Reveling In My Own Beauty;

Reveling in my own beauty;

Feeling myself;

Vibing to my own music.

There is an interesting contentment I am feeling.

A serenity I honestly can't recall.

Eons since I last felt this good in my own skin.

I have been a stranger to my soul

But here and now

I feel close to it.

I feel rage.

My life is defined by it.

Angry that the world is not a better place,

I grow tired of people who hide behind faith.

Who justify their pestilence of spirit

By the judgement they cast on others.

I drown in hatred

And dream of violence.

Ten-thousand years of pent up aggression;

Fatigued by humanity's slow climb to awareness.

This has been one hell of a year.

Began with a meltdown,

Achieved some self awareness,

Accepted the truth of myself

Got into therapy

Worked on saving my own mind and soul

Started hormones

Started growing breasts

Cut out toxicity

And found myself again and again

Even now

In the final hour.

I have changed.

The world has turned

It's destination I cannot truly see.

Living day to day

Amazed by the wonder I see in it now.

My new baby :))) 3 year old rescue whose previous parent passed away. Giving her the comfort and happiness she needs and she is giving me the companionship and joy I need 🥰😊😋

The abused are not obligated to save their abusers

I want to be loved.

Maybe this is a weak statement

But I can't help it.

I have never been touched.

Desired for my soul.

No one wanted me

But then again

I could never love myself.

For all my ego

For all my worship at the alter of myself

I still could not understand

How someone could want me.

I was a lie

And didn't even know it.

A lost little child

So repressed

I couldn't even see my own reflection.

Now I am trying to get back to me;

The honest self

Free from every last goddamn thing.

Just me

That little girl

Who never had a chance

To dress up pretty

Or just be herself.

I want more than what I have been given;

More than what I have allowed myself.

A long road walk

But I am here when it is done.

So I leave

And breathe

Put on make-up and get dressed up.

Make my day to day worth living

And in so doing

Figure out

What life's about.

So love me

Hate me

Fuck me

Ignore me.

I can't make sense of anything;

I'm making it all up

As I go.

Exist

As I want to exist.

All we have are ourselves.

Are you really going to listen to me?