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Punks, Poets, Parents - Ch. 13: Looking For You (I Was)

Prev - Ch. 13: Looking For You (I Was) - Master Post - [ A03 ]

Final Chapter! This has been an adventure <3. Fic rated M, this chapter rated T - CW: Mild language (for Remus, anyway), referenced alcoholism, briefly suspected/implied domestic violence, but actually it's mostly fluff - WC: 2596

Thursday, June 21, 1984

“Hey, boys, Bennie wants to know if you want a cold round before we open the doors…” Hilly stuck his head into the sweltering green room. One of the A/C vents had sputtered out that afternoon, and the late June heat had turned the green room and one of the bathrooms on that side of the club into virtual saunas.

Roman stood next to Virgil in the far corner and waved at them both with a small folding fan to supplement the oscillating fan working hard to cool the trio. Virgil sat on the counter, dabbing at his melting make-up and leaning his head against Roman’s shoulder. Remus watched as the couple exchanged a weighted look.

Remus spoke up first, “You know, Hilly, I could really go for some ice water.”

Virgil shot a smile at Remus, nodding, “Yeah, Hilly, water is good, man. Thanks.”

Hilly waited for a small nod from Roman before giving them a quick salute and ducking out of the room. “Three ice waters coming up!”

After he left, Remus returned his attention to his bass, plucking out a little riff from their opening song, the quiet slap of the steel strings against the fingerboard and the motor of the fan the only sounds in the room. He pretended not to notice when Virgil nudged Roman with his shoulder, looking significantly at him. Roman looked down at the floor. Virgil nudged him again, this time reaching behind him and pressing gently on the small of his back and looking again at Remus.

Roman nodded and stepped a little closer to his brother. “Hey, uh, thanks—” he jerked his head toward the door where Hilly had just exited.

Remus nodded, looking up from his bass, fingers still moving across the strings.

“So, uh, you should know that, um…” Roman turned quickly to look at Virgil, who had slid off the counter and moved closer to the brothers. He reached out to hold Roman’s hand. “I started going to AA.” Remus’ hands stilled on his bass.

“You… you were both right.” Roman swallowed hard and looked down at his feet. “I was… I was turning into Dad.”

Remus’s eyes widened and he whipped his head over to Virgil, peering closely at his face. Virgil shook his head and smiled tightly. Roman caught the look and he waved his free hand, shaking his head. “No, no. Fuck, no, I wasn’t that bad.” His unspoken ‘yet’ hung between the three of them in the thick, stuffy air. Roman raised Virgil’s hand to his lips and gently kissed his fingers. He turned back to his brother. “Losing my temper with you was bad enough.”

Remus shrugged, “We’ve come to blows before, Ro Bro.”

Shaking his head, Roman muttered, “That wasn’t a fight, Re, that was… that was something else.”

Remus stared at Roman for a long while. Finally, he cracked a smile. “Is it bad if I say I’m proud of you?”

Roman blushed and scoffed lightly, a broad smile spreading across his face. He gently kicked at Remus’ boot. “Ew, gross, what, next you’re gonna say you love me or something?”

Laughing, Remus muttered, “Ew, no. Of course not.” Suddenly stepping forward, Remus wrapped his arms around his brother, squeezing tightly. “I love you, Ro Bro,” he whispered in his ear.

“I love you too, Punk,” Roman whispered back.

Virgil playfully hip-checked Remus and took his spot as he kissed Roman, discreetly wiping a tear from his cheek. Remus laughed, picking up his bass. “Hey, where’s my sugar?”

Hilly’s laughing voice boomed from the doorway, “I’d wager he’s back at your apartment, watching your foster son.”

They laughed a little too loudly as Remus took the tray of water glasses from Hilly, offering them to Virgil and Roman. Raising his glass, Virgil shrugged, “Is he wrong?”

Remus rubbed the back of his neck, pretending the flush on his cheeks was just from the heat.

“You boys ready?” Hilly checked his watch then lit a cigarette.

Remus looked at his bandmates, meeting first Virgil’s, then Roman’s eyes. “Ready,” he said, grinning at Hilly.

---

Patton could smell Logan’s cooking the moment he opened the door to their apartment. “Oh, Lo! Are you making meatloaf?” He grinned and his shoulders danced as he quickly locked the door behind himself and toed off his shoes.

“Perhaps…” Logan’s amused voice lilted from the kitchen. He laughed, “If you come in here, you can test the mashed potatoes.”

“I hope I caught you before you added too much pepper this time….” Patton giggled as he joined his brother in front of the stove and retrieved a small spoon from the utensil drawer, bouncing in anticipation. He scooped a bit on the edge of his spoon and blew on it before popping it in his mouth with a grin. “Oh, man, Lo, it’s good!”

After dropping his spoon in the sink, Patton washed his hands. “So what’s the occasion? This is pretty elaborate for a Monday night for you.”

