to ask her if she wanted to go with me,” Shotaro says, glaring at Jaemin.

The two boys suddenly engage in a heated staring contest, and you shift uncomfortably in your seat. Doyeon and Jimin, on the other hand, are thoroughly enjoying watching the current scene unfold.

“Maybe we can all go!” You say in an attempt to ease the tension.

Doyeon’s head hits the table in reaction to your stupidity. Jaemin and Shotaro turn to you with confused looks on their faces. Jimin decides to help you out.

“Actually, I just remembered we promised Minjeong we would meet her at Honeydukes to grab some sweets. Sorry boys, maybe next time.”

You squeak when Doyeon suddenly grabs your arm, and before you know it, you’re being pulled away from the table.

Once you’re out of sight, Jaemin turns to scowl at the Hufflepuff.

“Don’t even think about it. Everyone knows I like her.”

Shotaro scoffs. “Just because you like her doesn’t mean she likes you.”

“Watch it, Hufflepuff.”

“Game on, Slytherin.”

A few minutes of intense glaring occurs until Jeno and Sungchan both rush over to the table, pulling the two boys apart.

—

You’re in your fourth year when Na Jaemin asks you out for the fourth time.

The only difference this year is that you already have a boyfriend. You’ve been dating Shotaro for a couple of months, and everything seems to be going well.

The only bump in the road so far was your friends.

“Listen, I’m just saying that Shotaro is really sweet and nice, but you clearly took the easy way out,” Doyeon complains. “I know that deep down, you like Jaemin more.”

“Doyeon, I really don’t want to hear this again,” you sigh, trying your best to focus on your History of Magic homework.

Doyeon and Jimin brought Jaemin up at least once a week. Ever since you started dating Shotaro, Jaemin took a hint and spent less and less time trying to get your attention. You still noticed his lingering stares here and there, but Shotaro would always try to initiate skinship with you just to remind Jaemin who you were dating.

“What are we talking about?” Jimin asks, plopping down on the couch in the Ravenclaw common room.

“How Jaemin is better than Shotaro,” Doyeon responds.

You frown. “You know, Slytherins aren’t even allowed in here.”

The two Slytherins ignore your protests. “Oh, Jaemin is so much better,” Jimin echoes. “I think she just likes Shotaro because he’s quiet and shy like her. But Jaemin would show her a much better time.”

“Jimin!” You hiss, growing embarrassed by the second. “Can we not talk about this please? I’m dating Shotaro and I really like him.”

“Whatever you say, sweetheart.”

You try not to let their words get to you since you know Doyeon and Jimin love to tease you. The thought of Jaemin still lingers in your mind, however, and Shotaro starts to notice you distancing yourself a week later.

“Are you okay?” He asks apprehensively, almost afraid of hearing the answer. “You haven’t been yourself lately.”

“I’m fine!” You try to assure him, ignoring the worried look in his eyes. “I’m just stressed with homework, that’s all.”

He smiles and you can’t help but compare it to Jaemin. Jaemin’s smile is a little brighter and more captivating, always causing your brain to malfunction whenever he grins at you.

“You don’t need to worry. You’re the smartest girl in our year,” Shotaro assures.

You laugh nervously. “Thank you.”

A few moments pass while the two of you are walking down the hallway before Shotaro clears his throat. He seems even more anxious than you.

“Did you hear about the dance they’re hosting this year?”

“Oh,” you hum, thinking about it. You remember Doyeon excitedly chattering the details to you, talking animatedly about what kind of dress she plans on wearing and how she’s going to style her hair. Jimin was equally excited, attempting to also raise your enthusiasm about the event. “Doyeon and Jimin have been mentioning it to me.”

He beams. “Good! I was wondering if you wanted to go with me.”

You sheepishly stutter. You were honestly planning on skipping the dance in favor of getting a good night’s sleep. Although knowing Doyeon and Jimin, they would never let you ditch.

“S-Sure. That sounds nice.”

Shotaro’s smile extends tenfold, and he leans down to press a kiss against your cheek. You bashfully stare at your feet, avoiding his gaze.

When you relay the information to the two girls later, they’re so excited you agreed to go to the dance that they don’t even mention Jaemin. They eagerly discuss shopping plans and hair and makeup expectations, all while you panic on the inside.

They help you pick out a gorgeous blue gown that hugs your figure, which initially makes you nervous but with a lot of assurances from Doyeon and Jimin, you grow confident in your appearance. The girls do your hair and makeup for you, giggling about how cute you’re going to look.

“If only it was for Jaemin,” Jimin hums while applying your eyeshadow.

“Hey,” you protest softly. “You said you were happy that Shotaro asked me.”

“I am!” She argues. “It’s just that I know Jaemin really likes this color on you.”

“Is that why you picked this out for me?”

When the both of them fail to answer your question, you huff. Your curiosity gets the best of you, however.

“Is Jaemin going with anyone?”

You miss the look Doyeon and Jimin exchange over your head. “I heard he asked out Yizhuo,” Jimin answers.

“Oh,” you mumble. Yizhuo was a Slytherin girl in the same classes as both you and Jaemin, so it would make sense that he asked her. You remember her being very pretty and sweet whenever you got paired for projects together.

Doyeon smiles, sensing your disappointment even though you would never admit it. She presses a kiss to your forehead.

“Just have a good time tonight, my little flower.”

“You know I’m the same age as the both of you. You don’t have to keep acting like my moms.”

You giggle when they suddenly shower you in kisses as a response.

Shotaro perks up when you finally meet him outside of the Great Hall. He’s wearing a blue tie to match your dress, and he kisses the back of your hand in greeting.

“You look beautiful,” he compliments.

“Thank you,” you manage to whisper, feeling bashful by the attention.

Some of the other houses are stopping to look at you two, murmuring to each other and making you even more nervous. Your breath catches in your throat when you meet Jaemin’s eyes across the room. He’s smiling fondly at you, his emerald green tie matching Yizhuo’s dress.

Your heart sinks a little at the sight of them looking like a perfect pair standing next to one another. Shotaro nudges you out of your trance.

“Ready to go in?”

You nod, mustering your best smile. “Born ready.”

The night, by all means, was a picture perfect fairytale. Shotaro was a perfect gentleman as he led you on the dance floor, with you feeling slightly inferior to his incredible dance skills. You exchanged a few fun twirls with Doyeon and Jimin, giggling to one another in the midst of all the sparkle and flair. Your eyes only strayed a few times to catch the sight of a certain Slytherin boy dancing with his date.

It forces you to excuse yourself to catch your breath. Shotaro offers to go with you but you insist on him staying inside and enjoying himself.

Jaemin later finds you in the Astronomy Tower, overlooking the stars.

He clears his throat to make you aware of his presence, causing you to jump at the sound.

“Sorry,” he apologizes with a chuckle, taking the spot next to you. “I didn’t know I would catch you out here.”

“I just needed a breather,” you murmur, ignoring the fact that his arm is nearly pressed against yours. “It was getting a little stuffy in there.”

“Your boyfriend didn’t want to escort you out?”

If you notice an implication in Jaemin’s tone, you make no show of it.

“No, I told him to stay. He’s a great dancer, I don’t know if you’ve seen it.”

“Oh, I’ve seen it,” he says under his breath, almost with a hint of jealousy.

You two linger in silence for a bit before he breaks it.

“It would be wildly inappropriate for me to ask you out at this moment, right?”

You blink at him, startled by the sudden question.

“I thought you came with Yizhuo?”

“Yizhuo and I are just friends,” he brushes off. “She didn’t have a date and the girl I wanted had a date of her own already.”

He eyes you carefully and you flush in embarrassment, staring down at your hands.

“Jaemin, you know Shotaro is my boyfriend.”

“Yeah, that’s unfortunate, isn’t it?”

“Nana,” you whisper, hoping the nickname will convey exactly what you want to say. To tell him that despite your conflicting feelings, you’re still dating Shotaro and don’t want to hurt him in any way.

He nods in understanding before preparing to take his leave. “Before I go, I just wanted you to know you’re the prettiest girl I’ve ever seen. You took my breath away when I saw you. Shotaro’s a lucky guy and I hope he knows it.”

You watch pitifully as Jaemin heads back to the dance, ignoring the sound of your heart thumping in your ears.

—

You’re in your fifth year when Na Jaemin’s attempts start to falter for the first time.

You and Shotaro ended your relationship on good terms over the summer, agreeing that the both of you were better off as friends after holding hands started feeling too awkward. When Doyeon and Jimin found out about the amicable breakup, they were quick to get you back on your feet once you voiced your insecurities.

“Maybe it was me? Am I not pretty enough to kiss?”

They both frown, looking more disappointed than you’ve ever seen them.

“You are the prettiest girl at Hogwarts, so I have no idea where this is coming from,” Doyeon shakes her head, combing her fingers through your hair.

You’re sprawled on the floor of their shared bedroom after Jimin found a way to sneak you into the Slytherin dorms.

“You said it yourself that Shotaro and you broke up because it was too awkward. He never told you that you weren’t pretty enough to kiss,” Jimin reminds you.

“I know, I know,” you sigh. “But we just never did what normal couples do, you know? It made me start to think that it was because of me.”

“It could never be because of you,” Doyeon chides. “Besides, if you want to get kissed that bad, I know someone who would be first in line for that chance.”

It rattles you when you automatically know who she’s referring to.

“I heard he got a girlfriend over the summer,” you say quietly.

Jimin scoffs. “You heard wrong. I told you to only get gossip from me, I’m a reliable source. I’ve heard absolutely nothing about said girlfriend.”

The three of you are thoroughly surprised when you catch Jaemin the next day, hand in hand with Hyojung, a fellow Ravenclaw girl.

Jimin curses under her breath and Doyeon scolds her for not being the first one to know this new information. As the couple walk down the hallway, Jaemin’s eyes lock with yours. You both still, almost as if time has stopped in its tracks.

He’s the first one to break it, with Hyojung tugging on his arm and questioning why he suddenly stopped in the middle of the crowd. Your eyes well with tears before you stray from Doyeon and Jimin, finding an empty classroom to wallow your sorrows in.

Why were you so sad? It’s not like you had anything romantic in line for you and Jaemin. After all, you were the one who’s been rejecting him since you first stepped foot in Hogwarts.

You decide to ignore your muddled feelings for most of the first half of the year. Jaemin and Hyojung seem to be going strong and despite Jimin’s endless apologies, you insist that you’re happy for the couple and wish them all the best.

You get paired with Jeno for a Charms project as the winter season approaches. Jeno proves to be a diligent partner, equally dividing work and quietly finishing your portions of the project in the library together.

The question itches at the back of your mind one night, and you can’t stop yourself from asking.

“Jeno, how did Jaemin and Hyojung get together?”

He’s surprised by the inquiry, head tilted in confusion. “Well, their parents are friends and they used to be close when they were younger. They decided to give the relationship a try over the summer to see if it fits.”

You nod and thank him for answering. An hour passes in silence before he bites back.

“Why do you ask?”

You chew on the end of your pencil nervously. “I was curious. They just seemed to get together out of the blue.”

He studies your expression carefully. “You broke up with Shotaro over the summer, right?”

“Uh, yeah,” you reply awkwardly. “We decided it wasn’t a good fit for us.”

He hums in understanding.

The two of you finish your homework session without any more probing questions, and Jeno is fast to locate his Slytherin best friend afterwards.

Jaemin is startled when Jeno almost runs him over outside of the Slytherin dorms.

“What’s up with you?”

Jeno huffs, out of breath from rushing all around Hogwarts in search of him.

“Things with you and Hyojung — they’re not serious, right?”

Jaemin shrugs. “She’s pretty and nice. It’s not a bad relationship.”

“But it’s not a really good one either?”

“I mean, I guess so. Why are you asking?”

“A certain Ravenclaw girl just asked me about you,” Jeno divulges. “She asked me about you, Jaemin. You were far from any topic of conversation and she was the one to bring you up first.”

Jaemin freezes at the revelation. He spent the whole summer trying to forget about you, accepting that you were happy with Shotaro and perhaps Donghyuck was right, he was starting to look pathetic chasing after you. Hyojung’s family came to visit one day in August and after seeing how heartbroken he was, she suggested they begin a relationship to try and get him to move on. He agreed, mainly because his parents always loved Hyojung and he needed to get his mind off of you.

As twisted as it sounds though, Hyojung could never compare to you.

He doesn’t understand why you’ve enraptured him like this, it was just supposed to be a silly crush. He never expected to see flickers of you when he would kiss his girlfriend or think of your laugh when he’s holding someone else’s hand.

He shakes his head from the thought.

“Jeno, I can’t. You know I spent so much time getting over her.”

His friend rolls his eyes. “And how did that work out? You still look like a love struck puppy whenever she walks by and Hyojung is still convinced she can get you to love her. Wake up, dude.”

Jaemin presses the palm of his hands to his eyes, desperately trying to erase the fantasies floating through his head.

“What am I supposed to do?”

“I thought I already spelled it out for you. Free Hyojung from her misery and get your girl.”

When Jaemin approaches Hyojung the next day, his heart sinks in his chest as he registers the devastated look on her face.

“What? What did I do wrong?”

“Nothing,” he assures her. “I just don’t think this is working out. I haven’t been feeling any sparks.”

Her eyes well with tears and Jaemin starts to feel guilty.

“Is this about her? Are you seriously still not over her? We’ve been together for nearly five months, Jaemin!” Her sadness quickly shifts to unadulterated rage, glaring at him and hoping he’ll sink into the ground. “How could you lead me on this whole time?”

“I wasn’t trying to, Hyojung, I swear,” he promises, but they’re clearly empty to the girl in front of him.

“Go fuck yourself, Na Jaemin.”

You find Hyojung crying in the Ravenclaw common room that day. You pause when you see her crumbling on the couch with her best friend, Soeun, comforting her. They scowl when you come into their view.

“There she is, the homewrecker herself,” Soeun sneers at you.

You have no idea why the two girls are suddenly bashing on you. You hold your arms closer to your chest defensively.

“W-What?”

Hyojung stands and approaches you until she’s inches from your face.

“I don’t know why he finds you so special. You’ve never once given him the time of day yet he’ll bend over backwards to have you,” she hisses, expecting the words to sting for you.

You blink. “Who are you talking about?”

She laughs and it’s one of those hollow, maniacal laughs that sends shivers down your spine.

Soeun joins in, crossing her arms over her chest and staring at you condescendingly. “We’re not falling for your little innocent schoolgirl act. You know Jaemin and Hyojung’s parents were already planning their wedding, right? How sick of you to insert yourself into a relationship and break it apart.”

The two girls continue to berate and belittle you until the whole of Ravenclaw is convinced you’re a nasty homewrecker. You leave the common room in tears, finding solace in one of the nearby alcoves.

That’s how Jaemin finds you — sobbing into your hands and feeling the most low you’ve ever felt in your entire Hogwarts stay.

“Hey, what’s wrong?”

He tries to pry your hands away from your eyes to talk to you, but you pull away from him like you’ve just been burned.

“Get away from me!” You demand, turning away from him and sniffling softly to yourself.

“I’m sorry,” he says, voice filled with distress. “I didn’t mean to upset you. I just want to know why you’re crying, and if I can help at all.”

You spin back around to face him. Jaemin’s heart cracks at the sight of you looking so defeated.

“Why would you break up with Hyojung because of me?” You question in a small voice, trying to stop your tears.

He stutters. “I-I didn’t break up with her because of that. The relationship never felt right.”

“Well, that’s not what she’s saying. I don’t understand why you’re so intent on ruining my life, Nana.”

“What? I would never ruin your life!”

“But you have!” You cry, not caring how unattractive you are at this moment. “You give me all this attention that I never asked for as soon as I get to Hogwarts, and suddenly everyone is referring to me as the girl who rejected Na Jaemin. Then I get a boyfriend and you’re lurking around every corner, praying for me to break up with him. And then you get a girlfriend, crush her heart, and now she’s accusing me of being a homewrecker!”

Realization washes over his features and he takes a step back from you.

“I’m sorry. You’re right, this is all my fault. I’ll clear up whatever Hyojung started and I’ll leave you alone. I’m sorry.”

You watch him disappear around the corner, throwing you one last sorrowful glance.

After you relay the day’s events while crying in Doyeon and Jimin’s arms, you wonder if you would ever speak to Jaemin again.

—

You’re in your sixth year when you haven’t spoken to Na Jaemin since the start of the term.

Hyojung approaches you when you return from the summer break, guilt-ridden by her behavior.

“I’m so sorry for saying all of those things about you. It was really immature of me to start those rumors, especially knowing that it was Jaemin’s fault, not yours. I was just angry and looking for someone to blame. I hope you can forgive me.”

You smile shyly and nod. “Thank you for apologizing. I’m sorry again for what you had to go through.”

She shakes her head. “You don’t have to say that to me. I’m going to clear up all those nasty things people are saying about the situation so please, let’s just try to move past it.”

The first few months of the term pass by quickly, with all of the rumors about you being squashed by both Hyojung and Jaemin. Soon enough, people are finding new gossip to discuss and your incident fades into the background.

You try to accept that you’ll never speak to Jaemin again. He’s completely turned into a ghost of the person you once knew. He no longer smiles whenever people call his name in the hallway or jokes around with Jeno and Donghyuck in the Great Hall.

He becomes a true, stereotypical Slytherin — emotionless and disinterested.

It concerns you, honestly. However, your friends have ruled it to be none of your business.

“But he’s just so lifeless! I just want to make sure he’s doing okay.”

Doyeon waves a finger at you like a mother scolding her disobedient toddler. “He should be the furthest thing from your mind. You need to be focused more on your studies and less on boys.”

You really start to feel like a rebellious teenager when Jimin places her hands on your shoulders and pushes you down to sit on the edge of her bed.

“One day, you’re going to grow up and realize we are just trying to do what’s best for you,” she clicks her tongue.

You frown. “It wasn’t even a year ago when you two were encouraging me to come out of my shell and date Jaemin!”

“Yes, and that was before he made you cry and got the whole school to believe you were trying to break relationships left and right,” Doyeon says, arms flailing about. “We don’t trust him like we used to.”

“Turns out he really was just a man,” Jimin sighs, shaking her head.

Despite their disapproval, you search for Jaemin that night to try and open a civil conversation with him. You want him to know that you don’t blame him for what occurred the previous year and it would be best for you both to try and move on.

You’re about to turn the corner to the Slytherin dorms when you hear a sharp gasp.

You shield yourself behind a pillar, eyes peeking out to identify the cause of the sound. You nearly choke when you see Jaemin has Lee Seojeong pressed up against the wall, his fingers hidden underneath her skirt.

Jaemin hisses lowly. “Keep quiet. You said you would.”

“I’m sorry,” she whimpers in apology. Her sorrows soon turn into cries of lust, gripping Jaemin’s shoulder tightly.

You’re frozen in your spot, unsure of what to do. Your heart is thumping wildly in your ears and you’re ashamed to admit the arousal pooling at the bottom of your stomach.

You can see Seojeong is finding it harder and harder to muffle her cries and just before she reaches her high, Jaemin’s eyes suddenly flicker over to zero in on you.

Surprise fills his features as much as it does yours, and you both ignore that Seojeong has already tipped over the edge. Jaemin withdraws his fingers from her, still staring intensely at you.

Mortified by getting caught, you quickly turn and run back to Doyeon and Jimin’s room, praying the world will swallow you whole.

Much to your chagrin, the world is not on your side.

The next day, your Charms professor announces a class project, sharing that he’s already paired up the class. And, of course, you find yourself with the Slytherin boy you’re trying your best to avoid. You’re incredibly embarrassed when Jaemin approaches your desk.

“Um,” you say bashfully, trying your best to not look at him. The burn of his stare from the previous night is still ingrained in the back of your mind. “I think we should divide the work evenly. I can start researching the history while you can look into the process of casting the charm.”

Jaemin, on the other hand, is enjoying watching you squirm. Ever since last year’s incident, he’s built up a few walls to shield himself from the lingering stories in the Hogwarts castle. He blames himself for causing you so much heartbreak and promised at the start of sixth year that he wouldn’t let people in as easily as he used to. He really only talks to Jeno and Donghyuck now, ignoring the rest of his classmates who are probably only using him as fodder to feed the lurking gossip.

As for Seojeong, she’s one of the many girls he’s been hooking up with to take his mind off of you. He accidentally slipped up a few months ago when he said your name in the midst of his release with another girl, encouraging even more people to whisper about you and him. Luckily, he shut it down before word ever got to you. He’s been a lot more careful with his restraint since then.

He never expected to meet your gaze while he was fingering Seojeong outside of the Slytherin dorms.

And he won’t lie if someone asked him if he has fantasized about your curious eyes watching him pleasure someone else before.

“That sounds fair.”

You nod at his short response, still refusing to meet his stare. You quickly gather your books in your arms.

“I-I’ll meet you at the end of the week to discuss what I find then.”

You don’t tell Doyeon or Jimin what happened that night. They question you when you return to their dorm a little frazzled and panicked, but you say that you simply saw a bug in the hallway that creeped you out.

They buy your excuse then, but grow increasingly more suspicious when you continue to act on edge for the rest of the week.

“Alright, what in Merlin is going on with you? You heard a chair squeak and I swear you jumped out of your skin,” Doyeon says, eyes narrowed at you.

Jimin leans forward on the library table to get a closer look at your flushed expression.

“N-Nothing!” You stutter, fingers rolling through the fabric of your skirt nervously. “I’m just- um, I’m just-“

They watch you flounder, eyebrows raised as you struggle to find the right words.

“Could I ask you both a question? And you have to promise that you won’t ask me any follow-up questions in return.”

Doyeon and Jimin exchange a glance before nodding hesitantly.

“Go ahead.”

You take a deep breath. “Have you two ever, you know, been with someone? Like on an intimate level?”

A moment of silence passes before questions erupt from the two.

“Is someone trying to pressure you into having sex?”

“Oh Merlin, do we have to go and kill someone? Who’s trying to put their hands on you?”

You swiftly shush them, turning your head to check if anyone in the library is eavesdropping in on you.

“You promised,” you whine.

They sigh, clearly stressed from the idea of you being pressured into anything.

Jimin speaks first. “Yes, I have. It was awkward and not that fun, if I’m being honest.”

Doyeon hums in agreement. “Definitely more pleasurable for the guy than the girl most of the time.”

“Okay,” you drawl, trying to figure out how to ask them what you’re really wondering. “So it was a one time thing? You weren’t in a relationship with them?”

They nod. You huff, pondering over the idea. You would never admit your jealousy, but the image of Jaemin pleasuring Seojeong chilled you to your core. Your mind has been swirling with frenzied thoughts all week — were they dating now? When did Jaemin suddenly start fingering girls in public? Did this mean he really wanted nothing to do with you anymore? And lastly, how did you fall so far behind your classmates sexually?

A tap on your shoulder takes you out of your trance. Doyeon and Jimin’s expressions have suddenly turned stern, lips pursed at whoever has approached your table.

“Hey, you ready to discuss our project?”

Your eyes flit up to catch the boy that has been haunting your dreams. Jaemin’s fingers brush through his hair casually, and you speculate if he knows how attractive he looks.

“Yeah, I’m ready,” you reply nervously, taking your notebook and standing to walk with him.

Doyeon says your name with fervor before you can leave. “Maybe one of us should go with you. Or you can talk about your project here.”

You don’t miss her implication and the fact that the former topic of conversation has them theorizing that Jaemin is the one bringing your sexual awakening to light.

“I think we’ll be fine,” Jaemin answers for you, ignoring their glares and escorting you to another table towards the back of the library.

You avoid his gaze as much as possible when you sit down, opening your notebook and immediately diving into the details of the Bubble-Head Charm.

“The charm can be dated back for centuries, and many wizards believe it was created to help them swim underwater-“

“Did you enjoy the show?”

His sudden question brings you out of your notes, and for the first time in a week, you take a look at him.

He’s studying you fiercely, eyes piercing into the depths of your soul.

“What show?” You ask in confusion, not understanding how this could possibly be related to your project.

“I don’t usually like an audience when I’m trying to help someone on the brink of their climax,” he says unabashedly. Your breath catches in your throat. “I find that I don’t mind it when it’s you though.”

“I think we should focus on the project, Nana,” you whisper, not realizing how easily the nickname has slipped from your lips.

“You’re still going to call me that?” He asks, eyes unexpectedly clouded with fury. “Still going to act like the innocent girl when you played the little voyeur for me?”

“Jaemin,” you say quietly, your body flaring with an equal weight of lust and embarrassment. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to intrude on you and Seojeong.”

He scoffs. “You think I care about her? I bet you pictured yourself in her place, hm? Begging for me to help you cum, looking so desperate for me in a public space,” he laughs, keeping his voice low for only you to hear his crude words. He drinks in your appalled expression. “What? Do you miss when I was the nice boy for you, helping you grab a book when you couldn’t reach it on your own? Chasing after you with my tail tucked between my legs?”

He moves his chair until he’s seated right beside you, hand resting on the inside of your thigh. You jolt at the contact, praying he doesn’t discover your wetness soaking through your panties.

“Or do you like it better when I’m straightforward like this? Telling you exactly how I want you?”

His face is inches from yours, and you can feel his breath hitting your cheek. If you move just a little closer, you could probably kiss him-

Another hand suddenly grabs your elbow, pulling you away from Jaemin’s hold.

“Get away from her!” Jimin growls while Doyeon starts to collect your things, shoving it in your bag hurriedly.

“Don’t even think about touching her again.”

Your friends whisk you away from the table, leaving Jaemin with a raging hard-on and eyes full of determination.

—

You’re in your seventh year when you desperately want Na Jaemin to kiss you.

The tables have turned quite exceptionally. Contrary to previous years, you find yourself pursuing the Slytherin boy.

After last year’s encounter in the library, you convinced Doyeon and Jimin that Jaemin’s advances were wanted by you. You had to sit them down and explain to them that yes, your questions about sex were Jaemin-related and no, they did not have to act like your moms all the time. They still held their reservations when it came to Jaemin and you, and you couldn’t blame them. Your history together was confusing to say the least, but now you could actually say you were starting to recognize the feelings you had for him.

The only problem was that Jaemin seemed to lose all interest in you.

Jimin relayed to you the information about Jaemin ceasing all communication with the girls he normally hooked up with, which you took as a good sign, but was disappointed when he made no advances to contact you again.

You failed your Charms project with him because you two couldn’t find the courage to approach one another to resume the study. Instead, you threw heart eye glances to him for the rest of the term, which he easily ignored.

You shyly approach Jeno and Donghyuck on the first day of seventh year.

“I’m sorry, what? Did you just say that you like Jaemin?”

Donghyuck is incredulous, rubbing his eyes and hitting his ears to make sure he’s seeing and hearing you correctly.

Beside him, Jeno simply smirks in understanding. “I was wondering when you’d finally admit it.”

You cower underneath their stares. “I was just going to ask if either of you know if Jaemin likes me too. I don’t think he does anymore so I want to get confirmation.”

Donghyuck laughs. “Are you kidding me? The kid moans your name in his sleep so I think it’s safe to say-“

He yelps when Jeno pinches his side, glaring at him.

“What this idiot is trying to say is that yes, Jaemin likes you. He’s only liked you since we arrived at Hogwarts and we fear he’ll only like you until he dies. I don’t know why you would think otherwise,” Jeno hums, eyebrow raised in questioning.

“Well,” you drone, twiddling your thumbs nervously. “He hasn’t talked to me at all since last year and he doesn’t treat me like he used to. He’s completely iced me out.”

Donghyuck laughs again. “Doubt that. Remember just yesterday when he accidentally said her name when he was talking to Minjeong?”

Jeno pinches his side once more and Donghyuck whines painfully in exaggeration.

“Again, what this idiot is trying to say is that maybe Jaemin is waiting for you to make the first move. He’s made his intentions pretty clear, you know, so I think the ball’s in your court.”

You ponder over Jeno’s words all week, eyes drifting to Jaemin’s figure more than you would possibly admit during classes. Doyeon and Jimin speak the Gryffindor bravery into you as you proceed towards his table in the library — the same table he cornered you at last year.

“Hi,” you squeak, fingers gripping your books to your chest for dear life.

He looks up at you, facial expression remaining neutral.

“Hi.”

“Can I- um, can I sit here?”

He nods and you take the seat beside him. Your whole body is nearly shaking from anxiety but you push through it.

“I wanted to talk to you because- well, I talked to Jeno and Donghyuck and they made me realize that it was my turn to talk to you first. I know things have been weird since the Hyojung incident and I wanted you to know I don’t blame you for that at all! I know it sounded like I was blaming you but then I realized it was just a misunderstanding and I was so overwhelmed by my emotions-“

He places a hand on your arm, stopping your rambling from continuing.

“Take a deep breath,” he says, thumb rubbing circles on your skin in comfort. “Relax. It’s just me.”

You huff and shake your head. “But that’s why I can’t relax. Because it’s you.”

His fingers move to brush the stray hairs from your face, slowly advancing downwards to caress your cheek. You recognize the slightest hint of a smirk ghosting his lips.

“Yeah? You get nervous because of me?”

You nod sheepishly. “You always make me nervous, Nana.”

His eyes darken at the nickname. “You know, you’re the only one who still calls me that.”

“Oh,” you whisper. “I’m sorry, should I stop saying it?”

Your breath hitches when his fingers trail across your bottom lip.

“You never answered my question.”

“H-Huh?”

“About whether you liked me when I was following you around like a pathetic little boy or when I’m direct with my feelings like this,” he murmurs, thumb resting on your tongue. “Suck.”

You almost moan at the instruction, wrapping your lips around the digit. Jaemin curses under his breath, drinking in your innocent eyes blinking back at him.

You pull away to respond. “I like you. I don’t care what you do — I just like you.”

“Aren’t you the fucking sweetest?” He grunts, no longer able to hold himself back as he lunges forward.

You gasp and place a hand on his chest before his lips could collide with yours.

“I-I’ve never kissed anyone before.”

He pulls back, eyebrows furrowed. “But you and Shotaro-“

“We just held hands,” you say meekly, ashamed to admit your lack of experience. “It felt too weird to kiss him.”

He suddenly stands and begins to gather his things, and your shoulders deflate. He probably doesn’t want to be with you anymore now that he knows you’re the virgin who’s never been kissed.

You’re surprised when his hand wraps around yours and he tugs you along. He pulls you out of the library and you try your best to keep up with him.

“Jaemin, where are we going?”

You seem to get your answer when you land in front of the Slytherin dorms. Jaemin quietly mutters the password to enter and you find yourself being led to a grand staircase, realizing he’s bringing you to his dorm room.

“Hey! She can’t be here!” A voice calls from the bottom of the staircase. You’re about to excuse yourself out of humiliation but Jaemin’s grip tightens on your hand.

“Go fuck yourself, Doyoung.”

“Na Jaemin!”

Once you enter Jaemin’s room, you blink at the sight of Yangyang and Donghyuck sitting on the floor, playing a game of Exploding Snap.

“Get out,” Jaemin barks.

They look up and frown, eyes moving back and forth from him to you.

“But it’s nearly midnight-“

“Get the fuck out.”

They both grumble, taking their card game and exiting the room.

“You didn’t have to kick them out,” you start to mumble, but shriek when his hand wraps around your waist, pulling your body to his.

His nose brushes against yours, and you squirm in his hold. He looks so pretty up close, and you ponder if anyone could be more perfect than him.

“Can I kiss you?”

“You still want to?”

“I’ve always wanted to, sweetheart.”

You stutter. “O-Okay.”

Your first kiss is magical. Jaemin’s lips are so soft against yours, and you melt underneath his touch. At first, the kiss is delicate and gentle, with him holding you like you could break at any second. Then, the kiss shifts into something more carnal and desperate, the weight of his body pressing closer and closer to you. His tongue begs for entrance past your lips and you easily grant it, allowing him to nearly swallow you whole.

You rub your thighs together desperately. “Nana,” you whimper.

“What’s wrong, baby?”

You have no idea how to tell him what you want, so you decide to show him instead. You grab his hand and move it until it disappears underneath your skirt, hovering dangerously close to your core.

He chuckles into your mouth. “Maybe we should take it slow. You just had your first kiss.”

“But I want more,” you whine. “I want what you gave to Seojeong.”

“Fuck,” he hisses. “You have no idea what you do to me.” His head moves downwards to press kisses along the side of your neck. “I dreamed of doing this to you nearly every night. I always wondered what pretty sounds you would make for me.”

“Wait,” you stop him and he stills, lips a few inches away from grazing your collarbone. You timidly ask, “Can I be your girlfriend?”

He smiles, raising his head to peck your lips. “You’re so perfect. You can be whatever you want, baby. I’ll buy a ring for you tomorrow if you want it.”

You giggle. “Quit teasing me.”

“It’s cute that you think I’m teasing,” he hums, voice filled with mischief. “It’s cute that you think I wouldn’t get on my knees for you and do whatever you asked.”

You swallow when he does, in fact, get on his knees for you. He pushes up your skirt so that he’s staring directly at your pretty pink panties, all cotton with a little bow in the front. You wish you had worn a sexier pair today, but you would never have guessed you’d be in this position.

You squeak when his mouth messily envelops your cunt, his tongue desperately pushing against the fabric.

You hear him grunt. “Smell so good, baby. Your pussy’s dripping for me.” His fingers hook onto the sides of your underwear, pulling it down your thighs slowly. “Do you touch yourself, sweetheart?”

