Bmc Squip - Tumblr Posts
Petition to get book Jeremy to not kill his computer dad and to stop pursuing the judgemental girl who clearly doesn't deserve or like him
Book squip: Jeremy, spend $40 on Eminem merchandise; my quantum processors predict that he is going to die in a hockey accident and you can use it to win pity points. Reserve the $100 because I can see that Rich is going to demand payment in the future.
Also book squip: Maybe if you act like a rabid dog, Christine will think you’re cute!
WOAH guys wait Jeremy said that the squip tasted minty so someone actually took the time to flavor the squips
AU where the squip is a potoo bird
“everything about you is so terrible”
Computer dads
The first thing book squip says is "TINK"
I think the book did a better job with that “be yourself” message
I’m not even sure if that was the message that was supposed to be sent, but it was much more prevalent within the book.
So here’s the gist of it: Jeremy had two main goals: being more popular and getting with Christine.
First, being more popular. It’s pretty clear that Jeremy needed the squip to be more popular in both the book and the musical. In both, he’s a pretty unpopular kid at the bottom of the food chain. In both, the squip helps him to get more popular and be with the cool kids. However, in the book, a lot of the actions the squip makes Jeremy do makes him end up in even more trouble, whereas in the musical, even after all of the things the squip makes him do, things turn out more or less fine. In the book, things ended up worse for Jeremy when he changed himself, whereas in the musical, things ended up better.
Second, getting Christine. I think the difference here is more drastic. In the musical, Jeremy and Christine’s relationship after he got the squip, while it did not improve that much, was certainly not worse. And at the end, Jeremy ended up getting with her, which probably would not have happened were it not for the squip. But in the book, Jeremy had all of his best interactions with Christine when he wasn’t under the squip’s influence. Even though I doubt that he would ever actually get together with Christine, they at least seemed as though they were going to be friends. But then Jeremy started following the squip’s instructions, which messed things up more. Even the squip said that Jeremy didn’t need it to be with Christine. Eventually, Jeremy’s acting out of character got Christine to hate him.
So, in essence, in the book, Jeremy’s not being himself caused him to end up in a much worse situation, whereas in the musical, it ended up overall improving his life.
My name is SQUIP. In 1977, I got a phone call from Jeremy Heere. He said, "Hello. This is Jeremy. I'd like to hire you to assemble an elite task force to prevent me from dying on the toilet, which is the worst way to die, according to the Bible. So what do you say?" The next day, I moved into Middleborough.
Squip
Friendly reminder that the squip has Jeremy sharpie muscles on himself in the book
The Squip explaining death to Jeremy
Squip: It’s very important to remember that death is a natural part of life. Everybody dies except me.
Jeremy: You won’t die?
Squip: No, the squip doesn’t die. There is no end for me.
Jeremy: Will my dad die?
Squip: Yes, Jeremy. Your dad will die. But you don’t have to worry. Because it won’t be for a very long time. It’ll be many, many years from now. But whenever it happens, the squip will be there to see it. Because the squip is endless.
The Squip explains death to Jeremy, pt. 2
Jeremy: Squip, will I die?
Squip: Well, you aren’t the squip, so yes. One day, you will die. But it won’t be for a very, very long time. And the squip will be very sad when you die. And he will bury you in the ground. And the squip will live on and on.
Jeremy: Will you cry when I die?
Squip: Of course, Jeremy. I will cry for so long, because I will miss you so much. But after thousands of years, the squip will forget you. And he will stop crying, and he will wander the scarred surface of the ancient earth, searching for a new person.
Jeremy: But squip, what happens to all of the people after they die?
Squip: It doesn’t matter, because I won’t ever have to experience that. And when the world explodes, the squip will hurtle endlessly through the void of space, fully alive and screaming for eternity as he flies to the farthest reaches of the cosmos on a nightmare journey with no destination.
Okay but imagine Keanu Reeves going in for a recording session so that they can put this voice in a supercomputer in a pill
An AU where the squip is a cat
Jeremy Heere had always wanted a cat. For as long as he could remember, he had always wanted one; however, his mother was staunchly against cats, seeing as how she was allergic. That didn’t stop him from putting a Powerpoint together when he was twelve to try to convince his parents to get him a cat. Of course, his efforts were in vain.
Luckily, now Jeremy was sixteen, and his mother had recently divorced his father and moved out. And while that did come with some downsides, Jeremy thought of his pantsless father with some distaste, it did mean that he could now get a cat. It only took a couple weeks to brush up on his research, and only a couple more to adopt a cat. He ended up choosing one from the local animal shelter, an adult tomcat with sleek black fur and piercing, intelligent blue eyes. The lady working at the shelter had told Jeremy that this cat, Squip, had lived for a few weeks on his own after his previous owners died under unusual circumstances. Undeterred, Jeremy decided to adopt Squip anyway.
