Batdad - Tumblr Posts
For some reason, I thought this was a Batman post
Someone: "This kid is a villain"
Batman: "..."
Someone: "They've hurt people"
Batman: "..."
Someone: "They have absolutely no parental-"
Batman (to the kid): "Please sign here" (shows adoption papers)
Someone: "......"
Homeless people are people too!
Ok let's imagine that Terry born when Bruce was still young and was actually made in a lab, like Conner from young justice k?
Now
I want the jl to find Terry like how they found superboy, and then everyone expects batman to be angry and cold to the boy (like how Superman was in the start) but then everyone is suprised when the bat actually takes him in
Oh also in this fic the jl don't know who batman is yet :)
+plus points if Conner actually finds out about it
do you see the vision?
I declare this cannon !!!
You've all heard of "Batman accidentally uses his suave playboy voice instead of his intimidating growly one while interrogating a thug" but now I present you: BATMAN ACCIDENTALLY USES HIS TIRED DAD™ VOICE.
I-been-working-on-this-case-for-76-hours-straight-Batman: *sigh* what did you do
Suddenly-guilty-feeling-Riddler: I can explain
Bruce: *messing around at a gala as a child, pushes into an old scary lady*
Lady: *scowling* I hope you get a child exactly like you.
*years later*
Dick: *stubborn with anger issues*
Bruce: oh no
Jason: I hate you! You’re not my dad
Bruce: *remembering all the times he yelled that at alfred* oh nooo
Tim: *stays up for days obsessing over cases, drinks coffee like it’s disappearing tomorrow*
Bruce: *quietly moved away his files and mugs* oh nooooo
Cass: *charges into a death match to become the best fighter she can*
Bruce: *remembering every training he did before Batman* ....pleaseeee
Damian: I hate school! I don’t need it *gets expelled from every school he goes to*
Bruce: *remembers EXACTLY how many times he got expelled and for why* ....fuck
Bruce: *stared at Duke and Steph*
Woke and bespoke are the correct answers
Broke: Batman has the most complex passwords imaginable because he’s paranoid that a supervillain will infiltrate his tech or the batcave and steal sensitive information.
Woke: Bruce has the most complex passwords imaginable because his kids won’t stop hacking into the bat computer so they can throw themselves into even more danger unsupervised.
Bespoke: Bruce has the most complex passwords imaginable because he’s personal friends with literally half of the rogues gallery, and they keep fucking changing his wallpaper every time they come over for game night.
If anyone knows of a one-shot or fanfiction where Danny's parents abuse him and hes adopted. Batman is his real dad and when Bruce learns of Danny he goes and saves him because he's like nobody's gonna abuse my son! Please tell me!
Pfft- 🤣
BatDad doesn't know words like peace and tranquility. Batman: Wayne family adventures - Episode 34: Recovery
If any of the robins played with dolls out of boredom- let’s just say we’d be worried-
Dick: the one who mostly be normal and play house
Jason: DRAMATIC DRAMA AND SAD STORIES- Bruce and Alfred always look at him in concern.
Tim: mostly acting like they’re on a spy mission and hacking shit-
Damian: ...Murder.
Jason would definitely send this.
But here’s the kicker- if he was dead for like 5 years or something and he comes back to like new slang? Ohohoooo you best believe he won’t know what it means until someone tells him.
(Also I saw this from someone but I forgot who it was-)
Jason: I enjoy the thought of BDSM
Dick: *starts to choke* WHAT-
*everyone is now staring*
Jason: Why are you all looking at me like that.
Damian: Todd, I did not wish for you to speak about your...Strange kinks.
Tim: I mean...we all should’ve seen this coming
Cass/Barbara: *DYING OF LAUGHTER*
Duke: dude- you know what that means right?
Jason: yeah? I’m not dumb.
Dick: Jason it means- *whispers it to him*
Jason: -okay maybe I am dumb- HOWEVER- I’m not wrong either.
Bruce: ..We still love you Jason no matter wha-
Damian: No we don’t.
Dick might be the one who is holding the leash on Damian and Tim but it is Jason who is holding the leash on Dick-
It’s gonna be his problem if he accidentally loses dick with the rest of the batboys at a carnival or something-
(Please send headcanons- I would like to draw them or something-)
(Inspired by incorrectbatfam)
The doodle was by me and the quote was from the lovely @incorrect-waynemanor ✨
*Jason, randomly holding Damian in his lap as he reads a book, Damian’s just reading with him*
Dick: *Whispering* so what’s up with them? They’re never this...clingy-
Tim: *whispering back* I don’t know- they haven’t spoken to anyone unless it’s between them since we got back from patrol...