You flounder. “I tried once,” you confess shakily. “I didn’t really know what I was doing.”

“Oh yeah?” He purrs, running a finger through your folds, eliciting a sharp gasp from you. “When did that happen?”

You struggle to piece a sentence together. “The n-night after I caught you and S-Seojeong. I couldn’t stop t-thinking about it.”

He clicks his tongue. “Dirty girl. You touched yourself thinking about me pleasuring someone else? You liked watching us, didn’t you?”

You whimper. “You were right — I wanted to be her so badly.”

You cry when his mouth wraps around your clit, sucking tightly. You almost fold in on yourself but Jaemin steadies you, hands gripping the back of your thighs to make sure you stay in place.

“Nana,” you beg. “That feels so good. Please don’t stop.”

However, he does withdraw himself from your cunt, evoking a mewl from you.

“No, no, please-“

He guides you towards the bed and you tilt your head in confusion when he lays down first, gesturing for you to join him.

“Come here, baby. Sit on my face.”

You blink. “W-What? That’s dangerous!”

He laughs. “Trust me, dying while eating your pussy is probably the best way to go.”

You hesitate. “Nana…”

“It’s okay, sweet girl. It’ll feel really good, I promise. And if I drown in your cunt then you can cast that Bubble-Head Charm to save me.”

“Nana!”

You decide to trust him after a brief deliberation, awkwardly maneuvering your way onto the bed and hovering over his face.

“Are you sure this is safe?”

Instead of verbally responding, he grabs a handful of your ass and plants you down until your core sits directly on his mouth. You frantically reach for the headboard to steady yourself, unable to stop the moans crawling out of your throat.

He eats you like you’re his last meal, tongue lapping at your folds and sucking on your clit. You’ve never been touched like this before — never been wanted so desperately by a man who’s willing to cut off his source of breathing just to get a taste of you. You move one hand to grip at his hair, tugging at the strands whenever a sensation grows to be too much for you.

Jaemin is locked in on a mission to get you to your orgasm. The idea of him being the first person to help you reach your climax is so incredibly arousing that he could honestly cum untouched.

You gasp when pleasure spreads across your entire body, accidentally rolling your hips to ride Jaemin’s tongue. He moans in encouragement, using his hands to guide you as you use him like a toy.

“J-Jaemin-“

He sucks your clit hard, and that sends you over. Frantic whimpers spill from your lips as you release onto his awaiting tongue. Your thighs tremble from the intensity of your orgasm, all while Jaemin laps at your gushing wetness.

The pleasure shifts to discomfort from oversensitivity and he finally allows you to draw back. You grow flustered when you pull away and see the smear of your arousal covering his face. He eagerly licks his lips and sighs in content.

Your embarrassment multiplies tenfold when you realize what you’ve done, frantically shuffling away and pulling your underwear back up your legs.

“Where are you going, baby?” He murmurs, wrapping a hand around your wrist and pulling you back to the bed. Your back meets his chest and he hums, pressing kisses to your throat.

“T-That was s-so-“

“What’s wrong, pretty girl? Are you feeling dirty now that you let a silly boy eat your little cunt?”

You squirm. “Jaemin-“

He shushes you gently. “Poor baby. You want a little more? I know your pussy’s aching for it.”

Your eyes trail downwards to the bulge in his slacks, looking like he’s about to burst through the seams.

“Will it hurt?” You ask softly, feeling slightly intimidated.

“A little bit, but I’ll help you through it.”

You nod. “O-Okay.”

He starts to move you so that you’re lying down on the bed, but you wrap a hand around his to stop him.

“Can we stay like this? I like it when you hold me this way.”

His arm snakes around your middle and he tugs you closer. “Of course, baby. You’re going to have to be patient, okay? Just take a deep breath and trust me.”

You whine when his fingers dance around the inside of your thighs.

“What are you doing?”

“Have to stretch you first or else it’s going to hurt more, okay?”

You tentatively nod and he takes your panties off for good, flinging them across the room. You’re still sensitive from your first orgasm so you nearly blubber when he pushes a finger inside of your dripping hole. The sensation feels both foreign and otherworldly, almost like an itch you’ve been dying to scratch. You cry when he curls his finger, sending shockwaves up your spine.

He tilts your head to the side so he can plant another kiss to your lips. He distracts you from a second finger joining the first as he slowly thrusts both up into you.

“Doing perfect, sweetheart,” he sighs into your mouth. “So so perfect for me. Going to add one more, alright?”

“Okay, Nana.”

He whispers more praises in your ear while you somehow find a way to fit three of his fingers inside your tight pussy. You roll your hips to feel more of him, completely stuffed full.

“That’s a good girl. Ride my fingers, baby.”

Your body reacts before your mind does, lewdly dripping down his hand as you chase another impending orgasm. Your mind is clouded by a haze of lust, feeling like an animal in heat with the way you eagerly push onto his digits.

“I think I’m gonna-“

“I know, baby. Go ahead, I’m right here,” he coaxes.

All it takes is a few more twists of your hips and his thumb flicking over your abused clit for you to cum. You shudder, cunt pulsing around him as you come down from your high. You whimper when he withdraws his fingers and brings them to his mouth, licking up remnants of your wetness.

“How did that feel?”

You squeak. “It felt good.”

He smiles and kisses you once more. “Pretty girl. Want to take my cock now?”

You nod shyly, allowing him to unzip his pants and unsheath his length. Your eyes widen slightly at the size of him, his cock angrily red and tip leaking.

“That looks like it hurts,” you comment on his swelling shaft as he adjusts your bodies so that your cunt is hovering over him.

“It does, sweetheart. And you’re the only one who can make it better. Now take a deep breath for me.” You obey his command, inhaling and exhaling slowly to prepare yourself. He turns your head again to look at him. “You don’t have to say it back, but I love you, okay? Loved you since our first year here. Want to make this feel good for you.”

Your eyes suddenly well with tears. “I love you too, Nana. And I trust you, more than anyone else.”

His grin is blinding and his lips smack against yours, the tip of his cock slowly pushing into your waiting cunt. You painfully whine and he holds you tighter, reminding you to relax and breathe. He drives you lower and lower until you’re nearly halfway down his cock, and you gasp loudly. His thumb returns to your clit, circling the bud gently to help you along.

“Doing okay, sweetheart?”

You shake your head. “Y-Yeah, keep going, Nana.”

He sings praises in your ear until he’s bottomed out and you were definitely wrong before — this is what it feels like to be completely stuffed full. He lets you adjust to his size until your tiny cries of discomfort shift into whimpers of pleasure.

“Going to start moving now. Tell me if it’s too much, baby.”

He gives an experimental thrust that has you moaning.

“Good, good,” you breathe, encouraging him to keep going.

He starts pushing into you gradually, groaning at the feeling of your warm walls wrapped tightly around his cock.

“I’m not going to last, baby.”

You squeal when his thrusts increase speed, his thumb pressing harder against your clit.

“Ungh, ungh, ungh-“

Vulgar sounds echo in the tiny dorm room with your wetness leaking down Jaemin’s cock and his skin slapping against yours forcefully. You feel like you could easily come again, but your mind screams at you that something’s missing.

“Nana?”

He’s drilling into you now, trying his best to move you up and down his cock at a rapid pace.

“Yeah, baby- fuck,” he hisses, not knowing if you realize how your pussy constantly clenches around him. “What is it?”

“Can you kiss me?”

He swears he’s been blessed by Merlin himself to have a girl as sweet as you. He grants your wish, enveloping his lips with yours and swirling his tongue inside your mouth sloppily.

The simple gesture is enough to serve as the snap to your third orgasm. He moans when he feels your cunt spasm, and he finally releases his warm seed deep into your womb.

You both try to catch your breath as you come down from your high. He kisses you again, and it’s a messy mix of saliva and tongues, but you wouldn’t have it any other way.

“I really liked that,” you confess, and he laughs.

“Good, because we’re going to be doing it a lot from now on. I’m not wasting any more time with you.”

—

You’re about to graduate from Hogwarts when Doyeon and Jimin can’t find you.

You’re meant to be boarding the enchanted boats soon — a ritual that all seventh years take during the end of their Hogwarts stay. All three of you promised to take a boat together, but your two friends can’t seem to find you anywhere.

“Do you think she got kidnapped?”

“Why do you always jump to kidnapping?” Jimin sighs exasperatedly. “I bet you Jaemin just couldn’t take his paws off of her.”

And they would be very correct as Na Jaemin is currently pounding you in the Charms classroom, fingers crumpling your skirt as he watches his cock disappear into your pussy.

“W-We’re gonna m-miss the boats,” you moan, clutching your desk and whining pathetically.

“Don’t give a fuck. You’re the one who wouldn’t let me get my share of this pussy last night.”

“I was hanging out with Doyeon and Jimin! It was our last night in the castle together.”

“Yeah, just like it’s my last time getting to fuck you in this classroom.”

He thrusts into the particular spot that has you keening, back arched as you moan loudly. Usually, your boyfriend would try to keep you quiet, but considering today’s your last day of schooling, he doesn’t see the point.

What could they do, expel you? You already finished all of your exams.

A screech erupts in the doorway and he hears Jimin’s infuriated voice.

“I told you! Jaemin, give the girl a break!”

You cry as you reach your climax, squirting all over Jaemin’s cock and scattering your wetness across the floor. He groans and buries himself deep inside of you, spurting ropes of his cum until his cock begs him for some rest.

“They say when you raise kids that you should expect the day they disappoint you. I didn’t know that this is what they meant,” Doyeon sighs.

You quickly fumble to pull on your skirt and Jaemin tucks himself back into his slacks.

“It smells awful in here! How long have you two been going at it?” Jimin hisses, pinching the bridge of her nose.

“A couple of hours,” he replies with a smirk, wincing when you hit his chest as a warning.

You shakily stand and try to make yourself look presentable. “I’ll be right there!” You call out to your friends, ignoring the perturbed look on their faces. You would normally be ashamed, but that feeling disappeared months ago when they constantly caught you and Jaemin fucking in almost every inch of the castle.

Before you can leave, he wraps an arm around your waist and pulls you in for another kiss.

“I’ll see you on the train, baby?”

“You can’t fuck her on the train!”

You both breeze past Jimin’s comment.

“I’ll see you there. Love you.”

“Love you. And hey, I think you’re pretty.”

You giggle and press your lips to his again.

Doyeon and Jimin take you away before the kiss can progress into another round of fucking.

OPERATION RIZZ - NA JAEMIN

Navi - M.list

EDITED NOTE: I just want to thank you all so so much for the love you've shown this fic! to celebrate, check out the early release of End To Start!

Pairing: Na Jaemin x fem!reader (Ft. Yangyang, Haechan, Johnny, Jeno, and mentions of other nct members, nct dream are the friend group, the Jeno and his girlfriend mentioned are the same pairings from Quiet and Game over!)

Genre: Fluff, angst, humor, college au nct,

Synopsis: In an attempt to teach Donghyuck how to get a girlfriend, Jaemin helps him make a list only... that list seems awfully familiar.

wc: 7.8k ( my longest fic yet, I have perished.)

warnings: reference to the sexual activity that happened in Game Over between Jeno and his girlfriend, Mentions of smoking a joint at a frat party but no detailed usage and not by the two mc, Alcohol, Drunk reader, swearing, cringe pick up lines, reader, and Jaemin play the horror game 'the quarry' but no spoilers, timeline jumps a bit but I'm certain it's still understandable, mentions of harsh pranks being pulled by readers previous roommates, hints at previous roommates being bullies to the reader.

A/N: Hi, my lovelies. This fic was a wild ride, I'm telling you. I'm still not satisfied with the header but we move ig. This took me five-ish days I think, mainly cause I left it for at least three of those. I honestly hope you love this as much as I do. If I have missed any warnings please let me know! @sexygrass you asked me to tag you in the finished product! here you are,

Feel free to send me asks to talk about the fic, I love talking about fic characters.

Feedback and reblogs are appreciated!

It was a funny thing to watch Donghyuck fail miserably. It was even funnier to watch the brightly colored cocktail drip from the ends of his hair, soaking into his pristine white t-shirt. To Jaemin, it was the best entertainment in the world to watch his friend flirt terribly. There was a reason Jisung called him bitchless. Not to doom any potential girl Donghyuck could end up with, but the guy was just a walking beacon of cringe pickup lines.

Like tonight. Jaemin had watched from his spot perched on a barstool a few seats away as his friend confidently walked up to the bar. He’d internally winced as Donghyuck had added his own drink to the girl’s tab and he’d tried so hard to still his facial features when the said drink was promptly tipped over his head following the line he gave. “You owe me a drink, I dropped mine when I looked at you.”

It was safe to say that the man crashed, burned, and disintegrated. Jaemin couldn’t hold his laughter for long, barely able to set his drink down on the bar without spilling it before the howls of laughter racked through his body. He felt a hand slap down on his shoulder, the sounds of Yangyang’s own hysterical laughter hitting his ears.

“It’s not funny! Look at my shirt!” Donghyuck growled in annoyance, fingers plucking the wet material away from his skin. “I’m going to clean up...”

The man moved to brush past his two friends, Yangyang stilling his laughter long enough to reach out and grasp his sleeve. “I wouldn’t, Restrooms occupied.” He straightened from his hunched-over position, his voice strained from holding in further laughter. “Think Jeno’s trying to one-up over Jaehyun, dragged his girl in there and locked the door about twenty minutes or so ago.”

“For fuck sake!” He whined, foot kicking at a leg of Jaemin’s bar stool.

Jaemin stood, finally able to keep his laughter at bay. “What did you expect? He literally dragged us here in a fit of jealous rage.” He scoffed light-heartedly, slinging an arm over Donghyuck’s shoulder. “Come on, let’s just go home - Yang, you crashing at Hyuck’s too?” Jaemin craned his neck to catch his fellow 00’ liner’s answer.

Yangyang shrugged in acceptance of the offer, slinging his own arm over Hyuck’s other shoulder.

“So,” Hyuck began, pausing to slurp some of his McDonald’s strawberry milkshake through the disintegrating paper straw. “You’re telling me that my lines don’t work at all?”

Yangyang and Jaemin gave a pointed look to each other, almost as if trying to decide who should be the bearer of bad news. Jaemin gave a slight sigh, his mouth poised ready to talk but his brain still trying to come up with an answer.

“It’s just … You’ve got no rizz” He let the statement hang in the air, chewing into his cheek as Donghyuck blanched at the blunt statement.

“And you have?” He jeered in defense, chuckling in amusement.

“Dude, he’s the rizzler.” Yangyang piped in, the amused grin on his face broadening. “Jaemin’s got effortless rizz and he doesn’t even try.”

Jaemin was startled when his friend threw himself over his lap with a drawn-out dramatic cry. “Then help me!” He pleaded, loosely gripping Jaemin’s collar to shake him.

“Christ! Okay, Okay!” He gave in pretty quickly, shoving Donghyuck off of him with a little effort.

Jaemin shook his head at Hyuck’s antics, Yangyang laughing along with him. No words were spoken for a few moments until the latter made an announcement.

“Let Operation Rizz commence.”

Over the course of the next ten minutes, the two made Donghyuck write down his own step-by-step guide how to get a date.

Jaemin plucked the notepad from his friends' fingers, reading through them with a grimace of distaste.

"Step one is wink?" He read off in disbelief, nearly choking on air when he read step two. "Flirt with her best friend. Are you insane?"

He snatched the pen from Hyuck, ripping the list out of the book and scrunching it Into a ball.”We’ll rewrite it.”

"That's what the Buzzfeed article said to do!" That comment alone earned him a paper ball to the head.

"You need to practice and observe." Yangyang was right, it would be handy to have an actual female to be a 'test subject' as it were.

"But who? The only girls Hyuck know hate him and the only girl I kno–" Jaemin's words stopped dead as he caught onto what his friend was hinting at. "Absolutely not. ____, would never agree to this."

At least Jaemin hoped his roommate would be repulsed enough by the idea to call him crazy and move on.

The thing is, Jaemin had been a little selfish when it came to you. He had very rarely invited you to hang with any of his friends, not that he had to — you were purely roommates who had the same computer science class. That was how you met him. Jaemin had rocked up to class, late and unbothered. It was you who caught onto his small tales of anxiety when he struggled to catch up, wordlessly sliding your notes on the previous few slides onto his desk.

STEP ONE: BEFRIEND

After the lesson had ended and various students began to pile out of the door, you slowly started to pack up your things. A throat being cleared gained your attention, Jaemin looking at you sheepishly, a hand rubbing the back of his neck.

"Thanks for that." A smile of chagrin directed toward you. “I thought I could catch up but Mr. Kim just goes so fast.”

You chuckled, pinching your notes from the table to put them in your bag, zipping it up, and turning toward your classmate. “Next time, don’t be late.” Jaemin was drawn to the way your eyes crinkled at the corners when you granted him a grin. “It’s my turn to be late next class.”

True to your word, at 8:45 am the following Thursday, you snuck into the back of the class. You looked disheveled and half-dead to your fellow classmates. You didn’t want the unwanted attention that was sure to be drawn to you if you scrambled down to a vacant seat at the front, instead, you slipped into the closest empty seat on the back row.

You tried to make as minimal noise as possible when taking your things out of your backpack and you were so preoccupied with the action that you almost jumped when a few sheets of paper were slipped wordlessly onto your desk from the seat next to you.

The two of you fell into an unspoken routine this way. Jaemin would take notes for you to copy if you were late and vice versa, an unspoken rule being you took turns being late. For you, this wasn’t a problem. You were rarely late, something Jaemin noticed when he was hurriedly yanking on his jeans in an attempt to leave on time. He had secretly cursed you at that moment. Jaemin couldn’t be late, it wasn’t his turn and the rule was unspoken.

The next time you were late, you were very late. Jaemin had honestly thought you weren’t coming, his eyeline drifted to the door on multiple occasions. An odd feeling of disappointment settled in his chest. You had become the highlight of his day, Jaemin found himself looking forward to his computer science classes for once.

When you did finally turn up and slip into the seat next to him, he noticed you didn’t even make a move to remove your things from your backpack. You just stared straight ahead, hair drenched from the horrible weather outside and unshed tears pooling at your waterline.

One look at you and Jaemin’s teasing expression faded. He set his pen down, angling his body toward your seat. “Are you okay?” Jaemin almost slapped himself, it was obvious you weren’t.

You raised the damp sleeve of your sweater to wipe at your face, “Sorry I’m late, Jaemin.” Your voice was raw and croaky, he was sure you were going to get sick. “I slept in my car.”

The male blanched, eyebrows shooting to his hairline. Jaemin was sensitive enough to keep his voice low and careful, trying to coax the answers to his many questions from you. “Why, What happened?”

You sniffled quietly, fighting the urge to curl into yourself and hide. “My housemates locked me out again.” Jaemin’s expression softened, his hand reaching over to tuck your wet hair behind your ear. “Then my car broke down on the way to campus.”

Jaemin had heard about how your housemates were. You’d ranted to him in many lessons about what they were like. The only reason you were all housed together was through the private landlord student accommodation scheme set up for students who didn’t want the dormitory life.

He knew full well that it was a popular-eat-nerd food chain out there and he was grateful his grandma paid his rent for him - Always grandma’s favorite boy. It only took a few more of those incidents for Jaemin to offer his precious games room. He proposed a very convincing argument.

“Look, It’s a steal!” He exclaimed, “No rent and we just split the rest of the utilities and grocery costs, your own room, closer to campus, and me!” Jaemin flashed you his pearly whites at his winning argument.

“I can’t just take up your space like that, Jaemin.” You sighed, as much of an amazing offer it was… You didn’t want it out of pity.

“We’ll probably barely see each other! We can split the chores and work something out.”

It was safe to say you ended up caving into the offer. Any college student would snatch up the deal of accommodation with no rental costs.

Jaemin sat open-mouthed as you bobbed your head in agreement with the idea. “Hm, Yang’s right. I’m the only girl you know that won’t get violent when Hyuck acts like a douche.” You sat back in your chair, swiping Jaemin’s iced coffee from the table and taking a sip through the straw.

“I’m sorry, what?” He spluttered, “Hyuck gets attached, clingy. What if he likes you?” Jaemin’s worries were irrelevant to everyone else but him.

Jaemin didn’t like the idea of Donghyuck catching feelings but he supposed he may be acting on possessive instinct. He shook his head, avoiding the look Yangyang was giving him. It was like the guy was trying to analyze his expressions and read his mind. He felt momentarily exposed.

“Speak of the devil and he shall appear,” You snickered, “Donghyuck, sit.”

Hyuck brushed off his barista apron, shoving his order pad into one of the large pockets in the front as he sat at the vacant chair at the table. You sat up from your slouched position in your chair, sliding Jaemin’s coffee back over to him - the cup being halfway empty by now.

“Show me what you got.” You tapped the table with your hand.

You, Jaemin, and Yangyang watched as Hyuck ran a hand through his hair, his left eye dropping into a wink that could only be described as cringe when he leaned forward toward you. “Are you a transformer?” He paused a moment, long enough to give an over-exaggerated lip bite, his flirty gaze running up and down your torso. “ ‘Cause you’re Optimus fin-” His confidence was harshly broken as you mocked the sound of a loud buzzer.

“Pickup lines don’t work anymore, Dude.” You crossed your arms over your chest. “That was- …. I don’t actually have words for how bad that truly was.” Donghyuck’s face fell.

“Technically, we’re skipping step one because you already kind of know ____. So, step one is ‘befriend’. If she was a stranger you’d have just failed miserably.” Jaemin said to his friend, lifting his coffee to inspect the cup of the missing liquid.

“Alright, What’s step two?” Hyuck shrugged, looking expectantly at his friends.

STEP TWO: GET TO KNOW

Back when you had first moved in with Jaemin, the two of you were more than awkward. It felt odd for each of you to see each other in your most vulnerable states. At home. In class things were different, that was a side of you that prepared to go out and face the day, a social mask slipping in place.

It took just one instance to get over the hurdle of timidness between you both. One Saturday, Jaemin had just gotten back with the groceries, the list crumpled in one of the bags he was hefting. You were leaning against the breakfast bar in the kitchen, a mug of coffee - specifically a Chocolate Mocha from a sachet - cupped in your hands.

Once all of the bags were strewn over the kitchen counter and the floor surrounding the fridge, you set your mug in the sink and began helping.

“Oh, no way!” You gasped, holding up the box of frozen desserts. “Two-ball-screwballs?” Jaemin looked up from shoving frozen food into the freezer drawers, a surprised smile on his face.

“Yeah! My mom used to get them for me every Friday after school.” He shut the drawer he was working on.

“I thought they were discontinued!” You gushed, tearing open the box and removing the cone-shaped cup. “I love these.”

Jaemin’s shoulders perked, his eyes brightening. “You’re kidding! My friends think they’re low tier.” He took the box from you, removing one of the plastic cones for himself and putting the rest into the freezer to save them from melting.

“Low tier? Your friends are low tier.” You scoffed jokingly, peeling off the top.

Jaemin rose to his feet, accepting the teaspoon you offered to him. “I’ll pay you ten to say that to Chenle’s face.” He chuckled, diving his spoon into the red cherry slush.

“What other gems are you hiding?” You questioned, spoon hanging from your mouth as you began to finish off the groceries with your free hand.

“Depends, do you like video games?” Jaemin lifted himself to perch on the breakfast bar.

“I like watching people play them,” You cast a glance back at your roommate. “I don’t have the hand-eye coordination for them.”

Jaemin hummed in thought, his gaze locked onto the dessert in his hand. “If I set up in the living room, do you wanna, maybe, watch me play?” He offered, discreetly peering up at you without lifting his head.

He watched you ponder over the idea a moment before nodding, “Sure.”

That night, you and Jaemin settled onto the couch with the controller firmly in his hand. You stared at the opening game screen ‘The Quarry’ glitching back at you. Jaemin had promised you that this wasn’t so much of a fast-paced game and more of a multiple choice.

“It’s a horror game-” He caught the look of unease on your face. “But it’s not that bad! It’s like a movie but you choose what happens and each option you choose alters the game path. It’s really cool!” The look on his face, as he describes one of his favorite games, will forever be your favorite expression on him.

His eyes light with excitement, and the controller drops to his lap as he uses elaborate hand gestures to explain the concept to you. There’s a feeling deep down that you want him to look like that whilst talking about you. But, that’s stupid, right? You’d only known him a few months at that point.

“Can you turn the subtitles on? I can’t hear a thing without them.” You nudged him with your elbow, prompting Jaemin to stare at you in amusement.

“If I wanted to read a book, I would.” He quipped, still navigating the settings to turn them on for you regardless.

You were only on the first chapter of the game and somehow you’d ended up scrunched up into Jaemin’s side, all awkwardness from before long gone. “No no! Don’t go down there, That’s just stupid!” You shouted, peeking up from his shoulder.

“____,” Jaemin laughed, “We have to, it’s the gameplay. We gotta follow Max into the cellar.” A hand left his controller to pat the top of your head.

You were both late for class the next day.

“Get to know them? How long will this take?” Donghyuck complained, a pout playing at his lips.

He wasn’t a patient man and quite honestly, this was taking longer than he had thought. You cast him a sharp look. “Hyuck, you said you wanted a girlfriend. A lot of work goes into the buildup.”

“Can’t you just date me and then I don’t have to get to know anyone?” He huffed, letting his forehead drop to the table.

His question earned him two abrupt shouts of “No!” Both Yangyang and you exchanged slightly shocked looks at how quickly Jaemin said it along with you.

“Ugh! Fine, so, I get to know them.” Donghyuck lifted his head. “Do I have to ask questions?”

A mumbled ‘He’s hopeless’ under your breath had you receiving two kicks under the table as Jaemin responded to the question. “Yeah, Ask about her hobbies, and family, know the basics, and find a niche to get into deeper conversation.”

“Noted. So, find things in common, then?” Hyuck voiced the question with slight uncertainty.

You grinned, tapping his arm to reward him. “Yeah, exactly!” You studied him a moment, face scrunched in thought. “Say… Hyuck, is there someone in specific you’ve got your eye on?” You questioned.

Hyuck laughed nervously, the three sets of eyes staring at him intently making him slightly nervous. See, Donghyuck always had an obvious tell when he was hiding something. First, eye contact became nonexistent. Then, he would over-blink, his friends joked that he’d take off if he blinked too fast. Lastly, the incoherent defense. Hyuck was doing all of those things.

“Do we need to teach you to lie as well?” Yangyang teased, jabbing his friend in the side.

“Speak for yourself, I don’t lie.” You spoke, pretending to inspect your nails until Jaemin’s snort of laughter cut across the table to you.

“Yeah, right. ____, who ate the last two-ball screwball?” He quipped, an eyebrow raised in challenge at you.

“Uhm, Luna.” It wasn’t Jaemin’s cat.

STEP THREE: GESTURES OF KINDNESS

It was rare for you to go out with your friends. It was rare for you to get drunk, too. You had declined an invitation to the neo-frat party for months, much to the disappointment of your friend. It was after four months of living with Jaemin that you found out he was going, only then did you finally accept the next invitation you received.

You’d spent all afternoon following your friends around the shopping plaza to find the right outfit. Your outfit was at your friends' house, you didn’t see the need to overdress for drinking in a stuffy frat house full of sweaty college kids.

The first glimpse of you Jaemin had caught that day was an hour into the party, the frat house in full swing. He’d been roped in to help set up, his friend Mark being a part of it and Hyuck being heavily involved. Jaemin had been looking for you all night and when he finally caught you, you were talking to Johnny.

Jaemin felt unsettled, though he had no choice who you spoke to. He kept glancing at you, hand gripping the solo cup tighter in his hand the more you laughed at Johnny’s jokes. You’d been drinking, that much was clear. Your cheeks a rosy red and your eyes slightly glazed with intoxication, Jaemin had caught onto how you swayed subtly on the spot, your hand gestures over-exaggerated, and your giggles that seemed to happen at everything Johnny said.

Jaemin’s gaze tore away from you when a hand waved in front of his face, his mind catching up with reality when he saw his best friend. “Jeno, sorry, didn’t hear you.”

Jeno gave his friend a knowing look, shaking his head. “You were staring, if you like her then tell her.” He shrugged, lifting his beer bottle to his lips to take a swig.

Jaemin frowned, his eyeline drawn to you once more as he shook his head. “It’s a bad idea, we live together.” As much as he hated to admit it, Jaemin wondered if inviting you to live with him was a mistake for this reason. “It’d be awkward if it didn’t work out, Jen.”

It’d taken Jaemin only one month of living with you to come to the conclusion that he was slowly becoming head over heels infatuated with you. He wasn’t entirely sure if it was love yet, but Jaemin knew you made him feel things that were an entirely new experience.

“If you’re so headstrong on it, make me a bet.” Jaemin’s attention was stolen away from you once more, his eyebrows scrunched in an expression that told Jeno that he wasn’t really listening at all. “If you end up dating by… let's say, the end of the academic year, then you have to get a tattoo.”

Jaemin gulped slightly, he wasn’t a fan of needles. But he was so sure he would be able to resist you. “Fine, if we don’t, you’ve got to get one. In a place of my choosing.” Jaemin mastered a grin, shaking Jeno’s hand to seal the deal.

When Jaemin turned back around, you or Johnny were nowhere to be seen. His mind’s implication of what it meant had his heart dropping into his stomach. He bitterly shook his head, downing the rest of the ‘special punch’ in his cup.

Jaemin went on with the party, utterly miserable at the thought of you holed up in one of the various upstairs bedrooms with Johnny. Of all people. You had to choose the biggest player out there. It was almost like Jaemin was walking around with his own cloud of self-loathing thundering over his head.

He’d thrown himself onto one of the lawn chairs that surrounded the outdoor pool, running a hand over his face. However, he soon froze when he spotted Johnny. The frat member was with Jaehyun and the frat leader, Taeyong. Jaemin noticed the absence of you immediately and it had him springing up from his seat with a slight stumble. Jaemin wasn’t drunk, he was just bordering the line between tipsy and lightly mellow.

Jaemin tapped urgently on Johnny’s shoulder, the older male turning to him with a doped-up smile. Johnny removed the joint from his mouth, offering it out to Jaemin with a hazed blink. “Where’s ____?” Was his immediate response.

Confusion clouded the elder's face for a moment before he laughed loudly. “Man, she’s wasted!” Jaemin gritted his teeth as a bout of smoke wafted in front of his face.

“Yeah, good to know.” He rushed out in exasperation. “Where?” Johnny’s smile dropped as he shrugged.

“Last I knew, she was asleep on the stairs.” Jaemin didn’t wait for any further explanation, bolting it back inside the house and to the sweeping staircase near the front door.

Sure enough, that’s where he found you. Your lips set into an adorable pout from where your head had hung in your slumber. Jaemin was certain that your neck would hurt in the morning if he didn’t take you home. Though, looking at you… Jaemin couldn’t fight the fond chuckle escaping him.

He knelt down at the bottom step, lifting his hand to gently sweep your hair back. His lips pursed as he took in the state of you, fingers tugging your t-shirt dress down your thighs from where it had risen in an attempt to shield your modesty. He squeezed your knee.

“____,” He called to you gently, a hand on your shoulder to lightly shake you awake. “____, c’mon. I’m taking you home.”

A groan left your closed lips, your body attempting to twist to the side as if you were casually rolling over in the comfort of your bed. Jaemin wouldn’t let you, firmly shaking your shoulder again. He sighed in relief when your eyes finally opened, squinting at the light.

“There she is.” He grinned, both hands moving to your cheeks to steady your lolling head.

Jaemin honestly couldn't help but grin in return for the drunk smile you gave him. It was like you were suddenly sprung with energy. “Jaemin!” You launched forward, both arms wrapping tight around his neck.

His hands had to settle on your back to stop you both from toppling over. Your roommate coaxed you to stand, brushing down the crumbs and dirt from your dress. Jaemin made you lean on the wall as he unzipped his hoodie and tied it around your waist.

“Okay, I need you to hold onto my neck… but not strangle me. You got that, ____?” He spoke slowly as if talking to a child because Jaemin had come to realize that’s exactly how drunk you were.

He left you on the second step, crouching down and patting his shoulder. It was embarrassing how many attempts it took to get you securely on Jaemin’s back but eventually, you succeeded in the climb.

The man carried you all the way across the campus and into the blocks of student housing like this. The whole way you were singing at the top of your lungs, Jaemin even joined in when you started singing Twice’s Fancy. He noted you got quieter at the end of your street and when your light snore hit his ear, he knew the reason why.

There was a struggle for him to unlock the front door with you still on Jaemin’s back. Trying not to let the three cats escape was an even bigger feat that Jaemin managed. He also managed to get you off his back, setting you down on your bed. Your shoelaces were already half undone in a loose tangle, Jaemin not having to work very hard to get your shoes and socks off your feet.

The brown-eyed man looked frantically around your room, spotting the cotton pads and micellar water on your desk. Gentle strokes of the cotton pad across your skin removed the smeared makeup on your face. Jaemin was amazed you didn’t wake up, especially when he got to your eyes.

His fingers lingered on your face, a sad smile gracing his lips. “I wish things were different, ____.” Jaemin shook his head with a sigh, dropping the used cotton pads into your trash can and setting them next to your bed.

