20 | she/they | just a bunch of buzz over fictional nonsense
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Heybluez - Kait! - Tumblr Blog
FAVORITE CHAPPELL ROAN BRIDGE/OUTRO → CASUAL “I wrote this song bc I am legitimately so tired of love turning into situationships and I know my friends are so tired about hearing about the sh*t show of my love life.”
on maybe a lighter note, i am also currently rereading death wish (something must be in the air), and i myself was wondering if sensei could see casey in a similar manner to the way the boys got to see him via draxums spell. mostly so case could get to actually hug and see his dad again, even if just for a short moment, it's a concept that i thought was super sweet and would likely help both sensei and casey deal with This Whole Situation.
oops tripped and wrote 1.3k abt this my bad
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"Open your eyes."
Casey hugged his arms closer to his chest, heart thumping.
"Come on, hermano." Leo coaxed, jostling him from the left, a grin in his voice. "You made it in here. Don't you want to see?"
Casey wasn't sure he wanted to see, because he'd convinced himself that this wasn't going to work, that he'd climb into Leo's mind and find only darkness. That he would never see his dad again. Casey told himself it was okay, over and over, that he was okay with what he had been gifted back, that he'd thought he lost. Even if it didn't look like his dad.
But Mikey had put a bunch of effort into learning the spell from Draxum specifically for this moment. Casey carefully peeled one eye open, and a shiver ran over his skin. The atmosphere was undeniably different than reality, it had the same sensation of walking into someone else's house with your shoes on.
The ground looked like resin, back-lit with sparkling glitter, and there was the thick trunk of an enormous tree right in the middle of a gorgeous midnight blue sky, dotted with stars and constellations. The branches cross-cut through the huge ceiling and the roots crawled out in tangled fingers reaching towards their feet.
"Woah." Casey said, because this wasn't what he was expecting at all.
"Isn't it neat?" Leo spread his arm and spun in a circle, tipping his head back at the scenery. "Who knew something this cool could exist in my brain, right?"
Casey approached the tree, hand out, and pressed his palm to the bark. The sensation that washed over him was a warm bath of rosewater.
"That's Sensei." Leo told him. "Metaphorically. I have actual Sensei in here too, the tree is just a representation."
Casey had heard them say that Sensei was a tree, but it was different to see it. The knots and branches, budding green leaves and the humming feeling that ran up his arm when he curled his fingers against the bark.
"Are you ready to see him?" Leo asked, from behind him.
There was a second of quiet. Casey shut his eyes again, breathing. He didn't know what he was scared of, it seemed silly to be this afraid. But he was, because he'd accepted he wasn't going to see him like this again. And that was fine. He wasn't upset, he was grateful.
Except Sensei was in here, as he knew him, and Casey's heart splintered in a grief he could not name. Losing something, getting it back different, but being offered the chance to see the original again. Would it ruin that gratefulness? Would it hurt too much to see that version and see the shadows that should be standing behind him?
Sorrow soaked through the rough texture. Casey gathered it up tight and found his bravery from the well inside him. He said, "Yeah, yeah, I'm ready."
"You sure?" Leo said, and the worry was a lemon taste in the air. It was weird being in his head.
Casey turned around to give him a smile that he meant wholeheartedly. "Yeah, I'm good. It's just a lot."
"He is a lot." Leo agreed, and pointed behind the tree. "Head that way. I'll give you space to do that on your own. I'll be over here, I'm gonna get Mikey in so we can see who can climb the tree the fastest."
"My money's on Mikey." Casey said.
"I will take that bet." Leo grinned huge, only to immediately soften it. "Go on. He's waiting for you."
Casey trailed his fingers on the trunk, feeling the tingle like static electricity as he circled around the back. The vast night sky continued on infinitely, and it took care to step over the roots and not trip. Casey kept his eyes on his feet until he was back on that sparkling resin-like floor, heart pumping hard, as if it was trying to punch out of his rib cage. He stopped in place, afraid to raise his head.
"Now it's easier for me to appreciate now how much taller you've gotten." Sensei said.
The sound of Sensei's voice felt like a crack splintering up a pane of glass. Casey's breath caught in his throat, sore. That familiar timbre was enough to renew his bravery, and he looked up.
Sensei. The impressive height, broad shoulders, and crinkling around his eyes. The dark circles, scarring up and down his skin, and the old sorrow that he could never quite shake. All wrapped up in persistent love and care that poured off him.
Casey used to wander around bases looking for height above the crowds, remembering his heart leaping when he spotted green in the masses. Recognizing an approaching figure from gait alone, trailing behind and holding one large finger in his whole small hand. Leaping full speed at this exact image after a long mission without his dad.
He didn't feel like he'd gotten any taller. Right now, he felt about five years old. He finally breathed again, the shaky inhale dangerously close to fracturing into something else. He said, "Hey."