Continuing to whisk the potatoes, Logan reached over to turn off the heat on the asparagus. “It has been a while since our schedules have been sufficiently aligned to have dinner together.” Patton winced as he looked up at his brother. Logan quickly patted his shoulder and smiled, “I am not condemning you for having a social life, Patton.” He shrugged, a tiny smile tugging at his lips. “Recently, neither of us have been home in the evenings as much as we used to.”

“It’s nice… you know… to get to talk to each other a bit.”

Each of the brothers looked away. Logan covered the mashed potatoes and put on oven mitts as Patton dried his hands and pulled two plates from the cabinet. “Well, yes, ah, Pat… There is something serious I wished to speak with you about.”

Patton chewed at his lip. “Me, too, actually.”

“Oh?” Logan looked carefully at Patton’s expression. “Is everything all right?”

“Oh, yeah, nothing to worry about.” Patton winced again. “Sorry. I’ve, uh, been a frequent bearer of bad news, huh?” Logan shrugged lightly as Patton shook his head again. “No, it’s nothing bad at all. Um, I wanted to ask if, well… See Barb needs a place to stay. She’s been subletting since she moved out of her dorm at Columbia and…”

Logan blinked in surprise as he set down trivets on the table. “And you would like her to move in here?”

“She would share my room—I can fit another bed in there.” Patton waved his hands quickly when Logan raised his eyebrow. “Oh, not like that. Barb knows I don’t like… you know….”

“Well, I—”

“Please just think about it, Lo. I—”

“Allow me to finish, please.” Logan put a slice of meatloaf on Patton's plate as he spoke. “Last weekend, Remus signed a lease on the apartment downstairs. It will provide them more space and he won’t need to sleep on the couch anymore.”

Logan fidgeted with his napkin. “I was going to tell you that he and I have been talking about… me moving in, as well.”

“Oh, well Barb wouldn't need…” Patton’s brow furrowed until he caught Logan’s eyebrow raise and small smile. “Oh...” Patton grinned. “Oh, Lo!” He leapt out of his seat to hug his brother, knocking both of their eyeglasses askew. “I’m really happy for you. For both of you.” Patton’s smile grew. “For all of you, actually.”

Logan tilted his head, watching Patton’s rapidly morphing facial expression.

“I… I’m sorry for not trusting your motivations more, Logan.” Patton traced little lines through his mashed potatoes and wouldn’t meet his brother’s eyes. “The night that… The night I brought Jay home to Remus’… I finally saw what you did. What you were trying to tell me for so long.”

Logan rested his hand on Patton’s and he finally looked up. Patton smiled at his brother. “He really loves Jay. And Jay… Jay loves both of you.”

---

Logan unlocked the front door and Jay rushed inside, pushing the door open and holding it. Jay kicked off his shoes and slid them against the wall with his foot.

Hanging his keys on a hook next to the door, Logan smiled and nodded at the boy once the door closed. “Thank you for holding the door, Jay."

Jay smiled brightly at the praise, making the sign for 'you're welcome.'

"Here is your bag,” Logan added as he handed him the tote emblazoned with the School is Cool at P.S. 63 - Summer 1984 logo. “Will you put it away in your room?”

Nodding, he raced back to his bedroom. He returned a moment later with his blinking Fourth of July kaleidoscope, peering at Logan through the lens. Logan chuckled. “Does that help you see farther?” Jay giggled and shook his head as he followed him to the kitchen.

His face lit up when he saw Remus sitting at the kitchen table, a few envelopes scattered in front of him. Jay threw himself at his side, hugging him tightly.

Remus turned in his seat to return Jay’s hug. He kissed the side of his head. “Oh, hi, you two. I—I didn’t hear you come in.”

After a moment, Jay’s rumbling stomach grew too much to ignore and he opened the refrigerator and took out the milk and a pint of strawberries. Logan’s brow furrowed and he moved to Remus’ side and placed one hand on his shoulder, carding his other through his hair. “Love? Are you all right?” he murmured before he put his arm around Remus' shoulders and looked down at the envelope he held in shaking hands. Logan read the return address on the envelope and smiled. “Is that what I think it is?”

They both stared at the light green envelope in Remus’ hands, the bold letters of the return address a beacon: New York City Office of Vital Records.

Remus sucked in a breath and looked up at Logan with wide eyes, then over at Jay as he carefully poured milk into a cup. “I… I think so.”

Logan moved another chair next to Remus’. He sat down and Jay climbed into his lap. “Well, the envelope is addressed to you.” He grinned when Remus looked at him. “You should open it.”

Slowly and perhaps a bit hesitantly, Remus opened the envelope. Jay's eyes darted between Remus' forehead wrinkled with worry and Logan's broad grin and dancing eyes.