With a glass of water and some Advil at your bedside, Jaemin gave into temptation and pressed a light, lingering kiss to the top of your head before tucking you in and parting from your bedroom.

“Acts of kindness?” Donghyuck echoed. “If I help her out at the library, does that count?”

“She works at the library?” Your mouth was covered by Donghyuck's palm.

“Don’t announce it to the whole coffee shop, ____!” He hissed, yanking his hand away and shaking it out when he felt something slimy brush across his palm. “Okay, ew.”

“Hm, that’d work, try something a little more meaningful though, Hyuck” Yangyang suggested as he stood, slinging his backpack over his shoulder. “I gotta go, botany class starts soon.”

The three of you echoed your goodbyes, turning back to the list on the table once your retreating friend was out of sight.

“So, your crush is one of the librarians?” Jaemin questioned, his face shriveling at his next thought. “Do not sit here and tell me that it’s Mrs. Choi...”

“Gross! No, she has warts on warts.” Hyuck shivered at the very thought of it. “She’s our age.”

Donghyuck could practically see the wheels turning in both of your brains as the two of you tried to work it out. He could also guess when yours and Jaemin’s thought waves seemed to of aligned. He found it slightly freaky how you seemed to have a full conversation with just a look.

“Oh, her.” You nodded your head in approval. “Good choice, Hyuck. She’s a friend of mine, really shy.” You hummed.

“You’re not gonna put in a good word for me, even if I ask… are you?” The man’s shoulders deflated as you shook your head.

“Alright then… What’s after the acts of kindness?”

STEP FOUR: COMPLIMENT TASTEFULLY

Jaemin remembers clearly the day he thought his heart jumped out of his throat and threw itself into the lake.

It was one of the rare occasions that he had invited you to hang out where his friends were - He wouldn’t admit but the only reason he did was that Jeno’s girlfriend was begging at his feet not to be the only girl. So, Jaemin invited you.

His eyes widened at the arctic sleeping bag you pulled from the trunk of your car. “Where did you get that?”

You gave a nonchalant shrug, “What do you think I used when I used to sleep in my car? Takeout wrappers?” His mouth snapped shut as you unzipped the door to your one-person tent, flinging the sleeping bag inside to deal with later. It was only when you had zipped your tent back up did you turn to him again. “Thanks for building the tent for me.” You beamed at him, your hand patting his shoulder in thanks.

“Thanks for driving all our stuff down here. I didn’t realize we had so much.” He glanced around at the half-set-up camp circle. “I should go and help Jisung-ie.”

The two of you went around separately, helping the group set things up, and come nightfall, the nine of you were crowded around the campfire. Jaemin wasn’t listening too much, the brunette was too preoccupied with the way your eyes shone in the moonlight and how the flame from the fire gave your skin a breath-taking glow. He nudged your side with his elbow subtly.

Jaemin was going to compliment you, he was going to tell you how beautiful you looked out there with nature but the words died on his tongue when you looked at him with your showstopping smile. All he could do was nudge the bag of marshmallows toward you.

There was a multitude of reasons why Jaemin couldn't tell you and reason number one was sat across from you both, staring at him with a pointed look across the dancing heat of the fire. Lee Jeno. Jaemin’s best friend nodded his head firmly in your direction, rolling his eyes when Jaemin just shook his head and broke eye contact.

The whole of the three days camping, Jaemin hadn’t had a minute alone with you. Not even on the drive back, with the other car full - Chenle had borrowed his mom’s six-seater - that left three people, including yourself, in your car. So, you, Jaemin, Renjun, and the luggage were in your little two-door car.

The both of you were relieved when you finally arrived home. As much as Renjun was the best company for a two-hour drive, all he did was complain about how little Donghyuck and Chenle helped pack away. It was nice to just have silence.

You had time for a shower and a nap and Jaemin had time to go through the plethora of photographs he took on the trip. He hadn’t realized he took so many, mostly of you. Jaemin stopped on one he took of you by the lake. You were posed beautifully, unaware of the camera pointed toward you. Your smile beaming, the way the sun encased you made you look almost ethereal. Your arm was lifted, eyes locked in fascination on a baby blue butterfly that landed on your index finger.

That was Jaemin’s favorite by far. He had no idea how long he had been staring at the image on his camera, nearly jumping out of his skin when your voice sounded close to his ear. You’d leaned over the back of the couch to take a look.

“Oh, I didn’t know you even took that.” You marveled.

“Hm, It’s one of my favorites.” He murmured quietly, glancing up to watch as you climbed over the back of the piece of furniture to sit next to him.

“The sun makes me look so cool!” You leaned further over, looking at the image in more detail.

Jaemin shook his head, handing the camera over to you. “Nah, You always look that pretty.” He’d said the sentence without thinking.

A light blush coated the apples of your cheeks. Jaemin hadn’t complimented you like this before, no matter how many times you’d longed to hear something like this from your roommate. Your heart was doing somersaults in your chest. You wondered for a moment if he meant it but when Jaemin didn’t comment any further on the matter you decided not to ask.

“Oh.” You had no idea what to say in response and Jaemin thought your newfound shyness at his compliment was well worth the slip-up.

From then on, Jaemin made sure to give you subtle compliments every so often. Taking personal satisfaction in the color of your cheeks and the shy smiles that would occur.

“And remember, Hyuck. No pickup lines.” Jaemin spoke slowly, hoping that it would get through his friend's head.

Donghyuck hummed in thought before eventually nodding in defeat. “No pickup lines. Not even one.”

Jaemin looked almost proud, giving his friend a light fist bump. “Go through the steps, I need to know you aren’t going to mess this up.”

Hyuck sighed, lifting the list to read out the steps so far. Both you and Jaemin sitting opposite him in anticipation. “Alright, Step one is befriending.” He thought a moment. “So, like, make a connection so we aren’t strangers?” He trailed off on a question, looking to your faces for confirmation.

If your grins were anything to go by, he was doing fine. “Step two is Get to Know.” He took a sip of his coffee, writing a few notes next to the bullet point. “Like, find out her hobbies, places she likes, TV shows, music, food, and maybe things about her family. That sort of thing.” He sounded confident enough with step two that you or Jaemin didn’t make a single comment.

Donghyuck cleared his throat, pausing on step three. “Gestures of kindness?” His confidence wavered. “Can’t we skip any steps?”

“No, No skipping, You got this, Hyuck. Think about it.” Jaemin was awed at the way you gently encouraged his friend. Jaemin and the rest of his friend group usually took the harsher approach, teasing him to no end.

“Alright,” Donghyuck looked visibly in thought for a moment. “Like offering her a ride home or… or staying behind to help her organize the shelves at the library?”

Jaemin hummed, nodding. “Yeah, if you can work out something more solid that would mean more to her then try that. Otherwise, I think that would work. Or bringing her lunch, If you know what she likes.”

“Got it,” Donghyuck scribbled down more notes. “Step four is Compliment Tastefully.” He looked back and forth between you two. “No pickup lines. But, natural?” He tilted his head at the question.

“Yep, Girls love to hear small compliments. About anything.” You offered, “How we’ve painted our nails? Our hair?” You listed off things for him to jot down on the paper, ending with; “Little and often.”

“Thanks, is that it?” Hyuck glanced down at his notepad again, a frown on his face. “None of this includes actually getting the title of boyfriend.”

“No, there are two more steps. The next thing is..”

STEP FIVE: INVITE OUT ( NOT A DATE )

Jaemin fought tooth and nail for these tickets. He had no idea how much they were going to cost nor how many people were biting to attend the event. He remembers when you scrolled through a TikTok of the exact same event but in Paris, beneath the Eiffel Tower.

The way your face lit up when you shoved the phone in his face, rambling about how cool it was. So, when Jaemin caught wind of there being an outdoor cinema on the hill hosted at your very own University campus over the break, he just had to get you there.

But, how would Jaemin get you there without you thinking that he went through so much trouble just to get you a ticket? He thought of telling you that he found them on the ground but that would be ridiculous. There was no way you’d believe that.

Jaemin thought about it the upcoming week of the event, until the day before. You’d entered the apartment, slamming the door behind you much harsher than Jaemin was used to. His head peeked up from over the back of the couch.

“____?” He was met with angry grumbling, and the thudding of your shoes being dropped onto the floor after taking them off. “You okay?”

“Why do people have to be the way that they are?” Your sudden question stunned him for a moment, Jaemin meekly shrugged.

“Good afternoon to you, as well.” He chuckled softly, rising from the couch and rounding the half wall to the kitchen. Already on autopilot to make you a drink.

“I tried to get tickets for Grease In The Park.” Jaemin froze with his hand mid-way in grabbing a glass from the shelf.

“Oh? Really? How did that go?” He cleared his throat to try and curb the nervous waver in his voice.

He glanced over into the living room, seeing you throw yourself onto the couch with a defeated frown on your face. “Someone said they were selling theirs, so I paid way more than I should have for them and they were fake!” You had every right to be pissed, you wasted money that you could be using for gas and next month's car insurance.

Jaemin visibly relaxed out of your eyeline, filling the glass with soda and walking back to set it on the coffee table in front of you. You peered up at his bright, toothy smile, your frown deepening when he laughed softly.

“I don’t see how this is funny, Jaemin.” You grumbled, your foot jutting out to hit the back of his knee. Jaemin only nudged your legs back to perch on the edge of the couch, fingers tugging open one of the drawers in the wooden coffee table.

He produced to you an envelope, raising an eyebrow as he waved it in front of you. “Just go with me.” He stated simply, “Jeno’s now going with his girlfriend. I got a spare ticket.”

He’d never seen you move so fast, snatching the envelope from his hands to peer inside. “Holy shit! You’re not joking? These are real?” You gasped, catching the holographic authenticity sticker on the tickets. “Jaemin, Oh my god!”

Jaemin let out a grunt as he was tackled by you, his back bracing his fall against the cushions. Jaemin stilled for only a moment until he relaxed, his arms winding around your back to gently pat along your spine. “Is that a yes?”

It was and the very next day you were flattening out a picnic blanket under a blossom tree on the hill. The perfect spot to get the best view. If anybody stood up, it wouldn't obstruct your view and it was perfect. You’d insisted that you and Jaemin pack a cooler of snacks and some sandwiches, and much to his surprise you’d packed a Two-ball Screwball each.

Jaemin honestly couldn’t recall the plot of the movie, you were amazed he had never seen Grease before. Even after watching it underneath the blossom tree in the greenery behind the University's main building, Jaemin couldn’t recite the storyline. All Jaemin could remember was watching you with stars in your eyes as you belted out the lyrics to nearly every song.

As the fading notes to You’re The One That I Want got quieter, you turned to him. Jaemin loved you like this, unapologetically you. Cheeks red from the excitement and singing, eyes wide and wondrous in the nature's air. And then you floored him, leaning over to press a meaningful kiss to his cheek.

His lips parted in surprise, his own giddy smile widening as you pulled back an inch to look at him. “Thanks, Jaemin.” You whispered between you. “This has been the best movie theatre experience ever.” and with that, you tugged the spare blanket around the both of you, naturally hugging into Jaemin’s side.

Jaemin complained before about the effort to get the tickets but in that moment he vowed that he would do it again ten times over just to relive this moment.

“You’ve got to make it sentimental. Somewhere she’s always wanted to go but don’t overdo it.” Jaemin pointed at Hyuck in a warning.

“Don’t overdo it? How much do you think this place pays me?” He snorted, gesturing to the coffee shop the three of them had been sitting in since Hyuck’s shift ended two hours ago.

“They’d probably pay you more if you did your job and stopped giving us free coffee.” You shrugged, poking at Donghyuck’s shoulder.

“I’m not even on shift right now!” Donghyuck protested, slapping his hand down on the table. “Do you really want me to start charging you for coffee?”

Jaemin’s lips tugged into a fond smile, letting his friends argue as he slid the paper and pen back toward himself to write the final two steps. He stared at it for a few moments, glancing up at you only once before nodding his head and flipping the paper face down.

Your playful stint with Donghyuck ended as Jaemin stood from his seat, slinging his backpack over his shoulder. “I’ve written the last two steps down.” He began, avoiding your eyes. “I got class in fifteen.”

Jaemin swiftly left you both sitting there, Hyuck already scrolling on his phone when you nudged him. “Aren’t you going to look at step six and seven?” You nudged the paper toward him.

“Eh, read ‘em to me.” Donghyuck shrugged, glancing up at you from his game.

You rolled your eyes, reaching over for the paper. You flipped it over, skimming over the last two steps. Your heart stilled, your body seizing in shock as your brain caught up.

“Oh my god, I’m an idiot.” You whispered, Donghyuck finally glancing over to you.

“I could have told you that, but why?” His head shoved into your eyeline to look at the paper.

‘STEP SIX: WAIT FOR HER TO NOTICE’

“So? Why are you an idiot?” He looked puzzled, eyeing your frozen form carefully.

“Look at this list,” You wave it almost frantically. “Jaemin has done every single one of these things for me.”

“Oh, Yeah. That’s cause he’s in love with you.” Your friend said casually, your head snapping in his direction.

“What?” You choked in disbelief, dropping the list to the table once more.

“I’m surprised you haven’t caught on yet,” Hyuck laughed, “Kinda tragic if you ask me, unrequited love and all.” He yelped when he received a smack to the forearm.

“It’s not unrequited!” It was almost comical how his eyes widened at your exclamation.

“Then go and find him, look at step seven.”

STEP SEVEN: CONFESS

You left the coffee shop in a clumsy mess, nearly headbutting the door on your way out. Honestly, you were beating yourself up over this. Just how long had you been tiptoeing around each other like this? How long had Jaemin been waiting for you to notice?

Of course, there were some intrusive thoughts shoved into the chaos of your mind. Like; What if you were overlooking this? What if Hyuck was lying? What if Jaemin had gotten bored of waiting for you and moved on already?

You skidded to a stop at your front door, suddenly remembering he wasn’t home. Jaemin was in class for at least two hours and you’d just run all the way back to the apartment to confess to him. However, with one whiff of your body, whilst taking your shoes off, you were glad he wasn’t home yet. It allowed you to shower, do your hair, and spritz some of your favorite perfume over yourself.

When Jaemin arrived home, he found you pacing the length of the living room. He wondered if you’d wear the carpet out at this rate. “Did Hyuck understand the last two points okay?” The question hung in the air as he straightened from removing his shoes.

Jaemin knew that this was make or break. You either caught on to his subliminal message or it went right over your head and he would have to revoke the entire list. Though, the look you gave him at that moment said you understood very well.

“How long?” Your voice was a mere whisper, fingers tangling amongst themselves as your feet came to a stop at the end of the couch.

Silence. Jaemin said nothing, his backpack falling from his shoulder to make a dull sound on the carpet. He rubbed the back of his neck nervously, Jaemin was having trouble reading your expression. He wasn’t sure if the tears that were overspilling your eyes were a good thing or not. His teeth bit into his cheek.

“Jaemin, how long?” You moved in closer, your voice was desperate.

“A… a while.” He mumbled. “Too long,” He shook his head, suddenly finding the stain on the carpet much more interesting than the tears that spelled the pain on your face.

You sniffled, closing the gap between you to gently cup his cheeks with your palms and lift his gaze back onto yours. Jaemin caved, leaning into your loving touch with eyes fluttering closed. Warm hands cupped over your own.

“Please,” You’d never heard such vulnerability in Jaemin’s voice. “Let me down gently, ____.”

Jaemin’s eyes opened slowly, already feeling the numbness of rejection seep into his bones. But, you just shook your head with a watery smile. It made him hurt more, his first thought wondering if you were intentionally going to make him suffer for this.

“Oh, Jaem, I don’t plan to let you down at all.” Your whispered words were like a wash of color in skies of grey.

Jaemin’s breath of relief relaxed his shoulders and he wasted no time in connecting your lips. His kiss was gentle, surprisingly so for how long he had been waiting for you. Your lips were soft and he could taste the remanence of the drink you’d had earlier. Your lips slotted over Jaemin’s like they were made to be there, like a missing puzzle piece. It felt right.

It was you who pulled away first, slowly opening your eyes to smile shyly at him. “I love you, Jaemin.”

“I love you, ____”

©acescavern, Please do not copy, repost, or translate my works. Reblogging is allowed.

incase you missed it!

OPERATION RIZZ - NA JAEMIN

Navi - M.list

Pairing: Na Jaemin x fem!reader (Ft. Yangyang, Haechan, Johnny, Jeno, and mentions of other nct members, nct dream are the friend group, the Jeno and his girlfriend mentioned are the same pairings from Quiet and Game over!)

Genre: Fluff, angst, humor, college au nct,

Synopsis: In an attempt to teach Donghyuck how to get a girlfriend, Jaemin helps him make a list only... that list seems awfully familiar.

wc: 7.8k ( my longest fic yet, I have perished.)

warnings: reference to the sexual activity that happened in Game Over between Jeno and his girlfriend, Mentions of smoking a joint at a frat party but no detailed usage and not by the two mc, Alcohol, Drunk reader, swearing, cringe pick up lines, reader, and Jaemin play the horror game 'the quarry' but no spoilers, timeline jumps a bit but I'm certain it's still understandable, mentions of harsh pranks being pulled by readers previous roommates, hints at previous roommates being bullies to the reader.

A/N: Hi, my lovelies. This fic was a wild ride, I'm telling you. I'm still not satisfied with the header but we move ig. This took me five-ish days I think, mainly cause I left it for at least three of those. I honestly hope you love this as much as I do. If I have missed any warnings please let me know! @sexygrass you asked me to tag you in the finished product! here you are,

Feel free to send me asks to talk about the fic, I love talking about fic characters.

Feedback and reblogs are appreciated!

It was a funny thing to watch Donghyuck fail miserably. It was even funnier to watch the brightly colored cocktail drip from the ends of his hair, soaking into his pristine white t-shirt. To Jaemin, it was the best entertainment in the world to watch his friend flirt terribly. There was a reason Jisung called him bitchless. Not to doom any potential girl Donghyuck could end up with, but the guy was just a walking beacon of cringe pickup lines.

Like tonight. Jaemin had watched from his spot perched on a barstool a few seats away as his friend confidently walked up to the bar. He’d internally winced as Donghyuck had added his own drink to the girl’s tab and he’d tried so hard to still his facial features when the said drink was promptly tipped over his head following the line he gave. “You owe me a drink, I dropped mine when I looked at you.”

It was safe to say that the man crashed, burned, and disintegrated. Jaemin couldn’t hold his laughter for long, barely able to set his drink down on the bar without spilling it before the howls of laughter racked through his body. He felt a hand slap down on his shoulder, the sounds of Yangyang’s own hysterical laughter hitting his ears.

“It’s not funny! Look at my shirt!” Donghyuck growled in annoyance, fingers plucking the wet material away from his skin. “I’m going to clean up...”

The man moved to brush past his two friends, Yangyang stilling his laughter long enough to reach out and grasp his sleeve. “I wouldn’t, Restrooms occupied.” He straightened from his hunched-over position, his voice strained from holding in further laughter. “Think Jeno’s trying to one-up over Jaehyun, dragged his girl in there and locked the door about twenty minutes or so ago.”

“For fuck sake!” He whined, foot kicking at a leg of Jaemin’s bar stool.

Jaemin stood, finally able to keep his laughter at bay. “What did you expect? He literally dragged us here in a fit of jealous rage.” He scoffed light-heartedly, slinging an arm over Donghyuck’s shoulder. “Come on, let’s just go home - Yang, you crashing at Hyuck’s too?” Jaemin craned his neck to catch his fellow 00’ liner’s answer.

Yangyang shrugged in acceptance of the offer, slinging his own arm over Hyuck’s other shoulder.

“So,” Hyuck began, pausing to slurp some of his McDonald’s strawberry milkshake through the disintegrating paper straw. “You’re telling me that my lines don’t work at all?”

Yangyang and Jaemin gave a pointed look to each other, almost as if trying to decide who should be the bearer of bad news. Jaemin gave a slight sigh, his mouth poised ready to talk but his brain still trying to come up with an answer.

“It’s just … You’ve got no rizz” He let the statement hang in the air, chewing into his cheek as Donghyuck blanched at the blunt statement.

“And you have?” He jeered in defense, chuckling in amusement.

“Dude, he’s the rizzler.” Yangyang piped in, the amused grin on his face broadening. “Jaemin’s got effortless rizz and he doesn’t even try.”

Jaemin was startled when his friend threw himself over his lap with a drawn-out dramatic cry. “Then help me!” He pleaded, loosely gripping Jaemin’s collar to shake him.

“Christ! Okay, Okay!” He gave in pretty quickly, shoving Donghyuck off of him with a little effort.

Jaemin shook his head at Hyuck’s antics, Yangyang laughing along with him. No words were spoken for a few moments until the latter made an announcement.

“Let Operation Rizz commence.”

Over the course of the next ten minutes, the two made Donghyuck write down his own step-by-step guide how to get a date.

Jaemin plucked the notepad from his friends' fingers, reading through them with a grimace of distaste.

"Step one is wink?" He read off in disbelief, nearly choking on air when he read step two. "Flirt with her best friend. Are you insane?"

He snatched the pen from Hyuck, ripping the list out of the book and scrunching it Into a ball.”We’ll rewrite it.”

"That's what the Buzzfeed article said to do!" That comment alone earned him a paper ball to the head.

"You need to practice and observe." Yangyang was right, it would be handy to have an actual female to be a 'test subject' as it were.

"But who? The only girls Hyuck know hate him and the only girl I kno–" Jaemin's words stopped dead as he caught onto what his friend was hinting at. "Absolutely not. ____, would never agree to this."

At least Jaemin hoped his roommate would be repulsed enough by the idea to call him crazy and move on.

The thing is, Jaemin had been a little selfish when it came to you. He had very rarely invited you to hang with any of his friends, not that he had to — you were purely roommates who had the same computer science class. That was how you met him. Jaemin had rocked up to class, late and unbothered. It was you who caught onto his small tales of anxiety when he struggled to catch up, wordlessly sliding your notes on the previous few slides onto his desk.

STEP ONE: BEFRIEND

After the lesson had ended and various students began to pile out of the door, you slowly started to pack up your things. A throat being cleared gained your attention, Jaemin looking at you sheepishly, a hand rubbing the back of his neck.

"Thanks for that." A smile of chagrin directed toward you. “I thought I could catch up but Mr. Kim just goes so fast.”

You chuckled, pinching your notes from the table to put them in your bag, zipping it up, and turning toward your classmate. “Next time, don’t be late.” Jaemin was drawn to the way your eyes crinkled at the corners when you granted him a grin. “It’s my turn to be late next class.”

True to your word, at 8:45 am the following Thursday, you snuck into the back of the class. You looked disheveled and half-dead to your fellow classmates. You didn’t want the unwanted attention that was sure to be drawn to you if you scrambled down to a vacant seat at the front, instead, you slipped into the closest empty seat on the back row.

You tried to make as minimal noise as possible when taking your things out of your backpack and you were so preoccupied with the action that you almost jumped when a few sheets of paper were slipped wordlessly onto your desk from the seat next to you.

The two of you fell into an unspoken routine this way. Jaemin would take notes for you to copy if you were late and vice versa, an unspoken rule being you took turns being late. For you, this wasn’t a problem. You were rarely late, something Jaemin noticed when he was hurriedly yanking on his jeans in an attempt to leave on time. He had secretly cursed you at that moment. Jaemin couldn’t be late, it wasn’t his turn and the rule was unspoken.

The next time you were late, you were very late. Jaemin had honestly thought you weren’t coming, his eyeline drifted to the door on multiple occasions. An odd feeling of disappointment settled in his chest. You had become the highlight of his day, Jaemin found himself looking forward to his computer science classes for once.

When you did finally turn up and slip into the seat next to him, he noticed you didn’t even make a move to remove your things from your backpack. You just stared straight ahead, hair drenched from the horrible weather outside and unshed tears pooling at your waterline.

One look at you and Jaemin’s teasing expression faded. He set his pen down, angling his body toward your seat. “Are you okay?” Jaemin almost slapped himself, it was obvious you weren’t.

You raised the damp sleeve of your sweater to wipe at your face, “Sorry I’m late, Jaemin.” Your voice was raw and croaky, he was sure you were going to get sick. “I slept in my car.”

The male blanched, eyebrows shooting to his hairline. Jaemin was sensitive enough to keep his voice low and careful, trying to coax the answers to his many questions from you. “Why, What happened?”

You sniffled quietly, fighting the urge to curl into yourself and hide. “My housemates locked me out again.” Jaemin’s expression softened, his hand reaching over to tuck your wet hair behind your ear. “Then my car broke down on the way to campus.”

Jaemin had heard about how your housemates were. You’d ranted to him in many lessons about what they were like. The only reason you were all housed together was through the private landlord student accommodation scheme set up for students who didn’t want the dormitory life.

He knew full well that it was a popular-eat-nerd food chain out there and he was grateful his grandma paid his rent for him - Always grandma’s favorite boy. It only took a few more of those incidents for Jaemin to offer his precious games room. He proposed a very convincing argument.

“Look, It’s a steal!” He exclaimed, “No rent and we just split the rest of the utilities and grocery costs, your own room, closer to campus, and me!” Jaemin flashed you his pearly whites at his winning argument.

“I can’t just take up your space like that, Jaemin.” You sighed, as much of an amazing offer it was… You didn’t want it out of pity.

“We’ll probably barely see each other! We can split the chores and work something out.”

It was safe to say you ended up caving into the offer. Any college student would snatch up the deal of accommodation with no rental costs.

Jaemin sat open-mouthed as you bobbed your head in agreement with the idea. “Hm, Yang’s right. I’m the only girl you know that won’t get violent when Hyuck acts like a douche.” You sat back in your chair, swiping Jaemin’s iced coffee from the table and taking a sip through the straw.

“I’m sorry, what?” He spluttered, “Hyuck gets attached, clingy. What if he likes you?” Jaemin’s worries were irrelevant to everyone else but him.

Jaemin didn’t like the idea of Donghyuck catching feelings but he supposed he may be acting on possessive instinct. He shook his head, avoiding the look Yangyang was giving him. It was like the guy was trying to analyze his expressions and read his mind. He felt momentarily exposed.

“Speak of the devil and he shall appear,” You snickered, “Donghyuck, sit.”

Hyuck brushed off his barista apron, shoving his order pad into one of the large pockets in the front as he sat at the vacant chair at the table. You sat up from your slouched position in your chair, sliding Jaemin’s coffee back over to him - the cup being halfway empty by now.

“Show me what you got.” You tapped the table with your hand.

You, Jaemin, and Yangyang watched as Hyuck ran a hand through his hair, his left eye dropping into a wink that could only be described as cringe when he leaned forward toward you. “Are you a transformer?” He paused a moment, long enough to give an over-exaggerated lip bite, his flirty gaze running up and down your torso. “ ‘Cause you’re Optimus fin-” His confidence was harshly broken as you mocked the sound of a loud buzzer.

“Pickup lines don’t work anymore, Dude.” You crossed your arms over your chest. “That was- …. I don’t actually have words for how bad that truly was.” Donghyuck’s face fell.

“Technically, we’re skipping step one because you already kind of know ____. So, step one is ‘befriend’. If she was a stranger you’d have just failed miserably.” Jaemin said to his friend, lifting his coffee to inspect the cup of the missing liquid.

“Alright, What’s step two?” Hyuck shrugged, looking expectantly at his friends.

STEP TWO: GET TO KNOW

Back when you had first moved in with Jaemin, the two of you were more than awkward. It felt odd for each of you to see each other in your most vulnerable states. At home. In class things were different, that was a side of you that prepared to go out and face the day, a social mask slipping in place.

It took just one instance to get over the hurdle of timidness between you both. One Saturday, Jaemin had just gotten back with the groceries, the list crumpled in one of the bags he was hefting. You were leaning against the breakfast bar in the kitchen, a mug of coffee - specifically a Chocolate Mocha from a sachet - cupped in your hands.

Once all of the bags were strewn over the kitchen counter and the floor surrounding the fridge, you set your mug in the sink and began helping.

“Oh, no way!” You gasped, holding up the box of frozen desserts. “Two-ball-screwballs?” Jaemin looked up from shoving frozen food into the freezer drawers, a surprised smile on his face.

“Yeah! My mom used to get them for me every Friday after school.” He shut the drawer he was working on.

“I thought they were discontinued!” You gushed, tearing open the box and removing the cone-shaped cup. “I love these.”

Jaemin’s shoulders perked, his eyes brightening. “You’re kidding! My friends think they’re low tier.” He took the box from you, removing one of the plastic cones for himself and putting the rest into the freezer to save them from melting.

“Low tier? Your friends are low tier.” You scoffed jokingly, peeling off the top.

Jaemin rose to his feet, accepting the teaspoon you offered to him. “I’ll pay you ten to say that to Chenle’s face.” He chuckled, diving his spoon into the red cherry slush.

“What other gems are you hiding?” You questioned, spoon hanging from your mouth as you began to finish off the groceries with your free hand.

“Depends, do you like video games?” Jaemin lifted himself to perch on the breakfast bar.

“I like watching people play them,” You cast a glance back at your roommate. “I don’t have the hand-eye coordination for them.”

Jaemin hummed in thought, his gaze locked onto the dessert in his hand. “If I set up in the living room, do you wanna, maybe, watch me play?” He offered, discreetly peering up at you without lifting his head.

He watched you ponder over the idea a moment before nodding, “Sure.”

That night, you and Jaemin settled onto the couch with the controller firmly in his hand. You stared at the opening game screen ‘The Quarry’ glitching back at you. Jaemin had promised you that this wasn’t so much of a fast-paced game and more of a multiple choice.

“It’s a horror game-” He caught the look of unease on your face. “But it’s not that bad! It’s like a movie but you choose what happens and each option you choose alters the game path. It’s really cool!” The look on his face, as he describes one of his favorite games, will forever be your favorite expression on him.

His eyes light with excitement, and the controller drops to his lap as he uses elaborate hand gestures to explain the concept to you. There’s a feeling deep down that you want him to look like that whilst talking about you. But, that’s stupid, right? You’d only known him a few months at that point.

“Can you turn the subtitles on? I can’t hear a thing without them.” You nudged him with your elbow, prompting Jaemin to stare at you in amusement.

“If I wanted to read a book, I would.” He quipped, still navigating the settings to turn them on for you regardless.

You were only on the first chapter of the game and somehow you’d ended up scrunched up into Jaemin’s side, all awkwardness from before long gone. “No no! Don’t go down there, That’s just stupid!” You shouted, peeking up from his shoulder.

“____,” Jaemin laughed, “We have to, it’s the gameplay. We gotta follow Max into the cellar.” A hand left his controller to pat the top of your head.

You were both late for class the next day.

“Get to know them? How long will this take?” Donghyuck complained, a pout playing at his lips.

He wasn’t a patient man and quite honestly, this was taking longer than he had thought. You cast him a sharp look. “Hyuck, you said you wanted a girlfriend. A lot of work goes into the buildup.”

“Can’t you just date me and then I don’t have to get to know anyone?” He huffed, letting his forehead drop to the table.

His question earned him two abrupt shouts of “No!” Both Yangyang and you exchanged slightly shocked looks at how quickly Jaemin said it along with you.

“Ugh! Fine, so, I get to know them.” Donghyuck lifted his head. “Do I have to ask questions?”

A mumbled ‘He’s hopeless’ under your breath had you receiving two kicks under the table as Jaemin responded to the question. “Yeah, Ask about her hobbies, and family, know the basics, and find a niche to get into deeper conversation.”

“Noted. So, find things in common, then?” Hyuck voiced the question with slight uncertainty.

You grinned, tapping his arm to reward him. “Yeah, exactly!” You studied him a moment, face scrunched in thought. “Say… Hyuck, is there someone in specific you’ve got your eye on?” You questioned.

Hyuck laughed nervously, the three sets of eyes staring at him intently making him slightly nervous. See, Donghyuck always had an obvious tell when he was hiding something. First, eye contact became nonexistent. Then, he would over-blink, his friends joked that he’d take off if he blinked too fast. Lastly, the incoherent defense. Hyuck was doing all of those things.

“Do we need to teach you to lie as well?” Yangyang teased, jabbing his friend in the side.

“Speak for yourself, I don’t lie.” You spoke, pretending to inspect your nails until Jaemin’s snort of laughter cut across the table to you.

“Yeah, right. ____, who ate the last two-ball screwball?” He quipped, an eyebrow raised in challenge at you.

“Uhm, Luna.” It wasn’t Jaemin’s cat.

STEP THREE: GESTURES OF KINDNESS

It was rare for you to go out with your friends. It was rare for you to get drunk, too. You had declined an invitation to the neo-frat party for months, much to the disappointment of your friend. It was after four months of living with Jaemin that you found out he was going, only then did you finally accept the next invitation you received.

You’d spent all afternoon following your friends around the shopping plaza to find the right outfit. Your outfit was at your friends' house, you didn’t see the need to overdress for drinking in a stuffy frat house full of sweaty college kids.

The first glimpse of you Jaemin had caught that day was an hour into the party, the frat house in full swing. He’d been roped in to help set up, his friend Mark being a part of it and Hyuck being heavily involved. Jaemin had been looking for you all night and when he finally caught you, you were talking to Johnny.