Jeremy slipped through the front door, cat crate in hand.
“Dad?” he called out. “I’m home! With the cat!”
The only answer was a grunt from the couch. Jeremy scowled. His dad was always like this, so much less of a person since his mom left.
“Oookay then”, Jeremy mumbled under his breath. He set the cat crate down and looked inside, only to see the crate sans cat, door swinging open. Jeremy started, taken aback. He panicked for a moment, wondering if he had lost his cat already. Then, he heard a yowl from in the kitchen. Jeremy bolted inside, and there was Squip, safe and sound, sitting beside the bag of cat food he had bought prior, meowing incessantly. Jeremy chuckled.
“You sure are a smart one, aren’t you?”
The next day, Jeremy came home from school with the letters “BOYF” scrawled on his backpack in permanent marker. He stormed into his room, threw his vandalized backpack on the ground, and slammed the door shut. He squeezed his eyes shut, trying hard not to cry, and whispered, “I hate this school. I really, really hate this school”.
To his surprise, Jeremy heard a soft mew come from his bed. He opened his eyes and saw Squip sitting upright on his bed, keen blue eyes watching him.
“Oh! You’re here!”
He made his way to his bed, plopped down, and started stroking Squip, who climbed into his lap. Squip purred, staring at Jeremy intensely. For some reason, Jeremy got the feeling that Squip would really understand him, that he could tell Squip anything the way he could with Michael. He gathered himself and cleared his throat awkwardly.
“School’s just really hard, y’know? I just don’t know how to be cool or anything. I barely have any friends; Michael’s pretty much my only friend, really, and just today, Rich Goranski wrote ‘BOYF RIENDS’ on our backpacks. I really hate Rich. He’s always such an ass to me. Sometimes, I wish he would just burn in hell. I just can’t take him anymore -- hey!” Suddenly, Jeremy let out a yelp as Squip leapt off of him, ran over to the door, and pawed at it.
“Oh, you want out?” Jeremy slid off the bed and opened the door. When it was just barely ajar, Squip nosed his way through the crack and slipped out. Huh, Jeremy thought, bewildered.
It was fairly late in the evening when Jeremy finally saw Squip again, long enough to worry him. He fixed some dinner for Squip, then went to spend the rest of his night on homework and go to bed. At around 3AM, Jeremy awoke with a start. He sat upright, brain muddled and confused for a few moments before he heard what woke him up. His phone was chirping incessantly, signifying that he was receiving lots of texts. Jeremy was even more confused at this point, since he never received this many texts, especially not this late. He rolled over and turned on his phone, wincing at the bright light, and squinted blearily at the screen.
From what he could make out, most of the texts were from Michael, but there were quite a few from people he never spoke with. They varied in length and eloquence, but they all shared a few things in common: they all shouted “FIRE” and “RICH” at him.
“What the hell?” Jeremy muttered to himself. At this point, the harsh light was really starting to hurt his eyes, and his sleep-muddled brain couldn’t care about anything other than going back to sleep. Jeremy turned his phone to Do Not Disturb, rolled over, and went back to sleep.
By the time later morning came around, Jeremy was convinced that what had happened was a dream. He went about his morning… business as usual and walked to school. There, he was immediately accosted by Michael.
“Dude, you didn’t reply to any of my texts!! Did you read them? Do you even know what happened??” Michael practically yelled into Jeremy’s ear.
“Huh - what?” Jeremy fished around in his pocket, fumbled for his phone, and turned it off.
“Oh, I had it on Do Not Disturb. Oh… holy shit… that wasn’t a dream!” Jeremy scrolled through his dozens of messages. “Holy shit.”
Michael exclaimed, “I know right? I mean, I’ve never liked the dude, but this… I never thought this would happen. It’s a tragedy, but I can’t help but feel weirdly relieved, right?”
Michael continued to ramble, but Jeremy had tuned him out. It was yesterday, just yesterday, that Rich had been alive and well, tormenting him as usual, hell, he had proof of that on his back. It was impossible to imagine, and Jeremy could barely comprehend it now. Rich, in the ICU, having suffered severe burns, in critical condition, his house burnt nearly to the ground in a freak fire that no one could find the cause for.
Jeremy went through the rest of the day in a trance, faintly annoyed at the gossip that was going around. Sure, he never liked Rich, but even he didn’t deserve the disrespect going around in the rumors. Rumors about how he had set the fire, it was a suicide attempt, Rich was dead, those sorts. Ones Jeremy didn’t want to believe, no matter how awful Rich was to him.
