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Martha gets a twisted kind of validation out of Mayberry's violent possessive behavior, she regularly flirts with people just to watch Mayberry beat them senseless then drag her home and angrily rail her brains out, and is just in general enjoying her afterlife being a bratty power bottom,

Mayberry insists to anyone who sees them that Martha is a slave being forced to keep her house clean cook her meals ect, because she's very busy with being a valuable commodity in hell as a teacher with up to date credentials who you can trust around kids, Martha is not her house wife, and she could care less about her, then rips someone's eye out for winking at Martha while screaming not to touch her woman,

If Azazoth is supposed to be a blind idiot god, how did they have the sense of dramatic irony to make the goddess of lust a giant walking talking asexual pride flag?

Stardust doesn't need a flag or shirt for pride events she can just point to her giant goth goat wife

I worked very hard on this

Clara: "What in the hell do you think you're doing?"

Velvette: "Taking Carmilla her coffee?"

Odette: "You can't, Mother is in the dressing room."

Velvette: "Are you for fucking real? I've seen Carmilla naked, hell I probably see her naked more often then clothed!"

Odette (Adjusting her glasses): "Ignoring your perversion, It is still uncouth to enter the dressing room while she's changing Ms Velvette."

Velvette: " Ms Velvette? Oh come now no need to be so formal call me Grandma!"

Clara: "Grandma?"

Velvette: " Yeah, cuz Carmilla calls me Mommy."

Clara and Odette (Looking disgusted and unimpressed respectively)

Velvette: "Which got to admit a bit weird when she does it while I'm dressed as one of you two."

Odette (As Clara doubles over dry heaving): "Y-You're lying!"

Velvette: "I am, most likely, almost certainly, but... you two will never know for sure less you wanna watch me shag your mum."

Carmilla (Hearing Velvette knock): Is that you Velvette?"

Velvette (Entering the dressing room): "It is, got your coffee, Also an ever growing insight into why bitches in movies are always shipping their step kids off to boarding school."

Carmilla sighed "I don't understand why you need to use such needlessly obtuse language." she complained looking down at Velvette, "When you texted me about Voxflix and chill I assumed you meant a evening watching movies."

Velvette looked up at her lover, "I think it worked out fine." She proclaimed eating another hand full of post coitus popcorn.

"Also." Carmilla continued complaining, "I not only believe you don't live with your parents, and thus them being home or not shouldn't matter, wether it be for us watching movies, or making love, but I am almost certain they are both still alive." She crossed her arms and looked away before saying something in Spanish.

Velvette narrowed her eyes and put away the popcorn before repositioning her herself in front of Carmilla lifting her leg and beginning to kiss it making her way up Carmilla's thigh, "Your one to talk can't just come out and ask if i fancy another shag." She said between kisses.

"You didn't understand a damn thing I said there." Carmilla uttered as she watched Velvette tease her way along her leg.

"Oh?" Velvette stopped so teasingly close, "Why don't you enlighten me? Especially that tee amma bit." She eyed Carmilla knowingly.

"Velvette I will wear any ridiculous costume you make for me if you promise to never try to speak Spanish again."

"Oh deal!" Velvette declared to elated with images of Carmilla in cosplay to bother being a tease and diving in eager to satisfy her so she could get to work.

Lucifer: Ok Charlie when you get to heaven you will meet Sera it's important you mentally prepare for this!

Charlie: It will be fine dad.

(Later in heaven)

Charlie (Sees Sera drops to all fours): Arf arf arf!

Sera: Ah yes first time meeting me, if I step on you, do you promise to act normally for the rest of your stay?

(Charlie pants and nods)

Sera (stepping on Charlie): People are so bizarre.

hunter the parenting crack theory, spoilers for episode 4

Fatigue was indeed the ghoul but there is a completely unrelated kuei jin Infiltrator who was pissed about their cover being blown by him and killed him, this will be discovered by kitten who will cover it up to avoid Grimal being proven right about them existing,

Lute: Look Emily you have to treat a sword like you treat a woman.

Emily: Go on.

Lute: No, I sense I've made a mistake of some kind.

Vaggie: I'm cold.

(Charlie drapes her jacket over Vaggie.)

Angel Dust: I'm cold.

(Husk wraps his arms and wings around him.)

Sallie May: I'm cold.

Stella: I have your favorite earmuffs right here darling. (Pats her thighs.)

Sir Pentious: I'm cold.

(Cherri lights a nearby building on fire.)

Valentino: I'm cold.

Vox: Well shit I can't control the weather Val!

Carmilla: I'm cold.

(Velvette magics her up a warm and stylish winter outfit.)

Emily: I'm cold.

