20~Any pronouns~*
44 posts
G-0-th-9-m - PVNK - Tumblr Blog
OKAY EVERYONE CUT CARE TIPS:
First off, what kind of cut are we dealing with? Is it an Epi? Styro? Beans?. I’ve only had experience PERSONALLY with the first two but I’m gonna relay tips for the others
General things you need:
Blood Rag; a rag that you can use to clean up/soak up blood or hold on the wound until it stops bleeding. NEVER use toilet paper or paper towels!!! This can break off in the wound and cause infections. Cut up an old shirt if you have to. if you can’t, use paper towels as a last resort. Always clean your Blood Rags before and after use. hydrogen peroxide and alcohol, rinse with water.
Topicals; this can be antibiotic ointments, wound cleaning spray, isopropyl alcohol. Try to have some antibiotic ointment on hand for general and sh use.
Bandages; to close or cover the wound. Bandaids work fine if it’s tiny, try not to get the adhesive on the wound. If it’s bigger try to get some gauze pads. Steri-strips are a need if you do beans.
CUT CARE FOR DIFFERENT CUTS:
Epis: clean with alcohol or hydrogen peroxide and rinse with water, put a bandaid on and ointment if you need. These are basically cat scratches and need the least amount of attention.
Styros: clean with hydrogen peroxide, it’s not as harsh as alcohol. Apply ointment, depending on size of styro use big bandage or small gauze pad.
Beans: clean the OUTSIDE with hydrogen peroxide, do not clean the inside of the wound! This can cause worse damage. Apply ointment/wound care supplies and use a steri-strip to close the wound. If you don’t have any, take a bandaid and put the adhesive on one side of the wound and pull as you put it on the other side. Use multiple to secure it. Cover with gauze pad if necessary.
Anything below: same as with beans but this time you need to go to the hospital. No you can’t let this heal on it’s own you need stitches.
And that’s it! I’ll update with more information and tips if needed.
i’m not doing bad enough to deserve or need help because i’m happy sometimes and i can usually function “normally”.
but i have cuts covering my arm and i’m eating badly.
but i shouldn’t be doing those things because i should be able to cope and i’m not doing that badly.
but i clearly can’t cope if i’m resulting to these negative coping mechanisms.
but i’m not like going to kms or anything.
but i wouldn’t be complaining if i didn’t wake up tomorrow.
stop invalidating people, start validating them!
use whatever the fuck terms you want!
use xenogenders, use microlabels, use neopronouns! who cares! it isnt hurting anyone.
so what if your gender/orientation/pronouns/whatever is weird or "cringe"? its yours! you can describe yourself however the fuck you want
(Anti xeno/anti neos/anti microlabels/anti mogai and other bigots dni.)
Clint could’ve jumped off vormir tbh. If you had to choose between THE BLACK WIDOW or Hawkeye to live I’m pretty sure a good 90% of us would’ve chose black widow. Hawkeye is my nigga and all but the team could’ve survived without him.
riddle me this
why is it when a new supernatural drama comes out every 2 minutes with straight white leads reviewers call it fun and sexy but when a new supernatural drama comes with a wlw plot line with a black non stereoytpical protagonist suddenly the trope is tired and boring?
im so fucking tired of this shit.
and im just gonna say this too:
if it was two white leads half the hot takes about “ poor representation of sapphic media” would be non existient cause not one thinkpiece i’ve seen has been groundbreaking
⚠️TW - sh⚠️
parts of self h@rm people dont talk about enough
the guilt after doing it
the sting the next day
the need to tell someone but refusing to talk if anybody asks you
the need to justify it to yourself
the horrible feeling if it doesnt bleed enough
if you struggle with sh then i am here for you, just know that your not alone and i will support you on your journey wherever it may take you. sending all of you so much love💕💕💕
Me in a nutshell
List of MaDD Things I do
I feel like I'm constantly invalidating me and my MaDD. It feels like my experience with daydreaming inherently differentiates from the experiences of other maladaptive daydreamers. I hate that I'm doubting myself so much so in order to fix that I will write about specific things regarding my MaDD that I haven't really seen anywhere else here on Tumblr or other social media platforms.
