Reblog This If You Want A LONG (or Short) Anonymous Message Saying What They Think Of You.

reblog this if you want a LONG (or short) anonymous message saying what they think of you.

ezra's going to be so confused when everyone finds him and they're all live action

common myths about migraines (AKA if you get headaches regularly, please seek treatment for migraines)

"i don't have migraines because while i get them several times a week, it's only when i am hungry or dehydrated."

those are probably migraines. thirst, hunger, sleep disturbances, or any disruption to routine are common migraine triggers.

"my headaches are specifically barometric related, i get them when the weather/altitude changes."

those are probably migraines. barometric pressure is a common migraine trigger.

"i get headaches all the time but ibuprofen gets rid of them so they can't be migraines."

that's not true. ibuprofen works great at relieving migraine pain for many people.

"my consistent headaches are tension headaches. i feel them originate in my neck/shoulders."

those are probably migraines. muscle tension is a common migraine trigger.

if you are regularly getting headaches (once a week or more), you are likely getting migraines. in fact, a good rule of thumb if you're consistently getting headaches is to treat them as migraines until you can rule out migraines. that's how common "chronic headache = migraine" actually is.

migraines are a neurological disorder wherein pain is one symptom. pain is often the MAIN symptom, and the most noticeable symptom, which can make diagnosis tricky. other symptoms of migraine include:

fatigue

nausea/vomiting

digestive issues

visual disturbances (auras)

sensitivity to light and/or sound

mood changes

brain fog/cognitive changes

ringing in the ears

dizziness/vertigo

numbness/weakness on one side of the body

this list is NOT complete, but is a starting point. i really like the comparison to a hangover. if you generally feel hungover when you get a headache (without having consumed alcohol), that's a classic migraine presentation.

so many people suffer from migraine and don't even know it, so they aren't able to advocate for themselves to get treatment. there are great new migraine treatments on the market! if you're able, please seek treatment for your migraines. a better quality of life is possible.

Omg it's been a YEAR?? wait- what?

Well- I suppose that's a good reason for me to have shared a 'Get to Know Me' post!

Lol I feel a smol speech is in order for getting this notification. Is that a thing? 😅

To y'all who've become mutuals with me, thank you so much- i'm touched by your friendship, those near and far. So sorry for timezones separating us!! If I could only be in your back pocket, I'd be there in a heartbeat...

Also to the thousands (again, WHAT) of you who have every given a fic the 'ole thumbs up or giggled at something I've shared, I love you, too! It's been a joy to share these stories, works of art, fun facts, and friendly local internet TSAs alongside you. I hope to stay on //rather than ogle Tumblr from afar with no formal login like I did for 10+ years// While I'm proud to share my fics and drabbles, I'm even more happy to engage with YOU: the amazing communities on here.

Here's to you artists of all sorts out there doing your thing on this app-- LOVE YOU!

Not my art^^^ but absolutely what my heart feels like reading this fic!!! Ive not read or know this character, though I feel as though I do now! How the child in him is warmed and resonates with the light after years of darkness is SO touching, and you captured those emotions so well!

Fizzy, you stun me time and time again!!!!

I'll be looking forward to new installments~

Heaven and Hell

Fandom: Pilgrimage (2017)

Pairings: Raymond de Merville x Fem!Reader, Fem!Reader x Original male character

Word count: 2888

Warnings: Language, angst, arranged marriage, sexual references, slight religious/spiritual symbols and references.

Summary: From the imagine “Raymond has lost all hope of love and completely shut his heart down after losing everyone he has ever loved. Until he meets you.” 

Comments: Requested by @linasofia and @sazzlep Thank you to @glassgulls for reading over this for me and giving me your opinions on pacing and how to end the fic. 

As always, if you wish to be added to my tag lists, please let me know.

It had been four months now since Raymond had returned home. Every night and he saw that dreaded beach, and could feel the Mute biting into his flesh, ripping skin from his neck. The smell and taste of blood would still linger around Raymond as he sat bolt upright in bed, sweat pouring down him. When would the dreams stop? Unconsciously, every time Raymond had the dream and he would run his fingertips over the scar, feeling it tingle. 