(Lute pulls out her sword and attacks the air for making Emily cold.)

season 2 prediction after a particularly fucked up event Val ends up singing his own version of poison where he admits Angel Dust and the drugs are destroying him and turn him into a monster he hates, but that they also numb the guilt and pain that they caused, throughout the song he struggles to resist getting more drugs only to cave at the end.

Only to discover that Vox and Velvette took them all and have locked him in his room that was angel proofed so he can't bust out, and are going to force him to detox.

We get jokes about how he just sung a whole ass song about how much he wants to be saved from the drugs, and when he tries to invoke how terrible doing this to an addict actually is, Velvette reminds him he's immortal.

Loot AU: Meeting Niffty

"This little darling is Niffty!" Alastor declared showing off the tiny demon he had called to the hotel.

Niffty waved "Hi I'm Niffty!" Her eye scanned the group before landing on Loot, with a quick lick of her lips she dashed forward and lept up, Loot catching Niffty in her arms on reflex, Niffty reached up to stroke Loot's chin with one finger, earning her a side eyed glare from Charlie, "What's your name handsome?" She asked her voice somewhere between crazed and seductive her eye smoldering.

"I'm a woman." Loot responded dryly.

Niffty looked like she'd just been told the sky was blue, She stared at Loot's slicked back undercut, before reaching up and grabbing the collar of Loot's dress shirt and pulling it open undoing her necktie and the top few buttons and looked down her shirt, Niffty responded to the confirmation by shoving herself out of Loot's arms with an indignant huff and falling on her ass, before standing up, "Dirty tease!" She shouted slapping Loot's backside, "Speaking of dirty." She grumbled running off and randomly cleaning things complaining about the mess as she went.

Loot raised her sword ready to chase her for that slap but was stopped by Charlie reaching over to offhandedly fix her shirt and tie even as she watched Niffty go on her little cleaning rampage, before getting distracted by another new arrival, Loot tucked her hands into her pockets and followed after.

Carmilla smiled it had been a lovely birthday, Breakfast with her daughters who then joined her and Zestiel for lunch, and supper at her favorite restaurant with Velvette, who had agreed to her request.

Now back in her bedroom she slipped on the fancy looking but cheap gown she had gotten for this game, it looked the part of a Victorian lady's finery but would be no loss when her lover, playing the role of a dastardly scoundrel tore it off to claim her prize.

Carmilla shivered with excitement and lay herself down to await the arrival of the the game's villain, it did seem to be taking a while longer than she expected Velvette had insisted on making a proper costume for herself, maybe she got lost in the creative process? No Carmilla dismissed that this was her birthday gift Velvette could be less than a perfect partner but not nearly that bad.

Carmilla giggled perhaps she was playfully pretending to sneak up here Velvette could be quite the tease so delaying in such a way was surely well within her.

Then suddenly the door to the bedroom slammed open Clara flying through it landing halfway across the room and nearly sliding the rest of the way to the opposing wall, followed by a costumed Velvette ducking and weaving to avoid a flurry of kicks from Odette.

"Girls!" Carmilla shouted stopping the fight and drawing all eyes to her, "That's Velvette!" She declared pointing to her disguised lover.

The Carmine sisters looked to their mother and back to Velvette and answered in unison "We know."

Carmilla crossed her arms and gave her daughters a stern glare "I invited her here." She said thoroughly unimpressed.

"We know." Came the response from her daughters.

Carmilla pinched her brow in frustration "I'm sorry this didn't work out Velvette." She apologized, looking dejected and embarrassed.

"Oh hell no!" Velvette shouted " I am not getting schlick bricked!" Odette looked unimpressed while Clara looked like she was ill from the gross term, Velvette marched towards the bed "I am fucking your fine ass till the break of dawn!" She turns and points to the distressed Carmine sisters, "Get out or it gets weird!" When they were to slow for Velvette's liking she she grabbed Carmilla by the hair and pulled her face next to hers "The safe word is harder mommy!" She growled through gritted teeth.

Clara tripped more than once in her mad dash to get out of the room, Odette stood there to stunned to react until her sister reached back and pulled her along.

Carmilla nearly giggled at the sight before she was suddenly shoved down Velvette straddling her "Well well." Velvette remarked looking over Carmilla with hunger in her eyes, "I'd thought to make off with some of the family jewels, but it seems I've found far more..." Her eyes linger on Carmilla's bosom, "Bountiful treasures to claim." And began kissing Carmilla's neck, intent on giving her girlfriend the night she'd promised.

If Emily turns out to be Charlie's half sister

Emily meeting her father Lucifer for the first time "This is Lute my girlfriend."

"You like stealing Adam's girl?! I like stealing Adam's girl!" He scoops Emily and Lute into a big hug, "We have so much in common!"