Jaemin felt unsettled, though he had no choice who you spoke to. He kept glancing at you, hand gripping the solo cup tighter in his hand the more you laughed at Johnny’s jokes. You’d been drinking, that much was clear. Your cheeks a rosy red and your eyes slightly glazed with intoxication, Jaemin had caught onto how you swayed subtly on the spot, your hand gestures over-exaggerated, and your giggles that seemed to happen at everything Johnny said.

Jaemin’s gaze tore away from you when a hand waved in front of his face, his mind catching up with reality when he saw his best friend. “Jeno, sorry, didn’t hear you.”

Jeno gave his friend a knowing look, shaking his head. “You were staring, if you like her then tell her.” He shrugged, lifting his beer bottle to his lips to take a swig.

Jaemin frowned, his eyeline drawn to you once more as he shook his head. “It’s a bad idea, we live together.” As much as he hated to admit it, Jaemin wondered if inviting you to live with him was a mistake for this reason. “It’d be awkward if it didn’t work out, Jen.”

It’d taken Jaemin only one month of living with you to come to the conclusion that he was slowly becoming head over heels infatuated with you. He wasn’t entirely sure if it was love yet, but Jaemin knew you made him feel things that were an entirely new experience.

“If you’re so headstrong on it, make me a bet.” Jaemin’s attention was stolen away from you once more, his eyebrows scrunched in an expression that told Jeno that he wasn’t really listening at all. “If you end up dating by… let's say, the end of the academic year, then you have to get a tattoo.”

Jaemin gulped slightly, he wasn’t a fan of needles. But he was so sure he would be able to resist you. “Fine, if we don’t, you’ve got to get one. In a place of my choosing.” Jaemin mastered a grin, shaking Jeno’s hand to seal the deal.

When Jaemin turned back around, you or Johnny were nowhere to be seen. His mind’s implication of what it meant had his heart dropping into his stomach. He bitterly shook his head, downing the rest of the ‘special punch’ in his cup.

Jaemin went on with the party, utterly miserable at the thought of you holed up in one of the various upstairs bedrooms with Johnny. Of all people. You had to choose the biggest player out there. It was almost like Jaemin was walking around with his own cloud of self-loathing thundering over his head.

He’d thrown himself onto one of the lawn chairs that surrounded the outdoor pool, running a hand over his face. However, he soon froze when he spotted Johnny. The frat member was with Jaehyun and the frat leader, Taeyong. Jaemin noticed the absence of you immediately and it had him springing up from his seat with a slight stumble. Jaemin wasn’t drunk, he was just bordering the line between tipsy and lightly mellow.

Jaemin tapped urgently on Johnny’s shoulder, the older male turning to him with a doped-up smile. Johnny removed the joint from his mouth, offering it out to Jaemin with a hazed blink. “Where’s ____?” Was his immediate response.

Confusion clouded the elder's face for a moment before he laughed loudly. “Man, she’s wasted!” Jaemin gritted his teeth as a bout of smoke wafted in front of his face.

“Yeah, good to know.” He rushed out in exasperation. “Where?” Johnny’s smile dropped as he shrugged.

“Last I knew, she was asleep on the stairs.” Jaemin didn’t wait for any further explanation, bolting it back inside the house and to the sweeping staircase near the front door.

Sure enough, that’s where he found you. Your lips set into an adorable pout from where your head had hung in your slumber. Jaemin was certain that your neck would hurt in the morning if he didn’t take you home. Though, looking at you… Jaemin couldn’t fight the fond chuckle escaping him.

He knelt down at the bottom step, lifting his hand to gently sweep your hair back. His lips pursed as he took in the state of you, fingers tugging your t-shirt dress down your thighs from where it had risen in an attempt to shield your modesty. He squeezed your knee.

“____,” He called to you gently, a hand on your shoulder to lightly shake you awake. “____, c’mon. I’m taking you home.”

A groan left your closed lips, your body attempting to twist to the side as if you were casually rolling over in the comfort of your bed. Jaemin wouldn’t let you, firmly shaking your shoulder again. He sighed in relief when your eyes finally opened, squinting at the light.

“There she is.” He grinned, both hands moving to your cheeks to steady your lolling head.

Jaemin honestly couldn't help but grin in return for the drunk smile you gave him. It was like you were suddenly sprung with energy. “Jaemin!” You launched forward, both arms wrapping tight around his neck.

His hands had to settle on your back to stop you both from toppling over. Your roommate coaxed you to stand, brushing down the crumbs and dirt from your dress. Jaemin made you lean on the wall as he unzipped his hoodie and tied it around your waist.

“Okay, I need you to hold onto my neck… but not strangle me. You got that, ____?” He spoke slowly as if talking to a child because Jaemin had come to realize that’s exactly how drunk you were.

He left you on the second step, crouching down and patting his shoulder. It was embarrassing how many attempts it took to get you securely on Jaemin’s back but eventually, you succeeded in the climb.

The man carried you all the way across the campus and into the blocks of student housing like this. The whole way you were singing at the top of your lungs, Jaemin even joined in when you started singing Twice’s Fancy. He noted you got quieter at the end of your street and when your light snore hit his ear, he knew the reason why.

There was a struggle for him to unlock the front door with you still on Jaemin’s back. Trying not to let the three cats escape was an even bigger feat that Jaemin managed. He also managed to get you off his back, setting you down on your bed. Your shoelaces were already half undone in a loose tangle, Jaemin not having to work very hard to get your shoes and socks off your feet.

The brown-eyed man looked frantically around your room, spotting the cotton pads and micellar water on your desk. Gentle strokes of the cotton pad across your skin removed the smeared makeup on your face. Jaemin was amazed you didn’t wake up, especially when he got to your eyes.

His fingers lingered on your face, a sad smile gracing his lips. “I wish things were different, ____.” Jaemin shook his head with a sigh, dropping the used cotton pads into your trash can and setting them next to your bed.

With a glass of water and some Advil at your bedside, Jaemin gave into temptation and pressed a light, lingering kiss to the top of your head before tucking you in and parting from your bedroom.

“Acts of kindness?” Donghyuck echoed. “If I help her out at the library, does that count?”

“She works at the library?” Your mouth was covered by Donghyuck's palm.

“Don’t announce it to the whole coffee shop, ____!” He hissed, yanking his hand away and shaking it out when he felt something slimy brush across his palm. “Okay, ew.”

“Hm, that’d work, try something a little more meaningful though, Hyuck” Yangyang suggested as he stood, slinging his backpack over his shoulder. “I gotta go, botany class starts soon.”

The three of you echoed your goodbyes, turning back to the list on the table once your retreating friend was out of sight.

“So, your crush is one of the librarians?” Jaemin questioned, his face shriveling at his next thought. “Do not sit here and tell me that it’s Mrs. Choi...”

“Gross! No, she has warts on warts.” Hyuck shivered at the very thought of it. “She’s our age.”

Donghyuck could practically see the wheels turning in both of your brains as the two of you tried to work it out. He could also guess when yours and Jaemin’s thought waves seemed to of aligned. He found it slightly freaky how you seemed to have a full conversation with just a look.

“Oh, her.” You nodded your head in approval. “Good choice, Hyuck. She’s a friend of mine, really shy.” You hummed.

“You’re not gonna put in a good word for me, even if I ask… are you?” The man’s shoulders deflated as you shook your head.

“Alright then… What’s after the acts of kindness?”

STEP FOUR: COMPLIMENT TASTEFULLY

Jaemin remembers clearly the day he thought his heart jumped out of his throat and threw itself into the lake.

It was one of the rare occasions that he had invited you to hang out where his friends were - He wouldn’t admit but the only reason he did was that Jeno’s girlfriend was begging at his feet not to be the only girl. So, Jaemin invited you.

His eyes widened at the arctic sleeping bag you pulled from the trunk of your car. “Where did you get that?”

You gave a nonchalant shrug, “What do you think I used when I used to sleep in my car? Takeout wrappers?” His mouth snapped shut as you unzipped the door to your one-person tent, flinging the sleeping bag inside to deal with later. It was only when you had zipped your tent back up did you turn to him again. “Thanks for building the tent for me.” You beamed at him, your hand patting his shoulder in thanks.

“Thanks for driving all our stuff down here. I didn’t realize we had so much.” He glanced around at the half-set-up camp circle. “I should go and help Jisung-ie.”

The two of you went around separately, helping the group set things up, and come nightfall, the nine of you were crowded around the campfire. Jaemin wasn’t listening too much, the brunette was too preoccupied with the way your eyes shone in the moonlight and how the flame from the fire gave your skin a breath-taking glow. He nudged your side with his elbow subtly.

Jaemin was going to compliment you, he was going to tell you how beautiful you looked out there with nature but the words died on his tongue when you looked at him with your showstopping smile. All he could do was nudge the bag of marshmallows toward you.

There was a multitude of reasons why Jaemin couldn't tell you and reason number one was sat across from you both, staring at him with a pointed look across the dancing heat of the fire. Lee Jeno. Jaemin’s best friend nodded his head firmly in your direction, rolling his eyes when Jaemin just shook his head and broke eye contact.

The whole of the three days camping, Jaemin hadn’t had a minute alone with you. Not even on the drive back, with the other car full - Chenle had borrowed his mom’s six-seater - that left three people, including yourself, in your car. So, you, Jaemin, Renjun, and the luggage were in your little two-door car.

The both of you were relieved when you finally arrived home. As much as Renjun was the best company for a two-hour drive, all he did was complain about how little Donghyuck and Chenle helped pack away. It was nice to just have silence.

You had time for a shower and a nap and Jaemin had time to go through the plethora of photographs he took on the trip. He hadn’t realized he took so many, mostly of you. Jaemin stopped on one he took of you by the lake. You were posed beautifully, unaware of the camera pointed toward you. Your smile beaming, the way the sun encased you made you look almost ethereal. Your arm was lifted, eyes locked in fascination on a baby blue butterfly that landed on your index finger.

That was Jaemin’s favorite by far. He had no idea how long he had been staring at the image on his camera, nearly jumping out of his skin when your voice sounded close to his ear. You’d leaned over the back of the couch to take a look.

“Oh, I didn’t know you even took that.” You marveled.

“Hm, It’s one of my favorites.” He murmured quietly, glancing up to watch as you climbed over the back of the piece of furniture to sit next to him.

“The sun makes me look so cool!” You leaned further over, looking at the image in more detail.

Jaemin shook his head, handing the camera over to you. “Nah, You always look that pretty.” He’d said the sentence without thinking.

A light blush coated the apples of your cheeks. Jaemin hadn’t complimented you like this before, no matter how many times you’d longed to hear something like this from your roommate. Your heart was doing somersaults in your chest. You wondered for a moment if he meant it but when Jaemin didn’t comment any further on the matter you decided not to ask.

“Oh.” You had no idea what to say in response and Jaemin thought your newfound shyness at his compliment was well worth the slip-up.

From then on, Jaemin made sure to give you subtle compliments every so often. Taking personal satisfaction in the color of your cheeks and the shy smiles that would occur.

“And remember, Hyuck. No pickup lines.” Jaemin spoke slowly, hoping that it would get through his friend's head.

Donghyuck hummed in thought before eventually nodding in defeat. “No pickup lines. Not even one.”

Jaemin looked almost proud, giving his friend a light fist bump. “Go through the steps, I need to know you aren’t going to mess this up.”

Hyuck sighed, lifting the list to read out the steps so far. Both you and Jaemin sitting opposite him in anticipation. “Alright, Step one is befriending.” He thought a moment. “So, like, make a connection so we aren’t strangers?” He trailed off on a question, looking to your faces for confirmation.

If your grins were anything to go by, he was doing fine. “Step two is Get to Know.” He took a sip of his coffee, writing a few notes next to the bullet point. “Like, find out her hobbies, places she likes, TV shows, music, food, and maybe things about her family. That sort of thing.” He sounded confident enough with step two that you or Jaemin didn’t make a single comment.

Donghyuck cleared his throat, pausing on step three. “Gestures of kindness?” His confidence wavered. “Can’t we skip any steps?”

“No, No skipping, You got this, Hyuck. Think about it.” Jaemin was awed at the way you gently encouraged his friend. Jaemin and the rest of his friend group usually took the harsher approach, teasing him to no end.

“Alright,” Donghyuck looked visibly in thought for a moment. “Like offering her a ride home or… or staying behind to help her organize the shelves at the library?”

Jaemin hummed, nodding. “Yeah, if you can work out something more solid that would mean more to her then try that. Otherwise, I think that would work. Or bringing her lunch, If you know what she likes.”

“Got it,” Donghyuck scribbled down more notes. “Step four is Compliment Tastefully.” He looked back and forth between you two. “No pickup lines. But, natural?” He tilted his head at the question.

“Yep, Girls love to hear small compliments. About anything.” You offered, “How we’ve painted our nails? Our hair?” You listed off things for him to jot down on the paper, ending with; “Little and often.”

“Thanks, is that it?” Hyuck glanced down at his notepad again, a frown on his face. “None of this includes actually getting the title of boyfriend.”

“No, there are two more steps. The next thing is..”

STEP FIVE: INVITE OUT ( NOT A DATE )

Jaemin fought tooth and nail for these tickets. He had no idea how much they were going to cost nor how many people were biting to attend the event. He remembers when you scrolled through a TikTok of the exact same event but in Paris, beneath the Eiffel Tower.

The way your face lit up when you shoved the phone in his face, rambling about how cool it was. So, when Jaemin caught wind of there being an outdoor cinema on the hill hosted at your very own University campus over the break, he just had to get you there.

But, how would Jaemin get you there without you thinking that he went through so much trouble just to get you a ticket? He thought of telling you that he found them on the ground but that would be ridiculous. There was no way you’d believe that.

Jaemin thought about it the upcoming week of the event, until the day before. You’d entered the apartment, slamming the door behind you much harsher than Jaemin was used to. His head peeked up from over the back of the couch.

“____?” He was met with angry grumbling, and the thudding of your shoes being dropped onto the floor after taking them off. “You okay?”

“Why do people have to be the way that they are?” Your sudden question stunned him for a moment, Jaemin meekly shrugged.

“Good afternoon to you, as well.” He chuckled softly, rising from the couch and rounding the half wall to the kitchen. Already on autopilot to make you a drink.

“I tried to get tickets for Grease In The Park.” Jaemin froze with his hand mid-way in grabbing a glass from the shelf.

“Oh? Really? How did that go?” He cleared his throat to try and curb the nervous waver in his voice.

He glanced over into the living room, seeing you throw yourself onto the couch with a defeated frown on your face. “Someone said they were selling theirs, so I paid way more than I should have for them and they were fake!” You had every right to be pissed, you wasted money that you could be using for gas and next month's car insurance.

Jaemin visibly relaxed out of your eyeline, filling the glass with soda and walking back to set it on the coffee table in front of you. You peered up at his bright, toothy smile, your frown deepening when he laughed softly.

“I don’t see how this is funny, Jaemin.” You grumbled, your foot jutting out to hit the back of his knee. Jaemin only nudged your legs back to perch on the edge of the couch, fingers tugging open one of the drawers in the wooden coffee table.

He produced to you an envelope, raising an eyebrow as he waved it in front of you. “Just go with me.” He stated simply, “Jeno’s now going with his girlfriend. I got a spare ticket.”

He’d never seen you move so fast, snatching the envelope from his hands to peer inside. “Holy shit! You’re not joking? These are real?” You gasped, catching the holographic authenticity sticker on the tickets. “Jaemin, Oh my god!”

Jaemin let out a grunt as he was tackled by you, his back bracing his fall against the cushions. Jaemin stilled for only a moment until he relaxed, his arms winding around your back to gently pat along your spine. “Is that a yes?”

It was and the very next day you were flattening out a picnic blanket under a blossom tree on the hill. The perfect spot to get the best view. If anybody stood up, it wouldn't obstruct your view and it was perfect. You’d insisted that you and Jaemin pack a cooler of snacks and some sandwiches, and much to his surprise you’d packed a Two-ball Screwball each.

Jaemin honestly couldn’t recall the plot of the movie, you were amazed he had never seen Grease before. Even after watching it underneath the blossom tree in the greenery behind the University's main building, Jaemin couldn’t recite the storyline. All Jaemin could remember was watching you with stars in your eyes as you belted out the lyrics to nearly every song.

As the fading notes to You’re The One That I Want got quieter, you turned to him. Jaemin loved you like this, unapologetically you. Cheeks red from the excitement and singing, eyes wide and wondrous in the nature's air. And then you floored him, leaning over to press a meaningful kiss to his cheek.

His lips parted in surprise, his own giddy smile widening as you pulled back an inch to look at him. “Thanks, Jaemin.” You whispered between you. “This has been the best movie theatre experience ever.” and with that, you tugged the spare blanket around the both of you, naturally hugging into Jaemin’s side.

Jaemin complained before about the effort to get the tickets but in that moment he vowed that he would do it again ten times over just to relive this moment.

“You’ve got to make it sentimental. Somewhere she’s always wanted to go but don’t overdo it.” Jaemin pointed at Hyuck in a warning.

“Don’t overdo it? How much do you think this place pays me?” He snorted, gesturing to the coffee shop the three of them had been sitting in since Hyuck’s shift ended two hours ago.

“They’d probably pay you more if you did your job and stopped giving us free coffee.” You shrugged, poking at Donghyuck’s shoulder.

“I’m not even on shift right now!” Donghyuck protested, slapping his hand down on the table. “Do you really want me to start charging you for coffee?”

Jaemin’s lips tugged into a fond smile, letting his friends argue as he slid the paper and pen back toward himself to write the final two steps. He stared at it for a few moments, glancing up at you only once before nodding his head and flipping the paper face down.

Your playful stint with Donghyuck ended as Jaemin stood from his seat, slinging his backpack over his shoulder. “I’ve written the last two steps down.” He began, avoiding your eyes. “I got class in fifteen.”

Jaemin swiftly left you both sitting there, Hyuck already scrolling on his phone when you nudged him. “Aren’t you going to look at step six and seven?” You nudged the paper toward him.

“Eh, read ‘em to me.” Donghyuck shrugged, glancing up at you from his game.

You rolled your eyes, reaching over for the paper. You flipped it over, skimming over the last two steps. Your heart stilled, your body seizing in shock as your brain caught up.

“Oh my god, I’m an idiot.” You whispered, Donghyuck finally glancing over to you.

“I could have told you that, but why?” His head shoved into your eyeline to look at the paper.

‘STEP SIX: WAIT FOR HER TO NOTICE’

“So? Why are you an idiot?” He looked puzzled, eyeing your frozen form carefully.

“Look at this list,” You wave it almost frantically. “Jaemin has done every single one of these things for me.”

“Oh, Yeah. That’s cause he’s in love with you.” Your friend said casually, your head snapping in his direction.

“What?” You choked in disbelief, dropping the list to the table once more.

“I’m surprised you haven’t caught on yet,” Hyuck laughed, “Kinda tragic if you ask me, unrequited love and all.” He yelped when he received a smack to the forearm.

“It’s not unrequited!” It was almost comical how his eyes widened at your exclamation.

“Then go and find him, look at step seven.”

STEP SEVEN: CONFESS

You left the coffee shop in a clumsy mess, nearly headbutting the door on your way out. Honestly, you were beating yourself up over this. Just how long had you been tiptoeing around each other like this? How long had Jaemin been waiting for you to notice?

Of course, there were some intrusive thoughts shoved into the chaos of your mind. Like; What if you were overlooking this? What if Hyuck was lying? What if Jaemin had gotten bored of waiting for you and moved on already?

You skidded to a stop at your front door, suddenly remembering he wasn’t home. Jaemin was in class for at least two hours and you’d just run all the way back to the apartment to confess to him. However, with one whiff of your body, whilst taking your shoes off, you were glad he wasn’t home yet. It allowed you to shower, do your hair, and spritz some of your favorite perfume over yourself.

When Jaemin arrived home, he found you pacing the length of the living room. He wondered if you’d wear the carpet out at this rate. “Did Hyuck understand the last two points okay?” The question hung in the air as he straightened from removing his shoes.

Jaemin knew that this was make or break. You either caught on to his subliminal message or it went right over your head and he would have to revoke the entire list. Though, the look you gave him at that moment said you understood very well.

“How long?” Your voice was a mere whisper, fingers tangling amongst themselves as your feet came to a stop at the end of the couch.

Silence. Jaemin said nothing, his backpack falling from his shoulder to make a dull sound on the carpet. He rubbed the back of his neck nervously, Jaemin was having trouble reading your expression. He wasn’t sure if the tears that were overspilling your eyes were a good thing or not. His teeth bit into his cheek.

“Jaemin, how long?” You moved in closer, your voice was desperate.

“A… a while.” He mumbled. “Too long,” He shook his head, suddenly finding the stain on the carpet much more interesting than the tears that spelled the pain on your face.

You sniffled, closing the gap between you to gently cup his cheeks with your palms and lift his gaze back onto yours. Jaemin caved, leaning into your loving touch with eyes fluttering closed. Warm hands cupped over your own.

“Please,” You’d never heard such vulnerability in Jaemin’s voice. “Let me down gently, ____.”

Jaemin’s eyes opened slowly, already feeling the numbness of rejection seep into his bones. But, you just shook your head with a watery smile. It made him hurt more, his first thought wondering if you were intentionally going to make him suffer for this.

“Oh, Jaem, I don’t plan to let you down at all.” Your whispered words were like a wash of color in skies of grey.

Jaemin’s breath of relief relaxed his shoulders and he wasted no time in connecting your lips. His kiss was gentle, surprisingly so for how long he had been waiting for you. Your lips were soft and he could taste the remanence of the drink you’d had earlier. Your lips slotted over Jaemin’s like they were made to be there, like a missing puzzle piece. It felt right.

It was you who pulled away first, slowly opening your eyes to smile shyly at him. “I love you, Jaemin.”

“I love you, ____”

©acescavern, Please do not copy, repost, or translate my works. Reblogging is allowed.

Thank you so so much for over 800 notes! ahhh I'm so happy people love Operation Rizz!

OPERATION RIZZ - NA JAEMIN

Navi - M.list

EDITED NOTE: I just want to thank you all so so much for the love you've shown this fic! to celebrate, check out the early release of End To Start!

Pairing: Na Jaemin x fem!reader (Ft. Yangyang, Haechan, Johnny, Jeno, and mentions of other nct members, nct dream are the friend group, the Jeno and his girlfriend mentioned are the same pairings from Quiet and Game over!)

Genre: Fluff, angst, humor, college au nct,

Synopsis: In an attempt to teach Donghyuck how to get a girlfriend, Jaemin helps him make a list only... that list seems awfully familiar.

wc: 7.8k ( my longest fic yet, I have perished.)

warnings: reference to the sexual activity that happened in Game Over between Jeno and his girlfriend, Mentions of smoking a joint at a frat party but no detailed usage and not by the two mc, Alcohol, Drunk reader, swearing, cringe pick up lines, reader, and Jaemin play the horror game 'the quarry' but no spoilers, timeline jumps a bit but I'm certain it's still understandable, mentions of harsh pranks being pulled by readers previous roommates, hints at previous roommates being bullies to the reader.

A/N: Hi, my lovelies. This fic was a wild ride, I'm telling you. I'm still not satisfied with the header but we move ig. This took me five-ish days I think, mainly cause I left it for at least three of those. I honestly hope you love this as much as I do. If I have missed any warnings please let me know! @sexygrass you asked me to tag you in the finished product! here you are,

Feel free to send me asks to talk about the fic, I love talking about fic characters.

Feedback and reblogs are appreciated!

It was a funny thing to watch Donghyuck fail miserably. It was even funnier to watch the brightly colored cocktail drip from the ends of his hair, soaking into his pristine white t-shirt. To Jaemin, it was the best entertainment in the world to watch his friend flirt terribly. There was a reason Jisung called him bitchless. Not to doom any potential girl Donghyuck could end up with, but the guy was just a walking beacon of cringe pickup lines.

Like tonight. Jaemin had watched from his spot perched on a barstool a few seats away as his friend confidently walked up to the bar. He’d internally winced as Donghyuck had added his own drink to the girl’s tab and he’d tried so hard to still his facial features when the said drink was promptly tipped over his head following the line he gave. “You owe me a drink, I dropped mine when I looked at you.”

It was safe to say that the man crashed, burned, and disintegrated. Jaemin couldn’t hold his laughter for long, barely able to set his drink down on the bar without spilling it before the howls of laughter racked through his body. He felt a hand slap down on his shoulder, the sounds of Yangyang’s own hysterical laughter hitting his ears.

“It’s not funny! Look at my shirt!” Donghyuck growled in annoyance, fingers plucking the wet material away from his skin. “I’m going to clean up...”

The man moved to brush past his two friends, Yangyang stilling his laughter long enough to reach out and grasp his sleeve. “I wouldn’t, Restrooms occupied.” He straightened from his hunched-over position, his voice strained from holding in further laughter. “Think Jeno’s trying to one-up over Jaehyun, dragged his girl in there and locked the door about twenty minutes or so ago.”

“For fuck sake!” He whined, foot kicking at a leg of Jaemin’s bar stool.

Jaemin stood, finally able to keep his laughter at bay. “What did you expect? He literally dragged us here in a fit of jealous rage.” He scoffed light-heartedly, slinging an arm over Donghyuck’s shoulder. “Come on, let’s just go home - Yang, you crashing at Hyuck’s too?” Jaemin craned his neck to catch his fellow 00’ liner’s answer.

Yangyang shrugged in acceptance of the offer, slinging his own arm over Hyuck’s other shoulder.

“So,” Hyuck began, pausing to slurp some of his McDonald’s strawberry milkshake through the disintegrating paper straw. “You’re telling me that my lines don’t work at all?”

Yangyang and Jaemin gave a pointed look to each other, almost as if trying to decide who should be the bearer of bad news. Jaemin gave a slight sigh, his mouth poised ready to talk but his brain still trying to come up with an answer.

“It’s just … You’ve got no rizz” He let the statement hang in the air, chewing into his cheek as Donghyuck blanched at the blunt statement.

“And you have?” He jeered in defense, chuckling in amusement.

“Dude, he’s the rizzler.” Yangyang piped in, the amused grin on his face broadening. “Jaemin’s got effortless rizz and he doesn’t even try.”

Jaemin was startled when his friend threw himself over his lap with a drawn-out dramatic cry. “Then help me!” He pleaded, loosely gripping Jaemin’s collar to shake him.

“Christ! Okay, Okay!” He gave in pretty quickly, shoving Donghyuck off of him with a little effort.

Jaemin shook his head at Hyuck’s antics, Yangyang laughing along with him. No words were spoken for a few moments until the latter made an announcement.

“Let Operation Rizz commence.”

Over the course of the next ten minutes, the two made Donghyuck write down his own step-by-step guide how to get a date.

Jaemin plucked the notepad from his friends' fingers, reading through them with a grimace of distaste.

"Step one is wink?" He read off in disbelief, nearly choking on air when he read step two. "Flirt with her best friend. Are you insane?"

He snatched the pen from Hyuck, ripping the list out of the book and scrunching it Into a ball.”We’ll rewrite it.”

"That's what the Buzzfeed article said to do!" That comment alone earned him a paper ball to the head.

"You need to practice and observe." Yangyang was right, it would be handy to have an actual female to be a 'test subject' as it were.

"But who? The only girls Hyuck know hate him and the only girl I kno–" Jaemin's words stopped dead as he caught onto what his friend was hinting at. "Absolutely not. ____, would never agree to this."

At least Jaemin hoped his roommate would be repulsed enough by the idea to call him crazy and move on.

The thing is, Jaemin had been a little selfish when it came to you. He had very rarely invited you to hang with any of his friends, not that he had to — you were purely roommates who had the same computer science class. That was how you met him. Jaemin had rocked up to class, late and unbothered. It was you who caught onto his small tales of anxiety when he struggled to catch up, wordlessly sliding your notes on the previous few slides onto his desk.

STEP ONE: BEFRIEND

After the lesson had ended and various students began to pile out of the door, you slowly started to pack up your things. A throat being cleared gained your attention, Jaemin looking at you sheepishly, a hand rubbing the back of his neck.

"Thanks for that." A smile of chagrin directed toward you. “I thought I could catch up but Mr. Kim just goes so fast.”

You chuckled, pinching your notes from the table to put them in your bag, zipping it up, and turning toward your classmate. “Next time, don’t be late.” Jaemin was drawn to the way your eyes crinkled at the corners when you granted him a grin. “It’s my turn to be late next class.”

True to your word, at 8:45 am the following Thursday, you snuck into the back of the class. You looked disheveled and half-dead to your fellow classmates. You didn’t want the unwanted attention that was sure to be drawn to you if you scrambled down to a vacant seat at the front, instead, you slipped into the closest empty seat on the back row.

You tried to make as minimal noise as possible when taking your things out of your backpack and you were so preoccupied with the action that you almost jumped when a few sheets of paper were slipped wordlessly onto your desk from the seat next to you.

The two of you fell into an unspoken routine this way. Jaemin would take notes for you to copy if you were late and vice versa, an unspoken rule being you took turns being late. For you, this wasn’t a problem. You were rarely late, something Jaemin noticed when he was hurriedly yanking on his jeans in an attempt to leave on time. He had secretly cursed you at that moment. Jaemin couldn’t be late, it wasn’t his turn and the rule was unspoken.

The next time you were late, you were very late. Jaemin had honestly thought you weren’t coming, his eyeline drifted to the door on multiple occasions. An odd feeling of disappointment settled in his chest. You had become the highlight of his day, Jaemin found himself looking forward to his computer science classes for once.

When you did finally turn up and slip into the seat next to him, he noticed you didn’t even make a move to remove your things from your backpack. You just stared straight ahead, hair drenched from the horrible weather outside and unshed tears pooling at your waterline.

One look at you and Jaemin’s teasing expression faded. He set his pen down, angling his body toward your seat. “Are you okay?” Jaemin almost slapped himself, it was obvious you weren’t.

You raised the damp sleeve of your sweater to wipe at your face, “Sorry I’m late, Jaemin.” Your voice was raw and croaky, he was sure you were going to get sick. “I slept in my car.”

The male blanched, eyebrows shooting to his hairline. Jaemin was sensitive enough to keep his voice low and careful, trying to coax the answers to his many questions from you. “Why, What happened?”

You sniffled quietly, fighting the urge to curl into yourself and hide. “My housemates locked me out again.” Jaemin’s expression softened, his hand reaching over to tuck your wet hair behind your ear. “Then my car broke down on the way to campus.”

Jaemin had heard about how your housemates were. You’d ranted to him in many lessons about what they were like. The only reason you were all housed together was through the private landlord student accommodation scheme set up for students who didn’t want the dormitory life.

He knew full well that it was a popular-eat-nerd food chain out there and he was grateful his grandma paid his rent for him - Always grandma’s favorite boy. It only took a few more of those incidents for Jaemin to offer his precious games room. He proposed a very convincing argument.

“Look, It’s a steal!” He exclaimed, “No rent and we just split the rest of the utilities and grocery costs, your own room, closer to campus, and me!” Jaemin flashed you his pearly whites at his winning argument.

“I can’t just take up your space like that, Jaemin.” You sighed, as much of an amazing offer it was… You didn’t want it out of pity.

“We’ll probably barely see each other! We can split the chores and work something out.”

It was safe to say you ended up caving into the offer. Any college student would snatch up the deal of accommodation with no rental costs.

Jaemin sat open-mouthed as you bobbed your head in agreement with the idea. “Hm, Yang’s right. I’m the only girl you know that won’t get violent when Hyuck acts like a douche.” You sat back in your chair, swiping Jaemin’s iced coffee from the table and taking a sip through the straw.

“I’m sorry, what?” He spluttered, “Hyuck gets attached, clingy. What if he likes you?” Jaemin’s worries were irrelevant to everyone else but him.

Jaemin didn’t like the idea of Donghyuck catching feelings but he supposed he may be acting on possessive instinct. He shook his head, avoiding the look Yangyang was giving him. It was like the guy was trying to analyze his expressions and read his mind. He felt momentarily exposed.

“Speak of the devil and he shall appear,” You snickered, “Donghyuck, sit.”

Hyuck brushed off his barista apron, shoving his order pad into one of the large pockets in the front as he sat at the vacant chair at the table. You sat up from your slouched position in your chair, sliding Jaemin’s coffee back over to him - the cup being halfway empty by now.

“Show me what you got.” You tapped the table with your hand.

You, Jaemin, and Yangyang watched as Hyuck ran a hand through his hair, his left eye dropping into a wink that could only be described as cringe when he leaned forward toward you. “Are you a transformer?” He paused a moment, long enough to give an over-exaggerated lip bite, his flirty gaze running up and down your torso. “ ‘Cause you’re Optimus fin-” His confidence was harshly broken as you mocked the sound of a loud buzzer.

“Pickup lines don’t work anymore, Dude.” You crossed your arms over your chest. “That was- …. I don’t actually have words for how bad that truly was.” Donghyuck’s face fell.

“Technically, we’re skipping step one because you already kind of know ____. So, step one is ‘befriend’. If she was a stranger you’d have just failed miserably.” Jaemin said to his friend, lifting his coffee to inspect the cup of the missing liquid.

“Alright, What’s step two?” Hyuck shrugged, looking expectantly at his friends.

STEP TWO: GET TO KNOW

Back when you had first moved in with Jaemin, the two of you were more than awkward. It felt odd for each of you to see each other in your most vulnerable states. At home. In class things were different, that was a side of you that prepared to go out and face the day, a social mask slipping in place.