Raymond trained his men, barking demands at them in the field. Then he would drink in his study, trying to drown out the memories. Hellfire burned in his mind, making him re-live the scene of every murder he had committed. It was the same endless cycle, day in and day out. Somewhere inside him, Raymond hoped for another war, just to break out of the monotony of what his life had become. Even his sexual appetite seemed to have disappeared, abandoning him to a never-ending world of darkness and repetition. 

***

You smiled as you walked swiftly to the training field to meet Henri, your fiancée. In your hands was a basket, filled with cheese, bread and an assortment of locally picked fruits, such as apples and grapes. 

The day was bright, with the midday sun leaving a soft warmth in the air. It was now late spring, almost summer. Your favourite time of year when all the plants were at their brightest, baby animals began to venture from their nests, and days grew longer. 

You were taking a short break from your sewing so that you could come and spend time with Henri. He was the same age as you, and the two of you had known each other since you were children. Truth be told, you loved Henri, but it was your family who had pushed for your matrimonial union. Otherwise you would have been just as happy remaining friends with him. After all, you knew deep down that his heart would never truly belong to you, but to a woman named Lucille. 

Raymond de Merville, the Baron’s son, was giving out demands to his soldiers, pacing in a line before them. You waited patiently at the door to the main armoury, watching in fascination as the soldiers sparred. 

Suddenly you noticed Raymond’s eyes study you. “What is that woman doing here?” he snapped. 

The men all looked at you, and in those moments you felt a huge blush hit your cheeks. 

“She is my fiancée,” Henri announced. He then requested to temporarily leave the training session to see you. Raymond rolled his eyes and reluctantly agreed. 

You smiled at Henri. “I was hoping we could spend lunchtime together. I made some food for us, to enjoy while the weather is good.” 

Raymond couldn’t help but keep his attention locked on you and Henri for a few seconds, and he listened to your sweet voice offer such kindness. He had had a fiancée once, but lost her to another man. The thought of her made him snarl and he felt a pang of disgust hit him, and he pushed it all away. 

It wasn’t long before Raymond stood his men down for their lunches, allowing Henri to sit with you. The two of you spoke about your upcoming wedding, and you couldn’t help but notice the way Henri hung his blonde head. The smiles curled his lips upward, but there was no spark in his eyes. And by the time that Henri had had his fill of food, he excused himself away. 

You watched him walk away towards the long path which led up to the barns. He was heading to see Lucille. Of course that was where he was going. 

With a sigh, you pulled together all the foods and put them back in your basket. 

In the corner of your eye and you could see Raymond watching you. He was sat alone, whilst the rest of the twenty or so men all sat in pairs or groups. All of them were eating, accept for Raymond. 

You walked toward Raymond, feeling your heart begin to race. His icy eyes were always intense, scaring you. “I have some food left if you would like some, Sir Raymond,” you said softly. “Please take what you’d like.” You placed the basket down. His eyes grazed over the basket and then lifted to focus on you. 

“You do know that Henri has his sights set elsewhere?” Raymond asked coldly. “Some woman up in the barn.” 

A lump rose in your throat. Despite you not being in love with Henri, you still wished that he would at least attempt to play the part of your fiancée, and not make his lack of interest in you so obvious. 

Raymond watched your expression as your gaze flitted back and forth, not quite sure where to rest. Your lips quivered. That feeling of being second best – he knew it all so well. 

“I know not to bother making him lunch again,” you said, finally being able to speak. “I may as well make it for you as I assume you would be more grateful for the effort.” 

“And the company,” Raymond replied. 

Those words made a tingle race up your spine. His voice was deep, and as it hit your ears, it was like pure velvet wrapping around you. You looked at him, allowing yourself to study him properly. Raymond was a handsome man, easily being in the middle of his fourth decade. He had a long, sharp nose, thin lips, and a steadily growing beard. He certainly looked and acted more experienced than Henri. 

***

The next day, and the next, and the next, you prepared food, but instead of giving it to Henri, you chose to sit with Raymond. You waited until Henri had disappeared for his rendezvous with Lucille, and sat with Raymond. None of the other men ever spoke to him outside of training, you noticed. But each lunch time, he gave you a smile as you offered him food. 

On the fourth day, you asked Raymond why he never brought food. 