First of all, I do suspect that I might be neurodivergent. I currently have no way of getting a diagnosis but I have done a lot of research which lead me to the conclusion that it is highly possible I have ADHD. I felt the need to say this because I think some things I'll mention will correspond to my neurodivergent tendencies.
Here's my list of unusual things I do in order to daydream/while daydreaming:
I can't focus enough to properly daydream in my everyday life because of noises or people talking in the background
because of that I prefer to daydream right before sleeping
the room or space that I'm daydreaming in has to either be completely silent or play music without lyrics (preferably classical music)
I lie completely still most of the time to be able to fully concentrate on my scenario or paracosm
since I practically cannot daydream throughout the day I often distract myself with literally anything
that is mostly tiktok, tumblr, youtube, netflix, homework, or any type of media/activity I can indulge in to forget my need to daydream
I get quite a lot of intrusive daydreams where a possible outcome of the situation or event I'm currently in just starts sort of manifesting in my head and I have to stop myself from continuing that daydream (these scenarios are often very unlike to actually happen and mostly consist of me getting hurt, accidents or other unpleasant stuff)
I have exactly one (1) distinct memory of me daydreaming similarly to maladaptive daydreaming as a child leading me to believe that it had just recently started developing (probably during the pandemic)
I'm aroace and had a lot of difficulties coming to terms with me being aromantic, so most of my daydreams/scenarios/paracoms include a lot romance with f.e. a parame to cope with that
All in all Maladaptive Daydreaming is my biggest comfort and NO.1 coping mechanism •°. *࿐
cis people just don't get it tbh
(edit: i added a watermark bc some of u cheeky fuckers like reposting art w/o credit ....)
Happy pride to people with neopronouns and xenogenders! Happy pride to mspec lesbians and gays, to people under the MOGAI banner! Happy pride to aces and aros! HAPPY PRIDE TO ALL QUEER FOLKS!!
Exclusionists can fuck right off <3
The Dark Side of Maladaptive Daydreaming
TW: I don’t talk about specific violent topics(just mainly say “i have violent daydreams”), but if you don’t want to read anything about the dark side of daydreams just go ahead and skip this one.
I’m feely kinda shitty and anxious, and to actually be a little more proactive this time I pushed myself to write this overdue post instead of daydreaming. I mean either way I’ll end up daydreaming before I go to bed…moving on.
A couple of weeks ago The Daydreamers was released. And it was a good dip-a-toe-in-the-water introduction about maladaptive daydreaming. Afterwards I read a few tumblr posts about it, and I remember there was one post where anon expressed their frustration with the doc presenting MaDDing as this escape to a happy wonderland. This is a criticism I’ve heard before, and one I’ve had myself.
When I first got involved in the MaDD community online I was frustrated to see -what appeared to me - MaDDers not taking it seriously. They were sharing art of their paras, paracosms, writing about their wonder fantasies, and posting memes. To me this came across as almost “lacking a depth”, I knew that humor is a coping mechanism, but I was upset that there seemed to be so so few posts with in depth dives into the negatives of MaDD. To me it looked like everyone else was peachy with it, while I withering with it’s burden. That’s why I started this blog, to create the content I wanted to see(no shame to those who rather post light hearted stuff).
To start off, I always dislike that the word “daydreaming” is included in the name of this condition, because “daydreaming” has a very “cute” and “innocuous” connation in our language. And to be frank, cute and innocuous are probably the last words I’d use to describe my daydreams.
My daydreams can contain incredibly dark, morbid, and violent things. There is a common theme of isolation, loneliness, being misunderstood, and martyr complexes. My parame suffering, all the while being criticized and hated by those around them. That’s a very common theme, being hated because I’m misunderstood and I am going through some struggle unbeknownst to those around me. I would best title it as “Look at how everyone misjudges and hates me, but I am really a good person whose made sacrifices for others but has been wronged many times but I refuse to open up about it because I am afraid and because I don’t think I deserve to seek help and I am socially anxious”.
And while there is this common underlying theme, it tends to manifest in disturbing and/or violent ways.
*by manifest I mean what the content of the paracosm is.
And if I were to be honest, alot and I mean alot of my paracosms are straight up depressing, and their frequency tends to increase in quantity and disturbance level the more unhappy I am in real life.
