Genuine Things Me And My Beloved Have Said - Tumblr Posts
"Blorbo of Rivia" -my beloved
@limabean-7152
Jaskier: got a new car today
Geralt: what breed
Jaskier: uhmmmm schmol
Geralt: ….thank you
Jaskier: :D
Eskel: do you like sandwiches or do you think they're meticulous and evil
Geralt: ???????? Meticulous and evil???????
Eskel: yeah. That's what I said.
Geralt: ????????????
Dandelion: Geralt I can't go out like this.
Geralt: what are you talking about you look fine?
Dandelion: my hair!!! It's too clean! Ugh I look like a coconut!
Geralt: just wear a hat. Tuck your hair into it.
Dandelion: .... What do you think this is???????
Geralt: a solution?
Geralt: *casually telling story of how he was horrifically injured as a kid*
Dandelion: where were yo- mmmmmmm nevermind.
Geralt: what? What were you going to say?
Dandelion: I was going.... To say... Where were your parents.....
Geralt: HAHAHAHAHA
Dandelion: *shakes Geralt awake* Geralt!
Geralt: huh- HUH oh... Dandelion.. you scared me from my deep slumber.
Dandelion: You have never been in a deep slumber, you’re traumatised.
You cant even go to bed when you’re tired cuz you’re always in survival mode
Geralt: .........
Dandelion: I love you-
Geralt:
Modern Au Long Distance
Jaskier: I love you!!!!
Geralt, having an old man moment with technology, whisper-shouting: SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP
Jaskier: :(((((
Geralt: WAIT NO NOT YOU, I LOVE YOU- ITS MY PHONE
Jaskier: NO I SEE HOW IT IS
Geralt: NOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Long distance modern au p2
Jaskier, trying to figure out his discord stream for a date night: you fucking SLUT don't fucking do this to me you piece of shit.
Geralt: *quietly munching on his dinner as he watches him lose it*
Kind of Witcher S3 spoilers !!!! But just a funny!!!
My beloved (who is a musician ironically enough) who I often base my incorrect Witcher texts off of because we act like Geralt and Jaskier | Dandelion watching S3 and his reaction to Valdo is priceless
@limabean-7152
Modern Au Long Distance Geraskier
Jaskier, showing Geralt his dog: he's taking up the whole bed
Geralt: he looks dead. He looks deceased. Why are you holding a dead animal Julian. You're going to contract diseases
Jaskier: HE'S NOT DEAD
Long Distance Modern AU (back at it again)
Geralt: oh my fucking gods it's so hot, Jask. It's literally 30°C (85-ish F)
Jaskier: oh yeah, 30s aren't fun.
Geralt: I'm dying. It's so hot. Why is it so hot I'm up NORTH
Jaskier: yeah yeah it's not that bad. Go lay down inside babe
Geralt: no but you have AC, I have a box fan
Jaskier: we don't use AC at that temp
Geralt: OKAY WELL YOU KNOW WHAT. I LIVE IN THE MOUNTAINS JULIAN. ITS USUALLY COLD AS BALLS UP HERE, NOT SATAN'S WET ANUS
Jaskier: WHY DID YOU CALL IT WET???
Geralt: SWAMP ASS.
Geralt: I diagnose you with dumb of ass
Jaskier: my booty is not dumb for it cannot think
Geralt: ......
Jaskier: I walked into that one didn't I?
Geralt: yes, painfully.
Jaskier: goddammit.
Eskel: do I look like Shrek?
Lambert:
Eskel: don't answer that
Lambert: quick save
Eskel: eat a dick.
Lambert: IM TRYING
Jaskier: would you say that I see people?
Geralt: what like... schizophrenically?
Jaskier: You’re confusing and unapproachable
Jaskier: I think that’s attractive
Geralt: Help?
Jaskier: IM MYSTERIOUS HISS UOU AIL NEVER BE KNOW ME MHMMABAJ RAAAUGH
Geralt: Did u just hiss at me
Jaskier: n no hah why would I do such a thing
Geralt: Julian…
Jaskier: how could you even insinuate such a thing?
Geralt: the only solution ever with me is euthanasia.
Jaskier: uhm…
Geralt: do you know what euthanasia is Julian?
Jaskier: …..children in Asia?
Geralr: wh-.... Julian. it's when you kill something chemically
Jaskier: OH.
Geralt: JULIAN.
Geralt, baby-talking: do you want the flesh of children? Do you want the blood of the innocent Roach?
Roach: *Progressively getting more and more excited.*
Geralt: there's so much wrong with me. Maybe I should go back to therapy
Regis: nooo I like that there's obviously something wrong with you
Geralt:.... thank you
Regis: 😚
*Talking about Drywall*
Jaskier: Oh, still, is it not that good?
Geralt: No, not really. It’s really chalky.
Geralt: I say this as if i’ve eaten drywall.
Jaskier: You haven’t?
Geralt: No??? Why would you think that?
Jaskier: … ???
