Tell Me Later

Tell Me Later

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Angstember Prompt -  “I'm so sorry.”

When the war started you thought you had prepared for the worst, you worked tirelessly with your parents to ensure your planet was as protected as it could be. You made sure your people would have food supplies in case anything happened with the trade system, made sure you were well armed in case of an attack.

You thought you had prepared for the worst. So when you received the announcement that your parents ship had been blown up and there were no survivors, you didn’t know how to react. 

There was no time to grieve. In the space of a day you had gone from working behind the scenes to ensure your planet's safety to taking your family’s seat in the Senate, a position you had never wanted and taking up the position as ruler of your planet. 

You had been raised with the intention to take the seat, it had always been expected of you but you never wanted it. The responsibility alone was too much for you to shoulder, on top of that the sleazy politicians only got sleazier since the war started. You had no interest in stooping to their level, of promising one thing only to stab people in the back to help themselves, you had no interest in turning your back on your people to play the political field. 

The days after your parents’ death were a blur, you barely remembered anything from that time. You’d spent most of it trying to keep yourself composed in public before breaking down in private when the weight of things got too much. 

You don’t think you would have made it through the first day alone without Anakin. 

You and Anakin had been friends for years. Back when the Jedi were only Peacekeepers rather than Generals of the war, Anakin and his Master had been assigned to your planet to aid in discussions between your parents and the Senators of a neighbouring planet. 

You had been excited to see real life Jedi, the stories of them had been told for years all throughout the galaxy and you were always excited to learn what you could about them. 

Anakin and you had only been young back then, both easily bored at the discussion between the two planets. Your mother had noticed quickly and during one of the breaks had dismissed you, suggesting to Obi-Wan that Anakin accompany you. Obi-Wan had smiled warmly at your mother before sending Anakin and you off. 

You had been slightly nervous to be around the boy alone that first time, he was a Jedi and you had about a million questions on the tip of your tongue with no courage to ask any. Anakin could sense your nerves and excitement and grinned over at you. 

That grin seemed to be all it took to break the unease you felt and you found yourself grinning back at him. The two of you went to your chambers and Anakin was more than happy to answer all the questions you could think to ask. 

Negotiations and talks lasted longer than anyone had originally thought but neither you nor Anakin complained, not when it meant you got months to get to know each other. 

The two months passed by faster than either of you would have liked. You had spent that time showing Anakin around your planet, royal guards following the pair of you as you roamed around despite the fact Anakin was a Jedi. More often than not the two of you escaped the guards, laughing whilst you did, before taking each other’s hand to explore some more. 

It was the freest Anakin had felt in his life. He had thought leaving Tatooine would allow him more freedom but he quickly realised the Jedi had their own sets of rules and restrictions. Being here with you, away from his duties, was amazing, he hated that they had to leave your home world. 

It wasn’t too long before you were seeing each other again though. Two years passed, years in which you thought about Anakin more than you’d admit to anybody. This time the Jedi Padawan and Master had been sent to your planet after the second assassination attempt on your family, the first being on your mother and the second being on you. 

It was wonderful to see Anakin again and Anakin clearly felt the same way as he rushed over to you, a bright smile on his face as he greeted you. The smile dimmed slightly as he asked you if you were okay, his hand coming up to rest on your arm. Your smile widened at the touch though, only yesterday you had been terrified after barely escaping the assassins but now you weren’t scared at all. 

How could you be when Anakin was here?

It was easy to forget about the attempt on your life with Anakin back with you, instead of spending your time worrying over it you focused on the Padawan, catching up with each other and everything you had missed in those two years apart. 

This visit was much longer. Four months later and the people responsible for the attempts on the lives of you and your mother hadn’t been caught and the Jedi hadn’t stopped them from trying again. First it was your father on his way back from a meeting, then your mother again when she visited the hospital and its sick patients and then you.

Anakin had been furious when you stumbled back to the palace, gown ripped and covered in mud. It was rare for the two of you not to be at each other’s side but that morning Anakin and Obi-Wan had been called to meet with the Jedi Council via holocomm and you had only ventured into the palace gardens. 

Anakin didn’t ever leave your side after that and you never complained. You were glad to have him back and were more than content to stay by his side. The palace was big enough to pass the time but it got boring quickly, you and Anakin were both used to sneaking out and going to private spots the two of you had found far away from anybody else but Anakin refused to take the risk, refused to bend the rules when it came to your safety.

It was boring, even if you did love the company. Anakin sat on the floor, legs crossed and eyes closed as he completed his morning hour long meditation session that Obi-Wan enforced despite Anakin’s complaining. You, much like Anakin, couldn’t see the appeal of meditation but always joined him, laying back on the floor, your head resting close to his knee as you waited for him to finish.

Halfway through you sat up, noticing the way his eyebrow raised slightly but he kept his eyes shut. You saw his lightsaber laying next to him and couldn’t help but reach out. Over the years, over the months you’d known Anakin and Obi-Wan, you had never become less intrigued with the Jedi, still questioned Anakin daily on things you wondered about and Anakin was always happy to answer you, though on many occasions he seemed to fabricate his own stories but you were never less than happy to listen to them with a smile and laughter.

You held the hilt of the lightsaber in your hand, running your fingers along the length of it and twirling it around in your hands, missing Anakin’s soft smile as he opened his eyes, never having been meditating anyway. 

“Would you like to try it?” Anakin asked, causing you to look up at him with knitted eyebrows.

“What?” You asked back, causing his smile to widen into a grin as he stood up, holding a hand out for you to take. 

You took the hand and let him pull you up, following him with your eyes as he walked around you, his arms wrapping around yours as he took your empty hand and wrapped it around the lightsaber. 

“Here, hold it like this.” He told you and you followed the instruction, desperately trying to ignore the way his hands felt over yours. “Good, now you want to move it like this.” He said, voice quiet against your ear and you forced yourself not to shiver.

Anakin guided your hands, weaving patterns through the air before he stepped back and beamed over at you, watching as you returned the gesture even as you looked a little flustered. Anakin didn’t think much of it, not when his own heart was racing so quickly and he drew his mental shields even higher to stop any emotions seeping through his bond with Obi-Wan.

“Now press this button and do it again.” Anakin told you, taking another step back as you ignited the lightsaber, holding it out in front of you like it was going to hurt you. 

Anakin couldn’t help but chuckle and moved around to your side again.

“Relax,” He murmured, the way he spoke caused you to do the complete opposite and you cursed yourself, having no idea why you were suddenly acting like this. You had just about forced your body to relax when Anakin wrapped his hand around you again. “Just like before, it won’t hurt you.”

Despite the mess of emotions inside you that you couldn’t figure out, trying to push them far away until you were in bed and could work through them, you had to admit it was exciting wielding a lightsaber. 

Eventually Anakin pulled away again and watched as you moved as he instructed, a feeling in his chest, soft and light and singing with happiness. He knew he liked you, though the Code forbade it, he knew his heart belonged to you. He was determined to keep you safe, to keep you happy and watching you dance around with his lightsaber, a laugh falling from your lips he knew he was right.

His heart truly belonged to you.

The Jedi stayed two more months, two months filled with Anakin teaching you how to use his lightsaber. Months filled with the two of you alternating between trying to figure out your feelings and pushing them deep down in an attempt to ignore them. Months spent constantly at each other's side and growing closer as the days passed.

Eventually though they were forced to leave after having completed their job and you hadn’t thought you would ever be upset at having the people attempting to kill your family captured but here you were, pouting as Anakin’s ship took him far away from you, not knowing when you’d see him again.

Anakin insisted on being the one to go to your planet, pleaded with Obi-Wan, snapped at Master Windu before arguing to the Council that he and Obi-Wan had been to your planet on two separate occasions, spending months at a time with you, arguing that you had just lost your family and they would be familiar, that you wouldn’t have to be on edge around them.

Obi-Wan watched his former Padawan make solid and convincing arguments and yet he saw through each one of them. He had been there, he had seen the two of you together and he knew Anakin hadn’t managed to push you from his mind since the last time you had met. He saw the worry in Anakin’s eyes, felt the panic and fear for you through their bond though Anakin desperately tried to shield those feelings. 

Eventually the Council agreed and Anakin practically dragged Obi-Wan from the room, only pausing as they saw Ahsoka waiting outside for them. He expected Anakin to fill his Padawan in but instead he carried on down the hallway, gesturing for her to follow them with a nod of his head. Ahsoka shot Obi-Wan a confused, questioning look but he just shook his head and let Anakin lead their way to the hangar bay.

“Is the General alright, Sir?” Rex asked him quietly as the ship was loaded. Anakin had long since grown restless, pacing the length of the room as he waited until they could leave.

Every minute he spent here was a minute you spent alone, alone and unprotected. If anything happened to you Anakin would never forgive himself.

“The Princess is a dear friend of his.” Obi-Wan said softly, his eyes following Anakin, his distress could be felt clearly through the Force. 

His eyes moved around the room until they landed on Ahsoka, the young Padawan clearly feeling her Master’s emotions as she stared at him, wide eyed and concerned, never having seen Anakin in such a state.

Thankfully it wasn’t much longer before they were leaving Coruscant, not that it improved Anakin’s mood much but he had finally stopped pacing and sat heavily across from Obi-Wan. 

“Calm yourself, Anakin,” Obi-Wan murmured softly, not surprised when Anakin’s head shot up to glare at him. “She’ll be fine.”

“You can’t know that Master!” He snapped, fists clenched in his lap, “You don’t know that.”

Over the years Obi-Wan had bore witness to many of Anakin’s emotional outbursts, times when he was too wound up to use the techniques he had taught him and calm himself enough to handle a situation rationally. Yet in all that time he had never seen Anakin quite like this. 

Anakin no longer had a grip on his mental shields and Obi-Wan could feel the worry and fear for you more strongly than he had back in the hangar bay. Every second that passed Anakin’s fear only grew. There were no coherent thoughts, only a mess of what if’s and what could be’s if they didn’t get to you in time.

Obi-Wan had no idea how to handle the situation, he was completely at a loss and cursed himself for not having a conversation with Anakin years ago about you and attachments and his commitment to the Code.

Apparently it was too late for that now. 

Now all he could do was try and make Anakin focus on the mission rather than on his overwhelming worry.

“We need a plan, Anakin.” Obi-Wan said, his tone firm and Anakin only continued to glare at him. “If you want to protect your Princess then you have to focus. So far we know that an attack on Astal hasn’t been ordered but with the death of the King and Queen we don’t know what the Separatist plan is.”

“We have to get her out of there.” Anakin said, the glare finally wiped from his face as he sat straighter in his seat. “They’ll come for her. Her parents swore themselves and their people to the Republic. They’ll try and turn her to their side but she’ll never join so the only option for them is to kill her and take the planet by force. I won’t let that happen, Obi-Wan.” There was so much conviction in Anakin’s tone that Obi-Wan truly believed him, he believed Anakin would take on the entire Separatist army alone should they dare come for you.

“We both know she won’t leave.” Obi-Wan said, he might not have spent as much time with you as Anakin had but he knew you well enough to know your strength and determination, you wouldn’t leave your people. Anakin knew it as well judging by the way he huffed and sank into his seat.

“I wish she would.” Anakin muttered to himself but he knew you’d never do it, if he even dared suggest it to you he knew you’d scoff and brush past him, not even entertaining the idea. “How long until we arrive?” 

“We’re minutes away, General.” Cody told them as he entered the room and everyone got to work so that by the time they landed, weapons were quickly taken from the ship as everyone prepared for what was to come.

Anakin paid no mind to the Clones working around him, instead he practically ran off the ship, Obi-Wan and Ahsoka close behind. You were already waiting for them and Anakin made his way over to you straight away, not hesitating to pull you into his arms. He felt you tense against him before melting into his chest a second later, your whole body shaking as your hands came up to grip his robes.

Anakin held you tightly, one arm wrapped around you, the other tangled in your hair as he held you to his chest, your head tucked under his chin and the two of you stood there, ignoring your surroundings as you cried.

You didn’t know how long passed, it felt like hours when really it was only a few minutes but eventually you pulled away. Not going too far but far enough so you could look up at him, his face soft as he smiled sadly down at you, bringing the hand in your hair to wipe your tears.

“I’m so sorry.” He whispered, watching as you took a shaky breath and nodded whilst trying to compose yourself before you forced a smile onto your face.

“Thank you for coming.” You whispered back, voice breaking as you tried to hold back tears, something that was made impossibly harder by Anakin guiding your head to his lips, pressing them gently against your forehead.

“Of course,” He murmured against your head, “I’m not going to let anything happen to you.” 

The two of you finally pulled away and you turned to Obi-Wan, smiling shakily over at him.

“It’s nice to see you again, Milady, I only wish it was under better circumstances. I truly am sorry for your loss, your parents were wonderful people.” Obi-Wan told you softly and you had to swallow against the sudden lump in your throat.

“Thank you, Obi-Wan and thank you for coming. There’s nobody I trust more with my people’s safety.” You told him and Obi-Wan smiled sadly at you. “They’re going to attack, aren’t they?”

“So far we haven’t received word from our inside man about their next plans but we can only assume targeting Astal is their next goal.” Anakin told you quietly and you nodded, taking another shaky breath.