It took just one instance to get over the hurdle of timidness between you both. One Saturday, Jaemin had just gotten back with the groceries, the list crumpled in one of the bags he was hefting. You were leaning against the breakfast bar in the kitchen, a mug of coffee - specifically a Chocolate Mocha from a sachet - cupped in your hands.

Once all of the bags were strewn over the kitchen counter and the floor surrounding the fridge, you set your mug in the sink and began helping.

“Oh, no way!” You gasped, holding up the box of frozen desserts. “Two-ball-screwballs?” Jaemin looked up from shoving frozen food into the freezer drawers, a surprised smile on his face.

“Yeah! My mom used to get them for me every Friday after school.” He shut the drawer he was working on.

“I thought they were discontinued!” You gushed, tearing open the box and removing the cone-shaped cup. “I love these.”

Jaemin’s shoulders perked, his eyes brightening. “You’re kidding! My friends think they’re low tier.” He took the box from you, removing one of the plastic cones for himself and putting the rest into the freezer to save them from melting.

“Low tier? Your friends are low tier.” You scoffed jokingly, peeling off the top.

Jaemin rose to his feet, accepting the teaspoon you offered to him. “I’ll pay you ten to say that to Chenle’s face.” He chuckled, diving his spoon into the red cherry slush.

“What other gems are you hiding?” You questioned, spoon hanging from your mouth as you began to finish off the groceries with your free hand.

“Depends, do you like video games?” Jaemin lifted himself to perch on the breakfast bar.

“I like watching people play them,” You cast a glance back at your roommate. “I don’t have the hand-eye coordination for them.”

Jaemin hummed in thought, his gaze locked onto the dessert in his hand. “If I set up in the living room, do you wanna, maybe, watch me play?” He offered, discreetly peering up at you without lifting his head.

He watched you ponder over the idea a moment before nodding, “Sure.”

That night, you and Jaemin settled onto the couch with the controller firmly in his hand. You stared at the opening game screen ‘The Quarry’ glitching back at you. Jaemin had promised you that this wasn’t so much of a fast-paced game and more of a multiple choice.

“It’s a horror game-” He caught the look of unease on your face. “But it’s not that bad! It’s like a movie but you choose what happens and each option you choose alters the game path. It’s really cool!” The look on his face, as he describes one of his favorite games, will forever be your favorite expression on him.

His eyes light with excitement, and the controller drops to his lap as he uses elaborate hand gestures to explain the concept to you. There’s a feeling deep down that you want him to look like that whilst talking about you. But, that’s stupid, right? You’d only known him a few months at that point.

“Can you turn the subtitles on? I can’t hear a thing without them.” You nudged him with your elbow, prompting Jaemin to stare at you in amusement.

“If I wanted to read a book, I would.” He quipped, still navigating the settings to turn them on for you regardless.

You were only on the first chapter of the game and somehow you’d ended up scrunched up into Jaemin’s side, all awkwardness from before long gone. “No no! Don’t go down there, That’s just stupid!” You shouted, peeking up from his shoulder.

“____,” Jaemin laughed, “We have to, it’s the gameplay. We gotta follow Max into the cellar.” A hand left his controller to pat the top of your head.

You were both late for class the next day.

“Get to know them? How long will this take?” Donghyuck complained, a pout playing at his lips.

He wasn’t a patient man and quite honestly, this was taking longer than he had thought. You cast him a sharp look. “Hyuck, you said you wanted a girlfriend. A lot of work goes into the buildup.”

“Can’t you just date me and then I don’t have to get to know anyone?” He huffed, letting his forehead drop to the table.

His question earned him two abrupt shouts of “No!” Both Yangyang and you exchanged slightly shocked looks at how quickly Jaemin said it along with you.

“Ugh! Fine, so, I get to know them.” Donghyuck lifted his head. “Do I have to ask questions?”

A mumbled ‘He’s hopeless’ under your breath had you receiving two kicks under the table as Jaemin responded to the question. “Yeah, Ask about her hobbies, and family, know the basics, and find a niche to get into deeper conversation.”

“Noted. So, find things in common, then?” Hyuck voiced the question with slight uncertainty.

You grinned, tapping his arm to reward him. “Yeah, exactly!” You studied him a moment, face scrunched in thought. “Say… Hyuck, is there someone in specific you’ve got your eye on?” You questioned.

Hyuck laughed nervously, the three sets of eyes staring at him intently making him slightly nervous. See, Donghyuck always had an obvious tell when he was hiding something. First, eye contact became nonexistent. Then, he would over-blink, his friends joked that he’d take off if he blinked too fast. Lastly, the incoherent defense. Hyuck was doing all of those things.

“Do we need to teach you to lie as well?” Yangyang teased, jabbing his friend in the side.

“Speak for yourself, I don’t lie.” You spoke, pretending to inspect your nails until Jaemin’s snort of laughter cut across the table to you.

“Yeah, right. ____, who ate the last two-ball screwball?” He quipped, an eyebrow raised in challenge at you.

“Uhm, Luna.” It wasn’t Jaemin’s cat.

STEP THREE: GESTURES OF KINDNESS

It was rare for you to go out with your friends. It was rare for you to get drunk, too. You had declined an invitation to the neo-frat party for months, much to the disappointment of your friend. It was after four months of living with Jaemin that you found out he was going, only then did you finally accept the next invitation you received.

You’d spent all afternoon following your friends around the shopping plaza to find the right outfit. Your outfit was at your friends' house, you didn’t see the need to overdress for drinking in a stuffy frat house full of sweaty college kids.

The first glimpse of you Jaemin had caught that day was an hour into the party, the frat house in full swing. He’d been roped in to help set up, his friend Mark being a part of it and Hyuck being heavily involved. Jaemin had been looking for you all night and when he finally caught you, you were talking to Johnny.

Jaemin felt unsettled, though he had no choice who you spoke to. He kept glancing at you, hand gripping the solo cup tighter in his hand the more you laughed at Johnny’s jokes. You’d been drinking, that much was clear. Your cheeks a rosy red and your eyes slightly glazed with intoxication, Jaemin had caught onto how you swayed subtly on the spot, your hand gestures over-exaggerated, and your giggles that seemed to happen at everything Johnny said.

Jaemin’s gaze tore away from you when a hand waved in front of his face, his mind catching up with reality when he saw his best friend. “Jeno, sorry, didn’t hear you.”

Jeno gave his friend a knowing look, shaking his head. “You were staring, if you like her then tell her.” He shrugged, lifting his beer bottle to his lips to take a swig.

Jaemin frowned, his eyeline drawn to you once more as he shook his head. “It’s a bad idea, we live together.” As much as he hated to admit it, Jaemin wondered if inviting you to live with him was a mistake for this reason. “It’d be awkward if it didn’t work out, Jen.”

It’d taken Jaemin only one month of living with you to come to the conclusion that he was slowly becoming head over heels infatuated with you. He wasn’t entirely sure if it was love yet, but Jaemin knew you made him feel things that were an entirely new experience.

“If you’re so headstrong on it, make me a bet.” Jaemin’s attention was stolen away from you once more, his eyebrows scrunched in an expression that told Jeno that he wasn’t really listening at all. “If you end up dating by… let's say, the end of the academic year, then you have to get a tattoo.”

Jaemin gulped slightly, he wasn’t a fan of needles. But he was so sure he would be able to resist you. “Fine, if we don’t, you’ve got to get one. In a place of my choosing.” Jaemin mastered a grin, shaking Jeno’s hand to seal the deal.

When Jaemin turned back around, you or Johnny were nowhere to be seen. His mind’s implication of what it meant had his heart dropping into his stomach. He bitterly shook his head, downing the rest of the ‘special punch’ in his cup.

Jaemin went on with the party, utterly miserable at the thought of you holed up in one of the various upstairs bedrooms with Johnny. Of all people. You had to choose the biggest player out there. It was almost like Jaemin was walking around with his own cloud of self-loathing thundering over his head.

He’d thrown himself onto one of the lawn chairs that surrounded the outdoor pool, running a hand over his face. However, he soon froze when he spotted Johnny. The frat member was with Jaehyun and the frat leader, Taeyong. Jaemin noticed the absence of you immediately and it had him springing up from his seat with a slight stumble. Jaemin wasn’t drunk, he was just bordering the line between tipsy and lightly mellow.

Jaemin tapped urgently on Johnny’s shoulder, the older male turning to him with a doped-up smile. Johnny removed the joint from his mouth, offering it out to Jaemin with a hazed blink. “Where’s ____?” Was his immediate response.

Confusion clouded the elder's face for a moment before he laughed loudly. “Man, she’s wasted!” Jaemin gritted his teeth as a bout of smoke wafted in front of his face.

“Yeah, good to know.” He rushed out in exasperation. “Where?” Johnny’s smile dropped as he shrugged.

“Last I knew, she was asleep on the stairs.” Jaemin didn’t wait for any further explanation, bolting it back inside the house and to the sweeping staircase near the front door.

Sure enough, that’s where he found you. Your lips set into an adorable pout from where your head had hung in your slumber. Jaemin was certain that your neck would hurt in the morning if he didn’t take you home. Though, looking at you… Jaemin couldn’t fight the fond chuckle escaping him.

He knelt down at the bottom step, lifting his hand to gently sweep your hair back. His lips pursed as he took in the state of you, fingers tugging your t-shirt dress down your thighs from where it had risen in an attempt to shield your modesty. He squeezed your knee.

“____,” He called to you gently, a hand on your shoulder to lightly shake you awake. “____, c’mon. I’m taking you home.”

A groan left your closed lips, your body attempting to twist to the side as if you were casually rolling over in the comfort of your bed. Jaemin wouldn’t let you, firmly shaking your shoulder again. He sighed in relief when your eyes finally opened, squinting at the light.

“There she is.” He grinned, both hands moving to your cheeks to steady your lolling head.

Jaemin honestly couldn't help but grin in return for the drunk smile you gave him. It was like you were suddenly sprung with energy. “Jaemin!” You launched forward, both arms wrapping tight around his neck.

His hands had to settle on your back to stop you both from toppling over. Your roommate coaxed you to stand, brushing down the crumbs and dirt from your dress. Jaemin made you lean on the wall as he unzipped his hoodie and tied it around your waist.

“Okay, I need you to hold onto my neck… but not strangle me. You got that, ____?” He spoke slowly as if talking to a child because Jaemin had come to realize that’s exactly how drunk you were.

He left you on the second step, crouching down and patting his shoulder. It was embarrassing how many attempts it took to get you securely on Jaemin’s back but eventually, you succeeded in the climb.

The man carried you all the way across the campus and into the blocks of student housing like this. The whole way you were singing at the top of your lungs, Jaemin even joined in when you started singing Twice’s Fancy. He noted you got quieter at the end of your street and when your light snore hit his ear, he knew the reason why.

There was a struggle for him to unlock the front door with you still on Jaemin’s back. Trying not to let the three cats escape was an even bigger feat that Jaemin managed. He also managed to get you off his back, setting you down on your bed. Your shoelaces were already half undone in a loose tangle, Jaemin not having to work very hard to get your shoes and socks off your feet.

The brown-eyed man looked frantically around your room, spotting the cotton pads and micellar water on your desk. Gentle strokes of the cotton pad across your skin removed the smeared makeup on your face. Jaemin was amazed you didn’t wake up, especially when he got to your eyes.

His fingers lingered on your face, a sad smile gracing his lips. “I wish things were different, ____.” Jaemin shook his head with a sigh, dropping the used cotton pads into your trash can and setting them next to your bed.

With a glass of water and some Advil at your bedside, Jaemin gave into temptation and pressed a light, lingering kiss to the top of your head before tucking you in and parting from your bedroom.

“Acts of kindness?” Donghyuck echoed. “If I help her out at the library, does that count?”

“She works at the library?” Your mouth was covered by Donghyuck's palm.

“Don’t announce it to the whole coffee shop, ____!” He hissed, yanking his hand away and shaking it out when he felt something slimy brush across his palm. “Okay, ew.”

“Hm, that’d work, try something a little more meaningful though, Hyuck” Yangyang suggested as he stood, slinging his backpack over his shoulder. “I gotta go, botany class starts soon.”

The three of you echoed your goodbyes, turning back to the list on the table once your retreating friend was out of sight.

“So, your crush is one of the librarians?” Jaemin questioned, his face shriveling at his next thought. “Do not sit here and tell me that it’s Mrs. Choi...”

“Gross! No, she has warts on warts.” Hyuck shivered at the very thought of it. “She’s our age.”

Donghyuck could practically see the wheels turning in both of your brains as the two of you tried to work it out. He could also guess when yours and Jaemin’s thought waves seemed to of aligned. He found it slightly freaky how you seemed to have a full conversation with just a look.

“Oh, her.” You nodded your head in approval. “Good choice, Hyuck. She’s a friend of mine, really shy.” You hummed.

“You’re not gonna put in a good word for me, even if I ask… are you?” The man’s shoulders deflated as you shook your head.

“Alright then… What’s after the acts of kindness?”

STEP FOUR: COMPLIMENT TASTEFULLY

Jaemin remembers clearly the day he thought his heart jumped out of his throat and threw itself into the lake.

It was one of the rare occasions that he had invited you to hang out where his friends were - He wouldn’t admit but the only reason he did was that Jeno’s girlfriend was begging at his feet not to be the only girl. So, Jaemin invited you.

His eyes widened at the arctic sleeping bag you pulled from the trunk of your car. “Where did you get that?”

You gave a nonchalant shrug, “What do you think I used when I used to sleep in my car? Takeout wrappers?” His mouth snapped shut as you unzipped the door to your one-person tent, flinging the sleeping bag inside to deal with later. It was only when you had zipped your tent back up did you turn to him again. “Thanks for building the tent for me.” You beamed at him, your hand patting his shoulder in thanks.

“Thanks for driving all our stuff down here. I didn’t realize we had so much.” He glanced around at the half-set-up camp circle. “I should go and help Jisung-ie.”

The two of you went around separately, helping the group set things up, and come nightfall, the nine of you were crowded around the campfire. Jaemin wasn’t listening too much, the brunette was too preoccupied with the way your eyes shone in the moonlight and how the flame from the fire gave your skin a breath-taking glow. He nudged your side with his elbow subtly.

Jaemin was going to compliment you, he was going to tell you how beautiful you looked out there with nature but the words died on his tongue when you looked at him with your showstopping smile. All he could do was nudge the bag of marshmallows toward you.

There was a multitude of reasons why Jaemin couldn't tell you and reason number one was sat across from you both, staring at him with a pointed look across the dancing heat of the fire. Lee Jeno. Jaemin’s best friend nodded his head firmly in your direction, rolling his eyes when Jaemin just shook his head and broke eye contact.

The whole of the three days camping, Jaemin hadn’t had a minute alone with you. Not even on the drive back, with the other car full - Chenle had borrowed his mom’s six-seater - that left three people, including yourself, in your car. So, you, Jaemin, Renjun, and the luggage were in your little two-door car.

The both of you were relieved when you finally arrived home. As much as Renjun was the best company for a two-hour drive, all he did was complain about how little Donghyuck and Chenle helped pack away. It was nice to just have silence.

You had time for a shower and a nap and Jaemin had time to go through the plethora of photographs he took on the trip. He hadn’t realized he took so many, mostly of you. Jaemin stopped on one he took of you by the lake. You were posed beautifully, unaware of the camera pointed toward you. Your smile beaming, the way the sun encased you made you look almost ethereal. Your arm was lifted, eyes locked in fascination on a baby blue butterfly that landed on your index finger.

That was Jaemin’s favorite by far. He had no idea how long he had been staring at the image on his camera, nearly jumping out of his skin when your voice sounded close to his ear. You’d leaned over the back of the couch to take a look.

“Oh, I didn’t know you even took that.” You marveled.

“Hm, It’s one of my favorites.” He murmured quietly, glancing up to watch as you climbed over the back of the piece of furniture to sit next to him.

“The sun makes me look so cool!” You leaned further over, looking at the image in more detail.

Jaemin shook his head, handing the camera over to you. “Nah, You always look that pretty.” He’d said the sentence without thinking.

A light blush coated the apples of your cheeks. Jaemin hadn’t complimented you like this before, no matter how many times you’d longed to hear something like this from your roommate. Your heart was doing somersaults in your chest. You wondered for a moment if he meant it but when Jaemin didn’t comment any further on the matter you decided not to ask.

“Oh.” You had no idea what to say in response and Jaemin thought your newfound shyness at his compliment was well worth the slip-up.

From then on, Jaemin made sure to give you subtle compliments every so often. Taking personal satisfaction in the color of your cheeks and the shy smiles that would occur.

“And remember, Hyuck. No pickup lines.” Jaemin spoke slowly, hoping that it would get through his friend's head.

Donghyuck hummed in thought before eventually nodding in defeat. “No pickup lines. Not even one.”

Jaemin looked almost proud, giving his friend a light fist bump. “Go through the steps, I need to know you aren’t going to mess this up.”

Hyuck sighed, lifting the list to read out the steps so far. Both you and Jaemin sitting opposite him in anticipation. “Alright, Step one is befriending.” He thought a moment. “So, like, make a connection so we aren’t strangers?” He trailed off on a question, looking to your faces for confirmation.

If your grins were anything to go by, he was doing fine. “Step two is Get to Know.” He took a sip of his coffee, writing a few notes next to the bullet point. “Like, find out her hobbies, places she likes, TV shows, music, food, and maybe things about her family. That sort of thing.” He sounded confident enough with step two that you or Jaemin didn’t make a single comment.

Donghyuck cleared his throat, pausing on step three. “Gestures of kindness?” His confidence wavered. “Can’t we skip any steps?”

“No, No skipping, You got this, Hyuck. Think about it.” Jaemin was awed at the way you gently encouraged his friend. Jaemin and the rest of his friend group usually took the harsher approach, teasing him to no end.

“Alright,” Donghyuck looked visibly in thought for a moment. “Like offering her a ride home or… or staying behind to help her organize the shelves at the library?”

Jaemin hummed, nodding. “Yeah, if you can work out something more solid that would mean more to her then try that. Otherwise, I think that would work. Or bringing her lunch, If you know what she likes.”

“Got it,” Donghyuck scribbled down more notes. “Step four is Compliment Tastefully.” He looked back and forth between you two. “No pickup lines. But, natural?” He tilted his head at the question.

“Yep, Girls love to hear small compliments. About anything.” You offered, “How we’ve painted our nails? Our hair?” You listed off things for him to jot down on the paper, ending with; “Little and often.”

“Thanks, is that it?” Hyuck glanced down at his notepad again, a frown on his face. “None of this includes actually getting the title of boyfriend.”

“No, there are two more steps. The next thing is..”

STEP FIVE: INVITE OUT ( NOT A DATE )

Jaemin fought tooth and nail for these tickets. He had no idea how much they were going to cost nor how many people were biting to attend the event. He remembers when you scrolled through a TikTok of the exact same event but in Paris, beneath the Eiffel Tower.

The way your face lit up when you shoved the phone in his face, rambling about how cool it was. So, when Jaemin caught wind of there being an outdoor cinema on the hill hosted at your very own University campus over the break, he just had to get you there.

But, how would Jaemin get you there without you thinking that he went through so much trouble just to get you a ticket? He thought of telling you that he found them on the ground but that would be ridiculous. There was no way you’d believe that.

Jaemin thought about it the upcoming week of the event, until the day before. You’d entered the apartment, slamming the door behind you much harsher than Jaemin was used to. His head peeked up from over the back of the couch.

“____?” He was met with angry grumbling, and the thudding of your shoes being dropped onto the floor after taking them off. “You okay?”

“Why do people have to be the way that they are?” Your sudden question stunned him for a moment, Jaemin meekly shrugged.

“Good afternoon to you, as well.” He chuckled softly, rising from the couch and rounding the half wall to the kitchen. Already on autopilot to make you a drink.

“I tried to get tickets for Grease In The Park.” Jaemin froze with his hand mid-way in grabbing a glass from the shelf.

“Oh? Really? How did that go?” He cleared his throat to try and curb the nervous waver in his voice.

He glanced over into the living room, seeing you throw yourself onto the couch with a defeated frown on your face. “Someone said they were selling theirs, so I paid way more than I should have for them and they were fake!” You had every right to be pissed, you wasted money that you could be using for gas and next month's car insurance.

Jaemin visibly relaxed out of your eyeline, filling the glass with soda and walking back to set it on the coffee table in front of you. You peered up at his bright, toothy smile, your frown deepening when he laughed softly.

“I don’t see how this is funny, Jaemin.” You grumbled, your foot jutting out to hit the back of his knee. Jaemin only nudged your legs back to perch on the edge of the couch, fingers tugging open one of the drawers in the wooden coffee table.

He produced to you an envelope, raising an eyebrow as he waved it in front of you. “Just go with me.” He stated simply, “Jeno’s now going with his girlfriend. I got a spare ticket.”

He’d never seen you move so fast, snatching the envelope from his hands to peer inside. “Holy shit! You’re not joking? These are real?” You gasped, catching the holographic authenticity sticker on the tickets. “Jaemin, Oh my god!”

Jaemin let out a grunt as he was tackled by you, his back bracing his fall against the cushions. Jaemin stilled for only a moment until he relaxed, his arms winding around your back to gently pat along your spine. “Is that a yes?”

It was and the very next day you were flattening out a picnic blanket under a blossom tree on the hill. The perfect spot to get the best view. If anybody stood up, it wouldn't obstruct your view and it was perfect. You’d insisted that you and Jaemin pack a cooler of snacks and some sandwiches, and much to his surprise you’d packed a Two-ball Screwball each.

Jaemin honestly couldn’t recall the plot of the movie, you were amazed he had never seen Grease before. Even after watching it underneath the blossom tree in the greenery behind the University's main building, Jaemin couldn’t recite the storyline. All Jaemin could remember was watching you with stars in your eyes as you belted out the lyrics to nearly every song.

As the fading notes to You’re The One That I Want got quieter, you turned to him. Jaemin loved you like this, unapologetically you. Cheeks red from the excitement and singing, eyes wide and wondrous in the nature's air. And then you floored him, leaning over to press a meaningful kiss to his cheek.

His lips parted in surprise, his own giddy smile widening as you pulled back an inch to look at him. “Thanks, Jaemin.” You whispered between you. “This has been the best movie theatre experience ever.” and with that, you tugged the spare blanket around the both of you, naturally hugging into Jaemin’s side.

Jaemin complained before about the effort to get the tickets but in that moment he vowed that he would do it again ten times over just to relive this moment.

“You’ve got to make it sentimental. Somewhere she’s always wanted to go but don’t overdo it.” Jaemin pointed at Hyuck in a warning.

“Don’t overdo it? How much do you think this place pays me?” He snorted, gesturing to the coffee shop the three of them had been sitting in since Hyuck’s shift ended two hours ago.

“They’d probably pay you more if you did your job and stopped giving us free coffee.” You shrugged, poking at Donghyuck’s shoulder.

“I’m not even on shift right now!” Donghyuck protested, slapping his hand down on the table. “Do you really want me to start charging you for coffee?”

Jaemin’s lips tugged into a fond smile, letting his friends argue as he slid the paper and pen back toward himself to write the final two steps. He stared at it for a few moments, glancing up at you only once before nodding his head and flipping the paper face down.

Your playful stint with Donghyuck ended as Jaemin stood from his seat, slinging his backpack over his shoulder. “I’ve written the last two steps down.” He began, avoiding your eyes. “I got class in fifteen.”

Jaemin swiftly left you both sitting there, Hyuck already scrolling on his phone when you nudged him. “Aren’t you going to look at step six and seven?” You nudged the paper toward him.

“Eh, read ‘em to me.” Donghyuck shrugged, glancing up at you from his game.

You rolled your eyes, reaching over for the paper. You flipped it over, skimming over the last two steps. Your heart stilled, your body seizing in shock as your brain caught up.

“Oh my god, I’m an idiot.” You whispered, Donghyuck finally glancing over to you.

“I could have told you that, but why?” His head shoved into your eyeline to look at the paper.

‘STEP SIX: WAIT FOR HER TO NOTICE’

“So? Why are you an idiot?” He looked puzzled, eyeing your frozen form carefully.

“Look at this list,” You wave it almost frantically. “Jaemin has done every single one of these things for me.”

“Oh, Yeah. That’s cause he’s in love with you.” Your friend said casually, your head snapping in his direction.

“What?” You choked in disbelief, dropping the list to the table once more.

“I’m surprised you haven’t caught on yet,” Hyuck laughed, “Kinda tragic if you ask me, unrequited love and all.” He yelped when he received a smack to the forearm.

“It’s not unrequited!” It was almost comical how his eyes widened at your exclamation.

“Then go and find him, look at step seven.”

STEP SEVEN: CONFESS

You left the coffee shop in a clumsy mess, nearly headbutting the door on your way out. Honestly, you were beating yourself up over this. Just how long had you been tiptoeing around each other like this? How long had Jaemin been waiting for you to notice?

Of course, there were some intrusive thoughts shoved into the chaos of your mind. Like; What if you were overlooking this? What if Hyuck was lying? What if Jaemin had gotten bored of waiting for you and moved on already?

You skidded to a stop at your front door, suddenly remembering he wasn’t home. Jaemin was in class for at least two hours and you’d just run all the way back to the apartment to confess to him. However, with one whiff of your body, whilst taking your shoes off, you were glad he wasn’t home yet. It allowed you to shower, do your hair, and spritz some of your favorite perfume over yourself.

When Jaemin arrived home, he found you pacing the length of the living room. He wondered if you’d wear the carpet out at this rate. “Did Hyuck understand the last two points okay?” The question hung in the air as he straightened from removing his shoes.

Jaemin knew that this was make or break. You either caught on to his subliminal message or it went right over your head and he would have to revoke the entire list. Though, the look you gave him at that moment said you understood very well.

“How long?” Your voice was a mere whisper, fingers tangling amongst themselves as your feet came to a stop at the end of the couch.

Silence. Jaemin said nothing, his backpack falling from his shoulder to make a dull sound on the carpet. He rubbed the back of his neck nervously, Jaemin was having trouble reading your expression. He wasn’t sure if the tears that were overspilling your eyes were a good thing or not. His teeth bit into his cheek.

“Jaemin, how long?” You moved in closer, your voice was desperate.

“A… a while.” He mumbled. “Too long,” He shook his head, suddenly finding the stain on the carpet much more interesting than the tears that spelled the pain on your face.

You sniffled, closing the gap between you to gently cup his cheeks with your palms and lift his gaze back onto yours. Jaemin caved, leaning into your loving touch with eyes fluttering closed. Warm hands cupped over your own.

“Please,” You’d never heard such vulnerability in Jaemin’s voice. “Let me down gently, ____.”

Jaemin’s eyes opened slowly, already feeling the numbness of rejection seep into his bones. But, you just shook your head with a watery smile. It made him hurt more, his first thought wondering if you were intentionally going to make him suffer for this.

“Oh, Jaem, I don’t plan to let you down at all.” Your whispered words were like a wash of color in skies of grey.

Jaemin’s breath of relief relaxed his shoulders and he wasted no time in connecting your lips. His kiss was gentle, surprisingly so for how long he had been waiting for you. Your lips were soft and he could taste the remanence of the drink you’d had earlier. Your lips slotted over Jaemin’s like they were made to be there, like a missing puzzle piece. It felt right.

It was you who pulled away first, slowly opening your eyes to smile shyly at him. “I love you, Jaemin.”

“I love you, ____”

©acescavern, Please do not copy, repost, or translate my works. Reblogging is allowed.

OPERATION RIZZ - NA JAEMIN

Navi - M.list

EDITED NOTE: I just want to thank you all so so much for the love you've shown this fic! to celebrate, check out the early release of End To Start!

Pairing: Na Jaemin x fem!reader (Ft. Yangyang, Haechan, Johnny, Jeno, and mentions of other nct members, nct dream are the friend group, the Jeno and his girlfriend mentioned are the same pairings from Quiet and Game over!)

Genre: Fluff, angst, humor, college au nct,

Synopsis: In an attempt to teach Donghyuck how to get a girlfriend, Jaemin helps him make a list only... that list seems awfully familiar.

wc: 7.8k ( my longest fic yet, I have perished.)

warnings: reference to the sexual activity that happened in Game Over between Jeno and his girlfriend, Mentions of smoking a joint at a frat party but no detailed usage and not by the two mc, Alcohol, Drunk reader, swearing, cringe pick up lines, reader, and Jaemin play the horror game 'the quarry' but no spoilers, timeline jumps a bit but I'm certain it's still understandable, mentions of harsh pranks being pulled by readers previous roommates, hints at previous roommates being bullies to the reader.

A/N: Hi, my lovelies. This fic was a wild ride, I'm telling you. I'm still not satisfied with the header but we move ig. This took me five-ish days I think, mainly cause I left it for at least three of those. I honestly hope you love this as much as I do. If I have missed any warnings please let me know! @sexygrass you asked me to tag you in the finished product! here you are,

Feel free to send me asks to talk about the fic, I love talking about fic characters.

Feedback and reblogs are appreciated!

It was a funny thing to watch Donghyuck fail miserably. It was even funnier to watch the brightly colored cocktail drip from the ends of his hair, soaking into his pristine white t-shirt. To Jaemin, it was the best entertainment in the world to watch his friend flirt terribly. There was a reason Jisung called him bitchless. Not to doom any potential girl Donghyuck could end up with, but the guy was just a walking beacon of cringe pickup lines.

Like tonight. Jaemin had watched from his spot perched on a barstool a few seats away as his friend confidently walked up to the bar. He’d internally winced as Donghyuck had added his own drink to the girl’s tab and he’d tried so hard to still his facial features when the said drink was promptly tipped over his head following the line he gave. “You owe me a drink, I dropped mine when I looked at you.”

It was safe to say that the man crashed, burned, and disintegrated. Jaemin couldn’t hold his laughter for long, barely able to set his drink down on the bar without spilling it before the howls of laughter racked through his body. He felt a hand slap down on his shoulder, the sounds of Yangyang’s own hysterical laughter hitting his ears.

“It’s not funny! Look at my shirt!” Donghyuck growled in annoyance, fingers plucking the wet material away from his skin. “I’m going to clean up...”

The man moved to brush past his two friends, Yangyang stilling his laughter long enough to reach out and grasp his sleeve. “I wouldn’t, Restrooms occupied.” He straightened from his hunched-over position, his voice strained from holding in further laughter. “Think Jeno’s trying to one-up over Jaehyun, dragged his girl in there and locked the door about twenty minutes or so ago.”

“For fuck sake!” He whined, foot kicking at a leg of Jaemin’s bar stool.

Jaemin stood, finally able to keep his laughter at bay. “What did you expect? He literally dragged us here in a fit of jealous rage.” He scoffed light-heartedly, slinging an arm over Donghyuck’s shoulder. “Come on, let’s just go home - Yang, you crashing at Hyuck’s too?” Jaemin craned his neck to catch his fellow 00’ liner’s answer.

Yangyang shrugged in acceptance of the offer, slinging his own arm over Hyuck’s other shoulder.

“So,” Hyuck began, pausing to slurp some of his McDonald’s strawberry milkshake through the disintegrating paper straw. “You’re telling me that my lines don’t work at all?”

Yangyang and Jaemin gave a pointed look to each other, almost as if trying to decide who should be the bearer of bad news. Jaemin gave a slight sigh, his mouth poised ready to talk but his brain still trying to come up with an answer.

“It’s just … You’ve got no rizz” He let the statement hang in the air, chewing into his cheek as Donghyuck blanched at the blunt statement.

“And you have?” He jeered in defense, chuckling in amusement.

“Dude, he’s the rizzler.” Yangyang piped in, the amused grin on his face broadening. “Jaemin’s got effortless rizz and he doesn’t even try.”

Jaemin was startled when his friend threw himself over his lap with a drawn-out dramatic cry. “Then help me!” He pleaded, loosely gripping Jaemin’s collar to shake him.

“Christ! Okay, Okay!” He gave in pretty quickly, shoving Donghyuck off of him with a little effort.

Jaemin shook his head at Hyuck’s antics, Yangyang laughing along with him. No words were spoken for a few moments until the latter made an announcement.

“Let Operation Rizz commence.”

Over the course of the next ten minutes, the two made Donghyuck write down his own step-by-step guide how to get a date.

Jaemin plucked the notepad from his friends' fingers, reading through them with a grimace of distaste.

"Step one is wink?" He read off in disbelief, nearly choking on air when he read step two. "Flirt with her best friend. Are you insane?"

He snatched the pen from Hyuck, ripping the list out of the book and scrunching it Into a ball.”We’ll rewrite it.”

"That's what the Buzzfeed article said to do!" That comment alone earned him a paper ball to the head.

"You need to practice and observe." Yangyang was right, it would be handy to have an actual female to be a 'test subject' as it were.

"But who? The only girls Hyuck know hate him and the only girl I kno–" Jaemin's words stopped dead as he caught onto what his friend was hinting at. "Absolutely not. ____, would never agree to this."

At least Jaemin hoped his roommate would be repulsed enough by the idea to call him crazy and move on.

The thing is, Jaemin had been a little selfish when it came to you. He had very rarely invited you to hang with any of his friends, not that he had to — you were purely roommates who had the same computer science class. That was how you met him. Jaemin had rocked up to class, late and unbothered. It was you who caught onto his small tales of anxiety when he struggled to catch up, wordlessly sliding your notes on the previous few slides onto his desk.