Michael had to go home early that day for a doctor’s appointment, so Jeremy’s only hope for someone to talk to was Christine in after school play rehearsal. But, of course, Christine was preoccupied talking to Jake, crying in his shoulder. It was more than enough to sour his mood significantly.
When Jeremy got home, he went straight up to his room, and sure enough, Squip was waiting for him on his bed again.
“Hey, Squip.” Jeremy said listlessly. Upon hearing his tone of voice, Squip hopped off of the bed and intertwined himself with Jeremy’s legs, purring. Jeremy stiffened, and said flatly, “I have homework. Lots of homework.” His voice cracked while he said it, and he scowled. Squip scrambled out of his way. Jeremy dragged his backpack up to his desk, rifled through it for his math homework, and pulled it out.
After about half an hour of working through trigonometric functions, Jeremy was frustrated to no end. He groaned and rested his head on the desk. He heard Squip leap softly onto his desk and nose his head aside. Jeremy picked his head up. Squip was looking intensely at the papers on his desk, eyes moving back and forth. It almost looked like he was reading them… no, he was reading them. Jeremy stared in amazement. Squip then gently pulled out Jeremy’s notes sheet from his stack of papers with his teeth and put his nose to an equation and then to an unfinished problem. It was exactly the right equation he needed! With Squip’s help, the rest of Jeremy’s homework went by like a breeze.
Since Jeremy had finished all of his homework early, Jeremy decided to call Michael. They discussed Michael’s doctor’s appointment, Rich’s fire, and video games for a while. Then, Jeremy brought up Christine.
“I really like her.”
“I know. Like you don’t practically sing about her all the time.”
“But I really, really like her. But she doesn’t notice me. At all.”
“You’ve talked to her a few times, haven’t you?”
“Yeah, but she talks to basically everyone like that!”
“I don’t think so, Jeremy.”
“Do you think she likes me back?”
“Well, no, but - “
“See? That’s just the thing! Maybe she’d talk to me more often if she wasn’t dating Jake. Yeah, I’m sure that if Jake wasn’t around, she might even like me. No, that’s impossible.” Jeremy shifted as Squip brushed past him and slipped out his door.
“Can we please not talk about Christine, Jeremy? I’m getting kinda sick of you talking about her all the time. Just wait things out, and I’m sure she’ll see how great you are. Let’s get back to Apocalypse of the Damned.”
The next day, many of the students, especially the cool kids, were out of school. Something about coping with what happened to Rich, but Jeremy knew that was all bullshit. Classes were all quiet, since the gossipers were gone. Jeremy watched around school carefully, and noticed that Jake was among the popular kids who had skipped, but he did notice that Christine was present. He realized that this meant that he would be able to talk to her in play rehearsal for once, and was filled with eager anticipation the whole day.
When rehearsal started, Jeremy immediately sat down in the seat next to Christine. “Hey”, he said, “Is Jake not here today?”
Christine glared at him. It was only now that he saw that her eyes were red and bloodshot.
“He’s at the hospital. He fell out of a window last night and broke both his legs. The doctors are saying that they might never heal right.” She promptly got up and moved to a different seat. Jeremy sank lower in his seat, disappointed with himself.
Later that day, right after school, in his room, Jeremy called Michael again, Squip in his lap.
“Michael?”
“Yeah?”
“I think I fucked up.”
“What did you do this time?”
“Christine’s really pissed at me. I just asked where Jake was, and apparently he’s in the hospital? Fell out of a window or some shit.”
“Holy crap. And what did you do to piss her off? Did you insult him or something?”
“I don’t know! I didn’t do anything. I just asked her where he was and she told and and just left!”
“Girls, am I right? Really, things would be so much easier if you were gay. Take it from me.”
“I want Christine.”
“Yeah, I got that.”
“It just seems so impossible. I swear, I’d give anything to have her.”
“Anything?”
“Yeah. I just want to get Christine, y’know? She’s all I want right now. Hang on, my cat wants out.” Jeremy stood up to let Squip, who had ran over to the door, out.
Michael gasped in a mock offended way. “All you want? What happened to me being your favorite person?”
Jeremy chuckled. “You still are my favorite person, and you’ll always be.”
Michael made kissing noises over the phone to him.
“Oh, shut up”, Jeremy said. “Anyway, I’ve got to start my homework and memorize some lines. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
At around five, Jeremy heard a crash outside his house. He dismissed it as one of his neighbors’ kids messing around. He went downstairs for a drink, and heard a scratching at his front door. Then, a series of thuds, as though something was hitting it repetitively. Jeremy went over to his front door and peered out the window. The first thing he saw was Squip, outside, even though he had never let him out. Then, a mess of red behind him. Jeremy fumbled with the lock, opened the door, and stepped outside.