“Obi-Wan, you know your way around the palace,” You said and Obi-Wan nodded, “I’ll leave you to prepare with your men. I have to deal with the Senate.” 

You gave them a final forced smile before turning away. You hadn’t gotten far before you heard footsteps behind you and you smiled to yourself as you slowed your steps, allowing Anakin to walk alongside you.

“I wish we would stop meeting because your life is in danger.” Anakin told you and you couldn’t stop the small, watery laugh that escaped you causing Anakin to smile. “Really, if you wanted to see me so badly you could have commed me.”

“I’m glad you’re here, Anakin.” You told him softly and Anakin reached over and entwined his fingers with yours, giving your hand a gentle squeeze.

Despite everything you still couldn’t help but focus on the feeling, glad to know that the feeling of sparks and electricity were still there despite how much time had passed since your last meeting. Anakin truly was what you needed right now, suddenly thrust into power with everybody looking towards you, it was overwhelmingly frightening, you hadn’t had a second to mourn and yet you felt like you could breathe easier since Anakin arrived.

“I’d have come even if the Council forbid it.” He told you honestly and you felt that old familiar rush of warmth run through you, wishing more than ever things were different.

Two days passed, days were Anakin and you fell back into an easy old routine, spending the days at each other's side. Anakin found himself in your chambers at nights, you couldn’t sleep, not with the constant nightmares and Anakin was more than happy to stay awake with you. 

Sometimes you had too much pent up nervous energy and during those time Anakin unholstered his lightsaber and pushed it into your hands, telling you to show him what you remembered. Your form was still pretty good considering how long it had been but Anakin didn’t miss the opportunity to step behind you, his arms wrapping your body against his and you weren’t stopping him. You had missed his touch every day.

Other times the two of you sat on the sofa, Anakin’s arm around you as you cried into his chest, no words were exchanged during those times. There was nothing to be said to make things better, all Anakin could do was hold you close and let you know you weren’t alone.

It was on the third day of Anakin, Obi-Wan and the Clones being there that the Separatist arrived with no warning but thankfully you were prepared. The Clones moved easily into position and Anakin and you walked to meet Obi-Wan and Ahsoka.

“Stay in the palace.” Anakin told you, hands on your shoulders as he looked you in the eyes, seeing that spark of determination in them.

“They killed my parents, I’m ending this.” You told him, stubborn as always.

“I know they did,” He sighed, moving one of his hands to cup your cheek as he rested his forehead against yours. “But I need to be able to concentrate out there and I can’t do that, not knowing you're there and I can’t protect you.”

“Anakin,” You protested but he interrupted you.

“Please baby,” He whispered, the words desperate as he pleaded with you, he knew he had to stop the Separatists before they could get to you, he couldn’t focus if he had to constantly keep one eye on you.

“Ok.” You said softly, heat rising to your cheeks at the name but you didn’t address it, instead you agreed with him and moved to pull back only for Anakin to pull you back to him.

“If anything happens-” He started but you shook your head, covering the hand cupping your cheek with your own.

“Don’t,” You told him, locking eyes with him, “Don’t, you’re going to be fine, I’m going to be fine.”

“Y/N, you have to know, I have to tell you-”

“Tell me later, yeah? Come find me as soon as you’re done, ok? Tell me then.” You said, turning your face so you could press a kiss to his palm and it was then Obi-Wan finally cleared his throat, he had given you as much time as he could but they really needed to go.

You watched from inside the palace walls as droids filled the city as they attempted to make their way up towards the palace. From this high up you could see bodies of people, see the Clones laying motionless. Your heart ached, you wanted it to be over but not at the cost of joining the Separatists, you would never turn your back on what your parents had fought for.

You might not have wanted this job but it was yours and there was nothing you could do to change that and you would not turn your back on them.

As you watched the fight from the safety of the palace you heard a noise from out in the corridor, a loud bang that had you jumping as you whipped around. Even from here the sound of the droid army marching through the halls was loud. 

You took a deep breath and looked around the room, short of one blaster you didn’t have any weapons on you and had no idea where Anakin was. Looking around the room you cursed as the only exit was the one leading out to the army.

“Where are you Anakin?” You muttered to yourself, the sound of the army getting closer and before you knew it the door crashed open and a flood of droids entered the room. 

You took what little cover you could behind a pillar in the room, darting out and blasting as many of the droids as you could but there were too many, they swarmed the room until you were trapped. 

Then you heard the unmistakable sound of a lightsaber and breathed a sigh of relief. You peeked out from behind the pillar and saw Anakin in the doorway, unable to get to you even with the Force.

“Y/N!” He called and you locked eyes with him, watching in confusion as he threw his lightsaber in your direction, using the Force to make sure it got to you. “Remember what I taught you.” He shouted over the noise and even though you were absolutely terrified you didn’t hesitate to ignite the lightsaber and start dealing with the droids as Anakin used the Force.

“Ahsoka!” You heard him yell but you didn’t look over as she threw him one of her lightsabers' and the three of them got to work on the droids.

Eventually Anakin and you managed to make a path and the two of you stood back to back, lightsabers’ crashing into droids as more seemed to replace them.

“Are you regretting not letting me come with you right now?” You asked over your shoulder, a smile spreading across your face at the look he threw you before slicing through a droid.

“You wanna do this now?” He shot back and you laughed, twirling the lightsaber at a droid before it could shoot Anakin.

“I’m just saying-“ you started, laughing as Anakin cut you off. 

“Well can you just say later, I’d like to get out of this alive if that’s alright with you?” 

Even in the midst of the battle Obi-Wan couldn’t help but pause as he saw you wielding a lightsaber with more expertise than somebody who had never used one should have. 

Just what did you and Anakin get up to when you were alone? 

As the battle outside came to an end with the Clones and your army eventually beating the droid army, more of the Clones joined you in the palace and helped defeat the droids there. 

You were left panting for breath, sweat pooling on your forehead as you slumped against Anakin. Anakin didn’t hesitate to wrap you in his arms, his head falling against yours. Off to the side you could see Obi-Wan clap Ahsoka on the shoulder, murmuring something to her and handing her off to one of the clones whose armour was decorated in blue, one of Anakin’s men your mind supplied distantly. 

“You could pass for a real Jedi.” Anakin laughed softly into your hair causing you to chuckle and shift so you could look up at him, his hand coming up to cup your cheek again.

“What can I say, you’re a good teacher.” You whispered to him, a smirk spreading across your face as he flushed red so prettily.

Before Anakin had the chance to respond a Clone came up and apologised for the interruption but told you that the Chancellor and members of the Senate were waiting for you in the comms room whereas the Jedi were expected to contact the Council.

With a sigh you stepped out of Anakin’s hold but he didn’t let you go far as he caught you hand in his as the two of you walked the length of the room to where the two other Jedi waited. Anakin gave your hand a squeeze before letting go.

“Are you alright, Your Highness?” Obi-Wan asked you and you smiled over at him with a nod. 

“Yes, Master Kenobi, I’m alright. Thank you for all you’ve done for me and my people.” You told him and he smiled back at you, bowing his head slightly.

“It has been my honour.” He told you warmly before shooting Anakin a look and Anakin smiled sheepishly. “Now if you’ll excuse us we must talk with the Council, we should be back shortly.”

“Of course, please take your time. It seems I’ve been summoned before the Senate.” You said with a roll of your eyes causing the Jedi to laugh.

“Oh Snips,” Anakin said suddenly, pulling the lightsaber from where he had rested against his hip. “Thanks for that.” He said handing the lightsaber out to her and once she took it off him you held his out to him with a grin, missing the looks from Obi-Wan and Ahsoka. 

The two of you smiled at each other for a moment longer before you were called by one of the palace staff and you bid the Jedi goodbye before heading to the comms room.

“You taught her to use your lightsaber?” Obi-Wan asked once you were out of sight, turning to Anakin with an incredulous look and Anakin winced slightly. 

“She was curious! You know I can’t say no to her Obi-Wan. Besides, it came in handy, did it not?” Anakin grinned, smiling wider as Obi-Wan shot him an unimpressed look and the three Jedi made their way to one of the empty rooms, ready to fill the Council in on the events.

It felt like hours before the Chancellor finally dismissed you, asking far too many questions than what seemed necessary, a look in his eyes that left you feeling uneasy and all you wanted to do was put these last few days behind you. Not that the coming ones would be much easier but one could hope.

You made your way through the palace, thankfully most of it remained untouched as the droids seemed to know where to go to find you. You had no idea where Anakin was or if he had even finished briefing the Council so you let your feet carry you aimlessly through the halls before wandering out into the palace gardens, a smile making its way onto your face as you saw Anakin sat on one of the benches, already turning as he felt you through the Force.

“You did good today.” He told you, a tired smile pulling at his lips and you wrapped your arms around him, head against his chest, his heart beating strong and steady.

Anakin looked down at you in his arms and smiled wider, wrapping you in his arms and pulling you impossibly closer, content to just hold you, glad for the peace and to have a moment alone with you now the battle was won. 

Having you in his arms was everything he had dreamed about for years now, every night you seemed to visit him, soothing the nightmares, bringing joy to plain old dreams. There hadn’t been a day gone by where he hadn't thought of you, hadn’t longed for you. Over time he become familiar with living with such wanting, never quite growing used to it but learning to carry on with it in his head.

Now he held you close and he knew he wouldn’t be able to just up and leave again, going years without seeing you, without hearing from you. It would kill him, this he was sure about. 

Even after all this time his heart truly still belonged to you.

“Can I tell you now?” He whispered into your hair, feeling you smile into his chest before you pulled back far enough to look at him and nodded, Anakin’s hand coming up to cup your cheek. “I know the Jedi should not fall in love, I know that we should not form attachments but that first day I met you, you started carving out a place for yourself in my heart. We spent months together and then suddenly I had to leave and I was a mess for so long, I missed being by your side. Of course we were only young then so I didn’t realise just what you meant to me but then we came back and you still had this power over me and I realised what it was, I realised you owned my heart, I realised that I loved you, Y/N, I love you so much.”

It had been a long few days, you were running on little to no sleep, the adrenaline had given out at some point during your meeting with the Senate, they were all the excuses you came up with for the sudden stinging in your eyes but truthfully they were tears of relief. 

After everything that had happened it felt like the galaxy was offering you something good, extending the olive branch to get you to trust in it again. Your smile was confirmation enough that you were grabbing onto that branch and never letting go.

“I love you too, Anakin. I longed for the day you would return, though I wish the circumstances were better. I'm just glad you were here to help me carry the burden of these few days. For years I’ve missed you, wondered about you, dreamed of you. I hate that I realised I loved you too late, by the time I had sorted through my feelings you were already long gone back to Coruscant.” Anakin's thumb ran along your cheekbone before he moved it further down your face so he was cupping your jaw and slowly guided your lips close together, giving you a chance to pull away if you wanted to.

Like you could ever do such a thing. 

Instead of waiting for him to close the distance you did it yourself, leaning forward to meet his lips halfway and practically melting into it as he moved his lips against yours. It seemed like every cliché you’d ever read about was occurring, the world around you fading out into nothing, the sparks and fireworks, the butterflies in your stomach, all of it was real as Anakin held you gently in his hands and kissed you.

It was a soft kiss but it still conveyed so much, so much love, so much longing, so much joy and happiness and relief that this was finally happening. 

The two of you only pulled away from each other when the need for air became too much, Anakin resting his forehead against yours, his eyes were brighter than you had ever seen them, a beaming smile spreading across his face as he looked at you with so much love reflecting in your eyes.

Anakin was taken aback by how beautiful you looked, lips slightly swollen and curved into a smile, the love you felt reflected in your own eyes and he knew he could never leave you now. If he thought he was weak before he had been wrong, now that he had had one taste of you there was no way he could live without you.

It would be hard, neither of you were under any illusions that it wouldn’t be. There was still a war going on, one that would no doubt get worse as time passed, there was the matter of the Jedi Code forbidding Anakin from being involved with you at all, there was the matter of your new position as ruler of Astal. 

It would be hard work but both of you were prepared to go through the hard days so long as it meant you had each other. It didn’t matter that it would have to be a secret, it didn't matter that people would disapprove, the two of you were happy, the two of you were practically drowning in love and neither of you was prepared to give that up. 

____

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Happier Than Ever

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Prompt -  After the move from New York to Texas, the gang try to set Y/N up on several dates.

When your dad had first brought up Texas you hadn’t exactly been over the moon with the plan but there wasn’t much you could do to argue against it considering the circumstances surrounding why you were leaving. Besides there was no way TK would have moved out there without you and you would have hated home without him and your dad.

Now though it felt like this place was more like home than New York ever had been, something that you had thought would be impossible a few months ago. You’d had friends in New York of course but they were nothing compared to the friends you’d made in Texas, friends who you saw on a daily basis, friends who felt more like family even after only knowing them for such a short amount of time.

By all accounts not much should have changed for you really, you were working the same 9-1-1 operator job you’d had back in New York, your boss had been great helping with the transfer to the Texas call centre. You were on your way to getting your own apartment which you couldn’t wait for, much as you did enjoy living with your dad and TK.

And yet somehow everything felt different than it had in New York, it felt like you could be yourself here, let yourself enjoy your life properly instead of putting on a show for your friends.