STEP ONE: BEFRIEND

After the lesson had ended and various students began to pile out of the door, you slowly started to pack up your things. A throat being cleared gained your attention, Jaemin looking at you sheepishly, a hand rubbing the back of his neck.

"Thanks for that." A smile of chagrin directed toward you. “I thought I could catch up but Mr. Kim just goes so fast.”

You chuckled, pinching your notes from the table to put them in your bag, zipping it up, and turning toward your classmate. “Next time, don’t be late.” Jaemin was drawn to the way your eyes crinkled at the corners when you granted him a grin. “It’s my turn to be late next class.”

True to your word, at 8:45 am the following Thursday, you snuck into the back of the class. You looked disheveled and half-dead to your fellow classmates. You didn’t want the unwanted attention that was sure to be drawn to you if you scrambled down to a vacant seat at the front, instead, you slipped into the closest empty seat on the back row.

You tried to make as minimal noise as possible when taking your things out of your backpack and you were so preoccupied with the action that you almost jumped when a few sheets of paper were slipped wordlessly onto your desk from the seat next to you.

The two of you fell into an unspoken routine this way. Jaemin would take notes for you to copy if you were late and vice versa, an unspoken rule being you took turns being late. For you, this wasn’t a problem. You were rarely late, something Jaemin noticed when he was hurriedly yanking on his jeans in an attempt to leave on time. He had secretly cursed you at that moment. Jaemin couldn’t be late, it wasn’t his turn and the rule was unspoken.

The next time you were late, you were very late. Jaemin had honestly thought you weren’t coming, his eyeline drifted to the door on multiple occasions. An odd feeling of disappointment settled in his chest. You had become the highlight of his day, Jaemin found himself looking forward to his computer science classes for once.

When you did finally turn up and slip into the seat next to him, he noticed you didn’t even make a move to remove your things from your backpack. You just stared straight ahead, hair drenched from the horrible weather outside and unshed tears pooling at your waterline.

One look at you and Jaemin’s teasing expression faded. He set his pen down, angling his body toward your seat. “Are you okay?” Jaemin almost slapped himself, it was obvious you weren’t.

You raised the damp sleeve of your sweater to wipe at your face, “Sorry I’m late, Jaemin.” Your voice was raw and croaky, he was sure you were going to get sick. “I slept in my car.”

The male blanched, eyebrows shooting to his hairline. Jaemin was sensitive enough to keep his voice low and careful, trying to coax the answers to his many questions from you. “Why, What happened?”

You sniffled quietly, fighting the urge to curl into yourself and hide. “My housemates locked me out again.” Jaemin’s expression softened, his hand reaching over to tuck your wet hair behind your ear. “Then my car broke down on the way to campus.”

Jaemin had heard about how your housemates were. You’d ranted to him in many lessons about what they were like. The only reason you were all housed together was through the private landlord student accommodation scheme set up for students who didn’t want the dormitory life.

He knew full well that it was a popular-eat-nerd food chain out there and he was grateful his grandma paid his rent for him - Always grandma’s favorite boy. It only took a few more of those incidents for Jaemin to offer his precious games room. He proposed a very convincing argument.

“Look, It’s a steal!” He exclaimed, “No rent and we just split the rest of the utilities and grocery costs, your own room, closer to campus, and me!” Jaemin flashed you his pearly whites at his winning argument.

“I can’t just take up your space like that, Jaemin.” You sighed, as much of an amazing offer it was… You didn’t want it out of pity.

“We’ll probably barely see each other! We can split the chores and work something out.”

It was safe to say you ended up caving into the offer. Any college student would snatch up the deal of accommodation with no rental costs.

Jaemin sat open-mouthed as you bobbed your head in agreement with the idea. “Hm, Yang’s right. I’m the only girl you know that won’t get violent when Hyuck acts like a douche.” You sat back in your chair, swiping Jaemin’s iced coffee from the table and taking a sip through the straw.

“I’m sorry, what?” He spluttered, “Hyuck gets attached, clingy. What if he likes you?” Jaemin’s worries were irrelevant to everyone else but him.

Jaemin didn’t like the idea of Donghyuck catching feelings but he supposed he may be acting on possessive instinct. He shook his head, avoiding the look Yangyang was giving him. It was like the guy was trying to analyze his expressions and read his mind. He felt momentarily exposed.

“Speak of the devil and he shall appear,” You snickered, “Donghyuck, sit.”

Hyuck brushed off his barista apron, shoving his order pad into one of the large pockets in the front as he sat at the vacant chair at the table. You sat up from your slouched position in your chair, sliding Jaemin’s coffee back over to him - the cup being halfway empty by now.

“Show me what you got.” You tapped the table with your hand.

You, Jaemin, and Yangyang watched as Hyuck ran a hand through his hair, his left eye dropping into a wink that could only be described as cringe when he leaned forward toward you. “Are you a transformer?” He paused a moment, long enough to give an over-exaggerated lip bite, his flirty gaze running up and down your torso. “ ‘Cause you’re Optimus fin-” His confidence was harshly broken as you mocked the sound of a loud buzzer.

“Pickup lines don’t work anymore, Dude.” You crossed your arms over your chest. “That was- …. I don’t actually have words for how bad that truly was.” Donghyuck’s face fell.

“Technically, we’re skipping step one because you already kind of know ____. So, step one is ‘befriend’. If she was a stranger you’d have just failed miserably.” Jaemin said to his friend, lifting his coffee to inspect the cup of the missing liquid.

“Alright, What’s step two?” Hyuck shrugged, looking expectantly at his friends.

STEP TWO: GET TO KNOW

Back when you had first moved in with Jaemin, the two of you were more than awkward. It felt odd for each of you to see each other in your most vulnerable states. At home. In class things were different, that was a side of you that prepared to go out and face the day, a social mask slipping in place.

It took just one instance to get over the hurdle of timidness between you both. One Saturday, Jaemin had just gotten back with the groceries, the list crumpled in one of the bags he was hefting. You were leaning against the breakfast bar in the kitchen, a mug of coffee - specifically a Chocolate Mocha from a sachet - cupped in your hands.

Once all of the bags were strewn over the kitchen counter and the floor surrounding the fridge, you set your mug in the sink and began helping.

“Oh, no way!” You gasped, holding up the box of frozen desserts. “Two-ball-screwballs?” Jaemin looked up from shoving frozen food into the freezer drawers, a surprised smile on his face.

“Yeah! My mom used to get them for me every Friday after school.” He shut the drawer he was working on.

“I thought they were discontinued!” You gushed, tearing open the box and removing the cone-shaped cup. “I love these.”

Jaemin’s shoulders perked, his eyes brightening. “You’re kidding! My friends think they’re low tier.” He took the box from you, removing one of the plastic cones for himself and putting the rest into the freezer to save them from melting.

“Low tier? Your friends are low tier.” You scoffed jokingly, peeling off the top.

Jaemin rose to his feet, accepting the teaspoon you offered to him. “I’ll pay you ten to say that to Chenle’s face.” He chuckled, diving his spoon into the red cherry slush.

“What other gems are you hiding?” You questioned, spoon hanging from your mouth as you began to finish off the groceries with your free hand.

“Depends, do you like video games?” Jaemin lifted himself to perch on the breakfast bar.

“I like watching people play them,” You cast a glance back at your roommate. “I don’t have the hand-eye coordination for them.”

Jaemin hummed in thought, his gaze locked onto the dessert in his hand. “If I set up in the living room, do you wanna, maybe, watch me play?” He offered, discreetly peering up at you without lifting his head.

He watched you ponder over the idea a moment before nodding, “Sure.”

That night, you and Jaemin settled onto the couch with the controller firmly in his hand. You stared at the opening game screen ‘The Quarry’ glitching back at you. Jaemin had promised you that this wasn’t so much of a fast-paced game and more of a multiple choice.

“It’s a horror game-” He caught the look of unease on your face. “But it’s not that bad! It’s like a movie but you choose what happens and each option you choose alters the game path. It’s really cool!” The look on his face, as he describes one of his favorite games, will forever be your favorite expression on him.

His eyes light with excitement, and the controller drops to his lap as he uses elaborate hand gestures to explain the concept to you. There’s a feeling deep down that you want him to look like that whilst talking about you. But, that’s stupid, right? You’d only known him a few months at that point.

“Can you turn the subtitles on? I can’t hear a thing without them.” You nudged him with your elbow, prompting Jaemin to stare at you in amusement.

“If I wanted to read a book, I would.” He quipped, still navigating the settings to turn them on for you regardless.

You were only on the first chapter of the game and somehow you’d ended up scrunched up into Jaemin’s side, all awkwardness from before long gone. “No no! Don’t go down there, That’s just stupid!” You shouted, peeking up from his shoulder.

“____,” Jaemin laughed, “We have to, it’s the gameplay. We gotta follow Max into the cellar.” A hand left his controller to pat the top of your head.

You were both late for class the next day.

“Get to know them? How long will this take?” Donghyuck complained, a pout playing at his lips.

He wasn’t a patient man and quite honestly, this was taking longer than he had thought. You cast him a sharp look. “Hyuck, you said you wanted a girlfriend. A lot of work goes into the buildup.”

“Can’t you just date me and then I don’t have to get to know anyone?” He huffed, letting his forehead drop to the table.

His question earned him two abrupt shouts of “No!” Both Yangyang and you exchanged slightly shocked looks at how quickly Jaemin said it along with you.

“Ugh! Fine, so, I get to know them.” Donghyuck lifted his head. “Do I have to ask questions?”

A mumbled ‘He’s hopeless’ under your breath had you receiving two kicks under the table as Jaemin responded to the question. “Yeah, Ask about her hobbies, and family, know the basics, and find a niche to get into deeper conversation.”

“Noted. So, find things in common, then?” Hyuck voiced the question with slight uncertainty.

You grinned, tapping his arm to reward him. “Yeah, exactly!” You studied him a moment, face scrunched in thought. “Say… Hyuck, is there someone in specific you’ve got your eye on?” You questioned.

Hyuck laughed nervously, the three sets of eyes staring at him intently making him slightly nervous. See, Donghyuck always had an obvious tell when he was hiding something. First, eye contact became nonexistent. Then, he would over-blink, his friends joked that he’d take off if he blinked too fast. Lastly, the incoherent defense. Hyuck was doing all of those things.

“Do we need to teach you to lie as well?” Yangyang teased, jabbing his friend in the side.

“Speak for yourself, I don’t lie.” You spoke, pretending to inspect your nails until Jaemin’s snort of laughter cut across the table to you.

“Yeah, right. ____, who ate the last two-ball screwball?” He quipped, an eyebrow raised in challenge at you.

“Uhm, Luna.” It wasn’t Jaemin’s cat.

STEP THREE: GESTURES OF KINDNESS

It was rare for you to go out with your friends. It was rare for you to get drunk, too. You had declined an invitation to the neo-frat party for months, much to the disappointment of your friend. It was after four months of living with Jaemin that you found out he was going, only then did you finally accept the next invitation you received.

You’d spent all afternoon following your friends around the shopping plaza to find the right outfit. Your outfit was at your friends' house, you didn’t see the need to overdress for drinking in a stuffy frat house full of sweaty college kids.

The first glimpse of you Jaemin had caught that day was an hour into the party, the frat house in full swing. He’d been roped in to help set up, his friend Mark being a part of it and Hyuck being heavily involved. Jaemin had been looking for you all night and when he finally caught you, you were talking to Johnny.

Jaemin felt unsettled, though he had no choice who you spoke to. He kept glancing at you, hand gripping the solo cup tighter in his hand the more you laughed at Johnny’s jokes. You’d been drinking, that much was clear. Your cheeks a rosy red and your eyes slightly glazed with intoxication, Jaemin had caught onto how you swayed subtly on the spot, your hand gestures over-exaggerated, and your giggles that seemed to happen at everything Johnny said.

Jaemin’s gaze tore away from you when a hand waved in front of his face, his mind catching up with reality when he saw his best friend. “Jeno, sorry, didn’t hear you.”

Jeno gave his friend a knowing look, shaking his head. “You were staring, if you like her then tell her.” He shrugged, lifting his beer bottle to his lips to take a swig.

Jaemin frowned, his eyeline drawn to you once more as he shook his head. “It’s a bad idea, we live together.” As much as he hated to admit it, Jaemin wondered if inviting you to live with him was a mistake for this reason. “It’d be awkward if it didn’t work out, Jen.”

It’d taken Jaemin only one month of living with you to come to the conclusion that he was slowly becoming head over heels infatuated with you. He wasn’t entirely sure if it was love yet, but Jaemin knew you made him feel things that were an entirely new experience.

“If you’re so headstrong on it, make me a bet.” Jaemin’s attention was stolen away from you once more, his eyebrows scrunched in an expression that told Jeno that he wasn’t really listening at all. “If you end up dating by… let's say, the end of the academic year, then you have to get a tattoo.”

Jaemin gulped slightly, he wasn’t a fan of needles. But he was so sure he would be able to resist you. “Fine, if we don’t, you’ve got to get one. In a place of my choosing.” Jaemin mastered a grin, shaking Jeno’s hand to seal the deal.

When Jaemin turned back around, you or Johnny were nowhere to be seen. His mind’s implication of what it meant had his heart dropping into his stomach. He bitterly shook his head, downing the rest of the ‘special punch’ in his cup.

Jaemin went on with the party, utterly miserable at the thought of you holed up in one of the various upstairs bedrooms with Johnny. Of all people. You had to choose the biggest player out there. It was almost like Jaemin was walking around with his own cloud of self-loathing thundering over his head.

He’d thrown himself onto one of the lawn chairs that surrounded the outdoor pool, running a hand over his face. However, he soon froze when he spotted Johnny. The frat member was with Jaehyun and the frat leader, Taeyong. Jaemin noticed the absence of you immediately and it had him springing up from his seat with a slight stumble. Jaemin wasn’t drunk, he was just bordering the line between tipsy and lightly mellow.

Jaemin tapped urgently on Johnny’s shoulder, the older male turning to him with a doped-up smile. Johnny removed the joint from his mouth, offering it out to Jaemin with a hazed blink. “Where’s ____?” Was his immediate response.

Confusion clouded the elder's face for a moment before he laughed loudly. “Man, she’s wasted!” Jaemin gritted his teeth as a bout of smoke wafted in front of his face.

“Yeah, good to know.” He rushed out in exasperation. “Where?” Johnny’s smile dropped as he shrugged.

“Last I knew, she was asleep on the stairs.” Jaemin didn’t wait for any further explanation, bolting it back inside the house and to the sweeping staircase near the front door.

Sure enough, that’s where he found you. Your lips set into an adorable pout from where your head had hung in your slumber. Jaemin was certain that your neck would hurt in the morning if he didn’t take you home. Though, looking at you… Jaemin couldn’t fight the fond chuckle escaping him.

He knelt down at the bottom step, lifting his hand to gently sweep your hair back. His lips pursed as he took in the state of you, fingers tugging your t-shirt dress down your thighs from where it had risen in an attempt to shield your modesty. He squeezed your knee.

“____,” He called to you gently, a hand on your shoulder to lightly shake you awake. “____, c’mon. I’m taking you home.”

A groan left your closed lips, your body attempting to twist to the side as if you were casually rolling over in the comfort of your bed. Jaemin wouldn’t let you, firmly shaking your shoulder again. He sighed in relief when your eyes finally opened, squinting at the light.

“There she is.” He grinned, both hands moving to your cheeks to steady your lolling head.

Jaemin honestly couldn't help but grin in return for the drunk smile you gave him. It was like you were suddenly sprung with energy. “Jaemin!” You launched forward, both arms wrapping tight around his neck.

His hands had to settle on your back to stop you both from toppling over. Your roommate coaxed you to stand, brushing down the crumbs and dirt from your dress. Jaemin made you lean on the wall as he unzipped his hoodie and tied it around your waist.

“Okay, I need you to hold onto my neck… but not strangle me. You got that, ____?” He spoke slowly as if talking to a child because Jaemin had come to realize that’s exactly how drunk you were.

He left you on the second step, crouching down and patting his shoulder. It was embarrassing how many attempts it took to get you securely on Jaemin’s back but eventually, you succeeded in the climb.

The man carried you all the way across the campus and into the blocks of student housing like this. The whole way you were singing at the top of your lungs, Jaemin even joined in when you started singing Twice’s Fancy. He noted you got quieter at the end of your street and when your light snore hit his ear, he knew the reason why.

There was a struggle for him to unlock the front door with you still on Jaemin’s back. Trying not to let the three cats escape was an even bigger feat that Jaemin managed. He also managed to get you off his back, setting you down on your bed. Your shoelaces were already half undone in a loose tangle, Jaemin not having to work very hard to get your shoes and socks off your feet.

The brown-eyed man looked frantically around your room, spotting the cotton pads and micellar water on your desk. Gentle strokes of the cotton pad across your skin removed the smeared makeup on your face. Jaemin was amazed you didn’t wake up, especially when he got to your eyes.

His fingers lingered on your face, a sad smile gracing his lips. “I wish things were different, ____.” Jaemin shook his head with a sigh, dropping the used cotton pads into your trash can and setting them next to your bed.

With a glass of water and some Advil at your bedside, Jaemin gave into temptation and pressed a light, lingering kiss to the top of your head before tucking you in and parting from your bedroom.

“Acts of kindness?” Donghyuck echoed. “If I help her out at the library, does that count?”

“She works at the library?” Your mouth was covered by Donghyuck's palm.

“Don’t announce it to the whole coffee shop, ____!” He hissed, yanking his hand away and shaking it out when he felt something slimy brush across his palm. “Okay, ew.”

“Hm, that’d work, try something a little more meaningful though, Hyuck” Yangyang suggested as he stood, slinging his backpack over his shoulder. “I gotta go, botany class starts soon.”

The three of you echoed your goodbyes, turning back to the list on the table once your retreating friend was out of sight.

“So, your crush is one of the librarians?” Jaemin questioned, his face shriveling at his next thought. “Do not sit here and tell me that it’s Mrs. Choi...”

“Gross! No, she has warts on warts.” Hyuck shivered at the very thought of it. “She’s our age.”

Donghyuck could practically see the wheels turning in both of your brains as the two of you tried to work it out. He could also guess when yours and Jaemin’s thought waves seemed to of aligned. He found it slightly freaky how you seemed to have a full conversation with just a look.

“Oh, her.” You nodded your head in approval. “Good choice, Hyuck. She’s a friend of mine, really shy.” You hummed.

“You’re not gonna put in a good word for me, even if I ask… are you?” The man’s shoulders deflated as you shook your head.

“Alright then… What’s after the acts of kindness?”

STEP FOUR: COMPLIMENT TASTEFULLY

Jaemin remembers clearly the day he thought his heart jumped out of his throat and threw itself into the lake.

It was one of the rare occasions that he had invited you to hang out where his friends were - He wouldn’t admit but the only reason he did was that Jeno’s girlfriend was begging at his feet not to be the only girl. So, Jaemin invited you.

His eyes widened at the arctic sleeping bag you pulled from the trunk of your car. “Where did you get that?”

You gave a nonchalant shrug, “What do you think I used when I used to sleep in my car? Takeout wrappers?” His mouth snapped shut as you unzipped the door to your one-person tent, flinging the sleeping bag inside to deal with later. It was only when you had zipped your tent back up did you turn to him again. “Thanks for building the tent for me.” You beamed at him, your hand patting his shoulder in thanks.

“Thanks for driving all our stuff down here. I didn’t realize we had so much.” He glanced around at the half-set-up camp circle. “I should go and help Jisung-ie.”

The two of you went around separately, helping the group set things up, and come nightfall, the nine of you were crowded around the campfire. Jaemin wasn’t listening too much, the brunette was too preoccupied with the way your eyes shone in the moonlight and how the flame from the fire gave your skin a breath-taking glow. He nudged your side with his elbow subtly.

Jaemin was going to compliment you, he was going to tell you how beautiful you looked out there with nature but the words died on his tongue when you looked at him with your showstopping smile. All he could do was nudge the bag of marshmallows toward you.

There was a multitude of reasons why Jaemin couldn't tell you and reason number one was sat across from you both, staring at him with a pointed look across the dancing heat of the fire. Lee Jeno. Jaemin’s best friend nodded his head firmly in your direction, rolling his eyes when Jaemin just shook his head and broke eye contact.

The whole of the three days camping, Jaemin hadn’t had a minute alone with you. Not even on the drive back, with the other car full - Chenle had borrowed his mom’s six-seater - that left three people, including yourself, in your car. So, you, Jaemin, Renjun, and the luggage were in your little two-door car.

The both of you were relieved when you finally arrived home. As much as Renjun was the best company for a two-hour drive, all he did was complain about how little Donghyuck and Chenle helped pack away. It was nice to just have silence.

You had time for a shower and a nap and Jaemin had time to go through the plethora of photographs he took on the trip. He hadn’t realized he took so many, mostly of you. Jaemin stopped on one he took of you by the lake. You were posed beautifully, unaware of the camera pointed toward you. Your smile beaming, the way the sun encased you made you look almost ethereal. Your arm was lifted, eyes locked in fascination on a baby blue butterfly that landed on your index finger.

That was Jaemin’s favorite by far. He had no idea how long he had been staring at the image on his camera, nearly jumping out of his skin when your voice sounded close to his ear. You’d leaned over the back of the couch to take a look.

“Oh, I didn’t know you even took that.” You marveled.

“Hm, It’s one of my favorites.” He murmured quietly, glancing up to watch as you climbed over the back of the piece of furniture to sit next to him.

“The sun makes me look so cool!” You leaned further over, looking at the image in more detail.

Jaemin shook his head, handing the camera over to you. “Nah, You always look that pretty.” He’d said the sentence without thinking.

A light blush coated the apples of your cheeks. Jaemin hadn’t complimented you like this before, no matter how many times you’d longed to hear something like this from your roommate. Your heart was doing somersaults in your chest. You wondered for a moment if he meant it but when Jaemin didn’t comment any further on the matter you decided not to ask.

“Oh.” You had no idea what to say in response and Jaemin thought your newfound shyness at his compliment was well worth the slip-up.

From then on, Jaemin made sure to give you subtle compliments every so often. Taking personal satisfaction in the color of your cheeks and the shy smiles that would occur.

“And remember, Hyuck. No pickup lines.” Jaemin spoke slowly, hoping that it would get through his friend's head.

Donghyuck hummed in thought before eventually nodding in defeat. “No pickup lines. Not even one.”

Jaemin looked almost proud, giving his friend a light fist bump. “Go through the steps, I need to know you aren’t going to mess this up.”

Hyuck sighed, lifting the list to read out the steps so far. Both you and Jaemin sitting opposite him in anticipation. “Alright, Step one is befriending.” He thought a moment. “So, like, make a connection so we aren’t strangers?” He trailed off on a question, looking to your faces for confirmation.

If your grins were anything to go by, he was doing fine. “Step two is Get to Know.” He took a sip of his coffee, writing a few notes next to the bullet point. “Like, find out her hobbies, places she likes, TV shows, music, food, and maybe things about her family. That sort of thing.” He sounded confident enough with step two that you or Jaemin didn’t make a single comment.

Donghyuck cleared his throat, pausing on step three. “Gestures of kindness?” His confidence wavered. “Can’t we skip any steps?”

“No, No skipping, You got this, Hyuck. Think about it.” Jaemin was awed at the way you gently encouraged his friend. Jaemin and the rest of his friend group usually took the harsher approach, teasing him to no end.

“Alright,” Donghyuck looked visibly in thought for a moment. “Like offering her a ride home or… or staying behind to help her organize the shelves at the library?”

Jaemin hummed, nodding. “Yeah, if you can work out something more solid that would mean more to her then try that. Otherwise, I think that would work. Or bringing her lunch, If you know what she likes.”

“Got it,” Donghyuck scribbled down more notes. “Step four is Compliment Tastefully.” He looked back and forth between you two. “No pickup lines. But, natural?” He tilted his head at the question.

“Yep, Girls love to hear small compliments. About anything.” You offered, “How we’ve painted our nails? Our hair?” You listed off things for him to jot down on the paper, ending with; “Little and often.”

“Thanks, is that it?” Hyuck glanced down at his notepad again, a frown on his face. “None of this includes actually getting the title of boyfriend.”

“No, there are two more steps. The next thing is..”

STEP FIVE: INVITE OUT ( NOT A DATE )

Jaemin fought tooth and nail for these tickets. He had no idea how much they were going to cost nor how many people were biting to attend the event. He remembers when you scrolled through a TikTok of the exact same event but in Paris, beneath the Eiffel Tower.

The way your face lit up when you shoved the phone in his face, rambling about how cool it was. So, when Jaemin caught wind of there being an outdoor cinema on the hill hosted at your very own University campus over the break, he just had to get you there.

But, how would Jaemin get you there without you thinking that he went through so much trouble just to get you a ticket? He thought of telling you that he found them on the ground but that would be ridiculous. There was no way you’d believe that.

Jaemin thought about it the upcoming week of the event, until the day before. You’d entered the apartment, slamming the door behind you much harsher than Jaemin was used to. His head peeked up from over the back of the couch.

“____?” He was met with angry grumbling, and the thudding of your shoes being dropped onto the floor after taking them off. “You okay?”

“Why do people have to be the way that they are?” Your sudden question stunned him for a moment, Jaemin meekly shrugged.

“Good afternoon to you, as well.” He chuckled softly, rising from the couch and rounding the half wall to the kitchen. Already on autopilot to make you a drink.

“I tried to get tickets for Grease In The Park.” Jaemin froze with his hand mid-way in grabbing a glass from the shelf.

“Oh? Really? How did that go?” He cleared his throat to try and curb the nervous waver in his voice.

He glanced over into the living room, seeing you throw yourself onto the couch with a defeated frown on your face. “Someone said they were selling theirs, so I paid way more than I should have for them and they were fake!” You had every right to be pissed, you wasted money that you could be using for gas and next month's car insurance.

Jaemin visibly relaxed out of your eyeline, filling the glass with soda and walking back to set it on the coffee table in front of you. You peered up at his bright, toothy smile, your frown deepening when he laughed softly.

“I don’t see how this is funny, Jaemin.” You grumbled, your foot jutting out to hit the back of his knee. Jaemin only nudged your legs back to perch on the edge of the couch, fingers tugging open one of the drawers in the wooden coffee table.

He produced to you an envelope, raising an eyebrow as he waved it in front of you. “Just go with me.” He stated simply, “Jeno’s now going with his girlfriend. I got a spare ticket.”

He’d never seen you move so fast, snatching the envelope from his hands to peer inside. “Holy shit! You’re not joking? These are real?” You gasped, catching the holographic authenticity sticker on the tickets. “Jaemin, Oh my god!”

Jaemin let out a grunt as he was tackled by you, his back bracing his fall against the cushions. Jaemin stilled for only a moment until he relaxed, his arms winding around your back to gently pat along your spine. “Is that a yes?”

It was and the very next day you were flattening out a picnic blanket under a blossom tree on the hill. The perfect spot to get the best view. If anybody stood up, it wouldn't obstruct your view and it was perfect. You’d insisted that you and Jaemin pack a cooler of snacks and some sandwiches, and much to his surprise you’d packed a Two-ball Screwball each.

Jaemin honestly couldn’t recall the plot of the movie, you were amazed he had never seen Grease before. Even after watching it underneath the blossom tree in the greenery behind the University's main building, Jaemin couldn’t recite the storyline. All Jaemin could remember was watching you with stars in your eyes as you belted out the lyrics to nearly every song.

As the fading notes to You’re The One That I Want got quieter, you turned to him. Jaemin loved you like this, unapologetically you. Cheeks red from the excitement and singing, eyes wide and wondrous in the nature's air. And then you floored him, leaning over to press a meaningful kiss to his cheek.

His lips parted in surprise, his own giddy smile widening as you pulled back an inch to look at him. “Thanks, Jaemin.” You whispered between you. “This has been the best movie theatre experience ever.” and with that, you tugged the spare blanket around the both of you, naturally hugging into Jaemin’s side.

Jaemin complained before about the effort to get the tickets but in that moment he vowed that he would do it again ten times over just to relive this moment.

“You’ve got to make it sentimental. Somewhere she’s always wanted to go but don’t overdo it.” Jaemin pointed at Hyuck in a warning.

“Don’t overdo it? How much do you think this place pays me?” He snorted, gesturing to the coffee shop the three of them had been sitting in since Hyuck’s shift ended two hours ago.

“They’d probably pay you more if you did your job and stopped giving us free coffee.” You shrugged, poking at Donghyuck’s shoulder.

“I’m not even on shift right now!” Donghyuck protested, slapping his hand down on the table. “Do you really want me to start charging you for coffee?”

Jaemin’s lips tugged into a fond smile, letting his friends argue as he slid the paper and pen back toward himself to write the final two steps. He stared at it for a few moments, glancing up at you only once before nodding his head and flipping the paper face down.

Your playful stint with Donghyuck ended as Jaemin stood from his seat, slinging his backpack over his shoulder. “I’ve written the last two steps down.” He began, avoiding your eyes. “I got class in fifteen.”

Jaemin swiftly left you both sitting there, Hyuck already scrolling on his phone when you nudged him. “Aren’t you going to look at step six and seven?” You nudged the paper toward him.

“Eh, read ‘em to me.” Donghyuck shrugged, glancing up at you from his game.

You rolled your eyes, reaching over for the paper. You flipped it over, skimming over the last two steps. Your heart stilled, your body seizing in shock as your brain caught up.

“Oh my god, I’m an idiot.” You whispered, Donghyuck finally glancing over to you.

“I could have told you that, but why?” His head shoved into your eyeline to look at the paper.

‘STEP SIX: WAIT FOR HER TO NOTICE’

“So? Why are you an idiot?” He looked puzzled, eyeing your frozen form carefully.

“Look at this list,” You wave it almost frantically. “Jaemin has done every single one of these things for me.”

“Oh, Yeah. That’s cause he’s in love with you.” Your friend said casually, your head snapping in his direction.

“What?” You choked in disbelief, dropping the list to the table once more.

“I’m surprised you haven’t caught on yet,” Hyuck laughed, “Kinda tragic if you ask me, unrequited love and all.” He yelped when he received a smack to the forearm.

“It’s not unrequited!” It was almost comical how his eyes widened at your exclamation.

“Then go and find him, look at step seven.”

STEP SEVEN: CONFESS

You left the coffee shop in a clumsy mess, nearly headbutting the door on your way out. Honestly, you were beating yourself up over this. Just how long had you been tiptoeing around each other like this? How long had Jaemin been waiting for you to notice?

Of course, there were some intrusive thoughts shoved into the chaos of your mind. Like; What if you were overlooking this? What if Hyuck was lying? What if Jaemin had gotten bored of waiting for you and moved on already?

You skidded to a stop at your front door, suddenly remembering he wasn’t home. Jaemin was in class for at least two hours and you’d just run all the way back to the apartment to confess to him. However, with one whiff of your body, whilst taking your shoes off, you were glad he wasn’t home yet. It allowed you to shower, do your hair, and spritz some of your favorite perfume over yourself.

When Jaemin arrived home, he found you pacing the length of the living room. He wondered if you’d wear the carpet out at this rate. “Did Hyuck understand the last two points okay?” The question hung in the air as he straightened from removing his shoes.

Jaemin knew that this was make or break. You either caught on to his subliminal message or it went right over your head and he would have to revoke the entire list. Though, the look you gave him at that moment said you understood very well.

“How long?” Your voice was a mere whisper, fingers tangling amongst themselves as your feet came to a stop at the end of the couch.

Silence. Jaemin said nothing, his backpack falling from his shoulder to make a dull sound on the carpet. He rubbed the back of his neck nervously, Jaemin was having trouble reading your expression. He wasn’t sure if the tears that were overspilling your eyes were a good thing or not. His teeth bit into his cheek.

“Jaemin, how long?” You moved in closer, your voice was desperate.

“A… a while.” He mumbled. “Too long,” He shook his head, suddenly finding the stain on the carpet much more interesting than the tears that spelled the pain on your face.

You sniffled, closing the gap between you to gently cup his cheeks with your palms and lift his gaze back onto yours. Jaemin caved, leaning into your loving touch with eyes fluttering closed. Warm hands cupped over your own.

“Please,” You’d never heard such vulnerability in Jaemin’s voice. “Let me down gently, ____.”

Jaemin’s eyes opened slowly, already feeling the numbness of rejection seep into his bones. But, you just shook your head with a watery smile. It made him hurt more, his first thought wondering if you were intentionally going to make him suffer for this.

“Oh, Jaem, I don’t plan to let you down at all.” Your whispered words were like a wash of color in skies of grey.

Jaemin’s breath of relief relaxed his shoulders and he wasted no time in connecting your lips. His kiss was gentle, surprisingly so for how long he had been waiting for you. Your lips were soft and he could taste the remanence of the drink you’d had earlier. Your lips slotted over Jaemin’s like they were made to be there, like a missing puzzle piece. It felt right.

It was you who pulled away first, slowly opening your eyes to smile shyly at him. “I love you, Jaemin.”