Dick: you think they’re sick...?
Tim: have to be.
Bruce: No, it’s because Damian now found out Jason can read him stories before bed for free.
Dick/Tim: oh
Dick: *sniffs* they grow up so fast...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Damian: Todd.
Jason: Damia-
Damian: *cutting him off* Read me a story. Read me...
Pride and prejudice.
Jason:
Damian:
Jason: Get your little ass tucked under those blankets.
Wing AU is fucking me up rn, Jason is literally the type of bitch who just doesn’t care to clean his wings so the others have to do it for him. Spoiled
Dick: Jaybird! :D
Jason: *scoots away*
Dick: Jay- I didn’t even say anything yet- why’re you moving away from me??
Jason: I know you well enough to expect the unexpected from you.
Dick: I- I JUST WANTED TO HELP YOU CLEAN YOUR WINGS???
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Tim:
Jason:
Jason: So-
Tim: *on the verge of falling asleep* Turn around.
Jason:
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Damian: Todd, Grayson has just informed me of the mini ceremony of wing cleaning. I have come to take part in this care.
Jason: ...Brat, it’s fucking 3 in the morning...go the fuck away.
Damian: You can sleep then, I have no problem doing it with you asleep.
Jason: BUT I HAVE A PROBLEM WITH IT- GET OUt!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Bruce: Jas-
Jason: I rather die again.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Jason: *sitting on the couch reading a book* (Refuses to sit next to Bruce.)
Bruce: *sitting on the couch as well just reading a newspaper*
Dick: Hey Jaybird! Hey B! Do you mind if I use the TV?
Jason: Sure, I don’t care.
Bruce: Yeah go ahead
Dick: so- wheres the remote?
Jason: *Shrug* Idfk.
Bruce: Uhm I’m not sure, did you check the coffee table?
Dick: yeah it’s not there-
Bruce: Huh weird-
Dick: Hey B, can you get up?
Bruce: Dick, I’m sure I’m not sitting on it-
Dick: Then get up.
Bruce: Wh- Dick do you not trust my word?
Dick: I don’t trust peoples word if they don’t tell me that my little sibling was nearly beaten to death by a crowbar by a man in clowns makeup and then getting blown up. Get. Up.
Bruce: *Speechless*
Jason: *Trying to contain his cackling*
If the batbro had to put of those patches for it to resemble period cramps..
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
{Dick}
Would probably be strained and be on the couch wrapped in blankets with ice cream, crying about the pain
“Brucccceeeeeeeeeeee- Timmmmmmmmmmmm- damiiiiiiiiiiiii- Jas-“
“SHUT THE FUCK UP.”
*Cries*
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
{Jason}
Would be cocky for the first half but give into the pain and curse like a sailor and have cravings for Alfreds food
“GOD DAMNIT! Alfred can you make something- anything as long as it’s from you..?”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
{Tim}
Probably either handle this the best or worse- but either way he would be stuck in his room yelling in a pillow or just sleeping through it all-
“Zzz...”
“Lucky bastard.”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
{Damian}
The screamer. This mf DOESNT SHUT UP UNTIL ITS OVER. And complains 24/7
“Father! I demand to know when this ends!”
“Damian Calm dow-“
“DO NOT TELL ME TO CALM DOWN.”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Cass/Steph: Pathetic.
Favorite Robin:
Dick: Oh please, if anything I was the favorite robin-
Tim: No way! I was the favorite!
Damian: You both are fools, I’m the blood born, hence. I’m the favorite automatically.
Alfred: Master Damian, that’s not how it works..
*they all argue except Alfred*
Bruce: *Walks in* what is going on in here?
Damian: Father, we are all speculating who was your favorite robin.
Bruce: My favorite..? Oh!
*everyone listening quietly*
Bruce: It was Jason. *walks away with everyone in shock*
Alfred: Understandable.
Get scared:
Steph/Dick: jumps a bit
Tim: Makes a noise or just stares you down
Damian: Tiny Flinch
Jason/Cass: *Pulls gun out*
Duke: Literally screams
Bruce: Is the one scaring without trying
!!Jason being the favorite son/Robin!!
Bruce: *is pissed* Who broke my 25,000 Dollar lamp?
Dick: Jason.
Tim: Jason.
Damian: Todd.
Jason: Me! *smirking knowing that it probably pisses Bruce off*
Bruce: *suddenly mellow and smiling* Thanks, that lamp was ugly anyways!
Everyone else: WHAT!!? (knowing they would be in real trouble)
Jason:
Jason: What.