Texas had no bad memories but New York…well New York was full of them. New York reminded you of days spent hesitating to answer your phone in fear of hearing that TK had been found in a ditch somewhere, that he was already dead or that he was too high to move and you had to find him in a drug den. New York was your mom and dad fighting whilst you and TK desperately tried to drown out the shouting.

Texas was better. Texas had a TK who had been clean since being here. It had your dad who seemed happier than you’d seen him in a long time. You hadn’t always been close with your dad, it took a while after the divorce for you and him to sort things out between each other, after countless apologies and talks the two of you were closer than ever.

Then there was TK. You had never not been close with TK, the two of you had been attached to each other's side for as long back as you could remember. Your twin brother, though if you asked TK he’d include the word older in there, he was older than you by a mere ten minutes and damn if he didn’t take the chance to tell anyone you met, always had your back even if it had been rough when he was using and you always tried to look out for him, tried to keep him alive.

You and your mom didn’t particularly get on well, your relationship with her was already strained but when you and your dad started getting along she hadn’t taken it well. You weren’t overly sad to leave her in New York but despite that you would always be grateful to her. She had been the one to do what you never could, she was the one that got TK into rehab and clean.

So when your dad called you one day you hadn’t been scared to answer the phone, TK had been clean for a while now and all the anxiety you had over answering calls was pretty much gone. Of course then he went and undid all that progress by telling you that TK had overdosed and he was in the hospital.

You had been shocked to say the least, devastated at the thought of TK using again. It seemed wrong, you’d seen him yesterday and he had seemed completely fine. It wasn’t until you got to the hospital and after wrapping you in a tight hug your dad told you that Alex had been cheating on TK. Your heart had ached, more so when you saw TK in the hospital bed and his eyes filled with tears as he hugged you.

It wasn’t long after that your dad told you both of the plan to move to Texas, TK was given no choice in the matter, he was leaving New York and he wasn’t going down that path again. Your dad had told you that if you wanted to stay in New York he’d understand, though the gutted look on his face told you he didn’t want that and the look TK had given him told you TK was ready to fight him on it.

You had about as much choice as TK had in the matter though, if your dad and TK were leaving New York then so were you. It’s not like there was much holding you there anyway.

You still remembered the conversation when TK had come over to your apartment, remembered how small he seemed as he curled up on your sofa and apologised that you had to uproot your entire life just because he was a failure. Your heart broke as you took a seat next to him and let him cuddle into you and you had spoken to him well into the early hours of the morning, promising you wanted to be with him and your dad no matter where that was. You knew he hadn’t been fully convinced, you knew it would take more than one conversation to make him believe it, but TK had nodded as you spoke and smiled at you, even if it was only a small one, and it wasn’t long after the two of you had fallen asleep together on the sofa.

From there it had been easier than you had thought to pack your things up and leave New York behind. Sure there was the sadness that came with leaving the place you had grown up in behind but you didn’t feel like you’d regret your decision.

And you hadn’t. Not weeks into being here, not months into being here. It felt easy to make Austin your home, it was easy to find a routine and settle in. It was worth it to see TK smile wider than he had done in New York, to watch him fall in love again with a guy you trusted to take care of him. It was easy to watch your dad make friends and hang out with them whenever their shift ended.

It was refreshing having a set of friends who actually seemed to care about you. You and Grace had made quick friends at the call centre on your first day when you had been introduced to her and placed on the desk opposite her. Conversation flowed easily between the two of you and it wasn’t long before you were meeting up outside of work, going for coffee or grabbing a bite when your shift ended, and being invited over to her house for dinner or drinks.

Life in Austin was good.

“So,” Grace grinned as the two of you walked into the break room after hours of sitting at your desks, you rolled your eyes knowing where the conversation was going. “How’s the crush going?”

That was another thing that was good in Texas. The dating scene in New York hadn’t been for you, sure you’d been on dates and met guys in clubs but actually, properly dating somebody just seemed impossible back there. Not that here was much different, you hadn’t actually gone on a date here yet but there was Ethan. Though you’d protest out loud to it being called a crush you could admit to yourself that it absolutely was one and a big one at that.

You’d met Ethan a few weeks into working at the call centre and after a small talk in the break room you had made your way back to your desk to see Grace already grinning at you. After she had finished teasing you she told you Ethan had lived in Austin all his life and had been working at the call centre for just over two years now. She had told you that from what she knew of him he seemed to be a fairly good guy, no one had said anything bad about him so far.

From there your attraction to the man had grown and while you were pretty sure he liked you too neither of you had made a move, much to not only yours but also TK and Grace’s disappointment.

“There is no crush.” You told her, a smile pulling at your lips at her groan and moved to get Grace’s and your lunch from the refrigerator.

“Y/N, you know I love you but I don’t know how much more of this I can take.” She told you, causing you to laugh as you sat opposite her. “I mean the two of you spend all day sneaking glances at each other, never mind the fact that when you talk he spends more time looking at your lips than anything else.”

“Okay, okay, so there’s an attraction,” you admitted, making her smile widen. “But, I don’t know Grace, I really like him, you know? I mean sure I dated around in New York but there was never anyone who I really liked.”

“Let it happen then, keep talking to him, keep sneaking glances and whatever happens is meant to be.” She told you and you took a deep breath whilst nodding at her.

It had been a long shift and when you walked through the door of your dad’s place, where you would be living for only a few more weeks whilst your apartment was getting ready, you could tell you weren’t going to rest any time soon.

“Hey kiddo,” Owen greeted as he wrapped his arm around you and pulled you into a side hug. “We’re getting ready to head to the bar, you in?”

“Yeah sure, just give me a minute to change.” You told him, watching his smile brighten as he let you go and it wasn’t long before the two of you walked into the bar together, TK already there and as you looked around you could see Carlos at the bar.

“Y/N!” TK grinned as you walked up to him and you couldn’t help but grin back, it was good seeing TK this happy, it looked good on him. “How was work?”

“Shut up!” You groaned whilst pushing him away from you causing him to let out a laugh as he moved back and leaned against you.

“Ok, ok but seriously when are you and Ethan getting together?” He asked and your dad gave you a questioning look. “I mean I see the way your face lights up, no one in New York made you smile like that.”

You couldn’t stop the soft smile pulling at your face as you leaned your head against TK’s shoulder. He was right, you could feel how much lighter you were and whilst it wasn’t all to do with Ethan you were really glad for the move to Texas. All three of you were much happier.

“Same goes for you, TK, if I didn’t know any better I’d say you were half way ready to call it love.” You murmured as Carlos headed towards your group and took great delight in watching TK’s cheeks heat up.

“What are you two talking about?” Carlos asked as he smiled at TK whilst handing drinks out and you saw a few extras, figuring the rest of the 126 would be joining tonight.

“Oh I was just seeing when Y/N was going to go on a date.” TK told him, grinning at you when you shook your head at him even as a smile threatened to pull at your lips.

You had sworn your dad, TK and Grace to secrecy over your little crush. You weren’t sure why, maybe it was because this was the first time you had really been into a guy and wanted to experience it privately before telling them, but all of them had kept their word even if TK found other ways to draw attention to your dating life.

“Have you met anyone here, Y/N?” Carlos asked with a smile, “I know a guy down at the station and I think the two of you could hit it off.”

You glared at TK as you watched his grin grow wider and Owen couldn’t stop a chuckle that he hid behind his glass as he looked between the two of you. Before you could say anything you were stopped by the rest of the 126 joining the table and silently thanked whoever was listening for the change in conversation as the rest of the night was able to continue without a single mention of your love life.

The next few weeks were fairly eventless, something you weren’t used to considering who your family and friends were but you welcomed the quietness. Not much had changed, the call centre took up most of your hours and after a long day you were able to crash in your new apartment which made Texas feel even more like home. Somehow even though you’d moved out of your dad’s house you still found yourself hanging out there after your shifts.

During the week not much happened, there were still the stolen glances across the room from you and Ethan, waiting to see when the other would get up so you could bump into each other in the break room and have lunch together whilst you got to know each other better.

Today you had started out stressed after your phone hadn’t charged meaning your alarm never went off making you nearly an hour late for work and every call from then on seemed to only reach you if it were a matter of life or death. By the time Grace gestured for you to take a break you were more than happy to, not even sparing a glance across the room today but instead just grabbing your coat and leaving the building, needing to be away whilst you steadied yourself.

“Hey,” Somebody called but you didn’t turn around, the streets of Austin were busy so you didn’t think much of it until you felt somebody touch your arm. “Hey, are you alright?”

It was Ethan. You didn’t know what to do with the fact that you felt some of the tension ease just from his touch, from his presence. You hadn’t hesitated to accept his offer of lunch at a coffee shop not too far from the call centre and barely felt the time passing until he checked his phone and his face dropped slightly as he announced the two of you should probably get back to work.

“Wait,” He said as he took your hand in his to pull you out of the way of people walking in the street. “Listen, I really like you, Y/N, and I’ve wanted to ask you out for months but you were new here and I thought it was best to let you settle in before I asked you. I’d really like to take you out if you’d let me.”

You hadn’t been able to stop the smile that spread across your face, your bad morning and the constant flood of calls momentarily forgotten about as you nodded your head and made plans for dinner the coming Friday before making your way back to the call centre, all the while his hand never left yours.

That night you ended up in the bar with the 126 and Grace, Grace who hadn’t stopped shooting you looks all day and seemed unable to stop grinning at you whenever she so much as glanced in your direction.

“Oh hey, Y/N,” Carlos said after everyone already had a few drinks in them, “you never did say if you wanted me to set you up with my friend down at the station.”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa,” Judd interrupted, causing you to smile as he raised his hands to look at you, “you’re goin’ on a date?”

You watched as Grace and TK, who had seemingly realised through Grace’s looks that there had been a development, grinned over at you causing you to roll your eyes.

“No, I’m not going on a date with Carlos’ friend.” You told them and Grace nudged your knee causing you to roll your eyes.

“I know a guy up in one of the other houses, real nice guy, why don’t you let me set you up with him?” Judd asked and you shook your head, smile still in place, but before you could say anything Marjan jumped in.

“Wait, my friend knows this guy and he’d be perfect for you, Y/N!” She told you and you couldn’t help but laugh as you finished the last of your drink and stood up to head to the bar, turning towards the group before you left.

“Thank you all but I can find my own dates.” The group's laughter followed you as you made your way to the bar and ordered another drink, smile widening as you felt somebody move next to you before nudging his shoulder with yours.

“You seem happy today.” TK prompted and you shook your head as you leaned into his side, pausing to let him order his drink before you spoke.

“He asked me out.” You told him and looked over at him to see him beaming at you and you couldn’t stop yourself mirroring the expression back. “It might not go anywhere but…I’m excited.”

“I’m really happy for you, Y/N.” TK told you softly squeezing your hand in his and you let out a soft chuckle as you nodded.

“I’m happy for you too, TK.” You murmured, shifting to look at the group but with the exception of your dad and Carlos no one else glanced in your direction. “I know the reason we moved down here wasn’t great but-”

“I’m still sorry about that.” TK interrupted, shifting his gaze from you to the glass he had been handed. “Looking back I know I should have spoken to you or dad but in the moment, everything just seemed so…but I never thanked you.”

“TK I’ve told you a hundred times you don’t have to apologise.” You sighed and watched as he lifted his gaze to you, eyes wide and watery. “And what didn’t you thank me for?”

“For moving here with us.” He said as he tried to blink away the tears and paused to take a sip of his water. “I mean dad’s been amazing with all this, you know, but I couldn’t have done it without you here. I know you uprooted your whole life and I never thanked you for that.”

“TK, you don’t have to thank me either. There was never any doubt that I’d come to Texas with you and dad, I liked New York, hell I thought I loved it there but moving here was the best decision of my life. I know we didn’t move down here under the greatest conditions but you’re good now and I can’t picture being anywhere else.” You told him sincerely, glancing back at the table and smiling softly at the family you had made gathered together.

“I really love you Y/N, I’m glad you’re happy here.” TK said as he pulled you into a hug and you heard him sniff quietly but didn’t say anything as you wrapped your arms around him.

“I love you too, TK.” You murmured into his shoulders and the two of you took a second more before pulling away and heading back to the group.

Months passed since that night at the bar and it was now coming up to being a year since you had moved to Texas. It felt like a whole different lifetime since you were in New York, not realising how unhappy you were as you went about your life until you came to Austin.

Now everything had changed, you and Ethan had been dating for three months and you had yet to tell the rest of your friends. You had told your dad when it was just the two of you at his house, TK out with Carlos for the night, as you both curled on the sofa and played movie after movie. During one of the breaks where you had headed into the kitchen for a food break you had told your dad that Ethan had officially asked you out and that you had said yes. Owen had just beamed at you and pulled you close, murmuring how proud he was of you and how glad he was that you were happy.

You hadn’t needed to tell Grace, that woman knew from the second you sat at your desk the day after Ethan had asked you to be his girlfriend that something had happened. You hadn't even been able to keep a straight face through her teasing, grinning back at her as the two of you leaned across your desks and spoke about the date in hushed voices, missing the fond looks directed at you from across the room.