Loot AU: Not Alone

Loot beamed with delight as she reached out to Charlie's shoulder intent on gaining her attention for a good morning kiss, Charlie turned around a radiant smile on her beautiful face, but it vanished replaced with absolute horror and she began stumbling away desperate to put distance between them.

Loot watched in confusion, until she looked at the hand she had put on Charlie's shoulder and saw Sir Pentious's severed head staring at her with it's lifeless eyes, she dropped it and backed away tripping over his corpse, Loot shuffled back in horror before looking around eyes wet with tears Alastor mangled remains were at the foot of the staircase, Cherri's corpse was nearby cut down as she fled, in a corner were Angel Dust and Husk huddle together one of Niffty's tiny arms reaching out beneath them, they died trying to protect her.

Loot raised a hand to cover her mouth only to find she had none both her arms simply tapered into angelic swords in those blades she saw her reflection her mask splattered in blood and grinning that sadistic gleeful grin.

Loot's eyes stayed closed even as she snapped awake thankful she had done so early in the dream before she hurt Charlie or her friends's corpses began encouraging her to kill more sinners or asking why she betrayed them.

Loot steadied her breathing and tried to calm down, "This is your first night living in the same room as her, don't ruin it with your stupid nightmares." She admonished herself, she opened her eyes to confirm she was awake and calm herself, and immediately felt pangs of guilt rush through her as she saw a gentle yellow glow.

"Are you ok sweetie?" Charlie asked reaching up to stroke Loot's cheek, "Did you have a bad dream?" She continued gently.

Loot wanted to brush it off to not burden Charlie with her troubles, but, Loot rolled over and buried her face in Charlie's shoulder and sobbed, Charlie stroked her girlfriend's hair and reassured her it was alright, she told her she was there for her that she loved her, until Loot had cried herself sleep.

Charlie lay there still stroking Loot's hair she wanted to talk about this but it could wait till morning, for now she'd let the poor woman rest, Charlie's own tears began to flow as she wondered "How many times has this happened and I wasn't there for you?" She softly kissed the top of Loot's head, "You aren't alone anymore, and I promise you never will be again." She whispered before letting herself follow Loot into slumber.

Emily's phone rings showing a call from "Mommy"

Sera looks surprised "Oh I'm sorry dear I must have pocket dialed you!"

Emily answering the call "Hi Lute!"

Sera O_O

Helsa x Lute, their love language is hating charlie and vaggie,

Emily's side of the last Emilute post I made

Emily posts a selfie with Lute flipping the bird in the background with the caption "about to not cuck my step bro will share video after."

Later just posts "I licked pudding off her abs I ain't posting that crud."

Loot AU: Relationship Upgrade

Loot approaches Charlie having learned the secret to killing angels, Charlie gives a warm smile and holds up a small knife,"I got you a souvenir." She declares softly to show Loot that her anger over hiding her angelic nature has abated.

Loot feels tears welling up and wipes them away "Of course you would forgive me." She says smiling back at Charlie, "You always forgive people, always see the best in us and try to bring it out for everyone else to see, that's why I love you."

Charlie looks off to the side, "You mean, that's what you love about me right?" Charlie utters having accepted that Loot only sees her as a friend.

Loot cups Charlie's face the same gentle way she had done for her in their first meeting in that dark alley years ago, and says "No."

Charlie's eyes wide and she blurts out "Oh fuck i-is this actually happening?" Loot leans in closer "I feel the same way I just didn't want to make you feel pressured! I mean I still don't so if you don't want to do thi..." Charlie's rambles are cut off as she closes that last tiny distance to press her lips against Loot's.

Charlie wraps her arms around Loot's waste pulling them together, Loot hugs Charlie back... Despite her hands still being on Charlie's face... As the two separate Charlie looks down to figure out the logistics of this and her eyes widen "Loot! Your wings grew back!" She exclames at the sight of the newly regrown appendages.

Loot simply stares dreamily at Charlie "Hmm? Oh cool I have those again." She utters completely uninterested in this decidedly not Charlie kissing news, before leaning back in to kiss her again.

When the two separate again Charlie rests her forehead against Loot's and giggles "Come on, let's go home." She turns draping her arm over Loot's shoulder and leading her back to the Hotel.

Loona: Vel we need to take a break.

Velvette: What? No way I'm in the zone! Any time now I'm gonna come up with a masterpiece!

Loona: The last 20 designs have either been increasingly skimpy goth schoolgirl uniforms the last one of which barely covered a quarter of my tits, or have had food print, you are Horngry and it's affecting your work, you get something to eat while I eat you and we will get back to it.

Velvette: Ugh! Fine! I'll eat something and have sex with my hot goth girlfriend! Fucking hell my life is hard!