“I love you, ____”

©acescavern, Please do not copy, repost, or translate my works. Reblogging is allowed.

loving fwb dreamies ii. ˏˋ°•*⁀➷

・❥・ suggestive 18+, angst, fluff, emotional… checks all the boxes & thank you for requesting @hwaflms 🖤

・❥・ jaemin, chenle, jisung

Cake or Crown

Pairing: Crowned Prince! Jaemin x Baker! Reader

Genre: fluff, angst

Warning/s: mentions of death, slightly suggestive

Word count: 11.4K

Synopsis: Long ago, lived a Prince, who was loved by not only his family, but his nation too. Being an only child came with more responsibilities than just being a crowned-prince. Hoping to find an escape, Jaemin found a girl, who also happened to bake him the best birthday cake he ever had.

a/n: Happy Birthday Hye @baejso ❤️!! Thank you for letting me have this opportunity through your collab. It was my first time working on a One-Shot, I hope it's not boring. I'm so excited to share this.

Liking someone at first sight isn't an unusual thing. But the fact that you liked a prince -the only Prince of your kingdom, was quite amusing.

You had no idea who that pretty stranger was when you had first time seen him in one of the shops, surrounded by a crowd. When you learned that he was a prince, rather than feeling upset, you felt excited. In the given chance, you would desperately try to search for him as the King made a visit to the market -only to be left in agony as he, the Prince never made an appearance with his father outside the castle.

Being a mere baker, you had no hopes of meeting the prince, moreover seeing him. You even wondered if he doesn't like being outside the castle as he was rarely ever seen. Hence, you couldn't believe the stranger who bumped into you -making you trip, was none other than Jaemin, The Prince.

"Oh my," he looked at you surprised as you struggled to get up, still not believing he was real.

You immediately started to pick up the goods that fell with you and as expected, Jaemin helped you. Once you picked all of it, you finally took a breath of relief and looked at him.

He was really there, in front of you.

"I, I'm sorry," he apologized when he caught you staring at him.

You couldn't muster up a word and only nodded in response. Right before you could bow, you realized he wasn't with his guards like he should and his attire wasn't, fancy either. Most probably because he wasn't there as a prince.

You looked away, deciding to continue your journey to the shop, still unsure that what just happened, wasn't a dream.

"Quite heavy stuff, you're holding all alone," he commented and was about to turn away when he heard you speak. "Then just help me carry them."

That was quite a bold statement, coming from a shy girl.

Jaemin had no intentions of sharing the burden, so he regretted saying what he said earlier. But now that you had said, no, told him to help you, he couldn't deny. He had no reason to.

So there you were, waking with someone you'd look from afar and tried to get a peak of –as you both headed towards the bakery.

"What's in all these boxes?" Jaemin was the first one to break the silence.

"Oh, these are the ingredients for the bakery I work at."

"And what is this place?" He stopped in his tracks and looked around.

"Oh, this is Riverview," you stopped and turned to him, "This is the long cut actually. A shop is being renovated from where I usually go. I even had problem while coming from there."

A small oh was all he muttered before you both continued to walk, Jaemin's eyes not looking away from the river.

You couldn't help but admire him and his walking form. He was indeed different from all the commoners; the way he walks, the way he talks. His eyes; they looked so pretty up close, and light, in the sun.

Jaemin felt your gaze and turned to look at you, only for you to look away and stumble in surprise, "oh my," you were glad neither the things nor you fell, but you did make fool of yourself, in front of Jaemin.

"Are you alright–?"

"Yes, I am." You sighed and straighten your posture before you both continued walking. The long cut wasn't as long, only crossing the Riverview it was. But the path felt longer as you were accompanied by none other that, the Prince.

"I haven't really seen you around actually," you clarified, if he was curious to why you were staring at him.

"Yes, I, don't really go out often." His reply was simple and short, but you didn't wish for him to be quite the whole time.

"Do you like sweets?" You question probably took him by surprise, judging from his expression. He nodded. "You should visit our bakery someday then."

He stopped for a moment and looked at you, "Sure," and continued.

"What is your favorite flavor?"

"Nothing in particular," he looked over his shoulder, in your curious eyes and smiled slightly, "coffee and vanilla."

Coffee it is, then.

You nodded, smiling ear to ear.

It didn't take long for you both to reach the stop, "The bakery is on the next street, I can take it from here." Jaemin handed you the goods without a word. Not like this was initially what he had planned to do probably. "If you go from this street, you'll reach the main area. But if you plan on going to the east side again, I'll prefer not going from here because–"

"Of the renovation?" He completed your sentence. You nodded. "Sure thing, I'll just go from where we came." Without a word again, he walked back from where you both just came.

"Did I make him uncomfortable?" You wondered and made your way into the bakery as his back disappeared from your view.

Meeting the Prince was an unexpected encounter and you should probably be thanking the Heavens for it, but you couldn't help feeling joyed yet iffy at the same time. Obviously it was your first –and maybe, maybe the last meeting ever, so you wouldn't expect him to talk to you, but you were glad you made efforts and happen to ask him about his favorite flavor. This was definitely the chance, fate had offered you.

————❁————❁————❁————

Being a prince isn't as easy or luxurious as it may seem. It was harder especially if one is an Only Prince. Jaemin was one. He had an older brother who happen to pass away at birth. So Jaemin's birth was --- itself.

Being an obedient, kind and loyal prince, Jaemin wasn't only praised by his family but also the visitors and commoners who had met him.

Studying, training, meeting various people, and taking care of kingdom affairs. In the end, it all required some rest for the prince too. And Jaemin's ways of rest were similar to of others in palace. Some time alone with himself, going out but, as a commoner so that he can relax and not be the centre of attention, and visiting places he hadn't seen before.

Being an only child may seem nice, since many assume that the Prince had all the love of everyone in the castle and he was spoiled. But that wasn't the case with Jaemin. Afraid that his fate would be similar to his sibling, his parents had always been cautious of him and so was everyone in the palace. He wasn't allowed to play with his cousins after he had once injured his knee for Prince Jeno pushed him accidentally. He was also under the threat of his cousins, so drifting apart was also the part of his growing up process. And then again, as a Crowned Prince, the King and Queen couldn't even trust a servant with their Prince.

Jaemin's escape was the beauty of nature, and his favorite day was, his birthday.

He had the freedom to do anything he wanted to and unlike other days, he'd have a special lunch with all the family members, his cousins, plus the servants and people of the nation would be given small gifts to celebrate his day.

"Come in," Jaemin answered in his sleepy voice as Donghyuck entered the room and smiled while bowing to his friend,

"Good morning, and happy birthday, your highness."

Jaemin smiled back, eyes half open as he ran a hand though his hair and looked around. "It's that day already?"

Donghyuck nodded, "You had a pretty rough practice yesterday. Did you get a good night's sleep?"

Jaemin nodded and stood up from the bed, "Then, shall we go and get ready?"

The prince had always been treated well and given special attention. But this day was more special to him.

After the cake cutting ceremony, lunch and evening gathering with more people (who Jaemin wasn't comfortable with, but had to attend since he's the Prince), Jaemin returned to his room and fell on the bed.

"Are you tired, you highness?"

"What's with this 'your highness' suddenly?" Jaemin supported his wright on his arms and looked up at Donghyuck.

He chuckled, "Well, it's your highness's special day, that's the least I can do."

"I told you to just call me Jaemin when we're alone. Regardless of your position, you know I'll always treat you as a friend."

"What was today's fun part, Jaemin?" Donghyuck asked.

"The cake," Jaemin sat up properly, "it was the best by far. I wanted to have more of it."

"It was," he nodded and roamed around the prince's room, stopping by the glass door of the balcony, "You're tired, so get a good rest, and here, take this."

Jaemin took the papers from his friend, "What's this?"

"Cards," he replied cutely, "and maybe love letters."

Jaemin laughed, "Love letters?"

"Didn't you see the visitors' daughters fawning over you?"

"Okay, stop. You too, leave," he dropped on the bed again, "Good night."

"Good night, your highness."

"You–"

Jaemin wasn't interested in reading any of his birthday cards. It was something childish to him. But he still decided to check them in case he got one from a guest who had failed to visit. Then they could've just wrote a letter. He thought to himself and decided to ignore the rest of the cards until his eyes landed on a familiar name. Rather than a name, the card had an initial in the front.

"Where have I seen this?" He examined the symbol but decided to open it up, to confirm the sender.

Happy Birthday, to our beloved Prince. I hope you enjoyed your coffee and vanilla cake. Made with high quality ingredients and special care, by excellent bakers.

And on the very corner, a small handwriting wrote, From, the girl who forgot to thank you for helping her bring the ingredients safely.

"So that's why the initial seemed familiar." Jaemin couldn't help but laugh at the card, he was glad he opened it to read. If not, he wouldn't have known, that the girl who had recently caught his attention was the one who baked him his favorite cake ever.

————❁————❁————❁————

You were working as usual; kneading the dough, sifting the flour, and more of what you've been used to do since a young age.

It's been two weeks since you last met the Prince, and almost eight days since you wrote him a birthday card -you regret. It wasn't even about regret, but how ashamed you'd feel if he happened to actually read it–

"No, no, no," you shook your head, "he won't read it."

"The card?"

"Oh my!" You turned to look at your friend and co-worker who just came, "Good morning to you too Yoona."

She giggled and came to stand to in front of the table you were making small dough balls over. "Are you still thinking about it."

You sighed, "I can't help it."

"Why did you– No. What did you even write in it that you're so uneasy."

You shook your head, "There's nothing like that. I told you it's hardly three lines long."

"Then stop worrying about it and pass me the dough." You gave Yoona the dough as she made buns with you.

She was right, you'd been wondering about the card ever since you sent it with the cake.

Yoona was your one and only friend. A childhood friend in particular. You both grew up together and were no less than sisters. Even the bakery you worked at was owned by her parents. You'd never really hid anything from her. She was even aware of the incident with the Prince -the incident she denied to believe in. But at least Yoona trusted you enough to convince her mother to change the coco flavored buttercream frosting to coffee and the cake sponge to vanilla.

You frowned, "We didn't get any news from the castle, did we?"

Yoona tched, "You're still stuck over it? Don't worry, y/n, not like we had poisoned the cake or anythin– "

The sound of the bell cut her off and she ran outside the kitchen to greet the customer.

She was right again, you were overthinking, that's it. Whereas the card…"He probably didn't read it," you shook off the thoughts, "It's a good morning, I should be relaxed as well."

Hours passed baking, and finally it was your time to rest as Yoona went to deliver an order.

The bakery owner, Yoona's mother, would usually visit when the bakery got busy, as she didn't live too far from work. You'd work nonstop in the morning so that you're free afterwards and Yoona would usually do the deliveries and often you'd too. That was your routine.

The bell resounded and you immediately put your teacup aside, "Welcom–…"

"I see, I'm at the right place."

You couldn't believe that your eyes were seeing, The Prince, this close, for the second time. Feeling shocked, you stood still like a statue as Jaemin entered the shop and walked ahead.

"Are you just going to stand there?" His question brought you out of you faze and you immediately bowed to him.

But wait, he's here as a commoner again. Or did he read the card? Was bowing so low alright–?

"You may rise," he nodded and it just confirmed your suspicion.

"So, you knew who I–" he was cut off as the door opened again.

"I'm back–OH," Yoona bowed instantly as well, "Greetings to the Prince!"

"You may rise."

Yoona looked at you surprised, her eyes clearly asking what's happening?, And for you, you still stood in the same spot, eyes avoiding the Prince and even Yoona.

–

"So, you knew who I was, right?"

You nodded to the Prince's question.

Both of you were now outside the shop and also a little away from the more populated part. It would've been awkward to talk in Yoona's presence even if she knew what had happened.

"I apologise for the way I acted back then. I had no intentions of making the Prince feel uncomfortable, but the goods were literally heavy." It was true you had no intentions of making him feel uncomfortable, but you aren't sure about the latter, since you have previously brought heavy goods to the shop all by yourself too.

"Right," he nodded, "Thank you for the cake though. I enjoyed it."

"It's my pleasure," you bowed your head, "We only did what we were asked to."

"But you know, I didn't come here for any explanation," he said, making you nervous for moment. "I wanted to buy something from your shop."

There was a sudden change in your expression, as it glowed and you nodded excitedly, "It'll be an honor."

Jaemin smiled, "Hm… What is you name?"

"Y/n, Y/n," Jaemin smiled lightly as he took another bite from the sweet he held. "Her name is as pretty as her."

"Who?"

"Donghyuck," Jaemin patted the space besides him, "here."

Donghyuck sat by the prince and took the sweet he offered, "Where did this come from?"

"I brought it on my way back today."

"Oh, really?" He asked mouthful, "You don't really buy edibles from the market."

"Well," Jaemin stared at the flowers in front of him as he sat on a bench, in the castle, "looked pretty."

————❁————❁————❁————

Was that a dream?

You've been asking the same thing, every other while, because you couldn't believe that the Prince visited you– no, not you, but your shop, himself, and even liked the cake you participated in making. Even Yoona didn't believe it. But she was actually glad you did what you did.

You've been smiling a lot, and all your tension about the card had vanished when he asked your name.

"I must've really done something nice for this to happen to me."

Indeed, not everyone is lucky enough to catch the attention of someone they like– the Prince specially– the way you did. But it was all because of fate. If only he didn't bump into you that day–

"Greetings to the pri–"

"Quite!" Jaemin cut you off and you looked up at him in surprise, your eyes wide open.

It's been a few days since you last saw him. But still, seeing the Prince outside your shop was unexpected and compelling.

"Don't you get it? I don't plan on getting recognized right now." He put down his hand, he had outstretched to quite you down.

You lightly muttered an 'oh' and nodded, "Alright," and placed a finger on your mouth.

Jaemin chuckled at the gesture and copied you, doing the same.

"Why don't you come in Prin-? My bad..."

"I'm not here to buy anything today though?"

You frowned lightly, "Then, how I can I help you?"

"Do you know any other place, like Riverview..?"

Now who would've expected that you'd be sitting on the hill, under a browning tree, at an ordinary evening? Not even your angles could've guessed.

"Have you really not visited this place, ever?"

Jaemin shook his head.

"Quite surprising, because this is one of the most common spots for someone who just wants to take a breath, away from all the crowd or chaos."

Jaemin opened his eyes and turned to look at you, "I haven't really been to different places other than the market."

"Understandable," you nodded, breaking the eye contact, "The market itself is quite big, you can kill a lot of time just roaming here and there."

"That's the thing, I don't just want to just wander, I want to explore," he motioned to the scenery in front, "More places like this."

"Well then, I guess you've found the right person. I know about places not everyone in the kingdom knows about– sorry!"

"What…why?"

You bowed again, "I apologise for being arrogant all of a sudden. You sure must have a lot of people to help you out but I just–"

"No," he interrupted, "I want you to do it... Will you show me more?"

————❁————❁————❁————

Jaemin didn't visit often. His visits were usually after more than a week.

Understandable.

He was a prince who had to deal with lots of stuff in the castle and with his training, it only got delayed. But whenever he visited, it would make you feel happy, excited, and a bit nervous too. Everytime you saw him in front of you, it was hard to believe it wasn't a dream.

"Don't call me prince, and be comfortable around me. That's how I'll be at ease too." He had told you when you continued to stop mid sentence, saying prince.

You had taken him to three places he had never been, but he had visited you four times. One in which he just sat with you near the River at dusk and talked about why he liked being out in his free time and go to places he has never been.

"I just know, that this place is more than I've seen, a lot more. So I want to see as much as I can, before…" he paused.

"Before?"

"As I grow older, I'm ordered to go to different places, other's borders, that are a threat to our kingdom and can't be settled with just talking," he turned to look at you, "I can be badly hurt too. So, I want to explore more while I can…with you."

You didn't have a proper reply for him, and simply stared back. A small smile appearing as you both looked away shyly.

This is how it was. You both didn't meet a lot. But all these meetings left a warmness within, none could ignore. The shared smiles, walking closely and the last time he held your hand.

You stared at your hand and tossed in your bed, smiling ear to ear at the thought.

Did he feel the same way as you? Because you've liked Jaemin since the first time you saw him. But what he does, can it be counted as him returning the feelings?

You turned again and faced Yoona who was sound asleep in her bed, in the same room as you. She knew, That you'd met the prince more than once. She didn't know, That you'd taken the Prince to places secretly and how you'd been feeling. To her, all you felt was nothing but a small attraction towards the Prince, in which you weren't alone -as more girls of the kingdom found him handsome.

"I wonder what is really between us?"

The shop bell redounded and a smile made its way onto your face as someone special came in. "Jisung! You're back." You hugged him lightly and backed away to look at him properly, "Even grew taller."

He laughed and nodded, "Right, it's been a while."

You pulled him to sit on a chair and sat in front of him, "A while? You came after almost five months."

Jisung lived at the very west side of the kingdom with his father, which was mostly occupied by men, working at the shore, fishing and trading. As he now had more responsibilities over him –living with only his father and older brother, he would come to the main area less often then before.

"I know. But this time I'm here for a while. I won't go back just after a week."

"Really? That's great," you beamed, "Let me get you something to eat."

Yoona joined you and Jisung soon after and your evening was filled with stories of the west side, Jisung excitedly told.

After Yoona, Jisung was your only friend. You both were the same age and grew up together till the age of 8, before his mother passed away. And he and his brother started to live by the shore with their father. He'd never forget to visit you with a gift whenever he came and after all those years, the lad you'd tease, that he was shorter than you, became an attractive, tall boy.

The sun set and rose, and you wore light pink clothes, matching the beads in the bracelet Jisung gave you.

Today also happened to be the day, you already knew Jasmin would come. Unlike previous days where his visits were unforeseen.

It was your duty to open the shop and start the day.

"Jisung? You're here at this hour."

He hummed, "I don't have much to do right now. I'm not even used to sleeping till late." He entered the shop with you but stopped and he held your hand, looking at the bracelet, "This suits you."

"I know, its really pretty." You smiled and made it into the kitchen with him following behind, "Since you don't have anything to do, and Yoona will come late, wanna bake with me?"

Jisung beamed as he agreed and started to help you. When you taught him how to mix the ingredients well and knead the dough properly, he felt the joy he hadn't in a very long time and you felt at ease too, not even hearing someone entering the shop, until Jisung stopped to look at the person.

You followed his gaze and paused as you saw none other than the Prince. The open curtains of kitchen helped you to work and bake at the same time when you were alone, so you could see Jaemin properly even if he was at the entrance.

Right, he was supposed to come today.

"Welcome," you moved towards him, "W-would you like–"

"I came to wrong place," Jaemin left without a word as you stared at the closed door with wide eyes.

"Y/n?"

"Oh, yes," you shook your head and came back to him, laughing it off, "What a start."

Jisung left in an hour, baking his very first batch of bread and a mini cake.

Yoona also came soon and that's when you handed her the rest of the work for a while and ran out in case the Prince was still there.

He wasn't.

You couldn't see him anywhere near, though it was obvious you were trying to find someone. It took you quite a while to reach the hill, it was tiresome. But it was also worth the effort as a very familiar back came in sight. This was the last place you both visited together.

"Pr- Jaemin," you mumbled and stopped besides him, placing a hand on your knees and huffed.

He turned to look at you and smiled, "You came."

You both didn't get to go anywhere that day. You were tired, and the sun was about to set when you reached. So you just sat besides him, wrapped in comfortable silence as you both looked at the orange sky.

"You look pretty today," he commented out of the blue.

"Oh, thank you." You turned your face away and smiled widely. It truly felt nice to get a compliment from him.

"Also, nice, bracelet."

You looked at your wrist and back at him, "Jisung gave it to me– oh, the boy you saw earlier in the bakery. He's my childhood friend, Jisung."

"Is it fun?" He dropped on his back and laid on the grass, "Baking together?"

"It's an occupation for me -something I like to do. So it's fun, even if I do it alone." You copied him.

"Then bake with me too, someday."

"Why did he smile like that?" You couldn't forget Jaemin's face, the way he smiled, and he was so close to you.

How can you not believe it was more than a simple smile. It definitely had a meaning behind it.

You sighed, "Yoona, are you up?" You heard her hum. "What if someone smiles very sweetly at you? Like very sweet and just, you know that–"

"It was Jisung, right?" She sat up straight, eyes wide open as if she wasn't dying to get to her bed half an hour ago.

"What–?"

"Right? It was him–!"

"No, Yoona stop!" You brought your hands in front of her face to stop her from saying anything further. "No it's not him. And can you quite down?!" You whisper yelled at her.

She frowned, "Not him? Then who?"

"Answer a question with an answer. Not another question."

"Well, obviously I don't know who he is, so if he smiles like that to everyone, it's not a big deal but if he doesn't smile like that to others, he probably likes you."

You looked at your lap and remembered all the times Jaemin had smiled at you in awe as you spoke and sometimes he didn't even listen and just stared at you.

"Who is it?"

You dropped on the bed again and turned your back at her, "Later."

"Tell me–!"

"Later! Just sleep..."

————❁————❁————❁————

"She was again with that boy, Jisung, today." Donghyuck reported to the Prince.

That's what he usually would do. He'd be with Jaemin most of the time and do whatever Jaemin asked him to. But when the Prince would be told to go with his army to dangerous places, Donghyuck would stay in the castle –even if he's enough skilled, and Jeno would then accompany Jaemin, one of the strongest Knights of all.

"Good work, you may leave."

"Jaemin, are you alright? You look way too tired today. You didn't even have practice," Donghyuck asked, concern filled in his voice.

"I'm fine, just feeling under the weather I guess."

As told, Donghyuck left so that Jaemin could rest, but he didn't understand what -and why, was the Prince bothered.

As the King fell a little sick, Jaemin became busier and didn't have time to even step outside in the garden to take a breath.

"Jisung…" Jaemin muttered. The boy had been bothering him since he saw you both in the bakery together. And in the previous days, Donghyuck had told him about Jisung meeting you, when he was ordered by Jaemin to let him know how you were doing.

Donghyuck was surprised too, when he learned that the Prince wanted him to update him about a young baker. Even though friends, he didn't bother asking Jaemin the details as he had already been stressed about his father's health.

It wasn't just Donghyuck who was confused. But Jaemin himself didn't know why he was so bothered by Jisung. Or in general, why he wanted to know if you were alright.

Maybe he just needed to make things clearer and find answers to his own questions.

————❁————❁————❁————

The King was sick. As far as you could say, it was a rumor, like a lot of times before. But the fact that Jaemin didn't visit you in more than two weeks worried you. And it would be a lie to say you didn't miss him.

You missed him.

A lot.

Even if you both didn't meet often, being with him felt amazing itself. You felt joyed and honoured to be honest.

So why didn't he come? Was it really related to the King? Or he just didn't wish to visit you when he came to the market.

There were a lot of questions you had. Not just for the Prince, but you couldn't understand yourself either.

"Didn't think I'd run into you here," you heard a familiar voice on your way back to the bakery.

"Jaemin," you turned to look at the face you've been dying to see and smiled, "been a while."

He nodded and started to walk with you, "I had somethings to deal with."

"I was worried when you didn't show up for days. I even thought you were avoiding me."

He chuckled and shook his head, "Why would I?"

You slightly smiled and looked at the ground before looking up at him again, "I missed you."

He stopped, tilting his head lightly, "Why-?"

"I like you,"

And it just happened. You said that without thinking but you didn't want to regret it. And looked away immediately. "I mean- I just-"

"Say that again."

"Huh..?" Your eyes met again and when you realized he was expressionless, you sighed, "…I like you."

"Y/n," it was the first time he said your name. From the day you had told him, till this moment, he'd never addressed you with your name. "I missed you too."

Just like before, not even your angels would've expected the Prince to move forward and embrace you lightly.

You've never been so thankful for the area near your bakery to be less crowded. Or else you were sure this would've never happened.

He backed away even before you could react but a smile you didn't realize that was on your face, made Jaemin smiled wider.

He left right after with a low 'see you again', and as always, you only stood there speechless, looking at his back disappear.

You may not have done anything physically, but you heart was tired from beating so fast, and your mind was done answering the most important question;

He felt the same.

————❁————❁————❁————

This time you brought some food when you both went to a very special place.

"Isn't this the old housing area?" Jaemin asked as he followed you, shoulders brushing together, a comfortable silence surrounding you both.

"Yes. Have you been here before?"

"I've only passed this place a few times." He shook his head, "It seemed abandoned."

"It does seem like it," you nodded, "Since this area is far from the market and everyone had to pass the bridge to get there, residents moved to the area closer to their work. Only elders, or people with bigger families are still here." You both then made it into a quiter street, "but I'll have to agree, living near the market is more convenient."

You stopped in front of a house and opened the door with the key you had in your pocket.

You smiled as you entered and placed the food on the table.

"Whose, place is this?" Jaemin turned to you.

"My home." It was then –as you both looked around, you opened up to him. You just felt like you could, especially after the last time he talked about his hardships and moments at palace, also how he often felt isolated in their, so going with you to different places made him happy.

You shared the story of how your father was a ship worker and died in a storm, a while before you were born. You mother became so week in her last two months of pregnancy that she passed away while giving birth to you, hence you didn't ever celebrate your birthday. Your uncle took you in, but since he was a soldier in the castle, he passed away while on his duty. You were only an year old then. His wife claimed you as an unfortunate child and declined to keep you any longer. That was when Yoona's mother, your mother's friend decided to take you in and you grew up well with their care, generosity and a friend like Yoona. You never complained if you were given less than your friend, you didn't even feel bad if her father scolded you more when you both made a mess. Because if you look at yourself now, you wouldn't have been able to make it till here like this, if it wasn't for them. "I've always been, and always will be grateful to them."

Jaemin ran a hand through your hair –like he has been doing this for a while, as you placed your head on his shoulder. It was an unconscious action but both of you were fine with it.

You both were sitting on the roof which allowed you both to see a beautiful scenery. Gentle breeze colliding. Not every house had an open roof. Yours happen to be one, and it became a comfort place for you. Much better as you were now there with the person who's presence was comfort within.

Jaemin looked at you, "You said Yoona is like a sister to you, right?"

You nodded.

"Does she know about this?"

You frowned a bit, unsure of what he meant-

"About us?"

It was already so quite around, your heart beat was all you could hear. His face was inches away from yours and you could feel blood rush to your cheeks. "No." You replied, "Yoona is like a sister and knows about me a lot, but sometimes I can't talk to her either. She shares everything with her mother so I tend to avoid talking about sensitive topics. I know she doesn't have bad intentions, after all, may be I would've shared everything with my mother too, if she was here."

It was silent for a while before Jaemin expressed, "My heart is at peace here," he looked at you again, "I feel, a different type of satisfaction. I haven't really felt before."

You smiled, "I do too. I come here once a month or two, but whenever I do, I feel at peace as well."

You both were already sitting close, so it wasn't surprising when he pushed back your hair behind your ear, "Sure, this place is calming. But it's you, who makes me feel at ease, always."

He moved forward and hugged you gently. His warm embrace making you feel more at home.

Tears escaped your eyes, only realizing when Jaemin pulled back slightly to look at you, "Are you alright?"

You nodded and smiled again, "I'm contented. This feels like a dream."

"Must be a beautiful dream then."

You chuckled at Jaemin's statement and stared at him. Light brown eyes and honey skin in the setting sun's rays as he lost himself to the sky.

He felt you staring and your eye met his, but before you could look away, Jaemin gently cupped your face. He leaned forward and placed his lips over yours in a sweet first kiss. His lips carried the flavor of the cupcake consumed previously, and so did yours.

Pulling away, unlike you, he didn't seem any shy, but he smiled brighter than ever.

You were sure about it now. He was in your fate. Jaemin became your pillar, and you became his escape.

————❁————❁————❁————

It became harder for you and Jaemin to meet like this, –or maybe it was always like this. It only started to seem difficult because you both longed for each other.

Knowing that one wants to meet the other, Jaemin and you both became a bit desperate. He was getting busier with his trainings. And over that, meeting him publicly was hard too. You both had to make sure to meet at a secluded place in order to be protected from any unwanted attention.

The bridge that lead towards the old housing area became your meeting spot. And to be more safe, you both met beneath that bridge.

"What is this?" You asked as you looked at your wrist Jasmin was holding.

He put on a thin string, small diamond attached, bracelet on you, "I'm sorry. For that day."

You immediately knew what day he was taking about. The last time you both met –almost a month ago, Jisung had suddenly made a visit and Jaemin saw you both together. Though that wasn't it, even though Jaemin had seen you both together before too, he was able to express his jealously this time.

He was clearly upset and bothered by it, and didn't say much before abruptly leaving that day.

Maybe he's the protective type, you had thought. But there aren't any types when it came to you.

Jaemin was the only man boy in your life, and the only love of your life as well, hence why it seemed easier to forgive him.

"Really?"

He nodded and looked at you, still holding your wrist. He seemed sincere.

You pursed your lips and held his hand instead, "I wasn't upset though. It's okay."

"I actually brought this with me, when I first time came to see you," he smiled, "I thought it would be awkward to just give it to you then and kept it with me whenever we met, waiting for the right time. I know I'm saying sorry while giving it to you but I wanted to say thank you."

Your heart was already fluttering and you weren't ready for this, but had to ask, "For what?"

"Thank you, for making me the best cake I even had. Thanks to you, my birthday became sweeter."

"What..?" You shyly brought your hand back, looking away from her.

Jaemin grinned more and chuckled at your reaction. "Oh, my princess is getting shy." He cupped your face as he stated the obvious.

You denied to look at him, "You're good with your words, I guess."

As you finally looked at him, both smiling lovingly at each other, it was obvious that you'd lean and kiss, even parting with smiles on your faces.

"Just remember, Jisung is only my childhood friend," you reminded Jaemin.

"I know," he nodded, kissing your interwined hand, and he looked at the bracelet he gave you, "I felt, uneasy at that time. I didn't even know why."

"Ah, that's because you were jealous," you teased.

For a moment Jaemin's eyes got serious, "Really, jealous?" It sounded more like he was asking this himself, "Well, maybe," he nodded and shrugged, "I just know I don't want to see you with anyone else but me. I love you."

You smiled in return but there was a slight uneasy feeling in your heart you couldn't neglect. Days went by but what jaemin said still bothered you,

"I just know I don't want to see you with anyone else but me."

There was nothing wrong with his statement, but he was serious. It was the slight firmness that you happen to notice in his voice.

It was bothering you. The relationship you both had. You couldn't meet or do things with Jaemin that others in love would. Especially after someone asked Yoona if you were seeing someone because they saw you with a boy. Obviously Yoona denied, but you couldn't even tell her.

It's a universal truth, but you failed to keep up with the fact that Jaemin was a Prince. A prince with responsibilities. All the longing days, the distance, the anxiousness, it was all hard to keep up with. Sometimes you found yourself wondering, if it was right being with Jaemin. If it was right just being in love with someone who once seemed unachievable.

"What are you looking at?"

"You."

Jaemin's eyes shifted slightly. You made him flutter. But he smiled and moved to hug you from behind as you both looked at the setting sun.

The scenery had always looked prettier from the balcony of your old house. The place which was your second meeting spot. But due to the distance, it was rare to meet here.

"I can understand. I also always want to look at you."

"As if," you scoffed, "If you really did, you would meet me more often."

You heard him sigh and he turned you to look at him, "You know I try my best to meet you whenever I can," he said. "I miss you more than you think I do."

"I know, but unlike you, I'm less busy. Sometime I don't have anything to distract myself to, and that's when I miss you the most."

Jaemin pushed a strand of your hair behind your ear, "Show me, how much."

You moved forward to kiss him, not expecting him to return it with full passion as his grip on you tightened and he pulled you closer.

"Jaemin–"

"Y/n," he moved back slightly to get a look at your flushed face, his hand coming up to your face. "I love you," he whispered.

"I love you too."

He kissed you again, all his actions filled with gentleness and love.

That evening, you both stayed in the house, tangled up in the sheets of your old bed, that was being used after months. None of you were sleepy and just talked about random things till it was late at night. Hearts content and souls at ease.

Jaemin was so warm.

He was gently rubbing your bare shoulder, when he finally revealed that he was going to leave for the northern borders in few days. "I won't be able to meet you for a while. Longer."

You turned to him, frowning, "But Jaemin, northern borders are too dangerous."

"I'm already aware of it, but it's my duty. I have to go." His fingers ran through your hair, "This isn't my first time."

"But this is the first time you're going towards the north," you looked at his chest instead and sighed, "And, this is the first time you are going to the borders after meeting me…"

Jaemin easily caught on your statement. You felt insecure. Even though you had denied it, unconsciously you thought of yourself as an unfortunate person and hence, didn't want Jaemin to leave. He chuckled.

"Why are you laughing?" You glanced at him.

"Whereas my father is persistent on sending me to the borders, my mother is worried sick. You're no less," he ruffled your hair, "I came here so that you'll encourage me, but it seems the opposite."

"It's not that–"

"Previously, I used to throw a tantrum on my way, ‘ why is father sending me there?’, ‘it's not my thing’, ‘i will not come back!’," Jaemin laughed as he revived, "But now, I'm more confident than ever," he pulled you closer, embracing you. "Like, your presence is enough to encourage me to do well."

He placed a kiss on your forehead, "So don't think about it much, Y/n."

You both left shortly after –trying to be very cautious of your surroundings even if it was late, and parted ways near the bakery with Jaemin reminding you not to be concerned and you cheering at him for the best.