TK seemed to have whatever superpower Grace had because when he had come to your apartment with takeout and had given you a questioning look before his face broke out into a grin you couldn’t do anything but groan as he came to the conclusion you and Ethan were official. The two of you spent the night talking about your lives since moving to Texas and gushing over your boyfriends.

It was a few nights later you found yourself in the bar, everyone from the 126, as well as Carlos and Grace sat around a table and as always seemed to be the case after a few rounds the conversation shifted to your romantic life.

“I’m just sayin’, she’s been here what nearly a year? I know a guy who I think is good enough to date her.” Judd said and you couldn’t help but laugh as Carlos shook his head and gestured to you.

“I know Y/N and her and Logan would be great together.” Carlos insisted, causing Owen to chuckle as you buried your head against TK’s shoulder, feeling his laugh as he watched the conversation.

“What’s wrong with my guy?” Judd asked but before Carlos could respond another voice cut them off.

“Hey, sorry to interrupt.” He said and your head snapped up from TK’s shoulder to grin at Ethan as you stood up and made your way round to his side, wrapping your arm around his waist, leaning into him as he wrapped his around your shoulder.

“Neither of your guys are good.” You told Carlos and Judd, watching as they frowned whilst looking between you and Ethan. “Everyone, this is Ethan, my boyfriend.”

The look on Carlos and Judd’s face was priceless to say the least, both of them doing a good job looking betrayed as you introduced everyone to Ethan and took your seat next to each other.

“You’ve had a boyfriend this whole time?” Judd asked before he looked at Grace who smiled sweetly at him. “And you’ve known, y’all let me sit here trying to set her up how many times and didn’t think to mention anything?”

“You knew too, right?” You heard Carlos asked TK and laughed when TK just sipped his drink. “She did tell us she could get her own dates.” Carlos shrugged towards Judd who let out a put upon sigh.

“Yeah I suppose she did.” Judd murmured, watching as Ethan excused himself to go and get a drink before he turned his attention to you. “You happy, kid?”

“Very.” You told him without hesitating and if that didn’t tell him everything he needed to know then the smile that was on your face did, he could see you were serious with Ethan, could tell that you were a good pair.

“That boy better look after you, you know?” Judd warned, causing TK and you to laugh whilst Grace nudged his chest.

“He will but if he doesn't, well then I’m sure there will be a line for you to join.” You grinned as you looked over to your dad who just nodded, sat back in his seat looking at ease, not worried in the slightest. He’d met the boyfriend, as had TK, and both of them saw the way you look at each other.

“Damn right.” Judd agreed just as Ethan sat back down and the topic switched to getting to know the man and your friends asking how you got together.

As Ethan spoke you leaned back in your seat and smiled, maybe Texas had never been part of the plan, you had never once imagined yourself settling down here, making a life here, but now you couldn’t picture being any place else. TK was happier than ever, you were happier than ever and so was your dad. There really wasn’t much more you could ask for.

__________

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Then and Now, We’ve Got Each Other

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Prompt - ‘Let’s leave this nothing town behind us, we don’t need anything else, we’ve got each other.’

Daryl Dixon wasn’t somebody who enjoyed his life. His dad drank himself stupid every day, beat on their mom until she went and got herself killed. Their dad, when he could stand straight enough, beat on him and Merle so much that both of them had learnt from a young age to hide their marks, at least until they realised that nobody cared.

Merle was the first to drop out of school, nobody fought much to get him back there either. It wasn’t like their dad gave a damn about where they were and the teachers saw the Dixon boys as a troubled pair that would amount to nothing. Merle was always involved in some sketchy business but Daryl learnt not to ask what it was, especially not when it meant Merle sometimes snuck him the occasional sandwich when their dad was passed out.

Daryl had stuck school out for longer than Merle but it didn’t take much longer for him to leave either. He was ready to leave when Merle had but something happened that made his life different, he still didn’t enjoy it, he wasn’t happy but he felt…different.

You had moved states and ended up at a new school. You hadn’t even been there a few days when you’d heard the whispers of the Dixon boys and it hadn’t taken long to realise who they were talking about, the boy in your class with long, dirty hair and even dirtier clothes. You assumed he had a brother who looked equally as dirty and scrawny and felt your heart ache as people gossiped about the pair.

He never spoke to you but he felt less sad when you smiled at him. He knew people spoke about him but he had never cared, nothing these kids said could hurt more than his dad’s fists but still, you made it better.

He lasted a few months before dropping out and you worried the whole week he didn’t show up for school. You weren’t stupid, you had seen the bruises that nobody else seemed to care about, seen the cuts and the way Daryl swiped food so quickly it had taken you a while to notice, you had started bringing extra food in after you had though and leaving it in your place after you left.

You were worried sick that whoever was hurting Daryl had gone too far but there wasn’t anything you could do. You didn’t have a phone number for Daryl, didn’t know where he lived, didn’t know who his big brother was to ask about him.

When the next week rolled around and Daryl still hadn’t been seen you started asking around, ignoring the odd looks people gave you and eventually pieced together enough to figure out where Daryl lived.

After school you walked to where Daryl should live, it was out of the way, run down and had you glancing over your shoulder as you walked down the street trying to find any sign of Daryl. You had only been able to get the street he lived on, not his actual house number, so short of knocking on every house there wasn’t much you could do and sighed to yourself feeling helpless.

The rundown street was surrounded by woods that only made the place seem even more dangerous but just passed it all there was a river and without meaning to you found yourself walking towards it. Twigs and leaves crunched under your feet and you jumped at every sound in the distance but the river was quite nice considering the area and once you were out of the trees it was actually quite peaceful.

You walked for a while before stopping, eyebrows knitting together as you saw a figure in the distance sat alone staring out at the river. You hadn’t ever spoken to him but you’d spent more than enough time looking at him to know it was Daryl and felt a small smile pull at your lips.

At least he was alive.

You made your way over to him, trying to keep your footsteps light even though unbeknownst to you Daryl had heard you long before you had seen him. Daryl had that feeling again, he hated his life, there was nothing good in it but here you were and suddenly it felt different again.

You didn’t say anything when you finally joined him, just sat down on the floor next to him and Daryl couldn’t help but glance at you out of the corner of his eyes. Here you were, clean and neat sitting on the dirty, muddy floor with him.

It made it easier to breathe somehow even as his ribs ached from his dad’s boot.

The two of you sat side by side for a while in peaceful silence, neither one of you knowing what to say and yet it didn’t feel awkward. It was weird to Daryl, he wasn’t used to having somebody with him, not even Merle came out here with him. He was used to being alone, it was better that way and yet for some reason he didn’t hate that you had joined him.

“You didn’t come to school.” You finally said, breaking the silence but keeping your voice soft.

You hadn’t asked a question, there was no reason for Daryl to say anything, he didn’t owe you an answer, didn’t need to explain himself to you but you had come to find him and he had wanted to talk to you for a while.

“Dropped out.” He finally muttered, not looking at you as his voice came out weak and croaky…he wasn’t used to speaking much.

You didn’t know what to say to that and kept looking ahead at the river in front of you. Daryl looked even skinnier than when you had last seen him and this time he had a split lip and black eye that made you wince.

You wished you could do something to help him but you figured Daryl wouldn’t exactly be the type to let you call the police for him. People whispered about the Dixon family, they knew full well what was going on, if somebody was going to step in they would have long before you showed up in town.

So maybe you couldn’t get Daryl away from his house, maybe you couldn’t stop whoever was hurting him but you could do something. You could be a friend to him, give him somebody to talk to who wouldn’t judge him and use it to gossip, you could be there for him and bring him food and make sure he had somebody on his side.

“I brought this for you.” You said, turning to root through your school bag and pulled out a sandwich, a chocolate bar, and an apple as well as a bottle of soda.

You held the items out for Daryl who finally looked at you properly, he hid it well but you could see the shock on his face, the surprise that somebody was helping him.

“Don’t need y’to feed me.” He muttered, turning back to face the river and you bit back a sigh.

“I know you don’t.” You told him honestly because to get as far as Daryl had in his house he had probably had to fend for himself, he would see any small act as charity. Sure he had been fine swiping the half a piece of sandwich you left at lunch or the candy you left behind but he would struggle to accept something being outright given to him. “It’s for you though, you don’t have to eat it but it’s there.”

You left the food on the floor in between you and went back to sitting in silence. It was less than ten minutes later when Daryl’s hunger won out and you heard the wrapped being pulled from the sandwich and you had to bite back a relieved smile, watching as Daryl practically inhaled the food, glad to know he had something in him for the day.

It went on like that for months, every day after school you would walk down to the river, though walking through the woods still sent a shiver down your spine, especially when the winter meant that it got dark earlier. Each day you and Daryl would sit together, you always brought food for the two of you and mostly the silence would be filled by you. Daryl liked listening to you talk, it didn’t matter what you were saying he just liked listening. He spoke too, not much but whenever he did you always gave him your full attention, listening to every word he said like it was important.

He always walked you home, by the time you were standing to leave it was well into the night, sky dark and Daryl didn’t feel right letting you walk alone. So he led you through the woods and watched as you glanced around like something was going to jump out at you, it never did but even if something were to happen Daryl wouldn’t let anything hurt you.

By the time he had walked across town to your street, and the first time he had seen where you lived he flushed with embarrassment at the big house in the nice part of town, and walked back to his house his dad was usually passed out and Merle was either nursing his wounds with a beer or out doing whatever he got up to.

Daryl’s life still wasn’t good, it wasn’t enjoyable but the few hours a day he got to steal with you made it easier, it made him see that maybe there could be good in it, maybe he was allowed to feel happy.

When he started working on his bike, months into knowing you, he had to smile when you first saw it. You had looked at him like he was crazy and he probably looked it, split lip that kept bleeding when you made him smile, one eye swollen shut and all kinds of black and purple as he sat surrounded by a rundown bike and even more run down parts and tools.

“There’s no way you’re riding that if you ever build it.” You had told him as you sat down next to him and he felt his lip sting again as he smiled over at you.

“Course I am,” he told you confidently and chuckled as you shook your head, “you’re comin’ on it too.”

“Like hell I am!” You protested, pulling a face at the mess of a bike that lay on the floor in the middle of you.

“Sure ya are, not like I’m gonna let anything bad happen to ya.” Daryl said as he swiped at his lip with his tongue before screwing something into the bike, so focused on what he was doing that he missed the way your face softened into a smile as you could do nothing but stare at him for a second. “‘Sides this bike’ll be the best once I get it runnin’.”

“You’re crazy if you think I’m getting on that death trap, even crazier if you think I’m letting you on it.” Daryl just grinned at you again as he put the spanner down and wiped his forehead with his arm. “How long have you been working on this thing anyway?”

“Couple hours? I dunno.” Daryl shrugged and you gave him a look that made his smile grow.

He still wasn’t used to that, it had been nearly a year since you had decided to join him out by the river and he still wasn’t used to smiling so damn much.

“Take a break, Dixon, time to eat.” You told him and he nodded at you as he moved around the bike to sit next to you, reaching over to wash his grease covered hands in the river as you pulled food and drinks out of your bag.

“Why the bike anyway?” You asked as the two of you were eating and Daryl shrugged before finishing his bite.

“Gotta have a way to get outta here someday.” He told you and the answer didn’t shock you, you knew Daryl wanted out of this town, wanted plenty of distance from his dad.

You couldn’t blame him, you were surprised he had stuck around this long but you supposed it wasn’t like he had the money to just up and leave. Part of you wanted to leave with him when he finally put this town behind him, just because your family lived in the nice part of town, just because you had money and food, didn’t mean that your parents were great people. Of course you didn’t have it as bad as Daryl, your parents didn’t hit you, didn’t starve you and let you go however long without a shower or didn’t give you a warm place to sleep. Your parents were just cold people, the kind that weren’t really meant to be parents but it was what was expected of them and you were expected to follow in their footsteps.

“Getting ready to leave me behind?” You asked jokingly but both of you could hear the sadness behind it and Daryl shook his head fiercely.

“Like hell imma leave you in this dump, ya coming with me.” Daryl told you and you couldn’t help but smile over at him, Daryl smiling right back at you and it was then you realised that you had already made your decision without thinking about it because you would follow Daryl Dixon wherever he went.

“Not on that thing.” You laughed and just like that the serious moment was gone and Daryl’s smile widened even as he rolled his eyes.

“Just wait, it’s gonna be great.” He assured you just to hear you laugh again.

It was anything but great. The thing roared to life and spluttered causing Daryl to groan and kick it before the engine ran properly and you gave him an incredulous look when he turned to face you.

“It’s gonna be great.” He told you again, repeating the words he had told you months ago.

“It’s a death trap!” You exclaimed, causing him to laugh and pick a helmet up off the floor before making his way over to you.

“I tested it before you even saw it ‘cause I knew you’d bitch about me gettin’ on the thing.” Daryl told you and you glared at him as he stopped in front of you. “Trust me, it’s good.”

With that he lifted the helmet and settled it over your head, smiling at the glare still on your face. He made sure the helmet was properly on you before he climbed onto the bike and held a hand out to help you on.

“Daryl-” You began but he cut you off.

“Trust me, you really think I’d let ya on here if I didn’t think ya were gonna be safe?” He had a point, Daryl might have had no regard for his own safety but when it came to you…God was he protective.