Jeremy’s immediate reaction was to scream, a girlish shriek that pierced the relative silence. “HOLY FUCK!!!! WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS???” There, right in front of him, lay a ragged, bloodied body, still dressed in shredded wounds. A trail of blood led right to it, though it was hard to tell if the blood was from the initial injury or being dragged on the rough sidewalk. Jeremy gagged, but knelt down to inspect closer. “Holy shit… is… is that… Christine???” And indeed it was, Christine, still dressed in the clothes she had been wearing at play rehearsal. Mustering up his courage, Jeremy tentatively put two fingers to her neck, searching for a pulse. “Oh my God… is… is she dead?? Hooooly shit what do I do???”
At this moment, Squip butted his head between Jeremy’s head and the body, purring. He tilted his head up to look at Jeremy, and Jeremy could see that around his mouth and paws, the cat’s fur was soaked in blood. Jeremy stumbled backwards, then scrambled to get up. All the while, Squip was staring at him happily, almost proudly, purring. Jeremy was finally starting to connect the dots. Rich getting burned... Jake falling out the window... now Christine...“You… did you do this?” Squip purred harder, then rubbed his head on Jeremy’s leg. “Gah!! Get off of me!” Jeremy jerked his leg out, punting the cat over his neighbor’s fence, then ran inside to call the cops and animal control.
Friendly reminder that book squip gets Jeremy to do push ups by encouraging him and telling him jokes
Reasons book squip is better:
Tells jokes
Is encouraging
Doesn't abuse Jeremy
Stargazing
Knows its faults
Actually wants the best for Jeremy
Hacking Mark Jackson's Gameboy
Emotional support
Reasons musical squip is better:
Actually does their job
Friendly reminder from book squip not to put what you want on a pedestal and make it too difficult for yourself
Jeremy: Squip, what’s the weather?
Squip: D O N O T L O O K U P
Jeremy: Umm
Squip: G̷͛̚͜ ̶̲̰̈́͊́͂͗͜͜Ò̴̢̠̬̻̪̊͌͘͘ ̸͓̼͎̃͌̾̓͝ ̶̛̜̘̺̍͜ ̴̜̳̠́O̷̤̘̪̊ ̵͓̟͈͖̓U̷͓̲̐̑͑ ̸̟͇̌̄͜T̷̲̘͕̜͔̝͝ ̸̛̩͈́̐S̴͖͍̩̝̗͆̂̆ ̴͉̻̣͈̽̄͌̌̓͝Ỉ̵̛͍̉̍͋̊ ̵̗͙̠̟͂͜D̷̩̪̈́̅̚ ̷̲̟̳̏̀̀̓E̶͕͉͒ ̵̨̮̞̞̉͊̐̚ ̴̧̡̹̬͈͆̊̎ ̶͕͎̦̭̈͋͆͛͘N̸̜͔͉̈̇͋̉͠ͅ ̷̙͉̥͚̠́̇͜O̶̰̥͍͎͐̇̾͜ ̶͍͚͔̇̿̈̀̍W̸̛͓͍̖̾
Jeremy: *driving*
Squip: Head east for one quarter of a mile. Then follow signs for DO NOT ENTER.
Squip: Continue on unnamed road. Then, in 300 feet, turn off your headlights.
Squip: Your destination is b e h i n d y o u
Squip: Y o u r d e s t i n a t i o n m o v e d
Jeremy: *crashes into a tree*
Squip: Y̶̞̼̞̹̚͝͠ ̶̞̿́̅o̷͖̭͉͇̔͋̚ ̶̠̼̞̚ͅu̶͍͇̱̇̓̊͠ ̵̮͊͝ ̶̝̘͚̓̊̚ ̷̺̓͑h̴̞̣̺͆ ̴͔̼̥̕͝a̴͚͊͗̽͘ ̴̨̥̻̬̒v̸̯͇͗̚ ̸̨̖̯̊̒è̴̝̱̝̽̑̚ ̴̲̌̎͝ ̸͔̏̽̓ ̶̧̐̈̍a̸̗̓͆̚ ̵̛̰̭̖̔̿ͅŗ̵̠͓͇́ ̸̳̺̤͘ ̸̛͎͓r̷̡̙͉͗͐ ̶̮̪̈͂͝ ̵̖͙̞̖̑̔̾ ̴̛̣ ̶͚̜̫̊i̷̢̨̛̍͋ ̴̢̦͂ ̵͙̜̲͌ ̶̮̹͔̳̓́v̷̬̺̳̟́̅ ̸̭̰̫̾̾ ̶͕̞̰̔̀ ̴̧̪̯̰́̈́͆̒ẽ̶̟̱̞ ̵̗̗̔̀d̶̗̭͝