“I am not always hungry, or in the mood to eat,” he replied. 

You couldn’t help but look at the large scar on his neck, which he had sustained when away in battle months earlier. Stories of Raymond’s ordeal had circulated around the village, but no one seemed to know the exact details. 

He noticed you studying his scar and smirked. He liked it when you studied him as he had observed over the last four days since meeting you that you tended to look away from him most of the time. Raymond could not deny that he found you attractive, and that longing to bed a woman was starting to rise. But you were betrothed to another, albeit a man who did not truly want you. Raymond at least honoured that. 

“You must eat, Raymond, to keep up your strength. I’m glad that I ventured down here now, even if my husband-to-be would rather be with another woman, I know that you are eating something, at least,” you said sadly. 

“Why are you marrying him?” Raymond asked bluntly. 

“Our families have been friends for years, and so have I and Henri. Our fathers arranged the marriage, wanting us to wed. And it seemed like a good fit; I do love Henri.” 

Raymond noticed you look at the grass beneath yourself as you said the words ‘I do love Henri’. 

“I’ve always supported him in anything that he has wanted to do.” 

“Is he there for you in return?” 

The question hit you hard in the chest. You knew the answer but could not bring yourself to vocalise it. Tears welled in your eyes and you sniffed, looking away in embarrassment. “I should return to my mother now. I’m sorry to keep you, Raymond.” 

“You are not keeping me.” He then said your name softly. 

You looked at him and his gaze bore through you, as if he were undressing each and every part of your whole being. A shiver raced down your spine and butterflies flapped in your stomach. How could this man beckon such a huge tidal wave of arousal within you? 

Raymond’s lips parted, but he held the words back. 

“Goodbye, Sir Raymond,” you said softly, and turned to leave. 

Raymond watched you walk away, following the path back up toward the main village. However could Henri ignore your kindness? Your sincerity. Your innocence. Whenever Raymond was with you and he felt that child side of himself rise. The memory of all the hellfire disappeared, leaving a shaft of heavenly light, with you at the centre. 

***

You did not come to see Raymond the next day, and so he felt nothing but disappointment in his heart. At lunchtime, he grit his teeth as he watched Henri take the walk towards the barns. To have a woman be devoted to him, even though she was not in love, and still tried to make a worthy wife. Raymond could only imagine what you would be like with a man you actually loved. 

The next day and you were missing again. What had happened to make you disappear? Raymond craved your company. Even though your meetings only lasted less than an hour, he had grown to finally appreciate company again. His mind would keep going off on tangents, searching for you. 

Raymond trusted Auben, his second in command, and asked him to speak with you. To go to your home and ask for your presence at dinner, with him, at the de Merville chateau. 

Dinner time came, and finally Raymond heard a knock on the door of the main dining hall. The head cook announced your arrival. 

You stepped into the hall, looking around at the stag head on the wall which was mounted above a huge fireplace. In front of the fireplace was Raymond, who got to his feet in order to greet you. “I’m glad you came,” he said. “I wished to show my gratitude for your company the last four days.” He looked at you, clothed in an emerald dress which seemed to bring out that beautiful sparkle in your eyes.

“You didn’t have to do such a thing, Sir Raymond,” you told him, taking a seat just down the table from him on his left hand side. “I’ve enjoyed our time together and wanted to make sure you were eating.” 

“Why did you stop coming?” Raymond asked. Sometimes his questioning was blunt and to the point, catching you off guard. 

You sighed, looking down again. “I…I know my place with Henri. His heart belongs to Lucille, and I will only be his wife in name only. But I still want to honour him as my fiancée. Going to see you was becoming inappropriate, even though I have been concerned for you.” 

“Then why did you come tonight?” 

“I don’t know,” you whispered. 

Raymond got to his feet and walked to your chair, looking down at you.

Your heart was thundering in your chest, beating so loud that you were terrified that he could hear it. 

“I know why you came. Despite wanting to honour Henri, you still hope for something true. You want a man to love you, treasure you, put you at the centre of everything in his life.” 

Tears fell down your cheeks at the sound of Raymond laying everything down before you. Of course that was what you wanted. You had wanted it since you were a little girl who was old enough to understand the ways of the world. 