Daryl grinned when you sighed, knowing he had won and felt your hand in his as you got onto the bike, slotting behind him perfectly. His smile softened as he chuckled in amusement when your arms went around his waist, holding him in a death grip before the bike had even moved.

“Relax.” He told you over the noise of the engine and you just shook your head before he felt the helmet rest against the back of his shoulder. He didn’t need to look at you to know your eyes were screwed shut and he laughed again as he began to move the bike and your arms tightened even more around him.

“I hate this!” He heard you call over the sound of the bike speeding through the road and he smiled widely, one hand coming off the handle to squeeze your arm before he put it back, he was serious when he said he wasn’t going to let anything happen to you.

Daryl had known you for long enough now that he struggled to remember his life without you by his side, he remembered a time where he struggled to think of one good thing in his life, struggled to remember what being happy was like, if he had even felt it before.

He knew he had never known true happiness before you arrived, before you broke past every wall he put up and made sure you were a part of his life despite the rumours and how it would have been better for you to stay away from the Dixon boy.

Now, in this moment, the bike carrying you two away from his street, your arms around his waist as you tucked yourself against his shoulder, he knew this was true happiness. You were his happiness and he would do everything he could to make sure you were happy too.

He had been ready for this moment for years, ready to leave everything behind and get away from this town. He had nothing left here, Merle had packed up and left years ago and his dad would soon be nothing but a distant memory.

He would have left so long ago but he refused to leave without you and even though you had been ready to leave with him he wanted to make sure you at least graduated first, you were smart, smarter than him and had a chance of a future doing whatever you wanted. He wouldn’t let you throw that away. If you wanted to come with him that was great, hell Daryl wanted nothing else, but if something happened one day and you wanted to leave then he was going to make sure you had a backup plan.

Daryl had the bike, he’d been working on it for ages now and it was a proper functioning bike. You had insisted on helping build it up, you were getting out of town on it and you’d be damned if it fell to pieces on you. Daryl had scoffed and told you it’d be fine only for you to show up the next day with all kinds of new, shiny pieces, you had no idea what they did but Daryl had been able to upgrade the bike even as he glared at you.

Daryl waited outside the school on his bike, the two of you had no real destination in mind but you were finally ready to leave. He watched you come out of the building and scan the area before your eyes landed on him and your whole face lit up as you ran over to him, Daryl’s hand already out for you to slide yours into as you climbed on the bike.

“Ready t’get the hell outta here?” Daryl asked as he passed the helmet back, ignoring the way you pushed his shoulder because he refused to wear one with a smile on his face.

“More than ready.” You told him as you secured the helmet on your head and wrapped your arms around him, thumb brushing up and down on his stomach as you rested your hands against him.

Things like this had been happening more too, touches between the two of you. You were usually the one to instigate them unless Daryl was feeling brave but they were there and Daryl was hyper aware of them all.

He knew he liked you, he’d be an idiot if he didn’t. Some part of him figured you liked him too, God he sounded like an idiot with all this does she like me does she not crap, but he was never quite brave enough to ask, to make a move. Instead he told himself the lingering touches were enough.

For years the lingering touches were enough, they had to be because whilst the two of you were brave enough to leave your town behind neither of you were brave enough to make the first move. For years you and Daryl had been at each other's side, travelling the country on Daryl’s homemade bike that had broken down plenty and despite all your protests to use the money you’d both earned doing odd jobs to buy a new bike Daryl refused to budge.

You don’t know what was different about tonight. Maybe it was because you’d made your way out to the west coast, the air cool as the sun had long since set and the moon cast a soft glow over the water in front of you and Daryl.

Maybe it was because it reminded you of a time many years ago when you had first realised you had like Daryl. It wasn’t much different than this night except instead of the massive stretch of ocean it was a river and where there had been nothing but twigs and dirt here there was warm sand.

Back then Daryl had been covered head to toe in bruises whereas now his skin was clear with the exception of a few scars that would never heal, scars that still ached him to this day.

Maybe it was just the kind of night where you reminisce and feel a sense of longing for a future that could be, a sense of regret for all the lost moments because neither one of you were brave enough to just tell the other how you felt. It was the kind of night where you realised that one day things could change before you knew it and you’d kick yourself for wasting the opportunity to tell Daryl how important he was to you, hate yourself for letting so much time pass where he didn’t know that.

Or maybe it was just the kind of night where you’d had too much to drink.

Either way you were ready, you were ready to say those words to him and you weren’t scared, you had never been scared in the whole time you had known Daryl. You were always safe when you were with him.

“You’re my best friend,” You found yourself saying, they weren’t the words you wanted to say, they weren’t the only words you would say tonight, but they felt like the right ones to start this conversation.

“You’re my best friend too, Y/N/N.” Daryl murmured, turning his head slightly to press his lips to your hair and you were both content to fall back into a peaceful silence, your head on Daryl’s shoulder as you stared at the water.

“Thank you,” You said after a long stretch of quiet and you lifted your head to see Daryl looking at you questioningly. “I never thanked you for getting me, for getting us out of that town. I’m glad we did it together.”

“Don’t gotta thank me for that.” Daryl told you and he smiled at you, this smile was maybe your most favourite one. Daryl didn’t smile for most people but for you he had a whole variety of smiles, this one though, the shy, almost flustered smile was your favourite. “But I’m real glad we left together too, can’t imagine doin’ this without you.”

“And you’ll never have to. You’re stuck with me, Daryl Dixon.” You grinned at him and his smile turned softer as he lifted his hand to your cheek and brushed his thumb along your cheekbone.

“Ain’t no one else in the damn world I’d rather have.” He told you and the two of you just smiled stupidly at each other for a long moment before you were both moving closer at the same time.

Daryl’s lips were slightly chapped as they brushed against yours, your eyes falling shut at the first touch. Neither of you had much experience and the kiss was slow and a little uncoordinated but felt like everything you had been waiting all those years for. It was every cliche in the book finally getting to kiss Daryl and you practically melted against him as you kissed until the need for air was too much and even then Daryl chased after your lips and placed small kisses against yours as you both tried to catch your breath.

“Waited so long to do that.” Daryl murmured against your lips, leaning forward to place a soft kiss against your lips again.

“Me too.” You breathed out, eyes finally opening as you leaned your forehead against Daryl’s and the two of you looked at each other with flushed faces and smiles pulling at your lips.

You had just met up with Merle back in Georgia when things had gone south. At first it didn’t seem like a big deal, just find some shelter, and stay inside for a few days which then turned into cities being bombed and communications being shut off and the dead roaming the streets.

If you had thought you were attached to Daryl’s side before this then it was nothing compared to now, you were practically his shadow, his hand always gripped in yours unless he needed to use his crossbow which made you wince each time.

Daryl knew you were scared, hell he was freaked out too though he had to do a damn good job of hiding it to make sure you didn’t panic more than you were. It had been easy at the start, he had told you it was just a virus or something, that it’d be fixed in weeks and the two of you would be back on the bike in no time.

Instead you’d somehow ended up with a group, being told that the cities were dangerous and bombs had been dropped. The first night in the camp you had cried for the first time in years and Daryl felt helpless, this wasn't something he could fix but he could damn well protect you, in all the years you’d known Daryl one of the things you had always told him was that he made you feel safe and that wasn’t about to change now.

So he did what he could to keep you safe. This time it was his job to make sure you were fed, when supplies ran low he gave you his share of food and water, you didn’t know of course, God he could already hear the argument if you were to find out. Any time there was danger, whether it be the walkers or fighting in the group, Daryl was always quick to put himself between you and it, much to the amusement of Merle but Daryl didn’t give a damn about whatever his brother had to say so long as you were safe. He kept you close to him, you were never out of his eyeshot, when night came he spent it waking up every few hours to make sure you were still safe and tucked against his chest.

Daryl didn’t know what the hell was going to happen, the world had fallen apart in front of them with no sign that it was going to fix itself. Daryl wasn’t holding out much hope of a cure like the rest of the group were, he could tell you wanted to believe in it but didn’t want to get your hopes up. He hated seeing the realisation on your face when you figured this was it for the world now but then he watched you look at him and some of the despair faded.

The world might have gone to shit but you and Daryl still had each other. Families had been separated but you and Daryl had been lucky to still have the other, something you would never take for granted. You didn’t know how you were meant to survive this, especially not when months later you’d all found out there really was no cure. You were still that scared kid from all those years back who jumped at every noise heard in the woods leading to the river but then, just like now, you had Daryl.

Daryl had one job, he promised himself it years before the world fell to pieces, and that was to keep you safe. It was a promise that was more important now than ever before. He trained you to track, something he had tried to do throughout the years but you always laughed it off, this time you listened to what he had to say because you knew it really was the difference between life and death. He taught you how to use a gun and he hated seeing you with it but he knew it had to be done just in case something happened to him and he couldn’t get to you.

Daryl had one job and that was to keep you safe and he would damn well make good on that promise and get you to whatever hope there was in a future after all of this, and there had to be something for you at the end of this, he’d make sure of that too.

__________

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Soon You’ll Get Better

Prompt -  'Holy orange bottles, each night I pray to you, desperate people find faith, so now I pray to Jesus too.’

Owen knew he had to tell you. He had told Judd, as hard as it had been to say the words out loud for the first time, he had told him. He had told TK, or more accurately TK found out himself and Owen could no longer deny the truth, could no longer smile and pretend it wasn’t real, not when TK had looked at him with those wide, watery eyes and a tremor in his voice.

He knew he had to tell the team but he couldn’t do that because he had to tell you first. He knew Judd and TK wouldn’t tell you but they had both had countless conversations with him about how you needed to know and he knew they were right. If he were being honest with himself he was holding off telling you for the same reason he hadn’t told TK back in New York when he’d found out, he was scared.

Owen Strand was scared and it was easy to put on a wide smile and hide behind it, to push the diagnosis to the back of his mind and enjoy the time he had with you. He liked to think he was a strong man but this was different, it was different in the same way he was weak opposite TK who was hurt and terrified, he was weak because he didn’t think he could stand seeing the fear in your eyes, the look on your face every time you looked at him knowing that the cancer was eating away at him. He couldn’t stand the thought of you looking at him like he was already dead, nothing but a walking corpse.

He hadn’t known you very long but it was long enough to know you were special, to know that you would be somebody who changed his life. He cared for you deeply, from the second you walked into the firehouse and flashed him that warm smile before sitting opposite him and TK to talk about your place in the 126. He liked to think he had done a good job hiding how much he liked you from your half hour meeting but the second you left TK had turned to him with a wide grin of his own and Owen rolled his eyes as he told him to shut up before any words even left his mouth, something that only made TK smile wider.

Working alongside you was thrilling, Owen had had partners before but the way the two of you moved with each other, always knowing what the other was thinking without either of you needing to voice anything wasn’t just helpful in your line of duty but it also made Owen smile every time he thought of your silent communication, knowing that you had become so close after only a few weeks together. He let himself think of a future, he had to because he refused to think about what could happen if the chemo didn’t work. He let himself think of months or years working side by side with you, the two of you in perfect sync. It was a thought that made sitting in the hospital slightly more bearable.

Owen knew you weren’t stupid. He knew you had noticed him sneaking off during shifts only to come back slightly shaky and pale, he had gotten lucky that you hadn’t pushed it, only asking if he was ok and making sure he had a bottle of water when he returned. He knew this wouldn’t last for long though, eventually you would start pushing, asking him what was wrong and the last thing he needed was you dragging him to Michelle.

So he had to tell you, something that was easier said than done.

It wasn’t like he hadn’t tried. In fact countless times he had invited you over with the intention to tell you about the cancer only to back out at the last second, pushing it to the back of his head as best he could before focusing on your company. He had called you into his office multiple times where there were no distractions before he always decided against it, telling Judd and TK’s disappointed looks that telling you at work wasn’t the best idea.

But he knew he couldn’t put it off any longer and swore to himself that today was the day he would tell you.

He had already invited you around for a dinner he was in the middle of cooking, TK had left the house with a warning that he better tell you tonight and Owen would make good on that promise.

Things between you and Owen were good, the two of you had been close from day one. It felt like you had known each other forever, there was no awkwardness, no strained silences. The two of you got to talking and immediately hit it off. Owen knew it was going in a good direction, he knew you liked him and God knows how much he liked you. He had seen the hints when you had been over at his place, knew that if he had just leaned in and kissed you that you wouldn’t have pushed him away.

But he couldn’t. It didn’t feel right to start something with you without you knowing about the cancer. He wouldn’t judge you if it were too much, if you decided to just be friends and stop the flirtatious looks and teasing remarks. He’d be devastated, no doubt about it, but he would understand. Jumping into a relationship with a sick man wouldn’t be ideal.

By the time you were knocking on the door Owen felt like a nervous mess and without any alcohol to soothe his nerves he felt ready to back out of this conversation again.

All the stress seemed to melt away as he opened the door, seeing you standing there with a smile on your face brought a matching one to his. You weren’t dressed up, you had long since switched from that to a more comfortable attire with the more time you spent at Owen’s house and yet somehow you still managed to take his breath away.

