Bargaining - Tumblr Posts
Katrina, my dear:
The heart is a unique creature.
It has a mind if its own.
I cannot simply demand of it to stay put when it wants to chase butterflies (or ghosts of them for that matter).
One day,
When you have the time, the resources and the courage;
Tell me you do not have any regard, at all, for me and for the future we had once planned.
By then, perhaps, perhaps this heart could falter and stop its vain attempts of being reciprocated.
But until then—
Until then
Let me be someone who still wants a space in your life even when you needlessly hit her with your arrows and bar her out of your life.
Maybe, just maybe,
I find it hard to believe that someone who claims to have loved me as deep will drown in shallow waters.
Thus, this hope in embers refuses to die.
Meet me in the same plane,
Outside the comfort of that room you have built where I do not exist.
Meet me without your inhibitions,
Just as you are, as I have known and loved;
Meet me in the same plane
And I’ll gladly accept defeat.
But until then,
Until then allow me to bruise
(No, that is an understatement)
Allow me to crush my ego
Beneath your unyielding walls.
Allow me to chase my last shot of happiness with you.
Allow me to make you remember.
Allow me to apologize for my mistakes.
They say there are five stages of grief. Denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. We’ll I’d like to add one more… Revenge. Cruella (2021)
I feel for this person so much. I once accidentally deleted over three hundred open tabs which consisted of my favourite fanfics, mangas, comics, shows, etc. and believe me when I say that that made me want to absolutely kill myself.
The sheer amount of work and time put into those tabs was enough to make me cry and question my existence in this cruel world.
Whumpril 2023
Pleasure in Pain #5
Day 2: “Get some rest.”
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I know I’m a day behind, school isn’t helping, but I still want to write so I’m just going to go at my own pace.
Contents: TW amputation, TW blood, Chainsaw, Vampire Whumpee, Lady Whumper, Whumper Turned Whumpee.
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Lilith had her arms crossed across her chest, her fingers tapping rhythmically on her bicep. Her eyes were scanning Cordova’s body top to bottom. She finally fixed her eyes to his feet and Cordova’s gaze followed.
“You know, I might have been able to help your legs heal faster by cleaning them up, but your feet are in no position to heal anytime soon. I could cut them off if you want them to heal faster.”
Cordova’s eyes widened. He was finding it harder to believe that she spoke of the act of amputation so nonchalantly. Of course he didn’t want to lose any limbs, he knew they would grow back, but who would wish to be amputated, let alone experience the pain? “N-no it’s fine, I-I can wait for them to heal.”
“Oh please, I’m providing you the mercy of amputating your limbs that have basically become ash. You won’t accept my help?”
“I-it’s not that. I-I just, um, I’ve been without bl-”, Should I say that? What good would it do to tell her I need blood? She obviously knows that and hasn’t offered. “I’m not exactly healing at the highest rate right now.”
“That’s true, you need blood to keep up with your regeneration. Either way, the dead skin has to come off somehow and I don’t have hours to just to peel it off myself.”
She turns around and walks straight to the tools, more like torture devices, and hovers her hand above them as if trying to feel for the right one. She reached to her right and grabbed a chainsaw.
“I think this one would be able to do just the trick. It’ll be able to go straight through the bone. This is definitely the most efficient way. I promise it’ll be worth it.”
Lilith crept forward, teasing the sound of the saw. Cordova’s body shivered. She stood in front of him, holding the chainsaw so that it grazed his right foot. He twitched at the cold steel and his heart rate exponentially increasing with every individual tooth of the saw that took turns touching his skin. “I-I d-don’t think tha-”.
“Didn’t you say you were going to cooperate? That I could do anything I wanted? Why are you being so defiant when you know it won’t change the outcome?”
“I-I’m just-”, scared, “-will you get it over with quickly?”
“If you don’t struggle, it shouldn’t take more than 10 minutes. I’ve had practice.”
Lilith places the saw firmly just above his right ankle. Cordova’s whole body tensed, his fingernails squeezing into his palms, he shut his eyes and faced away as if it would help him forget about what’s about to transpire.
“I’ll tell you what, tomorrow I’ll tell my husband to not do anything to you, so you can heal. Aaannd if you behave, then I’ll consider throwing in some pigs blood.”
Was she seriously bargaining right now? Of course I don’t want to get hurt, and pigs blood tastes like shit but it’s better than nothing. Cordova simply nodded hoping that was enough for her as he prepared himself. Lilith took that as her cue to start immediately.
The sound of the chainsaw echoed off the walls and filled Cordovas ears. The moment the chain hacked into his flesh his shut jaw was pried open by his drowned out screams. He could feel his blood splatter onto his thighs and hands. He reeled his head back as far as the table would allow. His wrists pressed into the silver restraints causing a searing pain that couldn’t compete against what he was experiencing. The chainsaw, relentless, moved passed the muscle and tendons and provided a new sensation that stopped any noise from coming out of his mouth. The chain hit his bone with a force that caused it to rattle up his right leg. Cordova swore he could feel it crack with the power of an earthquake. His foot was hanging slightly off on one side, practically doing some of the work for Lilith as it pulled on the other side. She finished but cutting off the remaining flesh. His foot hit the ground with a thud as the chainsaws visceral sound died down. Cordova hadn’t realized he was crying until he heard his own sobs, he grimaced as he inhaled sharply as if trying to keep his screams to himself.
“One more~”, Lilith said in a singly voice.
Before Cordova could mentally prepare himself, Lilith started to repeat what she had done to his left foot. Halfway through, Cordova was barely conscious, not making a single noise, eyes fluttering. His other foot dropped to the floor. Lilith placed the chainsaw down on the floor and picked his feet up like they were shoes. She walked towards the table and pulled out a waste bin dropping both into it. She wiped her hands on her coat and picked up the chainsaw as to put it back where she found it. Lilith pressed the button and the table leveled itself out horizontally. Cordova didn’t react, if anything it made it easier for him to slip into unconsciousness. Lilith made her way out, but before closing the door she turned to look at Cordova.
“Get some rest.”
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Date: April 2, 2023
Taglist: @turn-the-tables-on-them @whumpril
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