Batman Headcanon - Tumblr Posts

Alright new Brucie Wayne headcanon time.

We all know the classic “airheaded Brucie Wayne doesn’t understand the prices of everyday objects because of his wealth” take. We also generally know that even as Bruce Wayne he probably still has a fairly skewed understanding of what counts as affordable due to being in the rich part of the city. Realistically even as Batman he probably objectively knows what the economy of Gotham looks like for the most part but is still a little out of touch due to basically never going into a supermarket.

Now for the twist, what if during those years away training and basically becoming Ryu from Streets, he did end up learning the price of commodities like food and clothes, BUT he only knows it for other countries currency.

Imagine if that knowledge casually translated to Brucie, where he’s giving an interview or he’s on a tv show like jeopardy or family feud, and they ask him some question like “How much do you think it costs to buy 8 apples?” And Brucie Wayne just pulls out some random currency to approximate it. Almost nobody knows what the current exchange rate is between these different currencies off the top of their head and Brucie doesn’t seem to be able to convert it either.

It becomes a whole thing, where anytime someone asks Brucie how much something cheap costs he’ll answer in any other currency besides the U.S. Dollar.

Now imagine if someone decided to specify that his answer needs to be in USD, he just takes a moment stares off into the distance and when they decide to finally ask if he’s alright he just goes “oh no sorry, I just needed to convert it. It’d be about x amount of money USD.” Just completely blowing the concept that yes, Brucie Wayne is capable of converting between these random currency exchange rates off the top of his head, yes he can do math mentally, and yes he knows what the price of these everyday goods are, but only in other countries, thereby proving previous claims, that he was just getting lucky pulling random numbers off the top of his head, were false.

Even more remarkable is sometimes when it’s looked into, the only places with prices as low as Brucie suggests in that particular currency are basically slums which brings up a whole new slew of questions, like “WHY DOES BRUCIE WAYNE SEEM INTIMATELY FAMILIAR WITH THE SLUM PRICES OF THIS TINY TOWN IN ANOTHER COUNTRY”

Just adds a whole new dimension of lore to Brucie Wayne that Gothamites could go nuts over.

I like to add that Bruce shows up to bid on days or remind the rogue certain days are off limits. Days that are off limits are of course any of his family members birthdays.

He bids on days when one of his kids has an event that he can't miss. Because my Headcanon for Bruce is a good father and attends every kids event.

He never has to bid too high because the rogue's respect the fact that he just wants days with his kids. Also Bruce brings the greatest food when he comes to the bidding.

Some of the rogue's kidnapping of Bruce is just to hang out. It some times expands into getting Bruce help with fixing something in Gotham. Which he never disappoints. They also hope to see him punch Batman again after that one time he was being rescued.

RANDOM GOTHAM ROGUE MEETING

Two-Face facing the rooms of rogues who aren't currently in Arkham, Blackgate, and or out of Gotham for the meeting: "Okay. I brought the whiteboard. Today's meeting is to schedule who gets to kidnap Bruce Wayne this month and on what days according to whatever nefarious schemes you fiends have all cooked up. Now it is summer so that means more schemes to be had. Since I am speaker at the meeting you all know that that means I get to pick a day before we start the debates and biddings. If you look at the calendar you will see I have already chosen my day. Now...."

Two-Face sighing and running a palm over his two faces: "Joker is not allowed to bid until the final rounds due to his behavior and cheating in the Rock-Paper-Scissors tournaments. And before you raise concerns on him not following this rule we have him muzzled. Now, get ready to bring your arguments to the table. June 1st. Why do you want it and why do you need Wayne and go!"

Cue immediate shouting from everyone.

Favorite headcanon of mine is that Tim and Damian have to constantly deal with their friends crushing on Batman and Nightwing.

Kon Kent: How old is your brother—

Tim: TOO OLD FOR YOU, AND HE’S MARRIED

Damian pretends he didn’t just hear a civilian say “smash” to Batman in a smash or pass/FMK.

Tim lives in Fear of Bernard in particular saying ANYTHING about the Batfam. Bernard says he’d let Batman raw him and Tim’s ready to off himself.

Damian just seethes every time Garfield looks ready to tell the equivalent of a “me and your mom last night” joke about Dick.

Batman Interpretation

I would love a story of Batman being about these hundreds upon thousands of villains ranging from random hoodlums to supervillain world-conquerers just trying to eliminate Batman and Batman is just a random billionaire who isn't actually trying to be a superhero.

