Identity Issues - Tumblr Posts

One false move

YOU'RE KENNEDY.

If you fight

YOU'RE THE ENEMY.

I'm so sick, but I can't find a remedy

I'm still trying to find my identity

Where's my head?

ON THE PODIUM.

Gas me up, no petroleum

I'M SO SICK

BUT I CAN'T

FIND A REMEDY

I'm still trying to find my identity.

You know I have an idea involving nine seeing his whole self. Perhaps in some sort of shard somewhere and perhaps Nine seeing shards of Tails and Sonic being bothers and possibly seeing the event that led him to being by sonics side.

It makes me think that if he had an angry outburst it would be him shouting how without him he isn’t whole (The whole being the life he could have) but with him being whole he would not exist (Nine is a variant in time with years of angst and his own memories, least how the theory goes of them all being shards of the original selves) Nine would never remember and be erased and while he’ll be glad of not having his past anguish happened, it wouldn’t be him anymore. Unless he does something about it.

I’m probably making it more complicated and sorry about that. What are your thoughts on this?

Nine would be horrified.

All of that trauma, all of his efforts, all of his friendship with Sonic.

Just to be a shard of someone he could never become? There his 'whole self' was, fluffy, healthy, happy, the last being something Nine desperately wanted.

He... still wants it.

But was this his choice or what he was made to choose?

He didn't know anymore.

He remembers yelling at Sonic, yelling at him for something even the speedster himself didn't know, ignoring the knawing guilt and self-hatred when those emerald eyes filled with pain and sadness at his cutting remarks.

He stormed away after that, leaving the hedgehog to wallow in his misery. He wasn't a person, but with Sonic he felt like he was. A person worthy of being loved, worthy of kindness, worthy of care. But was that all a lie? Did the hedgehog only care for him because of what he was?

Did Sonic only love him because he was a part of Tails?

Did he even love him for HIM?

Or was it merely because Nine could find a way to fix the world with the shards because Nine would find a way to erase the shattered space like it was nothing? Because they thought Nine would willingly off himself just to be nothing more than a trait?

No.

He wasn't just a trait. He was his own person. And he's not going to go back to being one. He isn't going to just wallow in self-pity, he's going to do something about it.

This world, the shatterverse, the GRIM, they'd all just be erased just like that.

But Nine isn't going to just let that happen.

No.

He's going to do something about it, whether the others, whether SONIC likes it or not.

I don't even know if my memories are legit... How do people do it??? How can they be able to grasp their memories of their past life and be comfortable about it...? I am relying entirely on the familiarity of my soul, the feeling of flying, of transforming, of feeling the fire build up in my throat and spatting them on my enemies... But I can't see my former home, my former self, am I brown scaled? Red scaled? White scaled? Do I live on high mountains or near a cold chilly ocean? Why am I attracted to fire and water at the same time? Why do I have memories of being human as well??? Does it connect to my draconity? Who the hell am I?! And then I see people... people whom encourages me to believe I'm delusional... conflicting me and tearing me into two... one part yearns for the knowledge, the desire to make sure what I'm feeling is legit, that I truly am once a dragon and that I didn't did this to inflate my very small ego... but my logical side persists, blocking any memory and saying to me, yelling to me that you're delusional! It's just fantasy! What's worse is that I want to ask for help... for someone to listen to me... to comfort me... to find compromise between the raging war of logic and belief dripping in my system... But if I do that, I'll just be deemed into an attention seeking whore...