“Such a stupid thing to dream,” you sobbed. 

Raymond whispered your name. “In a world of hell, you have become my heaven.” 

“We barely know each other, Sir Raymond,” you told him, feeling that all too familiar stir lower down your body. No man had ever made you feel so aroused. In fact, you had kept your maidenhood preserved, as was expected. “I really do not feel this is appropriate at all.” 

You shifted away from him and got to your feet, again averting your gaze from him. 

Raymond growled. “Henri is a fucking fool.” 

“You have known me for no more than four days. Our conversation has been brief, so you surely cannot say that you feel something for me? Unless it is company warming your bed that you require.” 

A smirk grew on Raymond’s face. He had seen the fire inside you rise on a few occasions when speaking with you. There was a flame in your eyes, and in your words. That flame would make sure that no one took advantage of you, either physically or of your virtuous nature. 

“Do you think Henri cares that you are here?!” Raymond roared. “When each day that you have visited me, he has been off fucking her in the barn. The man has no honour.”

“And you do?” 

“You may not think highly of me, but I will not allow you to remain in their shadow. For all the kindness and honour you show toward him, you could be showing that to another man who would walk through hellfire for you, and make sure you remain as pure as an angel heaven sent.” 

“Raymond…” you whispered. You looked at him, seeing a sadness rise in his icy blue depths. It was a sadness you had not seen before. The very sight of him being so open made you step forward and then reach out, cupping his cheek. “I am not worth anything to anyone.” 

“You are to me. What little heart I have been given has always found its way to those who have broken it. I want you to have it, and I will be that man you have always wanted.” 

“You needn’t be anything more than the man you already are,” you told him. 

Raymond rushed at you and kissed you hard. It felt as if you were melting away, merging with him. His tongue was hot and demanding in your mouth, needing and wanting. 

Heat flared in his gut and down in his breeches, rising so high that he was sure his self-control would snap. Your body was pure perfection beneath his calloused hands, and he wanted to get at it all. 

“We cannot, Raymond,” you whispered sadly, pulling away. You kissed his brow softly, and then peppered his face with pecks of love. “The arrangement has been finalised. I marry Henri next month.” 

“Henri can marry his woman, and I shall marry you.” 

“Please…Find someone else more worthy than me. I am destined to be Henri’s wife, even if not the one who has his heart. I cannot change that.” 

Raymond was still holding you tight. “I was to be married, and I loved her. But she left me for another. Our wedding was arranged, but she left me, days before we were to meet at the altar.” 

“Then please, do not let this go any further. I will not be the reason for you having a broken heart again. Let me go.” 

“I know you feel something for me. Why else would you have come tonight? I am sure that you and Henri have never shared a kiss like that.” 

“That is the first time I have ever kissed a man.” 

Raymond couldn’t help himself and kissed your cheek, then moved down to your neck. 

You felt electricity surge through you and you clung to him so tight. The waves of pleasure and the gathering tempo at the juncture of your thighs made you groan.

“Let me in, my love, and we can experience heaven together,” he whispered. 

You put your hand to his cheek. “Please don’t hate me. I can’t dishonour Henri and my family. Try and understand.” 

Raymond bowed his head, feeling the mixture of anger and sadness rise. It caused a ball of pain to form in his throat and he pulled away, remaining silent as he turned his back to you. 

You felt nothing but guilt for causing him such pain. True, you had barely had time to know each other, but something was pulling the two of you in closer, an unseen force that knew you were destined to be entwined. 

Without another word, you slipped out of the hall and exited the chateau. It was dusk now, with only a thin strip of golden light hanging on the horizon. You sighed and then took in a deep breath, ready to head home. 

A chill was beginning to set in now and it refreshed you, cooling off the humidity of the day. Thoughts of Raymond would not leave you, as they had not done now since the first meeting you had with him. The man had burrowed himself into your soul, and you knew that any resistance to him was going to be incredibly difficult. 

Once home and you undressed into your night slip, having lied to your mother and father, telling them you had spent the evening with Henri. 

When your head hit the pillow, you gazed out of your window, watching the stars twinkle high above. Maybe in another life you and Raymond could have meant to be together. For this one, you would have to make do with your family’s arrangements and with being second best. 

(To be continued)

***

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