But why do I/we do it? My best answer is that it’s a way to live out and externalize negative emotions I/we struggle to express and explore in our actual lives. The daydreaming gives a filter, a “safe place” to externalize, feel, and express these bad feelings. I wonder too if it acts as a disconnecting mechanism, you can experience your emotions through the paras you created, that way you don’t have to feel them as your own emotions that have occurred due to your life circumstances. Can I say it’s bit like a disassociating mechanism? Personally for me I’ve always tended to feel invalidated in my negative feelings. I felt (and still do) that I did not/have not earned sadness. That its stupid for me to be upset so much by something when there are so many other people with so much worse, so I create a fictional world where my parame experiences traumatic events that then make me feel justified to express my negative emotions through my parame. Because obviously those negative emotions make sense in the context of my parame’s life, but my actual life? Absolutely not.
TBH, I was gonna write a few examples of these dark paracosms but I backed out because honestly I’m still too nervous and scared to share the details. Sure I’m anonymous on this platform, but I know once somethings out on the internet it stays there forever. And I am afraid of the wrong people finding my post detailing my horrific daydreams and then somehow finding out who I am and they think i’m fucked up and so on….So this is all for now. These thoughts are from my personal experiences and I don’t speak for every MaDDer.
MaDD, the non-romanticized version, part 1.
when your brain is so burnt out that your daydreams stop and you suddenly are taken back to reality and feel completely empty and unfulfilled.
Want to try something new? Try Maladaptive Daydreaming!!!
It's the best way to spend your time when you're alone with your own thoughts!
It has a lot of amazing benefits, including!:
Wasting between a quarter and a half of your day daydreaming instead of doing useful stuff!
Pacing around your room like a caged animal until you feel dizzy and your legs hurt!
Jumping, running or doing sudden movements in the most intense moments that can lead to you accidentally hurting yourself in the furniture from running straight into it!
Making the same faces as the characters to visualize them better in your head!
Daydreaming in public, including the weird movements and faces, and hoping nobody saw you!
Making yourself happy, sad, angry or panicked just by daydreaming something as vividly as possible!
Dropping whatever you were doing just to daydream! Washing yourself? Doing your homework? Paying attention in class? Drawing? No!! Your daydream is more important!!
Imagining yourself as the-nobody-who-turned-into-a-hero-and-is-admired-by-everyone because no one cares about you irl!
Having multiple storylines with the same characters and alternating between them while you try to find the best one to keep!
Stopping the fictional daydream you've worked for almost half of your life just because a furry anime that came out recently has almost the same plot as your daydreams, and feeling like you're stealing their idea!
Switching your daydreams from a fictional world with fictional characters to using real life people!
Daydreaming about situations that have a close to zero chance of happening, and obsessing over them happening!
And if they can happen irl, daydreaming about them until you actually do them!!
Daydreaming about people you'll never meet, and I don't mean only celebrities!
Obsessively daydreaming about said people as a coping mechanism that you'll never meet them in real life!!
Slightly altering your daydream after you find something new about those people, which conflicts with the current storyline!
Having dramatic daydreams about what someone might say and what you'll answer and how you'll feel, only to get an underwhelming answer irl!
Imagining THE worst scenario if something bad happens to someone and you know about it only vaguely, and seeing it so clearly in your head that you panic because you don't know what's actually happening to them irl!
Taking the "thinking about what you could've said in an argument" to the next level and preparing yourself in case one happens based on vague hints that it might happen!
Daydreaming so much about an idea and for a longer period of time, "waking up" and being sad that the daydream wasn't real even though you knew it wasn't real from the get-go!
And this is only my experience! Yours could be completely different! Maybe even better than mine!!
Experts recommend starting it as early as possible, preferably in kindergarten!! So you can daydream for as long as this short life allows you!!
Soon enough you won't want to live in this boring "real" life anymore!
IRON WIDOW DREAM CAST
Yesterday I finished Iron Widow, so since I can't stop thinking about it, here is my dream cast:
WU ZETIAN as Ni Ni
I mean, look at her in one of their photoshoots! The fox-girl, the Iron Widow!
LI SHIMIN as Remy Hii
I just think he would be perfect in it, also look at this gif and imagine if Shimin had grown up with his mother's people!