Envelope opened, Remus pulled out the single piece of paper inside. He unfolded the heavy, blue-bordered stock and held it with trembling hands. It was a newly certified copy of Jay's birth certificate, and in the box labeled 'Father' was heavy black print stating simply Puños, Remus Daniel.

“I can’t believe it’s real.” Remus whispered. “I mean…." He swallowed hard, staring at the page. “Is it real?”

Logan carefully lifted Remus’ chin to look at him and Jay. “Love, in every way that’s important, you are his father.” He reached down and tapped the embossed certificate in Remus’ hands. “Now you have the piece of paper that backs you up and tells the world that you are Jay’s dad.”

Still sitting on Logan’s lap, Jay leaned his head against Remus’ shoulder, hugged his arm and whispered, “Dad.”

---

Friday, August 20, 2010 - Cleveland, OH, USA

“You were right,” Remus murmured next to Logan’s ear as they stood in front of the large glass display case on the first level of the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame.

Logan wrapped his arms around Remus, and hummed as he kissed his cheek. “Well, now you’re just pandering to my fondness for being told that I’m right.”

Remus laughed, “Oh, don’t start that now….” He let his hands rest on top of Logan’s and let out a slow, relaxed breath. “I was going to say you were right that this was a good time of year to visit the museum.”

“Well, of course,” Logan grinned, nudging his glasses back into place. “School started last week in the plurality of Ohio public school districts, but it is too early in the year for major field trips. That significantly reduces local visitor counts.” Remus twisted his head and watched Logan dive into his explanation with a growing grin. “The typical humid Midwest summer weather ensures that this region is not a prime tourist destination in August. However, Lake Erie is quite beautiful this time of year and I booked us a trip on….”

His voice trailed off as he finally registered Remus’ fond smile. “And… I have already explained all of this more times than you can count, haven’t I?”

Pressing a kiss against his mouth, Remus whispered, “And I’ll listen happily every time you do.”

“Dad, Pop!” Jay’s voice rang out over the excited din of the rest of the crowd. The pair turned and Remus held Logan’s hand as they followed the sound of his voice. They looked out over the mezzanine railing, peering down to the level below them. Jay grinned and waved both hands above his head. Once he caught their attention, he pointed in another direction. He cupped his mouth with both hands, calling up to them, “I think I found it!”

Remus and Logan’s eyes followed where Jay pointed. Remus’ jaw dropped. “Holy fuck, it’s really here….”

Logan grinned and wrapped an arm around his waist, “Shall we get closer, Love?” Remus nodded silently. “We’ll be right down, Jay!” Logan called back to their son before they carefully wove their way through the crowds of tourists to join the small huddle of visitors posing for pictures underneath CBGB’s—second—awning.

Reunited, the trio stood in quiet awe as they looked up at the dingy, weather-worn awning. Remus pointed up to a corner in the underside, “Holy shit, does that really say ‘Virgil?’”

“Language!” Logan muttered as his eyes flicked reflexively to Jay.

Jay laughed. “Pops, I think it’s okay if I hear Dad cursing once I’m past thirty. Uncle Pat's rubbing off on you.”

“Yeah, besides, what was that you muttered when that schmuck in the pickup truck cut you off outside the airport parking lot?”

Logan pursed his lips and narrowed his eyes at both of them. “January 31, 1987. Jay’s tenth birthday party. In front of four impressionable young nine and ten year olds, an objectionable phrase was uttered.” Remus and Jay exchanged a glance as they fought and failed to hold back their laughter. Logan put on his most serious disciplinarian face and continued, “And I quote, ‘If this motherfu—”

Remus pressed forward and kissed Logan before he could finish the word.

“Are you trying to silence me with affection, Mr. Puños?”

“Sorry, Teach.” Remus’ grin revealed the depth of his remorselessness.

“Careful, Dad, he’ll make you call him Principal Sanders with that attitude.” Logan scoffed, his attempt to feign outrage marred by the giant grin spread across his face and the laugh he couldn’t quite suppress.

Jay stood close to them and stared up to where Remus had pointed earlier. “You know, I think it does say Virgil.” He turned to Remus and Logan. “Do you think Uncle Vee actually wrote that?”

Logan stared closely and shook his head. “Look closer….” He pointed at a spot slightly obscured by the metal frame that supported the frayed fabric awning. “There’s a heart.”

“Ro, you vandal,” Remus laughed. “I gotta send them a picture.”

“They are thirteen hours ahead of us.” Logan checked his watch. “It is two o’clock in the morning local time.”

Jay nodded. “Right about when their Friday night concerts end. You might catch them before they head to bed.”

Remus snapped a picture just as a museum volunteer approached them. Remus lowered his phone, anticipating a stern lecture about flash photography. Instead, the volunteer smiled, “Can I take a picture of the three of you?”

“That would be very kind, thank you,” Logan answered and Remus passed over his phone. Jay moved to one side of Remus and Logan slipped his arm around his back on the other. Remus pulled them both close and smiled.

---

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