“Can I come in?” You laughed, causing Owen to snap back to reality and smile wider at you, shaking his head to clear his mind as he opened the door wider for you.

“Please do, dinner’s almost ready.” Owen told you as he took your coat. “Beautiful as always, dear.”

He couldn’t stop his smile from widening even as he knew the eye roll was coming.

“You okay? You sounded…I don’t know you sounded weird on the phone.” You asked as you leaned against the counter and watched Owen walk towards the pans resting on the stove.

The silence stretched for a moment too long and you frowned as you stared at his back, watching as he tensed up before seemingly forcing himself to relax.

“Owen?” You asked again and heard him sigh before turning the heat down.

He turned to face you with a serious and almost sad look on his face causing you to look at him warily, not sure what bad news he was about to deliver but knowing it was coming.

“Hey, talk to me.” You prompted softly, watching as Owen let his eyes fall closed as he took a deep breath. “It’s me, whatever it is we’ll deal with it.”

Those words had Owen smiling and opening his eyes to stare at you in wonderment. God, you were too good for him, he had no idea what he had done to deserve even meeting you. Here you were, so ready to stand beside him and create a solution to whatever it was that was bothering him.

If only it were that easy.

“I was going to wait until after dinner to tell you.” Owen began, feeling like his throat was swelling up on him.

“Tell me what?” You asked, keeping your voice soft even as your brows knitted together as you looked at him in confusion.

“C’mere,” Owen said, knowing full well he was doing nothing but buying himself a few more seconds of living in a world where you didn’t know but there was no going back now.

You let your fingers entwine with Owen’s when he held his out for you, squeezing his hand reassuringly as he led you to the living room and onto the sofa. Neither of you let go of the other as you sat next to each other, nor did you move your legs when your knees brushed together.

Owen opened his mouth only to close it against every few seconds, sure he had gone over what he was going to say to you a thousand times and that was all well and good but actually sitting here beside you, your hand in his with your thumb brushing against his skin, it felt impossible to get the words out.

“Hey,” you said quietly, not talking until Owen looked over at you and you smiled sadly when you saw fear on his face, “whatever it is I’m right here.”

Owen forced himself to swallow around the lump in his throat, his eyes suddenly burning at your words before he took a breath and nodded.

“I don’t know how I got so lucky finding you,” Owen murmured and took comfort in how your smile shifted and brightened your face. He let himself relax as he looked at you for a second longer before forcing the words out. “I should’ve told you a long time ago but I couldn’t bring myself to do it.”

“Tell me what, Owen?” You asked again and Owen squeezed your hand before he spoke.

“I’ve got cancer, Y/N.” There, the words were out. He had actually told you and even though a weight was still resting heavily on him he felt a little bit better knowing that you knew, that going forward he was being totally honest with you even if it meant losing you.

Owen never took his eyes off you as he told you the secret only four people knew, five now that he included you. He watched as your eyes widened, watched your skin pale, saw the way your mouth fell open and tears filled your eyes seconds later once the words fully hit you.

He hated that he was the reason for such a reaction, he only wanted to draw smiles and laughs from you.

Then there was the fear that clouded your eyes, the fear he so desperately didn’t want to see. You were scared for him and Owen didn’t want that, he didn’t want you worrying that every second you spent with him would be your last or if he was suddenly going to kneel over mid conversation.

“Y/N, I’m alright.” Owen said when minutes had passed and you had yet to say anything. His words seemed to snap you back to reality and you swallowed around the burning lump in your throat, feeling tears well in your eyes as you stared at Owen.

“No, you’re not.” You whispered, a hundred questions racing through your mind.

“Hey,” he said softly, not letting go of the hand he was holding as he lifted his other to cup your cheek and wipe the few tears that had leaked out. “I’m really ok or as ok as I can be. I’m on the treatments the doctors want me on and they like my chances. I’m ok, sweetheart, I promise.”

You leaned into the touch on your cheek before shifting forward to press your forehead against Owen’s and heard the soft chuckle as he held you close to him, both of you silent for the next few minutes as you took in what he had told you.

“You said you're on the treatment, does that mean chemo?” You whispered, not wanting to move away from him.

“Yeah, yeah they have me on chemo. That part is hard, I won’t lie but they say it looks good so I can’t complain.” Owen reassured you and you nodded against him, needing another moment to take in everything.

“Does TK go with you?” You asked, hating the thought of Owen going through this alone.

“He has been but he only found out not too long ago-”

“You’ve been doing this alone?” You asked him, interrupting whatever else he was going to say.

“Of course that’s the part that upsets you the most.” Owen chuckled but brushed his thumb across your cheekbone, keeping you in place when you went to pull away. “It’s not too bad, well except for this guy who comes in when I do and, well story for a different time but I’ve been ok.”

You nodded again and let the silence stretch despite having more questions to ask, wanting to know exactly what type of cancer he had, how far along it was, how long had he been on chemo, how long had he been dealing with this alone if TK only found out recently? Instead of asking them though you squeezed Owen’s hand in yours and lifted your free one to rest on top of his still resting on your cheek. Owen smiled as you turned your face slightly to press a soft kiss to his palm.

“I really don’t know what I did to deserve you.” He told you again and you shook your head with a smile because really it was the other way around.

Seeing Owen sat in the hospital chair, wires connected to a machine and a needle being pushed into his skin, made your heart ache. He looked tired though and yet even now, even when he was the one who needed you to be brave, there he was smiling over at you and reaching a hand out for you.

“I’m alright.” He assured you and you couldn’t help but laugh softly.

You forced yourself to relax in your seat as you reached for his hand and squeezed it softly, letting your thumb brush against his skin as you smiled at him. Even though he knew you were scared you couldn’t tell him that, not whilst he was the one suffering.

It was hard to hide your fear though, under the hospital lighting Owen looked exhausted, his own fear well disguised for your sake no doubt. You knew it was your turn to push away how scared you were, Owen needed you to be brave right now.

It had been two weeks since you found out he had cancer, weeks you had spent trying to come to terms with it but it seemed impossible. Owen having cancer seemed like it wasn’t real, how could this man, this charming, confident, caring man suddenly be sick, be in a hospital chair getting treatment for cancer?

It didn’t seem real and yet here you were with him.

In the two weeks you had known you had familiarised yourself with orange bottles filled with different pills, listened as Owen explained what they were for. More than once you had raised the issue of if he should be working, if he should be running into smoke filled buildings when he had lung cancer but each time he brushed you off and told you he wasn’t going to give up his job.

Some nights you found yourself so consumed by fear it felt like you were going out of your mind, the idea of losing Owen…

Every time TK called you you got a burst of anxiety, expecting the worst and then having to swallow down how scared you had been for a second once he started talking and everything was fine. You had never been heavy on religion, never found much comfort in praying but you had spent countless nights since finding out praying to anyone who would listen that Owen would be ok.

“I know you are.” You told him, proud when your voice didn’t shake.

“You sound like you actually believe that.” Owen told you with a laugh and you couldn’t stop your smile from widening.

“Of course I believe it,” you told him, letting yourself focus on being with Owen, on making sure he was as ok as he could be and not having to worry about you. “You’ll be out of here before you know it.”

“It’s not so bad now that you’re here.” Owen smiled and you squeezed his hand again, watching as his eyes drifted down to them before he raised them to press a kiss against the back of yours. “Thank you for being here, sweetheart.”

“Nowhere else I’d rather be.” You told him, forcing your smile to stay in place and the tears to disappear before they had the chance to fill your eyes.

“I can think of a hundred different places I’d rather take you.” Owen chuckled and you found it easy to laugh with him causing his smile to grow.

“Soon you’ll get better and we can go wherever you want.” You grinned at him and he kissed your hand again as he smiled over at you, completely enamoured by you.

When he told you about his cancer he had expected you to put distance between the two of you, to put a stop to the flirting and the touches, the lingering gazes, he expected all of it to stop. Never in all the scenarios he had played out had he imagined you sat at his side at every doctor's appointment or chemo session, never had he pictured you squinting down at orange bottles, frowning at the long words and googling what they were.

He didn’t know what he had done to deserve you, it was a question he pondered before telling you about the cancer and it was a question that he couldn’t wrap his head around after telling you. He knew you were scared but no matter what you stuck to his side, if he tried to sneak away to throw up you were there with a glass of water and his toothbrush, if he needed a minute to catch his breath you were there comfortingly rubbing your fingers along his back. Whenever he needed you you were there and he thanked God for bringing you to him every day.

He’d get better, he’d seen the chemo out and do whatever the doctors asked of him if it meant he could make good on his promise to take you to the hundred other places he’d rather be with you, to experience a life and a future with you.

Owen Strand would get better and you would be there every step of the way.

---

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Haunted by the Look in Your Eyes

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Angstember Prompt -  “It was all a lie.”

The day your life fell apart started out like any other. You woke up in bed, Javier was already awake and smiling at you, the sunlight dancing over his skin making him look even more beautiful. The two of you managed to drag yourselves out of bed and get ready for another day working on the Escobar case, long hours that saw little progress though that part hardly surprised you. 

Javier had left work early, telling you and Steve he had a meeting with an informant. You had tried to find out who Javier’s newest informant was, you knew it wasn’t his regular girl Vanessa or any of the other workers, but Javier refused to tell you, said he didn’t want you to know anything in case it went bad. That was enough to set you on edge but Javier never budged and you eventually stopped asking.

You had stayed at the office for a few more hours, no new information coming across your desk and eventually Steve and you called it a day, the man offering to drive you back to the apartment complex since Javier had left. 

As you said goodbye to Steve and headed up the flight of stairs to your shared apartment with Javier nothing felt wrong, nothing in you was screaming that this was it, this was the moment your world fell to pieces. Instead it felt like any other day. You walked into your apartment, dropped your bag by the door and headed into the living room.

It wasn’t until you saw Javier sitting on the sofa, head in his hands and a file on his lap that you realised something was wrong, though nothing was warning you just how wrong things were about to get.

“Javi?” You called softly and watched as the man jumped, as if he hadn’t heard you walk into the apartment.

It wasn’t until he looked up at you that you realised something was truly wrong. His eyes were red as if he had been crying, something that immediately set you on edge because in the entire time you’d known Javier you couldn’t ever recall seeing him cry. He also looked absolutely heartbroken, his eyes were wide as if almost pleading for something, his hair messy from where he had clearly been running his hands through it.

“Javi?” You asked again when it was clear he wasn’t going to say anything, your own voice shaking slightly as you were left in suspense.

“Tell me it’s not true.” He pleaded, voice breaking as he spoke in a way that made your heart ache. The words had your eyebrows knitting together in confusion, shaking your head as you failed to understand what he was saying. “Tell me you're not working for Escobar.” 

Your knitted eyebrows loosened as your eyes widened, you swallowed against the sudden lump in your throat as you tried desperately to think of something, anything to say. It was a tense few moments of silence as you and Javier stared at each other.

“Please,” Javier begged, face crumbling as the silence stretched, “tell me you’re not with that bastard.”

“Javi,” was the only word you seemed to be able to stutter out, Javier’s eyes fell closed as his hands grabbed the folder in his lap. “Why-” but before you could ask he was holding it out to you and you took it with shaky hands.

You swore in that moment your heart stopped beating as you pulled photographs out of the folder. There, clear as day, was you sat across from Pablo Escobar. There were at least nine photographs, all from different days and all of them clearly showing you and Escobar together. You couldn’t look away from them, even as your stomach churned, it wasn’t until Javier spoke that you remembered he was in the room.

“You’re working with him.” Javier said, he didn’t question it, he didn’t need to. Right now to him it was obvious who your loyalty was to and it certainly wasn’t to the DEA, wasn’t to him.

“Javier let me explain.” It was your turn to plead with the man now, to beg him to just listen to you but there was a look in his eyes, heartbroken and defeated, that had your blood running cold, somehow knowing that no matter what you said to him it was already too late.

“All this time you’ve been working with Escobar. What were the two of you laughing this whole time about how easy this was for you?” Javier taunted, heartbreak and betrayal being disguised with anger and hate.

“It's not like that.” You protested but Javier just scoffed at you, finally standing up to turn away from you. “It’s not!” 

“Of course it’s like that! You’ve watched us nearly kill ourselves trying to get even the smallest bit of information about Escobar, watched us come so close to him only for him to escape and this whole time it’s been you telling him when to run!” Javier snapped, his words becoming louder and louder as he spoke.

“I didn’t have a choice!” You snapped back, tears filling your eyes as you silently begged the man to listen to you. “When Pablo Escobar comes into your house, surrounded by men armed with more weapons than you can count and threatens you, you don’t tell him no, that’s not an option. You say ‘si Don Pablo’ and you do whatever he tells you to do.”

“And Escobar told you to sleep with me? To get me to open up to you, to fall for you?” Javier yelled turning back to face you, hands running through his hair again before they came to rest on his hips. “That was Escobar’s grand plan?”

“Javier-” You pleaded but he cut you off.

“Was that Escobar’s plan or was that something you did all on your own? What, did you get a kick out of fooling the DEA agent?” He scoffed, trying to shove down the too many emotions that were coursing through his veins.

