Hello Friend! Thank You For Your Valuable Contribution To Bird Discourse (or As It Is Known In Prosumer

Hello friend! Thank you for your valuable contribution to Bird Discourse (or as it is known in Prosumer Ornithographical circles: Bourse). 

While ordinarily we here at The Academy of Bird Sciences welcome any and all corrections in the name of scientific cooperation and education, in this specific instance it appears you are in error: the photo you have attached is an Eastern Meadowlark, sister species to the Western Meadowlark described above. Do not be dismayed, this sort of mistake happens all of the time! They look quite similar but can be differentiated by the fact that Eastern Meadowlarks are incapable of terrestrial locomotion, as you can see in the above photograph. While ordinarily this would be a minor impairment to other birds, these skyborne Sturnella are quite able to hunt and eat enough aerial insect life to sustain their unceasing flapping.

Thank you again for your Bourse and have a nice day!

Incapable of traditional flight, Western Meadowlarks maneuver through the world by leaping with powerful legs. Capable of jumping three times their body’s length completely vertically, these springy Sturnella are hardly hampered by the lack of flying ability; many casual observers have been fooled into believing they take wing due to the speed and precision of their numerous jumps. Above, a pair of meadowlarks judge the leaping form of a third.

Name: Rufous Jacamar Occupation: Exterminator

“I guess really I just always wanted to keep the outdoors outdoors, you know? Even when I was a little chick I would get so upset if even so much as an ant wandered into the nest. Now that I’m grown I can actually do something about it, and it doesn’t hurt none that people pay me for it!” Rufous chuckles, and adds “I think that’s the only thing keeping it from being a perfect job; if it paid maybe a bit better I think I’d consider retiring, or just maybe take a week or two’s vacation every few months. Ha! I bet I wouldn’t stop working even then, with all the stuff I hear about tropical getaways with crawlies all over. Yeah, on a second think I’ll probably keep this up until the day I die.”

Name: Temminck Tragopan

Occupation: Convicted sex offender (formerly: comedian)

“It’s... I mean it wasn’t supposed to be that big a deal. Yes, in retrospect I can see how it might be considered inappropriate given it was an outdoor show, but the promoters changed it up to an all-ages audience without telling me and besides! You gotta understand what the atmosphere was at the time. Everybody loved that movie! Look it up, the highest grossing film of all time at the box office. So with that in mind it just seems a bit hypocritical for everybody to pass judgement on me for an inflatable novelty tie in the middle of a comedy routine, especially since probably half the audience was looking that sort of thing up at home! It really seems to me a matter for the fashion police and not for the, you know, the actual guns-and-yelling police. I don’t see why I have to be punished so harshly for working blue.”

Natural tetrominoes, White-breasted Nuthatches often interrupt the construction of other birds’ nests by either destroying them or simply sitting on top of a vital structural section preventing further building. While there is currently no scientific explanation for this behaviour, a plurality of field researchers suggest it is due to these birds just being assholes, and further nobody likes them anyway. Above, a White-breasted Nuthatch takes a look at the structural underpinnings of a nest being built by a Robin (offscreen) in order to best disrupt the building process..

Given life by the same fell energies which animate magical snowpersons, Snowy Owls require similar sacrifices of unpopular children in order to keep themselves from spontaneous dissolution. Fortunately for these frosty-feathered hunters, an individual child can sustain a specimen for up to a metric fortnight assuming that temperatures remain appropriately cold. Above, a Snowy Owl displays some of the early signs of depleted energy; the darker and more numerous the markings on the wings and body, the sooner it must devour a human child for sustenance.

“I wouldn’t call it debilitating, really, but at the same time it’s not exactly a flight through the park. It’s depression. Yeah sure, everybody gets sad sometimes and they think that’s what it means but it’s not that I feel down in the dumps; it’s more that a lot of the time I don’t feel much of anything at all. Like I got high on life too many times and built up a tolerance to the uplifting serenity and hope in a fuckin’ sunrise or whatever. Granted, there are a lot of birds out there got it way worse than I do, can’t even leave their nest on some mornings, but it’s still kind of shitty to spend a weekend playing with my kid and barely be able to reciprocate her joy, you know? So yeah, I’m functional, but I’m not here. And that’s not fair, not to me or my kid, and I want to do something about it, but it’s just so... nothing.”