GAO YIZHI as Gong Jun
Baby beautiful, baby angel, baby perfect! Also, look at his heart eyes for Shimin and Zetian!
BONUS: EMPEROR QIN ZHENG as Luo Yuxin
I mean, let's embark baby!
[Iron Widow is an amazing book by @xiranjayzhao, if you still is committing the crime of not reading it: GO READ IT RIGHT KNOW!]
Please let these men kiss and make up thx
A genuinely friendly reminder that this is how the books end: them together, living their lives happily. Villanelle doesn't die and gets a linguistics degree.
Natasha Romanoff edits on YouTube that honor her more than the movies ever did
just nat vibing to ‘cheap thrills’ by sia
commission for @/blackwidowcos on instagram🧡
The Order of The Avengers (Part 1) - (2021)
A couple of months ago, I asked my followers what kind of Avengers fan art they wanted to see from me and they voted at 81% for the “Medieval / Heroic Fantasy AU” option. Here’s the result, I hope you’ll enjoy it! ♥ A big thank you to @vegetamochi who came up with the title. (Nb: this is an art project, there’s no fic to go with it)
PART 2 IS AVAILABLE HERE
It is definitely not talked about enough!
Red Room
Everyone talks about how Tony was tortured in Afghanistan, and Bruce survived his abusive father. Steve was in the ice for seventy years, and Bucky was under the control of Hydra for so long.
And they all always talk about them and how sad their pasts are, how strong they are for surviving that, and they have PTSD because of it.
But for some reason, Natasha’s time in the Red Room is always glossed over.
To me, that is just so weird, because yes-being kidnapped, living with an abusive parent who murdered your mother, and forever trapped somewhere and your life just slips away because of it-that must be painful, awful, and would scar your life forever. But the Red Room…that must’ve been a living hell.
Natasha’s parents died in a fire created by the Red Room when she was just a little girl-probably between the ages of 6, or 8, and then she was kidnapped and taken away to something awful. Her life was ripped away from her before she even had a chance to live it.
She lived in a place where dreams, hopes, and freewill die. Where she was chained to a bed every night with 27 other girls who were also chained to a bed.
Natasha was trained to kill, to lie, to seduce. And that doesn’t come your own choice. She was brainwashed. They implanted false memories into her head so she wouldn’t even have a choice. For years, Natasha believed she was ballerina, learning to dance; the fact that entire time she thought was learning to pirouette, she was actually learning how to slit throats. Two sets of memories, and of them never even happened. The Red Room warped Natasha’s brain.
Seduce. Natasha learned how to seduce men. I’m guessing that was exactly a simple process either. Which means she was probably raped.
If you didn’t already know this; Natasha is enhanced. A less intense version of the super soldier serum; and if you’ve seen “Captain America” you know that the process isn’t exactly a pleasant process. And she most likely didn’t just have it one time, they probably also used other ways to enhance her, like surgery. To take unnecessary things out of her, to improve performance. For example, the appendix; what if it decided to burst in the middle of a mission, that would compromise her. They made Natasha sterile; something of value has no place in her line of work. Steve was given the super soldier serum to become a better soldier, Natasha was enhanced to becoming a killing machine, she was being dehumanized.
The Red Room is not made up of nice people. Natasha trained under them, but not of her own decision. So not only did they brainwash her, enhance her, and raper her; but they beat her, too. If she failed at something, they punished her; The Red Room literally battered Natasha into submission. They trained her to be the best of the best, the best assassin, the best spy, and that means she was ever kidnapped and someone wanted to get information out of her, they would probably use less friendly measures. The Red Room didn’t want that to happen; which means only one thing, training Natasha to have a higher threshold for pain. They physically tortured her, ever since she was just a little girl.
Natasha is the only Black Widow out of 28 girls. One by one, they all died, only leaving her. She killed some of them, snapped their necks, shot them. Others may have died at the hands of the trainers. Until only a few were left, and the Red Room pitted them against each other-like the Hunger Games-until there was only one left standing. Natasha is the only Black Widow out of 28 girls.
The Red Room is one of the most horrifying things in the MCU. And yes-there are many painful pasts that exist; Bruce’s, Tony’s, Steve’s, Bucky’s. But don’t ever forget Natasha’s.
She’s a freaking warrior with one too many scars for surviving it.