“I didn’t mean to fall in love with you!” You exclaimed, the words coming out of your mouth before you could even process them. You felt your own eyes widened, watched as Javier’s widened at the confession you hadn’t meant to let slip out but you didn’t regret it, wished like hell you could have said it at any other time but you didn’t regret it. You couldn’t, it was time to be honest with him, you owed him that much. “When Escobar ordered me to work for the DEA my plan was to give him the bare minimum, to give him just enough information to keep me alive but enough for him not to suspect I was keeping anything from him, enough for you to be able to surprise him. I never meant to get this close to you, never meant to let you get involved with this but then- Javi, nothing between you and me was a lie.” 

“It was all a lie.” Javier told you coldly, “You’ve lied to me since the moment we met.”

“I couldn’t tell you the truth, surely you can see that. You of all people know exactly what Pablo Escobar is capable of.” You told him, still fighting to keep your own tears where they were, not letting them fall.

“You didn't think I would have helped you?” He snapped, “You don’t think I would have done everything to keep you safe?” 

“Javi-” You started but he cut you off again.

“No, I would have helped you, I would have burned the world to keep you safe but you didn’t trust me.” The words were filled with hurt and betrayal, his eyes shining with tears even as he glared at you.

“That’s not fair and you know it.” You told him, hurt clear in your own voice as you blinked harshly, desperate for the tears to go away.

“No, you know what’s not fair is the girl I let down every damn wall for has done nothing but lie to my face, watched me work my ass off and beat myself up day after day, watched me blame myself for not being quick enough to catch the bastard when you’ve been feeding him information that leads to his escapes. That’s what is not god damn fair!” Javier fumed, pacing back and forth as he spoke.

You knew he was right, knew you were in the wrong. How could you hold him on the nights where it got too much for him, nights where he could do nothing but blame himself, nights where he had worked without sleeping before the exhaustion hit him, all the while you were the one telling Escobar when and where the DEA were going to be.

You just wished he would see things from your point of view, the one of a scared woman, alone in Colombia, the one surrounded by Escobar’s men, men who weren’t shy about showing off their weapons, all the while the man himself sat before you with a plan to get you into the DEA and promises that disguised threats about what would happen should you refuse. 

But you knew Javier was angry, too angry to even begin seeing things from your perspective and you couldn’t blame him. This was a man who had built his walls so high and so thick as to keep everybody out and yet had knocked them down as easy as a house of cards just for you, the man had shown a side of himself that hadn’t been seen by anyone for a very long time and you had just shown him why he had built those walls in the first place.

You couldn’t blame him for being angry, couldn’t blame him for whatever he decided to do next. You wished things could be different, you had known from the second he had asked you out for drinks that nothing good would come from getting close to the man and yet you had let yourself get to know him, let him get to know you, watched as his walls fell down and yours crumbled for him.

“You’re right,” you finally said after a long beat of silence, your voice broken and defeated as you finally looked away from him. Your gaze fell down to your feet as the tears that filled your eyes threatened to finally fall. “It wasn’t fair, none of this was fair.”

There were no words spoken for a while, only silence filled the apartment. You couldn’t remember a time when silence was the only thing to be heard, usually the TV played quietly in the background, the radio playing a song that made Javier pull you into his arms as the two of you cooked in the kitchen, the man twirling you around, the sounds of laughter filling the space. The silence felt wrong but you wished for it to return once Javier broke it. 

“Leave.” He finally said. The single word, cold and emotionless, sent an ache through your chest as you looked towards him again. Wide, watery eyes pleading with him but he just shook his head before you had the chance to open your mouth. “Just, just leave, leave the DEA, leave Colombia. Just leave.”

You wanted to beg him to hear you out. You wanted to desperately scream and yell at him to understand that you had no choice, that you were powerless against a man like Pablo Escobar. 

You knew leaving Colombia would be near impossible, what with the amount of people Escobar actually owned in the city he’d be notified as soon as you started packing your bags. Yet you couldn’t be mad at Javier’s request, not when you knew it wasn’t out of hatred or malice. You knew that to him this was the only option he could give you, the other being he would have to turn you over, tell everyone you were spying, that you were passing highly sensitive information that people had risked their lives to get right over to Pablo Escobar. 

Javier still cared about you despite how badly you had messed up.

You had known you should have told him. Maybe not in the beginning when you didn’t know him from anybody else but after the two of you became friends, became more than friends, once the two of you started sharing stories of your lives, secrets you had never planned on telling anybody, once you started to trust one another, that’s when you should have told him. There were so many chances to tell him Pablo Escobar was threatening you, that you had simply been with one wrong person, happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time and somehow ended up being dragged into a world you were completely unprepared for. Instead you buried it, pretended you were a real DEA agent, with a real boyfriend and forgot how easily it could be taken away from you, forgot that you wouldn’t be the only one hurt by this.

Looking at Javier through watery eyes was heartbreaking, his own eyes were teary though he was doing a better job at hiding it. You could see the way his jaw clenched and how his knuckles were almost white at his sides. After a few moments you nodded, swallowing against the lump in your throat. 

You knew you had to leave, how you were going to do that you didn’t know, all you did know was that Javier wasn’t going to forgive you, not for this, not when you were the one thing stopping him from getting the man he wanted.

You had gone from somebody he had fallen in love with to everything he was fighting against in a matter of minutes.

“I really am sorry, Javi.” You managed to choke out, the tears finally making their way down your cheeks and for a moment Javier looked like he was going to step forward, his hand twitching upwards as if to wipe your tears away before it clenched even tighter and he nodded back, moving so you could walk past him.

It was one of the hardest things you had ever had to do but somehow you forced your feet to move, forced yourself to walk past Javier and tried to ignore the feeling of your world falling to pieces as your hand touched the door knob. You stood there for a moment, frozen as you realised this was the last time you’d see Javier, the man you were in love with, the man who had every reason to hate you. 

You took a deep breath and opened the door. As much as you wanted to turn around you forced yourself not to, not to turn and beg and plead with him, instead you respected his request and mustered up enough strength to walk out of the apartment. The door fell shut behind you and you let your head fall back against it, eyes falling shut in an attempt to control yourself, to try and calm the tears until it was safe to break down.

Now you were truly on your own, the man you loved had shown you one final act of mercy by not turning you over but you knew that was all he would give you. The look in his eyes would haunt you for a lifetime, no amount of running would get it out of your head.

Pablo Escobar had truly ruined your life but you didn’t doubt for a second that he would pay for what he had done. You hoped that with you out of the way, no longer there to give the man the warnings he demanded, that Javier could do what needed to be done. 

The man was going to pay.

_________________

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Enough for You

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Angstember Prompt -  "I really wish you had told me that before I went and fell in love with you."

In the beginning, like most things were, it was good. It started with the feeling of butterflies in your stomach and your heart skipping a beat, it evolved into realisation of what your feelings were and hope that he could feel the same. It grew into stolen glances and longing until it finally turned into a desperate kiss, your face cupped in his hands and yours gripping the fabric of his robe.

Like all things, it started out good.

Of course once the two of you sorted through your feelings, once the two of you finally sat down together and confessed that you wanted more than friendship, it had to be kept a secret. Neither of you cared about that though, it was nice having something that was only yours. 

And for two years it was good.

You and Anakin hardly had that awkward stage at the beginning of your relationship, the one that consisted of dancing around each other as you got to know one another. You had been friends for years, you had met him when you were ten years old, your Master had fallen ill and had been confined to the Halls of Healing leaving you alone. Anakin had found you one day, struggling to meditate and that’s how Obi-Wan found his Padawan hours later, sat next to you as he taught you as his Master taught him.

From there on you and Anakin had become inseparable, a closeness that had many raising an eyebrow but only voiced concerns quietly to each other. Master Jedi may not have liked how close you were, a friendship that seemed like an attachment, but they couldn’t deny when your Master’s went on missions together you and Anakin worked flawlessly together. 

As the years passed the bond between you and Anakin only got stronger and stronger. The two of you were always at each other's side, training together, exploring the grounds and the Temple, sneaking out together and seeing Coruscant together. There had been occasions where you and Anakin had stolen one of the speeders so Anakin could show off to you, it always ended with you clinging to him as he took corners way too fast and Obi-Wan scolding the pair of you. 

Seven years of friendship seemed to fly by as fast as Anakin on a speeder and suddenly the two of you were seventeen. Neither of you particularly liked looking back on most of your time as seventeen years old, not when it was the first year that saw the two of you distancing yourselves from the other. 

It wasn’t as though you’d had a falling out with each other, it wasn't like you didn’t want to spend your days at his side but it was the first year that you both seemed to make sense of everything you had been feeling. Of course these feelings weren’t new to either of you, you had both been feeling them for years now but before they didn’t seem significant, they didn’t seem like something that needed to be looked into because they didn’t mean anything back then.

But now…now they meant something and you couldn’t be around Anakin without becoming flustered and he couldn’t be around you without flushing and stammering through a sentence. 

It wasn’t a pleasant eight months to say the least. Both of you had become so used to spending seven years attached to each other that to suddenly be without the other was lonely, there wasn’t a better word for it. Both of you were lonely and it was for that reason that you both eventually ended up sitting down with each other and telling each other how you felt.

Obviously it wasn’t an easy conversation. The Jedi had spent years drilling it into your heads about how attachments were wrong, about how loving a singular person was a one way path to the Dark Side. To confess your feelings to each other went against everything you had both been taught and yet it hadn’t stopped you. If any was going to break the Jedi Code then it would come as no shock to anybody that it would be you and Anakin.

After that conversation things quickly went back to normal and you and Anakin easily fell back into each other's lives like you’d never been separated. It worried many of the elder Jedi but others, like Obi-Wan and your own Master, were just relieved after having put up with eight months of grumpy and sad Padawan’s.

It wasn’t hard to keep your relationship a secret. By now you and Anakin knew plenty of hiding places in the Temple and the two of you disappearing for hours had long since stopped concerning people so nobody would come looking for you. It also helped that your Master’s tended to go on missions together so you and Anakin were able to sneak away there and explore the new sights together. There had been plenty of times you’d been in his chambers or him in yours and had nearly been caught locked at the lips but Anakin was quite good at multitasking and was always able to warn you before somebody entered the room, giving you a minute to compose yourselves.

In the time you had been dating Anakin had snuck you out of the Temple more times than you could count, always pulling you along with him to whatever surprise he had planned. Sometimes it was a picnic in a quiet place that took a long time to get to but it was always worth it. Other times it was to explore different things, join celebrations in the city, many times though it was a chance to blend in amongst the crowd and act like a normal couple. 

It might have been annoying at times to hide your relationship, neither you nor Anakin saw how it would lead you to the Dark Side, but you made it work.

And then Master Kenobi walked into his chambers, you and Anakin barely having time to pull away from each other as he did. Master Kenobi looked between the two of you with a look you couldn’t quite discern but it was gone just as quietly as he told you and Anakin you were to watch over the Senator of Naboo.

Anakin immediately beamed at the news causing you to raise an eyebrow but you shrugged it off and instead asking why you were going. It wasn’t rare for you to join Anakin and Obi-Wan on a mission but usually your Master joined though lately it was becoming less often as he got older. Obi-Wan just smiled at you and told you your Master had suggested it to the Council and they had agreed.

It wasn’t long until the three of you were on your way to meet the Senator. You liked to think you knew Anakin pretty well by now, liked to think you could read his easily but now as you stared at him, fingers tugging on the braid as his leg bounced you would have said, easily, that he was nervous. 

But what was there to be nervous about?

Obi-Wan too picked up on Anakin’s nerves as the three of you arrived at the Senate building and entered the turbolift up to the Senator’s apartment, glancing at his Padawan who fidgeted with his robes and tugged on the braid again.

“You seem a little on edge.” Obi-wan prompted, breaking the silence in the lift and you couldn’t help but stand straighter, waiting for Anakin’s response.

“Not at all.” Anakin replied, the words entirely unconvincing to you, causing your eyebrows to knit together as you frowned, folding your arms together. 

Obi-Wan continued on and you listened to the two of them bicker back and forth for a moment before the two of them laughed and Obi-Wan turned towards his Padawan, just looking for a second before he spoke.

“You’re sweating,” He told Anakin and you lifted your head slightly at that, looking at Anakin out of the corners of your eyes and seeing Obi-Wan was right. “Relax, take a deep breath.”

You had a feeling in the pit of your stomach, a bad one, one that felt heavy and cold and you desperately tried to push it away. Nothing had happened, so what Anakin was nervous, so what he was acting like he had when the two of you didn’t speak in the eight months you had drifted apart because of your crush. 

It didn’t mean anything.

“I haven’t seen her in ten years, Master.” Anakin murmured quietly to Obi-Wan and you closed your eyes desperate to fight back any emotion, trying to force everything you were feeling out into the Force. 

Nothing more was said in the turbolift, Obi-Wan just let out a small sigh and Anakin frowned, glancing at you before doing a double take as if he had forgot you were there but you just looked ahead, acting as if you had missed the look before the door opened and you stepped out. 

Seeing the Senator of Naboo only made the cold feeling inside you grow. Of course she was beautiful, with her hair pulled up in an intricate design, his voice soft and light. Her eyes were a beautiful shade of brown that seemed to light up as she looked at Anakin, looked at Ani. 

Of course she was beautiful. 