Like Bruce Wayne is just some random rich guy who every single villain decided to hate on for no reason. And now he's forced to make awesome high-tech gadgets in order to prevent a weird penguin guy from stealing his shit.

Bruce Wayne has a mental breakdown about how he just wants to be a normal rich guy who just so happens to have a special interest in bats and all he can do is make bat-shapped throwing stars to remind himself what this is all for.

It's not for Gotham. It's not for his orphan backstory. It's for his dream of making a bat sanctuary. But he can't make a bat sanctuary until random masked vigilantes stop trying to ruin his business!!!

He is just trying to live out his furry dreams alone and random villains are trying to kidnap the poor guy :`<

sometimes i think about how funny it would be if bruce had a slight english accent as a result of alfred being the only adult in his life for most of his formative years. that or he just says british slang instead of english.

this either drives his children insane, or they think it’s the most hilarious thing ever.

__________________________

Bruce: Can you pass the chips?

Dick: Sure, B. *passes over the potato chips*

Bruce: No, the chips.

Dick: ???? … yeah? here?

Bruce: NO! THE CHIPS! *gesturing wildly for the french fries*

Damian: Father, are you having a stroke?

———

Batman: Alright, this mission is very important. It is imperative that everything goes to schedule. (shh-edule)

*red robin and red hood snicker*

Batman: *glare* As I was saying, it all must go to shh-edule…

RR & RH : *uproariously laughter *

Batman: *harsher glare* Is something funny?

RR: Oh nothing, B, don’t worry.

RH: Absolutely nothing wrong, “left-tenant”

RR & RH: *dying of laughter *

———

Bruce: *reaching the end of a long rant about responsibility and making sure you are keeping yourself and others safe* And what do you have to say for yourself??

Duke: … You sound like Alfred…

Bruce: *horrified look over coming him* … what

Cass: *furious nodding*

*Some time later, after B has been fished out of Gotham Harbor, which he jumped into after declaring that he “couldn’t turn into his father”*

Alfred: *reaching the end of a long rant about responsibility and making sure you are keeping yourself and others safe* And what do you have to say for yourself??

Bruce: *white as a sheet* … Sorry Alfie…

*Steph is heard furiously cackling in the background*

_______________________

anyways i just thought this was fun

Might be time i write up some bruce Wayne HCs. #1 on the list that he 1000% has a hair pulling kink and is 1000% against pain related kinks (spanking doesn’t count, choking does).

Lesser Known Effects of Using a Lazarus Pit

We all know about the homicidal tendencies, but here’s some lesser-known psychological effects Ra’s has experienced, as reported by anonymous members of the League of Assassins.

-Bieber Fever. Now the mere mention of the singer’s name is enough to warrant severe punishment.

-Becoming a Hippie. Which led to Woodstock, which led to Talia, which led to PTA meetings...

-Bad Financial Decisions. Such as funding Coronado’s expedition to El Dorado (so shiny!) or buying into tulip mania (so stripey!).

-Ability to Withstand Effects of and Communicate with Eldritch Horrors. Like that time Ra’s decided to take a mental health vacation to R’lyeh or when he and Cthulhu became pen pals for two years straight. (They still send cards on occasion.)

-Taking Up Bizarre Hobbies. Such as yak jumping, armpit hair weaving and social media. (He gained quite the following for the armpit hair thing.)

-Interesting Delusions. Such as the time he insisted he was Princess Furiosa of Inner Earth (and dressed to match) or that sea gulls were plotting against him (which resulted in his mental health vacation to R’lyeh.)

-Reluctance to Leave the Lazarus Pit. Which resulted in the delusion that he was actually a whale.

If you’ve ever wondered why more members of the League don’t sneak a dip now and then, you have your answer.

Bruce Wayne Week: Day 6: Multiverse

awhile back I made a post or two about the multiverse and one specific universe where Bruce is star sapphire instead of batman

@brucewayneweek

I am so convinced if one of the batboys were going to propose to someone, they would ask Selina for help picking the rings cause she has the best taste in jewelry and she’s knows exactly what to pick

I head canon that the bat siblings have definitely broken boards of half rotten wood by hitting each other with em as well as have put dents and cuts in stuff around the manor (as well as other places) by throwing knives at each other.

My reason, both are things me and my brother have done on multiple occasions.