Progress Report (28 March 2022)

Progress Report (28 March 2022)

TW: weight

So...this morning, when I was updating my stats in MyFitnessPal (which I haven’t done in almost a year), I realized that I’m 17 pounds lighter than I was last year in May 2021. Sometime between towards the end of December 2021 and the beginning of this year, I made the decision to stop focusing so much on calories. I’ve shifted my focus on eating more intuitively and on how the food I eat makes me feel. I have also not been actively weighing myself. I think the last time I stepped on a scale in my own home was over a year ago. The only reason why I know how much I weigh now is because I had a doctor’s appointment a few days ago.

I feel good because I hadn’t realized that I’ve made that much progress so far. I knew I had made some, since some of my favorite clothes weren’t fitting as tightly, but I had assumed it was probably just from bloating less.

I really hope I continue to see this trend. I’m also hoping that since it’s taking longer than I’m used to, it’ll be more sustainable in the long run :)

So...I, temporarily, deactivated my Instagram account just now. I also wanted to, temporarily, deactivate my Facebook, but then I remembered I helped run a page for a club I was in last year. This page still, occasionally, gets liked to this day. I’m not 100% sure how deactivating would affect the visibility of this page, so I’m just going to leave my account alone and, instead, log out out and delete the app from my phone. 

I still feel pretty good about Insta though. Honestly, out of all my social media, this one causes me the most pain (lol). I found myself checking it more constantly. I would attribute this to the fact that the semester ended a couple of weeks ago, which has left me with more free time. I found myself comparing my life with other people’s lives a lot more than usual. This made me start feeling bad about myself and even made me forget about my own recent accomplishments. I also checked the page of someone I should not be checking on (I just know my friends are going to scold me when I tell them about this). This is, mostly, because it always ends with me getting my feelings hurt when I do. Long story short...did not go well. I saw something I wish I didn’t see that ended up crushing my self-esteem even more (learned my lesson).

Anyway, I think I really do need this break from social media (excluding tumblr of course). I’m going to use these next few months to really focus on myself. I’m going to make my physical, mental, and spiritual health top priorities this summer. 

13 May 2022

My dog died 2 days ago and I’m still heartbroken.

Honestly, it feels so surreal knowing that I’m never going to see her again. 

I’ll never hear her barking at the birds whenever they’re hanging out on the lawn or at whatever neighbor’s cat that’s strolling along our fence.

When I step inside my house, I’m never going to see her rushing over to greet me. 

I’m never going to be able to take her on walks again.

Or pet her.

Or see her lie down by my feet in my room, while I’m watching tv or playing video games or doing homework.

I’m never going to be able to take her hiking like I had always wanted to, but never found the time to (now I’m really wish I had...)

It probably seems silly to some people to be feeling so emotional over a dog, but she wasn’t just a dog. She was basically family. She joined my family when when she was just a few weeks old. We basically raised her and I had some milestone years with her as well. To top it all off, she was going to turn 11 years old this month...

I know bigger dogs don’t live as long as smaller dogs, but I was really hoping I had at least a couple more years with her. With me moving back to my family home, since I graduate soon, I was looking forward to being home more often. Instead of having to go back and forth between two cities because of work and school.

I feel so bad because I feel like I didn’t have enough time with her. Like I said, the past few years, I was not consistently with her because of work and school. 

Now she’s gone and I’m never going to get that lost time back.

Joanne