Lute posts a selfie with Emily waving in the background with the caption " about to be super straight will share video after"

Later just posts "Got my ass dragged out of the closet, I ain't posting that shit."

Continuing my work as a purveyor of rarepares

Velvette is watching a cringe commercial compilation when she suddenly pauses and rewinds eyes wide and scanning the screen of her phone over and over,

she switches it to play on the TV and stares in awe at the white and grey hellhound as her imagination races the ideas flooding her mind, she looks up the address for the business it's over in that slummy imp city, she throws on something to impress grabs her phone and rushes off, to acquire her new muse.

Pretty standard stuff here Velvette sees Loona as a object of inspiration and lust needs to see her as a person gets frustrated when Blitzo won't just sell her, decides to try and woo her falls for her for real, can do a whole need to keep it secret because Loona being a hellborn makes her a easy target for Velvette's enemies, maybe whole tragic thing where Velvette needs her own love potions to feel intimate and Loona demands she break the addiction, crazy Velvette fans targeting Loona, lot's of potential here I think, for a slightly different take compared to Loona x Bee, what with Velvette being more overtly evil and presenting a more flawed love interest.

👿🌈😇 wip

Loot AU: Trust falls

"I love you!" Charlie started standing on the stage.

Loot's cheeks began to heat up and she looked away to regain her composure "say it back you idiot you have been waiting years for this fucking moment say it fucking back!" Loot screamed in her mind before.

"All of you, as friends!" Charlie added just as Loot turned back, "Friends, who are in no way obligated to return these very platonic feelings, or any romantic feelings due to any actions on my part!" Charlie ended with a nervous laugh before throwing herself of the stage.

Loot pushed away the intruding self loathing to rush forward and catch her "I've got you ma'am!" Loot's eyes darted to her organic hand clutching Charlie's arm as she held her, and there it was the imaginary blood staining her hand and spreading to Charlie, Loot was used to it by now and blinked it away.

"I knew I could count on you Looty Patooty!" Charlie proclaimed bopping Loot's nose as she was set down.

"Can't help but notice I'm the only one who ran to catch you." Loot said as she turned to glare at the rest of the group.

"Ahh come on doll!" Angel said throwing his hands out to the side, " We just didn't want to get trampled by the princess's noble knight." He added in a mocking sweet tone.

"Angel! I will rip your fucking dick off!" Loot yelled.

"Hey you said you wouldn't do that again!" Angel protested.

"I said I would try not to!" Loot retorted letting anger act as anodyne for her soul to bury the hurt of both once again deluding herself into thinking Charlie returned her ""sick"" feelings, and remembering why she deserved this hell.

Loot AU: First meeting

Lute is fading in and out of consciousness in a back alley of hell, during one bout of awareness she sees a figure approaching her, her effort to respond puts to much stress on her and she blacks out, as the world fades away she hears a the stranger call out "woah! easy there."

When Lute awakens she sees the figure leaning over her, in a burst of adrenaline she grabs them by the shirt with her remaining arm and slams them against the opposite wall holding them aloft snarling in fear pain and anger.

"Oh good your awake!" Charlie proclaimed entirely to cheerfully for someone being held 2 feet off the ground, "Are the bandages ok?" She nervously reached up and tucked her hair behind her ear, "Not to tight?"

Lute looked at her quizzically before looking down at her missing arm and chest seeing her wounds were indeed dressed, with no imminent threat her adrenaline failed her and she lowered Charlie to the ground before stumbling back trying to steady herself nearly falling when she tripped over her own discarded mask and sword, Lute panicked seeing that she hadn't put any distance between herself and those items her eyes widening with horror realizing that her true nature would be exposed.

Then she was pulled from the panic by the sensation of Charlie's hands very gently cupping her face and pulling her eyes to meet her own, "It's ok." She assured her, "It's over now, they're gone, they won't hurt you anymore." Charlie's voice cracked a little as she said those reassurances.

Charlie released Lute's face and put a steadying hand on the wounded woman's shoulder, " My name is Charlie." She declared regaining her perky tone, "what's yours?"

"It's Lute." Catching her self Lute hastily added "Umm spelled with two O's! Like you know Loot as in looting because I'm a sinner and we like to like loot things!" Loot cringed at that, not even Emily was naive enough to buy that.

"Well Loot!" Charlie declared buying it, "I know post extermination is usually prime time for your namesake, but given your condition how about you take a rain check and I get you something to eat? Help you get your strength back?" With that Charlie turned towards the exit to the alley and began calling for Razzle and Dazzle.

Loot watched her walk away and reached up touching her cheek where one of Charlie's hands had rested so gently, and felt herself blushing, ""Looting"" her sword, she followed after.

This started as me just wanting to do a joke about Loot threatening to kill charlie and her still doing the hair tuck, and got way out of hand.