"Hi." Sensei smiled, and the crinkles lit up around his eyes. And he sounded just as nervous as Casey.
And that just wouldn't do. Casey closed the distance between them, not wanting his dad to be afraid that this was -- he wasn't even sure what Sensei was thinking, that he'd disappoint him or something stupid like that. So instead he threw himself full speed at Sensei with the complete confidence that he would be caught.
And he was. Sensei bent his knees enough to swoop him all the way up, singular arm iron tight and lifting him straight off his feet. Casey muffled the singular sob that escaped into Sensei's shoulder, keeping arms locked around his neck. No matter how afraid he'd been coming in, he was more terrified to let go now.
"Oh, Case." Sensei said, and kissed the side of his head. It erupted a nostalgic joy, painful and old, slotted back into place. He'd felt that a thousand times before, just like that. It felt right.
Casey merely tightened his hold in response. The glass fissured and split. He gasped for air as it shattered, and he began to cry.
"It shouldn't matter." Casey hiccuped, barely able to catch his breath. "I didn't want it to matter. I wanted -- I want it to be enough, just to have you in my life. I don't want to care what form."
Sensei hummed, and lowered them to the ground, gathering Casey in his lap and tucking him under his chin. It broke the shards into smaller flakes, because this was his dad who could surround him completely, protect him from the world even with just one strong arm. Casey curled up small and selfishly relished the feeling of safety. The sensation of it was so unbearably familiar.
"I don't think there's anything wrong with that." Sensei said, after a moment, squeezing reassuringly. "We can be grateful for what we have and equally grateful for a moment like this."
Casey soaked in the warm rosewater feeling, and reached to curl his fingers on the edge of Sensei's plastron, the tears streaking down his cheeks. He said, "Thank you."
Sensei pressed his smiling mouth to the top of Casey's head again, and said against his hair, "I love you to death, Casey Junior."
"You've loved me past that." Casey hiccuped, and squeezed his eyes shut painfully at the overwhelming rush. "I love you for a billion years."
"Oh it's a billion now?"
"I'm ambitious."
Sensei chuckled and squeezed again, in all the ways he'd been missing.
Casey didn't think about when they'd have to let go. They had a billion years, after all.
Ok but what if they DEFEAT the Krang in their 20s and rebuild the world all solarpunk and they are happy
Hi! You totally don’t have to answer this but I was rereading Death Wish again today for like the sixth time and I had a thought.
After everything is said and done and they’ve lived a nice long life together, does Sensei get to see his Donnie again? Does Leo get to meet the family he’s seen so much of in Sensei’s memories?
Sorry if that’s an annoying question. It was just kind of a sad thought I was having.
i'll answer this in kind of a roundabout way -- sensei's story was always meant to be about grief. more specifically to me, it was meant to be a realistic representation of grief. there is ABSOLUTELY a place in the world for the fix-it stories where donnie shows up in a blaze of glory and they are reunited and everything is awesome. that is the ultimate wish fulfillment and i love it.
but i wanted something for those who can't fix it, who have to live with pain and think that they'd give anything just to have them back, just to be reunited, just one more time.
i wanted to write a story that said, this is the worst thing that will ever happen to you, you have to live with this pain and there is no fix-it, but you will live through it anyway.
would they be reunited in death? i have no idea, neither does sensei, so he will just have to live on as there's no way to answer that question.
but i really, really, really hope so.
"Be there for each other."
GRWM: Donnie Edition 🖋💜
Greenline Is Complete
Total number of parts: 29
Panels: 240
The entirety of Greenline will be posted on my Patreon this week and next week, and the comic will start to go up in July at the latest :)
HAPPY PRIDE MONTH 🌈💐👩❤️💋👩
Father and Son
@mk-otro found my old screentones so I decided to experiment. Still do not miss having to cut these things, haha, what a paaaaain!
Decided to finally break out my fountain pen with the flexible nib so I could get some line variation. Now I just have to practice drawing...slo...wer..... >_<
Sob sob the twins ever,,,
How much longer until we all fall down?
I don't remember if I ever posted my original screenshot redraws here...
It's been so long since I've done any it was a fun exercise to return to.
That’s MY midwestern princess
Tags: @st-leclerc @rubywingsracing @three-days-time @saviour-of-lord
´´The warrior of the future´´
lets once again remember that donnie and baxter stockboy are BOTH canonically youtubers
Heyyyyyy #rottmnt is trending~
They're a little sloppy because I tried to sketch in photoshop...
About time i actually posted here; i present the wasted brothers 💜❤️💙🧡
i wonder what he’s listening to
Even death can't separate them
Some old art I found in haven’t ever finished
Looks good enough tho, i don’t remember what the theme was
Some things never change
☆ Weird Science ~ !