Anakin himself seemed even more nervous than he had been in the turbolift. As he addressed her a smile came across his face, shy and sweet and adoring. Then he went and called her beautiful and he wasn’t wrong but it still twisted the knife you felt had been plunged into you. 

Obi-Wan glanced away as Anakin stumbled over his words, a look on his face as if to say what in the stars is he doing before it was replaced by a concerned look as he took in the look on your face. You thought you were doing a better job at hiding it but apparently not, apparently there was enough hurt, enough jealousy and fear on your face to give something away. 

You forced yourself again to expel your feelings into the Force, perhaps too forcefully if the way Anakin turned to you and Obi-Wan’s raised eyebrows meant anything.

“Ah Senator, this is Padawan Y/F/N Y/L/N, she will be assisting in the protection of your safety.” Obi-Wan introduced you softly, sparing you another concerned glance but you forced a neutral look onto your face before bowing your head towards the Senator.

“It’s nice to meet you, Y/N.” She said in that soft tone of hers, a warm smile on her face as she held a hand out for you.

“Pleased to meet you, Senator.” You replied evenly, swallowing against the lump in your throat you reached out and shook her hand.

Obi-Wan began discussions about Padmé’s protection with Captain Typho and you listened half-heartedly though you didn’t take much in. You sat on one side of Obi-Wan and Anakin sat on the other, something which made Obi-Wan raise an eyebrow but as he looked at Anakin he saw his gaze was focused on Padmé and you were much more interested in your fingers playing with your robes than you were with him.

“-not to start an investigation.” You heard Obi-Wan tell the Senator but then Anakin quickly interrupted him in a way he wouldn't have had the Senator been anybody else.

“We will find out who’s trying to kill you Padmé.” At those words you glanced up, looking over far enough to see Obi-Wan’s look of disapproval, disapproval that only deepened at Anakin’s next words. “I promise you.”

As Obi-Wan argued against Anakin’s words you couldn’t help but look away again, not baring to look at Anakin or Padmé. He was trying to impress her, his mission here wasn’t about finding the person trying to kill her it was only to protect and yet here he was jumping at the chance to do as she asked, the chance to gain her favour. 

You knew it all too well because it was what he had done with you, in an effort to impress you any time you said you wanted something Anakin wouldn’t hesitate to do it in hopes that you would like him more. Of course you hadn’t realised that was what he was doing until after you were dating but now you saw it clear as day.

The cold feeling in your stomach only grew as Anakin argued with Obi-Wan, desperate to find the person trying to kill the Senate. You hated the sudden stinging in your eyes and your lips quivered as you tried to fight tears back. There was no use getting upset, you could still be blowing this out of proportion.

And yet something told you you weren’t. You didn’t have a good feeling about this mission.

It wasn’t long until everyone retired from the meeting leaving you, Anakin and Obi-Wan alone. Anakin went out to the balcony and Obi-Wan followed behind him. You stayed where you were on the sofa, barely noticing them leave as your mind was clouded with sadness and anger. 

Perhaps this is why the Jedi didn’t let you fall in love, to form attachments. 

Of course you weren’t planning on falling to the Dark Side just because Anakin had a crush on the Senator but you could see how a Jedi could fall. How the anger and pain at losing a loved one in such a way, a way that would create jealousy and hatred, could lead to a Jedi falling. 

You loved Anakin with all your heart. At first it had scared you just how much power Anakin held over you, how he had the ability to break you with just a few words but then months passed, beautiful and joyous months that settled your nerves. He was it for you, there would never be another.

You had once thought he felt the same for you.

He said he hadn’t seen the Senator for ten years, a year before he met you. All that time he had spent with you she was somewhere in his mind, however distant, she was there. You had seen his face when she spoke to him, the guilt as he glanced at you in the turbolift, he had always had her in his mind.

Whilst your entire heart was his, he only shared a bit of his with you, some part of it always belonged to her even if he had been but a child when he first met her.

You lay on the sofa, facing the back of it and closed your eyes but it did nothing to stop the tears that slid from them and it took all your effort to cry silently, to push the sobs you felt down. 

You had never been his, not in the way he had been yours. 

“I’d much rather dream about Padmé.” You heard Anakin tell Obi-Wan as they stepped closer to the main room, “just being around her again is intoxicating.”

“And what of Y/N?” You heard Obi-Wan ask and your blood ran cold again as you forced yourself to relax as they entered the room, not wanting them to know you were awake. You missed the questioning glance Anakin shot towards Obi-Wan, surely the man couldn’t know. “I would have thought after spending so many years at her side, Padmé wouldn’t have filled your thoughts.”

Anakin was silent for a long moment, a moment that you spent trying to stay quiet, even as sobs built up in your throat.

“Of course when I’m with Y/N it’s different. They’re so different from each other that Padmé doesn’t cross my mind all that often but I still think about her. I still dream about her some days, the angel I met on Tatooine.” Anakin’s words had you pleading with the Force, desperate to stay silent even as you felt your heart break. “Y/N is my best friend but compared to Padmé-”

“And here I thought Y/N meant more to you than that.” Obi-Wan murmured thoughtfully, causing Anakin to still and turn to face his Master.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Anakin asked defensively.

“Nothing, young Padawan, just that I have spent years watching you and Y/N, watching as your friendship grew. I suggest if you feel this way for Padmé you tell Y/N how you feel. Not that it should matter of course, you swore your commitment to the Jedi Order, a commitment that forbids attachment, not that I need to remind you of that, right Padawan?” You felt your heart skip a beat at Obi-Wan’s words because he knew- he knew about you and Anakin.

There was no doubt about it, Obi-Wan had to know why else would bring you up at all? If you were truly just a friend to Anakin why would he have to tell you that he loved the Senator. Obi-Wan knew about you and Anakin, how long had he known? Why had he let the two of you carry on instead of turning you over to the Council for such a blatant breach of the Code?

“Of course not, Master. I am well aware of the Code.” Anakin told him evenly, glancing away from his Master.

As the two of them spoke you felt something shift, a disturbance that had you frowning as you tried to figure out whether it was something in the Force warning you of danger or if it were simply your own emotions.

“I sense it too.” You heard Obi-Wan say and you sat up in time to see them running into the Senator’s room. 

You quickly wiped your eyes on your robe and followed behind them and watched as Anakin pulled his lightsaber out, dealing with whatever had been about to harm the Senator. 

You were able to ignore your feelings as you took in the scene but then Obi-Wan told you to watch over the Senator as he and Anakin went to track down the droid and though you hated the thought you nodded and watched them leave.

You glanced at the Senator and found the feelings slamming into you, the pain and the hurt and the anger all too overwhelming.

“Are you alright?” Padmé asked you, even in the darkness of the room she could see the redness of your eyes.

“Just fine.” You told her evenly, voice coming out cold as you tried to choke back your emotions, scanning the room once before leaving. The Senator followed behind you, though you wished she’d just go back to sleep so you could have a minute alone to process everything.

“You don’t like me much, do you?” She asked, sitting on the sofa opposite you.

“I don’t know you.” You answered as close to the truth as you could get because the truth was no, you didn’t like her all that much. How could you? You were more than aware it wasn’t her fault, she was beautiful, what had Anakin called her, an angel?

He was right about that and you hated it. 

“And yet you look at me like I’m your enemy.” She told you and you couldn’t help but frown as you looked away from her. “Does this have something to do with Ani?”

Ani, you hated the way the word fell from her lips like it was familiar. 

“No, Senator. Like I said I don’t have a problem with you, I don’t know you. You really should go back to sleep.” You told her, still not able to bring yourself to look at her, knowing if you did you would only be able to compare yourself to her, to wonder what she had that you didn’t.

Why was she good enough for Anakin and you weren’t? You who had spent years at his side, years giving him all your love, giving him your heart.

“I can hardly sleep after another attempt on my life.” She told you lightly and you could feel her gaze on you. All you wanted to do was leave, to make her look away, to scream and cry and curse the world but you couldn’t do any of that right now. “Besides, I'd much rather talk to you, to find out why you don’t like me.”

You took a deep breath, forcing your emotions into the Force again but there were too many and they just kept building up and you knew eventually they’d explode from you. You needed to be alone desperately, all you wanted was to be alone.

“It is Anakin, isn’t it?” She pushed and if she kept prodding you knew she would be the one your emotions turned on. “Wait, do you like Anakin? I didn’t think the Jedi were-”

You couldn’t take it, you couldn’t listen to her piece the situation together, couldn’t listen as she laughed at how foolish someone like you was for falling for someone like Anakin when someone like her existed. 

You stood abruptly from your seat causing Padmé to say your name softly but you ignored her and strode from the room, ignoring as the Senator called after you. You knew Obi-Wan would scold you for this later, for leaving the Senator alone barely ten minutes after her assassination attempt. You knew if something happened to her you’d have more problems than a telling off from Obi-Wan but right now you didn’t care.

All you cared about was being as far away from her and from Anakin and from everybody as you could be. 

You eventually found an empty room not too many floors down from the Senator’s apartment. The view was beautiful but you hardly noticed it as you sat on the floor, the only light coming from the floor to ceiling windows. 

You let your eyes fall closed, let all your emotions come to the surface and let the tears fall down your cheeks uncontrollably. A few sobs may have escaped you but you didn’t hear them as you tried to push your feelings into the Force but you couldn’t, they were too strong and they seemed to cling to you, making you feel every bit of them.

You didn’t know how long passed until the door opened as somebody sat next to you. You knew it was Anakin, you knew what he felt like in the Force better than you knew yourself. The feeling in the pit of your stomach seemed at its heaviest, at its coldest and you really didn’t have a good feeling about this conversation.

You knew what was going to happen, knew it had to happen and yet you were completely unprepared. You had never had to be without Anakin, even in those few months you had grown apart you didn’t cut yourself off from him completely but after this you didn’t know if you could look at him again without breaking down.

“You love her.” You said stoically when it became clear he wasn’t going to speak first.

“I don’t want to.” He told you, voice shaking as he spoke and you couldn’t help the huff of laughter that left you.

“But you love her.” You said, voice breaking as tears continued to fall down your cheeks.

“I love you too.” He pleaded with you, desperate for you to know that. 

“But you love her more, right? Otherwise I would have been enough for you. If you loved me as much as I love you then there wouldn’t be room for another in your heart.” You had yet to open your eyes, you didn’t think you could look at him, not with your emotions this close to the surface.

“I can’t help it, Y/N. If I could get rid of my feelings for her I would have done it years ago but I can’t. She’s always in my mind, sometimes she’s in my dreams and seeing her again brought those feelings forward again.” Anakin told you, sniffing as he fought back his own tears.

“I really wish you had told me that before I went and fell in love with you. I wish you cared enough about me to spare my feelings, to spare me the humiliation-” 

“I didn’t know I was going to meet her again! I thought I’d never see her again and I love you. I love you dearly, Y/N, don’t ever think I don’t.” Anakin exclaimed and you finally opened your eyes.

He was sat next to you, tears falling down his cheeks as he stared at you with wide eyes but you shook your head.

“You don’t love me, Anakin.” You told him coldly, forcing your tears to stop if only for a few moments, “You don’t because I love you and I know that I would never do this to you. You were the only person I cared for this much, the only person I loved enough to break the Code for. I would have done anything for you, Anakin, anything. Now I feel as though I’m looking at a stranger.” 

“Come on Y/N, please don’t say that. I love you, all our years together-”

“We’re nothing more to you than a distraction from Padmé!” You exclaimed standing up and wiping your eyes angrily. 

“Don’t say that!” Anakin shot back, standing up as well.  “Don’t ever say that, don’t think it. My time with you was real, it was honest, every moment and every word of it. Don’t erase it now, Y/N.”

“Two years we have been together, loved each other for much longer. You were my best friend, Anakin.” You told him, your voice breaking as he stared at you with wide, pleading eyes. “You knew her for moments compared to us, met her when you were only a child and yet somehow she is more important to you than I could ever be.”

“Y/N,” He pleaded with you but no other words came out of his mouth.

“You broke my heart Anakin. I always knew you had the power to do it but, stars, I never thought you actually would.” You laughed, a sad sob of a laugh. “I really hope she was worth it Anakin, I hope she makes you so happy.” 

“Come on Y/N, please don’t do this.” Tears continued to fall from his eyes as he pleaded with you but you shook your head.

“I’m not the one doing this, Anakin. You’re the one who let me fall in love with you whilst your heart belonged to another. This is all on you. You are the reason I have lost not only the love of my life but my best friend too.” You told him, your voice breaking again as you fought tears back.

“I’m sorry.” He told you, his voice barely above a whisper and you shook your head, turning to leave the room, sparing him one last glance. 

“I really hope she’s worth it.” You told him, a smile, shaky and filled with sadness and bitterness and anger spreading across your face as Anakin’s eyes fell closed and you left the room, leaving behind the man you loved with a broken heart and tears falling from your eyes.

Anakin Skywalker Taglist -

@captainamericasdaughter15, @daisyfreshwhore, @alexxavicry, @mukbee, @bubsonnobx, @starkillerrr, @heyitsaloy ,@midnightsmelodies, @f-sant, @fairydxll, @midnightlikeschezyt, @sweetcheesecakesblog, @punkpirate82, @bookfrog242