————❁————❁————❁————

You had thought that being able to bake the Prince his birthday cake, was the best opportunity you got. But now that your bakery was also asked to bake sweet treats for the celebration party, as the prince had come back safe and successful, this became a more nerve-wracking duty.

"Ah, Y/n is one lucky girl," Yoona teasingly bumped your shoulder, "You'll be getting to see your crush again."

You chuckled, but because of how innocent her statement sounded. If only she knew.

You nodded, "I'm already looking forward to it."

Yoona and you were waking towards the castle, as representatives of the bakery. It was quite a special event. Usually commoners aren't invited but in this celebration, a few of high officials were allowed to come, moreover because it was a celebration by the nation. Foods, sweets, decorations, were all provided by different owners in market.

The cold wind made you shiver and you pulled the cape close to yourself. When you first met Jaemin, it was the start of fall and a very pleasant weather. But winter had come already and it had gotten much cooler.

It was your first time at the palace and you understood why it's a sight to see. It looked pretty from the outside so it was known the inside would be beautiful too.

Yoona and you had the same reaction, mouths open in awe as you both entered the corridor.

"Where are you going?" She pulled you back, "We have to be in the kitchen, then the lawn."

You remembered the rules and nodded, asking someone where the kitchen was, to see if the sweets your bakery made, were transported well.

You kept on glancing outside in hopes of seeing Jaemin, you had missed him a lot, and you knew you could only see him in the celebration, not even go near him.

"Okay, you all can move to the lawn now," the court lady announced, "I hope no one forgets the rules. Thank you for the hardwork."

You were the last one to step out from the kitchen and walked slowly, still hoping to see Jaemin. Suddenly someone pulled you in a different corridor and moved aside. Though you couldn't see his face because he was hugging you, you knew it was Jaemin.

"How have you been?"

"I should ask you this," you cupped his face, "How have you been?"

"Very well," he smiled, "Was it alright that day? You went home late. I was worried."

You hummed, "It was completely fine. Once in a month or two I usually go back home to clean and stay there for the night, so they weren't expecting me to return till morning."

Jaemin nodded, "I was also wondering if we had spent the whole night together. I missed you."

"I missed you too," you tip toed to peck him before pulling away from him, "I must go now."

The event by better after you've met Jaemin.

The King was feeling slightly under the weather, so the Prince got busier, having to attend the guests alone. Though he didn't miss a chance to steal glances of you and smile, but Yoona –who was always by your side, seemed to have noticed it as she would often tell how the prince looked at your side.

Unfortunately, she wasn't the only one who noticed.

It was the next day, in the morning, before Jaemin was informed his parents would like to have breakfast with him, Donghyuck came to him, "I think they got a hint of it." He said.

"Of what?" Jaemin asked.

"That you are seeing the bakery girl, Y/n."

Jaemin stopped what he was doing and turned to Donghyuck, "Really? How?"

"I don't know, I told you what I heard."

Jaemin sighed, "I thought they wanted to talk about yesterday, in general. Guess that's not it."

And Jaemin guessed right. The air was tensed in room and silent.

"Son,"

"Yes father,"

The King coughed before speaking, "My health is getting worse with each passing day, and I'm afraid you're not set to take over the throne if I'm gone."

Both his mother as Jaemin looked at the king, surprised by his statement.

"But that's not what we–"

The Queen was interrupted when his father spoke up again, "You should get married soon."

"What?"

"Me and your mother think that Princess Sia is a good match for you–"

Jaemin put down his utensils and stood up, "We've already discussed about it before. I'm not ready for it yet–"

"My condition wasn't like this before either." His father stood up as well, "Spare all the stupid ideas you have in your mind. Don't forget you're a crowned Prince." The King left right after.

Jaemin felt his mother pull on his hand, so he sat again and looked at her.

"Jaemin, don't be upset, we're doing this for your betterment."

"But mother, you selected Princess Sia for me without even asking me my–"

"What's your choice?" her tone git serious, "A mere commoner?"

Jaemin's eyes widened, "But mother she–"

"I don't want to hear anything," the Queen got up from her seat, "Like your father said, spare all stupid ideas you have. That baker will bring your downfall, stay away from her!"

————❁————❁————❁————

Jaemin would come to the bakery just for a second just so you knew he's there that day, that's how you both met. And today was no different, but it started raining, hard, when you got off work. Knowing that if you'll go home to fetch an umbrella, Yoona's mom may not let you go out again, so you ran to your meeting spot, getting all drenched by the rain.

"Jaemin," he must've been under the bridge for a while, because he wasn't wet at all, "Did you wait for long–?"

As soon as you came closer, his left arm wrapped over your waist and he pulled you on for a kiss. Surprised at first, you kissed back, only to pull away, "My clothes are wet–"

He kissed you again, quite desperately and this time, you didn't pull back either.

You both sat on the side, under the bridge, just looking at the rain falling from the sky. None of you said a word and Jaemin only held you close, rocking slightly. Even when you asked if he was fine, he hummed in response but didn't say anything.

"I also have to go back."

He finally looked at you as he realized he had spaced out and nodded, "Sorry… I just feel tired. And I want to be with you."

You sighed, "I do too. But I hate how we can't even meet each other anywhere else." It was silent again, before you decided to bring it up, "It this even right… Us?"

Jaemin pulled back slightly and frowned, "What?"

"I mean," you paused, "Can we really be together forever?"

"Y/n, let's talk about it some other time."

"Is everything okay?"

"I don't want to talk about it."

You sighed, "I'm sorry if I upset you."

"No, I just I don't wanna talk about it," his voice rose slightly.

"Buy I really didn't mean–"

"It's getting late, Y/n. You should go home."

It bothered you for days, how Jaemin acted then. He was definitely disturbed, so you felt guilty for bringing it up. But you had to talk about him one day or another.

Rumor has it, the King is sick and his condition isn't getting better. Everyone had been seen to discuss how the new king would be. Prince Jaemin. Even though fortunately most of them are talking positively, people have their concerns too.

You walk with the sugar bags in your arms, remembering the day you first time met Jaemin. You never thought that your intention of wanting to ask him about his favourite flavor would later turn you both into lovers. And this is where a huge full stop came. What are you and Jaemin? Just lovers? Nothing more? Can you ever be anything more than a lover to him?

The strange feeling of someone starring at you didn't seem to go away no matter how much you got distracted. You looked back, and saw the man you were suspecting, look away and stop to turn to a shop. You turned to a different route, staying there till you saw the man trying to look for you.

You came out and confronted him, "If you have anything to say or ask, you can do it directly. No need to follow me like a creep."

He was surprised and shook his head, "No, I was just..."

At a loss of words, the man, no, the boy remained silent. But you have seen him before. "You're from the palace right? I'm sure I've seen you there."

He nodded, "I'm Prince's right hand, Donghyuck."

Hearing him mention Jaemin, you took him to a secluded area. You were upset when he said he didn't come to see you because Jaemin told him so. He came to you because he wanted to, "I've followed you and Prince a few times but later he told me it wasn't needed so I didn't," he seemed a bit awkward.

"What do you have to tell me? Is everything alright?" You asked.

He nodded, "I'm not sure, how to start."

"It's okay, take your time." You were trying to seem calm but inside, you were dying of curiosity.

"The King, he is sick." He started. So it was true after all. "And it seems like the Prince will have to take over the throne very soon."

"Oh, is King's condition very bad?"

"Very," he glanced at you, "But do you know, Jaemin- I mean the Prince isn't yet capable enough to be a king?"

You looked at Donghyuck in shock and shook you head, "Howcome– but, why are you telling me this? Is it something to do with me..?"

"Kind off…" he looked away then back at you, "Look Y/n," he turned serious, "once Jaemin becomes the King, there will be a lot of people who would be against it. It will be a life threatening issue for him. And to secure his place, he needs to have a heir, and for that–"

"He needs to marry a Princess." You interrupted.

He nodded again, "If only he had an older brother, who would take over the throne, Jaemin could've married a commoner. Like his aunt –the King's younger sister."

This is why you were getting tensed as each day passed and news of King's health spread more and more.

"I see. I was already aware of it. But it's a reality I want to– "

"You can't deny." Donghyuck cut you off, "You shouldn't." He placed a gentle hand on your shoulder as he saw tears gathering in your eyes. "Y/n, the reason I decided to come here myself, is because Jaemin doesn't even have time to sleep properly. I'm not sure when he'll be able to meet you."

You wiped a stray tear and nodded, "I understand."

"Look, I'm not sure when, but Jaemin will definitely come to meet you. Whenever he gets the chance to. Just be patient, I'm sure he'll make the right decision."

Both you and Donghyuck knew what right decision meant. But none of you took this conversation any further, and sat in silence for while.

You stood up, "Thanks for deciding to come. I should get going now."

"Alright."

"You should come by the bakery some day," you tried smiling at him.

"Sure. The things are tasty no doubt."

————❁————❁————❁————

And just like that, a month passed with a lot of predicted events happening. The King passed away a few days after you had met Donghyuck –You didn't think his very soon would be this early. Prince Jaemin became King Jaemin –And you continued to worry for his health, hoping he was eating and sleeping well. There wasn't much of a difference, but a new threat to the nation arose. And like Donghyuck had mentioned, the neighboring Kingdom was said to have sent their Princess for the marriage with Jaemin.

And this is where your patience drained away.

You needed an answer. Regardless of how it'll affect you, you wanted to know what was happening, in your life. If not Jaemin, you wished Donghyuck would come to meet you, because last time he had cleared a lot of things in your mind.

The days without any news of Jaemin passed just like how they had previously, but time would sometimes stop, drowning you in the sea of questions, loneliness and doubts. You hated this. The most comforting place, your old home, also started to remind you of Jaemin and you didn't wish to go there.

You'd just sit silently, looking at your bracelet and hoping that the next person comes to the shop would be Jaemin, letting you know it's just another day you both meet. Meeting, which felt like doing something wrong because of how cautious you both have to be.

Fate. It has always been fate. And maybe what felt like the last few moments till you really ran out of the patience, fate had other plans, hence the next person to enter the shop happened to be Jaemin.

You immediately stood up at his arrival. He simply smiled, and left how he usually did. But you didn't wait till your shift was over for it was the closing time. You told Yoona in the kitchen you're leaving and immediately followed Jaemin.

He was surprised when you back hugged him mid way and turned to you, "We can't let anyone see us, let's go."

He took your hand and moved to where you both meet. You wanted to ask him, why.

"How have you been?" He pulled you closer, his hand running over your face, stopping at your jaw.

"Why can we not be seen together?" You asked.

"Do you not know, or are you acting that you don't. I'm not just a Prince now." He chuckled, tired, "My first public appearance isn't yet announced. We really can't be seen together."

"Wrong things are done like this, all concealed and tensed."

He laughed again, "What a sight, my princess is sulking?" he pinched your cheeks, "I'm sorry, it took me so long."

You sighed feeling defeated. You can't stay angry at him, so glad to finally see him. "I know you couldn't have come. Is everything okay? I mean… the King passed away..?"

"It's okay," he sadly smiled, "We all saw it coming."

"Jaemin," you cupped his face, "I missed you so much."

He leaned in your touch, "I missed you more, knowing that you were waiting for me."

"I heard," you bit your lip slightly, "a Princess came here."

Jaemin became expressionless and didn't say anything.

"Is it true."

Sensing the sadness in your voice he looked away, "She's here, yes."

For some reason you couldn't just stay like this and your slowly backed away from him. A small oh leaving you. Donghyuck's words came into your mind.

"But Y/n–"

"This is what I was talking about, that day," you didn't let Jaemin get a hold of you, "I don't like it Jaemin. I was serious when I said that it feels like we're doing something wrong when we meet so secretly like this."

"Y/n," he paused, "You know I was a Prince and couldn't just meet you publicly, now I'm a King–"

"This is where it feels worse," your voice quivered and you felt tears escape your eyes, "Sometimes, I feel like this shouldn't have ever happened, we shouldn't have ever met."

"How can you say this–?"

"You just now confirmed that the Princess is here!" Your voice rose, "What are you planning on doing? Marry her and keep meeting me behind everyone's back–?"

"Enough!" His voice rose too and he ran a hand through his hair, "You really think this is my intention? I love you, Y/n."

"But is this enough?" You were already crying then, "Is this enough..? I love you? Will this bring us together?"

"I- I have nothing more to say if you don't plan on understanding me. I was only here for a while, I'm leaving."

"This is what you did last time too," Jaemin stopped when he heard you. You wiped your tears, "Running away. You left me unanswered and your doing that now too." You turned and left without another word and decided not to look back either.

You didn't go to the shop, instead went to your house, and stayed in bed, not even eating anything.

"Y/n, tell me right now what happened?!" Yoona asked again. She had been worried for you since you didn't show up at the shop and now that you were acting like this, she had to know what happened.

"Yoona," you looked at her, frustrated, tears suddenly left your eyes, "just go!"

"Y/n," she held your shoulders and asked again, "What happened?"

You couldn't stop yourself and confessed everything to her. Yoona patiently listened to you till late at night, as you shared your sadness with her.

She laid besides you on your bed, "So much happened and I had no idea. I actually suspected that you were seeing someone but, it would be the Prince…" she exhaled, still not believing you.

"Yoona," you had stopped crying and simply stared at the ceiling, "This was never a good thing to start off with, right?"

"Don't say that, if I put myself in your place, I would do the same. Especially because you liked him."

You looked at your wrist again and brought it in front of Yoona, "Take it off."

"What–?"

"Jaemin gave me this."

"The Prince–?" She sat up, "Really? Looks expensive."

Seeing you expressionless, she took it off and gave you.

You put it under your pillow and turned on your side. "I know I can't sleep it off. But I'm so tired of all this."

"Y/n," Yoona caressed your back, "Did you both really end everything today?"

"You can say that."

"No, I need an answer like, yes or no."

You paused and looked at her, "Yes, everything ended." You chuckled sadly, "You know, the Princess is actually here. In our kingdom."

Her eyes widened, "Already?"

You nodded and closed your eyes to sleep.

"Not all endings are happy— or simply, not all needs a prince charming to be happy."

You looked at Yoona again, her eyes dripping with sincerity.

"You deserve so much happiness. Everyone does." She smiled, "But it doesn't have to do be from one person. It can vary. It comes and goes. You must have the strength to take it in and accept what has been given to you, especially if you can't go against it."

Tears gathered your eyes again and you nodded, "He was my prince charming, but I wasn’t his princess."

————❁————❁————❁————

Without Jaemin, life was just like before. But it was easier to cope up with everything, now that you have shared your thoughts and feelings with Yoona. Your bond with her was always special but after that night, you felt more closer than ever. Maybe claiming that you can't share some things with her because she tells everything to her mother, was just an excuse, to your nature of not being able to open up sometimes. And now that you thought deeply about it, Yoona and her parents have given you so much love, even if it was less than what she received comparatively. Love wasn't just given romantically, platonic love should also be paid attention to. And you were doing the same. Trying to get better and living how you did before meeting Jaemin. He will never leave your life, and will always be somehow connected to you. But not as two lovers. Instead, as King and commoner. Maybe it was really an end. And you will never meet him again.

"Welcome–" you smiled when you saw someone you didn't think would come, "Donghyuck."

"Y/n, I'll definitely take something but before that, can you do me a favor?"

"Favour?"

"Someone wants to meet you–"

"Y/n, who is–?" Yoona came from kitchen.

"Jaemin?" You asked Donghyuck.

He glanced between you and Yoona and nodded.

You turned to Yoona, "It's Jaemin." She asked you whenever you left in between work, where you were going, expressing her concern.

"Y/n," she paused, "Do you really have to go?

You looked at Donghyuck and then at your feet.

"It may be the last time," you heard Donghyuck mumble and then you nodded at Yoona, "Please."

She nodded in return and you asked Donghyuck where Jaemin was, going there immediately.

He wasn't very far, as he stood by a tree near Riverview. Since the night had come, the place barely had people.

He saw you and looked at you with a smile, "Y/n." He hugged you.

"Jaemin."

"How have you been?" He asked and pulled back.

"Just, fine. You?"

"Me too." He looked hesitant, "It's so hard to come to the market, now that I'm the King."

You both remained silent, so he spoke again, "I thought a lot about it, what you said the other day. 'Marry her and keep meeting me behind everyone's back'." He quoted you, "That was the harsh reality I was running away from, Y/n." When he looked at you, his eyes were glossy, impersonating yours. "But that is what was going to happen… But I can't do it, I can't." he shook his head, "I can't do this to you, nor her."

You broke the eye contact as tears slipped your eyes. The 'may be' Donghyuck said in his sentence had given you some hope, which was now crushed.

"You see, I'm a King. The King of this nation… but I'm helpless. I can't do anything for the one most precious to me, my real princess–"

"Don't say this, please," you finally spoke, "It was already hard letting you go… How will I move on if you say things like these." You sniffed and laughed, "Just say something harsh and end it already."

"I can't," he cupped your face again, "I don't want you to think of me as a jerk who was only using you–"

You interrupted, "I know. You're not a jerk, you're the loveliest person I know. That's why, you, don't make it hard for me." You pulled back from his grip.

"Let me say it one last time," he breathed out and held both your hands instead, "I truly loved you– I love you, Y/n. I do. And I'm sorry I couldn't do anything for us… As much as I don't like how you're not wearing the bracelet I gave you, I'm relieved. Sorry for interrupting when you were trying to get over this, this mess I made. But, I'm thankful to have met you."

"Me too," you nodded, trying not to cry, "I always thought that our meeting and falling in love, was fate. Maybe leaving, and parting ways is also in our fate. And I've accepted it as it is. Because the time I spent with you, was beautiful. And even if it hurts to say goodbye, I can endure it. Because you let me have some of the most beautiful times of life, and I've understood, not all stories have a happy ending," you laughed, "Ours was a sad one, no doubt."

Jaemin laughed, feeling more hopeless than ever. He pulled on your hands and held your face gently, placing one last kiss on your forehead.

"Then," you moved back, and bowed, "Long live the King and Queen."

Jaemin wanted to scoff but remained silent. What was supposed to be blessing given by the nation to their rulers, sounded more like a mock to his helplessness.

That spring night marked your last good-bye, which was depressing and shallow, but answered all the questions you had.

Though, you weren't expecting that you'd be working on a cake which is for the King's wedding, only a moth later.

yesterday's petal | nct na jaemin

“I see.” A petal of yesterday falls. “I’ll take care of them now.”

pairing » nct na jaemin x gn!reader (lmk if i missed anything!)​

trope/au » ​non-idol au!, established relationship au!

genre » angst! just full angst!, grief and longing, reader remembering all the good times spent with jaemin, hurt and hope to move on, boyfriend na jaemin who took care of you so well, and you who loved him as much as he loves you

word count, estimated reading time » 1628, ~6 mins

warnings (lmk if i missed anything!) » major character death, grief and loss, sorry not proofread 😭

navi/masterlist!! 🤍 part of 'especially to you...'

didn't think that my first nct story on this app would be this but...i needed this badly...

i am also getting back into nct! i might be able to go to dream's concert this year and i'm so excited! feel free to send me some nct content and help me catch up hehe

but other than that...

in a world where everyone seems to fit in so well and so easily...i hope that someday things will be better for me 🫂

With the amount of times you hit the door frame against the overhanging bell of the shop, it’s no surprise that the older woman recognises you.

Usually, she greets her customers brightly, especially those who look nervous and overwhelmed by her overflowing love and care towards the flowers that she prides herself on. At first, it was like that for you too, but the brightness of it all only lasted a few milliseconds at most.

She’s not new to her job; no, she’s not. She’s been doing this for years, having been brought up to it by her mother who has heavily influenced her to decorate all kinds of events with the delicate being, bringing in colours from one corner of the room to the other. But she knew the second you walked in her door without having to take your hat, scarf or sunglasses off, that you’re different from any of the other customers.

She can sense it from far away: a heart that has stopped beating. Amidst the chaotic, busy world, where most of the time a pin cannot be heard even in the library, she can feel the dejected feeling that your heart clenches painfully and that it never begs to differ. She wonders if you’ve always been like this or if you change under a different circumstance. Did her shop remind you of something unpleasant? Was it making you remember a painful memory that you never want to revisit ever again? 

But you always kept coming back. If not every day, every second day. And this, without fail.

She wishes she had the courage to ask why the corners of your lips have never raised, why your hands are always limped by your side, swaying tirelessly beside your even tired heart. She wishes she could ask why your eyes are always so puffy and sometimes bloodshot when you bow to her as a greeting whenever you exit. And, she would always wonder the reason behind why you would pick up the same flowers every time. Again, with the number of times you visit, she wonders if you’re giving them away or if you just like to fill your room, and perhaps at this point house, just like her.

She never asks because of the way you held the stem of her flowers between your hands. It’s an interesting way to handle her art: you rest the bottom of the stem on your palm with your fingers curving up to make a little bowl while the fingers of your other hand are curled towards the centre of your palm, the little circle however always big enough that when you step over to the counter, the green stalk bounces around the circumference of the circle as you take your step towards her.

Just like every other day, you tapped your card on the machine and left after mouthing a ‘thank you’ when the affirmatory tick was displayed on the screen, a pair of curious eyes behind your slumped shoulders.

Your feet take you to the place that you go to every day, the navigation of getting there already deeply ingrained in you to even try and suppress. With each step, comes the setting of the city that you used to walk with your beloved boyfriend. So many memories are spent in every turn of the city, with every store being visited once whether it be a cafe or a baby clothing store. There was usually no purpose to your visits but the hand that held yours tightly made you remember that sometimes roaming around with no purpose brings the best moments in life. 

The scent of the ramen shop across the street makes you hold your breath for a second, not wanting to trigger the accompanying cilantro scent that your nose remembers. The whirring of the coffee machine that you just passed only makes the inside of your mouth dry, remembering the unhealthy shots of caffeine that your boyfriend would drink without a thought in mind. The uneven paths of the ground play with your balance but this time, Na Jaemin isn’t here to hold on to you or even playfully joke around with you to say that he will ‘never let you fall the same way you already fell for him now’.

God, you just want to experience them again.

The way your friends found their significant others while you mull over the fact that Jaemin has left and will never come back. Not in this life, at least. So many times you would pray that you’ll find someone else but even when another person has shown interest in you and you accepted their offer to take you out on a date, you find yourself only thinking of Jaemin endlessly. 

At first, you thought he cursed you. Just like how he would say he would if you ever woke him up from his after-school nap even though it was supposed to be a movie date at the cinemas. 

But now you know that you’re just not ready for the change that took away the only person who loves you and that you love back an infinite times more. You’re not ready to have another person holding you, kissing you and whispering sweet nothings to you no matter your mood. 

You just want Na Jaemin back.

“Hey…” You arrive at your destination, the glossy stone reflecting the sullen look on your face, hair messy both from the win and simply not caring about readjusting it back; that was supposed to be Jaemin’s thing after all. “How are you doing today?”

Your choice of clothing today is questionable: white shorts when you know that you will be sitting down on the ungrassed Earth. Nevertheless, it didn’t stop you because all you wanted after a tiring day of high school and trailing behind your friends who had their arms joined with the love of their life, is to just talk to Jaemin in a more eye-levelled state. 

The conversations are endless and you make sure not to leave the slightest bit of detail from the day. You try your hardest to be positive, knowing well that Jaemin will always like you that way but one of the reasons why you love him is because if you did cry, he would still love and care for you without judgement or doubt. And the realisation that you’ll never see those eyes that you have fallen in love and would get lost in sinks in again.

You sob. Cry. Weep. Bawl. 

You could scream. Yell. Shout.

And it’s killing you inside all the same.

“I’m so tired of being so lonely when there’s so many people around me, Nana.” Your chin rests on your folded knees to your chest, arms around your legs but hands still holding the flower the same as before. “I’m so tired of being jealous of my friends that they’re still making happy memories with their other person.” The tears stream down your face even more, gulping down your sorrows and pain.

You relish how the coldness of the wind numbed your cheek; at least you’re feeling something.

“I do believe that the time when everything will be better will come and I do believe that the more I understand my feelings, it will get better eventually,” you sniff and gasp out of air, “but I still wish that I didn’t have to rely on time. I wish that I didn’t have to delve in deep and go through all of this.”

His name engraved on the stone only made it harder for you to see anything, your tears blurring your surroundings and the wind only making you cry harder. You take in a shaky breath and though it was not satisfactory, you’re still thankful that it gave you a little more energy to get lost in the feeling of grief.

“I love you.” You repeat a few more times. “And I hope that someday, whenever I hear your name, only the good memories and things you taught me will replay in my head.”

Your fingers reach over to the curves and lines of his name and you smile remembering how his mother included you in the font and general typography, knowing how much the relationship that you both shared has always been a healthy one for both ends. You continue to run over the engraving more, moving your hand back and forth. You continue to blurt out your last few moments of the day along with your plans for the next twenty-four hours before you would rant to him again.

But like you said, time will eventually come and make it all better and currently, the heaviness in your chest is more bearable now. You jump up to your more stable feet, eyes on the flowers that cover the front side of the base. Slowly, you laid the new one between the ones from before. You stare at how it finds its place so easily despite being only introduced a few seconds ago, and you nod at how it may not be you anytime soon.

As you spare a final glance at the fresh flower on top of the one that you just gifted him yesterday, you note the peace that it’s finally been given, still and no longer twirling and swirling in the circle that you have made for it.

When you walk away, the flower looks at how you drag your feet across the soil, and the yesterday flower whispers, “They're still the same as yesterday.” A message that has continued and passed on from the very first one that you laid in hopes of Jaemin knowing that he’s never forgotten.

“I see.” A petal of yesterday falls. “I’ll take care of them now.”

navi/masterlist!! 🤍 'especially to you...'

tags (send a dm/ask if you would like to be here or removed!): @k-labels 💙🤍 @k-films 🤎🎞️ @kflixnet 📺🍿 @sanaxo-o

hi bubba 🥹 thank you for reading this one, glad my words reach someone 🫂 my heart breaks for a different reason too 💗 i love and miss you

yesterday's petal | nct na jaemin

“I see.” A petal of yesterday falls. “I’ll take care of them now.”

pairing » nct na jaemin x gn!reader (lmk if i missed anything!)​

trope/au » ​non-idol au!, established relationship au!

genre » angst! just full angst!, grief and longing, reader remembering all the good times spent with jaemin, hurt and hope to move on, boyfriend na jaemin who took care of you so well, and you who loved him as much as he loves you

word count, estimated reading time » 1628, ~6 mins

warnings (lmk if i missed anything!) » major character death, grief and loss, sorry not proofread 😭

navi/masterlist!! 🤍 part of 'especially to you...'

didn't think that my first nct story on this app would be this but...i needed this badly...

i am also getting back into nct! i might be able to go to dream's concert this year and i'm so excited! feel free to send me some nct content and help me catch up hehe

but other than that...

in a world where everyone seems to fit in so well and so easily...i hope that someday things will be better for me 🫂

With the amount of times you hit the door frame against the overhanging bell of the shop, it’s no surprise that the older woman recognises you.

Usually, she greets her customers brightly, especially those who look nervous and overwhelmed by her overflowing love and care towards the flowers that she prides herself on. At first, it was like that for you too, but the brightness of it all only lasted a few milliseconds at most.

She’s not new to her job; no, she’s not. She’s been doing this for years, having been brought up to it by her mother who has heavily influenced her to decorate all kinds of events with the delicate being, bringing in colours from one corner of the room to the other. But she knew the second you walked in her door without having to take your hat, scarf or sunglasses off, that you’re different from any of the other customers.

She can sense it from far away: a heart that has stopped beating. Amidst the chaotic, busy world, where most of the time a pin cannot be heard even in the library, she can feel the dejected feeling that your heart clenches painfully and that it never begs to differ. She wonders if you’ve always been like this or if you change under a different circumstance. Did her shop remind you of something unpleasant? Was it making you remember a painful memory that you never want to revisit ever again? 

But you always kept coming back. If not every day, every second day. And this, without fail.

She wishes she had the courage to ask why the corners of your lips have never raised, why your hands are always limped by your side, swaying tirelessly beside your even tired heart. She wishes she could ask why your eyes are always so puffy and sometimes bloodshot when you bow to her as a greeting whenever you exit. And, she would always wonder the reason behind why you would pick up the same flowers every time. Again, with the number of times you visit, she wonders if you’re giving them away or if you just like to fill your room, and perhaps at this point house, just like her.

She never asks because of the way you held the stem of her flowers between your hands. It’s an interesting way to handle her art: you rest the bottom of the stem on your palm with your fingers curving up to make a little bowl while the fingers of your other hand are curled towards the centre of your palm, the little circle however always big enough that when you step over to the counter, the green stalk bounces around the circumference of the circle as you take your step towards her.

Just like every other day, you tapped your card on the machine and left after mouthing a ‘thank you’ when the affirmatory tick was displayed on the screen, a pair of curious eyes behind your slumped shoulders.

Your feet take you to the place that you go to every day, the navigation of getting there already deeply ingrained in you to even try and suppress. With each step, comes the setting of the city that you used to walk with your beloved boyfriend. So many memories are spent in every turn of the city, with every store being visited once whether it be a cafe or a baby clothing store. There was usually no purpose to your visits but the hand that held yours tightly made you remember that sometimes roaming around with no purpose brings the best moments in life. 

The scent of the ramen shop across the street makes you hold your breath for a second, not wanting to trigger the accompanying cilantro scent that your nose remembers. The whirring of the coffee machine that you just passed only makes the inside of your mouth dry, remembering the unhealthy shots of caffeine that your boyfriend would drink without a thought in mind. The uneven paths of the ground play with your balance but this time, Na Jaemin isn’t here to hold on to you or even playfully joke around with you to say that he will ‘never let you fall the same way you already fell for him now’.

God, you just want to experience them again.

The way your friends found their significant others while you mull over the fact that Jaemin has left and will never come back. Not in this life, at least. So many times you would pray that you’ll find someone else but even when another person has shown interest in you and you accepted their offer to take you out on a date, you find yourself only thinking of Jaemin endlessly. 

At first, you thought he cursed you. Just like how he would say he would if you ever woke him up from his after-school nap even though it was supposed to be a movie date at the cinemas. 

But now you know that you’re just not ready for the change that took away the only person who loves you and that you love back an infinite times more. You’re not ready to have another person holding you, kissing you and whispering sweet nothings to you no matter your mood. 

You just want Na Jaemin back.

“Hey…” You arrive at your destination, the glossy stone reflecting the sullen look on your face, hair messy both from the win and simply not caring about readjusting it back; that was supposed to be Jaemin’s thing after all. “How are you doing today?”

Your choice of clothing today is questionable: white shorts when you know that you will be sitting down on the ungrassed Earth. Nevertheless, it didn’t stop you because all you wanted after a tiring day of high school and trailing behind your friends who had their arms joined with the love of their life, is to just talk to Jaemin in a more eye-levelled state. 

The conversations are endless and you make sure not to leave the slightest bit of detail from the day. You try your hardest to be positive, knowing well that Jaemin will always like you that way but one of the reasons why you love him is because if you did cry, he would still love and care for you without judgement or doubt. And the realisation that you’ll never see those eyes that you have fallen in love and would get lost in sinks in again.

You sob. Cry. Weep. Bawl. 

You could scream. Yell. Shout.

And it’s killing you inside all the same.

“I’m so tired of being so lonely when there’s so many people around me, Nana.” Your chin rests on your folded knees to your chest, arms around your legs but hands still holding the flower the same as before. “I’m so tired of being jealous of my friends that they’re still making happy memories with their other person.” The tears stream down your face even more, gulping down your sorrows and pain.

You relish how the coldness of the wind numbed your cheek; at least you’re feeling something.

“I do believe that the time when everything will be better will come and I do believe that the more I understand my feelings, it will get better eventually,” you sniff and gasp out of air, “but I still wish that I didn’t have to rely on time. I wish that I didn’t have to delve in deep and go through all of this.”

His name engraved on the stone only made it harder for you to see anything, your tears blurring your surroundings and the wind only making you cry harder. You take in a shaky breath and though it was not satisfactory, you’re still thankful that it gave you a little more energy to get lost in the feeling of grief.

“I love you.” You repeat a few more times. “And I hope that someday, whenever I hear your name, only the good memories and things you taught me will replay in my head.”

Your fingers reach over to the curves and lines of his name and you smile remembering how his mother included you in the font and general typography, knowing how much the relationship that you both shared has always been a healthy one for both ends. You continue to run over the engraving more, moving your hand back and forth. You continue to blurt out your last few moments of the day along with your plans for the next twenty-four hours before you would rant to him again.

But like you said, time will eventually come and make it all better and currently, the heaviness in your chest is more bearable now. You jump up to your more stable feet, eyes on the flowers that cover the front side of the base. Slowly, you laid the new one between the ones from before. You stare at how it finds its place so easily despite being only introduced a few seconds ago, and you nod at how it may not be you anytime soon.

As you spare a final glance at the fresh flower on top of the one that you just gifted him yesterday, you note the peace that it’s finally been given, still and no longer twirling and swirling in the circle that you have made for it.

When you walk away, the flower looks at how you drag your feet across the soil, and the yesterday flower whispers, “They're still the same as yesterday.” A message that has continued and passed on from the very first one that you laid in hopes of Jaemin knowing that he’s never forgotten.

“I see.” A petal of yesterday falls. “I’ll take care of them now.”

navi/masterlist!! 🤍 'especially to you...'

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