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The Hobbit, but all of the dwarves are played by Julia Roberts.

you guys seemed to enjoy my cringe-fail legolas sexy gimli post so here’s some more of my thoughts ab that dynamic:

-when legolas goes home and announces his engagement to gimli thranduil is shocked but every other elf is like “yeah checks out. that kid’s always been a little weird.”

-gimli goes home to announce his engagement to legolas and every dwarf promptly loses their SHIT at the fact that THE gimli, son of gloin, is betrothed. only to further lose their shit at the fact that it’s to that weird elf prince that they have never heard speak unless to send some sort of diplomatical message for his father but some dwarflings once saw him sobbing in front of a tree in the middle of a rainstorm while gripping a fallen branch.

-thranduil only gives his blessing to the proposal once he realises just how angry all of erebor is that their most eligible bachelor, gimli, the silver-tongued battle ready diplomant and descendant of kings, has been stolen away by thranduils weird tree-hugging naked star gazing hippie son.

I'm bored so I made this atrocity.

"Hate you, Bilbo" this is how I'm signing all official documents from this day until I die and my cats eat me.

Dear Lobelia:

It is my pleasure to announce that my birthday is almost here, and with it a huge party. There will be more food than any hobbit can eat, desserts prepared by the best chefs in Hobbiton, and of course, gifts that I bought without skimping a penny. So now I personally invite you to don't come to my party.

Hate you, Bilbo.

My favorite part of the Fellowship of the Ring movie is during the council of Elrond scene, when Gimli says “and my axe”, and Legolas briefly looks into the camera like he’s on an episode of The Office.

I wish I had the confidence of Thranduil bringing a travel throne with him to battle.

My kitchen is being upgraded and I've been without hot water for four days, but it’s fine because I'm depressed and I wasn't going to shower anyway.

"Through caverns deep..."

Bilbo deciding to join the Company after hearing Thorin sing

fictional men love to die as violently and homoerotically as possible at the soonest available opportunity honestly it’s like they’re looking for an excuse

I literally made a noise that made my friend uncomfortable the first time we saw him on the screen. So. Hot.

Can't believe people are saying that Rings of Power made Elrond unfuckable when the entire time I'm watching it I can only think about fucking Elrond

Way back when I worked with kids for a while my colleagues asked me about how I got them to quiet down and listen so quickly whenever I was alone with them.

I just told them I didn't know because I thought it was embarrassing to admit that all I did was channel my inner Aragorn, son of Arathorn, heir of Isildur and Rightful King of Gondor.

I simply held my hands out palms down, and said, in a deep, quiet voice.

"Peace".

It was always met with complete and utter silence and a bunch of kids staring at me, confused.

Try it.

Elrond: What happens when you die?

Maglor: You go to The Halls of Mandos.

Elrond: No, I mean when you die, do I get your stuff?

I had the most realistic dream about Rivendell last night. The only thing that made me realise it wasn't real was Elrond wearing sunglasses.

One of my favourite scenes

I wish I lived in Middle-earth, then perhaps I could pay my rent with a sheep and some turnips.

”I sit beside the fire and think

of how the world will be

when winter comes without a spring

that I shall ever see.

For still there are so many things

that I have never seen:

in every wood in every spring

there is a different green.

I sit beside the fire and think

of people long ago,

and people who will see a world

that I shall never know.”

- J. R. R. Tolkien